Lieutenant Colonel Celevon Edraven Erinos vs. Privateer Qyreia Arronen

Lieutenant Colonel Celevon Edraven Erinos

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Loyalist, Infiltrator
vs.

Privateer Qyreia Arronen

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Zeltron, Mercenary, Weapons Specialist
Comment

This was an ordinary training battle scenario which you both took further with your characters' interaction and conflict. The fact that it wasn't a matter of kill-or-be-killed gave you space for a more flirtatious tension between the characters, and you wove that well into the story.

Celevon, you make good use of the venue to establish the nature of the battle from the start. Your opening post starts to delve into the moods of the respective characters; taking this further and tying it into a wider context will make the battle more engaging for the reader. We want to know what pushed the characters to come to the Combat Training Center, what motivates them to defeat their opponent and what the stakes are. In your final post you made good use of the flirting interaction of the two characters and wove it into a good plot, but in the end it did not influence the conclusion of the story. Fleshing out this relationship and making it more significant to the plot would have improved the Story-aspect of your writing. In terms of Realism, there were a couple of issues with how the hand-to-hand fight was portrayed. Otherwise, the fighting was interesting and mattered to the story.

Qyreia, your posts were entertaining and took the plot to interesting places. Your combat scenes were inventive and made use of your character's lack of formal Martial Arts training, but you need to make sure that they don't stray beyond the bounds of Realism. An untrained fighter can throw basic punches and kicks, but they do not have the technique and precision of body movement necessary to overcome the guard of a trained martial artist. You interwove the two characters' flirtatious relationship into the combat, and this carried well into the conclusion. This was your final post's strong point, as it showed how the battle had changed the two characters and placed the match in the context of their future interactions. If you wanted to complete the Story aspect of the match, you would give equal focus to the past context of the battle, the reason for the characters being here and their initial motivations for conflict.

As your characters had never met before, this battle relied not so much on past context but on building a relationship/rivalry that would carry into the future, beyond the battle. This is the Story aspect that decided the victor. Well done Privateer Qyreia Arronen!

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Lieutenant Colonel Celevon Edraven Erinos, Privateer Qyreia Arronen
Winner Privateer Qyreia Arronen
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Lieutenant Colonel Celevon Edraven Erinos's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Privateer Qyreia Arronen's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Arx: Combat Training Center
Last Post 6 October, 2016 4:26 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Korroth
Syntax - 15%
Adept Celevon Werd'a Qyreia Arronen
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A couple of overextended sentences, otherwise two well-written posts. Rationale: Some isolated mistakes and a runon sentence, but nothing to spoil the overall reading of the posts.
Story - 40%
Adept Celevon Werd'a Qyreia Arronen
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: In the opening post you set up a basic "training battle" story, introduce us to the characters' moods and make good use of the venue rules. In the final post you follow on from your opponent's mutual-flirting plot-line, but without taking it to new places. This is a good start for a battle, you just needed to take the context and motives further. Your combat scenes are well written and significant to the story, don't be afraid to expand them further. Rationale: Your posts interweave comedy and flirtation to create an engaging match. You carry the story beyond the immediate battle in the final post, but it would have been good to see this wider context developed throughout your writing. The fighting is entertaining and unconventional, and it plays nicely into the plot-line.
Realism - 25%
Adept Celevon Werd'a Qyreia Arronen
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Two minor issues with interpreting the two characters' comparative abilities in hand-to-hand combat. The rest of the action makes good use of the Character Sheets. Rationale: A minor issue in the hand-to-hand fight, otherwise you make good use of Qyreia's combat feats.
Continuity - 20%
Adept Celevon Werd'a Qyreia Arronen
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I found. Rationale: No issues that I found.
Adept Celevon Werd'a's Score: 3.8 Qyreia Arronen's Score: 4.2
Posts

[Combat Training Center](Asset Not Found)

Two towering, tinted, transparisteel doors slide open to grant you access to the central chamber of the Combat Training Halls. The main room is wide and open and as large as as a holoball field. Tall walls stretch towards a domed ceiling that is made up of rows of ambient lights that spread out and fill the room with soft even lighting that eliminates any shades or shadows. Those same walls are lined around the perimeter with racks and stacks of varied weaponry: everything from swords and polearms to rifles and flamethrowers.

There are two signs that hover over each weapon rack to create an alternating motif in the Combat Training Hall: “No Explosions” and “Accorded Neutral Territory”. While the first is fairly obvious, the second speaks to the single law of the Training Halls: all members of the Brotherhood are welcome, and no member is to be killed or maimed without incurring the wrath of the Grand Master and the Inquisitori.

[Combat Training Center](Asset Not Found)

A trio of training dummies are statically set up and spread out in a line, each made out of a blend of alloys and padding that can withstand blows from any standard weaponry with the exception of lightsaber blades. To the side of the dummies, a large sparring mat has been stretched out to create a larger footprint than the typical shockboxing ring. The padding is good for helping teach new combat students how to take a fall without injury and offers firm footing, but the hard rubber mat is hardly forgiving.

Behind the sparring area is a door that leads to a small archives that combat students can use to view holorecordings of fights and duels from the past as well as relevant information on combat tactics, techniques, and forms. On the opposite side of the archives at the far end of central room is the locker room that members can safely store their equipment.

The final and probably most important element of the Combat Training Hall is the onsite Med Ward. The maglock door is sealed off and can only be opened by an attending Medic. The Medical facilities feature state of the art bacta tanks for recovery and aftercare. A combination of observation and waiting room rests adjacent to the recovery center and features two large monitors that display a live feed of the central room.

The Combat Halls are staffed around the clock, allowing combat students and mentors alike to come and go as they please at odd or regular hours. It also reserved for members looking to prove their worth to compete in the Antei Combat Center.

[Venue Note: Weapons incorporated into your match are allowed to be used, even if not listed on your Weapon Load Out for the match itself. Skill usage and all other ACC rules and guidelines still applies.]

The Onderonian walked through the training area, watching as a red-skinned female punched, elbowed and kicked one of the sparring dummies. She had likely been at it for some time, as a faint sheen of sweat coated her skin, her dark blue hair damp from the exertion, though the Zeltron’s breathing was perfectly controlled. She was the only other person within the building, so Celevon decided to offer to be her sparring partner.

“Hey, I think you would get a better- whoa!” The Assassin deked to the side just in time as the woman spun, drawing and firing a bright bolt of energy from her DL-44 in a well-practiced movement. “Oi! The sign says ‘No maiming or killing’!”

“Then make more noise when you walk! Or at least make some kind of noise to let a girl know you’re there... don’t just suddenly speak up and expect to not be shot at,” Qyreia retorted, returning her blaster to its holster on her hip. “Did you want something?”

“... Before or after you tried to kill me?” The steely glare and twitching hand that indicating she was rethinking on whether or not to shoot him made Celevon drop his flippant attitude -- clearly, the woman was in no mood for his more cheeky side. “I was offering to be your sparring partner. You would get better exercise whilst still being able to vent your frustrations on an opponent that can fight back.”

The Sadowian tilted her head to the side as she considered the Arconan’s offer. Qyreia watched as he removed the leather vest and bracers, gloves and form-fitted shirt. “Any particular rules?”

“Our guns stay holstered. Nothing that would maim or kill either of us and no explosions, as the rules for this training center state. Everything else goes, including the weapons here on the racks that don’t fall into the category of a ranged weapon,” Celevon replied after a moment of thought, stretching with his arms over his head.

“Agreed, so long as you don’t try to land any punches with that cybernetic,” the Zeltron returned, taking in the design of the left arm that went from mid-humerus down.

“Sounds like we have an accord,” the Assassin grinned as he made his way to the sparring mats.

Korroth, 8 October, 2016 7:01 PM UTC

Syntax

The steely glare and twitching hand that indicating she was rethinking on whether or not to shoot him made Celevon drop his flippant attitude -- clearly, the woman was in no mood for his more cheeky side.

These are two independent clauses. They can stand as two complete sentences, so a full stop or semicolon would be more appropriate than the em dash. Also, a minor mistake with "twitching hand that indicating": The steely glare and twitching hand that indicated she was rethinking on whether or not to shoot him made Celevon drop his flippant attitude. Clearly, the woman was in no mood for his more cheeky side.

Story

“Our guns stay holstered. Nothing that would maim or kill either of us and no explosions, as the rules for this training center state. Everything else goes, including the weapons here on the racks that don’t fall into the category of a ranged weapon,”

This dialogue is a bit expositional. It reads more like an informational poster than a part of the conversation. In this case, the information provided is already present in the venue description, so a few snappy words would have sufficed to remind the reader of the rules. To avoid expositional dialogue, ask yourself if the information provided is already known to the reader and the two characters speaking. If so, it can probably be cut or trimmed down.


This contains the essential ingredients of an opening post: an introduction to the characters, a pinch of action and a hint of their states of mind. From here, you could expand on the context of the battle and the reason for them being here (beyond wanting to train). Since this is a 2/2 match, it is also a good idea to get into the meat of the fighting in the first post, otherwise you will only have the final post to write some action.

Following the human's lead, Qyreia walked casually to the mats, stretching her arms over her head and across her chest. I am so glad that I dressed for exercise today, she thought, happy for the unobtrusive tank top and sweat pants rather than her normal attire. "So, big guy, what's your name?"

"I thought we were going to spar."

"I'm Qyreia," she said, ignoring his deflection and returning it with a distracting smile. "Now you."

"Celevon."

"There." The Zeltron cracked her neck to one side, then the other. Ooh, that felt good. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Are you ready yet?"

"Whenever you are, nudist boy."

Nudist boy? I just took my shirt off! The adopted Mandalorian decided to make the first move, making several quick, balanced strides toward the mercenary. She instantly slipped from her stretches and into a defensive posture, though nothing of any martial art he had seen outside of cantina brawls. It seemed almost too easy to snap a kick at the Zeltron's knee, turning her defenses and exposing her back, if only slightly. Qyreia returned the strike with a swing of her fist, only to have the limb deflected and snatched away in the vice-like grip of Celevon's cybernetic arm. He followed the maneuver with a twist, drawing her face into the meat of his arm just above the elbow which sent her sprawling on the floor.

The final strike of the heel of his hand stopped millimeters from his opponent's face. "Care to yield?"

Qyreia lightly slapped the ground where her hand lay. "Ow." She peeked from behind half-lidded eyes. "You said you wouldn't use your robot arm."

"I said I wouldn't punch with it," he chuckled. Offering a hand to the defeated woman, Celevon hauled her to her feet, somewhat unsteady on arrival to the vertical position. "You alright?"

"Fine." The Zeltron shook her head to rid herself of the odd sensations in her face and scalp from the impacts. "The hell was that?"

"Bit of Shadow Step and Mando Core. Yours looked kind of like Corellian Kickboxing, minus any apparent skill."

Qyreia smiled at the friendly jab, even managing a chuckle as she pushed a lock of sweaty blue hair out of her eyes. "I took a class or two when I lived there - Corellia that is - but never stuck with it. Wasn't making enough creds to keep taking lessons anyway, and most folks will only go so far with a free trial."

"Want to try again?"

"Bring it, Nipples."

"What is it with you and my bare skin?"

Once again, Celevon made the first strike, this time making a conciliatory punch just barely wide of the mercenary's head. Something was different in her expression though: an intense stare that hadn't been present in the first round. She was watching him, waiting for the first strike before making a move, and the tactic proved fruitful. In the brief moment his arm was outstretched, Qyreia launched an uppercut into the soft flesh of the human's armpit. The joint was not appreciative of the impact, despite that, on the surface, it provided only a strong sting.

His surprise at the maneuver, coupled with the tingle that was now running the length of his natural arm, gave the Zeltron a fine window in which to introduce her other fist with his face. The impact produced a satisfying smack, carrying just enough momentum to put Celevon off of his well-balanced stance. Mwahaha! Gotcha! She tried to continue the assault with another swing from her left, only for the human to catch his balance with a snap-speed recovery, jerking his bionic arm forward to swat her fist aside.

Retaliation was swift. True to his word, the Assassin refrained from punching with his cybernetic. Instead, he launched a swift, stinging jab, followed by a kick of similar fashion in the red woman's core to put the Zeltron off her balance. To her credit, Qyreia took the hits well, absorbing the force with practiced acumen. Even the kick was less effective than planned as she lurched backward with the attack, reducing its effective power. Clever, Celevon thought, stepping lithely into her guard, but not clever enough.

His fist connected solidly on Qyreia's forehead, snapping her head back while the pain worked its way into the human's knuckles. Then he noticed the not-so-subtle pressure on his nipples.

A devious, if not malicious smile stretched across the Zeltron's lips just before she took the teats, locked between her fingers in a vice grip, and abruptly twisted them as far as her wrists would allow. Celevon yelped loudly at the unexpected sensation, trying to swat her hands away. In his panic he grabbed at her wrists, only for Qyreia to leap into the grip and launch a vicious headbutt into the curve just above his nose, eliciting tears from the sharp pain that seemed to prickle all the way into his sinuses. His eyes caught a flash of white before feeling an acute pinch on his nose.

When he opened his eyes, he could see the Zeltron - still slightly airborne in his grasp - biting the tip of his snout.

"Is this what you call sparring?"

"Dish is hao I fhight."

The innocent, honest expression on her face when she spoke those poorly-enunciated words was too much for Celevon, and he burst out into a light fit of laughter. It was contagious enough that Qyreia grinned cutely, even chuckling without losing her dental grip on the human's nostrils.

"You can let go now," he finally said as the giggles died away.

"Oh, sure thing." As the Assassin let her down, she patted his nose gingerly. "Sorry if I surprised you there. Went into survival mode for a sec."

Gently rubbing the still-tender flesh on his chest, he shook his head. "As the saying goes: it's a technique. Though I ask that we keep the rest of this affair as far away from my nips as possible."

"Hehe. Can do," she replied with a wink.

Oh Sithspit, what have I gotten myself into with this girl?

Korroth, 8 October, 2016 7:10 PM UTC

Syntax

the odd sensations in her face and scalp from the impacts.

The flow of the writing is interrupted here because two different kinds of information (location and cause) are added to "the odd sensation" in the same breath. Trimming this down can improve the flow.

I lived there - Corellia that is - but never stuck with it.

Good use of the bracketing dashes. In terms of formatting, this is where you could use the em dash: I lived there—Corellia that is—but never stuck with it.

The joint was not appreciative of the impact, despite that, on the surface, it provided only a strong sting.

This is a runon sentence. You can put a full stop after "impact" because the two clauses are complete freestanding sentences: The joint was not appreciative of the impact. Despite that, on the surface, it provided only a strong sting.

to introduce her other fist with his face.

Either to connect her other fist with his face or to introduce her other fist to his face.

Story

Then he noticed the not-so-subtle pressure on his nipples.

Hilarious, and the whole scene is well laid out. Nicely done.

Realism

She was watching him, waiting for the first strike before making a move, and the tactic proved fruitful. In the brief moment his arm was outstretched, Qyreia launched an uppercut into the soft flesh of the human's armpit.

You do a good job of describing the preparation Qyreia requires to perform this strike. With no Martial Arts Skills, she has to think the action through, she cannot rely on past training, set moves or muscle memory. However, there are three factors that combine to damage the believability of this scene: the two characters' Athletics Skills, their Martial Arts Skills and the hand Qyreia uses to deliver the punch. Celevon's proficiency in Martial Arts and his marginally superior Athletics makes it unlikely that he would leave his striking arm extended for any significant length of time. Qyreia's lack of Martial Arts training and the fact that she strikes with her left hand mean that it would be very difficult for her to strike such a precise target in such a limited time interval. Overall, this is a minor detractor in Realism. Your character can still attempt actions outside of her area of proficiency, but don't be afraid to let her fail, the story can still be just as interesting.

It took the Onderonian several moments to draw his eyes from the sweat-drenched red skin and dark hair, eyes having travelled down from hers to the loose top and sweatpants, then back up. Judging by the smirk she wore, Qyreia noticed and was not bothered in the least by his casual perusal. Another moment and the reason behind the smirk became clear - his hand that had not gone to rub his tender nipples had drifted from her wrist to hover just above her waist.

“Sorry,” Celevon muttered, taking a step back.

The Zeltron chuckled. “Don’t be. It happens. Shall we continue?”

In response, the Assassin took another step back as he lifted his open hands, falling into a defensive stance. The Arconan was limited in what he could do, as most of his training was centered around viciously taking down opponents and ending the threat as efficiently as possible.

The Sadowian rushed forward, jabbing quickly to either side of his abdomen. She was right where she wanted to be, as she shoved both hands against his sternum, pushing him back. Qyreia spun, right leg swinging in a high kick at his jaw, only for the Onderonian to catch her by the ankle as he shifted his own leg and slammed her to the unforgiving mat.

As she fought to regain her breath from the air being forced out of her lungs due to the impact, Celevon straddled her and put his right hand behind her head, the cybernetic grasping her chin. The Onderonian smirked down at her.

“I think I win this one. The right amount of torque, pulling my hands apart and your neck is broken.”

As soon as the Arconan removed his hands and started to stand, Qyreia brought her right leg up and over his arm, calf braced against his throat as she grabbed the back of his head, locking the hold in place by crossing her knee over her ankle. The Zeltron grinned. “No, I win. The more you struggle, the faster you lose consciousness.”

The Sadowian released him, still grinning impishly. “Blood choke... Hell’s Gate. Where did you learn that one?” Celevon coughed, briefly rubbing his throat as he tried to keep his mind off of the toned muscle he had felt when his arm was held between her thighs. “I’m pretty sure they don’t teach that on Corellia.”

“Holovids from before that kind of wrestling move was made illegal,” the Mercenary shrugged, accepting the offered hand as they both made their way to their feet. “Once more?”

“Sure thing,” Celevon grinned, tilting his head from side to side as his neck popped. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Qyreia threw a punch toward his throat in response. The Onderonian dodged to the side and captured her wrist, letting the momentum carry through as he jabbed his palm into her elbow, hyperextending her arm. The Zeltron drew back with a hiss, shaking out the numbness in her forearm.

Growling, she spun into an identical kick from before. When Celevon caught her ankle, the Sadowian hopped in place twice before spinning her body again, kicking with all of her weight behind it.

The heel of her boot struck at his temple, knocking them both to the ground. The Onderonian groaned, hand coming up to cradle his head.

Sithspit! I’m sorry... I got carried away. I didn’t mean to hit you that hard.” The Zeltron apologized, moving to check on her sparring partner.

“No worries. It happens,” Celevon replied distantly, blinking spots out of his vision, absently rubbing his temple. There was no question that it would leave a bruise at the very least. “Good hit.”

Qyreia gave a startled laugh. “Keep that up and I’ll think you like being knocked around by a woman. I’m guessing that’s enough sparring for the night?”

“Much as I would love to continue, I should probably go make sure it won’t be a problem beyond bruising,” the Assassin said, wincing as the artificial lighting from the ceiling seemed a lot brighter than before. “Meet you another time for our next bout?”

“Sounds fun,” the Zeltron replied, watching as he stood shakily, moving toward his clothing. “You sure that you’re going to be alright?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll get checked out before I leave. Give me a call some time if you want to hang out or need a sparring partner,” Celevon gave a hint of smile as he held out a card, squinting at her. The lighting was beginning to give him a headache.

As the Arconan turned and walked away, Qyreia pocketed the card and turned to hit the showers. A glance at the chrono on the wall revealed that it was the early morning hours - enough time to make a stop at her favorite diner for a late meal before crashing at home.

Korroth, 8 October, 2016 7:14 PM UTC

Syntax

As she fought to regain her breath from the air being forced out of her lungs due to the impact, Celevon straddled her and put his right hand behind her head, the cybernetic grasping her chin.

This sentence is quite long. You can improve the pacing by splitting it in two where the focus shifts from Qyreia's actions to Celevon's actions.

I’m sorry... I got carried away. I didn’t mean to hit you that hard.” The Zeltron apologized

This is a single sentence, as "the Zeltron apologized" refers directly to the speech quotation, so there should be a comma. I’m sorry... I got carried away. I didn’t mean to hit you that hard,” the Zeltron apologized.

Story

The lighting was beginning to give him a headache.

This is a nice way to hint at the subtler and more long-term effects of a hit.

Realism

The Sadowian rushed forward, jabbing quickly to either side of his abdomen. She was right where she wanted to be, as she shoved both hands against his sternum, pushing him back.

This is a good action sequence on the part of Qyreia, but it requires some description of Celevon's reaction to make a complete picture. As it is, Qyreia seems to be striking Celevon's sternum right through his raised guard. Celevon's Athletics, Perception and relative Martial Arts Skills indicate that he should be able to effectively respond to two successive manoeuvres from Qyreia, who is herself untrained in Martial Arts. So, the minor Realism issue lies in an underestimation of Celevon's ability to counteract Qyreia's attack. In fast-paced sequences like this, ask yourself, "While Character A is performing this particular action, what is Character B doing, and does he have the capacity to respond?"

Qyreia brought her right leg up and over his arm, calf braced against his throat as she grabbed the back of his head, locking the hold in place by crossing her knee over her ankle.

This is a relatively complex manoeuvre for a character with no Martial Arts Skills. Qyreia might know of the technique, and, given her Athletics Skill, she could perform it against a stationary subject. However, she does not have the training or practice to carry it off successfully against an opponent like Celevon, who is a skilled martial artist and pretty athletic too. As before, this minor Realism detractor is down to the context not giving sufficient reason for Qyreia getting the upper hand over Celevon.

"Mind if we switch things up a bit?" Qyreia asked, stretching her arms and wiping the sweat from her brow in one motion. A quick glance showed how intently the Onderonian was looking at her, partly out of martial interest, but also out of a baser instinct. My eyes are up here, she thought, thankful that she had underwear beneath the tight shirt.

"What did you have in mind?" Almost as though she had been planning it, the mercenary walked over to the weapons racks and grabbed what appeared to be a rifle. "I thought we said no guns."

"Look closer, Celevon."

Hefting the rifle for closer examination, it proved to be a softened dummy rifle, used for close-quarters training and without any of the normal shooting apparatuses. "Hm. Alright then, but only if I can pick my own weapon too."

"Be my guest," she said, motioning toward the assortment that lined the walls. "Just nothing sharp, okay?"

"What about spikes?" he joked, long since having broken his usual icy facade in the face of the amiable sparring partner.

"Pointy is the same as sharp," she responded, sticking out her tongue chidingly. "Come on. I wanna kick your choobs again."

Let's see how you handle this, then, he thought as he hefted a weighted practice sword from the motley selection. It would sting - could even break a bone if one were to swing hard enough - and had the right balance for what he was used to. "This alright?"

"Sure, if you think that'll be enough."

"You sure talk big for someone so short," Celevon said as he returned to the mat.

"What can I say? I got my sassy pants on!"

His eyes traveled to her unflattering sweatpants and grinned. "That's not what I was looking at when I came in here."

Qyreia's face turned a slightly darker shade of red. "H-hush you. Are you trying to fight or buy me a drink?"

"Maybe both," he said, lunging forward and catching the flustered Zeltron off-guard.

With barely enough time to react, the Sadowan clumsily threw up the dummy rifle to block the vertical swing from the training blade. It struck with an unexpected weight to it that seamlessly melted away as Celevon drew the sword back for a thrust that, to his surprise, his opponent deflected much more easily than the initial assault. Chocking it up to the Zeltron's mind being back in the fight, he continued the flow of attacks fluidly, making a high slash from the left followed by a low cut from the right. Every maneuver was carefully thought out. Every attack was seamlessly succeeded by another to keep the woman on the defense.

And every time, she either blocked or deflected him with the fake blaster.

The movements were not particularly graceful, as Qyreia shifted her posture as much to accommodate the weapon's weight as avoid the human's weapon. However, the Assassin couldn't argue the haphazard technique's effectiveness, no matter how much it confounded him. His arm never tired, yet as time passed, his attacks seemed to have less impact. His speed never faltered, yet the Zeltron was no longer retreating. She was advancing.

After a particularly wide deflection, she followed up with a muzzle-thump aimed for his sternum which he only narrowly avoided. He made a slash at shoulder level, only to have it bumped away and her buttstock come in a harsh swipe that connected with his ribs. That'll leave a mark, he thought as he withdrew to a safe distance, opting to observe his opponent, using the sword's superior reach to keep Qyreia at bay. Let's make this interesting. While Celevon was once again on the attack, Qyreia thought it odd that his sword seemed so defensively postured. Testing his intent with a thrust, he turned the rifle's momentum aside just as she'd expected. What she hadn't expected was the lightning-fast kick that caught the side of her knee, throwing off her balance before a second kick sent her sprawling backward, the dummy rifle falling to the ground nearby.

Not one to let the advantage slip by, Celevon leaped forward to land with his feet planted to either side of the Zeltron, sword postured for a coup-de-grace thrust. "Yield."

"You cheated. That wasn't using the weapon."

"That's combat, beautiful."

His opponent's expression twisted into a grimace just before she launched her foot from the ground to make solid contact with his undefended groin. The sword went limp in his hands at the surprise attack, allowing Qyreia to lurch to the side and, taking the barrel of her rifle in hand, swung the thing in a sickening arc like a club, connecting once more into Celevon's rib cage. In short order, the human was sent in a heap to the ground, dropping the sword out of his supine reach. Before he could react, he felt a sudden weight on him as the Zeltron threw herself on top of him to straddle his chest, one arm pinioning his throat with the other ready to hammer his face with a balled fist.

"You cheated," he croaked from beneath her weight.

"That's combat, Nipples," she said, smiling and panting for air. "I told you this is how I fight."

"Fair enough."

He eyed her for a long moment, sweat dripping from her face, before loudly patting at the mat in surrender. While not particularly heavy, feeling the weight lifted from his windpipe was a welcome reprieve. Feeling her hands on his bare chest brought a different reaction. It seemed all too natural to set his hands on her hips.

"Unless you want your dangly-bits obliterated again," Qyreia said sternly when she felt his grip start sliding down, "I suggest you reorient your hands to someplace else."

"Sorry. Got caught up in the moment." His eyes wandered again, noting an odd scent that lingered over the rubbery sterile smell of the practice mats. Lavender and... starship fuel? "So... about that drink?"

"So long as you don't get any funny ideas, I'm game." She smacked his forehead as he was about to rise. "And keep your eyes above the neckline. Deal?"

He chuckled. "We have an accord."

Korroth, 8 October, 2016 7:18 PM UTC

Syntax

*The sword went limp in his hands at the surprise attack, allowing Qyreia to lurch to the side and [...] swung the thing

The verb should be "swing the thing", as you can see.

connecting once more into Celevon's rib cage.

"To connect" is more usually coupled with the preposition "with", so, connecting once more with Celevon's rib cage.

Story

Chocking it up to

The idiom is "to chalk it up to", as in to ascribe an explanation to something using a figurative chalk mark. "To chock up" exists, but it means to fill up to capacity, or to stabilise an object by means of a wedge.

a sickening arc

I'm not sure the adjective "sickening" quite works here. The prospect or the effects of the attack can be described as sickening, but here it is difficult to see how it describes the simple motion of an arc.

Lavender and... starship fuel?

This really places the scene in the reader's mind, well done.