Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona vs. Augur Morgan B. Sorenn

Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Kaleesh, Sith, Juggernaut, Obelisk
vs.

Augur Morgan B. Sorenn

Equite 4, Equite tier, The Council
Female Human, Force Disciple, Techweaver
Comment

Well, this was certainly a match full of extremes. You both started off strong and then things took a sharp turn into weird town. Gotta admit, I've seen a lot in the ACC and that was still jarring for me.

Let's focus on the positives, which was the conflict here had weight. Seriously. This didn't feel like some match between randos, but an actual history that had built over time and was culminating in this moment. Even if not directly known to one another, they had mutual connections and those were weaved into the full story. That is good for the reader and the writers both.

Overall, I was left disappointed near the end. I know what you each are capable of, so not having that expectation met is, well... disappointing. I know it could have been — and should have been — better.

I look forward to your future stories, but I have to declare a winner for this match. Augur Morgan B. Sorenn is that winner.

Good luck to you both.

Hall 'Guests' of the Matron [2016]
Messages 6 out of 6
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition 'Guests' of the Matron
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona, Augur Morgan B. Sorenn
Winner Augur Morgan B. Sorenn
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur Morgan B. Sorenn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Godless Matron: Chute Town
Last Post 1 December, 2016 10:11 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Darth Renatus
Syntax - 15%
Boss Morgan B. Sorenn Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Minor issues here or there. Refer to the comments. Rationale: Severe and systemic issues throughout. Please refer to the comments.
Story - 40%
Boss Morgan B. Sorenn Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Brilliant set up for the match, and a commendable recovery for your Final Post. You set up motives that mattered to both characters and did what you could with what you were given. The final post is a bit of a departure, the sudden focus on Satsi being a bit confusing to a reader without context. However, you did very well! Rationale: You strayed far from the path on this one. Initially you were doing fine in telling your story but then you started drifting with the jump away from the fight. You completely wrote the opponent out of the match, and pulled the reader out of it. The confusion is palpable and the story is shattered as a result.
Realism - 25%
Boss Morgan B. Sorenn Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: None that were apparent. Rationale: Introduced a weapon that wasn't on the loadout, without explanation, and committed a subtle bit of character assassination by ignoring the Personality Aspect of your opponent.
Continuity - 20%
Boss Morgan B. Sorenn Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: None that were apparent. Rationale: None that were apparent.
Boss Morgan B. Sorenn's Score: 4.45 Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona's Score: 2.85
Posts

Matron_ChuteTown

The Godless Matron is home to many, resembling a micro-society for those who wish to live outside the typical 'rule' of the galaxy. The Lucrehulk-class battleship's massive hangars have been converted into dwellings as a result. Chute Town is the most notable of these makeshift towns. Many shops and storefronts have been constructed to take advantage of the higher volume of foot traffic. In addition, many ships and crews arrive into Chute Town to sell their "well-earned" commodities, weapons, or artifacts. It is commonplace to find the best and the worst gear the galaxy has to offer, it is only a matter of how big your pocket book is. The 'streets' are patrolled regularly by the crew of the Matron itself, leaving would-be miscreants to be more wary, lest they find themselves on the receiving end of a pirate's sense of justice.

It is built mostly out of spare durasteel panels from derelict ships, dismantled machinery, or any other source or material the pirates could scavenge. It spans the length of the massive portside hangar of the Matron, reaching from it's heavily protected reactor — hidden behind triple-reinforced blast doors and a guard retinue — all the way to the hangar entrance where the many incoming ships unload their cargo. It is more than a mile long, over five hundred feet wide and up to three stories tall, covering most of the floor. Chute Town's streets are a miniature maze, weaving in between buildings on several levels. Verticality is key for the masses of shops and bars to operate without interfering with one another. The main street is nicknamed Murder alley, mostly because all the weapon shops are prominently opened there.

Matron_HangarZerek

Illumination banks are staggered along the walkways and buildings to provide enough light for the society to function. Still, the 'streets' are left dim with a low hanging fog built up from the collective humidity of so many people in one space. For those calling it their home, there is no such thing as 'off hours'. A large crowd bustles along at all hours, an exotic assortment of individuals from countless planets and the warring gangs that divvy up the territory within. It's the perfect place for those looking to disappear in the crowd.

With tensions running high, Chute Town was far more volatile than it would have been otherwise. Several of the gangs had been stepping outside their territory of late. As yet there had been no outright acts of aggression, though the perceived slights had been steadily mounting for weeks. The cracks in the dam were beginning to show. The crew of the Godless Matron just needed to apply pressure to the right place at the right time to trigger an outright gang war.

To that end, a bounty was put in place. The premise was simple enough. The Herald would grant a measure of clemency to whomsoever cashed in the ID tokens that had been planted on several individuals at random. Such a prize was without measure for not just the gangs of Chute Town, but the denizens themselves.

The Matron was as unstable and unpredictable as his contact promised. Rrogon Skar Agrona dusted off his trench coat, shedding dust and dirt it had collected during his latest ruffle with one of the denizens of Chute Town — his fifth minor brawl so far. He groaned as his fingernails scratched at the coin he was given when he had come aboard, sitting neatly in his pocket. He came looking for information about his father’s murderer. The bounty hunt on the ID tags gave him a perfect opportunity to get something about Marick's whereabouts from a solid source — the Herald herself.

A small device on his wrist, coded to the particular signal of the ID tags, bleeped as one of the items came into range. Skar followed the trail towards Murder Alley and into the crowd of hundreds mingling through the main street. He cursed under his breath as his Force-given senses blended the multitudes into a muddy mess. He couldn’t sense his target, he just knew their location: stationary, not thirty yards from him.

The Kaleesh advanced, pulling his trench coat collar higher, and moved through the crowd with sleek precision. Gradually the crowd thickened, forcing him to push on through more aggresively. He shoved aside several smelly gangsters and stumbled into an open area formed in the middle of the gathering. The signal beeped louder as Skar’s gaze fell on his first target of the day. Kark.

“Skar!” Morgan’s rehearsed Imperial accent chimed over the crowd. She smirked as she rolled a coin — much like the one in Skar’s pocket — in between her fingers. “Looking for this?”

Skar growled at trap he had walked right into. “What is this?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m looking for some fun while my Quartermaster collects the pool.” She pointed over at the annoyed Zabrak woman accepting credits. Only then did Skar notice the group around the Captain: all of them — from the scrawny gangster in a pilfered trench coat to the first mate whose eyes seemed to glow with the Dark Side — had, in one form or another, the emblem of Morgan’s raiders: the leviathan skull with crossed swords.

“This is the plan, Skar. You take this from me,” she twirled the coin in front of him, “and you get clemency and safe passage.”

Skar tensed up. Games didn’t interest him. He was ready to flay her alive, but he said nothing.

“And if I get yours,” she motioned at his pockets, referring to the coin, “I get to ask you some questions about Arcona.”

“There won’t be any word when I walk over your corpse.”

Morgan swore he spat at her internally. “So dramatic. Leave politics out of it. Don’t be like daddy and get yourself killed.”

The Herald’s smirk and the mention of Zakath made Skar’s blood boil. A yellow blade materialized in his hand in a flash as he charged. Morgan managed to duck under the swing, the crowd behind her ebbing away from the combatants. The pirate rolled across the open circle and ignited her own blade in one fluid motion. She stepped out of his slashing arc just in time to deflect another swift strike. She was at a disadvantage in the confined space, so her eyes darted from her opponent to her surroundings as much as the fight would allow, searching for a way out. She needed room.

She glimpsed a staircase several yards behind the crowd, leading up. Skar’s telekinetic attack caught her off-guard and sent her tumbling back, into the crowd. Laughter erupted as an unlucky Gamorrean received a kick to the groin. Morgan ignored him and concentrated for a mere moment as the people around her started moving further away. Even Skar slowed to a crawl as Morgan’s presence spread like vapor into the ether around her.

The Herald seized the moment and dashed for the staircase, the mob moving to let her through. Before Skar could even react properly, she was several steps up and running into the shanty building. With a growl, the Kaleesh gave chase, following the woman’s footsteps with the mob close behind.

Darth Renatus, 3 December, 2016 2:44 PM UTC

Syntax

shedding [the] dust and dirt it had collected

The flow of this sentence is awkward without the "the" added.

from a solid source — the Herald herself.

from a solid source[:] the Herald herself.

This should be a colon instead of an em-dash since you are listing who the source is.

through more aggresively.

I looked it up just to make sure this wasn't a dialect difference and found nothing, so it should be "aggressively".

in between her fingers.

The "in" is superfluous in terms of the sentence here. You would roll something between your fingers, not "in between" them.

Skar growled at trap he had walked right into.

Skar growled at [the] trap he had walked right into.

Missing a use of "the" here, but could also have phrased it as: Skar growled in response to the trap he had walked right into. It's a flavour thing, in regards to phrasing, but you still need to denote "the".

Story

A small device on his wrist, coded to the particular signal of the ID tags, bleeped as one of the items came into range.

This is a good use of the narrative to build on the prompt you were given, filling in the blanks so to speak and making it more intuitive for your purposes without jarring the reader.

A yellow blade materialized in his hand in a flash as he charged. A yellow blade [seemed to materialize] in his hand in a flash as he charged.

I'm not marking this against you as the intent is clear, but take a note of the differences in word play. Saying it materialized, and nothing modifying that, implies just that: it materialized. Unless he is teleporting it, which I know is not your intent, that simple phrasing doesn't convey the right image.

Morgan ignored him and concentrated for a mere moment as the people around her started moving further away. Even Skar slowed to a crawl as Morgan’s presence spread like vapor into the ether around her.

So, this is a minor hit but still a hit. The staff as a group had to discuss what your intent was with this passage. The power being used isn't clear. At first, I thought Concealment, but you don't have that. Perhaps her perception of time changed because of Amplification but that is +2... Then we settled on it being Terror combined with Aura of Fear. You need to be clear about showing us what is happening. The 'why' of Skar slowing down isn't clear just based on your narrative.

General Comments

I want to take a moment to praise your use of Story. What you did here is something that a lot of people complain about: "how do I make a compelling narrative in under 750 words?"

I should just point them to this post. You take the prompt, build upon it, and tie it into the history of your opponent. Of course, you have the home-field advantage... but you use it well.

Rrogon growled as he followed the Human into the building his anger at her taunts over the death of his Grandfather fueled each of his steps, after several minutes of searching the building and the several floors it had Skar was growing impatient with his hunt.

“Come on out Sorenn! Unless you want your whole crew to find out how much of a coward you are and I think we both know how that one is going to play out in the end.” Yelled the Kaleesh into the seemingly empty building.

As his hand tightened around his lightsaber Sith reached out with the force to sense if his target was close to him but as he tried the force did not respond to him like it normally did in fact it had all but left him.

Narrowing his eyes on his surroundings the Kaleesh slowly began to back up fearing an ambush now that his powers had been taken from him. As he passed on of the open doors behind him a sliver of movement caught his eye and before he could react a small cylinder came flying out of the room only to explode in a flash of blinding light.

Roaring in frustration the Warrior lashed out in anger with his lightsaber in a wide arc in front of him hoping to keep the Techweaver back in case she sought to gain the upper hand with his temporary blindness. As his lightsaber and slashed out into the air it meet resistance and when it did Skar pushed into it with all his might.

Seconds later as his vision began to finally clear Rrogon could begin to make out the woman in front of him down on her knees as she tried in vain to hold the Kaleesh back. “You loss girl.” Growled the Sith as pushed down harder.

But in flash of speed the Human rolled out of the attack and dashed around the warrior and planted her boot right between his legs bringing the kaleesh down to his knees with a groin. A slight smirk formed on the Techwevers face as she leaned down and whispered into the Sith ear.

“Call me girl again Kaleesh and I’ll rip them off next time ok?” As she stood back up Rrogon could feel the lightsabers heat as it came closer to his neck

“What Sorenn going to kill me now? What about all those secrets you could learn for your hound dogs you call the Dark Council and the inquisitors that serve them.” Hissed the Kaleesh as he looked at the woman square in the eye this gave the woman pause as the blade hovered ever closer to his flesh.

“Besides I still have my token don't I.” Before she could react the kaleesh sipped at her legs and tore into them with his claws and took the woman clean off her feet with a cry of pain and as she crashed to the floor the warrior sprinted off down the hall to get some distance between him and the Herald

Blaster fire erupted behind and several bolts slammed into the walls around him and one hit him in the shoulder sending him sprawling for a split second before he regained his footing and sprinted around the corner.

Darth Renatus, 3 December, 2016 3:36 PM UTC

Syntax

Rrogon growled as he followed the Human into the building his anger at her taunts over the death of his Grandfather fueled each of his steps, after several minutes of searching the building and the several floors it had Skar was growing impatient with his hunt.

Rrogon growled as he followed the Human into the building[. H]is anger at her taunts over the death of his [g]randfather fueled each of his steps[. A]fter several minutes of searching the building[,] and the several floors it had[,] Skar was growing impatient with his hunt.

Fixed up your run-on sentence. Pretty good rule of thumb is that if your entire paragraph is one long sentence, you may be missing something syntax wise. Unless it's an intentional aside, in which case those are generally short.

in the end.” Yelled the Kaleesh

in the end[,]” [y]elled the Kaleesh

With 'he said, she said' structure you can't use a period and shouldn't capitalize.

his lightsaber Sith reached out with the force to sense if his target was close to him but as he tried the force did not respond to him

his lightsaber[, the] Sith reached out with the [F]orce to sense if his target was close to him but as he tried the [F]orce did not respond to him

You have to use 'the Sith' here to denote who it is, because 'Sith' is not his name. Also, the Force is a proper noun.

it normally did in fact it had all but left him.

it normally did[,] in fact[,] it had all but left him.

Need to use commas to separate the interrupter of 'in fact'.

As he passed on of the open doors

As he passed [one] of the open doors

Your phrasing here suggests 'one'.

and before he could react a small cylinder

and[,] before he could react[,] a small cylinder

Need to break up the structure with commas here.

As his lightsaber and slashed out into the air it meet resistance

As his lightsaber and slashed out into the air it [met] resistance

You don't need the 'and' while 'meet' should be 'met'.

“You loss girl.” Growled the Sith as pushed down harder.

“You [lose] girl[,]” [g]rowled the Sith as pushed down harder.

So, the only way 'loss' would fit here would be if you opened with 'Your'. Other than that, this is a case of 'he said, she said' structure and should have a comma and lower case.

the warrior and planted her boot right between his legs bringing the kaleesh down to his knees with a groin.

the [W]arrior and planted her boot right between his legs bringing the [K]aleesh down to his knees with a [groan].

Pretty straightforward here. You need to be consistent, since you capitalized 'Warrior' earlier when you use it to refer to Skar, also the species needs a capital (again consistency). Finally, it should be 'groan' and not 'groin'.

Techwevers [...] Sith ear

Should be: Teachweaver's and Sith's.

“What Sorenn going to kill me now? What about all those secrets you could learn for your hound dogs you call the Dark Council and the inquisitors that serve them.”

“What Sorenn[? G]oing to kill me now? What about all those secrets you could learn for your hound dogs you call the Dark Council and the [I]nquisitors that serve them[?]” [h]issed the Kallesh

Grammar flow and missing caps, also wrong punctuation.

“Besides I still have my token don't I.” Before she could react the kaleesh sipped at her legs and tore into them with his claws and took the woman clean off her feet with a cry of pain and as she crashed to the floor the warrior sprinted off down the hall to get some distance between him and the Herald

“Besides I still have my token don't I[?]” Before she could react the [K]aleesh [swiped] at her legs and tore into them with his claws[. The attack] took the woman clean off her feet with a cry of pain and[,] as she crashed to the floor[,] the [W]arrior sprinted off down the hall to get some distance between him and the Herald

I'm assuming you meant 'swiped' here, and the rest is the same errors you've been consistently making. Run-on sentences and missed capitals.

Story

this gave the woman pause as the blade hovered ever closer to his flesh.

Why would it give her pause? Keep in mind her character sheet. This is a woman that literally wouldn't bat an eye if she took off Skar's head right at this moment in time. If you are going to deviate from that you need to give a reason rather than convenience.

tore into them with his claws and took the woman clean off her feet with a cry of pain and as she crashed to the floor the warrior sprinted off down the hall to get some distance between him and the Herald

Reading this, as a Judge, I'm not sure you were aware at this point that this match was three posts each. This kind of damage is handicapping for your opponent, and they still have several posts to write. You need to pace the damage to be believable, rather than abusing the narrative to handicap an opponent. Always remember pacing when writing a story.

Realism

a small cylinder came flying out of the room only to explode in a flash of blinding light

You have to go by the match details for your opponent's Weapon Loadout, not their Character Sheet. In this case, Morgan has a Dioxis Grenade and CryoBan Grenade. No flashbangs.

Morgan’s head flopped back against the metal floor as she winced and grit her teeth, pushing away the pain as best she could. Her blaster found its place at her hip in an automated motion as she reached down to rub her legs. She was able to move them still, meaning Skar’s claws hadn’t done any serious injury. Luckily, her boots were made of thicker leather. The pirate focused on her wounds as best she could. She had enough time; Skar wasn't going anywhere. It took her several long moments before she stood up and tried putting her weight on either leg.

“”Better hurry. He get away,” C’ree’s voice came through the comm on Morgan’s wrist.

“No, he won’t. He still has to come back eventually, but something tells me his pride is hurt enough to stick around and get back at me.” The captain smirked to herself. In truth, she’d had no intention of making this anything more than a mock fight for amusement, but now Skar tipped her patience. “Send the droids out and find him for me.”

”That cheating,” C’ree stated in a perfectly monotone voice.

“What’s wrong, afraid you’ll get caught? We never play by the rules. Droids. Now,” she ordered briskly and followed down the corridor Skar disappeared into only a minute prior. She pulled out her cryoban grenade, just in case. She’d only have a few moments to see the ambush coming if it came to that at all.

She passed several shuttered businesses, sensing people sporadically, huddled here and there away from the fighting. The overwhelming mass of thoughts, feelings, and sensations outside the complex drew her attention too much and gave her a splitting headache whenever she tried to figure out where Skar had hidden or fled to. A holocam droid glided into view, distracting her momentarily as she pushed it away. Another went further into the structure and she saw it glide left after several intersections. The ship was watching.

The pirate carried on, following the small mechanical holocam as cautiously as she could. Where are you, sleemo? she thought as she came to the intersection where she saw the droid disappear.

”Left.” C’ree’s voice came through clear as day. She stood outside and watched the fight from the holo-displays, just like half of the ship. Morgan followed up on her instructions and leaned left into the corridor. It was narrow and long, perfect for an ambush. Wires hung from the walls and water dripped from the ceiling, creating a more than hazardous environment. She shivered, groaned and took several cautious steps inside, pulling out her blaster into her left hand. She could sense a presence beyond the hallway, but she couldn’t focus enough to clearly see them.

Live wires dangled only inches from her face when she felt a familiar sting in the back of her mind. Without even thinking, Morgan let her knees go weak. She collapsed unceremoniously on the wet floor as blaster bolts zinged past her head and ricocheted off of the wall behind her. She ducked as the bolt zig-zagged across the walls, hoping it wouldn’t hit her in the process. It finally disintegrated in a puddle of water several yards from her. Morgan quickly managed to crawl under the wires, stood up and rushed towards the room on the end of the corridor. She fired wild bursts of energy towards her opponent as she ran, more as a suppressive tactic than any sort of coherent fire. The captain rolled as another burst came down the corridor, her senses warning her only moments in advance. The pirate activated and tossed her cryo grenade at the same time, taking cover by laying prone on the floor. The grenade exploded inside the room beyond and she heard a loud gasp as it found its target.

Darth Renatus, 3 December, 2016 3:50 PM UTC

Syntax

pushing away the pain as best she could. [...] The pirate focused on her wounds as best she could.

Even separated by a few sentences, this repetition still stood out to me. It may just be a habit of phrasing — heck, I do the same — but when it is a full phrase instead of a singular word it stands out more.

“”Better hurry. He get away,”

Doubled up on the double-quotes at the beginning.

the room on the end of the corridor.

the room [at] the end of the corridor.

With the phrasing used here, 'at' is more appropriate.

Rrogon’s rage spiked to new levels as the grenade went off at his feet covering him and the surrounding walls in a coating of ice. Glaring down the hallway the Kaleesh could hear the Techweaver coming closer to his location. Straining against the ice, the warrior put all of his might into breaking his newly formed shackles.

Cracks began to form in the Ice as his muscles continued to strain and move beneath it. Growling low, the Kaleesh knew that he could not break out in time before the human found him. As this thought went through his mind Morgan stepped from around the corner and grinned at him from a safe distance.

“Well then that seems to have put you in a bind.” Her hand lifted the blaster she held to eye level and trained it on the Arconan. “Looks like it's game over for you Skar. Now i'm going to take that token off of you once you thaw out and you're going to tell me everything I want to know about Arcona.”

Shame filled the Kaleesh as he realized that he failed his Clan and his family but something else was there to. Fear, fear that his knowledge would be the Clan's downfall on both Selen and the shadowport.

The Godless Matron

Internal cellblock

Three days later

Rrogon slowly began to open his eye and look around the low lit cell he bad been held in for days now. He moved his head from side to side to try stretch his stiff muscles and the uncomfortable stun cuffs that had been placed around his neck to stifle his connection to the force and keep him in place.

He looked at his hands which were chained to the wall and the skin around his wrists, which had been rubbed raw to the point of bleeding. The Kaleesh tried to open his right eye once more but found he could not as the blood from the previous day's interrogation had caked it shut.

Shame and rage coursed through his body as he knew the interrogator would be by soon for the daily routine of torture and pain. As if by some unforeseen force the door to the cell unlocked and slid open to reveal the Inquisitor agent that had been sent to get what information she could out of the Kaleesh

Raven black hair flowed down the woman’s shoulder and contrasted well against the pale skin that she had. Amber eyes gazed at him as she slowly walking into the small room and was soon followed by a astromech droid with a small plate of tools that the Kaleesh knew all too well.

The silky smooth voice of the human whispered in his ear as she leaned closer to the Sith as he hung helpless on the wall. “Nice to see you again Rrogon, are you ready for todays session?”

The Sith said nothing as he looked down at her, while her smirk slowly vanishd from her face.

“B-7 administer shock level three please.” As the astromech beeped in response the collar around his neck flashed and the pain soon followed. The warrior began to buck and growl at the excruciating pain coursing through his body.

“Now now Kaleesh we have been over this time and time again. You show me respect and the pain will be a lot less than what it could be.” Turning to the astromech droid the Inquisitor motioned for it to stop and a second later the pain receded as the Sith slumped down.

“Now lets try this once more time and lets try and do this right. Are you ready for today's session, Rrogon?” It made him sick to his stomach to say the next word that came out of his mouth as he had not said them in so many years.

“Yes master this scum is ready.” Whispered the Kaleesh as his gaze fell to the floor. A smile crept across the woman's face as she reached for a scalpel on the small tray.

“Well then shall we begin?”

Darth Renatus, 3 December, 2016 4:16 PM UTC

Syntax

form in the Ice as his muscles

No need for a capital here.

Now i'm going to

You need to capitalize "I'm".

He moved his head from side to side to try stretch his stiff muscles and the uncomfortable stun cuffs that had been placed around his neck to stifle his connection to the force and keep him in place.

He moved his head from side to side to try [and] stretch his stiff muscles and the uncomfortable stun cuffs that had been placed around his neck to stifle his connection to the [F]orce and keep him in place.

Run-on sentence, missing word, and Force is a proper noun.

In fact, you have a lot of the same issues in this post as you do in all your previous. You misuse 'he said, she said' and either forget or inappropriately apply capitals throughout.

Story

The Godless Matron

Internal cellblock

Three days later

No. Just no. This sort of time skip is fine to do in a Final Post, but not leading into your opponent's Final Post. The ACC is a singular story, or event, and the initial conflict isn't over yet. This sort of interjection in the middle of the story is not just harsh and jarring, but completely out of place.

Continuity/Realism

Her hand lifted the blaster she held to eye level and trained it on the Arconan.

I'm not dinging you here, but I want to bring this up as a talking point. Morgan is holding this weapon in her left hand. She doesn't have either of the ambidextrous Feats our system offers. It was fine in their post because they never fired accurately. You are depicting the aiming, and an accuracy she would have difficulty with in her off hand. You never fired, so it's not an issue, but something to keep in mind.

General Comments

This was a final post without being a final post. You even wrote Morgan out of it completely, introducing an unnamed Inquisitor without any context. This is so out of character for your opponent that it is obvious. You completely disregard her Personality Aspects (namely You Can't Take The Sky From Me) and presented a story away from the conflict of the match. These are major errors that hurt you severely in this match.

Rrogon spasmed in a fetal position as another shock coursed through his muscled body. The astromech, B-7, was ruthless is its duty — even sadistic, if a droid could ever be called that. The Kaleesh’s grunts and shallow panting echoed through the small chamber. The Inquisitor simply observed him with sublime confidence and utter disgust. But still, she needed information.

“Tell me what you know, and the pain shall pass,” she spoke in crisp Imperial Basic, even louder than last time. “What do you know of a woman named Satsi Erinos?”

“I—I don’t know,” he squealed through his teeth as another shock shook his bones. The interrogator was ruthless and persistent. “She—She was the Proconsul’s Fade.”

“What is a Fade?” the woman asked as Skar withdrew from the droid, into the corner.

He labored for breath. “His… companion and bodyguard,” Rrogon replied through his teeth.

“And where is she now?” she asked as she lit a cigarra and exhaled the thick smoke. Rrogon clasped his tongue with his teeth, only to have them rattled again by B-7 at the woman’s cue.

“Where is she now?”

“I d—don’t know!” Rrogon clawed at his mask, a personal effect that they left on him for whatever reason. He was still defiant, that much was apparent. He was loyal to Arcona, through and through, and wouldn’t betray them as easily. But she could break him.

The interrogator nodded at B-7 and the astromech increased the power. This time the shock sent Skar’s body into a stiff shake as his muscles contracted as one. He shook in place for several excruciating seconds before the droid let him have a breather.

“S—She’s—She’s dead!” Skar bellowed through the agony as his arms and legs twisted, muscles still spasming.

“Who killed her?” the woman spoke out a demand, rather than a question.

Skar’s claws scratched the floor, knowing what would come if he didn’t answer truthfully. He squealed underneath the mask, fighting to stay true to his friends and his Clan.

“I will kill you if you do not answer me,” she spoke loudly as B-7 administered another agony-inducing, electric hell. Skar yelled out in pain, hitting his head against the nearby wall with every muscle spasm and shake. “Tell me!” she screamed.

Finally Skar looked up as the illusion before him fell into pieces, its creator losing all semblance of focus and calm. Instead of the interrogator, Morgan knelt above him, her telekinetic hand firmly clasping his throat in a vice grip. Her eyes were aglow and her fury palpable through the Force. She would kill him, then and there.

“Ko—Kordath Bleu,” he whimpered through the coughing and wheezing.

Morgan stopped. Her eyes lost their glow as she stumbled back and fell on her backside. It was the shock of hearing that name that made her legs lose their strength. Cold sweat fell over her forehead in waves, her hands shook, and her head started to hurt. She picked herself up and grasped her cheeks with her free hand. Then, she reached down and grasped firmly a simple metal pipe she had carried inside with her.

She leaned down and pulled his mask off of his face. “I’ll keep this mask, in case you were lying to me. I know you’ll come back for it, eventually.” She tossed the mask to the side. “But I do hope you told me the truth, Skar. I really do. Because if you did, I will kill Kordath Bleu with my bare hands, even if Arcona has to burn because of it.”

Skar wheezed again, a sense of anger and shame burning in his lungs once more. “You—”

“Don’t worry, you’ll see your home again. And you will burn with it.” She pooled all her reserve strength, within the Force and without, and smashed the end of the pipe into Skar’s head. It slammed into the wall and he went limp. After a moment she saw him breathing as the pipe, now wet with the Arconan’s blood, fell from her hand. She looked over at the droid who started spasming and whistling uncontrollably, his circuits frying of their own volition. Morgan stepped out of the cell and headed for the bridge as medics rushed in to help the Arconan.

Darth Renatus, 3 December, 2016 4:32 PM UTC

Syntax

was ruthless is its duty

Did you mean "in its duty" or "with its duty"?

Finally Skar looked up as the illusion

Finally[,] Skar looked up as the illusion

Need a comma here.

Story

I have to commend you here in your recovery from the previous post. That was a difficult transition for anyone to make and you did a commendable job of it. It isn't perfection, but you managed it.

Godless Matron

Lower cellblock

Nine days after capture

Blood was flowing freely from the Kaleesh and pooling below his feet. The Inquisitor in front of him was humming softly to herself as she cleaned her hands with a blood-soaked rag.

“My my, you're still awake aren’t you?” said the Inquisitor as she turning to look at the Sith who said nothing as she stepped closer to him and lifted his head slightly so that she could look into his eyes.

“Out of all my subjects you have by far lasted the longest and have given me nothing of worth. What is it with you? Is it the loyalty to your Clan does something else drive you?” She paused for a second before continuing

“Oh I think I see it now. You have someone don't you? Someone dear and hidden away.” Her word ignited something in the Kaleesh. Rage unlike anything he had felt before, the crimson glow in his eyes blazing into something sinister and otherworldly.

The Inquisitor stepped back slightly at the sight of his rage but the smile on her face remained the same. “Ah I see I've stuck a nerve. I will have her name scum, whether you like it or not!”

She turned to the astromech droid smile widening as she spoke, words dripping with venom and malice.

“B-7, administer shock level 10 and don't stop until I tell you to.” The droid beeped hesitantly. “Oh I know what they said not to do but now I don't care. Do it!”

Angry fire lanced across the warrior's body as the electricity was turned on to one of its highest levels. Pain unlike anything the Kaleesh had felt before coursed through his body like fire. Screaming and howling in agony Rrogon could feel the woman trying to enter his mind while in the throes of anguish.

Inside his mind he could feel the losing battle as his mental barriers began to fall and crumble away around the knowledge he held most dear. But he would not be broken so easily as the Inquisitor knew all too well, and he fought back with all of his might and soul.

Straining against the restraints that held him down the Sith felt the metal began to warp and strain as all of his anger and might was put into breaking them so that he could finally be free and kill the woman in front of him.

Seeing this, the woman hissed at the droid, “Set level to max! I don't care if it kills him! Just do it! I will have what I seek Kaleesh and then you will die knowing that your loved one will die even more painfully than you or your dear Grandfather did.”

White fire filled the Kaleesh’s vision as the pain intensified in his body and his scream only grew louder and more desperate. In the back of his mind he could hear his old master's voice calling to him to give him the strength to use.

But it was to late as his last mental barriers finally fell and the Inquisitor found what she was looking for. “Vera eh? Pretty little thing isn't she? You can stop now B-7.” The pain finally left Rrogons body as he slumped down as far as the restraints would let him.

“You lose Arconan I have what I need to bend you to my will. Now you will tell me all I want to know about Arcona or I will have my men find and kill you wife slowly. Is that clear?” asked the woman as she stepped back into his field of view.

Rrogon closed his eyes and sorrow consumed him. As he next words finally croaked out of his mouth he knew that he was dooming all that he knew to Pravus and his dogs. “Alright. Just please don't hurt her.”

“Oh I can promise no harm will come to her while you cooperate with us. Who knows Pravus might even let the two of you go after this is all blown over and Arcona is brought to heel. But only if you do exactly what we tell you to. Got it?”

“Yes mistress,” said Skar as all of his pride fell away and the fall of Arcona was one step closer to coming true.

Darth Renatus, 3 December, 2016 4:38 PM UTC

Syntax

Inside his mind he could feel the losing battle

Inside his mind[,] he could feel the losing battle

Need a comma here, for sentence flow and due to the introductory phrase.

In the back of his mind he could hear his old master's voice

In the back of his mind[,] he could hear his old master's voice

Again, an introductory phrase needs a comma.

But it was to late

Should be "too".

Rrogons body

Should be possessive, since I presume his body belongs to him.

As he next words finally croaked

Should be "As the".

General Comment

Again, your opponent is nowhere to be seen in this entire post. That is a major hit, especially since all posts in the ACC require some form of conflict between the combatants.