Syntax

There was no red blade being emitted, though, from the hilt in his curled hand.

Here the "though" with accompanying commas is unnecessary. This might be better off paired with the preceding sentence as well, as it is a very short sentence that doesn't really contribute anything of substance on its own.

The Chiss ignited one of his sabers. The plasma blade matched perfectly with his red eyes.

Two things to note here. First, these sentences should be merged, as their current incarnation leaves the writing clipped and interrupts the flow of reading. The second, and possibly most important element to note, is that this begins one of the longest paragraphs I've ever seen in fiction. Break up the paragraph a bit, since massive ones such as this make reading difficult and generally do not inspire a desire to read them in detail.

[...]ignited one blade: He was upset that his master[...]

A colon does not end a sentence, so "he" would not be capitalized.

Story

Kadrol rushed into a dueling chamber, lightsaber in his right hand. There was no red blade being emitted, though, from the hilt in his curled hand.

The only detail in these two sentences that is worth mentioning is your character's entrance into the dueling chamber. What hand the lightsaber is carried in is an unimportant detail unless it somehow factors into the later action (which in this case, it doesn't). Further, the imagery of "running into a duelling chamber" gives off an air of frantic searching rather than going to the meeting place intentionally.

He ran because his master didn't like it when he was late, and he just received a message to come there.

If he just received the message, then why would he be late? Does Brimstone have unrealistic expectations of attendance? Did Kadrol get distracted after receiving the missive? Try to open up beyond the baseline and flesh out such things with more detail; otherwise, it comes off as awkward reading and poor storytelling.

“You have been forgiven for your tardiness,” Brimstone replied. He continued, “I want to experience your skills first hand, my apprentice.”

This is the barest of minimums that explains the characters' conflict. The awkward atmosphere set by a fight incited by all of three sentences of dialogue does not tend to evoke a desire to continue reading; especially when this is the very beginning of the tale. As an aside, you could have omitted "He continued" entirely and retained if not improved the reading's flow/quality.

Kadrol felt like he was doing yoga[...]

Star Wars doesn't have yoga. Try to keep real-world terms and items out of your writing unless it transfers over to the Star Wars universe. This is considered a Story detractor because it is a minor notation within the narration that has no bearing on the greater plot.

Kadrol now had two sabers: his and one of Brimstone’s. Kadrol threw his own saber toward the doors, for he couldn't dual wield.

If he can't dual wield... then why in god's name did he grab it in the first kriffing place?! This whole scene makes no logical sense, and completely abandons the mantra "show, don't tell," since you opt to very plainly state that you can't dual wield, as though reciting from a Character Sheet.

Realism

The two engaged blades. As the two plasma cores bounced back away from each other[...]

Lightsabers do not bounce off each other like magnets of the same polarity. If this is the combatants disengaging from a saberlock, then say so.

Brimstone stayed calm as his apprentice danced around him.

Brimstone specializes primarily in the Vapaad lightsaber Form, which draws heavily on emotion and is quite a mobile mode of combat. Unless he was toying with Kadrol (which was not mentioned), this is an unrealistic depiction of his Skills as well as his Executioner Combat Aspect.

[...]this time, Kadrol kicked at Brimstone’s saber hand. The saber dropped to the ground and rolled away from the combatants.

The issue here involves your martial arts skill(s) versus Brimstone's. You both specialize in Sliding Hands, which is a primarily defensive form which focuses on manual (counter)attacks. Further, Brimstone's secondary specialization in the Jar'kai lightsaber Form emphasizes a strong grip on one's weapon. Combined with your relatively low scores in Might and Athletics, it is not realistic that Kadrol would even be able to physically force his way past Brimstone's guard.

Kadrol felt like he was doing yoga, and reached out for his master’s fallen saber. He knew he couldn't reach it, but the Force became his arms.

If you read the Force Powers scaling on the DJB wiki, the ability to quickly use telekinesis in combat comes in at +3. In this case, Brimstone has already grappled Kadrol and has another saber drawn. Kadrol would have lost his leg before he could have conjured his master's saber to his hand.

He kicked at his master, who had activated his other weapon.

You already have one leg restrained by Brimstone, meaning that you would not be able to effectively kick him, especially given your respective martial arts proficiencies.

His new injury angered the Zabrak, even though he felt less pain than most other people.

Your Didn't Hurt! Feat doesn't work this way. It would still hurt, and quite a bit, so being "angered" is quite the understatement in this case. While not a match-ending wound, it would still be debilitating.

Synopsis

The highlight of this post was the relative lack of Syntax errors compared to the other grading criteria. The story lacked any and all substance beyond that there are two people that are master and apprentice, and that they are now fighting. The combat is flat and nondescript, especially since you spend more time worrying about what hand the lightsaber is being held in than their postures and where they are in relation to each other. That's not even including some of the questionable decisions that Kadrol apparently made (see my final Story note). Realism was just as much of a struggle point, and I highly recommend keeping the DJB wiki open to Skills, Force Powers, and even the Martial Arts/Lightsaber Forms pages on separate tabs for quick reference so you can more accurately portray them.

Syntax

With the newfound wound, Kadrol attacked immediately. But he inexperience in actual battles was his undoing.

The first error of note here was beginning the second sentence with "But," which implies a continuation of the previous sentence; thus the period should be a comma and the whole section one longer sentence rather than two distinct ones. The second notable issue is "he experience" which should be "his experience."

And he didn't see it coming[...]

Once again, you began a sentence as though it were the continuation of the previous one. Outside of dialogue, there are very few situations where a sentence should begin with "and."

[...]flawed in your execution" spoke Brimstone[...]

In this transition from dialogue to narration, you need to have a comma after "execution."

[...]no matter what you do.

Here you forgot to end your speech with a quotation mark. Make sure you're getting your posts proofed before finalizing them to avoid simple typos such as this.

You have to use the full use of the Force[...]

The phrasing here doesn't make sense. Perhaps "You have to make full use of the Force" would serve your purpose better.

[...]on the hardend floor.

Minor typo here; should be "hardened."

He winced in pain as his back spasm from the blow.

Spasmed. Another minor typo. Look into getting a proofer.

Story

The Chiss took the momentary advantage and swung a low round kick towards his apprentice's legs, sweeping him from his stance.

In the entire course of this combat, you don't really show where either of the characters are in relation to each other, so it's hard to see if this is even a feasible maneuver. Kadrol had vaulted toward Brimstone, but had backpedalled after the Blind, and there was no mention of Brimstone moving to close the distance. This sort of lack of detail creates a flat and uninspired story for the reader; in this case, to the point of distraction.

Kadrol slowly regained his vision, just in a second before forked lightning from his Master's hands struck him.

First, it should be noted that the "in" here should be omitted. On the Story level, this makes for a poor ending to your post as it 1) leaves the weakened Kadrol to deal with your Force Lightning in his post, and 2) is completely counter to the dialogue that immediately precedes this line, which suggests that Kadrol would be allowed to recover at least a little.

Realism

Kadrol opened his hands and pointed towards his master, releasing a torrent of light blue arcs of lightning at his direction.

Kadrol has +2 to his Force Lightning, requiring several seconds of concentration on past emotional experiences. Here you show no such display, and while one could surmise such an effort, the simple presentation offers nothing to the story or image of the character or his abilities.

So he ignited his blade, and with enhanced muscles, leaped towards him to strike.

At this point, Kadrol has suffered a rather harsh lightsaber wound, been thrown into the wall, and used his Force Lightning ability (at his level of +2, "a single use will leave the user feeling winded, physically, and emotionally taxed," as described in the wiki). You fail to show how he manages to conjure up this additional strength and concentration, or any of the other effects that would otherwise accompany his current condition.

And he didn't see it coming as his master grabbed hold of him by his injured wrist and flipped him effortlessly, flinging him over into one of the shiny walls with a thud.

This whole scene is a major detractor for your ignorance of both yours and Kadrol's CSs in addition to the circumstances of the combat. Kadrol's Duelist Aspect give him a one-on-one focus which is herein ignored. Further, Brimstone engages him in hand-to-hand combat when they had just been fighting with lightsabers, making this an unlikely maneuver at best. Brimstone also specializes in Sliding hands, which uses an opponent's momentum against them. Here, you use your +0 Might to grab and throw Kadrol across the room, and not with the advantage of redirected momentum.

Brimstone dropped his barrier and with a wave of his hand, exploded in a bright light that suddenly blinded the room[...]

At +1 proficiency, Brimstone would have to devote several seconds of concentration in order to conjure the Force for this application.

He winced in pain as his back spasm from the blow.

According to his racial Feat Didn't Hurt!, Zabraks are less susceptible to pain than the average sentient. In this case, he merely falls on his back from a standing position; a far cry from the lightsaber wound that hardly made him balk at all earlier in the fight.

Continuity

[...]swinging wildly with his amber blade[...]

Neither you nor Kadrol has an amber-colored lightsaber, as established in both the weapons loadouts and the story thus far.

Synopsis

There is a lot that could be said about this post, but the individual comments do quite a bit on their own. However, I will say that there appears to be a very blatant disregard for Character Sheets and basic knowledge of Force Powers, Skills, and Martial Arts. I highly recommend having the DJB wiki open to those respective pages whenever you're writing a post, or in general for that matter. Further, to elaborate on the Story notations, the combat lacked a great deal of detail that was either necessary for an accurate portrayal or would have made the combat engaging rather than the flat and uninspired affair that was written. If you're going to make the fight so one-sided, at least put more emphasis into the teaching angle of the story. As it is, it's just a middle-aged, 256 kilogram (you might want to revisit your CS for character dimensions while you're at it) Chiss beating on a lanky fifteen year-old.

Syntax

Kadrol pressed himself against the wall and used his uninjured right hand to get to his feet, he hadn't been back on his feet for[...]

The sentence should end after "feet," and another should begin at "he." As it is, this is a very profound run-on sentence.

As Kadrol charged at Brimstone, the Zabrak smirked at the fact that he knew he had a trick up his sleeve, well, up his arm and through the fingertips of his mangled left hand.

Similar to previous note. This is a run-on sentence that should be split up; here, at "sleeve."

It must be from the lightning. He thought.

Thoughts, like speech/dialogue, should be separated from the narration with a comma. "He" should also be lowercase.

Story

[...]he hadn't been back on his feet for long before a nice blend of yellow-green liquid with orange chunks scattered throughout came flowing through his mouth and spilled onto the floor.

This is actually a very good way to display the effect of the combat on your character and break up the action a bit. In such cases, you could use this as an opportunity for additional dialogue or thoughts.

[...]and with the hand wrapped up by his cloak, unleashed the charge through his fingers.

Charge of what? It is somewhat evident in the sentences that follow this that you are referring to Force Lightning, but there is no display in the lead-up to this moment: no concentration, no tapping into emotions, and all this in the heat of battle with a mere +2 proficiency. The time is there, but it is because you don't show the build-up that this is a minor Story detractor.

He noticed that there was a crimson stain on his cloak. It must be from the lightning. He thought.

What would cause a crimson stain? Lightsabers will, save for extreme circumstances, not create a bloody mess, and lightning would likewise not result in bleeding because it is simply an energy discharge. If he is bleeding, then show it. Elaborate on it! Give the reader more than puke and a spot of blood.

Realism

The Zabrak used his cloak as a brace for his newly deformed wrist[...]

Kadrol might have been able to make a sling, or even a wrapping for his wrist, but a brace requires a stiff piece of material to keep the afflicted limb immobile. At +0 Medicine, being able to make a brace in the midst of combat is unlikely at best.

[...]and continued with a charge at his master, sword in hand.

By this point, Kadrol has withstood Force Lightning, a lightsaber wound, using advanced Force powers, and has otherwise been getting his butt kicked. Regardless of your Didn't Hurt Feat, he would be utterly ragged and unable to "charge" anyone, much less effectively. That both Kadrol's Resolve and Endurance are a whopping +0 proficiency only serves to solidify this observation.

Continuity

They pressed hard on the three sabers[...]

Brimstone said in his previous post that he had put away his sabers, making this a minor error in continuity. One plus zero does not equal three. Next time, show your opponent drawing their weapons.

Synopsis

This post left a lot to be desired. While you managed to break up some of the action with your character finally displaying some sort of effect from the rigors of combat, you failed to follow through on it. Kadrol, immediately afterward, charged forward as though nothing had happened and not only engaged, but overpowered Brimstone who, until that point, had otherwise dominated the engagement. Even then, the combat was flat and lacking detail about the fighting, since you put more effort into pointing out what hand was injured and which was holding a lightsaber. Coupled with the Continuity error, this made for a poor read and a blatantly poorer show of effort. The only upside I can see is that there were relatively few errors with Character Sheets, but at only 280 words, there wasn't much space to make any errors.

Syntax

[...]his apprentice was to head strong[...]

Corrections to this: too and headstrong. Minor errors.

I accept your striking blow to end my failures" retorted the Zabrak.

Missing a comma in the dialogue-to-narrative transition.

But the was the old ways of the Chiss.

Grammatically awkward and incorrect. "But that was the old ways of the Chiss," would suffice better.

But now, you will forget all you have learn, you will instead be subjected to extreme reconditioning.

Here "learn" should be "learned." Further, this sentence should be broken up into two sentences after "learn" (or learned, had it been written correctly).

"Now go to the bacta lab and get yourself repaired, meet me tomorrow for your new life and your new training" spoke Brim to him.

Holy druk. Do you even proof, bruh? New sentence should be started after "repaired," you once again forgot to close your dialogue with a comma (or any punctuation aside from quotation marks), and "spoke Brim to him" is abhorrently awkward language that should never be spoken again.

"I will never fail you again master" Kadrol replied with a bow.

Didn't close out the dialogue with punctuation. Again.

Story

Brimstone stayed in the kneeling position[...]

The way this reads, it comes off as though Brimstone were wholly in control of himself (which is reinforced by the latter part of the paragraph) despite that he was just hit by a surge of Force Lightning. This is a minor error, but an error nonetheless, as it puts Brimstone in a "Mary Sue" position to the reader.

"I will spare you, but not in the resemblance of pity[...]

This entire monologue is abhorrently long and equally melodramatic. Rather than pushing forth the story, this comes off as wordy filler for your post, especially given that Kadrol had just collapsed out of exhaustion.

He then felt himself getting pulled up to his feet.

It is unclear who has the feeling of getting pulled to their feet here, especially given the subject of the previous sentence was Brimstone. Thus, "himself" would imply that Kadrol was helping Brimstone to his feet; not the other way around.

Realism

Even though he hit him straight with the lightning, since his apprentice didn't block it, he held back to not supply the killing shot.

Kadrol had just hit Brimstone with Force Lightning. The Chiss wouldn't be in any position to provide a "killing blow" between his repeated use of advanced Force powers and his whopping +0 Endurance and +1 Resolve.

"Master, I have failed you. I accept your striking blow to end my failures" retorted the Zabrak.

There is absolutely nothing in the Character Sheet or preceding dialogue that suggests that Kadrol would accept being killed over a training match. If anything, this is not only obscenely over-dramatic, but counter to Kadrol's Loyalty Is Earned, Not Bought Aspect, which would require that such extreme loyalty have been earned in equal measure from his "superior."

Synopsis

At least there were no Continuity errors this time. It is clear that this post was utterly rushed since you have Syntax issues out the wazoo, showing a total lack of proofing that was done beforehand. In addition to the above-noted Story issues, you also received a detractor for not having any combat with Kadrol in the final post. Dialogue and a driven story are important, but if you check the Expanded section of the rubric, you will see that engaging your opponent is a required feature. You had fewer Realism errors in this post, but that seems to be attributed to the utter lack of conflict between the two characters. Next time, make sure you get your post(s) proofed beforehand, and not just for Syntax (though that is apparently a consistent issue), but for the whole ACC Rubric.