Knight Kylex vs. Knight Talis DeMorte

Knight Kylex

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Sith, Shadow
vs.

Knight Talis DeMorte

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Miraluka, Force Disciple, Marauder
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC! This was a very enjoyable match to judge between two evenly matched writers, which shows in the scoring.

From a syntax standpoint both your posts were generally clean and made for smooth reads. There were some minor errors throughout that could have been caught with closer proofing but I can't really give an advantage in syntax to one competitor over the other.

In realism the advantage goes to Talis even though the scores were technically tied. Talis had one error that was very minor in comparison to Kylex's two. I would advise you both to review the Force powers wiki whenever you are drafting an ACC post to help catch realism gray areas. Losing points in realism is basically giving them to an opponent in a close match like this.

You both got 3s in story for similar reasons. There were missed opportunities on both sides to provide the reader with some more context on the why of the fight. Talis set up the classic intel gathering story but then didn't do much with it. Kylex also ignored the why and got lost in the verbal and physical sparring. The action and witty dialogue was strong on both sides and really made the match fun to read, but the why and framing a match in a larger narrative is what separates average matches from great ones. I have to give an ever so slight edge to Talis because of the endings. Talis' ending felt like a complete ending, even if it was a bit one-sided. Kylex's ending had tremendous potential but felt rushed and ultimately left me as the reader unsatisfied.

The scores were tied, but upon closer examination I have to give the edge to Talis in both realism and story which breaks the deadlock. You both did an excellent job but there must be one winner...

Talis DeMorte is the winner

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Kylex, Knight Talis DeMorte
Winner Knight Talis DeMorte
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Kylex's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Talis DeMorte's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Jakku: Fallen Starship
Last Post 2 January, 2017 4:56 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Syntax - 15%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Kylex Sanguris
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Aside from some glaring typos in your opening post, nothing that interrupted the flow of reading. Rationale: Minor mistakes that didn't detract from reading.
Story - 40%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Kylex Sanguris
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Your premise for the fight could have used more development (What was the intel? Why was it important? What was Kylex really doing there?). Also the one-sided nature of your ending post hurt you. Those kept you from a 4. Rationale: You missed an opportunity to expand upon why the characters were at the venue and fighting. You also could have mixed things up a bit with the venue itself. You provided some solid imagery but aside from those brief descriptions the venue was very static and the fight could have occurred almost anywhere. Those two things kept you from a 4.
Realism - 25%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Kylex Sanguris
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You had the strength issue in your opening post. Rationale: You stretched Force Lighting and Force Cloak a little too much in your posts relative to the levels the characters had them at. Double-check the Force Powers wiki when drafting posts in the future.
Continuity - 20%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Kylex Sanguris
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: No issues that I could see.
Neza-Rem Zarabi's Score: 3.8 Kylex Sanguris's Score: 3.8
Posts

Jakku Fallen Starship

A year after the destruction of the second Death Star in the celebrated Battle of Endor, another war was waged between the New Republic and Galactic Empire. Basking beneath the desert sun of Jakku rests the remnants of this hostility. Shifting sands have since buried and uncovered countless treasures and relics- to the delight of scavengers eager who hope to recover tokens from either side of the conflict!

The harsh desert offers little shelter from the elements, remaining barren and flat against the imposing backdrop of a fallen Star Destroyer that was left uncovered after the famed Battle of Jakku. Rather than allowing the vessel to fall into the hands of the Republic after the self-destruct had been sabotaged, Captain Ciena Ree ordered the Inflictor evacuated and sent it crashing to the planet’s surface. Sunken into the shifting desert sea, the upper portion of the Inflictor’s hull and exhaust ports remain otherwise intact, preserved amidst the rubble of untold casualties that had once occurred on both sides. Although it has been scoured by the passing of several sandstorms, it still displays the former power and might of the Galactic Empire.

Fallen Starship

Innumerous scraps of metal and machines of war share the same grave, echoing the lives of those who fought and died among the perilous wastes. Hundreds of these relics sit untouched, lingering amidst the ghosts that tend and reside in Jakku’s graveyard.

The Sun had gone down an hour before the Arthos’ humming engines could be heard cutting the dead silence. The Baudo-Class Star yacht came to a lurching stop inside the starboard exhaust port of the Inflictor’s wrecked carcass. The last rays of Jakku’s sun were still grasping at the skyline as the engines cut out. Talis immediately began reaching out with the Force to the area but was interrupted by the Captain whose voice blared out of the computer next to him.

“Another shuttle is present, Master Jedi. No life signs in the immediate area. Scanning the interior of the Inflictor for life signs, will report back when that's completed.”

‘Well, looks like I am not the only person here.’ The Odanite let out a heavy sigh as he prepared himself mentally to use his teachings in the Force to hide himself.

“Looks like we are not the only ones who have heard the rumors about the intel Captain, on my mark destroy that shuttle but not a moment sooner,” Talis replied before he lifted his middle finger off the panel’s comm activation button and jammed his thumb into his belt. The Knight stood in front of the ship's ramp as it slowly lowered to the ground with the creaking of controlled pressure and ended with a dull thud.

Talis exited his ship with his right thumb still holding onto his belt and his left arm swinging at his side as he took long strides down the ramp. The cloaked Miraluka made his way to the other ship and inspected it. After a few minutes, Talis turned towards a gaping hole in the exhaust port on its starboard side and made his way to it. Reaching out from himself, the Jedi began prodding out, to sense his quarry as he entered the enveloping blackness of the ship’s interior.


Talis made his way to an elevator shaft and searched for any form of assistance he could find to traverse to the bridge of the ship. He found a ladder that stopped every five floors at maintenance platforms. The Sentinel let out a dissatisfied sigh before beginning his long climb. Talis made good time as he ascended the elevator shaft but stayed concentrated on keeping his Force aptitude suppressed from any unwanted prying minds. As he came to the top he could hear some cursing from some open doors above him.

Talis approached the bulwark along the maintenance platform making sure to utilize his training from when he was a member of Strike Team Ooroo. The Miralukan pulled his hood back and peeked around the corner. He could see a form hunched over a lit up console. Strewn across the console was various devices from an external power source to a decryption pad and an external data storage drive. Talis smiled to himself. He wouldn't need to do any of the hard work.

‘Might as well let the person do my job for me,’ The Knight thought to himself.

Talis stayed crouched and ready as he waited. Making sure to keep himself suppressed to avoid detection.

Suddenly a clanging noise caught Talis’ attention and caused him to peek back around the corner. The man was packing up his belongings in a hurry as if something had spooked him.

“Captain, don’t reply,” the Odanite whispered into his communicator, “Destroy the ship and the Evac location has changed, it will be atop the Inflictor’s bridge tower.”

A distant explosion sent a quiver through the ship. Talis sprang into action, reaching out, creating a blinding flash as he leapt past the being. A yelp of surprise told Talis it had worked as he landed on his feet in a dead run. The Odanite had deftly snagged the guys gear before bounding towards a decent sized hole in the ceiling of the room. As he slid to a stop Talis reached deep into the Force and pushed off the floor of the bridge and up through the hole. The Knight landed in a maintenance compartment between the shielding and bridge below. Talis moved to another hole in the armor, leaping and rolling as he went to avoid the scattered wreckage in the compartment.

As he came to a sliding stop Talis sprang up again the hole. This time clearing the exterior armor and came out into the night air. He landed nimbly and began running towards the edge where a distant humming could be heard. Behind him Talis heard the lightsaber activated and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

Talis turned his body to his left and pulled his lightsaber out and in one motion, activated it, and smacked the incoming lightsaber into the durasteel plating. The Odanite dropped the bag behind him and started marching his foe back with superior raw strength. The man’s feet tapped away as he tried to stay on his feet. The tall Miralukan disengaged and planted his feet shoulder length apart with a stomp. His shoulders were turned and his knees were slightly bent.

“So,” The man paused, “a Jedi, who’d have thunk, I wondered why I couldn’t sense you.”

“Maybe spend more time training useful skills other than fighting, Sith.” The tone of gleefulness and anticipation soaked Talis’ voice. He finally had a chance to fight after sitting on a ship for so long. The dark green blade of Talis’ lightsaber began swiping back and forth as the Odanite bounced on the balls of his feet. He relaxed his grip and stopped bouncing as his opponent took up his own stance across from him.

His hand firmly grasped high on the hilt of his lightsaber, just under his emitter, in his right hand. The man’s feet planted sturdy, shoulder length across and with his right foot back. His lightsaber back and poised for a strike. Talis’ senses flared like a raging fire as the man burst forward at him. The Jedi stepped back as a vicious slash rent the air where the Miraluka stood. Talis sent an upward swipe in at the man's lower body.

The Sith reflexively swatted downward as Talis turned and used the collision’s momentum to aid his spin as he bound upward and brought three downward slashes at the man's head in quick, swirling, repetition. The man’s defense was waiting. To any onlooker it would have looked like a green buzz saw blade striking an unbraced piece of steel as the Red lightsaber took the blows and rattled from it.

Talis landed and diverted the man's next strike away from his body allowing his momentum to bring him forward. The knight spun and smacked his opponents lateral defense before bounding back a step and went back to his stance but extended his hand out behind him.

“So,” the man interjected, “who am i fighting?”

“Most folks give their name first before asking,” Talis quibbled back at the man.

“Fair enough.” The man thought for a moment. “My name is your death.”

“That’s an odd name,” The Odanite jeered back at the man, “Must have been a hard childhood, your parents must have really hated you.”

“Well at least you are entertaining, so what is your name.”

“My name is, Your...” The Sentinel paused as a smirk crept across his face. “daddy.”

The Sentinel bounded forward at the man with his lightsaber held high before suddenly stopping short. The Miralukan took a deep step to his right before throwing a wrap shot at his enemy by rolling his hand and bringing his strike up at the man’s open back. The two lightsabers collided in bright sparks as they locked in a struggle of pure strength. Both combatants pulled their heads back and spit in the others eyes. Talis’ enemy reeled back as the knight held his ground.

“What in world?” The man exclaimed out loud.

“I don't have eyes to spit in bud.” Talis brought his hand up to his wrapping and wiped the spit off it.

“You’re a Miraluka?”

“Yep,” The Jedi replied smugly.

Talis flicked his blade up and pointed it across his body at a right angle and and at a right angle form this wrist. He loosened his grip on his hilt and adjusted his feet to rest at shoulder length and bent his knees as he turned his offhand shoulder away from his enemy.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 11 January, 2017 3:22 AM UTC

Syntax

Both combatants pulled their heads back and spit in the others eyes.

You're missing an apostrophe for "others" to make it possessive.

Talis flicked his blade up and pointed it across his body at a right angle and and at a right angle form this wrist.

Double "and" toward the end and I think you meant "from" instead of "form"

Story

Both combatants pulled their heads back and spit in the others eyes.

This seemed very random at first until I noticed both characters had the dirty fighter aspect. I applaud your use of both CSs but from a story standpoint it still seemed odd that they'd both attempt the same dirty trick at the exact same time. Also, why would Kylex attempt to spit into someone's eyes who is clearly wearing cloth around his eyes?


Overall this was a very strong opening post. You painted a detailed scene for the reader and established the in-character conflict in a natural way. Your use of dialogue for both characters was superb and made for a fun post.

Realism

The Baudo-Class Star yacht

This did not affect your score in any way but I feel the need to point out that the Arthos is no longer officially part of COU's fleet since possessions came out. I point this out because the ACC rules will eventually catch up with possessions and you will need to be mindful about what your character has and doesn't have in future matches. The same goes with Clan assets to a lessor extent. Just something to think about. Again, didn't affect your score in any way.

The Odanite dropped the bag behind him and started marching his foe back with superior raw strength.

It's a bit of a stretch to say superior raw strength given that both characters have +3 might. It's also worth pointing out that Kylex uses Djem So which is a form focused on using power to overwhelm opponents while Talis uses Ataru which relies on speed to overwhelm opponents. All things being equal, Kylex would be more apt to leverage his physical strength in saber combat than Talis would just based on their chosen forms. Talis could certainly gain the upper hand as you described but you'd need to explain it with something other than "superior raw strength."

The hull of the downed Star Destroyer creaked as the two Knights fought, each clash of their blades echoing throughout the carcase of this once great minister of death. Kylex had been busy grabbing spare parts for his collection when he felt a disturbance in the Force approach him.

“So, you must have heard about the intel.” Talis said, jumping forward towards the Sith with a combination of slashes and stabs.

“Intel? I was just in the area looking for a lovely place for a summer home.” Kylex retorted, repelling the Miralurka’s barrage.

“Really?” Talis said, half convinced, and brought his green blade down towards the Sith from the right.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?!” Kylex shrieked with maddened laugher, quickly parrying the attack with his left hand. “AND NOW YOU ARE OPEN!” The Sith yelled as he angled his blade, thrusting it towards the Jedi’s chest. Talis’s senses went into overdrive as adrenaline flooded into his muscles, narrowly sidestepping the stab.

“And this is where you lose your arm.” Talis said, raising his blade above his head.

“Really now?” Kylex laughed, concentrating the Force in his left hand, shoving the Miraluka with a telekinetic blast, sending him sprawling onto the floor with a grunt. Seizing the opportunity, Kylex quickly leapt to his feet, twirling his red blade around before raising it above his head.

“I just realised how dark it is in here.” Kylex said, waving his lightsaber around. “I can barely see anything.”

“Oh no, the horror.” Talis replied, quickly getting to his feet and levelling his green blade as it hummed ominously.

“Testy.” Kylex said, glaring at the Miraluka as he deactivated his lightsaber. With a swoosh, the red light vanished from the room, leaving the two knights standing in near darkness. Light poured in from small cracks in the hull of the ship, highlighting dust that had been disturbed by their little confrontation. Kylex quickly charged the Miraluka, retrieving a small vibroknife from his boot as he ran.

“You think that will work?!” Talis yelled.The Jedi lunged forward, focusing as intently as a prowling Nexu, and made a wide sweep of his blade. As it arched towards Kylex, the Sith was already slipping into shadow. The Knight disappeared, ducking between Talis’s legs as the Miraluka searched around wildly.

“Where did he...” said the Jedi, lowering his blade.

Alright, just focus. He thought, bringing his free hand to his temple.

“AAARGH!” The Miraluka screamed, quickly collapsing onto his left leg. The vibroknife the Sith had in his hands mere moments ago was now firmly lodged in Talis’ lower calf muscle.

“BASTARD!” He yelled, swinging his lightsaber around him wildly .

“You called?” Kylex replied as he rocketed out from the shadows with tremendous force, tackling Talis and knocking his lightsaber out of reach. The two tumbled around, trading punches until Kylex got on top of the Jedi. Knowing that even a single hit to the head from this Shadow could lose him the fight, Talis quickly pulled the vibroknife out of his leg and plunged it into Kylex’s right arm. Instead of a yell of pain, a smile began spreading over the Sith's face.

“Arm is metal, buddy.” He laughed, pulling the blade from the steel.

“Right then.” Talis said, using all his might to headbutt the Sith and sent him sprawling onto the floor.

“You cheeky little…” Kylex said, grasping his head as he quickly got to his feet. “It's on.”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 11 January, 2017 4:02 AM UTC

Syntax

each clash of their blades echoing throughout the carcase of this once great minister of death.

Carcass, not "carcase."

Kylex shrieked with maddened laugher

Laughter, not "laugher."

“And this is where you lose your arm.” Talis said, raising his blade above his head.

The period after arm should be a comma. See the dialogue section of the ACC guide

Story

Talis’s senses went into overdrive as adrenaline flooded into his muscles, narrowly sidestepping the stab.

Excellent description of the Lighting Reflexes feat.


From a story standpoint you did everything a follow-up post is supposed to do: you expanded the imagery of the environment, carried the action forward and deepened the character conflict. Your dialogue also contained some great one-liners that made me laugh.

Realism

The Jedi lunged forward, focusing as intently as a prowling Nexu, and made a wide sweep of his blade. As it arched towards Kylex, the Sith was already slipping into shadow. The Knight disappeared, ducking between Talis’s legs as the Miraluka searched around wildly.

This passage is problematic from a realism standpoint because either Kylex is using his Ghost I feat for Force Cloak or he's literally slipping into a dark area, either represents a minor detractor. If Kylex is using his Force Cloak power here, your depiction stretches what he could do at +3, even with the Ghost feat. At +3 Kylex could vanish "in the space of a few seconds" but you depict it as happening almost instantaneously. Kylex charges Talis and then disappears between his legs. Ignoring the whole between the legs bit for a moment, which presents its own issue, Kylex wouldn't have been able to cloak that fast because he was running. He would have needed to stop and concentrate to cloak. The Ghost I feat even specifically says "while moving slowly and deliberately." An alternate interpretation of this passage is that Kylex wasn't using the Force and was moving into actual shadows. That's problematic because Talis is a Miraluka and doesn't use the visible light spectrum to see and would have seen Kylex were he attempting to hide without aid of the Force.

Talis rolled to his left and pushed off the ground with his arms, sending him clear of the white haired Sith. He began reaching out to his surroundings, prodding and searching. The familiar pull of his lightsaber quickly drew the Miralukan’s attention.

A sudden, angry whizzing activation of Kylex’s fiery red blade broke the Knights concentration. Talis could feel the residual emotions of anger and resentment flowing from the Mandalorian as he closed quickly on the Jedi. The Sith’s strikes were erratic, as he chased his eyeless foe. He was picking up speed and getting angrier as he missed. The athletic Jedi kept just out of the man’s reach, constantly pooling the Force into one leg or the other to assist his legs as he bounded out of the enraged human’s path.

‘Well, lightsaber is out of the question,’ the thought shot across the Sentinel’s mind as he braced himself. Talis knew he could not keep this game of cat and mouse up forever so he planted his feet and prepared to defend himself. The relentless berserker's hand rose. Memories of being tortured during the Great Jedi War flooded back as the air around him took on a familiar feel. The stalwart Odanite stood his ground and gathered himself.

The Jedi lifted both his hands, heat searing his palms, and acted purely on instinct. The Miralukan bent his knees and turned his hips to the right as he absorbed the incoming wave of energy into his hands and then diverted it down into the durasteel armor of the Star Destroyer. Tendrils shot out from beneath the Sentinel, outlining him in the dark night. Shifting his energies, the sentinel braced his arms as he watched his opponent close on him.

“Come here!” Bellowed the irate man as he barrelled at the Jedi.

“No,” Talis retorted with a laugh.

Talis saw the downward arching hack coming and stepped hard to the right at the last second. A sharp burning sensation blazed up the Knight’s left leg reminding him of his injury but it did not slow him. He deftly grabbed the inside of his attackers cybernetic forearm and felt the reinforcing strength of the Force throughout his left arm.

Now with his shoulders squared, the taller of the combatants stepped back hard with his left leg and pulled down on the Human’s extending cybernetic arm. Bringing his right elbow up with all of his strength, Talis landed a solid strike just to the fleshier side of the Mandalorians cybernetic attachment. The resounding crunch of the enraged Sith’s collar bone brought loud and vibrant curses from his mouth that turned to a deep growl.

“There is passion,” the Miraluka began to speak to his opponent, “yet there is peace, there is emotion, yet there is serenity, there is chaos, yet there is order, through balance I gain knowledge and through knowledge i gain strength, through balance, I am free.”

The Odanite, holding the limp cybernetic arm up, summoned forth his memories of the last Great Jedi War as he extended his hand over the injured enemy. The normally kind Jedi could feel the tendrils of energy reaching out for a target as the searing bright veins of electricity descended upon the kneeling and injured Shadow. His screams of pain echoed out to the night sky as he crumpled into a ball.

“Doesn’t feel good, now does it!” Talis howled at the slumped heap before him.

Trails of smoke lifted from the now unconscious body of his adversary as the Jedi turned and extended his hand. A wave of emotions hit Talis as he tried to pull his weapon to him. His breathing became ragged and his shoulders felt heavy. Blinking hard as he bottled up his memories and drew on what little strength he had left. The Odanite collected his lightsaber before returning to the prone heap.

A groan echoed from the lump curled up before him. The Sith grabbed his lightsaber in his cybernetic hand and gasped as he pulled himself forward. Talis stood a few paces before him with his lightsaber in hand. With a burst forward Kylex leaped at the Miralukan. The Sentinel side stepped the leaping stab and sliced downward. The fizzle of the melting metal arm rang out as Talis pulled his slash through the extended mechanical apendage. Spinning on his toes, Talis brought his elbow up and around, landing a solid strike to the side of the Shadow’s head.

Again, his body slumped down to the ground unconscious as the victor sliced the emitter off of the fallen human’s lightsaber to avoid any further fighting. With a deep breath the Odanite deactivated his dark emerald blade and attached his lightsaber along the back of his belt. Kneeling next to his unconscious foe, the Jedi removed the katana from its sheath and tossed it off the side of the bridge tower’s roof. He did the same for his rapier as well before moving to check the body for signs of life.

As the exhausted Jedi reached down to check the human, a burst of air collided and sent his robes flapping behind him. The Arthos hovered just over the dark expanse of nothingness that dropped off the sides of the once great Star Destroyer.

“Master Jedi,” the captain’s voice blurted over the comm unit on his arm. “We need to leave it seems your buddy alerted some of his own friends to crash your party.”

“Roger that,” the Jedi replied. Talis retrieved the bag of belongings he had stolen that had started the life or death match between the two contenders. The Miraluka boarded the Arthos and made his way to the bridge of the ship.

“So how was your evening Master Jedi?” One of the crew prodded. He was a younger kid, maybe a decade younger. His emotions of curiosity and wonderment filled the sentinel’s heart.

“It was tiring,” Talis replied with a smile. He wondered what Master Revak would think of what he had done. Soon his mind wandered elsewhere, chasing his old memories of the atrocities of war.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 11 January, 2017 4:15 AM UTC

Syntax

through knowledge i gain strength

I should always be capitalized.

The fizzle of the melting metal arm rang out as Talis pulled his slash through the extended mechanical apendage.

Appendage, not "apendage."

Story

You did a good job of showing the reader Talis' emotional state as he took each action in the ending. You did everything you were supposed to do in an ending in that you resolved the conflict (there was a clear winner) and you even added a small epilogue of sorts with Talis wondering what his master would think of what he had done. My major complaint about this post is it seems a bit one-sided. You needed to depict Kylex a little more and make him seem like more of a threat than you did. These characters are very evenly matched and you didn't do that justice in this post which hurt the dramatic tension.

Kylex’s eyes shon brightly with brilliant purple as he eyed his prey, Odanite Talis DeMorte. The Sith had been quietly wandering through the shell of the once great imperial vessel, absorbed in the thoughts of what occurred so many years ago, when Talis had so rudely interrupted him. The Knight had received a message from his Quaestor telling him to hurry up and get back to Caina as soon as possible when the Jedi attacked.

“Come on buddy, let's dance.” Kylex said enthusiastically. “Oh wait, you can’t with a knife wound in your leg!”

“You have a point, but I’m afraid that won’t stop me.” Talis retorted, getting to his feet and raising his green blade. “You see, I am healing that wound as we speak!”

“Oh I am aware, better your focus be on your wound than on me.” The Sith said smugly, sitting on a nearby crate and pulling a snack bar from his pocket. Talis lowered his lightsaber slightly, a look of confusion spread across his face.

“What are you doing?” Asked the Jedi, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m bored, I eat when I’m bored.” Kylex replied.

“Are you kidding? We were at each others throats a minute ago, and now you are bored?!” Talis exclaimed, even more confused than before.

“My mood changes a lot.” Said the Shadow as he bit into the bar. “Here, have one.” He said, retrieving another bar and throwing it at Talis. The bar hit the Knight square in the face, dropping and hitting the floor with a light thud.

“I’m not hungry.” He replied, running as best he could towards Kylex, taking a wide slash at him.

“Thats a shame.” Said Kylex nonchalantly with the bar still in his mouth. He quickly dropped onto his back and watched as the green blade passed over where his head had been moments ago. The Sith quickly called his lightsaber to his hand, hitting the ignition button as the red plasma sprang to life with a hiss. The two blades met one again, sparks of red and green flying as the two pressed against each other with equal strength. Talis’s strength suddenly seemed to double, bringing Kylex’s own blade close to his neck. Acting quickly, the Sith lifted his leg, landing a cheeky crotch shot, and using the momentum to send Talis tumbling over him into a stack of crates.

“I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad. I got sunshine in a bag.” Sung Kylex as he got to his feet, bringing his saber up to his chest and pointed towards Talis.

“What are you on about?” Shouted the Jedi as he jumped at the Sith.

“No squealing cus remember it's all in your head!” Kylex yelled, quickly taking a half step back, then lunging forward with a variety of stabs. Talis held his saber high, quickly blocking the flurry of stabs.

“Your technique betrays you, Sith” Talis said, quickly dodging to Kylex’s flank and striking with a wide sweep. The Sith dropped to his knees, the green blade sizzling ominously as it just missed him. Kylex saw his opening and dropped his lightsaber, drawing his right arm back and sending it hurtling at Talis. The cold steel scraped along the wall, sending sparks flying with its ferocious speed. The punch connected, hitting Talis in the cheek and knocking a few teeth loose, scattering them along the floor. The Jedi reeled back in pain, grabbing at his cheek before Kylex snatched his lightsaber, stashing it somewhere in his clothes.

“GIVE THAT BACK!” Yelled Talis, his mind still whirling from the punch.

“Oh, I don’t think so.” Kylex said with a sadistic grin, slowly unsheathing his katana. The cold steel glinted in the light, sending patterns dancing around the room as he held it in his right hand. A look of fear crossed Talis’s face as the Sith ran at him, katana held back and pointed down. The Odanite quickly refocused on what was happening, raising his hand as bursts of purple energy leapt from his fingers at Kylex. The Sith laughed at the futility of the attack, quickly dodging the attack before stabbing Talis in the shoulder. The impact drove the blade deep into his flesh, pinning him to a nearby wall. He sat there, trying not to scream as he coughed up blood while he tried to think.

“It is so nice of you to stick around.” Kylex said as he paced back and forth in front of the Odanite. “You are a good fighter, I’ll give you that, but you were just simply outplayed.” He said as he reached over his shoulder and unsheathed his rapier, waving the weapon around menacingly.

“Oh yeah?” Talis said, coughing up more blood as he placed his left hand on the katana and pulling it out of himself.

“Who said you could leave?!” The Sith said as he tilted his head, eyes as wide as plates and a smile that went from ear to ear.

“Me.” Talis said, hitting Kylex with a blinding flash.

“SITHSPIT!” Yelled the Sith as he grabbed at his eyes. Finally, Kylex opened his eyes to see no trace of Talis.

Heh… damn brat. He said, getting onto the ground and laying out. The Sith pulled the Jedi’s lightsaber from his clothes, placing it next to him as he closed his eyes.

“I need a drink.”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 11 January, 2017 4:37 AM UTC

Syntax

We were at each others throats a minute ago, and now you are bored?!”

Others needs an apostrophe to indicate the possessive.

Story

I wasn't sure how to feel about this ending as a reader. On one hand you creatively used Kylex's...unique...mental state to disrupt the flow of the fight. The abrupt stop and start really let the reader experience his instability first hand, which was a masterful touch. On the other the actual ending itself with Talis fleeing was extremely abrupt and felt rushed.

Realism

The Odanite quickly refocused on what was happening, raising his hand as bursts of purple energy leapt from his fingers at Kylex.

Talis wouldn't have been able to conjure Force lighting that quickly with +2.