Combat Master’s Note: This venue was designed for use with the Unleashed Force power setting. However, unless both combatants agree, Force powers as listed in the setting of the battle MUST be followed. If participants decide differently they must alert the Combat Master before the battle concludes, or else the battle will be judged with standard Realism grades for Force power usage. See http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Valley_of_the_Jedi for more information on this location.
The Valley of the Jedi. The legendary location of the final battle under the surface of Ruusan, between the Army of Light and the Brotherhood of Darkness. The battle ended in an instant when the thought bomb detonated, trapping the spirits of hundreds of powerful Force users within the Valley for over a thousand years.
You stand near the edge of that very cave, waiting on the tiered stone steps that circle the Valley. The ground is rocky and uneven, sloping downwards towards the center. Stalagmites litter the floor, small outcroppings of rock thrust out from the ground like huge stone blades. But the piles of rocks pale in size compared to the stone statues circling the Valley in perfectly concentric circles. The statues seem almost alive, as if the faces of the dead had been perfectly captured in the carvings and still held traces of the doomed souls they represented.
In the Valley's center, an enormous mound is raised from the ground surrounded by six stone obelisks. From the mound, a blinding light explodes upwards, casting a soft glow of orange, yellow, and red over the entire cave. The light is a source of unimaginable power, an outpouring of pure energy able to strengthen one's connection to the Force—a Force Nexus.
Standing near it, you feel the currents washing over you. The Force practically hums with suppressed power, buzzing against you as if electricity was caressing your skin. Already your strength feels limitless, but you know that by basking in the vibrant light of the crystal, you will achieve ultimate power.
But you are not alone in your quest. The power of the Valley has drawn others to Ruusan. As you prepare for battle, you feel the Force flow through you… waiting to be unleashed.
Syntax
This is not a detractor but, as a general rule, you should write out the whole number as opposed to giving digits for small numerical values (eg. less than one hundred).
This reads like a section that you had decided to reword, but didn’t delete the original snippet. Regardless, “we” is incorrect in this case, as the ACC uses third-person point of view.
This begins what can be qualified as a Markdown typo. Make sure to preview your posts before submitting them.
This is a typo that reinforces what was said previously. Make sure you hit that Preview button before posting.
While a question mark is appropriate punctuation to end dialogue (even if the sentence continues), you still need to put a period at the end of the sentence proper. “Exclaimed” in this case should also not be capitalized.
Here you failed to use proper punctuation for closing out the dialogue (a comma, in this case), as well as capitalizing “He” and once again failing to properly end the sentence. These errors are repeated several more times through the remainder of your post.
This sentence should be broken into two separate statements after “tastes.” As written, it is grammatically incorrect and awkward to read.
“You’re,” with an apostrophe, is the necessary form here. The second sentence should either 1) be split up into two sentences after “droid,” or 2) given an “and” after “droid.” “It” should also not be capitalized.
This is a typo and should be “woman” instead.
Here “force” should be capitalized (force is physics, Force is the Star Wars space-wizard juice), and the obvious typo should be fixed to “growing.”
Story
First, if they already know you are there, then there is no “tipping them off.” They already know. That said, I am using this quote to illustrate something very distinct here that is a necessary element in the Story category of the grading rubric: you need to have conflict in your post(s). As it stands, simply having someone “watching” your characters does not constitute conflict, nor does the purported off-screen murder of a crazy hermit.
Assuming that you are using the layout map on Wookieepedia, and the Adegan Crystal Chamber is where the “mound” in the venue description is located, you would still need to walk through the remainder of the Meditation Complex first. This was not mentioned in any way. One moment they were at the entrance, and the next they were in the “crystal chamber.”
Realism
This is a planet (or at the very least a locale) that is utterly devoid of life, sentient or otherwise. Kylex is a pretty smart guy (Intellect +3), and a sadist at that. Fertilization wouldn’t do anything. The whole anecdote, if not this quip, seems uncharacteristic and out of place. Minor detractor.
It is unlikely Cinn would have any knowledge of such a thing given that he was not the one to recon the area (Kylex) and his knowledge only extends back to the Clone Wars. Given that the Sith base is also not level with the canyon floor (reference the map on Wookieepedia), I question how Kylex would have expected Cinn to clear it. Minor detractor.
Kylex doesn’t have a droid in his loadout. Minor detractor.
I am unsure where you gathered this detail, as it is in neither the venue description nor the Wookieepedia article. Even the images on the latter support the “mound” as described in the venue details. Minor detractor.
Synopsis
You had a lot of syntax errors that shows you did not proof your post much, if at all, and even beyond general typos there are consistent issues (ex. dialogue-to-narration transition). I highly recommend getting a proofer to help you improve your posts and maybe fix any hard-wired issues. Even as a cooperative match, you still need to have conflict, of which there was none. There was also little driving the story: Kylex dropped Cinn off to recon, Kylex came back, then they are in the crystal chamber.You don’t give a reason for their being in the valley, why they are doing this together, or who the people that are watching them are (again, need conflict). Your portrayal of the setting and characters could use some review as well, as such mistakes can cause confusion or inconsistencies.