Captain Sabe Baize vs. Knight Talis DeMorte

Captain Sabe Baize

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Human, Loyalist, Weapons Specialist
vs.

Knight Talis DeMorte

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Miraluka, Force Disciple, Marauder
Comment

Let me start off by apologizing profusely for the delay in the grading of this match and thanking you for your patience. Thank you both for participating in the ACC!

As to general comments for both of you, there isn't much in the area of syntax. Though, Sabe gets the edge here for having less errors and generally more variety in her descriptions and word usage. Talis takes the advantage in story even though the scores were tied. While slow, his beginning painted a vivid picture of the scene for the reader and his ending provided a satisfying closing with the epilogue. Sabe did a better job with the combat descriptions and keep up the dramatic tension in a fight between an NFU and a FU. You both need to work on your pacing and keeping a healthy amount of action dispersed through your posts. I'm a huge fan of dialogue myself, but as many often say this is the Antei Combat Center and combat/conflict should always be the focus. NFU vs FU fights present a challenge to both participants as you have to get creative to keep the fight interesting for the reader. An NFU can absolutely get blows in on an FU, see generally how Cad Bane beats up on Jedi in Clone Wars. Just bear that in mind for future matches. Always ask yourself, "how can I make this exciting for the reader?" One sided fights generally are not exciting to read.

Sabe had the realism error with the thermal detonator which ultimately tipped the score balance in Talis' favor. But the closeness of the scores should highlight the fact that you both did a very excellent job in this match and I look forward to reading future matches from each of you.

The winner is Talis DeMorte

Hall Duelist Hall
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Captain Sabe Baize, Knight Talis DeMorte
Winner Knight Talis DeMorte
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Captain Sabe Baize's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Talis DeMorte's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Club Vertica
Last Post 12 February, 2017 9:46 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Syntax - 15%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Satre Pelles
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: While your posts were generally clean from a syntax standpoint you did have a few error that detracted from reading. The "run-on introduction" specifically comes to mind. That brought you from a 4 to a high 3. Rationale: You had very few syntax errors that I could see and generally varied your word usage throughout. Good job!
Story - 40%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Satre Pelles
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Your posts were adequate from a story standpoint. You hit all the points you need to hit both in the introduction and your ending. See my comments on pacing in the introduction post and the one-sidedness of the fight in the ending post. Rationale: Your strength was definitely dialogue. In addition to hitting all the required elements of the middle and ending posts you managed to get some digs in at your opponent's character. Your combat description was also the stronger of the two, you just needed more of it.
Realism - 25%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Satre Pelles
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No significant realism issues that I could see. Rationale: You had the thermal detonator issue which was a minor detractor.
Continuity - 20%
Neza-Rem Zarabi Satre Pelles
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see Rationale: No issues that I could see
Neza-Rem Zarabi's Score: 3.9 Satre Pelles's Score: 3.8
Posts

Nar Shaddaa Club Vertica

A gambler’s den of the Vertical City’s greatest bettors, Club Vertica is a casino reserved for the wealthiest of Nar Shaddaa. Cardshark droids are used exclusively to deal hands to those willing to risk their credits at the sabacc tables. Cheating is rendered near impossible under the surveillance of the droid's six photoreceptors. That of course does not stop the downtrodden from accusing others of being a fraud, which can often happen before someone receives a blaster bolt between the eyes. The few that have able to use skiffers undetected are counted as some of the best swindlers in the Galaxy.

Cerulean lights illuminate the tables, making concealment during a game difficult. Seated around most of the oval tables are a mix of gamblers from different species, succumbing to their addiction for the ultimate prize—the sabacc pot. Credits are tossed onto the tables forming mountains that draw in fierce competitors with deeper pockets and faster wit than the usual patrons.

Behind the games of sabacc, drinks are being served from the alcove of a small bar. Most of these are a shade of blue in color, expertly mixed to dull the senses of all but the hardiest individuals. Onstage, a local band sets the mood of the venue with an upbeat number that deafens out most conversations. The stakes are always high at Club Vertica.

Club Vertica

Nar Shaddaa

Outer Rim Territories

The noises of the night reverberated from the entrance of the boisterous establishment as a cloaked figure stood hidden in the shadow of its threshold. Laughter and joy could heard as well as the occasional argument cascading out of the wealthiest gambler’s den. A black R2 droid rolled up next to the cloaked Odanite causing him to rip his gaze from the doorway.

“They do not allow droids into establishments like this Beenine.” Talis pointed to a dark corner next to the door. “You know who our target is, so if you see him try to leave, alert me.”

The Miralukan turned away from the droid and entered the brightly lit doorway before offering a nod to the guard at the door. They gave the cloaked man a quick once-over before waving him past to the security checkpoint inside. Two more armed guards stood watch as a third stepped forward to begin sweeping him with a metal detection wand. Talis stopped him with an upraised hand before waving three credit chips at them.

“100 credits each as always.” The three nodded and let the Jedi pass unharassed. It was common knowledge that bribery went farther on Nar Shaddaa.

Talis came into the brightly lit atrium, with its vaulted ceiling and high-end furniture. Two men stepped forward to take young Jedi’s cloak but he denied them with a raise of his hand. Both men bowed before retreating back to their station next to a large closet which seemed to hold the richer patrons’ belongings. The Miraluka delved within himself and reached out as he waited to get through the door behind a particularly sweet smelling entourage of Twi'lek women. He began searching for his informant, Tazot. A particularly seedy Nikto information broker that had once sold the irritated Sentinel false information about a bounty that turned south for himself and his squad.

Talis smiled and nodded at the party of Twi’leks as they continued past him. He fell into line as if with the group and entered the main gambling hall as unnoticed as possible before slipping away into the crowd.

After several moments, the Odanite found his quarry sitting at a side table playing a hand of Pazaak with four unscrupulous characters. One looked to be a Mandalorian by his armor. His lack of armament led Talis to believe that he was young. Most Mandalorians turn to bounty hunting and learn the trade pretty quick. Not knowing that he could bribe his way into a place armed meant he was probably on his first hunt. Sitting directly to his right was Tazot. A wiry Nikto, draped in the finest garments in the system. His wry smile was only betrayed by the bead of sweat dripping down his left temple. To his right was an obnoxiously drunk human. His laughter was booming for such a slight frame. He was clearly agitating the other guests and players as he bragged about his amazing luck. Piled before him was a mound of chips that any thief would make a move on in broad daylight. The biggest deterrent to that unfortunate act was the man’s security detail. They were keeping close tabs on everyone who approached and their hands firmly on tucked away blasters. Their hawkish eyes lanced through skin and bone as their tension was visible on their faces.

The fourth seat was open right next to the lucky human. Then there were two people in similar armor to his own. Both looked to be pilots but for who, Talis had no idea. He did not care that much as he casually made his way from table to table inspecting a game here and there.

He finally approached Tozat’s table and sat down next to the drunken man who greeted him heartily. Talis nodded to the dealer and bought in. He removed his cloak and draped it across the back of his chair with a smile before running his fingers over the indented visual of his cards.

A hush had come over the entire establishment at the sight of the Miralukan. Emblazoned on the chest of his armor was the unmistakable emblem of Clan Odan Urr. Both pilots to Talis’ right shifted in their chairs as they glared at the Jedi. The drunken patron to his left was staring around in amazement. Tozat was visibly shaking in fear at the sight of him.

“Y'all afraid of little ole’ me?” Talis gleefully cheered, not looking away from his cards, “I'm just here to do some gambling like the rest of you!” Slowly murmurs rose up and the patrons went back to what they were doing. The small crowd gathered around the table diminished to a few brave souls, to the liking of the security retinue of the intoxicated gambler.

Another lost hand had Sabe Baize glaring at the young human and the Nikto next to him. She could not believe the luck they were having. All she could do was watch carefully. The newcomer’s robes threw the Captain off as she warily eyed the Jedi. She knew what her orders were if this should happen and she was sure the man to her left was well aware of this as well. She would have to find some discrete moment that afforded her some privacy. She would beam out a message to the inquisitors then. Until that time came all she could do was watch the man and wait for her chance.

“So, Tozat.” Talis’ statement caused the Nikto to flinch in his seat and dragged Sabe out of her train of thought. “You didn’t expect to see me again did you?” “I don’t know what you are talking about,” Nikto stammered out. The finely dressed aliens visage of finery and reputation was stripped bare before them. “Oh! You don’t remember swindling me on some garbage intel about one of higher up’s movements within Clan Plagueis?” Talis turned and gave the side of the Nikto’s head the most searing glare in the Outer Rim territories. “You know, so we could collect on her considerably high bounty.”

“Mister,” the drunk youth chimed in drawing a slight grimace from Sabe, “why are your eyes covered?” “I am a Miraluka,” Talis replied caringly as if he were speaking to a young child, “I was not born with eyes, I see in a different light spectrum afforded to me by the Force.” “Oh,” The surprisingly young man's face lit up, “that’s awesome.” Sabe felt embarrassed for the drunken boy as he compounded his unknown stupidity. “Hey, could I possibly talk you into switching seats, I need to have a conversation with my friend here.” After a few moments, the young drunk noble replied.

“You two aren’t friends,” The drunken human replied playfully. Sabe almost couldn't take it as she stared on in irritation and amazement. A heavy hand gently came to rest on his shoulder as the owner of the hand leaned in and whispered something to the youth. The conversation seemed to sober him up and he looked up at the dealer. “I would like to cash out for the night.”

“Yes Master, your credits have been deposited into your account good sir, have a wonderful evening.” The Droid seemed to bow to the teenager. “You as well.” With that, the security team closed in around the young man and they made their way to the exit. A few of the dumber lowlifes of the place slinked out a few moments after them. The bigger, wiser players seemed to stay put and had their gazes transfixed on the Jedi as he moved over seats and bumped his shoulder into the Nikto. Sabe’s gaze was transfixed on the pair as well.

“So do you want to come clean or do I need to drag you outside and make you?” “I am not liable for faulty intel Master Jedi.” Tozat’s rebuilt air of superiority was veiled thinly over his fear of the man now sitting to his right. “You are when we interrogate your men, who by their own account, were sent there to kill us on bogus intel.” Talis’ tone was dark and his anger was almost palpable. “Your intel by the way.” “You have no proof of that.” Tozat adjusted in his chair again, clearly flustered. This was almost as entertaining as one of those holovid spy dramas people always talked about and Sabe was hooked into this conversation like Nexu on its next meal. “So we are gonna step outside and have a conversation and renegotiate our further dealings or you can pick a fight with me?” Talis put his hand on the Nikto’s left forearm and grasped it tightly. “I really hope you chose option two.” “I do not have to stand for this kind of intimidation from the likes of you!” Tozat bellowed. “Really,” Talis paused, “then what if these kind people saw this.”

Talis pulled a skiffer from inside Tozat’s robes and placed it on the table violently. The place went as quiet as space as all eyes turned to the skiffer laying before the Nikto who tried to jump to his feet. Talis stopped him abruptly and violently by slamming his face into the table. Sabe didn’t even register the Jedi’s hand as the Nikto’s blood gushed forth, out of his nose and mouth.

“HEY SLEEMO!,” a bartender yelled to get Talis’ attention, “careful with the furniture!” “My apologies good sir, here is a tip for the troubles.” Talis placed a large bid on the next hand and then threw the hand. The Man next to Sabe exclaimed at his fortune and elbowed her playfully before quieting down from the serious glare exuding from the woman's face. The older blond woman, her hair cropped at the neck, sat with her seething glare transfixed on the Odanite filth. Talis’ had noticed a fair amount of anger resonating off of her since the skiffer was revealed but her gaze had not changed so far. ‘She doesn’t look enthused about life.’ Talis thought to himself as he collected Tozat and stepped towards a side door.

Sabe bound to her feet and rose up to fill all of her five foot eight, one hundred twenty-five pound frame in front of him. “Miss,” Talis paused, “move yourself.” “No, he has been cheating me all night so he is mine,” Sabe demanded. “Um, no he isn't because I clearly have him in my hands.” The irritated Sentinel quibbled back. “Give him to me, it’s the right thing to do!” The woman spat back as if she had gained some sort of advantage in this conversation. “Little lady, you are barking up the wrong tree with that argument,” the taller man replied matter-of-factly. “Did you just call me?” her response stammered out, confused and insulted. “Yes,” the Jedi interjected, “I called you little lady, now move or fight me for him, I don’t have all night.”

The look of confusion quickly turned to a look of determined focus. “Fine.” With a quick flick of her hand, Sabe snatched her blaster from its sheath on her hip and fired. She only hit air as her eyes followed the surprisingly nimble armored bulk upwards.

The now irritated Miralukan came to a landing behind the woman who bounded over a table and fired her blaster as she went. The signature sizzle of a lightsaber accosted the ears of the gambling hall visitors as the screeching blasts of repeated shots clashed, popped and buzzed off the whirling amethyst blade. Sabe came to a sudden halt on the floor after a short slide across a particularly small table. The visitors scattered to the walls and the droids vanished into their tables as the two combatants stood off.

“You try running Tozat and I am gonna feed you to your family one bite at a time!” Talis’ voice resonated with something within Tozat and caused him to plop onto his derriere hard, where he remained unmoving out of fear.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 25 February, 2017 7:30 PM UTC

Syntax

Club Vertica

The venue post technically sets the scene for you. You do not need to do the run-on style framing of place and time.

Laughter and joy could heard as well as the occasional argument cascading

This should read "could be heard"

“Give him to me, it’s the right thing to do!”

The comma after me should either be a semicolon or a period.

Story

So, your post would have made a good introductory post for a run-on. You use the environment and npcs very well and your use of descriptive language was solid. However, you took a full 1686 words to introduce the conflict between the characters and then had a perfunctory few lines of setting up combat before stopping. Don't get me wrong, often I cite people for a lack of context in opening posts. Your post just lacked focus and didn't really suck me in as a reader. In future matches I would suggest you try to tighten your focus a little and direct the reader's attention to the two characters and introduce their conflict earlier in the post.

Sabe kept her grip on her WESTAR-35, using her left shoulder to upend the table she had just bounded over. Chits and cards all fell to the floor in a clatter, and the top of the table was now facing her opponent as she took up a firing position behind it. Her grip on her weapon showed she was not inexperienced, with her thumbs pointed forward and a tight grip. Her finger was just on the trigger, and both eyes were open. And her gaze and the barrel of her pistol were both leveled on the Miralukan Jedi.

“You know, I actually was kidding when I presented fighting as an option. So, why don’t you go ahead and stand down, I’ve no quarrel with you,” Talis said, but still held his lightsaber at the ready.

“We are well past that, you arrogant kriffer,” Sabe punctuated her statement by firing a pair of blaster bolts at him. Only by the grace of the Force warning him was Talis able to avoid the pair of crimson bolts screaming towards him. Talis shook his head and launched forward, leaping up onto one of the gaming tables and used the end to springboard off of it to get a flying leap at Sabe’s position.

Sabe’s response was to kick off and push back from her cover, but she did so by kicking off of the upended table she had been using for cover. Sabe got to her feet and started backpedaling, while Talis landed onto the side of the table, forcing him to hop backwards to avoid losing his balance as the table ended up completely turned over.

“You’re starting to try my patience, little lady. Drop the blaster and walk away,” Talis said, pointing his purple bladed lightsaber at Sabe. His opponent merely scoffed at him.

“You idiot. You come in here, flaunting who you are, what you are, and where you’re from like some child. I know where you’re from and what you are. And I am not impressed,” Sabe replied, and then shifted her left shoulder to him. The unit patch on that shoulder was meaningless to the patrons, but it said everything to her opponent; Clan Naga Sadow Warhost Special Forces.

“You’re still in my way,” Talis tried to smirk but had he been with eyes, they would have been wide open. He hadn’t come here to pick a fight with another Clan, much less one of their commandos.

“Then come move me.”

Talis looked around and lowered his lightsaber before snapping up his offhand and Sabe’s world was a blinding white light. She staggered backwards, covering up her face with her right hand and started firing wildly.

“Come on, Tozat! We’re leaving, this lady here is out of her mind! Beenine! Change of plans, bring the ship up to the roof!”

Sabe could hear her opponent shouting and as her vision returned to her, she could see the Nikto being drug by his arm through one of the fire escape doors. Gritting her teeth, Sabe headed over the bar, leaning over and grabbing the simple black pack that had been there since she had arrived, held there by the bartender droid. Reaching inside, she pulled her E-11D free.

Setting the stock to the first position, she charged for the door. Ahead, she could hear the thuds of footsteps, and she set off after them, her carbine’s barrel following upwards just in case one of them did decide to open fire on her from above. She reached the roof just behind them, the buzz of the traffic all around them in the skies above and beside them.

“All of this because you think he cheated?” Talis demanded, putting himself between Sabe and Tozat.

“No,” Sabe shook her head slightly, keeping the sights leveled on Talis but did not advance any further.

“You’re an Inquisitor, aren’t you?” Talis asked, readying his lightsaber.

“Again, no. I toyed with calling them just to knock you down a peg, but no. Your arrogance and your mouth brought us here. Not to mention whatever woes are going to fall on your Clan when the people in there talk. But more or less, you pulled on the gundark’s ears, now you get the claws. Now stop running your food chute and act,” Sabe said with a smirk.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 26 February, 2017 7:08 PM UTC

Syntax

But more or less, you pulled on the gundark’s ears, now you get the claws.

The comma after ears should be a semicolon.

Story

“You idiot. You come in here, flaunting who you are, what you are, and where you’re from like some child.

I loved this line! People often do not factor in how unusual their characters will look in a given situation, especially in a public place like this venue.

I absolutely loved your dialogue in this post. You got some in-character digs in on your opponent's character and the overall arrogance of Force users. You deepened the in-character conflict in the first post but I felt like this post could have used just a little more action.

Talis began pooling the Force into his legs as he batted another blaster bolt away. He did not feel rage towards the particularly obstinate woman, but he also didn't have time for this. As the women's volley finished and Sabe moved to a better vantage point, and the Jedi took his opportunity.

As the Sentinel's feet left the roof's surface, he left in his wake a small crater-like indentation. The Miralukan landed a few feet from the surprised commando. With a flick of the Odanite’s lightsaber, Sabe’s E-11D blaster rifle fell to the floor in two pieces. With another big step the Jedi closed on the Sadowan. Sabe drew her vibrodagger from its sheath and stepped into the bigger combatants range. A wry smile spread across the man's face as he shifted his weight and rolled past the woman before coming back up to his feet.

“Little lady, I will give you one last chance to surrender.” The Sentinel deactivated his lightsaber and began to pool the Force into his hands.

“You keep.” The woman was cut short and her voiced turned into a shriek of pain as tendrils of blue lightning danced across her body. With a dull thud, Sabe collapsed, dropping her vibrodagger on the ground. The Pathfinder adjusted his stance as he tried to calm his now ragged breathing.

“I feel like you underestimate me, little lady.” Talis returned his lightsaber to his hip. “You see, not all jedi are peace loving primarily non combatants. In this day and age we can not afford to be that.”

“I, wi-will ki-ki-kill you,” Sabe managed to sputter out.

“I do not think you understand the circumstances, little lady,” the Odanite replied with a deep grin to veil his own exhaustion, “you see, I am not one of those weakling little healers from the disciples of Baas and I am not one of those general infantry style jedi with no specific skills. I am in fact a member of Garza’s Pathfinders. We do not follow the same moral compass as the rest of our brothers and sisters of the Clan.”

Talis remained just out of arm's reach of the injured woman as he continued his conversation with her.

“You see, as a Pathfinder I am afforded the liberty and freedom to basically handle my own operations as I see fit,” the Miralukan sighed, “which brings me to the point of what to do with you.”

The blonde haired assailant layed there, glaring at the crouched Jedi for a few moments before being able to speak.

“Well if you are such a super soldier,” gasped loudly as she attempted to regain her composure, “ why don't you get it over with?”

“I don't know.” Talis could sense her confidence growing. He kept the force pooled into his left hand, the Miralukan turned away from her and sat, with Sabe’s prone body to his right. “Maybe I am just being nice, Jedi do that kind of thing, right.” The Odanite let fly another burst of electricity as the woman rolled up to her feet and turned to attack him. The Sadowan came to a sliding halt before the Jedi wheezing for air and glaring up at him.

“Guess I am not as nice as you would think,” the Sentinel smiled and nodded at the infuriated Captain. A wave of exhaustion cascaded over the Miralukan as he smiled at his wounded foe. With a little trouble Talis rolled to his left and stood up from all fours. A wave of lightheadedness cascaded over his senses. He took a deep breath and gathered himself before leaving the side of the prone opponent.

“Get up,” Sabe mumbled to her numb limbs, “get up, get up, get up!”

Slowly the captain rose to her feet. Her anger carrying her forward as she just registered the landing of a shuttle. Her opponent shoved Tozat on board before turning to wave at her.

“Until next time, little lady!” Talis bellowed back with laughter. The shuttle lifted off the ground and entered one of the nearby shipping lanes.

The weapons specialist crumbled to her knees as she glared up at the quickly disappearing shuttle.

“I was played the fool,” The thought screamed across her mind as she struggled to raise up to her feet. Her body was slowly recovering but the taste of metal was not dissipating from her pallet. “Might as well go drown that taste away.”


“Take us to the safe house Beenine.” Talis sat down across from Tozat with a deep sigh.

“I was going to actually give you to her, but her arrogant air of being some super amazing fighter irritated me out of that decision,” Talis explained after a moment of silence.

“Then why didn’t you kill her?” the Nikto asked.

“I didn’t really see the point in it,” the Pathfinder paused as he leaned back against the wall looking up at the innards of the shuttle. He wouldn’t tell the Nikto he was too tired to finish her. “I already had you and towards the end of the fight she had no chance of beating me.”

“So the big bad Special Forces guy has a heart?” Tozat replied.

“Not when it has to come to you.” The Miraluka’s eyebrows furrowed into what Tozat could only image was a glare. “Now time to renegotiate our terms sleemo.”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 26 February, 2017 7:10 PM UTC

Syntax

“You see, not all jedi are peace loving primarily non combatants.

Jedi should always be capitalized.

The blonde haired assailant layed there

Layed should be laid

Story

Overall you did a good job of resolving the conflict and I enjoyed the little epilogue you added at the end.

The actual physical combat felt a little one-sided. Even in a NFU vs FU scenario there are still ways you can create dramatic tension and even have the NFU get some good blows in. For a middle post like this, the action should really dominate as it reaches a crescendo prior to the final posts.

It is also worth noting is that you could have used/described the venue more than you did. This fight is taking place in a crowded casino floor. What is happening with the crowd? What are the sights/sounds? Have security responded? You allude to some of this but you missed an opportunity to describe it and really paint the picture for the reader.

“Tozat, go sit in the corner,” Talis said, and the Nikto quickly scurried over to get behind one of the building’s air conditioning units. He then drew back with his left hand, and a blast of blue lightning arced from his hand. Kicking off with her left foot into a sideways combat roll, the blast narrowly missed Sabe, and she rolled up behind another set of air conditioning units for cover.

Sabe stood up and let off a pair of bolts from her E-11D, and just like her WESTAR, the rifle made very little noise as crimson bolts streaked from the muzzle. Talis bounded over one vent to avoid the blasts, and used that as a springboard to leap over the unit Sabe was hiding behind. His purple lightsaber came crashing down, threatening to take Sabe’s head off, but the commando stepped inward, and slammed the muzzle of her rifle into her opponent’s stomach.

Talis lunged backwards, and then executed another swing, this time catching Sabe across her torso. She reeled to the ground, crying out in pain. When she rolled onto her back, Talis was gone. Shakily, Sabe pulled herself to her feet, slamming her back against the air con unit for support, her breathing ragged and painful.

“I don’t want to kill you, but I will. Walk away,” Talis called out from another part of the roof. But as he said that, Sabe could hear the chirping of a grenade sailing her way. Landing next to her was a spherical object, a thermal detonator.

Forcing herself to push through the pain as much as possible, she started running away from the explosive as the chirping got faster and faster. When the thermal detonator did go off, Sabe was launched from her feet and sent flying across the roof, landing near the edge. Talis casually walked over to her, putting his boot on her chest and rolled her closer to the edge.

“Last chance. Either give up or you take the express to the ground floor,” Talis said. Sabe grabbed onto Talis’ boot and rolled, sending him falling over the edge instead of her. Slowly, she stood back up, grabbing her E-11D and walked towards the roof exit. She stopped though when she heard the sound of an active jet pack getting louder and louder behind her, as well as the sound of a ship hovering overhead. She turned and saw a GX-1 transport hovering overhead and Talis rocketing onto the now unfolded ramp.

“Tozat! Let’s go!” Talis shouted. The Nikto started to get up and run for the loading ramp, but Sabe leveled her rifle on him and shot him twice, sending him skidding across the roof in a crumpled mass. She then continued towards the door, tossing up an obscene hand gesture with her off-hand.

“You’ll pay for that! You just cost a lot of good people their lives and made a lot of enemies!” Talis called out. He watched her stagger to the door and disappear into the building before punching the bulkhead once in anger. Taking a breath, he hit the button to fold up the ramp and headed for the cockpit.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 26 February, 2017 8:29 PM UTC

Story

Your combat descriptions in this post were excellent! Keep it up! From a broader story standpoint, you resolved the in-character conflict in a clear way but missed some opportunity to give some more context to the fight.

Realism

When the thermal detonator did go off, Sabe was launched from her feet and sent flying across the roof, landing near the edge.

Thermal detonators can atomize any material within its fixed blast. If Sabe was close enough to blast to be knocked off her feet she'd likely be dead, atomized or at least severely injured. You had her walk out of the casino relatively unscathed. Which isn't to say that any use of a thermal detonator is instant-kill, but you need to carefully explain how the person survived. Perhaps they were outside the blast and got knocked over by flying debris.