Battlelord Rasilvenaira Kaishera Nal'Kethar vs. Battlemaster Shadow Nighthunter

Battlelord Rasilvenaira Kaishera Nal'Kethar

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Human, Sith, Shadow
vs.

Battlemaster Shadow Nighthunter

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Human, Sith, Shadow
Comment

This was a pretty good fight scene, and it would fit well in a larger work. But the big problem across the board was that there wasn't a story. By the end of the match, whether you're reading Ras' final post or Shadow's, you come away without any idea of what they were fighting over, why either of them was on Shili, or really what either of them really wanted out of this. The stakes of the battle aren't established until the very end, and you took very different approaches to what those stakes were. As Atra is fond of saying, "Combat lies at the very heart of the Antei Combat Center," but a good combat scene has narrative significance beyond two people just beating the crap out of each other. Really good Star Wars fight scenes, like Luke vs. Vader in ESB or the Vader vs. Ahsoka fight in Rebels, use the battle to drive the narrative and/or develop the characters. You're both welcome to use the ACC to just beat the hell out of each other, but be aware that you'll end up with mediocre Story scores.

Otherwise, I was actually very impressed with your handle on the nuts and bolts stuff. Both of you were very strong in terms of Syntax, Realism, and Continuity. That's wonderful to see, and I hope you both keep it up.

This was a close match, decided by a tenth of a point, but in the end Rasilvenaira Isatri'Zara StormRaven is the winner. Both of you did good work, however, and I look forward to seeing more of it.

Alethia Archenksova,
ACC Judge

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Battlelord Rasilvenaira Kaishera Nal'Kethar , Battlemaster Shadow Nighthunter
Winner Battlelord Rasilvenaira Kaishera Nal'Kethar
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Battlelord Rasilvenaira Kaishera Nal'Kethar 's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Shadow Nighthunter's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shili: Savannah
Last Post 21 March, 2017 4:18 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Headmistress Alethia Archenksova
Syntax - 15%
Rasilvenaira StormRaven Blade Mistress Shadow Nighthunter
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Several minor errors in the first post, but your second was very tight. Rationale: Very solid. 'Pre-lunge postion' irked me, particularly since it appeared in both posts, but it's not *wrong.* I would just like to see a little more description of e.g. how Shadow is shifting her weight, where her feet are, etc. I know what a lunge looks like, but a pre-lunge position seems like a very awkward position to stand in. Convince me otherwise.
Story - 40%
Rasilvenaira StormRaven Blade Mistress Shadow Nighthunter
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: As a fight scene, it worked well. As a short story building off of your opponent's posts, there weren't really a plot. Rationale: As a fight scene, it worked well. As a short story building off of your opponent's posts, there weren't really a plot.
Realism - 25%
Rasilvenaira StormRaven Blade Mistress Shadow Nighthunter
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No outright errors, though you did push the bounds of credibility in a few places. Rationale: Good work in the first post. See comments on your final.
Continuity - 20%
Rasilvenaira StormRaven Blade Mistress Shadow Nighthunter
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors. Rationale: No errors.
Rasilvenaira StormRaven's Score: 4.05 Blade Mistress Shadow Nighthunter's Score: 3.95
Posts

Savannah

When you are traversing the wild and untouched landscapes of the savannah, just remind yourself that you are never the apex predator. The vast and desolate area of sand, rocks, dead and ancient trees are all the same blood-orange color for a simple reason: to hide your worst nightmare from your sight, the Akul. A large, quadrupedal and orange furred mammal, the Akul are the top predators that hunt all sorts of bovine, dog, hooved and giant mammals. Using their extraordinary sense of smell, they can trace your scent from days long past and track you down without mercy.

Savannah

Throughout the Savannah, tall and wispy Turu-grass stretches out into long ranging fields. Watering holes are sparse and spread thin, and the terrain offers little safety from the blazing sun that hangs overhead. When the sun retreats and gives way to moonlight, the Savannah becomes almost chill, but the night is dark and full of wild creatures. In the Savannah, it’s hunt or be hunted.

The mid-day sun cast it's relentless gaze upon the desolate landscape. The Savannah spread out in waves of brown, orange, and vermilion with mostly just grass as far as the eye could see. There were a few pockets of rock outcroppings or thin copses of trees, but little else. Overhead a few thin clouds drifted through the azure sky. The Battlelord didn't mind the heat, reaching down to lightly brush her fingertips along the thick clumps of turu-grass. Straightening back up, the Sith strode forward to an area where the turu-grass thinned out, leaving patches of bare sandy ground exposed to the baking sun. The wildness of this place seemed to call to Rasilvenaira, and was a welcome break from the permacrete and durasteel she'd been surrounded by recently.

Dry sand crunched lightly beneath her boots as the Battlelord chose her position in the clearing. She angled herself to have the sun as much at her back as possible, though it was nearly straight over head already. Rasilvenaira was glad she'd worn her usual attire, the thin loose fitting gray shirt and black pants would at least be more comfortable in the grueling heat than heavier robes or armor. They offered less protection against weapons, but this was a risk the Sith was willing to take. Her own weapons hung at her hips, ready and waiting. The Arashi-Kumori, the double-bladed dagger, was on her left hip. Its dark metal blades always thirsty for blood. On her right hip, the finely crafted hilt of her lightsaber rested, like a sleeping serpent waiting to strike.

Taking several slow, steady breaths Rasilvenaira stretched her attention outward beyond herself. As details flickered past her perception each was simply noted and set aside as unimportant. There was the pungent scent of the turu-grass where blades had been bruised or broken by her passing despite her care in doing so, the faint earthy scent of the dry sandy ground beneath her feet, the sound of a light breeze stirring the tips of the grasses, distant calls and cries of various birds or animals. Finally the Sith found what she'd been watching for and her senses focused on the half-Sephi as Shadow approached from behind and slightly to her left.

Clever girl, the Battlelord thought silently as she slowly turned to face the young woman.

Shadow stopped when Rasilvenaira turned to face her. The half-Sephi's golden eyes swept over the other woman, studying her. The Battlemaster gave a curt nod of acknowledgment and rested her right hand on the hilt of the lightsaber hanging at her right hip. The leader of Tacitus Athanasius stood with a certain confidence in her stance that hinted strongly at her abilities and skill, from the slight lift of the chin to the relaxed but ready way she carried herself.

Rasilvenaira offered a small smile. The Sith recognized that fire and confidence, having seen it in herself many times over the years, and she respected it. However, that measure of respect did not mean she'd take it easy on the girl. The Battlelord returned the nod briefly as she unclipped the lightsaber from her belt. The molten silver blade sprang to life with a hiss and a menacing hum. Rasilvenaira spun the saber in a small flourish before lifting the blade in a salute, using her free hand to beckon the younger woman on.

Shadow shifted into a ready stance as she drew and ignited her lightsabers. The blades hummed and whirred as she moved, one crimson and the other white. Staying light on her feet, the half-Sephi closed in on Rasilvenaira, testing the older Sith's defenses.

The Battlelord's dark eyes held a hint of amusement as she noticed the colors of her opponent's blades. Red and white, just like the turu-grass. The idle thought was considered and then brushed aside as she circled to her right, the hilt of her saber held in a loose, ready grip. Like the flexible turu-grass surrounding the clearing, once in motion, the Battlelord would likely stay in motion. Rasilvenaira sprang forward, twisting the silver blade around in a tight upward diagonal arc aimed at Shadow's midsection.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 March, 2017 11:33 AM UTC

Syntax:

No hyphen in 'midday'. I'm not sure if it was a typo, but it's = it is (much like what's = what is) while its = belonging to it (much like his = belonging to him).

The [midday] sun cast [its] relentless gaze upon the desolate landscape.

No need to capitalize 'savannah' here. I'll let it pass without a ding because it's capitalized in the venue name, but really it's just a generic savannah on Shili.

The [s]avannah spread out in waves of brown,

Hyphenate 'loose-fitting'

the thin loose[-]fitting gray shirt and black pants would at least be more comfortable in the grueling heat

First half is fine. The second sentence, though, is a fragment, since it doesn't have a main verb. There are two easy fixes. You can just merge the two into one sentence by changing the punctuation, or you can add 'was' before 'always hungry'.

The Arashi-Kumori, the double-bladed dagger, was on her left hip. Its dark metal blades always thirsty for blood.

Story:

Too many ACC writers barely acknowledge the venue. You, on the other hand, made excellent use of it. Shili isn't a venue with a lot of combat-ready accoutrements, but you worked it into your character's thoughts as well as the description of the area.

However, there are a few things I look for in every opening post in every battle I read. First: why are you there? Second: why is your opponent there? Third: why are you fighting? I got none of that here, so I've got no emotional investment in the story you're telling me. This gets more egregious in the final posts, where Shadow treats the fight as a friendly test of strength but you leave her to be eaten by wildlife.

Realism:
It seems odd to me that a Shadow wouldn't be trying to use Force Cloak while sneaking up on someone. Shadow's not particularly good at it, so I can see how Ras would either be able to hear her via Perception or Sense her, but the way you've written it makes it seem like Shadow is completely visible when Ras turns around.

Continuity:
No errors for obvious reasons.

Shadow quickly twisted and spun clockwise as her red-bladed saber came crashing down upon Rasilvenaira’s magnificent blade before her own trailing, white-bladed weapon thrusted forth towards the Raven’s chest. The Battlelord quickly freed her lightsaber from the Battlemaster’s and leaped to the left as the half-Sephi completed the thrust. The more experienced Equite sought to take advantage of Shadow’s exposed side, and sliced her lightsaber horizontally only to have Shadow twist backwards and block with her strong-hand weapon. The leader of Tacitus Athanasius brought her off-hand up with an upward-slash, but the Raven twisted around with her blade following suit to strike downward against the younger woman’s attack.

Shadow was no fool. She had known of Rasilvenaira ever since she had been accepted into the fold of Scholae Palatinae. She knew better than to get comfortable with the Battlelord and clan veteran. The Raven was full of tricks. The Shadow Wolf would not allow the veteran to lead her astray.

Shadow’s golden eyes flashed in determination as she saw her opponent leap to the side and slashed her blade downwards to her left side. The Battlemaster quickly pivoted on her left foot towards Rasilvenaira and caught her challenger’s saber with her own crossed ones before locking it in place; and pushing against the Raven to force her back. Not wanting to give the Battlelord enough time to strike again, Shadow unleashed a chain of attacks; twisting and spinning the Sith did as she unloaded against her opponent in a cyclonic fury of white and red slashes and slices which Rasilvenaira parried and dodged.

Suddenly, Shadow halted the storm and leapt back. She spun her sabers in her hands twice until both were in reverse grip while in a pre-lunge position. She knew she had to conserve her energy despite the temptation to launch herself against the Battlelord. She needed to play smart and stay observant for Rasilvenaira’s mistake while avoiding from making her own. Her eyes narrowed into a predatory gaze as the veteran quickly came at her.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 March, 2017 11:39 AM UTC

Syntax:
The phrase 'pre-lunge position' is a bit awkward, and not particularly descriptive.

She spun her sabers in her hands twice until both were in reverse grip while in a pre-lunge position.

Story:
Setting up the context for the fight is really something that belongs in the first post, but since Shadow's motives for attacking Ras weren't established earlier, it falls to you to enlighten us.

Realism:
No errors that I noticed

Continuity:
No errors that I noticed.

Rasilvenaira grinned coldly as she studied the half-Sephi. She almost admired Shadow's spirit, but not enough to go easy on the girl. The respite gave the Battlelord the time she needed to catch her breath. Her calculating mind was constantly in motion even when she wasn't. Rasilvenaira slowly circled clockwise as her keen eyes took every detail of the landscape around them as well as her opponent.

“Not getting tired already, are you?” The younger Equite taunted, her golden eyes locked on Rasilvenaira.

The Battlelord simply gave a slight shrug in reply, far too experienced to be baited by taunts and jibs anymore. Instead, the Sith let her mind dive deep into the current of the Force flowing around them. Rasilvenaira directed her efforts into clouding and muting the Battlemaster's connection to the Force to leave her momentarily more vulnerable. The older Sith slipped three thin, extremely sharp throwing knives from the forearm sheathe on her right arm, quickly aimed and hurled them at the half-Sephi.

Shadow was briefly disoriented by the realization that the Force had, for a moment, failed her. Two of the three throwing knives found their marks, lodging themselves in the Battlemaster's left shoulder and upper arm. She yelped in pain and staggered sideways a step. The grip on her left hand lightsaber loosened. Shadow shook her head, still appearing distracted and unfocused. The sound of a low chuckle caused her pointed ears to twitch just before the Battlelord's left fist slammed into her jaw. Her off-hand saber was wrenched from her grasp as the older Sith planted a hard kick to her midsection. The saber flew free only to be snatched up by the older Equite. Rasilvenaira spun the captured saber in her hand before igniting it along with her own. Twin silver-white beams burst forth as Rasilvenaira lunged forward, unwilling to let her opponent recover.

The younger woman growled in frustration as she quickly shifted her stance, raising her remaining lightsaber to fend off the Battlelord's brutal assault. Sparks flew as the blades clashed. Angry hisses and hums broke the silence that had fallen over the Savannah during their brief pause. Rasilvenaira pressed the attack harder, raining a steady flurry of strikes against Shadow's single blade. She kicked out, aiming to force the half-Sephi off her feet.

The kick landed solidly against Shadow's knee and she hit the ground hard with a grunt of pain. She looked up to meet the obsidian hued gaze of the Battlelord. Rasilvenaira spun the Battlemaster's own blade in a small flourish before making a quick, but deep cut across her thigh. Then the older Sith extinguished the lightsabers, tossing half-Sephi's saber into the Turu-grass.

Shadow growled, voice tight with pain, “What are you waiting for?”

Rasilvenaira laughed as she turned her back on the girl. “I decided letting you try to survive an Akul would be more amusing than simply killing you with your own lightsaber.”

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 March, 2017 11:44 AM UTC

Syntax:
Quite good.

Story:
Good resolution, but we still have no idea why Shadow attacked Ras. Is this ending just what Shadow had coming to her, or is Ras being vicious?

Realism:
This was a nice nod to Ras' lower Endurance.

The respite gave the Battlelord the time she needed to catch her breath.

There was kind of a lot of unarmed combat for someone without any martial arts skills, but you get spared a ding because you didn't have Ras do anything fancy.

Continuity:
No errors that I spotted.

Rasilvenaira quickly leaped and flipped in mid-air before bringing her lightsaber down relentlessly on Shadow’s already crossed sabers. With enough potential energy stored, the half-Sephi launched from her pre-lunge position and forced the Battlelord away from her before sending a stream of lightning at the Raven. The elder Palatinaean managed to block the Force attack as the dancing energy connected with her white blade. She scowled at such a feeble attack, and quickly struck at Shadow the second the younger Sith ended the electric barrage. The Battlemaster’s reflexes proved true as she parried her opponent’s weapon with one blade before countering with the other.

“I have to say, Rayne taught you well,” Rasilvenaira remarked as she leapt back and managed a smile.

Shadow nodded while spinning her blades in anticipation. “I couldn’t have asked for a better master,” she said in return, not showing a hint of emotion. “Though your reputation precedes you, StormRaven. What say we bring this to an end, shall we?”

“Agreed.”

Rasilvenaira wasted no time, and charged Nighthunter before twisting in a cyclonic fashion. Her white blade lit up the swirling vortex before she sliced it towards Shadow’s mid-section. The Battlemaster was ready, and just one quick gaze into StormRaven’s eyes was enough to cause the Battlelord to hesitate. Seeing her chance, the half-Sephi’s already moving lightsabers trapped her opponent’s weapon. She pushed the elder woman’s blade to the side before pulling the blade out of her hands.

To the Raven’s surprise, the Shadow Wolf extinguished her own blades and threw them to the side. Taking a quick breath as she focused, Shadow spun and struck with her hands fluidly as her opponent struggled to block the nimble Sith’s swift strikes. Rasilvenaira dodged more than defended herself, using the Force to keep track of Shadow’s movements. The Battlelord reached into her pocket, and without warning threw a handful of blinding dust at the attacking Sith. However, the younger Equite had seen it coming. Nighthunter managed to twist away and slide across the Battlelord’s back before sending her hand right into the StormRaven’s neck as she spun away. The blow was enough to stagger Ras for but a second. Before she knew it, the Battlemaster struck again for her throat. She struck true, and the Raven was forced to her knees as she felt the impact on her windpipe.

“I think it’s safe to say that this fight has lasted long enough,” Nighthunter said as she looked down at StormRaven and offered her hand with caution.

Rasilvenaira smiled and took her hand in hers before pulling herself up, grimacing slightly from the blow to her throat. She summoned her lightsaber back to her hand as Shadow did the same. Both had a mutual respect for the outcome of the fight. For Shadow, it was a fight that had put her skills to the test. Never had she taken on another Sith with such skill and ferocity as the Raven’s. The Shadow Wolf could only appreciate the chance she had been given.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 March, 2017 11:55 AM UTC

Syntax:
Good.

Story:
Again, we don't have any motivation for either character. See the second comment on Realism.

Realism:
How? Your Perception is low and you made no mention of the Force. I guess there's your Duelist aspect, but you didn't make any reference to how dirty tricks is a standard technique for Ras or anything like that.

However, the younger Equite had seen it coming.

This seems to contradict both Play For Blood, which tells us that Ras won't back down from a challenge, and Dirty Fighter, which tells us that she would pull you down on your face.

Of course, if this is a friendly training bout or something, you can justify it. The problem is neither you nor your opponent established any context for the fight. Ras' post ends with Shadow badly injured and in mortal danger; your post ends with a friendly handshake.

Rasilvenaira smiled and took her hand in hers before pulling herself up, grimacing slightly from the blow to her throat.

Continuity:
No errors that I spotted.