Privateer Keiji Suoh vs. Battlemaster Jurdan Krennel

Privateer Keiji Suoh

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Togruta, Mercenary, Hunter
vs.

Battlemaster Jurdan Krennel

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Sith, Marauder
Comment

This match was a bit rough. Keiji demonstrated some real creativity and ardor in his energy and what he brought to trying to tell a story of the conflict. Jurdan set the stage for the fight, but did little else to make it engaging or worthwhile to read. Jurdan made a Realism error early on, and then messed up a point with continuity. These would have worked against him and probably tilted the match towards Keiji, if Keiji had not run into two big issues with his Realism score.

The big thing to note here is that even though Keiji is a "Tank" (Aspect) and has +4 Endurance, Endurance doesn't allow you to simply shrug off lightsaber injuries. Also, even the most powerful of Force Users can't really push past being riddled with bullets. From the Reynolds DE-21 description: "Each shot carries the power to pierce light armor...". So, a few shots here or there, a graze, or something could be covered by Rage or Control Self, but it's a stretch because. Jurdan has 0 points in Control Self. Beyond that, his +4 Rage actually means that when he does use Rage, he can still think without being a mindless "rar imma cut you" machine, which is how he's portrayed towards the end.

Jurdan wins this one based on realism alone. Thank you, gentleman, for the match. I wish you luck in your future battles.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Privateer Keiji Suoh, Battlemaster Jurdan Krennel
Winner Battlemaster Jurdan Krennel
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Privateer Keiji Suoh's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Jurdan Krennel's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ilum: Crystal Cave
Last Post 2 July, 2017 9:19 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae
Syntax - 15%
Tribune Kanal O'neill Keiji Suoh
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Few issues her and there. Rationale: Few issues here and there.
Story - 40%
Tribune Kanal O'neill Keiji Suoh
Score: 2 Score: 3
Rationale: You establish why they are at the caves, and do a good job with the set up. But then you barely write anything happening other than an execution in the second post. Rationale: You were actually really creative and inventive with this fight. You did a good job of coming up with clever action sequences and at least tried to work in some kind of motivation for the characters.
Realism - 25%
Tribune Kanal O'neill Keiji Suoh
Score: 4 Score: 1
Rationale: See notes on breaking Keiji's katana right off the bat in the first exchange of sword-swings. Rationale: Two Major Detractors: 1. Somehow pulling off a bunch of action stunts after being injured by a lightsaber. Using a grappling hook and hanging without a finger seems like it would be difficult. Keiji's +4 endurance does not really mean he can take a lot of damage from a lightsaber. It means that he can fight at his +2 Athletics and +3 Might for longer period of time without getting tired. He is still subject to the laws of damage inflicted by a lightsaber, though. 2. Jurdan somehow absorbing bullets. Even a Marauder can't just ignore bullet wounds.
Continuity - 20%
Tribune Kanal O'neill Keiji Suoh
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Continuity break at the beginning of your final post. Rationale: No issues I found.
Tribune Kanal O'neill's Score: 3.2 Keiji Suoh's Score: 3.05
Posts

Ilum Crystal Cave

On the planet of dangerous myths, shocking fables and unspoken legends, there is also beauty. Dispersed around the untamed world are flaws; cracks formed through thousands of years. Glacial rivers rushing and destroying cliffs, racing and scooping away the soil and digging crevices untouched by all but a handful of explorers from ages long past. Isolated at the southern tip of Ilum, this particular ravine is close to the planet’s core. No-one ever dared to dive directly down into the darkness of the ravine, instead opting for laser drills that bore a tunnel into the nearby glacier. Uncharted and unexplored, this passageway is a place of nightmares for those who venture to its depths. The half-eaten carcasses of explorers who have met an untimely end litter the ravine’s descent—a warning to those who might choose to venture too far. Whether these men and women fell to their deaths, or had been murdered remains lost to the long-forgotten histories of the ravine.

The antechamber of the Crystal Cave is wide and cavernous with a winding walkway carved out of the stone itself and smoothed over with glacial elegance. The pathway ascending upwards to the top of the cave where a resilient sheet of ancient stone weathers against the raging winds from Ilum’s winter skies. At the base of the walkway is a platform of old stone used for meditation in times past.

Ilum Crystal Cave

Leaving the main antechamber leads to other tunnels carved and abandoned by miners and treasure hunters. Glinting like candlelight against the unforgiving darkness of the deep and untrodden cave, translucent clusters of kyber crystals crystals reflect the light. Untouched for a millennia, the value in this chamber once sparked an entire battle between the Galactic Republic and the Sith Empire. The sides of the cavern stretch vertically, terminating in a vaulted arch that was carved with embellishments some time ago. On each side of the walls, various ports and alcoves distinguish in the light. Some are known to be rivers of purified water, as displayed by the translucent sheets of ice glistening along the alcove walls.

A cool frozen breeze flowed through the crystal caves on Ilum. Jurdan Krennel had received a message to meet with a member of Odan-Urr. Evelynn Wyrm, Jurdan’s Quaestor, had thought to use this as an opportunity to get rid of someone who worked for the Jedi. What he knew is that he was meeting up with a Privateer but he didn’t know what the reason was. He had been standing around in the freezing cave glaring from surface to surface hoping to catch a glimpse of the once fabled Ilum crystals, but none shown in the dark. The wind changed suddenly as Jurdan felt the presence of another life form coming towards him inside the cave.

“You’re the contact from Odan-Urr I presume,” Jurdan said with an edge in his voice.

“Privateer Keiji Suoh at your service,” the Togruta said as he introduced himself. “You are Battlemaster Jurdan Krennel if I am not mistaken.”

“That’s right. Now why are we here?” Jurdan asked curtly.

“We are here to fight,” the alien said bluntly. “My masters wish to see one more Sith fall to the wayside as we make a move to increase our influence within the galaxy. The less Sith there are, the less power the Grandmaster will have.”

“We shall see about that. This was a very pathetic way to get our attention,” Jurdan snarked at the Privateer. “Very well, it is your funeral.”

Jurdan outstretched his hand and felt his lightsaber leave his belt as it flew through the air into his hand. The cold metal touched his hand and he grasped it tightly. He felt it warm up in his hand as he ignited the bright purple blade. He could feel the intensity of the blade as it hummed in his grip.

Keiji drew a red bladed katana from it’s sheathe. It was a true blade that had saved his life in the past. He took an aggressive posture as he raised the sword up into the air as he held it at a ninety degree angle. “Let us begin,” he said with self assurance in his voice.

Jurdan held his blade up in front of his face to gesture his show of honor for the man he was about to fight. Both men stared at each other and it was Keiji that made the first move. He dropped his sword and headed straight for the Battlemaster. He swung his katana blade at the waist of his opponent trying to cut him in any way possible. Sensing the danger that was inherent in the blade Jurdan jumped backwards and landed just as another attack came his way. He narrowly put his lightsaber blade up to block the attack. The katana blade connected with the purple blade and the blade turned to a melted mess where it had hit. Jurdan took the offensive and attacked Keiji with a downward strike from his blade. He hit the katana and cut it in half. He finished his downward strike and turned with great force kicking his opponent in the midsection. The Privateer stumbled backwards from the kick and dropped his broken sword to the ground. He grabbed his throwing knives and started to chuck them with skill towards Jurdan. He parried the blades as they came towards him but one of them hit him in the arm releasing blood from the wound.

“Impressive Keiji. You have hit your mark. Now you will pay,” Jurdan said with a smile on his face.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 July, 2017 5:17 PM UTC

He had been standing around in the freezing cave glaring from surface to surface hoping to catch a glimpse of the once fabled Ilum crystals, but none shown in the dark.

Bit of a runnon sentence.

Sensing the danger that was inherent in the blade Jurdan jumped backwards and landed just as another attack came his way.

....in the blade [comma] Jurdan jumped

The katana blade connected with the purple blade and the blade turned to a melted mess where it had hit.

I'm not entirely sure how the katana doesn't break here the first time. Also, as a skilled swordsman )+4), I don't see how Keji would let his weapon get cut in half so quickly/easily. He would know to not try and press his steel blade against a lightsaber and fight accordingly.

This cave was valuable. This cave held more than enough crystals for the number of lightsaber users in Keiji’s clan. Course he would have to deal with the current one in front of him. Keiji was already down a few knives and his favorite blade. He cursed himself for being foolish enough to attack with his sword.

Well then, time to take out the twins, The Togruta thought as he drew two sleek black pistols. One with a dark steel blade at the bottom of the barrel and the other with a very large magazine. Night and Ebony, Keiji’s trusted slugthrowers. Not waiting for the Human to rush him, Keiji unleashed a hail of bullets. Jurdan charged in blocking as many of the shots as he could, mainly focusing on the lethal shots and which only allowed the non-vital shots to strike him.

As each strike hit Jurdan, his rage slowly built. His swings kept just barely missing the large armored opponent, but growing closer and closer with each swing. The amount of slugs that were being fired slowly decreased as the distance between them slowly closed. In a fit of rage, Jurdan brought his left hand slightly back and started to let the anger fester in his palm. Crackles of lightning started to spark from palm to finger, and arc between his digits.

Before Keiji could side step the oncoming attack, bolts of electricity struck his figure. His muscles started to tighten and convulse. A slight cry of pain slipped from the lips of the large armored figure. The human saw this as the time to strike. Quickly he rushed up to the currently paralyzed Togruta and went for a swing to cleave the head. Keiji though had been through much worse pain than this, and in the last moment collapsed himself even further. As Jurdan stepped past him Keiji attempted to kick out his leg.

Jurdan was now done with this Togruta. Its attempts to prevent its demise were pitiful at best. A shout of anger and rage escaped from the Human’s mouth as he allowed the Force to tap into his pool of anger and fuel his body. It seemed to cause every muscle to bulge and ripple on the human’s form and the veins in his neck appeared to pop out further than normal.

“YOU ARE DONE FOR!” Jurdan screamed as he turned to face the now standing Togruta.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 July, 2017 5:25 PM UTC

Course he would have to deal with the current one in front of him

Of course*. Unless you wanted to make his passive voice be "slang", you'd need to use something like an apostrophe: 'Course, but it's a difficult thing to do and would need to become consistent in your writing style of the character.

Jurdan charged in blocking as many of the shots as he could, mainly focusing on the lethal shots and which only allowed the non-vital shots to strike him.

Jurdan is a Marauder with +3 Athletics, +3 Precognition. He should be able to dodge or be wise enough to take cover from a spray of bullets and not just bull forward. Also, I don't know how he could get by a bunch of "non-vital" shots. I could understand him fighting through a few grazes, but this is written as he's taking hit after hit.

Jurdan stood atop his fallen foe. He looked down as the man tried to crawl backwards awkwardly. The Battlemaster twirled his lightsaber in the air in a cocky fashion. He knew his enemy was doomed and he was showing off a bit but he would not let his foe get the best of him. The Togruta backed into an ice wall and could go nowhere else. Jurdan could sense the fear in this man and he used it to fuel his power. He stretched out his hand with his palm facing the ceiling. Keiji slowly lifted away from the floor and hung motionless in the cold air of the crystal caves. The Battlemaster threw his hand in the direction of the nearest wall and listened as the bones popped as his body hit the hard wall.

Keiji crumpled over and gave out a cry of pain as he lifted his head to see the Sith walking slowly towards him. He did his best to sit up against the wall and face his foe with honor. Jurdan’s pace was slow and methodical. As he walked up to the man he twirled his lightsaber to the left and right of the man’s chest. The Togruta was caught off guard and felt a sudden loss of feeling to his arms. He sat there with his eyes wide open and Jurdan could see the horror in his opponent’s face. The sudden realization that you no longer had any arms was not one you could get used to easily. His brother, Delak, had told him about his loss of appendages. He could never get over the phantom pains in his arm and leg. Even though they had been replaced by robotics, he lived the rest of his days feeling the pain of loss. It had helped him fuel his ability to control the Force. Jurdan didn’t want to let his foe suffer any longer. Jurdan approached his foe and knelt beside him.

“You put up a valiant fight Jedi lover. Now it ends,” Jurdan put his lightsaber through the man’s skull. All life drained from the Togruta’s body. Jurdan shut down his blade, clipped it to his belt, and headed back to his ship.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 July, 2017 5:28 PM UTC

Jurdan stood atop his fallen foe.

The last line of Keiji's post is "now standing Togruta". This breaks the continuity.

“You put up a valiant fight Jedi lover.

fight, Jedi lover.

Keiji had seen this before. This anger tapped strength and speed was formidable and dangerous. As he reloaded Night, Ebony was still firing. Every bullet that lodged into the human’s form seemed to do almost nothing. The purple blade from Jurdan’s lightsaber started to melt the barrel of Ebony, then got further and further till it managed to destroy Keiji’s trigger finger. Pain erupted through Keiji’s whole body. The searing burning sensation seemed almost amplified in the cool air of the cavern system.

Just a digit? That won’t do. How about his whole arm, Jurdan questioned internally as he watched the Togruta jump back and tighten the injured hand into a fist. The Human attacked again this time shaving off a bit of the shoulder. Keiji looked around desperately for anything of use. The one thing that caught his eye was the partially melted katana. Although much shorter than normal, there was still a sharp edge… which meant that there was the key to victory. Keiji dived right as an overhead swing came down to where he was formally standing. A cascade of sparks erupted as the purple blade connected with the stone floor and melted through it. Keiji grabbed the hunk of his sword on the ground and after finishing the roll, hurled it at the enraged human. The blade scratched his arm. Keiji smiled knowing what would come next.

Jurdan came running at Keiji, ready to swing. As he got closer though he realized his arm refused to move. The Human shot a glance the non functioning arm. That glance gave Keiji the moment he needed. With as much speed as he could muster, the Togruta charged at the human and clapped his hands on Jurdan’s head. Jurdan reeled back slightly, surprised by the sudden strike. The Ordanite then quickly kicked the Sith in the mid section, similarly to how he was struck, and watched as the Human started to fall off the precipice of the cliff. With a vise like grip, Jurdan pulled Keiji with him as he started to fall.

“I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING DOWN!” Jurdan yelled staring at the Togruta. Keiji reacted fast though, and threw one end of the grappling hook up to where they had been. He felt the head take a grab of something and the two attached to the other end were swinging into the cliff face. Keiji threw his foot into the cliff, causing Jurdan to swing faster than him and strike the stone wall first. The sudden impact dislodged Jurdan’s grip and caused him to once more plummet into the chasm below.

Through pained grunts and sheer endurance and willpower, Keiji hauled himself back up onto the stone works. He lay there for a moment, trying to regain his breath and just relax for a moment before getting on his way to collecting the Kyber crystals here.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 July, 2017 5:40 PM UTC

As he reloaded Night, Ebony was still firing. Every bullet that lodged into the human’s form seemed to do almost nothing.

Force powers don't allow you to absorb bullets.

The purple blade from Jurdan’s lightsaber started to melt the barrel of Ebony, then got further and further till it managed to destroy Keiji’s trigger finger

Again, as an NFU, not sure how Keji is able to take this damage, then get his shoulder "shaved" off, and then keep fighting. Or do a lot of what he pulls off in the rest of this post.