Seer Qor Palpatine vs. Raider Seth Danner

Seer Qor Palpatine

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Quarren, Force Disciple, Arcanist
vs.

Raider Seth Danner

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Human, Mercenary, Scoundrel
Comment

Thank you both for being a part of this first phase of the GJW and participating in the ACC. I had a real blast reading this battle, which made judging it difficult for me.

Qor, you did an excellent job setting up the fight. Your CS doesn't really lend itself to combat - you're almost 100% a healer - but you still managed to provide some fighting. You did a great job overall.

Seth, I hope you're not disappointed too much in your score. By the rubric I had to mark you down, especially in realism, but you're one heck of a writer. I absolutely love the character you've created and I think you definitely have potential to be a force to be reckoned with in the ACC. Try to work on bringing as much realism as possible to your next match and you'll do fine.

The winner of this match is Qor Palpatine.

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Qor Palpatine, Raider Seth Danner
Winner Seer Qor Palpatine
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Qor Palpatine's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Raider Seth Danner's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Jakku: Fallen Starship
Last Post 3 July, 2017 10:04 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae
Syntax - 15%
Qor Kith Torin Ardell
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A few more issues than Seth, but none that really hindered my ability to read and understand your posts. Rationale: A few minor issues throughout.
Story - 40%
Qor Kith Torin Ardell
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: I think how you setup the battle was unique and I enjoyed it. However, there were a couple of elements that I noted in my comments that make it difficult for me to keep you at a 4 here. Rationale: I thought your used both CS's well - Seth's with the hat thing and Qor's with his medical training granting him the ability to hit hard and true. However, as with Qor, there were a couple of times as I noted in my comments that make it to where I can't keep you at a 4.
Realism - 25%
Qor Kith Torin Ardell
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: A couple of minor detractors noted. I do want to point out I thought you did an excellent job of realistically showing Qor's injuries. Rationale: In both posts there are issues with characters displaying realistic reactions (and after effects) to injuries, especially in your final post. Additionally, as a species the Quarren would struggle much more significantly in the heat than you've written.
Continuity - 20%
Qor Kith Torin Ardell
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I saw or noted. Rationale: No issues that I saw or noted.
Qor Kith's Score: 3.8 Torin Ardell's Score: 3.3
Posts

Jakku Fallen Starship

A year after the destruction of the second Death Star in the celebrated Battle of Endor, another war was waged between the New Republic and Galactic Empire. Basking beneath the desert sun of Jakku rests the remnants of this hostility. Shifting sands have since buried and uncovered countless treasures and relics- to the delight of scavengers eager who hope to recover tokens from either side of the conflict!

The harsh desert offers little shelter from the elements, remaining barren and flat against the imposing backdrop of a fallen Star Destroyer that was left uncovered after the famed Battle of Jakku. Rather than allowing the vessel to fall into the hands of the Republic after the self-destruct had been sabotaged, Captain Ciena Ree ordered the Inflictor evacuated and sent it crashing to the planet’s surface. Sunken into the shifting desert sea, the upper portion of the Inflictor’s hull and exhaust ports remain otherwise intact, preserved amidst the rubble of untold casualties that had once occurred on both sides. Although it has been scoured by the passing of several sandstorms, it still displays the former power and might of the Galactic Empire.

Fallen Starship

Innumerous scraps of metal and machines of war share the same grave, echoing the lives of those who fought and died among the perilous wastes. Hundreds of these relics sit untouched, lingering amidst the ghosts that tend and reside in Jakku’s graveyard.

Qor Palpatine stared curiously at the sleeping Human in the sand, as the warm winds of Jakku spiralled around them. It seemed, so far, that the kidnapping mission had worked without fault, as Seth did the hard part for him. Qor watched the human for hours during the mission, pint after pint, shot after shot, Seth wasn’t going down until the bar was dry. The Quarren remembered the bartender making a special concoction and Seth went down like a bag of duracrete.

Snoring softly, Seth’s sleek, black hair was now peppered with sand and rust from the over-looming Inflictor. Qor sighed with boredom, it was time to wake him. Reaching into his satchel, Qor yanked out a black root and snapped the thick trunk. A white, thick sap began to bubble and drip from Qor’s hand, polluting the air with an intensely sweet and fruity aroma. The Quarren rubbed the root under Seth’s nose.

“I’m up! I’m up,” Seth murmured as the effects of the root ran through him. The groggy man slowly battered his dark green eyes open and stared at the hunched Quarren.

“Ah!” Seth dragged himself from the floor, still feeling the sloshing of alcohol in his stomach, and aimed a slugthrower at Qor’s face. “What manner of foul beast are you? Squid?”

Qor stared down the barrel of the slugthrower in awe and reached out to touch the barrel.

“Wow!” He gasped. “Is that a Reynolds? My droid uses this all the time, but I’ve never seen one up close before.”

Seth frowned and tugged his slugthrower back from the prying Quarren’s hands, then stood to take aim.

“Enough games, squid. I am going to take your possessions, take your credits, your droid, and your ship. Kidnapping me was your last mistake,” Seth pulled the trigger and an explosion of red burst from the nozzle.

Qor smirked as his raised hand tightened. The first slug raced through the air and slammed into a translucent cornea, exploding outwards and around Seth. The human covered his eyes from the flashes as his second shot exploded from the muzzle and repeated the same trajectory. Burnt cloth and leather invaded Qor’s nostrils as he watched the shrapnel pierce and burn Seth’s clothing.

The mercenary ran around the Quarren in order to flank his abilities, firing round after round from his hip. Qor felt his intentions as clear as the sunlight, rising to his feet and following the flank of Seth. As accurate and precise Seth’s shots were, his slugs couldn’t pierce the barrier that Qor created. More shrapnel burst and rained down on Seth, burning in the hot sands at his boots.

I need to close the gap and disarm him, but how? Qor’s thoughts raced through the options. Limping forward, the Quarren pressed his defence onto Seth and watched his movements.

Haste and agility were on Seth’s side, as he slid and skipped through the desert sands and continued to lay his heavy fire. The human gritted his teeth and changed guns every so often, just to keep the reserve ammo saved.

Ping!

His efforts paid off, as a flake from the cornea dissipated when a slug hit the spot, Seth then fired again. His shot raced through the air and dived through the hole, then plummeted into the twiggy arm of Qor. Spinning and bouncing across the sand like a ball, the Quarren groaned out as his face was sanded down by the dune.

Seth smirked, using his index finger and thumb to roll the tail of his moustache upwards. The mercenary spun the slugthrower around his finger and slammed the weapon in his holster, then crossed his arms in confidence.

“Now then, squid. Your possessions. Give them to me before I finish this with desert dessert,” Seth spat onto the sand and chuckled. He was quite impressed with that.

Planting his raw palms into the scorching floor, Qor trembled as his face rose from the dune’s wall. Red and bloodied, the Quarren panted and gasped for breath as he fought against the depletion of his stamina. Passively, the small wounds and cuts on his face began to slowly repair, but the psychological damage was already done. Qor spat his blood into the sand, then forced himself up. With his arms trembling, the Quarren stared at the looming scoundrel.

Frak, where’s his slugs? Qor thought.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 4 July, 2017 4:19 AM UTC

I want to start off by saying I like how you've setup the battle and I also like how you've realistically written the use of Barrier.

Qor watched the human for hours during the mission, pint after pint, shot after shot, Seth wasn’t going down until the bar was dry.

This is pretty close to (and perhaps actually is) a run on. A semicolon here would clean it up.

Qor sighed with boredom, it was time to wake him.

Syntax error.

Limping forward, the Quarren pressed his defence onto Seth and watched his movements.

Why are you limping?

I need to close the gap and disarm him, but how?

Based on the picture I've got in my mind of how you've written the scene up to here, what kind of distance are we talking? It all seems like this is happening at point-blank range.

His efforts paid off, as a flake from the cornea dissipated when a slug hit the spot, Seth then fired again.

Syntax error here as well.

With practiced hands, Qor began to assess the gunshot wound to his arm. He quickly found the entry point, a small hole halfway up his arm, and just as quickly found the exit wound. It was slightly larger than the entry wound but not life-threatening, at least not yet. Glancing up at the Human who seemed distracted by something the Quarren decided he had enough time to attempt some healing. From his waist, he pulled a small medpack and skillfully went about staunching the blood loss before wrapping it in a clean dressing. The Seer, his repairs done, looked up to see the Human approaching him.

“You seen my hat?” the Human asked trying unsuccessfully to hide the panic in his voice.

Momentarily taken aback by the odd question from a person who, just moments ago, was firing hot lead at him, Qor looked around before he asked “What?”

Seth was even closer now, less than three feet away from his adversary, when he said “My hat, damn it. It’s black, kinda old, wide brim. Have you seen it?”

The Seer began to think back over the several hours of drinking the Human had done earlier when he felt a strong pair of hands grip his shoulder. Seth was now face to face with the Seer shaking him slightly, hoping to elicit a faster response. “The last time I saw it you had placed it on the head of a Theelin stripper while she was...gyrating on you.”

“Ahhhhh!!!” Seth screamed at the sky. The Quarren began to speak but was halted as the Human held a hand as he said, “Gimme a minute.”

Pulling back the sleeve of his coat he punched a few buttons on the comlink strapped to his wrist and said, “Moe. Moe are ya there?”

A moment later the metallic voice of the Odanite’s LE-series repair droid replied, “What do you want?”

“I need you to head to that bar I was at last night. The Crash Down I think it was called. Find a Theelin stripper and get my damn hat back,” Seth ordered his droid.

The Quarren was confused. One moment he’s fighting for his life and the next he’s talking to the strange man who’d been shooting at him. Why am I helping this fool? the Seer thought to himself. He’s distracted, now is the time to strike. The Quarren limped toward the distracted Human drawing on the Force as he did so. With the precision of one with extensive medical training, Qor unloaded a Force amplified blow to the mercenary’s stomach, hitting Seth squarely in his alcohol-abused liver.

Doubling over in pain Seth looked up at the Quarren’s tentacled face and said “You son of a…” before vomiting all over the hot dry sand. Not giving the Human any chance to recover Qor hit him with an uppercut, the Force amplified blow lifting Seth off his feet and knocking him back several feet.

Stunned the Human lay there in the rough sand for a handful of moments, staring up into the cloudless sky as the blazing sun beat down on him. At the periphery of his vision Seth could see the edge of Qor’s cloak getting ever closer. Wait for it, Seth thought to himself. When the Seer was in range the merc swept his leg out cutting the Quarren’s legs out from under him, sending his fishy opponent crashing to the sand. The pair slowly rose to their feet, Seth shaking his head clear of cobwebs as Qor brushed sand off his cloak.

“As much as I’d love to stand here and talk to ya all day I got things to do,” said the merc as he pulled his pistols from their holsters and pointed them at the Quarren’s face. Pulling the triggers the dual Reynolds spit fire and lead but, like before, struck an invisible barrier, the slugs shattering on impact in a shower of sparks.

“Aww come on!” Seth shouted.

The merc began to frantically pull the trigger hoping to shatter the Seer’s shield as the Quarren unclipped his cloak with his right hand revealing a long metal cylinder in his left. With a quick press of the activation stud, a pair of dazzling emerald blades erupted from the weapon, the hum audible even over the crack of gunfire.

“Oh crap,” Seth said as he turned and ran for the hull of the Inflictor.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 4 July, 2017 4:54 AM UTC

The exchange regarding your hat is such a defining feature of your character, I really like how you wrote it.

Momentarily taken aback by the odd question from a person who, just moments ago, was firing hot lead at him, Qor looked around before he asked “What?”

This is a minor thing, but in this line and the following there should be a comma before the quotations.

With the precision of one with extensive medical training, Qor unloaded a Force amplified blow to the mercenary’s stomach, hitting Seth squarely in his alcohol-abused liver.

Great use of the Center Eye! aspect.

Qor took at least one shot - at close distance - through his arm, with an entry and exit wound. From an armor piercing round. Even after patching himself up and using Force healing coupled alongside it, he's going to be significantly more affected by it than I think you're writing him, especially at the end of the post.

Pulling the triggers the dual Reynolds spit fire and lead but, like before, struck an invisible barrier, the slugs shattering on impact in a shower of sparks.

You guys are close enough that Seth just was able to sweep Qor's legs out from under him. To mean, that's point-blank range. From that distance, the slugs aren't going to shatter in sparks they're going to explode into shrapnel - and Seth is right there to catch it again, just as he was in Qor's first post. It's possible you meant for them to end up further apart, but as it's written I don't see it.

Qor panted and wheezed, feeling the heat of the sun and the intensive fight bearing down on his lungs, then stepped forward. He threw the saberstaff across the desert and tried to control the weapon with Force, but the pain in his arm and gashing wound was too much.

Running closer to the Inflictor, Seth veered and rolled across the sand. The spinning saberstaff curved towards him and sliced through his duster coat, narrowly missing his thigh. The lightsaber clipped the sand, glassing the area and forced the blade to jolt. The weapon then spun in reverse and deactivated on the ground.

“Bah, frak!” Qor hissed as he held the limp arm, trying his best to concentrate and patch and wound. His arm trembled as he lifted it and activated the advanced inquisitor comlink.

“HK, do you read me? It’s Qor. I need you to chase that ship!” He shouted down the device.

“Hold on, master. I just got my chassis shined and you want me to go on a wild chase for a singular droid and ship in the outer rim?” HK replied with very little worry.

“If he leaves, there’s a chance to have more Odanites in this fight. Get it now!” Qor shut off the comms, then looked up to notice Seth had disappeared.

Limping over to the Inflictor, Qor noticed a slither of Seth’s coat on the floor. Hissing and wincing at the pain of bending, he reached down and snagged the cloth from the ground. With some concentration, Qor focused the Force on the material and an image of past events appeared.

Seth’s past ghost led the vision until the Seer found his saberstaff underneath a mound.

“So it landed here,” Qor knelt down, still wincing at the pain, then felt the sand. The metallic hilt was cool to his touch and he yanked it free. The Arcanist concentrated more, as the ghostly Seth raced towards the giant exhaust of the ship. Qor could feel the metallic skeleton shiver and buckle under its own weight, as the sand leapt from the ground and turned from solid to liquid-like. The phantom Seth began to jump and climb up the rods of the exhaust, ascending high into the shadows.

Pew!

A red slug arced from the darkness and towards Qor, as a deafening roar of the gun echoed through the skeleton. Qor winced as he brought his arm up to defend, but it was too late. The semi-permeable cornea scraped the slug, and broke into pieces. The pellet tore down Qor’s sleeve and burned his forearm.

“Gah! Seth!” Qor fell back onto his rear, he pushed his body into a roll and headed further into the ship. Qor latched onto the Force with his concentration, numbing the pain that seared his body until it was acceptable to stand. Blood and spittle dropped from his lips, as he limped further into the darkness of the Inflictor’s engine.

Creaking and moaning of the metal bellowed from every corridor and tube, with scrap metal as far as Qor can see. Compartments, gaping holes and wiring decorated the engines. Something had to be done to lose Seth, he needed the edge.

“HK, are you there? I need you,” Qor brought his advanced comlink up, wiping the blood from his mouth.

“What is it now, master? More demands?” HK replied with an agonised groan.

“I need you to return immediately, I am losing!” Qor pleaded, as he heard soft footsteps echo through the engine.

“But sir, I just caught up to this droid, now you want me to drop this entirely!” HK argued, as Qor heard him hit the ship’s panels in annoyance.

“Please HK, I need a soldier,” the Quarren sighed, as the Force warned him of Seth’s immediate advance.

But it was too late. Qor felt the angered soul of Seth close the distance and prepared his mind to kill. He turned to see the mercenary whip his dual slugthrowers out and fired mercilessly. Blasts of plasma exploded across the Quarren’s body, tearing his chest and face apart. Blood and gore decorated the engine pipeline, as the body fell with a splat.

“Moe, it’s Seth. Turn and return fire to that ship. This target is down,” Seth smirked and shot another slug into the Quarren’s face. Skull fragments and brain matter pelted his boots, but he didn’t care. He deserved it. It was for the hat.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 4 July, 2017 5:25 AM UTC

I like how you take into account your injuries here. I'd have a severe problem if Qor had managed to actually connect with the saber throw in his condition. I also like how Qor tried and failed to use barrier, given it's already been used twice (and Qor's pretty messed up by that point of the battle).

The lightsaber clipped the sand, glassing the area and forced the blade to jolt.

Tense issue

Qor hissed as he held the limp arm, trying his best to concentrate and patch and wound.

"patch his wound" I assume you meant?

Something had to be done to lose Seth, he needed the edge.

Syntax issue

Qor felt the angered soul of Seth close the distance and prepared his mind to kill.

Can Qor kill? That seem to go against Center Eye!

Blasts of plasma exploded across the Quarren’s body, tearing his chest and face apart.

Seth uses slugthrowers, not anything that would shoot plasma.

The air grew still as he entered the remains of the once mighty Imperial Star Destroyer Inflictor. The temperature, now that he was out of the burning sunlight, seemed to drop to a more comfortable level too. Looking around it appeared to the smuggler that he’d entered into what was left of the TIE hanger. The area was huge, and everywhere were the telltale signs of scavenging: bulkheads cut open to reveal the inner workings of the now dormant machine, cables dangling from the walls and ceilings, strewn across the floor like the guts of some mechanical beast.

But the Odanite had little time to reflect on his surroundings; he had an angry Jedi on his heels. The sooner he found somewhere to hold up and re-evaluate his predicament the better. Ahead of him were a set of doors, opened just enough for him to squeeze through. He began to squeeze his way through the frozen doors when a voice from behind him shouted “Human!”

Danner turned to see the Quarren Seer shuffling across the sandy deck, saberstaff in hand, the emerald blades casting a sickly green glow across his leathery orange skin. As Qor closed the distance to his opponent the Human frantically tried to squeeze through the doors but something was holding him back. With one final shove, he managed to extricate himself from his predicament, tearing a ragged hole in his coat in the process. But he was clear for the moment, at least he thought he was. With a wave of his three fingered hand the Quarren forced the door open, the metal screamed in protest as it slowly relented to the Seer’s power.

Seth knew he had to run, he had the advantage of speed over the Seer, and that was about all that was going to save his life. Taking off at a dead sprint Seth turned left and right at random junctions until even he had no idea where the hell he was. Echoing down the corridors the Human could hear the voice of the Seer shouting, “You can not hide from me, Human. I know where you are!”

Closing his sapphire eyes Qor stretched out with the Force, his senses traversing the labyrinthine corridors of the dead vessel. There, the Quarren thought to himself as he felt the Odanite’s presence like a torch in the darkness. Deactivating his saberstaff Qor entered deeper into the Inflictor looking for his adversary. Rounding a corner he found himself in what looked like a mess hall to find the Odanite smuggler searching frantically for an exit but finding none.

“You have nowhere to run, Odanite. Surrender now,” said the Quarren.

The smuggler turned, raised his arms, and smiled. “There’s always plan B,” he remarked.

Before the Seer could react Seth’s right hand flew down to the grip of his Reynolds, pulled the weapon from its holster, and fired. The slug flew unerringly through the air and punched into the Quarren’s left knee. The bullet shattered bone, tore tendons and destroyed cartilage as it pierced through Qor’s leg. The Seer screamed and crashed to the dusty durasteel floor clutching at what was left of his knee. The wounded Quarren called on the Force to dull the fiery pain in his joint and did his best to rise.

Seeing the Seer slowly getting to his feet, Seth said “Oh come on man! Just stay down!” When the Quarren continued to struggle upwards the smuggler said “Can you please just stay down. I really don’t wanna shoot you again,” in an imploring tone. But still, the Seer struggled to stand upright. With a sigh the smuggler aimed his weapon and shot the Quarren again, the bullet ripping through Qor’s other knee, dropping him to the ground with a thud.

With his opponent incapacitated Seth, still wary of his powers, edged around the now fallen Quarren towards the door. “Look,” he said “I’m just gonna go now,” as he pointed to the exit. Before the Seer could reply Seth took off like a scalded dog, running through the dark corridors of the Inflictor. Minutes went by before he stopped and asked “How the hell do I get outta here?”

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 4 July, 2017 5:49 AM UTC

Seth has taken a couple of solid punches (including what probably is a wicked liver punch), and Qor took an armor-piercing slug through his arm. Qor is also essentially a fish running around in the desert; I assume that wouldn't help his overall health either. Neither injured party seems to really be feeling these effects throughout your post, and that's problematic.

Looking around it appeared to the smuggler that he’d entered into what was left of the TIE hanger.

hangar*

The area was huge, and everywhere were the telltale signs of scavenging: bulkheads cut open to reveal the inner workings of the now dormant machine, cables dangling from the walls and ceilings, strewn across the floor like the guts of some mechanical beast.

What is strewn across the floor? If it's the cables, it's not clearly written.

Deactivating his saberstaff Qor entered deeper into the Inflictor looking for his adversary.

Why would he deactivate his saberstaff?

The wounded Quarren called on the Force to dull the fiery pain in his joint and did his best to rise.

I'm not sure it's physically possible - based on how you wrote, in great detail, his injury - for Qor to stand at this point. He doesn't have a left knee. :)