Augur Arcia Cortel vs. Augur Alaris Jinn

Augur Arcia Cortel

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Sephi, Force Disciple, Sorcerer
vs.

Augur Alaris Jinn

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Twi'lek, Force Disciple, Seeker
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the first phase of the ACC portion of the GJW!

The last couple of matches I've judged have been fairly light, with the characters ending up shaking hands and going off for ice cream after it was over (at least, that's what I assume). This was certainly not the case here! I felt both of you did a great job of using the unique environment of the venue, and the fighting was fairly interesting. There were a few small typos here and there on both ends, but nothing that impacted my ability to get through the posts. The deciding factor for this match ended up being the minor realism hit C'ree took with the severed lekku. I discussed that in my notes on the final post, so I won't go into it further here. Overall, though, a good match - just one I'm not sure I should have judged before bed!

The winner of this match is Alaris Jinn.

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Arcia Cortel, Augur Alaris Jinn
Winner Augur Alaris Jinn
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Arcia Cortel's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur Alaris Jinn's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Felucia: Rancor Graveyard
Last Post 6 July, 2017 3:19 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae
Syntax - 15%
Arcia Cortel Adept Alaris Jinn
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A few noted issues in each post, but nothing that overly hurt the readability of the story. Rationale: Two minor issues noted in the final post, but they didn't hurt the readability of the overall story.
Story - 40%
Arcia Cortel Adept Alaris Jinn
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: It might have been a bit gruesome, but it was definitely an interesting story. Rationale: This was an interesting match to read, especially your opening post.
Realism - 25%
Arcia Cortel Adept Alaris Jinn
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: The mark down here is for the noted issue in your final post regarding the damaged lekku. Rationale: No issues noted.
Continuity - 20%
Arcia Cortel Adept Alaris Jinn
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues noted. Rationale: No issues noted.
Arcia Cortel's Score: 4.2 Adept Alaris Jinn's Score: 4.45
Posts

Felucia Rancor Graveyard

Hidden in Felucia’s jungle lies a two hundred meter expanse marking the ancient burial site of this world’s deadliest creatures and the location of innumerable remnants of hundreds, if not thousands of rancors. A circular enclosure of sun-bleached bones are arranged in the center of the cemetery—no doubt the former dwelling of a powerful practitioner of the Force. Cobwebs cling to the fallen beasts, a testament to the primordial age of some of the creatures.

Somewhat obscured by surrounding cliffs and the luminescent jungle, the dusted bones and carcasses are cast in a faint shadow, leaving just enough light to see by. The atmosphere is thick and stifling, with a strong overtone of dust and bone suspended in the still air. The taint of the Dark Side's influence has polluted the landmark over time, giving form to a dreadful aura that has scared off scavengers determined to sell off a rancor tusk or two. Unlike most of Felucia, the area is nearly devoid of life aside from ravenous predators dwelling within the hollowed-out husks of dead rancors.

A small figure peered through the ridge of trees and across into the forest of rib cages and tusks. The figure stepped cautiously out of the treeline and took deliberate steps as if attempting to avoid disturbing any of the dust that had fallen over the graveyard. The long, black cloak scarcely moved except at its lowest trim, which raised slightly each time a heel pushed it up. Someone watching might think the figure to be uncertain about walking into a valley of death, but that could not be further from the truth. Alaris Jinn was savouring it. He opened up his mind and drank in the dark side of the Force that permeated the very air.

The dark side told him much of the history of Felucia and glimpses into the future, but more than anything was the juxtaposition of conflict: a mind at war with itself. His quarry had followed him perfectly. He knew someone would come looking after Edrien; he had left clues.

“There is no point in hiding. I can feel your presence,” he called out, still hidden beneath his cloak. He had to focus to pinpoint the location of the mind that chased him, but it wasn’t hiding. “You don’t hide your insanity very well.”

Alaris unclasped his cloak and let it fall to the ground, disturbing the dust and creating a plume around him: his flair for the dramatic. He was already clasping the blade constructed for him by Darth Ashen.

“You are Inquisitor.” The voice finally gave a location to the sentience.

Alaris frowned. “I am an Inquisitor.” He turned and locked eyes with the striking woman. “And you are Lotus.” Green plasma burst from the black hilt held loosely in Alaris’s hand.

The Sephi cocked her head. “No.”

Alaris didn’t move. He blinked twice. “Oh.” There was silence for a moment. “Well, this is embarrassing.” He looked around the graveyard, willing someone else to appear. “So, what are you doing here?”

“You left clues. I follow.”

“Yes, I did, but they weren’t… kark it.” He deactivated his lightsaber and retrieved his cloak unceremoniously. “Damn cloak dusty for no reason.”

“Why you bring them here?” The strange Sephi seemed to be inquisitive herself. She looked around the field of bones. “You kill Lotus?”

“A few, specifically. You ask a lot of questions. Who the hell are you?” The sentences merged together.

“C’ree.”

Alaris exhaled audibly at recognizing the name. “You’re Sorenn’s little pet. Morgan didn’t send you to kill me, did she?”

C’ree shook her head. “Why would she?”

The Twi’lek squinted and let impatience drip from his words. “I’m actively trying to kill her brother. That tends to be a sticky point with her.”

“You are curious little man.” C’ree focused her eyes on the Twi’lek. “You deliberately antagonize?”

The Inquisitor shook his head. “What do you mean?”

“You admit to wanting to kill Morgan’s brother.”

The Sephi’s broken Common was grating to the Twi’lek. He raised his voice in frustration. “The entire Inquisition is trying to kill Turel. I thought that would be-”

He never finished the sentence. Violet hatred coursed through his body from the outstretched hand of the tattooed Sephi. His muscles spasmed and he unintendedly clenched the cloak and lightsaber tighter to his body. The stream stopped fairly quickly. Smoke rose from the Twi’lek’s robes, as he dropped cloak and saber to the ground.

“You could have left.” The C’ree now held the long hilt of her own lightsaber in firmly in one hand, the base of it supported against her wrist. It burst out its fire, not unlike the colour of the lightning. “Now, you die.”

As his muscles only finally ceasing their twitching, Alaris smirked. “Like I’ve never heard that before.”

He laboured, but with the dark side supporting his leg muscles he leapt backward. He narrowly avoided losing a lekku, but he landed on his feet softly. The black hilt on the ground twitched at Alaris's outstretched hand but didn't move far. He sneered and retrieved the Kukri from his waist instead. "Shall we dance?"

The Sephi’s coiled legs sprang and she darted in quickly. Her second slash was quickly followed up by a third and a fourth, sporadic and wild. Her eyes had changed from the innocence of curiosity to a ferocity that excited her opponent.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 9 July, 2017 7:06 AM UTC

“Yes, I did, but they weren’t… kark it.” He deactivated his lightsaber and retrieved his cloak unceremoniously. “Damn cloak dusty for no reason.”

I grinned at this. There's nothing wrong with it, I just wanted to let you know it was amusing to me. :)

C’ree’s purposefully deliberate strikes were doing their job, allowing the Twi’lek to evade blow after blow with ease. Her goal, however, was not to manipulate the man into thinking she could not use a lightsaber, but instead to push him further back, further away from his own lightsaber which still sat upon the ground where it fell. Her wicked grin widened as she licked her lips.

Bringing her lightsaber to a high position, she held it momentarily and glanced behind Alaris to notice the beautifully laid out corridor of ivory. It was likely the arranged rib cages of fallen rancors, perfectly aligned to create a walkway of death. The Sephi-hybids mind quickly returned to the battle as she brought Pieces of Home down with all her might, causing Alaris to attempt to use the only thing he had to block the incoming blow.

The Kukri shattered almost upon impact with the lightsaber, causing C’ree’s eyes to widen. The man took this opportunity to quickly dive forwards into a deep, coiled roll, towards his lightsaber. The pink-skinned woman bellowed with rage and her face contorted as if responding to some unheard whispers. She thrust a hand outward, towards the Twi’lek’s weapon and threw her will into the Force.

“No!” Alaris shouted, his hand attempting to grab at the black hilt as it rocketed past and into C’ree’s waiting hand.

The blue-skinned man sighed, hearing C’ree breathing heavily behind him, and as he looked back to where the lightsaber was, he heard the woman drop the weapon at her feet. “Well, it seem you have me at a disadvan—“

His words were cut off as he felt what seemed to be a power hammer slam into the back of him, sending his body tumbling forwards. For a moment, he saw stars and his body began to ache. The sheer force of her strikes was beyond what Alaris was capable of, and he knew it well. He would simply have to bring the fight into his own playing field.

“I sorry, I no hear that. What you say?” C’ree stated with her customary wicked grin.

The Sephi-hybrid gripped her own weapon in both hands as she took deliberate steps forwards. The dark side seemed to surround her like a cloak and extended outwards from her, dripping with dread. The closer she moved towards Alaris, the more he felt the lump in his throat grow. He felt strange as he thrust his hand out towards C’ree. He felt something he typically did not feel himself, but instead instilled upon others: fear.

It was the way she walked, the way she carried herself and fought. He concentrated while his heart beat faster and harder in his chest. C’ree grinned at seeing his reaction and narrowed her eyes as the attack continued to run its course. Her full concentration was thrown into her force of will and she did not notice the twitching object behind he until it was too late.

With a rage filled scream, C’ree watched the black hilt unceremoniously rocket past and into the waiting hand of the Twi’lek. Her face contorted into pure hatred as she dropped her mental onslaught and charged forward with a renewed vigor. In a mere second she was upon the man, who barely had time to bring his own lightsaber to the fore and activate it. Green met a shaft of violet instability as the two pushed against one another. Alaris knew that he would not win in a test of strength, but he continued to push forward, his will through the Force calling to assist him in holding his ground.

Then he saw her right fist speeding towards him, stiletto in hand.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 9 July, 2017 7:11 AM UTC

The Sephi-hybids mind quickly returned to the battle...

Sephi-hybrid*

...twitching object behind he until it...

her*

Alaris yelped in pain as he felt the stiletto tear through his robes and scrape against his lower arm. It stung immediately and he was sure that he’d be bleeding. Coiling his legs, he commanded the dark side to coalesce around his quads. With a burst, he leapt backward and, with remarkable grace, landed on the top of a hollowed out skull. He looked down at the half-breed.

“Look at you,” he called down from his perch, feeling drops of rain begin to trickle on his lekku. “Nothing more than an animal waiting to be let out of its cage!” The dark side dripped from his very words. “Your restraint is your weakness.” His eyes widened only slightly and he quickly glanced to and from his left arm. He stretched it out a bit, but he couldn’t help but feel itchy. He ignored it the best he could. “Shatter your chains and submit to ferocity!”

The Force Witch frowned and clamped her jaw shut. With three long strides she made her way to the base of the skull and then proceeded to jump up the tusks. She leapt at Alaris with a enraged yell, but met only air as the Twi’lek had jumped over to the next skull.

“You’re pathetic!” He yelled, ever more aware of the itch in his arm; it had spread down to his thumb, and was creeping up his elbow. He knew poisons well enough to know what was happening. The rain was falling harder and Alaris felt his foot slip a little. He would have to change tactics. “Pathetic!”

C’ree let out a guttural roar and leapt again. Alaris gave into the reduced friction under his feet and slid down the side of the skull toward the ground and rolled into a ribcage. The Sephi-hybrid brought her lightsaber down in a strike to where Alaris had been, but succumbed to the same precipitation Alaris had surrendered to. She was much less graceful: her feet shot forward and her back impacted the hard bone. She slid unceremoniously to the soft ground.

She was up quickly, cringing at the sudden pain. She wasn’t sure if she cracked a rib, but that could wait; her implant took care of the immediate pain. She started toward Alaris, who was darting between skeletons, but could never close the gap fast enough to get at him.

“Keep running, Inquisitor! You tire soon!”

Alaris sliced ribs and tusks with his viridian blade, trying to make the path more cumbersome for the Sorceror. He reached out with his left arm to grab a rib with the intention of swinging around it, but he found that he could not lift his arm nearly as quickly as he wanted and had be been more clumsy a man he would have tumbled to the ground. Instead, he stumbled forward and bounced his shoulder off a tusk to keep him upright.

C’ree was closing in quickly. He knew full well he couldn’t survive with his arm being a hindrance. He soaked in the ancient evil around him and focused his attention behind C’ree. He couldn’t hear the ghosts of the rancor cemetery roar, but the Sephi’s eyes widened and she spun around to face nothing. Added with the loud crack of thunder, a happy coincidence, it was enough to startle and the Force Witch if only to give the Twi’lek enough time to contemplate his next move.

He made a judgement call. His arm would only be an encumbrance, one he could not allow. He sliced quickly and immediately understood his mistake. It wasn’t pain; the nerve endings in his arm were dead. It was shock. A void in his gut that forced his abdomen to clench. He dropped his lightsaber, which joined his forearm on the wet ground.

He collapsed to his knees. Of all of the things to bring him to his end, it was himself. She may have been the tool, but he, himself, was the catalyst. There was a cruel irony in that.

C’ree stood above him. The dark side melted out from her again and Alaris felt the cruel, cold embrace of horror overtake him once more. He screamed bit down his fear, but his shaking betrayed him.

“You be fun toy for me, Inquisitor.” The Sorceror had seemed to take on the visage of something featureless and of the void. “We go home.”

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 9 July, 2017 7:21 AM UTC

... it was enough to startle and the Force Witch...

Unnecessary "and" here.

He screamed bit down his fear, but his shaking betrayed him.

Not sure what's going on here, but I think the first half of the sentence missed some editing.

Alaris’ mind screamed out as the Force touched it, warning him of the blade. His head jerked back, missing the full brunt of the attack, but the stiletto narrowly grazed his neck; a dotted line of blood emerging from the blue. The sudden shift in weight caused C’ree slip her grip within the lock of lightsabers and she quickly hopped back as the Twi’lek brought a hand up to the scratch to inspect.

“My, you’re a fast one,” the man.

C’ree’s face contorted into a snarl as she paced a circle around Alaris, treating him as if he were prey. Her steps were seductive. Her breath came from open lips. Pieces of Home deactivated, allowing the woman to twirl the wood paneled hilt through her fingers, somehow not dropping the elongated weapon: testament to her comfort with the weapon.

Alaris frowned. “Just going to breathe at me? I don’t think that’s a proper tactic in a figh— Ahhh…”

The blue skinned Twi’lek suddenly felt tight all over. His breathing became rapid and stressed. He tried to rise to his feet, but the nauseating feeling just brought him back to a knee. What was this? What did she do? Then it hit him… the stiletto. It must have had some sort of poison on it. Alaris felt his hands and fingers spasm, losing grip on his lightsaber and watched it clatter to the bone covered ground.

“You no all talk now. You silly man,” C’ree hissed as she approached the now doubled over Twi’lek.

Lekku. Take it. Take It! the dark alter screamed from within.

Alaris could barely move as the Sephi-hybrid reached out and grabbed one of his sensitive head-tails. With stiletto still in hand, she pierced the appendage at the base, pushing the blade straight through. The man’s eyes widened and he bellowed out in pain, much to her delight. C’ree twisted the blade and wiggled it around to widen the wound, her expression showing sheer delight at her opponent’s pain and torment.

With an unexpected roar, Alaris pulled in the dark energies around him and threw the woman off, quickly reaching for his lightsaber, but completely missing. His vision was blurring and he could not locate the weapon. Between the poison and the damage to his body, he knew what was surely to come, but he still would not give up. Blue hands thrust outwards, cascading arcs of white light erupting from them as he yelled in defiance.

C’ree, now some distance away from the lightning spewing man, watched with a wicked grin as he aimed in the complete wrong direction. She brought Pieces of Home to the fore and clicked its activation switch, causing the brilliant and unstable violet blade to life. What she did not anticipate, however, was that the sound would be key in locating a hidden target and that the erratic actions of the man before her would come at an unexpected speed.

Before she noticed and was able to defend herself, Alaris whirled around and threw torrents of lightning at the woman. His first two blasts hit center mass, causing hot tendrils of power to stun her momentarily. The third, frantic, discharge missed far and gave her the time to roll under the remaining and close the distance between the two once again. She saw how the poison was affecting him, paired along with damage to a sensitive organ, and used that to her advantage.

C’ree leapt up from her roll and pounced on the man. She impacted his chest and sent both to the ground: Alaris with an audible ‘oof’ and C’ree with a satisfying sigh. She quickly grabbed Alaris’ good lekku and severed it completely with her violet blade, towards the center of the appendage. The man screamed out as nerves were stolen from him and his face contorted into that of a disabled animal. Using the man’s open mouth, C’ree positioned her lightsabers blade and pushed quickly.

Alaris’ head was cut cleanly in two, bringing a gurgling silence to bear.

You know you could ask about ship first…how we leave now? the darkness whispered within the woman as she positioned the severed lekku between the two head halves in an artistic fashion.

“I…no know. Why you no tell me first?” C’ree responded to her dark alter nonchalantly, turning to head in the direction the Twi’lek originally came from.

Adept Farrin Xies Tarentae, 9 July, 2017 7:35 AM UTC

“My, you’re a fast one,” the man.

"Said" the man? "Mused" the man?

...the dark alter screamed from within.

alter-ego* (at least I'm fairly sure that's what you were going for)

Alaris could barely move as the Sephi-hybrid reached out and grabbed one of his sensitive head-tails. With stiletto still in hand, she pierced the appendage at the base, pushing the blade straight through. The man’s eyes widened and he bellowed out in pain, much to her delight. C’ree twisted the blade and wiggled it around to widen the wound, her expression showing sheer delight at her opponent’s pain and torment.

Based on the extensive damage C'ree dishes out to Alaris' lekku here, I just don't see how it's possible for him to have any kind of function, let alone enough to even blindly throw out Force lightning. The species feat regarding it even says that "extensive damage" can cause "loss of motor function or neurological damage." That's not just blurring vision to me. You're a little closer to the mark, I think, when C'ree severs the second lek (the singular of lekku - I just learned that by pulling up Wookiepedia). I brought this up with Wally as a second opinion, and he agrees - with Alaris only having +1 in Control Self and no Rage power or some other way to overcome the pain, this doesn't seem realistic.

...bringing a gurgling silence to bear.

What is a gurgling silence? That doesn't quite make sense to me.