Competition: Bartender, I need a drink.

Inyri Ginovef & Winter On Gold Beach

“I’m sure you’ve heard of a Lianna Iced Lemonade, which is all and well, but I’m more of a tea and lemonade mix type and I decided to make something a bit more different on that front to get that but with the frozen goodness of a Lianna Iced Lemonade. And if you call this a margarita, I swear I will jump over this bar and test the structural strength of every last bottle on this rack…”

“Alright, first you’re going to need a larger sized glass, a pint works, because this is not a one and done shooter. This is something to be enjoyed at length, because I’m also the kind of drinker who likes to have something that tastes good, not just drinking paint thinner and reactor coolant because it’ll get you hammered faster. I’m Corellian, it takes more to get me hammered to begin with, might as well enjoy it.”

“So, you’re going to next need a blending unit and plenty of ice. This is a frozen drink, so obviously this is all going to be blended with ice. If you have to slap it all together, fine, but personally, I like to use fresh brewed black tea using Chandrillan black leaves, they seem to have just the right bite without being overpowering and then I also favor lemonade made from lemons harvested from Corellia’s equator; if only because for whatever reason, those farmers know how to not spoil their lemons from the fields to the store. I hear anything grown by the Ithorians is a good bet, but if you’re making quite a few, for a party, say, then yeah, premade black iced tea, unsweetened, and lemonade is fine. The key here is you don’t want your face looking like it’s going to implode, so not too bitter or sour. You’re looking to have this account for half of your serving size.”

“Now then, you can adjust how much of this you want, I tend to go for the remaining half, but I’m also Corellian, so you can go with a quarter and add more tea and lemonade, but here’s what you’re going to add next;”

“One part vodka; personally I prefer Corellian or Kuati. If you reach for that Nabooian or Twi’leki swill, I will dump this all out on your head. Do not test me, the Naboo have no clue how to make booze, just like they can’t make a ship that’s functional, and the Twi’leks just let their stuff sit too long, it tastes like it’s going bad fresh off the shelf.”

“One part gin, and you can go Corellian, Coruscanti, or Rodian on this. In fact, the Rodians are pretty good at this, you might want to stick with them. Not sure why, I just like the taste of Rodian gin, has a good bite but doesn’t taste like I could use to refill fuel slugs on a freighter. If you use Mandalorian gin labels, you’ll just ruin it, because all they know how to do is ruin things, including alcohol.”

“One part rum, and the further from the Core, the better the rum. My folks told me about a pirate gang that ran in the Outer Rim that were ruthless but had the best rum in the galaxy. The Coreward worlds just get too hoity toity about it, and the pretentiousness ruins my buzz. Plus there’s not a Coruscanti rum company worth a thing in my experience.”

“Alright, now, pour all of that into the blending unit with the ice, and set that thing to kill. It should sound like TIE Fighters being mauled by a rancor in here. If you break the blending unit, you did it right...I’m just kidding. But the ice seriously shouldn’t be chunky, this isn’t like an asteroid belt that I’m trying to hotshot through in a beat up old freighter. All the booze is there to get the job done without screwing up the flavor, and again, I went heavier on the booze because I can take it. If you have smaller races or races with lower limits, adjust accordingly.”

“And then pour all of that into the glass I told you to get earlier, and there you go. Winter on Gold Beach...no. Gold Beach is nice year round, I was born and raised in a town near there. Anyways, like I said, this drink isn’t to knock you on your six and make you forget your problems, followed by waking you up with a hangover like the Battle of Endor is going on inside your head. This is a drink that’s meant to be enjoyed, so that when you get hammered, it was a smooth ride. The hangover part, I can’t speak to. I’ve successfully dodged most of them so far.”

My favorite drink is the Tatooinian Sand Blaster. I only had one once, and have no idea how to mix a drink, so I'm just assuming that, judging by my experience, this is what was in it:

1. First, you must sprinkle pure sand from the Dune Sea in the glass, this gives it it's texture. It's not a true Sand Blaster if you don't get sand in your teeth.
2. Next, you must add half of one bottle of aged Jawa Juice that has been left to "ferment" in the sun for at LEAST three weeks. This gives the drink it's homegrown experience.
3. After that, drop in the pedal of a molo shrub for that extra hint of desert flavor.
4. Next, empty the entire picture into the inflated bladder of a Krayt dragon and shake it vigorously for several seconds. This gives the concoction a unique taste.
5. Drop in a lit match. This is to give it that burnt after taste that sticks with you for days.

The Tatooine Sand Blaster must be swallowed all in one, continuous gulp, without much thought as to it's contents. If done correctly, you will wake up the next day with a severe hangover, your valuables stolen, and produce more excrement than a bantha for a week. You will be miserable, but at least you won't remember losing the feud.

A Corellian Bootlicker; an old favorite of the O'Maille clan

1. First take about 2 cups of Muja fruit juice
2. Pour in about 3 fingers of Whiskey stolen from Robert Sadow's liquor cabinet
3. Chill it with a quartet of ice cubes taken from Planet Hoth
4. Inject 3 quarts of swamp gas from Dagobah
5. Using a spoon carved from the tooth of a Krayt Dragon, add 5 spoonfulls of blue milk in memory of Luke's forgotten power converters in Mos Eisley
6. Drop in a Sith amulet, pilfered from the workshop of Macron Sadow. Stand back as sparks of energy course throughtout the mixture
7. Add a bit of hair of the Nekk dog
8. Garnish with a pinch of Calamari water lily
9. Inform your Clan mates before you take your first swallow and hang on for the ride!

By following these instructions you choose to absolve Zachary O'Maille of any side effects that may arise of drinking a Corellian Bootlicker which may include: corrosion of the lower intenstines, any lost teeth, thinking that you are the very model of a modern major general, singing Bith opera at the top of your lungs very badly, unconsciousness, liver failure, changes in Force alignment, uncontrollable euphoria or death.

Enjoy.

The "Sang"

1) Get a litre of 6 day old Wookiee milk
2) Mix with 5 litres of Dagobah swamp water
3) Strain and add Tarisian ale
4) Shake the mixture, offer it to the trashiest broad in the cantina to shake.
5) Pour into the bin and give the person a glass of water.

The effects of the drink are to pretend that you're super awesome and hardcore, when really you're taking the piss and pretending to be tougher than you really are.

While I normally just drink cider or ale, I do imbibe something just a wee bit stronger on occasion. Two of these give me a nice pleasant buzz.

Name: The Light and dark Cocktails

Jedi Ingredients:

1 oz. of Peace

1 oz. of knowledge

.5 of Serenity

A dose of Harmony

Sith Ingredients:

1 oz. of Passion

1 oz. of Strength

.5 of Power

A dose of Victory

.Pour all Ingredients of which side you choose
.Shake vigorously
.Strain into an old fashioned glass
.Add ice
.Choose your side of the force :)

The effects: An honorable cool refreshing drink

The "Kyber Colada"

1. In a blender, combine ice from the south pole of Hoth, the fruit from a fresh Rockmelon and 5 ounces of top shelf Corelian Rum. Blend until smooth.
2. Pour the slurry into a glass made from the melted remains of a collapsed Crystophsis skyscraper.
3. Slip the rim of the glass through crushed salt from the dried seas of Tatooine.
4. Caramelize the top ten microns of the slurry with the heat of a red-bladed lightsaber powered by an impurity-free Kyber crystal.
5. Add a small umbrella.
6. Drink, enjoy, look awesome.

One Kyber Colada will make you the life of the party, drawing in all the most "talented" Twi'lek and Togruta dancers to bask in the presence of your awesomeness. Two Kyber Colada's will make said dancers fall madly in love with you out of sheer awesomness. Three Kyber Colada's sends you to the hospital.