Competition: [Week 1] Compunction for Puns: Pro Bowl Edition

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[Week 1] Compunction for Puns: Pro Bowl Edition

While it has been 4 years since the DJB’s pun warriors last did battle in Punderdome, the Pro Bowl seems like the perfect time to bring back this groan inducing classic. Do you have what it takes to make us shake our heads and sigh at your puns?

Below you will be given a number of topics on which you will craft your best (worst?) and most groan inducing pun. While I'm not going to set a firm word limit, I will remind you all that brevity is the soul of wit. Each pun will be scored on a 1-10 scale based on humor, originality (very important) and groan factor and the highest overall scores will win (in the case of a tie, the highest and lowest pun scores will be dropped). Good luck!

Topics:

  1. The Aquarium (any creature you might find at one)
  2. Math
  3. Alcoholic beverages (real or Star Wars)
  4. Star Wars flora and fauna
  5. COMBO PUN FUN - Make a combination pun from 2 of the first 4 topics. Each pun will be judged separately for a total of 20 points.
Competition Information
Parent Competition
Pro Bowl IV - Week 1
Organized by
Warlord Arden Karn di Plagia
Running time
2020-08-10 until 2020-08-17 (8 days)
Target Unit
Entire DJB
Competition Type
Other
Awards
Second Level Crescents
Participants
30 subscribers, of which 27 have participated.
Results
Member
Grand Master Muz Ashen Keibatsu
Textual submission

1. I ordered the fish and chips at Ackbar's, but it was a wrap. The clownfish tasted funny, too.

2. I tried to think up a good decimel pun, but they had no point. Sum were just terrible.

3. I take my drinking serious, so making jokes about it is hard, but i'll give it a shot.

4. It's been a while waiting in the hot suns, but she'll be dewback amy moment now.

5. You should never ride after having drinks. It's a whisky proposition, because your vision could be blurrg.

Placement
1st place
Member
Battlemaster Tracinya Beviin Entar
Textual submission

1. I saw a lonely fish today, it needed a cuttle.
2. My opinion on Maths is pretty divided.
3. Walk, don't Rum!
4. When I left work I couldn't believe it had Gundark already.
5. It's nothing personal, your witty bantha is making me feel ale.

Placement
2nd place
Member
Augur Alaris Jinn
Textual submission

1. I never could trust soap shaped like sharks. They lye through their teeth.
2. I once told ten puns in a row to see if any would make anyone laugh. No pun in ten did
3. I asked Don Henley why he had whiskey after Thanksgiving dinner and he said "Rye, Rye, it's great with pumpkin pie."
4. Anakin Skywalker had to apologize to the locals on Okator VIII. He said, "Saria stepped on your plants."
5. Whyren away from long division? Take a shot, and then give me the remainder of the bottle.

Placement
3rd place
Member
Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea
Textual submission

are you a whale? Cause you just blow me away.

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Furios Morega di Plagia
Textual submission

1. Getting to the aquarium wasn't easy; I had to overcome many unexpected turtles.
2. Pythagorous voted to increase the city budget on maintianing farm equipment. He was protractor.
3. When Davy Jones starts a binge, you better rum for your lives.
4. We were somewhere around Otoh Gunga, on the surface of Lake Paonga, when the drugs fell out of the ship. Within minutes we were sailing on the high Sees.
5. The odds of my drunken puns having a positive effect increases if I have the white.

Placement
No placement
Member
Adept Kereban Zolar
File submission
Puns.pdf
Placement
No placement
Member
Major Dasha 'Jala' Talus
Textual submission

Why do Bettas fight? They can never figure out who’s alpha.

Understanding derivatives is integral to getting to the next half of the course.

What do you give a duck celebrating its new programming career? A Daiquiri.

How do Veshok Trees get their name? Kids climbing them often hang on for dear life as the branches tilt downwards and others would just shake the evergreen tree from side to side to help them fall to the ground.

A professor told his class they would make wine in their electronics lab today and all students were allowed to work together. At the lab, the TA gave them the instructions in the form of a sine wave and a circuit with a speaker. Confused, one student put together the circuit and inputted the specifics of the waveform into the generator. Everyone flinched as it produced a whining sound.

Placement
No placement
Member
Augur Locke Sonjie
Textual submission

The Aquarium (any creature you might find at one)
Math
Alcoholic beverages (real or Star Wars)

COMBO PUN FUN - Make a combination pun from 2 of the first 4 topics. Each pun will be judged separately for a total of 20 points.

1. Why is the aquarium so quiet? It seems really fishy.
2. Did you hear about when Grevious decided to learn math? He said it would be a great addition to his curriculum.
3. The best way to read puns is with a drink in hand. Then you'll have a beerific time. (kill me)
4. Did you heat about the guy who got banned from the petting zoo on Tatooine? He got the banthammer.
5. How about that Jawa that joined the confederacy? They found out he was juicing and he got banthammer'd.

Placement
No placement
Member
Savant Aul Celsus
Textual submission

Did you ever hear how Dr. Evazan broke his nose so badly? You know, the guy from the Tatooine cantina? Well, he had one too many hard spotchkas on a visit to Endor's forest moon and ewoked right into a tree.

Placement
No placement
Member
Savant Appius "Zappius" Wight
Textual submission

1) what do you call a penguin trying to take over the world? A Roman Emperor.

2) Being good at maths is sometimes like a good graph chart. It has its ups and downs.

3) Sometimes I think my life is like a terrible Martini. Shaken, not stirred.

4) Enjoying Star Wars can be a lot like Funnel Flowers. Dry, irritating, and annoying. Much like the fan base!

5) Whenever I get stuck and upset with negative numbers, I turn to my ol' friend Jack Daniels for help. After all, it turns two negatives into a positive!

Placement
No placement
Member
Augur Raistline Taldrya Majere
Textual submission

1. See Lions are known to help blind lions.
2. Two bullied One because she was double one's size.
3. I never understood why Chewie let Han fly if Han had shots first.
4. This polyester bra is a real titter bug in the summer.
5. It must have been a severe wound I took with that eye blaster. So painful was each step I thought I would die a meter. (2/3 Diameter/eyeblaster)

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlemaster Brimstone aka Seabr'imsto'nedansr
Textual submission

Math is like Sex.

Add the Bed
Subtract the Clothes
Divide the Legs
And Multiply!!!

Sex is like Banks

Early withdrawn cause Low Interest Rates and Withdrawal penalties.

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Andrelious J. Inahj
Textual submission

1. I nearly got electrocuted when I took a swim, but eels well that ends well.
2. I remember the days of 2x2 and 3x3. Those were the good times.
3. I drank two bottles of spirits, even though it was a bit whiskey.
4. I fell off my mount, now the others won't stop tauntaun me.
5. How does an alcoholic count? Wine, two, three...

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlemaster Aleister Mavros
Textual submission

My family demanded I get professional help for my drinking. So I hired a bartender.

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlelord Azmodius Equesinfernum
Textual submission

y=mx+b is my favorite one liner, but if you have a Betta one let Minnow

Placement
No placement
Member
Warrior Khryso Mallus
Textual submission

1. I hear the new Aliso aquarium is the rEEL dEEl when it comes to exotic specimens.
2. For remembering order of operations, having a mnemonic device can often be a PLUS.
3. Don't come WINE-ing to me, I told you the picnic was BYOB.
4. I hear those Hoth-native pack animals weigh a TAUN-TAUN.
5. The other day I tied a pair of dice to my cat's collar so I could call it an octopus.

Placement
No placement
Member
Corsair TuQ’uan Varick di Plagia
Textual submission

1. Some have struggled to find their porpoise in the Brotherhood.

2. TuQ wouldn’t go so far as to call Ronovi’s leadership during the war Obtuse. But it certainly wasn’t right.

3. The secret to unlocking Ronovi’s heart is having the right whis-key.

4. The right vegetables help make Zuchii good meal.

5. Why couldn’t the Sea Lion drink his wine? Because of the Seal!!!

Placement
No placement
Member
Savant Morfra Gul
Textual submission

1. A bunch of Star Wars fans squabbling over placements for fish jokes? What a load of carp!
2. Never trust Morfra with graphing paper. She's always plotting something!
3. Heard they finally got a charge to stick against the Dread Lord! She was arrested for emboozlement!
4. Was playing a game to keep the servants in shape, accidentally smashed one to death with livestock. They were the ones who said "Nerf guns!"
5. Something something "Ronovi," something something "Corellian rum," something something "drink like a fish!"

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Takagari "DarkHawk" KogaRyu
Textual submission

1. What is green and sour and lives in an aquarium? A tro-pickle fish
2. What is the point to geometry
3. Batman prefers just ice in his scotch
4. My flowers always root for water/The grizzly left the park because it was so unbearable
5. Using simple geometry to solidify his point, the alchemist proved alcohol was the solution

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Etah Obsidyn
Textual submission

These numbers might be imaginary, but this vodka is an Absolut value.

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Kojiro Keibatsu Sadow
Textual submission

1. The Aquarium (any creature you might find at one)

Did you hear about the dancing penguin? *mumbles rest of joke*

2. Maths

What type of dancing does an algebra teacher like? Square dancing.

3. Alcoholic beverages (real or Star Wars)

What's big, slimy, drunk and shrivelled? A Hutt with a Tequila chaser.

4. Star Wars flora and fauna

Did you hear about the singing rancor at Jabba's palace? He fell down on the sharp notes.

COMBO PUN FUN - Make a combination pun from 2 of the first 4 topics. Each pun will be judged separately for a total of 20 points.

What do you get if you cross a Porg and a Puffin? A smaller cgi budget,

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlemaster Shimura Keibatsu
Textual submission

1. Awww baby, you give me Porpoise.
2. Why are catholics the best at math? They sure do know how to multiply!
3. Dont call my drink old fashioned!
4. Do you know why he smells so bad? He reeksa!
5. Thats a whale of a beef eater.

Placement
No placement
Member
Colonel Liandry Lhucci Cataa
Submission
Colonel Liandry Lhucci Cataa opted out of publishing her submission.
Placement
No placement
Member
Battlelord Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae
Textual submission

1. What is the best approval animal at the aquarium? The Sealion of approval.
2. The way species mix is weird. How come a no eyes species + a 2 eyes species = a kid with 2 eyes. Yet when both species have 2 eyes each, why doesn't the kid come out with 4 eyes?
3. How do you know when Ronovi is craving a drink? When she says " Whyren's everybody going?"
4. Why do we have to get our kyber crystal from Ilum, one of the coldest planets? Because that is the only place where your choosen crystal will Ilum'inated.
5. What do you get when you add a seal and a check mark? The seal of approval.

Hope you enjoy these horrible puns. I couldn't think of any better ones. :P

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Ronovi Tavisaen
Textual submission

1. Watch out for that devilsquid - if not, your deed in HELL is INKED!
2. Never tell Han Solo the odds! He can't EVEN!
3. You drink another Pink Nebula, and you'll be a true SPACE CADET!
4. Did you just get attacked by a Sith warbeast? Well...Hakuna TUK'ATA!
5. In order for the drunkard to swim with the sharks, he needed BEER GOGGLES!

Placement
No placement
Member
Warlord Bentre Sadow
Textual submission

Well, in Pro Bowl, one does have to bring their A game if they want to SEAL it in the puns comps.

Though sometimes when you are stuck, it can really ADD to your MULTIPLE stresses.

Ah well, if I don't place for the pun comp, I guess I will grin and BEER it.

At the end of the day, I am here to represent the team, so those who don't like my puns can put a PORG in it.

Though I hope it doesn't SUBTRACT from the experience, because I don't want to FISH or WINE for approval when I step up to WOMP the competition.-

Placement
No placement
Member
Battlelord Hades
Textual submission

What do you get when you add two sets of starfishes together that hate each other? Star Wars! XD (#5 Combo pun fun!)

Placement
No placement