Knight Aiden Lee Deshra vs. Knight Blade Ta'var

Knight Aiden Lee Deshra

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Force Disciple, Seeker
vs.

Knight Blade Ta'var

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Female Zeltron, Sith, Marauder
Comment

I want to congratulate both of you for making it to the third round of the Tournament. You have both performed at a very high level and you should be very proud of your accomplishments thus far. The point of this tournament was to prepare our newer folk for the big games like the impending Great Jedi War. You both have proven that you're going to be mainstays in the ACC for some time to come, so great work.

Blade, you had one of the strongest single ACC posts I've seen, even from among our veterans. Your first post did so much, told so much, and pulled me into the match, all in less than 1000 words, which is very impressive. You used the venue, and the NPCs very, very well. You reminded us that they were there. You had one of the most interesting skill explanations I've ever read, especially because Resolve never gets visualization. I struggled a little bit at the beginning of your last post; mostly just wondering what was happening. I did figure it out, but you brought us back to the end, and a really great climax. Two drunk Force-users clumsily trying to win and both end up losing. Great work.

Aiden, you had a lot of really great descriptors and great storytelling. Normally, we don't like when NPCs get involved, but you made it seem organic. The issue that we ran into was that the Pheromones were improperly used. You can see more on that in the notes. Having your character end in failure is always interesting, especially when its as spectacular a failure as you wrote it being.

Thank you both for participating in this year's Journeyman Tournament and I'm really looking forward to the great work that you'll do in the future.

And congratulations to Blade Ta'var on advancing to the Final Round!

Hall Journeyman Tourney [2016]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Aiden Lee Deshra, Knight Blade Ta'var
Winner Knight Blade Ta'var
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Aiden Lee Deshra's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Blade Ta'var's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Club Vertica
Last Post 28 May, 2016 3:56 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Adept Alaris Jinn
Syntax - 15%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You had a couple punctuation issues but nothing that took me out of the match. Rationale: There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing egregious.
Story - 40%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: There was a lot of good in this. Your first post was outstandingly good. I loved your ending so so much. The reason you're getting a 4 is because I got a little bit lost at the beginning of your final post. I finally got there, and I ran this by the Combat Master and he agreed. We just kind of weren't sure what was happening. I absolutely loved your description of the *Resolve* skill. Very impressive work. Rationale: You had really good descriptors and a lot of good here, it just didn't give me that ultimate WOW factor that we're looking for when deciding between a 4 and a 5.
Realism - 25%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: I didn't see any issues. Rationale: You did a really good job with Blade's aspects, but the Pheromone use was a little suspect. It doesn't really work the way you wrote it doing so. It's not really a substitute for mind trick and it really only works when directly engaging with an individual. It doesn't work that strongly in passing and definitely not over multiple people, so we had to dock you a minor detractor on it.
Continuity - 20%
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: I didn't see any issues here. Rationale: I didn't see any issues here.
Aurora "Aura" Ta'var's Score: 4.45 Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra's Score: 4.2
Posts

Nar Shaddaa Club Vertica

A gambler’s den of the Vertical City’s greatest bettors, Club Vertica is a casino reserved for the wealthiest of Nar Shaddaa. Cardshark droids are used exclusively to deal hands to those willing to risk their credits at the sabacc tables. Cheating is rendered near impossible under the surveillance of the droid's six photoreceptors. That of course does not stop the downtrodden from accusing others of being a fraud, which can often happen before someone receives a blaster bolt between the eyes. The few that have able to use skiffers undetected are counted as some of the best swindlers in the Galaxy.

Cerulean lights illuminate the tables, making concealment during a game difficult. Seated around most of the oval tables are a mix of gamblers from different species, succumbing to their addiction for the ultimate prize—the sabacc pot. Credits are tossed onto the tables forming mountains that draw in fierce competitors with deeper pockets and faster wit than the usual patrons.

Behind the games of sabacc, drinks are being served from the alcove of a small bar. Most of these are a shade of blue in color, expertly mixed to dull the senses of all but the hardiest individuals. Onstage, a local band sets the mood of the venue with an upbeat number that deafens out most conversations. The stakes are always high at Club Vertica.

Bright blue eyes scanned a room full of drunks, gamblers, and provocative dancers. The sounds of rhythmic music and heavy bass filled the room, drowning out the angry yelling of irritated patrons. As Aiden Lee Deshra, Knight of Taldryan, walked through the cramped walkway of Nar Shadaa’s Club Vertica, he was nearly knocked over by a Rodian smuggler being dragged out of the club kicking and screaming in his native tongue.

As Aiden searched for his target, he passed by many unusual looking people. A Zabraki with blue tattoos, a woman with a blue pixie cut, and even a drunken Wookiee passed out in the refresher. Aiden tapped the comlink that was just inside his right ear.

“Zoron, sir, I’m not seeing anyone meeting his description.”

”Aiden, we have it on good authority that Jaren Kyle is in that establishment. You must locate him and bring him back to us.”

“Sir, I understand. I just have yet to find any sign of him.”

”Listen very closely Knight Deshra. Jaren is a fugitive of the Brotherhood, and if you can bring him to us, and we turn him in, it will look good to the Grandmaster’s eyes. Taldryan needs this right now, so do not fail your clan.”

“Don’t worry, Sir. I refuse to let Taldryan down.”

Aiden continued his search, looking around the club at the many gambling tables. Cardshark Droids were dealing cards to the patrons, some of which were growing more unruly as they became more and more intoxicated. Aiden scanned the room, as he had yet to find Jaren. He saw a nearby Twi’ Lek waitress walking around with a serving tray and approached her.

“Hello sir, how may I help you?” she asked in a sultry manner. Aiden could clearly see the act she was putting on. He smiled as he waved his hand in front of her face.

“You will show me where this man is,” he ordered as he brought out a picture of a human with dark red hair and brilliant green eyes. The Twi’ Lek couldn’t fight the effect upon her mind that Aiden was having, and smiled as she agreed to lead him to his target. Aiden didn’t notice the pink-faced Zeltron whose eyes followed his back.

The waitress led Aiden to a small alcove away from the gambling tables where Jaren Kyle sat surrounded by various half-dressed females of all different species. There were empty glasses littering the table, and clearly the man was well under the influence at this point.

“Jaren Kyle?”

“Yes, what can I…hic…do for you, my dashing looking friend?”

“Some friends of mine would like a word with you.”

Seeing Aiden’s lightsaber hilt, the red haired human snarled as he shakily came to his feet and pulled out a small blaster, training it on the Taldryanite.

“I ain’t going nowhere with you…hic…you bastard!”

As the man was about to pull the trigger, Aiden reached out with his left hand and the blaster flew into his grasp.

“You will be coming with me,” Aiden said as his gaze wandered to the terrified females “All of you, scatter! This doesn’t concern any of you.”

“Now you listen here…hic…I have nothing to say to your friends so leave me….”

As Jaren yelled at Aiden, the Gray Jedi felt a warning tugging his body to the left. Following the pull he saw a small knife sail by his head and bury itself into Jaren’s neck. Blood squirted from the wound as Jaren fell to the ground, coughing and flailing in pain before falling still. Aiden, in shock, looked around and saw a familiar blue pixie-cut fleeing. Anger seethed into him, and he ran after her.

The red-skinned Zeltran swerved through the crowed, but as she moved forward, more and more bystanders blocked her route. Her mission was a success, she thought.

That traitorous swine known as Jaren Kyle is dead, and Pravus will be proud of what Scholae Palatinae was able to accomplish! After several detours Blade Ta’var found the exit. As she was about to take it, her reflexes kicked in and she dove to the side as a chair flew towards her.

The distraction allowed Aiden to catch-up to the assassin who had ruined his mission. His Beskad blades slid free from the sheathes on his back, as several scared patrons of the club screamed out in terror.

“You killed him. He was my mission and you killed him. Why?”

A crowd began to form around the two Force wielders. Ta’var stood up and unlimbered her katana. She smiled at the swordsman in front of her as she began releasing pheromones into the air.

“He was my mission, and the fool needed to feel justice. His actions against our Brotherhood warranted death, and that is what I gave him. Just because you failed your clan doesn’t mean you need to get all pissy.”

Aiden's seething anger erupted. Lunging forward, he slashed the right hand blade at the Zeltrons' waist, but she intercepted it with her katana. He followed through with a thrust of his left blade, before she disengaged and retaliated with a slash of her own sword. Steel met steel as the two sword fighters circled each other. Sparks flashed after each blow. Throughout the fight, Aiden found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything other than her beauty. Taking notice of his distraction, Blade dodged his next thrust and slashed her blade at his left arm, cutting into his skin. Blood seeped from his wound as Aiden dropped one of his swords and reeled back in pain.

“Stand down Taldryan. I don’t want to kill you.”

Aiden grinned as he stood up, sheathing his sword. He concentrated as he withdrew his lightsaber hilt. The pain temporarily left his body, and his eye gleamed at the Zeltran.

“I’ll just have to drag you in instead.”

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 28 May, 2016 6:02 AM UTC

Grandmaster’s eyes.

Grand Master's*

The red-skinned Zeltran swerved through the crowed, but as she moved forward, more and more bystanders blocked her route. Her mission was a success, she thought.

You switch perspective here. We are fully in Aiden's perspective, then suddenly we're hearing Blade's internal thoughts. It's jarring and there should be a line break or cutting-point to help us signal the switch over. Also Zeltron not Zeltran

Throughout the fight, Aiden found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything other than her beauty.

There are better ways to word this. "As they battled" or "as they traded blows". Throughout is applying a time modifier that takes you out of the action that you're portraying.

Pretty cool set up, good use of +3 Control Self at the end.

-W

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 4:59 PM UTC

I liked the set up. The rationale for the match was interesting and original.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:02 PM UTC

“Stand down Taldryan. I don’t want to kill you.”

**Stand down, Taldryan.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 6:58 PM UTC

he slashed the right hand blade at the Zeltrons' waist,

**Zeltron's

“I bet you’d love to put your hands on me. You’ll have to earn that right first,” grinned Blade as she activated her lightsaber with a comforting snap-hiss.

The Marauder eagerly counted the milliseconds until Aiden’s purple blade snapped to life, coiled like a compressed spring ready to be unleashed. After what felt like hours, the Gray Jedi turned sideways and finally triggered his lightsaber, pointing its tip at her chest. Blade channelled the Force through each and every muscle and pounced with all the strength her desire to win could give her.

The Zeltron’s saber was a blur of constant motion, her swift strikes searching for the path of least resistance. Aiden countered with deft flicks of the wrist. His short, precise thrusts interrupted her rhythm as she ducked around and under his elegant strikes. Undaunted by the close proximity of her opponent’s saber, she pressed forward and struck rapidly at the Taldryanite’s legs, chest, and arms. She accepted any opening that seemed to present itself to her and seized it.

Aiden let out a grunt of frustration. Her deceptive jabs and swipes were mostly met by his elegant thrusts and short slashes, but a few found their way deeper. The Seeker cursed and danced away from them, using his footwork to step out of harm’s way. Blade heard the excited ooh’s and aah’s from the gathered crowd and cursed them. She wondered why they refused to leave.

The Marauder ferociously continued her assault, only to meet thin air. Aiden had jumped out of range. He raised an open hand and slammed it into the ground. Blade tensed up, deactivated her lightsaber, and turned to dive away. It was too late. A wave of energy slammed into her. Her body flew back and crashed into the surrounding spectators, many of whom had also fallen down.

Her sweating body was engulfed in a tangle of limbs and unwanted grabs as the masses around her refused to let go. She snarled in irritation and punched, kicked, and jabbed her immediate neighbors. Their grips faltered and fell away. Blade ripped herself free from the adoring crowd and cursed herself as she finally stood up. She activated her lightsaber for good measure and gave it a few intimidating flourishes. The shaken spectators dispersed several meters away from her, several tending dark bruises and yelling.

“You won’t get me that easily, Aiden. This fight is just starting,” growled Blade as she glared determinedly at the Gray Jedi’s smirking face.

“You’re a stubborn one. Good. All the more enjoyable. Come at me!” Aiden yelled ecstatically.

The Palatinaean strode forward cautiously and approached a nearby table. Gamblers absorbed in several large jackpots anxiously looked up at the Zeltron. She smirked and hurled a pile of chips towards the Taldryanite. He was ready, stopping the barrage of hard discs mid-air and trying to push it back at her. Blade grunted with effort and kept the missiles away from her, shoving back.

Aiden winked at her and let go.

The objects flung straight towards the crowd as he ran to another gambling table. She let the projectiles fly their course and flung a second bombardment of chips at her retreating opponent. Indignant cries from patrons filled the air.

Aiden grabbed a large bag of tokens from a fleeing gamber and threw half of his arsenal at the Sith’s approaching volley. The two salvos crashed in mid-air with a clinking cacophony and clattered to the floor. The Gray Jedi quickly followed up with another volley as Blade called to the Force and sprung to a table further away. She stumbled on top of a pile of chips, which promptly fell to the floor in a clatter. The Cardshark Droid protested with raised arms and binary beeps and whirs.

Ratatatatatat!

The Zeltron quickly twisted around and saw another volley of discs crashing loudly into the far wall. Disgruntled yells, nervous screams, and cries of pain from hurt bystanders echoed throughout the casino. Many of them were already making their way to the exits.

“Enough! Look at the mess we’re making. You will hand over your weapons now and come with me,” ordered Aiden as he waved his hand.

Blade stared at the Seeker with a knowing look. He had done the same thing to the Twi’lek waitress. The Zeltron furrowed her eyebrows in concentration and focused on her true mission. Mental images popped into her mind, as if several holovids were playing at once. In one of them, she saw herself accepting an assignment from her Consul. She replayed over each and every word. One phrase in particular came back to her: her Consul had said, ”Complete the mission, and come back immediately.”

In another mental holovid, she saw Aiden commanding her to come with him. Her Consul’s voice was just as loud as the Taldryanite’s. Despite her best efforts, she wasn’t sure which one was true. Her frustration rose. Was this how her victims felt when she used her pheromones on them? She wanted to run away, but her boots stayed firmly planted to the ground. Taking a calming deep breath, she smiled at the mostly empty bar.

“You should at least buy me a drink first. I’ll have a bottle of Rancor Tequila. Oh, and, I am keeping my weapons, so deal with it. Shall we?” Blade smiled wryly as she gestured towards the bar.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 28 May, 2016 6:08 AM UTC

The Marauder eagerly counted the milliseconds until Aiden’s purple blade snapped to life, coiled like a compressed spring ready to be unleashed. After what felt like hours, the Gray Jedi turned sideways and finally triggered his lightsaber, pointing its tip at her chest.

There are better ways to describe time passing slowly here. "felt like ages" is better, but evne saying "felt like hours", she's already counting the "milliseconds". Milliseconds aren't really quantifiable to me as a reader. It's better to use things like heartbeats, breaths, blinks--things that are a bit easier to quickly imagine than trying to apply time. I say this because in general, addressing time in a battle is tricky to begin with...as you're explaining a story and the events that happen IN real-time, so to speak, but also most of these matches we can't say how long it would take, we just go with it.

More of an overall note than a detractor.

Her sweating body was engulfed in a tangle of limbs and unwanted grabs as the masses around her refused to let go. She snarled in irritation and punched, kicked, and jabbed her immediate neighbors. Their grips faltered and fell away.

Good use of the Venue. It's a crowded bar that's turned into a fight. This doesn't interfere with the fight, but adds a sense of "we're not just fighting in a vacuum.

In another mental holovid, she saw Aiden commanding her to come with him. Her Consul’s voice was just as loud as the Taldryanite’s. Despite her best efforts, she wasn’t sure which one was true. Her frustration rose. Was this how her victims felt when she used her pheromones on them? She wanted to run away, but her boots stayed firmly planted to the ground. Taking a calming deep breath, she smiled at the mostly empty bar.

Awesome example of showing us, not telling us. This is the best instance of how +2 Mind Trick clashes against +2 Resolve. It is not just a dice roll, it's organic to the story being told. This is what I try and explain to people all the time.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:01 PM UTC

coiled like a compressed spring ready to be unleashed.

Great descriptor.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:08 PM UTC

In another mental holovid,

This is great. It's obviously just a memory, but it continues the ties to the Star Wars universe and says so much more than just "she remembered this thing."

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:09 PM UTC

fleeing gamber

**Gambler

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:17 PM UTC

Indignant cries from patrons filled the air.

Sometimes we forget that crowds like to watch fights. You kept them engaged in the scene without involving them too much and let us see their reactions. Very nice.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:21 PM UTC

Blade stared at the Seeker with a knowing look. He had done the same thing to the Twi’lek waitress. The Zeltron furrowed her eyebrows in concentration and focused on her true mission. Mental images popped into her mind, as if several holovids were playing at once. In one of them, she saw herself accepting an assignment from her Consul. She replayed over each and every word. One phrase in particular came back to her: her Consul had said, ”Complete the mission, and come back immediately.”

I've never actually seen someone write Resolve. Usually it's just brushed off and ignored, but you actively wrote her mental acrobatics to avoid the mind trick. Very well done.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:32 PM UTC

Overall, this post was very well written. You engaged the venue and used it, but didn't get too involved with the crowd; you simply reminded us that they were there a couple times. Your descriptors of combat were great and then the descriptor of Resolve added a great finish and set up for the next post. Well done.

Aiden watched the Sith with interest in his eyes. She had successfully broken free of his control, and even joked with him about his demands. But this was no time for jokes and drinks. Aiden had to return to Karufr and explain to his superiors what happened, and why he failed in his mission. They would not be happy. His only reprieve would be to bring the one responsible for his failure to them for questioning. He would not fail again.

The Gray Jedi’s gaze never left Blade. He still felt the sting of her blade on his arm as it bled through the sleeve of his robe. Relishing the challenge this Zeltron had provided him, Aiden weighed his options. As the crowd's' mood began to turn, he saw a need to finish this quickly.

Blade watched as Aiden circled towards the exit. The crowd blocked her from running further into the club, leaving her only one way out; past him. Aiden raised his lightsaber in front of his face, saluting the Zeltron, before pointing the hissing blade towards her and lowering it into position. Blade turned her body, half-facing her opponent, and raised her crimson lightsaber above her head in a half-block. Hearing the patrons behind her, she remembered how they hindered her before, and a smile emerged upon her face. She pumped more pheromones into the air.

Aiden rushed her, thrusting his amethyst blade towards her chest. Blade snapped her saber into a lower position, catching his lightsaber and circling it away from her, before releasing control of her body to the Force. Aiden found her blows unpredictable, only his skills allowing him to keep up with the seemingly random and ferocious strikes. Stepping out of the way from one of her rapid slashes, Aiden parried and riposted, striking back and forcing her to become defensive. The wound in his arm throbbed in pain, blood once again dripping from his arm as the scab broke in the fighting. His head began to feel a little fuzzy from the blood loss.

The Taldryan Knight jumped back towards the exit and began to channel the Force, the pain in his arm leaving his body and his head clearing. Blade noticed his concentration and made a dash for the exit. An amethyst blade brought her to a screeching halt, coming close enough to singe the tiny hairs on the base of her neck.

“Sorry, but you’re not going anywhere,” he taunted.

“You can’t keep this up forever. Besides, I’ve done nothing wrong,” she replied snappishly.

“Perhaps not in the eyes of the Brotherhood as a whole, but you screwed up my mission and I don’t take kindly to that,” the human replied

Aiden pushed his right arm forward, while channeling energy into his left hand. On instinct Blade moved backwards, saving her neck from injury, but her left shoulder was scorched by the Taldryanite’s saber causing her to cry out in pain. Taking advantage of Blade’s injury, Aiden’s left fist hammered into her stomach, releasing the pent up energy and sending her flying back into the crowd. Blade gasped in pain from the impact, smirking weakly as she was overrun by the patrons. She looked one in the eye; enthralled by her beauty and her pheromones, he was susceptible to her will.

“Please," she gasped, "you need to help me! Otherwise that bad man over there is going to kill me!”

The man’s face twisted into rage and he stood up. Turning, he let loose a scream and charged the Taldryan. Aiden reacted defensively and shoved the man away with his mind. Feeling a warning, he ducked out of the way from the blows of yet another man who swung at his head. Three men in total began to close in on the Gray Jedi. Aiden disengaged his lightsaber, not wanting to seriously harm these men who were clearly under Blade’s thrall.

As the three men attacked Aiden, Blade smirked and took it as her cue to escape. She dashed towards the exit, but not before the Taldryanite noticed. Dodging the patron’s strikes, he channeled energy into his hands and slammed them hard onto the floor. A ripple-like wave tore outward from the central point of his fists, slamming into the three men and knocking them to the ground. Aiden rushed out the exit to find Blade. Unfortunately, he was unable to see, or sense her presence within the bustling crowds outside the club.

Aiden was overcome with anger. He hadn’t failed a mission since he was knighted. Resolving himself to his fate, the Taldryanite pressed a button on his comlink, connecting to Karufr.

“Aiden Lee Deshra, report. Do you have Jaren Kyle in custody?”

“No, Zoron. He was killed by an outside force while i was apprehending him, sir.”

The line went silent for a moment as anticipation built in the Knight's mind.

“And the killer, do you have them in custody?”

“No, she escaped.”

“Return to Karufr at once. I am most displeased with you, Lee.” Zoron was not happy, and Aiden knew that his punishment would be severe.

The line disconnected, and as the Taldryanite turned to find his ship, a portly man in an expensive suit yelled after him.

“You…you animals destroyed my club! You will pay for all of these damages!”

Aiden rolled his eyes, not having the time or patience to listen to the club's owner. The Taldryan Knight waved his hand front of the man’s face.

“You will pay for the damages yourself, and buy these patrons a drink.”

As the man agreed, and walked away, the crowd began to cheer. Aiden felt no cheer today, but he would meet Blade Ta’var again, and she wouldn’t be so lucky a second time.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:30 PM UTC

Aiden found her blows unpredictable, only his skills allowing him to keep up with the seemingly random and ferocious strikes.

Great way to describe Vapaad. Great example of "Show, Don't Tell."

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 30 May, 2016 5:52 PM UTC

The crowd blocked her from running further into the club, leaving her only one way out; past him

Colon would be better here, a semicolon joins two sentences together and "past him" doesn't really stand up on it's own as a sentence, technically.

Aiden rushed her, thrusting his amethyst blade towards her chest. Blade snapped her saber into a lower position, catching his lightsaber and circling it away from her, before releasing control of her body to the Force. Aiden found her blows unpredictable, only his skills allowing him to keep up with the seemingly random and ferocious strikes. Stepping out of the way from one of her rapid slashes, Aiden parried and riposted, striking back and forcing her to become defensive. The wound in his arm throbbed in pain, blood once again dripping from his arm as the scab broke in the fighting. His head began to feel a little fuzzy from the blood loss.

Beautiful combat writing. Combat Master like. Combat Master approve.

An amethyst blade brought her to a screeching halt, coming close enough to singe the tiny hairs on the base of her neck.

I was a bit confused by this. The way you were painting the scene, I did not realize that he was that close to Blade that he could just extend his blade to try and stop her. I also think saber to the front of the neck is more effective than the back of the neck--easier technically for her to just keep running away. It's not a gun. Not really a detractor, but don't be afraid to be a bit more detailed with the blade placement or the action of it. I like knowing it was close enough to tingle the hairs, but the action of the arm/blade helps the reader. (Or maybe I'm just slow. Alaris seemed to not have an issue ;P).

So, I actually love the ending here. I like that Aiden fails and you show how it affects him. I really like it.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 6:13 PM UTC

The man’s face twisted into rage and he stood up. Turning, he let loose a scream and charged the Taldryan. Aiden reacted defensively and shoved the man away with his mind. Feeling a warning, he ducked out of the way from the blows of yet another man who swung at his head. Three men in total began to close in on the Gray Jedi. Aiden disengaged his lightsaber, not wanting to seriously harm these men who were clearly under Blade’s thrall.

That's not really how a Zeltron's power works. Generally, a Zeltron has to be actively engaging in a romantic encounter with someone in order to be able to manipulate them so strongly.

Aiden hesitated for a moment, eyeing her arsenal suspiciously.

“Alcohol and weapons don’t mix,” he warned.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Now, make yourself useful and get me a drink,“ Blade growled with an annoyed edge.

The Taldryanite paused, then cracked a smile.

“Ha! A stubborn woman that can fight. You can keep your weapons, but only if you cooperate. I’ll be watching you,” threatened Aiden.

“You hearing yourself? Stubborn but cooperative? Ha!” teased Blade.

“Deactivate your lightsaber first,” demanded the Taldryanite.

“I must insist you go first,” countered Blade. The Marauder crouched and pointed her lightsaber at him.

“Fine, same time then. On three, okay?” asked Aiden.

“Go ahead,” the Zeltron acquiesced, watching the Taldryanite’s every move.

“Three...two...one…” he counted down.

Aiden deactivated his lightsaber and waited. Blade held her pose for a second, then turned off her own. Relief filled the Seeker’s face as she relaxed her stance and hopped off the table. She let him lead the way to the bar, sitting one chair away from him. A craggy old man took shelter behind the counter, but jumped at the sign of new customers. A bottle in hand, the angry, resolute bartender waved it threateningly as he chastised them for scaring everyone away.

“Hey! Do you want our business or not? You heard the lady. One bottle of Rancor Tequila,” ordered Aiden as he presented his credit chit.

“And two glasses please,” grinned Blade.

The old bartender grumbled, but nonetheless accepted payment.

“Two?” asked the Seeker.

“Yes. I propose a challenge. We will see who can do the most shots. It will be fun. After all, we are at a casino,” she reasoned.

“Sure, I don’t fly the ship. You’re on.” The Taldryanite grinned.

The bartender set the bottle and shot glasses down and retreated a safe distance. The Palatinaean poured the first round and toasted her opponent.

“To victory!” enthused Blade.

The Zeltron downed her shot glass and hit it on the table. Aiden finished off his own with a satisfactory thud. She poured another. Thud. Thud. Another round downed. Round after round, they poured, drank, and banged their glasses. It was its own battle rhythm. The tense evening faded away to smiles and laughter as they both upped the ante. Aiden swayed slightly.

“Ma’am, excuse me. Your shuttle is waiting for you,” reminded the bartender.

“My shuttle? I thought he was taking me back,” explained the confused Zeltron as she pointed at Aiden.

“But you already ordered this one. Do you want me to cancel it?” asked the bartender.

Memory of her Consul’s and Aiden’s words came back, but next to them was her voice, ordering a shuttle for her alone. Blade rubbed her head for a moment. Something was wrong, and all the voices in her mind contradicted each other, even her own. She closed her eyes and shut out all but one, the only one she could truly trust: herself.

Still massaging her head for show, Blade mentally focused on her opponent’s lightsaber. She whipped her arm into action as she used the Force to rip it from his belt, flinging the shocked Seeker’s lightsaber across the room. The Taldryanite paused for a second before reaching for his blaster. She activated her lightsaber and whipped it towards Aiden’s neck, stopping short at the last second.

Time seemed to freeze. Blade saw her saber an inch away from his slightly swaying throat, his blaster’s nozzle pressed against her stomach, and the intense look of a drunk man afraid to die but ready to pull the trigger.

“Looks like we have a stalemate. Move and you’re dead,” growled Blade with an unnerving calm.

Her gut told her to move, but she also wanted to see who would break first. The air was thick with tension, sweat, and fear.

“You should turn your weapon off. One of us could get hurt,” warned Aiden nervously.

“Don’t you mean the two of us?” Blade asked pointedly.

“No, this gun is set for stun. You are the only one with a lethal weapon,” whined the Seeker.

The bartender nervously watched the standoff from a distance. He had been wiping the same glass clean for a while now.

“Yield,” demanded Blade with an icy stare.

“No,” said the Seeker in a determined but shaky voice.

Doubt stabbed the Zeltron as Aiden forced her to make a decision between standing down or murdering a man who refused to get out of her way.

“Could you kill me? That is the only way you leave here alone,” threatened the Human.

Blade’s face turned redder with frustration. The stubborn drunk fool refused to leave empty-handed. Could she kill him?

The Zeltron’s conscience became embroiled in internal struggle. The dark and the light clashed for supremacy. Logic told her to kill Aiden. She didn’t know for sure if the gun was set to stun. Unfortunately, compassion nagged at the back of her mind. All the times her father had stayed his hand and saved someone were like beacon of hope. The Marauder grimaced and turned off her lightsaber. She hoped her ideals wouldn’t get her killed.

“I”ve done the right thing. Now it’s your turn. Let me go,” urged Blade earnestly.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s for my Clan,” Aiden apologized.

Blade felt a fresh surge of anger and disappointment. The Force screamed at her to run, but she wanted the fool’s head on a platter. She moved to reactivate her weapon and continue her strike towards the Seeker’s neck.

Pew.

Blade fell to the floor, fingers going limp around her lightsaber. Her crimson red blade disappeared, but not before she heard an agonizing scream. Her saber hilt clattered to the ground next to her. Aiden’s anguished moans became a lullaby as she succumbed to darkness.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 5:49 PM UTC

He had been wiping the same glass clean for a while now.

Nice touch.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 30 May, 2016 6:12 PM UTC

“Go ahead,” the Zeltron acquiesced, watching the Taldryanite’s every move.

I love that you worked this in. #piratecode

I don't have any other notes really. Polished post.

Adept Alaris Jinn, 30 May, 2016 6:28 PM UTC

I was a little bit confused here about what happened. Was the +2 vs. +2 a Stalemate? I figured out the stalemate bit, but I would have liked a little bit of a point toward what was happening.