Seer Kelly Mendes vs. Seer Kordath Bleu

Seer Kelly Mendes

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Force Disciple, Seeker
vs.

Seer Kordath Bleu

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
Comment

I'm glad I got to grade this match. It was cool to see two of the most active members of the fiction society fight in the ACC. As the scorecard shows, each writer had a small ding for realism, but nothing that was really a major deal and offset one another. Storywise, Kord was a bit stronger in his action, and I literally was not expecting that ending. Creative and savage. There were also nice little moments like him trying to light his smoke on the forec field and being disappointing it didn't work. Kelly I did like how you tried to work in the traitor in the ranks plot. There just was very little fighting to help carry your story forward.

Great work, both of you.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Kelly Mendes, Seer Kordath Bleu
Winner Seer Kordath Bleu
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Kelly Mendes's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Seer Kordath Bleu's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Naboo: Plasma Refinery Complex
Last Post 14 July, 2017 7:19 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae
Syntax - 15%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Few small errors.. Rationale: Few small errors.
Story - 40%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Dude. Wtf. That ending. Props to that. Good action, descriptions, but your final post really made up for your first. Rationale: Considering you set up the venue pretty well, it still took a bit too long for the action to start. You also, in your last post, kind of got caught up and totally let the interesting element of the venue - the force fields - fade away into unimportant. I did like how you tried to work in your other matches for the larger plot, and trying to get into Kords head, though.
Realism - 25%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: See comments, minor ding. Rationale: See comments, minor ding.
Continuity - 20%
General Stres'tron'garmis Dr. Giyana Jurro
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.2 Dr. Giyana Jurro's Score: 3.8
Posts

Naboo Plasma Refinery Complex

Erected along the banks of the Solleu River and the Virdugo Plunge of Naboo, the refinery complex is a model of Neo-Classical design and exacts an efficient but elegant form. Large blocks of sandstone-like stone are sheltered by a ribbed roof and inlaid with a high-tensile durasteel support webbing. The stone construction boasts rigid, durable design and is lined with blast-proof green plates so the the roof is defended against bombardment.

The Plasma Refinery Complex is a triple-domed structure and located alongside the city's main hangar. Within the first of the three domed structures closest to the hangar lies the seemingly-bottomless extracting shaft. A hemispherical chamber with black paneled walls that constantly monitors and compensates for pressure changes, the shaft is crisscrossed by several concentric rings of catwalks. A series of twelve, evenly-spaced acceleration shafts extend from the bottom of the pit to disappear into the ceiling. A thermal carbon membrane contains the plasma that is forced out of the core and upward through vacuum suction.

The city’s power generator rests on the other side of the acceleration shaft and is located under the ground floor of the first domed building. Above it, the facility's main activator and purification chamber sits below a corridor of laser gates. The corridor, comprising of several doors that lock into position and hold back potentially dangerous quantities of power outputs, leads into the generator’s core.

Another massive shaft plummets into the heart of the reactor at the center of the generator’s core and is surrounded by a circular catwalk that extends to the walls of the smaller, cylindrical building. Along the sides of the shaft, high-energy particle coils are employed when excessive plasma slough needs to be curtailed.

The central building is, in fact, a drum-shaped holding tank of refined plasma. Mass amounts of energy is gathered below the recirculation lid at the top of the tank, this reduces the oxygen levels in the chamber in order to preserve the vacuum maintained in the tank.

Naboo, an interesting enough planet. It had been home to the Rhode sisters, both of whom had wanted to come. But Kelly was here for business, not pleasure. She’d been set free by Arcona, after her unlikely capture. However, it seemed as if not everyone was happy with the decision. Marick certainly hadn’t been. Learning of an Arconan already seeking Kelly out, the Voice had tasked Kelly with eliminating her Ryn pursuer. The Human didn’t know too much about Ryn. They weren’t exactly common anywhere she’d been. Yet it would certainly be quite a learning opportunity. The Plagueian had never fought a rat before, now all she had to do was wait for him to show.

Kord sighed as the Bleusmobile landed on Naboo. He had heard conflicting reports of the Plagueian’s prowess. Lucine had reported that Kelly was not to be taken lightly. Her injuries were a testament to that. Yet Revs had come along and captured the woman who had given Lucine so much trouble. Kord wasn’t sure what to think, a first for the Ryn. Usually, he had some sort of opinion, but this time he’d have to wait and see. He wasn’t particularly fond of the Atyiru or Pravus loyalists, he preferred to do his own thing. Entering the facility, the Ryn stood out like a sore thumb with his tattered cloak and his finest casual wear.

Kelly wore a pair of red thigh high flat boots on her feet. Most people would have gone for heels, but they weren’t exactly fighting footwear. The Plagueian crouched, looking to get a better look at the figure making its way through the facility. There was something interesting about it. The cloak it wore was seemingly grouped around something to the rear, like something pointing outwards. Rising back to her feet, Kelly began to follow the figure as it continued deep into the facility. If it was Kordath, he was sure taking his time in revealing himself.

The Ryn was almost across the walkway. On either side was a presumably deadly drop. Kord didn’t like the look of it at any rate. A red field appeared as Kord made it safely across the chasm. That was to be the least of his worries. A Human female dropped down. Kord chuckled, it wasn’t the best place to meet a lady, and Zuj would be mad if anything untoward happened. Then again, judging by the whips and lightsaber the woman carried, she wasn’t here to play games. Or at least the kind that didn’t involve pain.

“You’re… darker than anything I’ve faced before. But at least it suits you, rat.” Kelly snarled as the snap-hiss of her lightsaber activating punctuated her statement. The Plagueian was clearly not happy. The disdain for the alien was clear for all to see, well Kordath, as he was the only other one there. Kelly’s left hand was wrapped firmly around the pommel, the blade faced away from the Ryn. Slowly, Kelly began advancing towards Kordath, who had his back to the field of red that was blocking further progress.

Kord tried to back away, but remembered the field of energy blocking his retreat. The woman was in front of him so he couldn’t go that way either. As if by instinct, Kord leapt forward and spun his body clockwise while in the air. Swinging his feet in Kelly’s direction, he caught her unaware, landing a kick to her nose and sent the Human staggering backwards. This seemed to only anger the Plagueian. Kelly felt her nose, it was potentially broken. Carrying on, she felt power coursing through her veins. Directing it towards her right hand, Kelly prepared a dangerous attack. Waiting for a few moments, Kelly ensured Kordath had stayed in his place. Then she unleashed a torrent of Force energy, aimed at the Ryn’s body. Kord had seen it coming and leapt harmlessly out of the way. Kordath stepped backwards and as Kelly was following, the barrier re-emerged. The pair looked at each other, pondering their next move.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 16 July, 2017 11:55 PM UTC

Learning of an Arconan already seeking Kelly out, the Voice had tasked Kelly with eliminating her Ryn pursuer.

That doesn't sound like me. Not taking off points, but I do kinda know the guy.

He wasn’t particularly fond of the Atyiru or Pravus loyalists, he preferred to do his own thing.

either two sentences, or joined with an em dash or semicolon here.

. Kord chuckled, it wasn’t the best place to meet a lady, and Zuj would be mad if anything untoward happened.

Comma spliceage.

“You’re… darker than anything I’ve faced before. But at least it suits you, rat.”

Racist. :P

Kordath looked at the shimmering barrier in idle fascination, wondering how long such a thing would keep him from the Plagueian. With a shrug he withdrew his pack of smokes, knocking out a cigarette and sticking it in his mouth. After he had returned them to his pocket he began patting at his jacket and then his pants, a look of confusion on his face. Another shrug from the Ryn prompted him leaning forward carefully, pressing the end of the cigarette to the force field, hoping it would cause it to burn while inhaling.

He grumbled as it failed to light, glaring at the pale-skinned woman through the field, taking the cigarette from his mouth and tucking it behind his ear.

"Sooooo," he began, drawing out the word and stifling a yawn. "Why'd ya go runnin' off from tha Dajorra system, luv? Did nae enjoy tha room service in yer cell?"

"What are you talking about? I was released by your people!" The woman seemed to sneer at him even as she spoke.

He cocked a bushy eyebrow. "Did they? News ta tha Shadow Lady, that is. Wonder who paid 'em off, hmm?"

Bleu tried not to jump as a screeching sound cut through the air, the result of the brunette dragging her red saber blade across the force-field as she paced back and forth.

"When did you become a Lotus lapdog then, rat?"

This comment almost forced Kord to stop searching for his lighter, his mind reviewing her words. It was disconcerting, somebody being familiar enough with him to make such statements. He reminded himself of the temporary alliance his Consul, under protest from many, himself included, had taken part of with Kelly's Clan several months prior. He'd argued at the time that it would expose Arconans to the eyes of Plagueis, a chance for the Dark Siders to gauge their strengths.

"Ain't here fer no Lotus business, luv, just doin' a favor for tha boss lady, eh?"

"So you just go where the blind woman points, hmm? Pathetic."

Any response was lost to the harsh sound of force fields shutting down, one by one, cascading down the corridor towards the one that kept them separate.

Oh kark, here it comes again, thought the Ryn, diving sideways as conjured lightning burned through the air where he'd been standing. He scrambled back to his feet, trying to find an opening to charge in and engage the woman in close combat. She had a saber, sure, but the way she used it seemed overly defensive, the blood from her nose a good indicator of how she'd deal with him being up close and personal.

Kordath trusted the sensations he received from the Force, ducking to the side as another flash of forked energy blazed past him. He felt the hair on his head rise up even further from the charge. The Arconan tried to dash ahead, to close the distance and get some hits in. When he got near her she lashed out with her saber, the overhand grip causing the blade to trail behind her arm. It wasn't the move of a duelist, that was evident, but it was still bloody dangerous. He barely managed to avoid it, the scent of burnt leather filling his nostrils.

A scorched line crossed his nerf hide coat, the Ryn noted in a detached sort of way. It hadn't skewered him or removed a limb; it wasn't that important. Just as he thought he'd found his opening, preparing to come under her guard with a vicious upwards kick to her chin, the Arconan felt himself skidding back across the polished floor. When he came to a stop, he glowered at the Plagueian and her outstretched hand.

"Almost like ya do nae wish ta dance, luv. All dressed up as ya are, figured ya'd enjoy a bit o' up close and personal, eh?"

He saw her begin to advance on him when the sound of force fields activating echoed throughout the chamber once more. Kelly was brought up short, teeth bared in annoyance at the shorter man. Kord muttered to himself anew, noting the pair of barriers between them. Her Force-fueled knock back had cost him a lot of ground.

Bleu dug into his scorched coat and withdrew his bottle, pulling the cap out and taking a long swig from it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her changing out her hilt for a whip and cringed.

Time ta get freaky, eh?

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 17 July, 2017 12:02 AM UTC

She had a saber, sure, but the way she used it seemed overly defensive, the blood from her nose a good indicator of how she'd deal with him being up close and personal.

Seems odd that in the time between the force-fields she wouldn't use her +2 healing on the nose, or at least wipe it away with her sleeve?

A scorched line crossed his nerf hide coat, the Ryn noted in a detached sort of way.

Really awkward wording here.

Kelly’s lightsaber hadn’t worked as well as the Plagueian would have liked. The golden shock whip could be the change in weapon she needed. Twirling it around, Kelly imagined the pain she could inflict on the Ryn and she liked it. The Ryn didn’t seem much to care, engaging in his beverage. It was precisely that lack of respect that led to Arcona straying from its roots. Watching the energy field dissipate, Kelly strode forwards. A cocky grin on her face, she prepared to speak. “Oh little rat, it must be so infuriating for you. I mean you’re supposed to be some big detective. Yet you didn’t even know you had a leak. Tell you what, I’ll give you something for free. I’ll give you a code name, you pass it on to the blind one, then off yourself. We got a deal pumpkin?” Kelly’s disdain could be heard in her voice, especially on the word pumpkin. Kord was a little surprised but simply had to respond.

“Who ya callin’ pumpkin darl? And o’ course I knew bout tha leak. Who’d ya think was feeding the info to ‘em. There ain’t nothin’ you can say that’ll surprise me, love.” Kordath hit back in his own special way.

“I am going to really really enjoy this. The leak likes to go by the name Tails. I’m sure you can guess why. Looks like that bottle is truly the only thing you can depend on. It does suck to be you. But don’t worry, I’m here to make sure it all goes away. Just close your eyes and try to be quiet when the whip hits.” Kelly took immense pride in her words. If believed, they would make the Ryn rash and easy to cut down. If not, he’d doubt her and just keep waffling on. This would allow Kelly time to formulate a semi-decent plan. The Ryn chose the latter.

“Now now, don’t ya dare be tryin’ ta say ma Zuj is a traitor. She’d no wanna hurt me. So ya can take ya lies and shove em’. I’ll not be offin’ meself for an escort, ya dig?” Kord was angry and it showed. The Ryn was nervously guzzling down the contents of his bottle. He couldn’t believe the Plagueian had the gall to suggest that his fiancé would be involved in aiding Arcona’s enemies. Though Kelly’s source was aware of Zujenia, it wasn’t her. There had to be a reason behind Tails as an alias though. Who else had a tail? Well, there was only the two Ryn. Unless wait that was it. Tails didn’t mean tail, it was definitely plural. Who had two tails of sorts? Tali! Kord shook his head in disappointment. Zuj had been such a good friend to Tali. Yet the Twi’lek had betrayed their trust.

“Rat-a-tat tat. Are you there? I should kill you, but your dear tailed one insisted I keep you alive. Something about not being able to be a good Ryn. She was so very concerned. You needn’t worry though, I’m making sure she’s very well taken care of.” Kelly’s words stung, Kord knew they weren’t true, but that didn’t make it any better. The fact his family had been let down by one they considered a friend. Kord smashed his bottle against the wall. It now had a sharp edge and Kord was going to use it. He wasn’t usually the type to get too invested in a fight. But the Human had made it personal.

Kelly pulled the whip back,and then smiled as the crack of the whip indicated it was headed towards the Ryn. Kord’s drinking had affected his skills somewhat. He just about to get out the way, when the shock-filled tendrils of the whip crashed into his left leg. He winced as he felt his leg spasming. The whip’s strands didn’t stay connected for long. Kord saw his chance and hopped towards Kelly. Wildly swinging his bottle, the Ryn watched as Kelly slid elegantly out of the way of his attacks. Using his good leg, Kord swung his leg at Kelly’s face. CRACK! If it hadn’t been before, Kelly’s nose was definitely broken now. The Plagueian dropped to the ground as Kord headed to get his house in order.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 17 July, 2017 12:11 AM UTC

Kelly pulled the whip back,and then smiled as the crack of the whip indicated it was headed towards the Ryn. Kord’s drinking had affected his skills somewhat

Kord's Combat Aspect speaks about him being used to fighting while drinking. It doesn't seem like, in a relaxed state between barriers, he'd have much issue.

Kordath wiped his mouth with his coat sleeve, belching after taking another long pull from the bottle in his hand. His ears felt warm, and his tail was flicking behind him in anxious restraint. The drink was probably not the best of ideas, but he wasn't sure how important trying to capture the escaped woman before him was. Sure, Blinky had tasked him, well, more like asked him, to pursue the Plagueian...

Of course, at this rate, if he just got past her back into the room full of the lit up walkways and drops into darkness and got away, he could at least report he'd tried.

Sorry, luv, she was dangerous and bit slippery, and ya know I can nae be dyin' now. Got me wee lass ta care for and that lovely woman I'm marryin' after all this settles down, sorry, Boss.

"No smart words anymore, rat?"

Kord blinked, broken from his train of thought and shrugged, taking another drink and capping his bottle. He returned it to his jacket and withdrew his dagger, holding it in an overhand grip, much as she had with her saber. The first force field cut off with a loud thunk as the emitters moved out of line. The first to close were those nearest the entrance to the hall, past Kelly, while the first to open was behind him. He took a few deep breaths and hopped in place to get his blood flowing, drawing on the Force to infuse his muscles with more speed.

The field behind him shut down. A few seconds later the one before him did as well. He began to advance. One step, two, three — at four he began to sprint towards the barrier that was between him and Kelly. He could see her tense and her whip unfurling. Bleu thought he'd misjudged for a tragic moment as he neared the energy field, wondering how badly this would hurt when it finally shut down.

Kordath leaned forward and brought his dagger in with a punching motion, the blade sticking out the side. Her dress, a dark red to match her boots, hid the blood well, but the Ryn did hear a gasp of pain. Before he could feel proud, he saw her turn with the blow out of the corner of his eye.

The Plagueian used the momentum to do a pirouette, her dress billowing just enough to cause the Ryn a moment of pause. What he should have been paying attention to was the gold flecked length of the whip that spun around her. When she stopped, her feet firmly planted, the weapon snaked out towards him.

It snapped close to him, a flash of black and gold that crossed his vision and made his head jerk back. The Arconan took a step towards her, hoping to have another chance to get in close and bleed her once more, slow her down.

His left eye began to grow hazy, and he blinked, feeling a warmth running down that side of his face.

Guess I didn't dodge that, oh kark, who's gonna bleed who here?

He dived to the side when the next attack came, deciding that this was all a terrible idea now. Rolling from where he hit the metal flooring, he reached back to pull a flash grenade from his belt. If he could make it back to the large open room beyond, he could get away from her, or at least come up with a new strategy. That whip would be the death of him in this hallway.

Even as he scuttled away, tossing the grenade behind him, the Force called out in warning. A length of whip snaked around one of his ankles. He yelped as his foot was jerked out from under him, rolling to his back as she pulled him towards her. The grenade went off, the bright light and concussive force filling the narrow hall. Vision lost and ears ringing, he blindly tried to cut the whip.

Above the ringing in his ears, he heard the force fields activating once more, behind him, one at a time, and dread filled him as he sawed at the whip.

Gotta get out, gotta—

When Kelly's vision cleared, she felt a sense of revulsion. Arcona had humiliated her with capture, but even so, did anyone deserve the ending that the rat had gotten? She waited for the field to drop before walking past the parts that had been Kordath, shaking her head.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 17 July, 2017 12:17 AM UTC

Kord blinked, broken from his train of thought and shrugged, taking another drink and capping his bottle.

Awkward pacing here with comma use.

The Arconan took a step towards her, hoping to have another chance to get in close and bleed her once more, slow her down.

or at least slow her down.* It's missing some parts