Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj vs. Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Seeker, Imperial
vs.

Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Force Disciple, Defender, Sentinel
Comment

First off, thank you both, for completing your match and participating in the ACC.

This was a curious setting for what essentially became a grudge match between former Clanmates. A lot of action, and a lot of familiarity with one another's characters.

Sang, you had a lot of good ideas for the conflict, though a lot of what you had in your lead up was scattered. It did add a certain charm to the idea that he cares about his subordinates, though. While you had a solid story going on, and your writing had energy and life to it, your inclusion of NPCs into the duel hurt your score. Prior to that, we were looking at a tie, if not a win on your part. That said, please be sure to get yourself proofed! All in all, these were enjoyable to read.

Andrelious, you had fewer issues, as expected with your level of familiarity with the system. Your syntax was solid and your power usage as well. Certain aspects of your story stretched credulity or made little sense, as pointed out in the post notes. Perhaps expand on your character's reasoning, as for the most part, your posts were combat and Force powers, with little exposition or driving of the narrative.

In the end, Realism and Syntax won the day, with Warlord Andrelious coming out with a score of 3.65

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj, Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Godless Matron: Chute Town
Last Post 29 January, 2018 6:59 PM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Deleted Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Extra commas, missing commas and a few other minor issues here and there. Rationale: Numerous run-on and comma issues throughout both posts.
Story - 40%
Deleted Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 2 Score: 2
Rationale: Outside of combat and dialogue, your posts didn't do much to advance the story. You took some hits in both posts as detailed in the notes, concerning Barrier and your ending. Rationale: Your story started out decently strong but dived in your ending post, relying on deus ex machina NPCs to end the battle for you is a big, big no no. NPCs are, as the ACC wiki guide states, spectators, not participants.
Realism - 25%
Deleted Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: Ultimately none, it was decided after convening with the ACC Staff that what issues cited were more Story related than actual realism. Rationale: Some minor issues with Illusion and what not in your first post.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: None that I could find. Rationale: None that I could spot.
Deleted's Score: 3.65 Professor Sanguinius Tsucyra Entar's Score: 3.25
Posts

Matron_ChuteTown

The Godless Matron is home to many, resembling a micro-society for those who wish to live outside the typical 'rule' of the galaxy. The Lucrehulk-class battleship's massive hangars have been converted into dwellings as a result. Chute Town is the most notable of these makeshift towns. Many shops and storefronts have been constructed to take advantage of the higher volume of foot traffic. In addition, many ships and crews arrive into Chute Town to sell their "well-earned" commodities, weapons, or artifacts. It is commonplace to find the best and the worst gear the galaxy has to offer, it is only a matter of how big your pocket book is. The 'streets' are patrolled regularly by the crew of the Matron itself, leaving would-be miscreants to be more wary, lest they find themselves on the receiving end of a pirate's sense of justice.

It is built mostly out of spare durasteel panels from derelict ships, dismantled machinery, or any other source or material the pirates could scavenge. It spans the length of the massive portside hangar of the Matron, reaching from it's heavily protected reactor — hidden behind triple-reinforced blast doors and a guard retinue — all the way to the hangar entrance where the many incoming ships unload their cargo. It is more than a mile long, over five hundred feet wide and up to three stories tall, covering most of the floor. Chute Town's streets are a miniature maze, weaving in between buildings on several levels. Verticality is key for the masses of shops and bars to operate without interfering with one another. The main street is nicknamed Murder alley, mostly because all the weapon shops are prominently opened there.

Matron_HangarZerek

Illumination banks are staggered along the walkways and buildings to provide enough light for the society to function. Still, the 'streets' are left dim with a low hanging fog built up from the collective humidity of so many people in one space. For those calling it their home, there is no such thing as 'off hours'. A large crowd bustles along at all hours, an exotic assortment of individuals from countless planets and the warring gangs that divvy up the territory within. It's the perfect place for those looking to disappear in the crowd.

Someone of his kind was not safe here, despite the number of different individuals that inhabited the artificially illuminated settlement. The Sentinel had taken the chance to explore during his time on the Godless Matron and Chute Town had been the first place he had ended up. There was a good reason for the Consul to be present on the elderly vessel, for he seeked an audience with the Herald, who would be able to provide the Entar with a way to approach the current Grand Master, Darth Pravus.

Making the approach without speaking to the Herald first would have been unwise, as one was never sure as to the response one would receive from the incumbent Grand Master. At least with the Herald’s knowledge and support, Sanguinius would be more likely to survive any such encounter, especially after the little betrayal at Nancora, that saw the Iron Throne trick the Clans into dashing their fleets against The Collective.

Sanguinius’ journey was one of supplication. Naga Sadow had spent too much time away from the Iron Throne and a lack of clear support from Sanguinius had put a mark on his head that he wished to be rid of. A show of kneeling before Pravus and repledging Naga Sadow’s loyalty would keep him and his clanmates safe from the machiavellian ways of the Grand Master.

While Morgan was not currently able to receive the Entar’s audience, he had decided to tour the Lucrehulk that housed the pirate’s domain and see just how much influence she had on the scum that resided within, that and see if there were any cool weapons to look at.

The aptly named “Murder alley” had made the Sadowan chuckle wryly to himself when he had discovered the nickname, his self-deprecating sense of humour would have preferred something a bit more ironic however. Sanguinius ran his eyes over a selection of blasters that would have made some of his fellow Sadowans jealous. The Entar would have to bring Kojiro and DarkHawk here one day, as the two would enjoy the number and variety of weapons on sale.

While his robes enclosed his form, Sanguinius wore Jedi General armour under his robes, that would instantly mark him out as different to everyone around him and potentially a Force User to those who would recognise the armour, especially if they had access to the records made public by the New Republic when they had retaken control of the Galaxy, or had seen one of the many Lotus sympathisers that had plagued the Brotherhood these past few months.

Sang was wise enough to keep his armour hidden away from prying eyes, yet his presence in the Force was harder to hide, especially if people were talking to him. He tried to ignore the traders when they attempted to haggle prices, but a particularly irraciscable trader refused to take no for an answer, causing a momentary lapse in the Augur’s concentration. Those few seconds were all it took for one person to take notice.

The Sadowan had made many enemies during his time in the Brotherhood, though none of them were as vicious as former friends turned enemies. Those who had served with Sanguinius in Arcona when he had been there in the past were some of the most fervent enemies. However, this one was one like he, a former Arconan, scorned by his past Clan and one scorned by the Entar. This enemy was a vicious one, who would most likely refuse any other ending to their meeting than the Consul’s death.

Sanguinius was none the wiser though, as he managed to extricate himself from the aggressive trader and hurriedly made his way further through “Murder alley”. His hunter followed him slowly, gathering the Force to reach out and start weaving a web of lies.

Sights, sounds and smells continued to assail the Augur as he slowed down to a slow walk once again to enjoy his surroundings, pleased to be away from his duties for however short a period this would be. Leadership often came with a price, duty to one’s position often meant loneliness and a lack of free time to do as you pleased. It was almost a vacation to the Sadowan.

Sang struck up a conversation with one of the traders, interested in finding out more about one of the hold out blasters on display. The weapon would make a fine gift for his Proconsul, Bentre, upon his return to Sepros.

The Equite didn’t quite understand why he was getting strange looks from people passing by, though he wondered if his robes were open and showing off his armour. He looked down to check and saw that he was fine before returning his gaze to the trader he had been chatting with to see the trader gone and that he was talking to a statue outside of a shop.

His mind instantly sprung to the conclusion to expect danger and Sanguinius reached out wildly with the Force, seeking the one who had tricked him. The Entar half whirled to his right and managed to get his hand in the way of the blade that aimed to stick him like a pig. He slapped the blade aside with his open palm and sidestepped the blow. Reflexes took over as he followed up with an opened handed strike to his attacker’s face with his opposite hand.

The attacker stumbled backwards, recoiling from the strike as Sanguinius attempted to follow up the strike to the face with a disarm of the blade. The Entar knew full well that any use of his lightsaber would see the full force of the crew on the Godless Matron come down on him, as Morgan forbade violence on her ship.

The pained grimace on the face of his assailant drove Sanguinius to despaired realisation as he recognised the attacker. Feth, Andrelious. He couldn’t get out of this with a few words, Sanguinius knew that the Warlord would want nothing more than to gut him and leave him on the floor, bleeding out.

Still, he could but try.

“Hi, Andrelious...I see you, uhhh, want to stab me?” Sanguinius uttered as the Warlord struggled back against him. “Could you maybe...not do that?”

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 February, 2018 2:59 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Setup a believable reason for combat. Established a background between the characters. Used your environments.

Can Be Improved


Focus, tighten up. A lot of what you did leading up to the combat felt like a scattered collection of thoughts that you put into random order. Also, the Illusion use vs your Resolve and Perception (and Always Prepared aspect) wasn’t really that believable of an interaction.

Proofing! Or at least reading some of your longer bits aloud, you had a lot of run-on sentences.

“You know me better than that. When have I ever backed down? Especially against someone who is so happy to honour the Jedi? Would you have supported them taking my children from me?” Andrelious hissed.

The Seeker hadn’t seen his former Quaestor since the latter had forsaken the Shadow Clan for Odan-Urr a few years before. His own mission, a personal favour for Rian Taldrya, had been to disrupt the meeting between Morgan and the Consul of Naga Sadow. Andrelious was now suspecting that he was now face to face with the current holder of that office.

“I am no Jedi. Just because I have embraced elements of the light doesn’t mean I ignore the dark,” Sanguinius replied coolly.

“You’ve already tried to talk your way out. That’s Jedi enough for me,” the Taldryanite snapped.

“You’re going to get yourself in trouble for these assumptions, one day. Assume and you make an ass out of you and me,” the Entar answered, remaining calm even as he sensed Andrelious’ anger growing.

The Taldryanite tossed his blade to the ground, assaulting the Consul with a wave of lightning that sparked directly from the tips of his outstretched fingers. Sanguinius, already half-expecting the attack from his former ally, raised his hands to deflect the electric hatred, gritting his teeth as the lightning crackled against his determined defence and away into a nearby astromech that was unfortunate enough to have come too close. The droid screamed as its circuitry fried.

“Now you’ve gone and broken somebody’s droid!” Sang teased.

Andrelious let fly with another wave of lightning, but the Consul remained entirely focused on protecting himself, again deflecting the attack away with apparent ease.

The Sith’s show of force, combined with the destruction of property, started to attract the attention of several of the locals. They began to arm themselves with blasters, vibro-blades and swords. In turn, members of Morgan’s crew started to move out of the shadows, hoping to squash the situation even before it could start.

“You! Stop that at once!” a crew member cried out.

“I suspect that this man has connections with the Jedi sect calling itself Odan-Urr. They are enemies of yours,” Andrelious shouted back, though he wasn’t entirely sure if the Godless Matron was even officially a Brotherhood ship.

“For your own good, stay back. I know what he’s capable of!” the Sadowan warned.

“So typical of you to care about the others,” the Sith sneered. “That was always your problem!”

“And your problem has always been that you’re willing to throw lives away,” Sanguinius answered.

One of the arms dealers took a pot shot at Andrelious, but his aim was poor and the blaster bolt missed by several feet. A member of the crew moved across to prevent him from firing again, causing several of the other locals to turn away from the stand-off between the two Force users.

“Looks like things are heating up around here. Just like old times. Except there’s no psychotic Zabraks or egotastic Mandalorians about,” Andrelious commented. “And none of your precious Black Guard to save you,”

Sang activated his lightsaber. “I don’t need the Black Guard. You know I can fight. When I have to,”

Andrelious needed no further invitation. Arming himself with his silver hilted lightsaber, the Sith charged straight for the Entar, his crimson blade a perfect reflection of the anger he felt towards his former ally.

“Your kind will never infect this Brotherhood!” Mimosa-Inahj snarled.

As the Naga Sadow Consul defended himself from the initial attack with a smooth defensive movement of his own lightsaber, the situation around the duelling pair ignited.

The area was now a war zone.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 February, 2018 3:01 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Lots of action. Some banter.

Can Be Improved


Had a couple of misplaced, missing, or extra commas as well as a run on.
Force usage, or at least demonstrating it. In your attack with Force Lightning, Sang is ‘deflecting and defending himself from it. How? There’s some inference of what he’s doing (barrier, we’re assuming due to deflection being related to Bounce It), but as it reads is that Sang is using his bare hands to stop the lightning, with nothing to suggest an active power is in use.

Also, a clear lack of reasoning for why Sang decided to pull his lightsaber, after clear cause in his opening post as to why he would not do this. Your post clearly outlines enemies attacking Andrelious, but not presenting a threat to Sang, who seems to be having no issue dealing with the Lightning attacks. If perhaps, Andrelious had pulled his saber first, this would have made sense.

The strikes came quick and fast, low, probing his defence. Sanguinius was instantly on the defensive, parrying the blows, turning them aside as the crimson blade kept on coming for him.

Andrelious had always been a firebrand, mused the Entar, when they had once been friends, he had constantly tried to temper the Warlord’s temper, to no avail. Now, Sanguinius had no choice but to retreat in the face of the assault. While the Sadowan was a master of the defensive form, having trained with other masters in the Brotherhood, he had no wish to keep this a stand up fight. They were surrounded by cutthroats and mercenaries who would have no compunction to avoid shooting the pair of them simply for waving their lightsabers around.

Jerky, heavy breaths punctuated the blows from Andrelious, the Taldryan’s anger showing itself as he took great relish in trying to slaughter the Jedi.

“You know, I left Odan-Urr a long time ago, old friend.” Sanguinius jeered, “that little nugget of information must have passed you by.”

“Once a Jedi, always a Jedi, you filth.” the Sith roared back, redoubling his efforts.

Sanguinius stopped his backstepping, pivoting around a table laden with weapons. His quick mind seized upon a course of action. Reaching out with his consciousness, he grasped the table with his mind, straining slightly as he did and hurled it at his foe.

The Seeker lashed out with his crimson saber, slicing through the wood. While the table split, it still collided with the Rollmaster. Yet Andrelious shouldered it aside, relying on his bulk and momentum to ride it out. The blow still slowed the Sith long enough for Sanguinius to disengage from the fight.

“Enough, Andrelious. I’m here to meet with the Herald. Don’t get in my way.” despite the situation, the Entar didn’t really want to fight.

A barrage of lightning arched through the air towards the Augur in response. The swiftness of the attack caught Sanguinius by surprise who met the lightning with his lightsaber, the malodorous colouring of the lightning seemed wrong and repellant to the eyes. The electricity coursed into the blade, the plasma of the lightsaber taking the energy into it.

Andrelious continued to hurl lightning at the Sadowan, roaring in anger, his mind on past slights and betrayals by the Sentinel. “GO TO HELL!” he bellowed.

“As you wish,” Sanguinius muttered in response, gritting his teeth as he strengthened his pose leaning into the lightning arc.

The fight had lasted less than 15 seconds, long enough for the onlookers to respond to the brawl occurring. Some scarpered, others retreated far enough before weighing their options. Not all of them were so bright however. An unfortunate few were dumb enough to start shooting at the pair.

Sanguinius swore in pain as a blaster bolt clipped his head, searing through his right ear. The bolt was enough to turn his attention away from Warlord, who took advantage and lanced another arc of torrid lightning at the Jedi.

The Augur threw himself aside, but some stray arcs caught him, sending him skittering away to convulse as his muscles rebelled at the touch, his nerves firing randomly. Sanguinius let out a scream of agony, his face in rictus.

Andrelious was unable to follow up the attack as the blaster bolts were redirected at the rather angry Sith in their midst. The crimson blade carved through the air, batting bolts out of the sky. However, the Rollmaster was no Obi-Wan Kenobi and he was forced to retreat, as the multi-coloured plasma bolts seared the space around him.

Sanguinius gritted his teeth as his mind dove into the wellspring of calm within him, drawing upon the Force to control the spasms. He would not die here, it was not yet his time, he still had much to do. Naga Sadow still had to survive, Sanguinius had to bend the knee to Pravus before he died in order to save his fellow Sadowans.

Pushing himself up off the ground, he raised his hands in supplication, hoping that the pirates would be merciful. “I’m a guest of Morgan Soren!” he shouted, aware that the Herald’s name was his best chance of getting out of here alive.

“Don’t listen to him!” shouted Andrelious, “He’s a damn traitor!”

Sanguinius chortled to himself, “If I’m a traitor, what are you, old friend?”

He was still chuckling to himself as a stun bolt hit him, sending the Jedi to the floor.

The Entar heard the words faintly as he slipped into unconsciousness. “You heard the Jedi, he’s my guest.”

Laughter erupted as the assembled pirates and other ill-sorts responded to the Captain’s retort. “You, on the other hand...” the Herald looked at the Warlord. “You’re trespassing.”

Andrelious bared his teeth in response, annoyed that he had been denied his prey. “This doesn’t end here, Soren.” he spat, the bile impacting on the filthy ground.

“I say it does, now run along little Taldryan, you’re not welcome here.” Morgan stood there with her arms crossed in a forbidding manner.

The Sith deactivated his lightsaber and stalked away, muttering. The Jedi might have gotten away for now, but he could wait. He would be patient and strike again. Sanguinius might have escaped his doom, but Andrelious would have his reckoning and no one would be there to interfere. That was certain.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 February, 2018 3:02 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Again, plenty of action, some amusing banter

Can Be Improved


Hoo boy. Okay. So, one of the big things you did here was NPC’s interfering and ending the match. This is a huge Story no-no in the ACC. The match is between you and your opponent while in the Duelist Hall. This hurt your Story enough to set you back to base at the least.

Also, Sorenn has two n’s, man :P

“Seems things have become rather crazy around us. Perhaps we should adjourn for now?” Sanguinius questioned.

Andrelious didn’t answer. He continued to attack the Sadowan, probing for an opening. Each slash of the Sith’s lightsaber asked a slightly different question of the Entar’s own bladesmanship, but he had an answer for everything, appearing quite happy to remain on the defensive and bide his time rather than risk a rash counter-attack.

“Tiring yourself out? Whatever’s Kooki going to do tonight?” the Defender teased, parrying another furious attack away with an apparent ease that served to further annoy the Taldryanite.

“At least I know what to do with a woman!” Andrelious snapped back.

Things continued to get more violent around the duelling pair, but, other than for the occasional stray fire from a blaster or slugthrower, they were largely left to their own fight. Sang did consider using the chaos to slip away into the crowd, but he knew his former clanmate too well. Andrelious was not going to allow him to escape without some kind of forceful solution.

Mimosa-Inahj attacked upwards, trying to behead the Consul, but again found nothing other than his opponent’s stubborn defence. He followed up with a much lower slash aimed to remove a leg or two, but Sang, still appearing completely unbothered by the situation, was already in position to block the attack.

Frustration was starting to take over in Andrelious. His next attack was haphazard by his standards, and a more aggressive opponent than Sanguinius might have turned the tables, but the Sadowan, parrying with ease, appeared to be focusing on something else instead.

“I have grown tired of this. It is time for you to die, Entar!” the Sith roared, his left hand moving from his lightsaber hilt. He delved deep into the Force, allowing the swirling maelstrom of negative emotions within to take over. His fingers started to spark, but, to the Seeker’s horror, they did not generate the usual wave of lightning.

“You’re so focused on how to kill with the Force that you don’t realise how it’s much easier just to save lives,” Sanguinius explained.

“Very well. You might be able to neutralise my lightning, but no amount of sanctimonious Jedi tricks will save you from the blade of my lightsaber!” Andrelious hissed, lunging forwards. The Defender immediately blocked the attack, once again fully immersed in securing his own survival.

This one just doesn’t get tired! Andrelious thought, as the first signs of his own fatigue started to show. He tried his best to ignore the fact that his arms felt a little heavier than usual, even whilst still unable to find the breakthrough that was proving so elusive.

Snarling, the Sith attacked again, finally evading his rival’s defensive movement. Sang, stepping back as if he’d planned the move that way, not only managed to completely avoid the swinging crimson blade, but finally mounted a counter-attack, catching Andrelious completely by surprise. The Taldryanite roared with pain as his opponent’s weapon nicked his arm, forcing him to drop his lightsaber.

Before Mimosa-Inahj had a chance to recover, Sanguinius pointed his lightsaber blade directly at the Seeker’s throat.

“I think I have you beaten,” he said coolly.

Andrelious’ eyes took in the continuing chaos in the area.

“You’re a fool, Sanguinius. Even if I do accept your victory, neither of us will get out of here,” the Sith responded.

“They’re too wrapped up in trying to kill each other to care about us. Our little scuffle was just the spark this place didn’t need,” Sang stated ruefully.

“And what exactly are you going to do me? I know you too well. You’d never risk the political fallout,” Andrelious replied.

The Sadowan nodded. “And I know you too well. You’ll kill me as soon as I turn my back, political fallout or not. I’m going to escort you to the hangar. Then you’re going to go back to Kooki and your children. And stay in front of me!” the Consul commanded, summoning Andrelious’ discarded lightsaber with the Force.

Held at lightsaber point, there was little that the Taldryanite could do, other than comply with the Entar’s demands. For now, Sanguinius was victorious, and Andrelious’ pride had taken a large dent.

This isn’t over, the Rollmaster thought, managing a wry smile as he began to plot his revenge.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 February, 2018 3:26 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Interesting display of the difference in abilities when it comes to dueling, not taking into account JUST the relative form skill levels, but Athletics, Precog, etc.

Can Be Improved


Undersold your fatigue, or ended your post prematurely. Andrelious goes from full murder boner to surrendering after a single wound, still has a saber on his person and is familiar enough with Suppression to know its a temporary status. Would have been nice to play on his exhaustion or something, right now it feels open-ended, lacking a conclusion.