Acolyte Iios Singuard vs. Knight Areticus Altainatus

Acolyte Iios Singuard

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Chiss, Force Disciple, Shadow
vs.

Knight Areticus Altainatus

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Human, Sith, Marauder
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC! For a master-student match taking place in the combat center you both did a very good job keeping things interesting for the reader.

One major comment I have for both of you is use the venue more! Iios brought the venue into his final post but for the most part your match could have taken place in a featureless white room. You both had excellent descriptions of the combat and character actions so it was disappointing to not have the tiny details that would have completed the picture in the readers mind. It wasn't until the fourth of four total posts that the reader was reminded where this was taking place. Using the venue is a major factor in determining story score in the ACC rubric so bear that in mind for future matches. Don't be afraid to add third parties or even something like a cleaning droid just to remind the audience that there is a larger world that this fight is taking place in. I know the ACC Center is a challenging venue in this regard but even there you have options to help set the scene.

Iios, I really enjoyed your ending post. The introspection on the Force in your first post wasn't bad per se, but it did hurt the pacing and flow of the match. If your first post had been more like your second you might have moved into a 4 territory for story. I didn't mark you down for realism but your final post came very very close in how you handled both characters being exhausted. Be mindful of how you handle that in the future. Your transition into your final post was also jarring enough that it became a continuity error so watch how you transition from one post to another and make the passage of time very clear for the reader. Your combat writing was impressive, especially for a newer journeyman. I would love to see more matches from you in near future.

Areticus, you stuck a little too close to the master teaching student a lesson theme in your opening post and it came off as one-sided. You recovered in your second post but one key point to remember in future matches is dramatic tension. Even if there is a power disparity between the combatants or a master-student relationship you still have to build that tension with the reader as you go through the fight. If it looks like one party is toying with the other and completely in control of the situation it's not as exciting for the reader as it becomes very predictable. Every character has strengths and weaknesses so as you write posts look for ways for your opponent's character to gain an advantage or get a few successes of their own in. That's something you have to be intentional about as the natural tendency is to make your character always succeed at their actions. I'm not saying you godmoded, but your first post could have used more of a back and forth / unpredictability element to it. I won't belabor the point about using the venue but that was your Achilles heel in this match. Your combat descriptions were nothing short of poetry to read and if you can bring in the venue and some story elements up to that level then you're be a championship contender. The one thing I will say about your combat description is you tended to over-rely on fencing terms, especially in your first post. Myself and another judge literally had to stop reading and look up a term because we didn't know it and it wasn't clear from the context. Remember, show, don't tell. Take a little extra time to cribbed the action in plainer language than just naming a maneuver and moving on.

There must be a winner and while from my scores it seems like continuity decided this match Areticus also had an edge in syntax and realism that would have tilted things in his favor had the scores been tied. I look forward to seeing more matches from both of you. Areticus is the winner

Hall Duelist Hall
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Acolyte Iios Singuard, Knight Areticus Altainatus
Winner Knight Areticus Altainatus
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Lightsabers Only
Acolyte Iios Singuard's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Areticus Altainatus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Arx: Combat Training Center
Last Post 13 February, 2018 2:54 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Syntax - 15%
Creon Neverse Iios Singuard
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: You had a spacing error and a few typos that put the wrong word in the sentence and it threw me out of the reading experience. Rationale: You had enough typos and syntax errors that it did distract in some places. Watch your capitalization and stay consistent.
Story - 40%
Creon Neverse Iios Singuard
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Your first post was a bit one-sided in the combat but you recovered nicely in your second post by having your opponent score a few successes. Your story was fairly straightforward, but your biggest flaw was not using the venue at all in either post (which but for your superb description of combat would have landed you a 2). Rationale: Your first post was a bit of a slowdown in the action department and didn't really do much with the premise your opponent gave you. Your final post gave a satisfying ending, used the venue and felt more like an exciting back and forth. Your first post is what held you back from a 4.
Realism - 25%
Creon Neverse Iios Singuard
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: No issues that rose to the level of error but see my comments to your final post.
Continuity - 20%
Creon Neverse Iios Singuard
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: Your final post was jarring in how it transitioned from your opponent's post to yours. See my comment to that post.
Creon Neverse's Score: 3.9 Iios Singuard's Score: 3.7
Posts

Combat Training Center

Two towering, tinted, transparisteel doors slide open to grant you access to the central chamber of the Combat Training Halls. The main room is wide and open and as large as as a holoball field. Tall walls stretch towards a domed ceiling that is made up of rows of ambient lights that spread out and fill the room with soft even lighting that eliminates any shades or shadows. Those same walls are lined around the perimeter with racks and stacks of varied weaponry: everything from swords and polearms to rifles and flamethrowers.

There are two signs that hover over each weapon rack to create an alternating motif in the Combat Training Hall: “No Explosions” and “Accorded Neutral Territory”. While the first is fairly obvious, the second speaks to the single law of the Training Halls: all members of the Brotherhood are welcome, and no member is to be killed or maimed without incurring the wrath of the Grand Master and the Inquisitorius.

Combat Training Center

A trio of training dummies are statically set up and spread out in a line, each made out of a blend of alloys and padding that can withstand blows from any standard weaponry with the exception of lightsaber blades. To the side of the dummies, a large sparring mat has been stretched out to create a larger footprint than the typical shockboxing ring. The padding is good for helping teach new combat students how to take a fall without injury and offers firm footing, but the hard rubber mat is hardly forgiving.

Behind the sparring area is a door that leads to a small archives that combat students can use to view holorecordings of fights and duels from the past as well as relevant information on combat tactics, techniques, and forms. On the opposite side of the archives at the far end of central room is the locker room that members can safely store their equipment.

The final and probably most important element of the Combat Training Hall is the onsite Med Ward. The maglock door is sealed off and can only be opened by an attending Medic. The Medical facilities feature state of the art bacta tanks for recovery and aftercare. A combination of observation and waiting room rests adjacent to the recovery center and features two large monitors that display a live feed of the central room.

The Combat Halls are staffed around the clock, allowing combat students and mentors alike to come and go as they please at odd or regular hours. It also reserved for members looking to prove their worth to compete in the Antei Combat Center.

[Venue Note: Weapons incorporated into your match are allowed to be used, even if not listed on your Weapon Load Out for the match itself. Skill usage and all other ACC rules and guidelines still applies.]

"Ack!" Iios yelped after he had dropped the deactivated lightsaber. He shook his wrist at first, but his focus shifted to the end of a red blade that reached for his throat. Iios hopped back to avoid it but was met with his feet thrown from underneath him by his master. He rolled to the side to avoid a slash that came his way and scurried to recover his disarmed lightsaber. Areticus allowed it and stood still in observation of Iios' transition into a basic defensive stance and reactivated blade.

"Are you certain you don't wish to use a blaster?" Areticus asked.

"Is this not the weapon of the Sith?" Iios replied.

"Technically no, but that all depends on which era you are referring to."

Areticus advanced and took a long step into a feigning lunge. Iios responded to swing it away, but Areticus loosened the wrist to lower his blade, only to snap it back up and complete his lunge into Iios' stomach. The impact caused the Chiss to grunt at the irritation that the training lightsaber inflicted. Areticus followed with a counterclockwise fan of his saber that ended in a slap on the back of Iios' neck.

"Ugh," Iios grunted with a step back, "Can you at least teach me some of the forms you've learned under Makashi?"

"No," Areticus said with an unamused tone.

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't suit you. I will guide you, but the steps you take towards greatness are your own. Do not forgo your skills with other weapons, blasters included. In fact, many Force users utilize blasters to enhance their aim. Had these been real sabers you wouldn't survive, let alone feel minor irritation."

"We'll what's why we are using them, so I can learn, right?" Iios asked.

"Not quite," Areticus quipped, "You are here to learn a lesson, but not necessarily in lightsaber combat." He then took his en garde stance with the training saber pointed at the ready for his opponent.

The apprentice charged forward with a downward strike, and the master avoided it with a step to the side and lunged again to hit him. Iios winced but didn't hesitate in his horizontal swing back at Areticus. The Knight caught the attack and flicked his wrist to where the end of his blade slashed at Iios' wrist, which had disarmed him once again. Without offering the opportunity to recover, Areticus deactivated and threw aside the training saber and took a left jab at the Chiss' right temple. Iios jerked left his arm to his head to block the strike and immediately raised his leg to avoid Areticus' attempted knee strike to the abdomen. Areticus connected his right hand to his opponent's raised left wrist, pulled it down, and decked him in the cheek with his free hand. The hit didn't disorient the young Acolyte, but he knew he was going to have a headache the next day. Areticus forced his right arm in Iios' left armpit and grasped the crease between his own left bicep and forearm.The human kept his left palm over the Chiss' face after the face strike and pressed back. The combination of the hold with a turn of his hips threw the apprentice to the ground.

Another strike from Areticus was about to head straight for Iios' face but was stopped short,"Be wary that an opponent can change their choice in fighting during the heat of battle. You must learn to do the same. This goes along with the powers of the Dark Side you will grow into as well, which is the next lesson I have for you..."

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 17 February, 2018 3:23 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

This post was well-paced and the combat was clearly described. You also used dialogue well, integrated with the action, to help drive the master-student dynamic of the conflict. You gave the reader everything they needed to understand what was going on without sacrificing the flow of the action. Overall a solid opening post that was both enjoyable and easy to read.


Can Be Improved

the crease between his own left bicep and forearm.The human kept his left

Just a minor typo.

Another strike from Areticus was about to head straight for Iios' face but was stopped short,"Be wary that an opponent can change their choice in fighting during the heat of battle.

Your biggest point of improvement in this post goes to story. This post was a little one-sided in that Iios does not find much success in combat throughout the entire post. I know you are setting up a master-student story, but a one sided story where the master is completely in control of the situation and throwing his apprentice around does not make for an interesting read, or at least not as interesting as it could be. You had a perfect opportunity to throw the reader a curve-ball when they switched to martial arts as that is a level playing field. Both characters have +2 in Mandalorian Core. That was a good chance to have Iios get a surprise hit in on Areticus.

"First, you must feel the force. Even before our visit to Dagobah, you subconsciously used the Force to fuel you actions. Your steady aim, your quick reflexes, your ability to find prey as if you knew where they were before you even saw them. Practice made these abilities good, but the Force guided you into making these skills great. Now close you eyes and reach out to the Force."

Iios picked himself up and turned to face the Sith Knight. His pride boiled in him, kept in check only by the logical part of him that kept telling him, "This will make you stronger" Iios closed his eyes and imagined his mind pulling on an intangible energy. When nothing happened, he focused on the image hard enough to cause the blue skin on his forehead to turn purple. A swift kick to the back of Iios' toe brought him out of his stupor and back to facing the ceiling.

"No, no, no. You can't think the Force into working for you. Take a moment and hypothesize. What are both Sith and Jedi known for?" Areticus asked, sounding annoyed.

Iios thought for a second and struck his face with his palm before stating, "Emotions. Release and control of emotions respectively."

"You are only half right. Sith do not release their emotions like a child having a tantrum, we harness it and use it to fuel our actions. In fact it should be stated that Sith control their emotions far more than any Jedi could. They were afraid of the power emotions bring and thus trained themselves to suppress them. Now, try again"

Iios sat up and closed his eyes once more. This time he let some of his boiling anger and pride loose and let it dip into his thoughts. He felt something else while he held this balance of control and release. Something that had always been there, but Iios was too blind to see it before. It was everywhere at once and Iios felt that, even with his eyes closed, he saw more than he ever could before. Iios instinctively raised his lightsaber in a horizontal block and felt impact. He opened his eyes as Areticus drew back his lightsaber from his repelled downward swing. Iios stood up and let out a short laugh, "Amazing!"

"I figured you for having a knack for precognition. Your reflexes are unnaturally fast, but lets see if they are fast enough for this." Areticus raced toward Iios with inhuman speed and hammered at his defenses using only the most basic lightsaber forms. Iios held the attack off for a few moments due to his familiarity with the form and his new awareness, but was disarmed instantly once Areticus used a simple feint and slash on Iios's wrist.

"That Makashi form is sneaky, like a cobra's strike. How am I to counter something like that with only Banlanth?"

"You still aren't using the Dark Side to its full potential," Areticus sighed and gestured for Iios to pick up his blade, "If you did, you form would matter little compared to everything else you would be capable of. I believe that it is past time that you got to see a true display of power."

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 17 February, 2018 5:32 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

You really took the master-student theme established in the first post and deepened it. I liked how this post highlighted the characters, their relationship and Iios' explorations into the Force.


Can Be Improved

You had several syntax errors that could have been caught with some further proofing.

This post was a little light on action/combat, at 540 words you had some room to expand the post some and mix in some combat into the introspection.

After Iios had brought his lightsaber up again at the ready, Areticus advanced with light strikes on opposite ends of his opponent's blade. At first, the apprentice listened to his instincts to block Areticus' attacks but brought about a hasty reaction from the Knight's sudden aggression. Areticus ducked under the horizontal swing and produced an illusionary after image staying in range of the strike. From there he placed his free hand on the ground for support and balance and performed a passata sotto that approached Iios' ribcage. The Chiss thought his attack had given success until the illusion faded, but adhered to his intuition from the Force by turning away from his master's counter-attack. Areticus, in turn, rolled away from Iios and left another after image in his place. Iios brought his blade to swing, but hesitated and watched his true master recover. Areticus approached again and sent an image forward to lunge whilst he took a side step with an attempted tap to the thigh, but something felt off this time in the back of his mind. To the illusionist's surprise, Iios' completely disregarded the projection and gave a downward arc to the real Areticus. Areticus was able to parry at the last second, however, his form was sloppy in doing so. This denied any effort to attempt an immediate riposte. Instead, Areticus simply retreated with a step back and fell into his en garde stance once again.

Iios grinned at the sight of his master's face; Areticus was impressed. He knew his master favored in using the Force to trick the senses, but Iios was able to feel his opponent's deceptive intent during his last illusion and ignore it. It also helped that Areticus was using the same tricks over and over, which allowed the young Acolyte to catch on to his strategy. Although his master was more skilled in saber combat, relying on the Force to guide the Acolyte opened up a more even playing field against Areticus. This bolstered Iios' confidence, and Areticus knew it.

Good, Areticus thought, He's learning to read me whilst adhering to the warnings of his subconscious. Time for a change of strategy. With a slow inhale and even slower exhale, Areticus drew upon the force and directed it to his legs. He shifted the weight to his back foot, pushed forward, and advanced in a blazing dash at Iios.

It wasn't an illusion this time! Iios brought his blade down to try and block, but his opponent was too fast. The end of the training saber connected to the side of the hip and traveled along the waist. As Iios' finished his failed block, Areticus reared his right arm back and performed a jumping lunge that connected to the Chiss' sternum. From a lash of anger from the pain and panic, Iios threw his free hand out to Areticus as he landed and threw him away with the Force. Areticus did not travel too far but fell into a tumble that added more distance between the two.

"Woah! What was that?!" Iios' asked as he held his free hand to his chest in pain.

Areticus groaned but picked himself up into an upright posture, "I utilized the Force to reinforce my speed. You seemed to have adapted to my illusionary technique, but now you must acclimate yourself to a higher intensity of physical prowess. If an opponent feels as though their tactics aren't good enough, they will change them right in the middle of a duel. You must be able to adapt to these shifts and find your opportunity to take a chance at victory when it's presented. This is where my lesson for you comes into full throttle, Iios. I will now come at you with a mixture of styles. I could simply rely on my skills with the saber, hand to hand, illusions, or amplification. Maintain your focus, and listen to that voice inside you. Be wary and adaptive to all of these strategies, and you just might be able to hit me for once."

Iios took his training saber with both hands in a careful upright stance. His grip tightened with the grip of his teeth and put all of his energy into his focus. With a deep inhale through the nostril, and exhale through the mouth, he said to Areticus in a low and quiet tone, "I'm ready."

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 17 February, 2018 5:52 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Overall this post did everything a 3rd post in a singular ending match is supposed to do: you kept the action going, heightened the conflict between the characters and more importantly you did some new things. You also had Iios get a surprise in on Areticus which was sorely needed. By far the best part of this post was your masterful use of language to paint a vivid picture of the combat in the reader's mind.


Can Be Improved

The biggest fault I see in this post is really applicable to both your posts in that you do not use the venue at all. It's particularly noticeable here as you so vividly describe the combat and what the characters are doing but do not devote anything to setting the scene for the reader. I know the Combat Center isn't the most lively venue but little details like the mats, the lights, the sound of the air system, or anything really would have helped make the scene feel more alive and not like the fight was taking place in the plain white room from the Matrix movies.

Sweat dripped off of Iios as he continued to parry and dodge Areticus's attacks. The movements themselves were not especially tiring for the Chiss, but his experience with using the Force was fresh and Iios had trouble maintaining the delicate balance between keeping a clear head and maintaining a flow of pride and anger to fuel his powers. To make matters worse, every time that Iios learned to adapt to Areticus's current form of attack it would change again, leaving Iios no chance to go on the offensive. Iios knew that he would have to develop some sort of strategy if he were to gain any sort of forward momentum. Iios took a quick look at his environment. The majority of the training ground was flat, save for a few weapons racks and training dummies. Iios rolled to the side as Areticus started another Force-enhanced attack and raised his hand toward the weapons rack. The rack lifted and began rushing toward the Sith knight, who quickly moved to the side, dodging the rack by mere inches and brought his training saber to bear as Iios's own saber slashed toward The Knight's abdomen. The Chiss brought his knee up into Areticus's midsection and met with more impact than he anticipated and the Sith knight held Iios's knee to keep him off balance.

"I see that you have trained in Mandalorian Core as well," The knight said, "so you should already know that a true practitioner always braces their core for impact."

A smile came to the Chiss's face as he released his own right hand from his saber, grabbed Areticus by the neck, and began to fall backwards while maneuvering his free leg as close as he could get it toward the human's braced core. The impact of Iios body as he hit the floor, along with the weight of Areticus, knocked the wind from Iios, but Iios was too invested in this move to let that stop him. He pushed Areticus up with his left leg while extending his right leg to lessen the grip that Areticus had on it. Momentum did the rest as Areticus was thrown about 5 meters and lessened his impact with a somersault. Master and student rose slowly, both thoroughly exhausted.

Iios started laughing, "You know, it's funny. Were this a real battle I would have been killed several times over and I would never have been able to see this image."

Areticus's eyebrow raised, "What image?"

"Areticus sweating." Iios let out another chuckle before he readied his training saber again. Multiple images of Areticus showed up around Iios and started moving amongst themselves, making it impossible to follow the original by sight alone. All five images then took positions around Iios in a five-meter diameter circle and started walking toward the lone Chiss. Iios quickly formed the Force around him into a four-meter diameter black sphere in which no light could pierce, negating Areticus's advantage. Areticus quickly dispersed his images and shifted his focus toward sensing the Chiss in his bubble. Within a single moment, the knight located him and slashed toward his head. The dark bubble dispersed as Iios fell to the ground unconscious from the massive impact to his temple. Areticus shut off his training saber and crouched down to look at his unconscious student.

"I challenged you to hit me at least once during this training session," he shook his head and looked to his bruised ribs and sore abdomen, "and you got me twice. I sure know how to pick them."

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 17 February, 2018 10:17 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Iios took a quick look at his environment. The majority of the training ground was flat, save for a few weapons racks and training dummies.

I love how you used the environment in this post! It was something that was sorely needed in the other three posts.

Another thing you did well in this post was make the match feel like more of a traditional back and forth between the combatants. It felt like a real fight and not as predictable as the core master training student scenario lent itself to. You also ended the story on a note of mutual respect between the characters which was a nice resolution.


Can Be Improved

Iios's own saber slashed toward The Knight's abdomen

Watch your capitalization. You had Knight and knight in the same post.

Sweat dripped off of Iios as he continued to parry and dodge Areticus's attacks.

It's jarring to go from how the last post ended to this one. Areticus was not attacking at the end of the last post and your use of "continued to" implies it was ongoing. This goes to continuity.