Lieutenant Colonel Len Iode vs. Warrior Lucine Vasano

Lieutenant Colonel Len Iode

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Chiss, Loyalist, Weapons Specialist, Sentinel
vs.

Warrior Lucine Vasano

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Sith, Seeker
Comment

A great match between the two of you, and a pleasure to read as always. There was a lot of great potential in this match, as you're both very skilled combatants in very different ways. It was fun throughout the match to watch as Lucine's more mental based skills matched up with Len's more traditionally combat focused abilities.

The texts were in general very clean on both sides, but Len's opening post had a number of notable errors. These cleared up in the second post from him but were enough to cost him points. Lucine meanwhile maintained an excellent standard of proofing, with only some minor errors that I was able to find, giving her the edge in this category.

In terms of story I felt as though both of you started out rather slowly, before beginning to hit your stride. Len's opening post didn't really grab my attention, and the mistaken identity conceit didn't feel unique enough to really strike me or get me interested. However, his second post was very well written and excited once the conflict had already gotten started, managing to draw me back into the narrative. What kept the score at a more average level, however, was the lack of conflict between the combatants in Len's final post. The appearance of an outside NPC does not change the principle that a conflict in the Duelist Hall is supposed to be between the two assigned combatants, not an outside character.

Lucine's, meanwhile, starts out a bit stronger with some interesting combat and dialogue the two combatants. This would only get better in the second pace, where she maintains and ramps up the tension before coming to a very satisfying conclusion. Normally I'd award a higher score here, but the inclusion of an outside NPC into the fight brought the score down significantly. In the Duelist Hall a match is supposed to be between the two assigned combatants. Having an NPC show up and interfere really messes with the spirit of the competition, bringing her score down more evenly with Len's.

All this being said, the scores were almost neck-and-neck in this match, with Lucine maintaining a small lead in Syntax. However, in the end, the scores were convincingly settled based on a realism mistake early on in Len's first post. This slight misstep was enough for Lucine to widen her lead and clinch the win.

The winner is Lucine Vasano

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Lieutenant Colonel Len Iode, Warrior Lucine Vasano
Winner Warrior Lucine Vasano
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Lieutenant Colonel Len Iode's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warrior Lucine Vasano's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nancora: The Badlands
Last Post 30 April, 2018 12:21 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Grot
Syntax - 15%
Colonel Len Iode Lucine Vasano
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Some noticeable mistakes in the first post hurt the score here. Rationale: There were minor mistakes, but nothing that interfered with the story.
Story - 40%
Colonel Len Iode Lucine Vasano
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: The story starts out rather slow, and the mistaken identity plot didn't really feel unique enough to draw me in. The story picks up considerably in the second post, managing to draw me back in, but suffers from a lack of conflict with your opponent. Rationale: The story did a lot to impress me. I love the descriptions and the creative use of Force powers, and your second post in particular felt very well done. However, the inclusion of an outside NPC in the first post really caused the score to suffer. It interfered with the pacing of the match and went against some of the spirit of the ACC. Remember that a match is supposed to be a contest between you and your opponent. Be very careful when including outside NPC's that they do not violate that principle.
Realism - 25%
Colonel Len Iode Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: A single issue, noted below. Rationale: No issues were noted.
Continuity - 20%
Colonel Len Iode Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues were noted. Rationale: No issues were noted.
Colonel Len Iode's Score: 3.65 Lucine Vasano's Score: 4.05
Posts

the_badlands

To walk upon the surface of Nancora is to take a path akin to a death sentence. That is how it earned its moniker: the Badlands. The Nancora system's star scorched the earth long ago, leaving a barren, sun-bleached surface behind. The soil remains as nothing but dust and left to the winds mercy. But there is none, as dust storms can form without warning and charge across the wastelands as roaring behemoths. The only shelter to be found lies scattered in the form of ruins of a time long past.

Spires and wreckage claw up through the cracked surface, giving the appearance of a planet-spanning junkyard. It is there that the Technocratic Guild gathers much of their resources, repurposing what once was into materials for new fabrications. At the same time, the most dangerous of these ruinous death-traps show the signs of the Technocratic elite's rigorous training. With a central spire rising from beneath a mound of wreckage, fresh scorch marks pocket the landscape of rising dunes in a circular clearing alongside the sand scraped remains of those who failed. A labyrinthian ring of partially unearthed structures closes in this area, providing some semblance of cover from the passing storms but nearly as dangerous themselves due to their weakened state. One wrong step can lead to collapse.

Very few come to the Badlands of Nancora. Fewer still make it out again.

Nancora, the last place anyone in the Brotherhood would want to return to. Many had lost their lives fighting the Collective here, on their home turf. Even now, the Collective fleet was massing somewhere and it was up to the SeNet to determine their enemy’s next move. Fresh off a second tour as Executor of JTF Satele Shan, Lieutenant Colonel Len Iode had been dispatched to the Force forsaken planet. His mission: locate any surviving Collective units or communication devices, gather what intelligence he could, and destroy the site.

Simple enough, the Chiss had thought when he had read his orders.

The wind howled over the Badlands, and a gigantic cloud of dust particles and microscopic metal fragments tore through the air, turning day into a blender of night night. Len had pulled the cowl and face wrap up to protect himself. Still, he could feel the metal cutting ever so slightly through his suit into his skin, especially his fingers clutching his DH-17. Taking his right hand off the blaster, Len withdrew his datapad, which served as his map, he noticed a group of structures ahead. Formerly it had been a Collective outpost, but the Arconan Navy fixed that by bombarding the site repeatedly in the hours before the withdrawal. Pockmarks and craters from blasters and proton bombs littered the landscape approaching the area. Using the craters as cover, the Chiss soldier bounded towards the center of the former enemy camp. He planned to use the location as a hiding spot until the storm passed. Placing the datapad back in his pocket, Len closed to within 50 meters of the entrance the closest surviving building when a woman's voice called out to him.

“Be a dear and drop your weapons,” the voice said flatly, with a hint of authority in it.

As if by themselves, his battered hands dropped his primary weapon into the dirt. The outline of a person became apparent in the dust before him, but not anyone Len could recognize. The Chiss shrugged off the Force driven command but waited.

“Now, who do we have here?” the voice asked, slightly more relaxed than before.

Iode feared that he could die on this miserable rock, but the Chiss forced the sentiment to the back of his mind. But the fear continued to gnaw at him anyway; he had to escape this place and all he had to do in order to leave was answer this woman’s simple question. Pushing his mind, Len remained silent he listened for the woman’s foot falls.

Growing more impatient, the woman began again left hand raised. “I hate to be rude but I’ll keep asking until you answer. I asked, who do we have here? .”

The soldier felt desire to please his interrogator, followed by an urge to spill everything. His mission, who he was with—saying those things would bring her great joy. But he fought it, and only one word slipped out.

“Len.”

“I know that name,” the woman replied, dropping her hand. “But I am not sure why.”

The Chiss still could not make out who she was. He had heard reports that the Collective was using Force sensitives for their own ends. This made him chuckle internally as it was so hypocritical of them to do so.

Must be one of their minions, Len thought, I can’t take a Force sensitive on my own. I need reinforcements.

“No matter, in time you will spill everything you know about the Collective.”

Len raised an eyebrow, but as he was about to speak the wind picked up again knocking both people back. Quickly, the soldier snatched up his DH-17, took aim towards the outline and fired. Missing his target, he sprinted the short distance towards the cover of the camp, scanning for the mysterious interrogator. Finding the first non-compromised shelter, the Chiss keyed his comm.

“This is Shan 2 requesting—ahhh!”

The woman had flanked him, and had delivered quite a swift open-handed strike to his jaw. Len stumbled back and took aim once more, firing quickly. Once more his target had evaded him.

Grot, 6 May, 2018 10:39 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I enjoyed the struggle that Len had with Lucine's Mind Trick. I've always found it a fascinating take on the power to narrate the victims inner thoughts, and found myself thoroughly pleased by the scene.

Can be Improved

There were some notable syntax errors in this post. Specifically I noted issues with formatting, comma splices, missing or repeated words, verb tense, and other grammar issues that made the post difficult to read in some places. A closer proof-reading would have really benefited the writing here

There was one incident found rather unbelievable realism-wise in this post,

“Be a dear and drop your weapons,” the voice said flatly, with a hint of authority in it."

As if by themselves, his battered hands dropped his primary weapon into the dirt.

Lucine here is using her "Your Weapons... You Will Not Need Them" feat to disarm Len prior to the start of combat, which is perfectly reasonable, but the ease with which it happens really throws me off. Len has a Resolve of +4, enough to "face down an angry rancor, in its den, without so much as blinking". It's simply not giving him enough credit that he simply drops his weapon without even a struggle. I would have liked to see more description of him fighting the Mind Trick, like he does in the following paragraph.

Doing his best to ignore the pain that flared within his jaw, Len raised his DH-17 once more. The redheaded woman darted a few steps away before seeming to split in two. The identical women moved in opposite directions, a catlike smile upon both sets of red lips.

As Len's eyes darted between them, trying to determine which one was real and which was fake, both women extended their right hands and made a beckoning gesture. He instinctively tightened his grip on his DH-17. But it was his comm that was snatched from his hand by an unseen force. It sailed between the two women, before shattering against the wall behind them.

“Has no one told you that it is rude to talk on your comm when there is someone standing right in front of you?” the women asked in unison, their voices mocking. “Who were you trying so desperately to contact, hmm?”

Len gritted his teeth as he darted his crimson eyes around the room, searching for anything that might assist him. Though the building itself was intact, it appeared that most of the equipment had been destroyed by the Collective prior to their retreat. What could not easily be transported had been destroyed, and now lay as useless piles of junk scattered around the room. He would have no help from his surroundings; his only hope was to determine which woman was the real threat.

The women pouted. “What is the matter? Do you not want to talk to me? How dreadfully rude. Or perhaps you are trying to buy some time? I am sorry to disappoint you, darling, but I have already taken care of the Collective flunkie you were supposed to meet with. So do be a dear a surrender before I start to get impatient.”

“I am not part of the Collective,” the Chiss replied tightly, his gaze darting between the two women as he spoke. It seemed that the one on the right was moving just a bit more slowly than the one on his left. Still, he kept his blaster trained between them.

“If you are going to lie, darling, at least do me the courtesy of coming up with a better one than that,” they said with a tsk. Twin lightsabers flared to life, and now Len was certain that one was moving more slowly than the other. He hastily aimed at the woman to his left and snapped off two shots. The blaster bolts sailed toward the woman, only to be deflected by the emerald blade.

He continued to fire, and the illusion to his right faded away as the Human focused on blocking the plasma bolts with controlled movements of her weapon. He planted his feet firmly, aiming for different parts of her body with every shot. The plasma bounced off her blade, burning into the ceiling and the floor; some even flew back toward him, missing him by inches. The look of intense concentration on her face told him that it was all she could to do keep up the defense.

At last one of the bolts slipped past her lightsaber. She gasped with pain as it seared into her shoulder, causing her weapon to drop to the ground. “Now, I think we've started off on the wrong foot,” Len said, still keeping his weapon trained on her. “What were you saying about a meeting?”

The Human clutched at her wound and lifted her eyes to glare at him. But before she could reply, her eyes darted to look at something over his shoulder. He whirled, in time to see a Technocraft soldier standing in the doorway behind him, tossing a spherical metal object toward him.

Instinct took over as he dived into cover behind a nearby pile of debris, just as the concussion grenade clattered where he had been standing only moments before. On impact it detonated with a WHUD that set his ears ringing, though the debris protected him from most of the blast. He risked a quick look around the pile of junk, but the Technocrat had already darted through the doorway. A quick glance behind him showed that the woman had apparently vanished.

Grot, 7 May, 2018 12:55 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I loved the use of Illusion here, and the way it played into the fight. It was an excellent way to demonstrate Len's more analytical mindset, while also giving Lucine a chance to shine at what she's good at.

Can be Improved

Some minor syntax errors, but nothing the really interfered with the post.

I had some issues with the ending of this post. It feels really convenient to have a Technocrat soldier suddenly show up and interfere with their fight, and goes against the point of the ACC. This match should be a conflict between Lucine and Len, so having him show up and bail her out feels rather cheap and messes with the pacing. Rember that, in the Duelist Hall, matches are supposed to be a contest between the two combatants. Be careful when including outside NPC's that they do not interfere unduly with the fight

Taking quick stock of the situation, Len aimed his weapon at the door he glimpsed the Technocrat soldier escape through. It was slowly becoming clearer to the Chiss that his first combatant was not his enemy, but he was not yet sure she was his friend either. Moving closer to the door, he checked it for traps before heading further into the building.

The dilapidated steel and hanging wires reminded Len of old horror shows on the holonet—only the monsters in this place were real. With a hurried purpose, Len made his way through the corridors, strewn with debris from the evacuating Collective forces. As he approached his third turn, the soldier noticed something else: blood. Crouching down and keeping his red eyes on the space in front of him, the Chiss touched the four spots and rubbed his fingers together.

Fresh blood.

Either the woman was escaping with her augmented grenade tossing escort, or more likely she was pursuing the man.

Boom

An explosion rocked the corridor two meters behind Len. Heat and flame danced at his back as he opened his mouth, preventing his lungs from exploding. The concussive force pushed him off his feet to the cold metal deck. Len lifted his head a bit, coughing as the heat subsided. Blaster fire whizzed next to the stunned Chiss, slamming into the floor around him. The soldier rolled himself behind a small pile of debris that hid him from the Technocrat’s aim. Firing blindly, Len tried to get his opponent to take cover, but the blaster fire only got more concentrated. All the Odanite could do was keep exchanging fire.

The snap-hiss of a lightsaber igniting interrupted the shooting. Len tensed, and readied his DH-17. Coming around the corner, he was greeted by the emerald glow now held centimeters from the enhanced soldier’s throat.

“Would you be so kind as to tell me why you rudely interrupted me and my friend?”

“Death to Force Users.” The Technocrat struggled as he tried to fight the woman.

“There is no reason to be indigent to guests.” The saber moved closer to the man’s neck. “Why did you interrupt us?”

“To bring justice against Force User Lucine Vasino and puppet of Force Users Len Iode.”

The light clicked on in each of their head heads. While they had never met, they had known of the known of each other. Len pulled his hood back and let his face wrap loose, hanging on the left side. Bringing himself to his knees, he stood up, blaster trained on the man Vasino captured. The woman made sure the Technocrat was between them, still wary.

“Tell us everything you know about this base,” the Chiss stated firmly.

The Technocrat laughed. “There is nothing of value here for you, swine. Tell your masters we outsmarted you again.”

As the augmented man finished his last word, he overpowered the woman, her saber knocked free and charged Iode. Firing repeatedly at the defiant to the end enemy soldier crumpled to the ground in a smoking heap.

The Odanite lowered his weapon and looked at his former opponent, now down the hall from him. Lucine called her weapon back to her hands. Len looked back to the body and searched it, finding only a small datadisk, pocketing it.

“Len Iode, that explains why your name was familiar,” the woman mused. “Prove you are who you say you are.”

“In the darkest times, the Lotus blooms.”

“Unfurls its petals as a beacon,” she finished the countersign. “Seems as though we both were given false intelligence.”

The Chiss nodded. “Seems like it. I apologize for earlier. I thought you were one of their rumored Force Users.”

The Arconan laughed at the thought. “Not in the slightest, darling. You put up quite a decent amount of resistance to me. I’ll have to add that to your file.”

Len wasn't surprised at the revelation; most of what he knew of Lucine came from her file.

“I'm surprised we didn't know about each others missions or at least that someone would be on planet,” The soldier mused.

“This was more a ‘personal fact finding’ mission on my side. Always have to have the best information.”

“Sorry this was a bust for both of us then.” Iode paused, the sounds of rushing air and creaking metal filling the gap. “So, how do we do this? Just walk away?”

Lucine smiled, “I have no quarrel with you. Good day, Len. I hope this is not the last time we work together.”

The soldier nodded cautiously. “I'll forward what's on the disk once we get into it.”

“Thank you, how kind of you. There is hope for you yet.” The Arconan winked as she headed towards where they had come from earlier. After a moment he turned to follow her, the body and the building left as a sacrifice to the Badlands.

Grot, 7 May, 2018 1:44 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The story really picks up here, and i found myself enjoying the conflict and tension you managed to bring with the appearance of the Technocrat soldier. The post really hit it's stride here with the combat writing, and i could tell that you were in your element.

Can be Improved

The syntax error's I noticed in the first post seem to have mostly cleared up here.

There's a significant lack of conflict here between Len and Lucine, so much so that it almost feels like i'm reading a cooperative post more than a post in the Duelist Hall. The appearance of an outside NPC should not change the fact that the match is supposed to be between the two assigned combatants, and the lack of conflict between them hurt the score here.

Len took a deep breath and counted slowly to five as the ringing in his ears faded away. Once his equilibrium was reestablished he peered around the pile of debris that he had sheltered behind, being careful to keep low in case the Technocrat soldier was watching for him.

He was surprised to find the cybernetically enhanced man standing only a few feet away, in the spot where Len and the redhead had stood only a few minutes before. The soldier's eyes and the muzzle of his blaster were trained on something on the floor, but Len could not see what it was that held his attention. As the Chiss watched, the Technocrat lashed out with his foot toward the spot where he was staring. Evidently not satisfied with the result, the soldier then fired his blaster three times, burning scorch marks into the empty floor.

Len had seen enough. Moving slowly, he raised his blaster and took aim at the Collective soldier. He squeezed the trigger, and a beam of plasma sped toward the Technocrat, striking him in the chest and causing him to crumble to the floor.

“Oh, well done, darling!” The Chiss looked up to see the woman standing behind the remains of a control panel, where she had apparently taken shelter before the bomb had detonated. “I was beginning to think I was going to have to shoot him myself.”

“And I suppose you had something to do with his strange behavior a few minutes ago?” Len asked as he got slowly to his feet. He was careful to keep his blaster trained on her the whole time.

The woman's eyes went from his blaster to his face. “Oh, darling, I think it has been clearly established that we are on the same side here. After all, I doubt this fellow would have thrown that bomb if he was working with either of us. You can trust me,” the woman said with a pout.

The Chiss gritted his teeth as he felt a familiar icy touch upon his mind, combined with the urge to lower his weapon. He could trust her, after all. The blaster lowered an inch before he realized what he was doing. Frowning, he took aim once more. “Trust is earned,” he said at last. “I think you'd go a long way toward establishing trust if you were to toss your lightsaber on the ground.”

The woman's eyes flashed with annoyance. “My lightsaber was a gift from my Consul, so I will not simply 'toss' it. However, I will place it gently on the ground.” She sauntered out from behind the control panel, being careful to keep her hands where Len could see them. She then knelt down and set the lightsaber on the ground in front of her. “Happy?” she asked as she stood up slowly.

A flash of metal on her belt caught his attention, and he smiled wryly. “Not quite. The blaster too, if you don't mind.”

The redhead shrugged and set her blaster on the ground as well. “Anything else, darling? Perhaps a strip search while you are at it?” she asked in a suggestive as she took a step closer.

“That will not be necessary,” Len replied flatly as he kept his blaster leveled on her. “But since you are suddenly being so cooperative, why don't you tell me who you are?”

“Well, I suppose I could, but as I recall, you were not terribly forthcoming when it came to telling me your name earlier,” the woman said.

Len opened his mouth to reply, but before he could answer the Technocrat groaned loudly. He shifted his gaze and his aim to the Collective soldier at his feet, but the man was still and obviously unconscious. Realizing his error, Len brought his head up as a bag of gritty powder impacted against his shoulder, sending a cloud into his face. The dust caused his eyes to burn and tear, forcing him to close them tightly.

Moving by instinct, he brought his weapon up to where the woman had stood only a few moments before. As he did so, he felt the blaster being pushed to the side, even as the heel of her palm slammed into his throat. Agony blossomed in his neck as he stumbled backward, his breath wheezing and rasping past his now injured larynx even as the blaster clattered to the ground.

Blind and unable to breathe, he knew he had to try to end the fight quickly. He brought his hands up in a defensive posture and lashed out in a wild strike, hoping to catch her as she closed in for another strike. Instead, his legs were swept out from under him. Stars exploded in front of his eyes as his head struck the hard duracrete. His head swam as consciousness began to leave him.

“You really should have been more forthcoming with your full name earlier, darling.” It sounded like the redhead was speaking to him from a great distance, but her mocking tone was still clear. “But since I do not know who you are, I suspect my over-exuberance will be forgiven.”

As the last of Len's consciousness slipped away, Lucine reached down and lightly patted his cheek. “I imagine I will have to feign some embarrassment when it is discovered that I 'accidentally' attacked someone from an allied clan. Still, I imagine you have access to some delicious secrets that will make it all worthwhile.”

Grot, 7 May, 2018 1:50 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I loved the level of duplicity and underhandedness in this post. It feels very much like a spy-flick or a bond movie in how you managed to keep up the conflict between Len and Lucine despite the appearance of an outside threat.

Can be Improved

I can only repeat myself and remind you that the Duelist Hall is supposed to be a conflict between the two assigned combatants, and having outside NPC's interfere in the fight really detracts from that. This post decent job at managing to refocus the fight on Len and Lucine, but only enough to make up for the points that were lost for the Technocrat's inclusion