Reaver Stres'tron'garmis vs. Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Reaver Stres'tron'garmis

Equite 4, Equite tier, Unaffiliated
Male Chiss, Mercenary, Weapons Specialist
vs.

Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Seeker, Imperial
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC!

Overall this match was straightforward yet entertaining to read. NFU vs FU fights are a challenge to keep engaging but you both pulled it off. You both came to this match with significant ACC experience and deep understand of the character sheets and it showed. Character and item aspects were seamlessly integrated throughout both of your posts. As a reader I had a good picture of both character’s personalities and a bit of their histories and affiliations without having to reference the sheets themselves and that’s a strong mark for both of you.

From a syntax standpoint both of your posts were very clean but had just a few stray errors. Nothing that detracted from a smooth reading experience. Kord had less errors overall that I could catch and got the advantage in syntax.

Realism wise you both actually did well considering the amount of FU vs NFU combat you were depicting and the sheer amount of items and powers in play. Kord took more risks and drew one error and a very close call while Andrelious had one somewhat humorous error with the flying Chiss.

Since there were no continuity errors that I could see story was the deciding factor. Kord had excellent combat descriptions and use of the environment but the overall plot, the “why” of the match was underdeveloped. Kordath sent Strong to Jakku to exercise? As a reader I found that more confusing than humorous. Andrelious did deepen the personal conflict somewhat in his two posts but there was a little too much character history being worked in without a clear purpose. For example, why was Aldaric mentioned? You had the potential to do something with that character history fact but didn’t. Both of Kord’s posts suffered from being just a little too one-sided in that all of Andrelious’s combat actions seemed to fail for one reason or another. Yes, he broke Strong’s weapon and got a close call on the stab but it felt like one too many “aha! I have an item that stops you!” moments in the plot. Again, I appreciate the inherent NFU vs FU challenge but keep that in mind for future matches. Ultimately advantage in story goes to Kord for superior combat depictions and consistent use of the venue.

The closeness of the scores on this match is reflective on both your skill and you both can be proud of your performance. I look forward to seeing you in future matches.

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Reaver Stres'tron'garmis, Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj
Winner Reaver Stres'tron'garmis
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Reaver Stres'tron'garmis's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warlord Andrelious J. Mimosa-Inahj's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Jakku: Fallen Starship
Last Post 13 January, 2019 6:14 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Syntax - 15%
Deleted General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: A few typos and mis-used words but nothing that took me out of the reading experience. Rationale: A stray typo and a few instances of repetitive language but overall a clean read.
Story - 40%
Deleted General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: You introduced references to past events and other characters but didn’t do a whole lot with them. You resolved the conflict conclusively and your combat depictions were good but not using the environment/venue held you back from a 4. Rationale: Your combat depictions and use of the environment were superb but your characters’ motivations and purpose for being in the venue were a bit underdeveloped and held you back from a 4.
Realism - 25%
Deleted General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: The falling Chiss issue in your last post hurt you. See my comments to that post. Rationale: Pushing Strong's armor aspect too far and the close call on the knuckler in your final post hurt you. See my comments to that post.
Continuity - 20%
Deleted General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: No issues that I could see.
Deleted's Score: 3.8 General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.07
Posts

Jakku Fallen Starship

A year after the destruction of the second Death Star in the celebrated Battle of Endor, another war was waged between the New Republic and Galactic Empire. Basking beneath the desert sun of Jakku rests the remnants of this hostility. Shifting sands have since buried and uncovered countless treasures and relics—to the delight of scavengers eager who hope to recover tokens from either side of the conflict!

The harsh desert offers little shelter from the elements, remaining barren and flat against the imposing backdrop of a fallen Star Destroyer that was left uncovered after the famed Battle of Jakku. Rather than allowing the vessel to fall into the hands of the Republic after the self-destruct had been sabotaged, Captain Ciena Ree ordered the Inflictor evacuated and sent it crashing to the planet’s surface. Sunken into the shifting desert sea, the upper portion of the Inflictor’s hull and exhaust ports remain otherwise intact, preserved amidst the rubble of untold casualties that had once occurred on both sides. Although it has been scoured by the passing of several sandstorms, it still displays the former power and might of the Galactic Empire.

Fallen Starship

Countless scraps of metal and machines of war share the same grave, echoing the lives of those who fought and died among the perilous wastes. Hundreds of these relics sit untouched, lingering amidst the ghosts that tend and reside in Jakku’s graveyard.

The JV-7 touched down gently, its repulsors blasting sand both down and away to form a temporary landing pad in the desert. As the hatch lowered, a man below average height, wrapped in robes stepped out and wasted little time in heading towards the superstructure of a fallen Destroyer which took up much of the horizon. He had no desire to be here for too long and he didn’t want the desert winds to bury his ship. The Taldryanite moved with purpose; he had a simple mission to accomplish. Meet this mysterious contact who was meant to have intelligence about the Collective, and return home to begin planning how best to use it. The information had come anonymously to the Clan, hence the sending of Andrelious. The assumption was that the veteran could handle whatever was waiting for them should it be a trap.

The fat, yellow sun hung low in the sky, sending shadows across the cracked surface leading up to the downed Destroyer. A dry gust of wind blew past him, causing his cloak to flutter around his shoulders. He let it go unheeded, and instead drew one of his sabers from its resting place on his belt and held it hidden against the inside of his forearm as he approached an opening in the wreckage. The Imperial sympathizer licked his lips, sensing another living being within his destination. His contact, perhaps, or an assassin? He had his share of enemies. A sudden, abrupt and resounding sound of impacts, like metal upon metal rolled out of the ship and across the dunes.

He stepped cautiously, allowing his vision to adapt to the darker interior. Even with the setting sun, there was plenty of light to see by — for now. Another crash was heard, and a ruined console hurtled past the Sith and bounced across the packed sand. Andrelious’s hand on his lightsaber hilts, caressing the weapon as if to gain some comfort. Leaning past the corner to see where the sounds were coming from, he spotted a towering monster of a man, clad in overlapping plates of chrome armor. In the man’s hand was an impressive hammer, its haft lit with an inner, blue light that filled the chamber the figure was, for whatever reason, demolishing.

“I hope this isn’t my contact,” muttered Andrelious to himself. He loudly cleared his throat, feeling no ill intent from the man before him. If this being had information to strike at the Collective, he would chance drawing their attention for now. The man turned, hammer held by the end of the haft with one hand, and gave the Sith a curious look. He had a dark mustache, blue skin, and glowing red eyes that seemed to bore into the Human.

”Ah! Good evening! I apologize if my calisthenics disturbed you! My name is—” the man’s booming voice was cut off by the ignition of a saber in Andrelious’s hand. The scarlet glow cast additional shadows, contrasting with the bigger man’s blue light.

“You are Stres’trong’armis, Chiss,” spoke the Warlord calmly.

Strong gave the little man a wide grin and seemed to puff his chest out under the armor.

”I see you’ve heard of me! Even this far into the Western Expanses I suppose tales of my combat prowess and legendary adventures have traveled!”

“I try to stay well apprised of those who I might have to fight,” spoke Andrelious. He had heard of the man, boisterous, loud, and as imposing as his name suggested. “You’re the bodyguard to that slovenly drunkard that sins on a false throne. So, this was a trap,” growled the Human, taking a step towards the man.

”I am afraid I don’t know what you mean by trap, my Master, whom you so malinger, sent me here to exercise. I do not know what your problem is with him, though I will admit his moral fiber is frustrating to deal with.” As Strong spoke he reached over to a nearby console that he’d not smashed, grasping the composite helmet that rested there. He settled it on to his head, certain this man meant him harm. From under the visor, he eyed the small Sith’s lightsaber and sighed to himself, dropping the head of his hammer to the floor with a clang and instead pulled his riot baton out. It crackled to life, the electricity running up and down the head as he spun it into position. His other hand reached back to grasp his riot shield, the garish yellow painful to the eye.

”You appear to be seeking battle, Sir. If that is your wish, then I shall indulge you, though I have no desire to cause you injury.”

Andrelious’s shook his head and glowered, grasping his weapon with both hands. He blinked as he heard a rumbling sound, the compartment they were in seemed to shake. His eyes were drawn to the chrome plated monster before him, who’d hunched down, shield set before him. The Sith steadied himself, brow furrowed as he saw a glow growing behind the Chiss, who was taking measured steps towards him. As he entered the Taldryanite’s range, the Human quickly struck, gritting his teeth when the blade was barely knocked aside by the baton. He almost managed to dodge Strong’s follow up riposte with the shield with a warning from the Force, but the larger man was far quicker than expected. The energy field struck him, and the Warlord’s robes did nothing to dissipate the shock.

The man’s muscles twitched as he fought for control, allowing the Force to flow through him. As he attempted to counterattack, the colossus before him took another step forward, and a gout of smoke came off the man’s back.

What!? was all the Sith had time to think before the pair of them seemed to launch out of the ruined ship and into the desert. The rocket pack on Garmis’s back sent them flying, and Andrelious felt a moment of concern, the wind and sand whipping past him as he accelerated backward. With a burst of telekinetic energy, he disentangled himself from the Chiss, deciding that tumbling across the desert was better than the Arconan bodyguard slamming him into, well, anything.

It still hurt. He skipped off the packed sand, praying that no debris caught him as he bounced once, twice, and finally lost enough inertia to roll. Slowly he pushed himself to his feet, feeling a soreness across his body, and reached to grasp his backup saber. He coughed, spitting out sand.

“I hate deserts,” he mumbled, looking up to see where the Chiss had landed.

Strong wasn’t the best pilot, but he’d managed to stop himself without turning into a chrome skipping stone. The big man was walking towards the Sith, exhaust trailing from his pack as the rocket pack cooled. Against the setting sun, he was a gleaming, intimidating sight.

"As I said, I wish you no harm! Leave now and I shall not pursue you," boomed the man, somehow the modulator in his helmet making him even louder. "Persist on this unprovoked violence, and I will not be responsible for how you fare."

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 24 January, 2019 10:02 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

"As I said, I wish you no harm! Leave now and I shall not pursue you," boomed the man, somehow the modulator in his helmet making him even louder.

The use of bold to highlight Strong’s loud manner of speech is an excellent use of the formatting tools you have available to you.

This post was well-paced, especially for one pushing 1200 words. While the combat doesn’t actually start until about 750 words in, you used suspense and appropriate dialogue and character actions to keep the reader focused on the growing conflict while painting a detailed picture of the scene for the reader.


Can Be Improved

“You’re the bodyguard to that slovenly drunkard that sins on a false throne.

While this is grammatically correct in a purely technical sense, “sins on a false throne” is a bit awkward and does lead the reader to believe you meant “sits.”

While I appreciate the challenge of presenting a compelling fight between an NFU and an experienced Sith, your depiction of the action in this post did feel a bit one sided in Strong’s favor. It was almost as if you were overcompensating. This didn’t rise to the level of a realism error in any particular instance but it did take some away from your story potential. A general principle to keep in mind for future matches is if one character has consistent successes in their combat actions in your post while another does not, you may want to reevaluate how you’re depicting the action to maintain dramatic tension.

Andrelious was not usually one to back down from a fight, but the sheer size of the Chiss, combined with the fact that he was clearly very well trained, was giving him some serious second thoughts. Backing down from the fight would certainly be a embarassing, especially if Kordath found out; the Sith had long mocked the Ryn for his tendency to run when the going got tough.

The Archanis Quaestor wondered if the Chiss’s arrival was related to the recent defection of Aldaric, his new Aedile, from Arcona. The fact that both men were Chiss granted a little credit to the theory, but Andrelious ruled it out.

Bleu is never sober for long enough to think up anything so clever, Andrelious thought.

”Well? What is it to be?” Strong boomed.

The Seeker guessed that he wouldn’t have long to think about it. He looked back towards his ship, finding that it was far enough away that he’d never make it back if the Chiss decided to give chase.

Andrelious gazed directly at the Chiss.

“I am no threat to you. You can put your weapons down,” he declared, waving his right hand gently through the air.

Strong stared back at the Taldryanite. Something about the way the Sith had spoken seemed genuine, but Mimosa-Inahj was still armed with his lightsaber, its crimson blade remaining bright even as the sky above continued to darken.

Andrelious made the most of the Chiss’s brief pause. He charged in, his fingers sparking with lightning. Strong, having shaken off the Seeker’s attempt to fool him with the Force, raised his riot shield to fend off the attack. The shield flickered on and off and shook as the lightning collided with its energy field, desperately trying to dissipate the sheer power that Andrelious had mustered into the attack. After a few more moments, however, the energy field finally overloaded. Strong cursed and tossed the useless frame away.

“Technology cannot resist the power of the dark side. Now it is time for you to die, Chiss,” the Taldryanite declared.

Andrelious remained firmly on the attack, angrily swinging his lightsaber towards the giant. Strong’s riot baton once again came to rescue, the Chiss’s sheer speed allowing him to counter-attack with a stabbing move that Andrelious only avoided thanks to another warning from the Force.

”And how do you intend to hit me, Sir? This is not going to go the way you think! Strong stated. “I’ll only have to hit you once!” Andrelious answered furiously, his eyes glinting yellow as he immersed himself fully in the dark side.

As the Taldryanite approached, Strong thought better of fending off with his baton again and instead launched into the air with his jetpack, flying far over Andrelious’ head and landing several yards behind the Sith. The Taldryanite had already fully committed himself to the attack and found himself stumbling forwards as his lightsaber blade swung uselessly through thin air. He turned, expecting to find Strong ready to take advantage, but the Chiss seemed to be waiting for Andrelious’ next move.

”I can keep this up for some time, Sir!” the Arconan bodyguard shouted.

He could have hit me then. He didn’t. Why? Andrelious wondered briefly. Certainly the Seeker would have made the most of such a moment of vulnerability himself.

“You fight with honour, Chiss. And that is why you will not survive!” Andrelious snapped.

The Archanis Quaestor turned on his heels and prepared to move in on Strong again.

Let’s see just how long you can keep this up!

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 25 January, 2019 12:41 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Something about the way the Sith had spoken seemed genuine, but Mimosa-Inahj was still armed with his lightsaber, its crimson blade remaining bright even as the sky above continued to darken.

This is an excellent depiction of the mind trick power. Mental powers have a bit of subtlety to them which you handled well here by highlighting the presence of the glowing lightsaber which directly contradicted the mental suggestion. Strong didn’t fully accept the mind trick suggestion but paused just enough to give Andrelious the opening he needed.


Can Be Improved

Backing down from the fight would certainly be a embarassing, especially if Kordath found out

“A embarassing” is a typo. It should either be “would certainly be embarrassing” or “would be an embarrassing [situation or some similar word].”

You made almost no mention of the venue/environment in this post which ultimately hurts your story score. The ACC rubric specifically mentions “The features of the environment are highlighted in the descriptions and matter for the story.” Something to keep in mind for future matches.

The big man set himself, feet at shoulder width while the riot baton twirled into attack position. Andrelious saw the Chiss’s off hand move to his waist but didn’t see him pull anything substantial out as he charged the armored figure.

Short of a grenade, there’s nothing he can do to withstand the power of the Dark Side, thought the Sith, saber held in both hands. The weapon slammed against the Arconan’s electrified baton, Garmis’s immense strength not allowing the baton to budge more than an inch before pushing it back.

Taking advantage of the momentary saber to baton lock, Andrelious let the Force flow through his muscles. His speed increased, and his blade lashed out with unnatural quickness. This time it passed the large man’s guard, but much to the Human’s annoyance it sparked off of an energy shield, the skewering strike sliding across the projected field. He smelt burnt electronics and allowed himself a grin, certain that he’d deprived his enemy of another layer of protection.

“No more riot or energy shields for you, Chiss. Now you’ll know the burn of my blade,” growled the Seeker. He attacked once more, the Force still fueling his actions. He knew it would only serve him for a short while and would need to capitalize on the temporary advantage. As it was, it was obvious the armored figure wasn’t as capable with the sparking riot baton as the Sith was with his saber.

Strong leaped back, baton spinning quickly to defend against the increasingly aggressive assault. Andrelious’s face was set in a grimace. Another two-handed strike managed to pass the Chiss’s guard, this time catching the baton’s shaft and shearing the weapon in two.

“Now you die!”

He lunged forward, annoyed when he saw Strong twist sideways. That was fine, though, even a glancing blow from his saber would slow the behemoth down. A grunt of pain came from Garmis, the voice modulator amplifying the sound to the Seeker’s delight, as the saber gouged and scarred the chrome plating. But the Chiss didn’t fall, and Andrelious blinked his yellowed eyes when he realized his blade hasn’t bit as deeply as he’d hoped. Something in the armor was sparking, a localized field of energy fighting off the saber’s intense plasma. A gauntlet-clad hand reached down to closed around the Sith’s wrists, and a growl of pain and exertion could be heard as Strong pulled the blade from his armor.

A sigh of relief was emitted from the armored figure when the saber was free, but his grip did not relent. Andrelious looked up, ready to demoralize his foe with another speech, and felt the Force scream at him to move. Held fast, he couldn’t respond to the warning appropriately, and could only watch as the Arconan’s freehand, armored fingers wrapped around a rather mundane set of knucklers, cocked back to strike him.

The world went red and black, his head rang and he felt blood filling his mouth after the Chiss punched him in the jaw. Head lolling back from the strike, Andrelious felt another strike to the side of his face, and half the world went dark. His saber fell from limp hands to the sand below, the blade sputtering out. Sucking air through his, possibly broken, teeth, the Seeker opened the one eye which wasn’t swollen over and glared up at the man.

”I believe we have finished this battle, yes?”

The Sith gurgled in reply, his jaw not wanting to move, and drew deep at the Force. If he could disable, or neutralize the big idiot for a moment he could set to healing his injuries. Energy sparked around his fingers, still held by Strong, preparing to unleash his fury on the man. The grip tightened, and he heard a sigh of resignation from the Chiss, before the world became a kaleidoscope of stars and sand. Ground and sky whirled around one another when Garmis used his hold to pull the Seeker from his feet and overhead, slamming him on to his back. The air rushed from Andrelious body, and he swiftly found himself arcing overhead once more, only to land once more with a forceful impact.

Something snapped inside of him, it was hard to breathe and there was a pain running through his chest.

Ribs? Probably ribs. I can feel my toes still, at least, he thought, gasping and sucking at air. He heard the sound of armored boots on sand, and the world went hazy for a minute as he tried to regain his breath. His one good eye opened to see the Chiss standing over him, the big man having retrieved his massive, lit up hammer. Andrelious closed his eye and waited for the crushing blow, focusing his energies on sending his last thoughts to his wife and children. Something impacted with his chest, lighter than he’d anticipated, and broke his train of thought. Opening his eye once more, he looked down to see the clear symbol of a red cross on a medpac resting on his chest.

”You fought well! See to your injuries so that we may spar once more! Though I would expect a man of your seasoned age to have a better control of your anger, that is quite the detriment! Until next time!” Strong boomed, almost sounding happy.

Andrelious blinked as the armored figure, shiny and chrome, rocketed into the night sky, before darkness closed in on his vision.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 25 January, 2019 12:46 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Ribs? Probably ribs. I can feel my toes still, at least, he thought, gasping and sucking at air. He heard the sound of armored boots on sand, and the world went hazy for a minute as he tried to regain his breath.

With one or two exceptions your depictions of the action was detailed and gave a clear picture in the reader’s mind of what was occurring. The conflict between the characters was resolved in a way that was consistent with both character’s aspects.


Can Be Improved

and a growl of pain and exertion could be heard as Strong pulled the blade from his armor.

The Intense Local Magnetic Field aspect of Strong’s armor would allow for a saber to “glance off” and the field’s activation would be painful for the wearer. Everything you’ve written up to this point would have been consistent with the item aspect. However, here you describe him pulling the blade from the armor which implies some sort of penetration. At best this scene has a lack of clarity on where the blade is in relation to Strong and at worst you stretched this particular armor aspect too far. I have to count this as a minor realism error.

Held fast, he couldn’t respond to the warning appropriately, and could only watch as the Arconan’s freehand, armored fingers wrapped around a rather mundane set of knucklers, cocked back to strike him.

The knucklers in your loadout have “has four miniature vibro-blades on the front for piercing and slashing” and I didn’t see you take that account in describing Andrelious’s injuries. I can’t say that you violated realism per se, but it is something I noticed and something you should bear in mind for future matches.

Strong stayed rooted to the spot and extended his Z6 to its full length. As Andrelious approached, swinging his lightsaber, the Chiss guided the shock tip of his weapon to successfully fend off the attack. Andrelious cursed; he hadn’t been expecting the larger man to have any way of blocking his lightsaber.

”As I said, sir, I can keep this up!” Strong boomed.

Maybe, but that armour looks pretty heavy. Perhaps I should see just how long he’s trying to draw this out for. Andrelious thought.

Continuing to attack with his lightsaber, the Taldryanite poked, prodded and probed about for an opening, but Strong and his riot baton appeared equal to every blow, even if the intensity of the Sith’s slashes prevented any kind of meaningful counter attack. The Chiss was starting to notice that his arms were feeling heavier as he continued to defend against the furious Andrelious. Something had to change if Strong was going to prevail; he certainly hadn’t expected the short, chubby Sith to have such stamina.

As Andrelious lunged forwards, the Arconan bodyguard activated his rocket pack, allowing himself to fly directly upwards.

The Sith was not about to give up. As Strong continued to hover well out of reach of his lightsaber, Andrelious deactivated it and reached for his E-11.

The Chiss saw his chance. Before the Seeker could properly aim his blaster, Strong turned off his jetpack, dropping his large frame straight on top of Andrelious. The Sith certainly hadn’t been expecting something so inelegant, but there was little he could do as Strong’s weight pinned him to the sandy ground.

”I’m not moving until you give up, sir!” Strong announced in his usual tone.

Andrelious struggled and managed to turn his face away from the dirt. “You don’t fight to the kill. Ironic that someone calling himself Strong would be so weak,” he stated bitterly.

”You will not goad me into killing you. Nobody needs to die. Just leave your weapons and go,” the Chiss ordered.

The Taldryanite started to do as he was told. He removed his lightsaber from its belt clip, tossing it away; he had already dropped his E-11 when Strong landed on top of him.

“These are all I have,” Andrelious declared, waving his hand gently, gambling that the Arconan bodyguard was too tired from the fight to block out the ruse.

“Those are all you have,” Strong responded robotically.

The Chiss climbed to his feet, offering a hand to Andrelious. The Sith begrudingly accepted the help, looking ruefully at his discarded weapons.

”Touch them and I will not hesitate to floor you again, sir!” Strong warned.

Andrelious shrugged and started to walk away. Strong gathered the lightsaber and E-11; he had no use for such things but he guessed that Kordath or another Arconan veteran would enjoy the prestige of having a turncoat’s weapons in their possession.

Andrelious finally reached where his other lightsaber had fallen. Summoning the weapon with the Force, the Sith turned to see where his enemy had gone, noticing him heading in the opposite direction. His large figure cast an even larger shadow as the setting sun started to disappear behind the horizon.

Stres'tron'garmis reached for his comlink.

”Get me out of here. I’ve just made contact with an enemy operative. I managed to subdue him and take his weapons, but I don’t think that’s going to stop him for long!” the Chiss boomed.

As the reply began, Strong heard the snap-hiss of a lightsaber. Moments later, he felt a burning, stabbing sensation in the middle of his back. Roaring with pain, the blue-skinned alien fell to the ground, dropping his comlink.

“What was that?” a female voice Andrelious didn’t recognise asked. “Strong, please confirm you need pick up,”

“This is Mimosa-Inahj. You can tell Knight Thirteen from me that the oaf he had protecting him is no longer in service. And if any of his agents come after me again, I’m coming back to Selen and doing what I should have done when he first arrived. Do I make myself clear?” Andrelious hissed into the comlink.

“I...who are you? And Knight Thirteen?” the female demanded.

“Mimosa-Inahj. Andrelious. That little hairball used to insist on calling me Chubs. Just tell him what I told you. He’ll understand,” the Seeker answered, throwing the comlink hard onto the ground.

Taking one last look at the fallen Strong, Andrelious recovered the lightsaber and E-11 that the Chiss had taken from him.

Arcona. Will they EVER leave me alone? the Sith wondered as he walked back to his ship.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 25 January, 2019 1:31 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

”I’m not moving until you give up, sir!” Strong announced in his usual tone.

This was a humorous visual and very much in character for Strong.

“I...who are you? And Knight Thirteen?” the female demanded.

Good use of the operator as a stand-in for the reader who may not get the Knight Thirteen reference.


Can Be Improved

The Sith begrudingly accepted the help, looking ruefully at his discarded weapons.

Typo on begrudgingly.

Strong turned off his jetpack, dropping his large frame straight on top of Andrelious.

Strong is 146 kg (322 lbs) plus gear in heavy armor falling from a height that’s “well out of reach of a lightsaber.” Even on sand that’s going to cause some kind of injury beyond just winding Andrelious. This is a minor realism error.