Battlemaster Lucine Vasano vs. Augur Rian Taldrya

Battlemaster Lucine Vasano

Equite, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Sith, Seeker
vs.

Augur Rian Taldrya

Equite, Clan Taldryan
Male Mirialan, Force Disciple, Juggernaut, Obelisk
Comment

First-off, I'd like to thank both of you for participating in this tournament. You both put on a fantastic showing, and it breaks my heart to have to send one of you home today. Together you both managed to create a fantastic story that i, personally, loved every moment of, and i hope you both enjoyed creating it. If I were to describe this match in a single phrase, I would describe it as a study in contrasts.

In the technical aspects of the match there were some clear disparities between the opponents. Lucine's post were absolutely flawless in terms of syntax and grammar, a rare sight in the ACC, while her opponent's posts had some consistent and glaring issues in that arena. However, in terms of realism, Rian had the clear upper hand, managing to avoid any mistakes while his opponent blundered a couple of times.

In non-technical aspect of writing, there was also a clear disparity. Rian managed some amazing action set-pieces that managed to really impress me with the cinematic qualites. However these action sequences were let by down a weaker connecting story and a rather flat beginning and end compared to the his opponent. Lucine, by contrast, had no issue with the supporting story or the ending, managing some consistently impressive descriptive sequences, but failing to conjure up the same sort of sequences as her opponent. As strong as her writing was, it suffered from a general lack of stand-out moments.

With all of this taken in account, and after consultation with the other judges, I have decided that consistency has won the day, as impressive as Rian's writing was at it's best moments. It's my pleasure to declare Lucine Vasano as the winner of this match. I wish you the best of luck in the rest of the tournament!

Hall Spring 2019 ACC Championship
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Battlemaster Lucine Vasano, Augur Rian Taldrya
Winner Battlemaster Lucine Vasano
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Battlemaster Lucine Vasano's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur Rian Taldrya's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Jakku: Fallen Starship
Last Post 19 March, 2019 12:57 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Grot
Syntax - 15%
Rian Taldrya Lucine Vasano
Score: 2 Score: 5
Rationale: There's some serious, consistent issues with the syntax in these posts. misplaced or omitted words, errors in sentence structure, problems with punctuation, and other issues are all present and detract significantly from what was otherwise a very pleasant post. Rationale: No problems noticed. You deserve a medal.
Story - 40%
Rian Taldrya Lucine Vasano
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: The story had some wonderful, cinematic moments that I really loved. There was clearly a flair for drama and action on display, but it was brought down by a comparative weak supporting story. Both the set-up and the ending failed to really string the action set-pieces together into a more holistic narrative. Rationale: A wonderfully well written story, particularly with an emphasis on the dialogue and descriptive prose. There's a clear artistry on display here that deserves praise, but it lacks any sort of unique spice or amazing moment that might grant it a higher score.
Realism - 25%
Rian Taldrya Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No errors. Rationale: Two minor realism errors were noted in the post comments.
Continuity - 20%
Rian Taldrya Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors. Rationale: No errors.
Rian Taldrya's Score: 3.75 Lucine Vasano's Score: 4.35
Posts

Jakku Fallen Starship

A year after the destruction of the second Death Star in the celebrated Battle of Endor, another war was waged between the New Republic and Galactic Empire. Basking beneath the desert sun of Jakku rests the remnants of this hostility. Shifting sands have since buried and uncovered countless treasures and relics—to the delight of scavengers eager who hope to recover tokens from either side of the conflict!

The harsh desert offers little shelter from the elements, remaining barren and flat against the imposing backdrop of a fallen Star Destroyer that was left uncovered after the famed Battle of Jakku. Rather than allowing the vessel to fall into the hands of the Republic after the self-destruct had been sabotaged, Captain Ciena Ree ordered the Inflictor evacuated and sent it crashing to the planet’s surface. Sunken into the shifting desert sea, the upper portion of the Inflictor’s hull and exhaust ports remain otherwise intact, preserved amidst the rubble of untold casualties that had once occurred on both sides. Although it has been scoured by the passing of several sandstorms, it still displays the former power and might of the Galactic Empire.

Fallen Starship

Countless scraps of metal and machines of war share the same grave, echoing the lives of those who fought and died among the perilous wastes. Hundreds of these relics sit untouched, lingering amidst the ghosts that tend and reside in Jakku’s graveyard.

Rian veered his speeder to a halt as he reached the gargantuan remains of what once served as the exhaust ports of an Imperial Star Destroyer. Checking with the coordinates provided by the message that made him come here in the first place, it was clear that the decaying vessel that was now in front of him once had gone by the name Inflictor. Fishing the comlink from his belt he said. “I am at the Inflictor, any sign that my opponent arrived before me?”

“No master, though given the intel package you received from the Combat Master, she very well might have persuaded the local authorities to not mark her ship on any official reports. I suggest you to stay alert.” K8-S3Y, the droid he had left behind to guard his ship at the spaceport on the Niima Outpost replied.

"Very true, there should be an opening to the hangar behind this dune, at least i can get out of this ungrateful sun. I will call you when I am done out here." Rian said, taking a look at the small map showed on his gauntlets before ending the call and accelerating his speeder up the dune.

On the other side the endless sand of Jakku opened under the belly of the Inflictor, just as his map had shown, casting a shadowy overhang that led into the Star Destroyer’s main hangar. A two-seated speeder sat at the transition between sand and rusted durasteel, looking as old and battered as the Star Destroyer itself with a lone person bowed over the speeders engines that clearly wasn't the person Rian was supposed to meet.

Jumping from his speeder the Taldrya asked: "Anything you need help with?"

"Yeah, i was on my way to Niima Outpost when the engine overheated, barely managed to get here so i don't have to fix it in the heat of the sun." The man said.

"Maybe it’s just the cooler, let me take a look." The half-mirialan offered as he walked over to the other speeder, his gaze casually wandering over the otherwise deserted hangar in search of his opponent. "By the way you may haven't seen another person around here, a woman, read hair, about this high."

"No, I am the only one." The man replied, sighing over the faulty engine.

As the Consul peered down at the engine, his mind made him look past and down next to his feet. Kicking free from under the speeder what had caught his attention, revealed itself as a hand, neatly cut off at the wrist. A perfect copy of the one attached to the man's arm - or was it the opposite. Rising back up he turned from the man looking at him puzzled, one of his lightsabers in his hand and lit.

"Well played Miss Vasano, you almost got me, now let's quit with this facade, shall we?" Rian said loudly into the hangar.

It took a moment for the man to vanish and for Lucine Vasano to appear from behind a fallen support bridge.

She struck a beauty that didn’t live up to the image he had received of her, flowing copper-colored hair adorned with black accents she wore a form-fitting black leather gear that perfectly accentuated her well-shaped body as she made her way towards the Taldrya with her hands raised apologetic.

"I am sorry, I should have known better than trying to deceive someone skilled as you are." Her words sounded like honey through the hangar as she moved over, giving him a sense of being superior, though something didn't feel right about it.

This was too easy. When the intel package from the Combat Master had arrived, her name didn't ring much on Rian except her being a House leader from Clan Arcona and though their Clan's had a known past for being enemies, times have changed and the Collective as their common enemy was far more worse than any vendetta the Clans shared with each other. Attached to his opponent’s name in this first round of the tournament, the intelligence package contained quite some interesting data about an astonishing woman, that at least gave him an impression what to expect from a confrontation with her. Highly skilled in the fields of altering one’s mind to achieve her goals, but Rian was none to be fooled lightly. Waiting for her to come closer he focused, then shot his free hand forward, fingers splayed before abruptly pulling it back as fist.

Lucine felt an invisible hand close around her body and was yanked forward momentarily towards the lava colored blade of the Taldrya awaiting her.

Rian didn’t intended to kill his opponent unless ultimately necessary, enemy Clan or not but if he was correct about the woman in front of him, maybe this would finally draw the real Lucine Vasano out of her hiding, and so it did. Just when the fiery blade was about to impale the woman pulled towards him, a tingle on his back made him turn to meet the emerald blade of the arconan Battlemaster, mere centimeters before it could have cleaved him in half.

Their blades danced around each other, meeting several times in quick succession as both unleashed patterns of strikes and counterstrikes in sizzling opposition. Emerald eyes met azure as their blades finally locked in front of each other.

“Honey, do you know how rude of a move that would have been that you pulled earlier?” Lucine said over their crossed blades though Rian thought to hear a hint of anger swinging under her sweet voice.

“Lucine Vasano.” Rian replied. “At last.”

Grot, 19 March, 2019 8:32 PM UTC

#

Grot, 19 March, 2019 8:46 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I was initially confused by Lucine's gambit with the Old Man, and thought it seemed rather out of character for her. If she was planning an ambush, why wouldn't she strike as soon as the ruse was discovered instead of stopping to talk with Rian? But the reveal of a rare double-bluff illusion drew it all together for me brilliantly. That was a very clever piece of action writing that deserves praise.

Can Be Improved

Syntax is a problem here. There's a wide-number of systemic problems in this post that definitely impact the reading and detract from the story, and i'd recommend a more thorough proof-reading in the future. In particular the problem were mainly with punctuation, especially the dialogue punctuation, and commas throughout the post. Furthermore there were a number of run-on sentences near the end of the post that could have been cleaned up significantly.

Story-wise I felt the set-up was rather weak and really hamstrung the story. The narrative of the two of you being being set-up to fight by the Combat Master is perfectly serviceable, but rather bland. There's no overall meta-narrative to the tournament, so I felt an opportunity was lost for something more interesting. Furthermore the idea of each of you being given an "intel package" on each other robs the fight of a lot of it's surprise and tension. A good deal of excitement from a fight comes from the two combatants learning about each-other and being surprised by each other's capabilities. Just removing that possibility of that right off the bat is a disappointment, and I felt it made the fight less interesting overall.

Lucine offered him a pleasant smile over their crossed blades that did not quite reach her eyes. “Lord Consul Rian Taldrya. A pleasure to finally meet you,” she replied formally. She quickly disengaged from the Mirialan and jumped backward. “I have heard so many things about you.”

“Have you?” Rian replied as he turned into a sideways stance, his lightsaber held loosely in his hand.

“Oh, yes,” the Sith purred as she looked him up and down with a lascivious smile. “But my intel failed to mention how impressive you are in person.”

Rian smiled tightly but did not warm to her flattery. The information package had been very clear about the tactics the woman might use. “Sweet words for a woman who just tried to cut me into two pieces,” he replied.

Seeing that he would not be swayed, Lucine sighed in annoyance. She turned her left side away as she held her emerald lightsaber above her head with a single hand, the blade parallel to the sandy ground. “Can you blame me, darling? To borrow an old cliche: I am a lover, not a fighter. But if I must fight, I prefer to end it quickly.”

“Do not worry, Lucine. This will end quickly,” Rian retorted. He launched himself forward, slashing at her with a wide sideways strike. She batted aside the blow, and sparks flew as her emerald blade met his fiery one.

Their lightsabers whirled and flashed in the gloom of the hangar, making their shadows dance over the twisted wreckage. The massive piles of crumpled metal that littered the area were perfect for Rian, providing ample opportunity for him to execute a wide array of acrobatic attacks. Emerald and fiery blades hummed and clashed in the silence of the wreckage as the Juggernaut battered the Sith’s defenses.

The rhythm of battle was familiar to Rian. He could feel the Force flowing through him, and he called upon it to strengthen his muscles and prevent him from tiring. He reveled in the music of conflict and strife, enjoying the welcome respite from the tediums of leadership and responsibility. He was a warrior above all and had dedicated his life to perfecting his craft.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for his opponent. Lucine stuck mostly to defense, limiting herself to quick parries and ripostes. It was clear she had focused most of her training on defense, no doubt so she could work her wiles on her opponent as they struggled to get past her guard. It was an interesting strategy, but utterly useless against an opponent who was aware of her reliance on tricks. She had some skill, but her slowing movements proved that she was tiring.

His attacks drove her steadily backward into the gloom of the hangar, forcing her to weave between piles of debris and the deep pits in the ground that had been carved out by the force of the crashing starship. Despite the growing shadows, he had just enough light to see the look of intense concentration on her face.

She is barely keeping up. It is time to end this, Rian decided as he rested his thumb against the ignition switch of his lightsaber. He darted forward, bringing his lightsaber down in a devastating overhead slash. Predictably, she brought her weapon up to block. Moments before his blade struck hers, he thumbed the switch, and the fiery blade retracted. He continued the downward slash and re-ignited his lightsaber.

The orange blade was past her guard now, descending with deadly speed. Lucine gave a small shriek of surprise and leapt backward as the blade burned a cut down the front of her armor. “Well struck,” she said at last, breathless from her exertions and her close brush with death.

“Yield, Lucine. You’re obviously outmatched, and I have no wish to kill you,” Rian said as he fell once more into an aggressive stance.

Lucine’s face set into an expression of stubbornness as she assumed the same stance as she had at the start of their battle, with her left side facing away from him. “Sorry, darling, but you are going to pay for ruining my armor.”

Rian launched himself forward once more. Before he could get into striking range, the Sith danced backward as she unclipped a pouch from her belt and lobbed it at him. The pouch sailed past his guard and struck him in the chest. Gritty powder exploded from it, causing his eyes to burn and blur with tears.

Blinding dust, the Consul thought ruefully as he deactivated his lightsaber and tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. Come to think of it, the intel mentioned that too.

Grot, 19 March, 2019 8:55 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The description and dialogue here is really top-notch. I felt myself drawn into the setting and the conflict immediately but how well you were able to paint a picture of what was going on. There's obviously a mastery of narrative and writing here that improves the story immensely.

Can be Improved

While I found the story impressively written, it also felt a little paint-by-numbers. It didn't do anything to really distinguish itself or set itself apart as something unique, and I felt a little disappointing that there wasn't more nuance to it. Everything was consistently great, but nothing truly amazed me.

There was a single realism issue that threw me off. When Rian cut the front of Lucine's armor, i found it incredibly difficult to believe that he cut only the armor, and not only that, left Lucine entirely unscathed. It felt almost cartoonish in a way. Lucine is wearing what basically amounts to a skin-tight bodysuit with the bare minimum of protection, yet the blade passed so closely that it only cut a gash through it, and didn't even nick the skin underneath. Were this some sort of bulkier armor or thicker protection I could easily believe it, but after consulting with the other judges this is just too difficult to believe as it stands. There should have been some sort of grazing blow, or even the remnants of her melted armor burning into her skin; escaping unscathed is just a bit too much.

The Consul blinked, trying to make out his opponent in the hangar through watery eyes but she was nowhere to be seen.

Blinking the last tears from his eyes he reactivated his lightsaber while looking for a hint of where the Battlemaster had vanished to in the dim light of the wrecked hangar. She could be everywhere he mused. Knowing that it was hers to make the next move in this game, he expanded his mind to find her.

There she was.

Rian turned on his heel to find her just as she passed around a piece of what once was part of the hangar’s ceiling to face him, her lightsaber replaced with a blaster trained at him.

No there. A movement to his right caught his attention, revealing the same Lucine Vasano her armor torn up squarely over the chest stepping from behind a cover with her blaster’s business end pointed at the Consul at the same time as a third appeared on his left hand side.

Turning his gaze from one to another, Rian’s free hand moved onto his back, taking a hold of his second lightsaber. A brilliant amethyst joined the tangerine, if she wanted to step up the game, he would gladly prove her that he too hadn’t shown her all he got.

“Now that wasn’t very lady-like from you.” He mocked, still uncertain which of the three women was the real Lucine Vasano.

“And you’d call cutting my armor chivalry my dear.” The women spoke at once with a fourth Lucine Vasano joining the fray from behind him, catching the Taldrya off-guard.

“You are an amazing person Miss Vasano, there is no point in denying that your superior’s hold you in a high esteem.” Rian said to none of the women in particular as he tried to figure which one was illusion and which one was real. “You are beautiful and cunning, and I really need to apologize for having ruined your armor.”

“Are you trying to stale time, my dear?” The Lucine’s said chuckling. “Because that won’t work.”

“Well, the same could be said about you. So far you haven’t shot me either.”

“Something that can be easily corrected.” Lucine replied, the fingers on each blaster closing around the trigger.

It all played out in Lucine’s mind as she had planned, the Taldrya had no idea which of the four Vasanos was the real ones as he turned from one to another, trying to break free from the illusion. At her mental command the three copies of her pressed the trigger each unleashing a single bolt of super-heated plasma while she followed suit just the fraction of an instant later.

But it was exactly that fraction of an instant between her minds order and her body to respond that allowed the Consul to perceive which one was the real Lucine. His left hand shot forward, palm outstretched with an invisible power manifesting between himself and the discharge from her blaster, freezing the red bolt in midair like a solid wall as three of four Lucine Vasanos disappeared.

“I thought we already agreed that this sort of trick won’t work on me darling.” Rian said, over the frozen bolt.

“Touche.” she replied, smiling.

“But what if there was more than one.” With that she pressed the trigger, unleashing a fury of blaster-fire in rapid succession.

It was a gamble, normally she would leave her distracted opponent behind to fight him another day with a new carefully laid out plan but the rules for the tournament left her no choice, if only one of the bolts would penetrate his defense. Yet the Consul kept coming at her, batting away every single bolt.

Lucine tried to back away from the nearing Consul while she emptied the entire gas cartridge from her blaster, eventually she ended with her back against a large bulkhead that once had been part of the ceiling barring her way. Seeking a way out of the situation she searched her surrounding furiously as Rian kept coming at her blades, dancing in wild patterns.

The ceiling. Picking her Grappling Hook, she launched its dart shaped head blindly into the air, hoping for the best. Pushing the receiver as soon as she felt the cable hitting its mark. Holding tight to it she was lifted into the air when metal began to creak and groan above her.

It happened when she had ascended about three meters in height. A portion of the rotten ceiling gave way, sending Lucine back down. She hit the ground hard in front of Rian with her left ankle bent at an unhealthy angle. Losing her footing she stumbled into him squeaking.

“Easy.” He said, trying to support her, but Lucine shoved him aside.

“Don’t think I will give you this.” Lucine’s anger on her slippery filled her voice with sarcasm as she limped away from the Taldrya. Rian may not deserve to be treated like that though they met as opponents, he had been there catching her when she lost her ground after falling without hesitation.

“Come on, do you really want to fight your way out of this?” The Consul questioned. “You can barely stand, let alone move.”

Lucine ground her teeth as she examined her ankle. At least it wasn’t broken. He was right, she was extremely short on options, though there was one chance that part of her would regret she would take. Fueling her anger with the pain throbbing through her body her lightsaber found its way into her hand.

Turning to charge him he was already behind her, batting her blade away before lashing out with the pommel of his second blade, hitting her hard on the temple.

"I am sorry Lucine." Rian said after she went down. "It's a shame we had to meet under this circumstances."

"Maybe next time." He added, placing his comlink next to her before leaving the hangar.

Grot, 20 March, 2019 12:33 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The fight scenes remain the absolute highlight of the post. In particular I found you work with illusions continues to be inventive. The four-way mexican stand-off with Lucine and her illusions was something right out of a movie, and I really enjoyed reading it. You have a clear and present talent for setting up interesting conflicts and resolutions that I found. You should definitely focus and refine this talent, as it could easily be the highlight of every post you make.

Can Be Improved

Syntax is remains an issue. I won’t expand much more on it as the problems are very similar to those in the first post, except for continuing to recommend a thorough proofreading.

Lucine falling from the ceiling feels like a criminal underestimation of Lucine’s competency. I understand that Lucine is tired and making mistakes, but she’s a perceptive and intelligent character, capable of thinking on her feet. She’s agile, and well capable of both precognition and amplification that she could have used to foresee and soften her fall without taking a crippling injury like this.

The fall, and her injury, also cheapens the ending in a way that hurts the story. Having Lucine, essentially trip and fall, spraining her ankle, feels like a very cheap and anti-climatic way to bring the fight towards its close. I would have much preferred the ending to have been brought about by the characters instead of pure random chance. It feels like a very weak and uninteresting way for the two combatants to part.

Through the haze of tears, Rian could barely see the the redhead’s form as she retreated deeper into the shadows. The sound of her footsteps faded into silence. The Consul hastily scrubbed the tears from his eyes and peered into the darkness that surrounded him.

“You are right, darling, you are significantly better at swordplay than I am. And you seem to be aware of all of my usual tricks. That is so irritating.” Her voice called to him from the gloom. Rian fixed upon the direction from which it came and stalked toward it.

He made his way slowly, being wary of the small pieces of debris that littered the ground and the deep pits that yawned into the darkness below. The shadows of the hangar and large piles of debris made it a perfect place for an ambush, but he refused to be caught off guard by the Sith.

But when he edged around a large pile of twisted metal, he realized that the Sith was nowhere to be found.

“You know, I always loved playing hide and seek as a child. How about you?” The redhead’s voice had a saccharine tone to it and now sounded like it was coming from further away and off to his left side.

The Consul narrowed his eyes as he realized what was happening. That woman and her damned illusions! He took a deep breath and forced himself to remember the details of the dossier he had received. He would not be brought down by mere trickery!

“Oh dear, are you not enjoying our game?” This time, her voice sounded like it was coming from only five feet in front of him. Rian growled under his breath, before reaching out to the Force. He felt the ebb and flow of the energies around him, searching for her presence—

— and quickly found it. Through his link in the Force, he could sense her presence, dark and cold. She had retreated back toward the hangar entrance.

“Ready or not, here I come,” he muttered as he turned to retrace his steps.

Lucine had placed herself several feet in front of the hull of the spaceship and stood with her back to it. The ground in front of her was littered with large sheets of metal, but Rian noted with satisfaction that there were a few piles of debris near her that he could use in his attacks. Did she learn nothing from our previous fight? Perhaps she is not as smart as my information would suggest. He smiled grimly as he approached, considering the angle of his attack.

Her emerald eyes narrowed as he emerged from the gloom, and she fell once more in her defensive stance.

“You can’t win this,” Rian said as he approached, activating his fiery lightsaber as he moved. “My intel was very clear about your tactics. Your illusions and tricks will not work against me.”

“I will grant you that you are a formidable opponent,” Lucine replied. Though her tone was pleasant enough, her eyes had taken on a hard, determined glitter. “But I will not yield, darling. My pride will not allow it.”

“Suit yourself,” he said with a shrug. The Juggernaut launched himself forward once more, moving swiftly to engage her. He drew upon the Force to augment his strength and leapt upward, kicking off one of the debris piles and using it to launch himself higher into the air toward her. His thumb rested lightly against the ignition switch of his lightsaber, ready to use his knowledge of Trakata to sneak past her defense once more.

Lucine held her blade at the ready, watching as he sailed toward her with his blade prepared to cut her down. This time, she did not bother to block his blow. Instead, she darted back several steps to avoid it entirely.

Rian landed heavily upon one of the metal sheets, his weight causing it to shift downward. He gave a shout of surprise as he toppled into the deep pit that the metal had hidden. He tried to twist, to brace himself, but it was to no avail. He felt a sickening crunch as the bones in his right leg shattered beneath the force of his fall, followed by a bolt of agony from his now broken leg.

Lucine offered him a smirk from the edge of the pit. His hand twitched toward his slugthrower, but she backed out of his view before he could draw it. “I do hate it when people know about my reliance on illusions ahead of time,” she called down to him from just out of view. “It forces me to get creative. Fortunately, I was able to get here first. It gave me ample time to manipulate the field of battle.”

Rian ground his teeth against the pain that seared his senses. He glared up at the opening of the pit, before looking down at the yellow-white pieces of bone that had torn through the flesh of his leg. He took a deep breath, steeling himself, before drawing on the Force to heal the injury. But the pain distracted him and it quickly became clear that it would take a long time to mend the injury.

“But fortunately, darling, I have no wish to kill you either. I am also not entirely without a heart.” He looked up in time to see something sail over the edge of the pit and clatter to the ground next to him. It was a grappling hook. “Here. Use it in good health!”

He listened to her retreating footsteps as she made her way to the hangar entrance. Within a few minutes, she was gone.

Grot, 20 March, 2019 12:33 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

While the previous post may have felt a bit generic, this post definitely moves past that hang-up. The hide-and-go-seek game between the two characters was clever and interesting, and the ultimate culmination of the fight took advantage of both characters respective personalities. Lucine’s cunning ability to prepare her own ground and set a trap felt very in character, while Rian’s hot-headed and overconfident personality provides the perfect victim to her scheming. Overall a very strong ending.

Can Be Improved

While the story definitely improved, I still felt like the story was lacking a real emotional punch or “Wow!” moment to set it apart. You’re on the cusp of greatness here, but it just lack a certain subtle artistry that would earn it a perfect score.