Battlemaster Lucine Vasano vs. Battlemaster Kul'tak Drol

Battlemaster Lucine Vasano

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Sith, Seeker
vs.

Battlemaster Kul'tak Drol

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Zabrak, Sith, Shadow
Comment

Hello, and I must sound like a broken record when I thank you both for participating in the Spring ACC tournament. This was a fantastic match, with one of the best opening I have yet seen in the ACC, and i have to say i was hooked from the start. Both of you did a great job, and don't let the scores fool you, it was extremely close.

Getting the simple things out of the way, there was nothing remarkable to mention on the Syntax and Continuity front. Lucine was better proofed, earning advantage, and neither participant had any outstanding trouble with continuity.

Realism wise we see a gap open between the two opponents. Lucine blundered twice in her use of illusion, with some stray words and combat description dragging her score down here, while Kul remained sterling in this technical aspect of the match. All else being equal, this might have won him the match, and I'd highly recommend paying attention to the exact wording used when representing these sorts of powers in the futures. The careless change of a word can take an otherwise alright scenario and change it to a completely different one in the eyes of the reader. What was alright in your head, suddenly becomes baffling to an outside observer.

Despite these errors however, the differences in story more than managed to make up points for Lucine. Kul deserves special mention in this arena as, despite having amazing openings to both his posts that might have secured him the win, a crucial lack of consistency dragged his score down low enough that Lucine, much more solid on the whole, could squeeze out an extra point.

Ultimately this difference of a point ended up being the deathblow, securing Lucine Vasano as the winner of the match. Don't let the margin between the two scores deceive, this was extremely close, and i want to see both of you back in the ACC soon. I know Lucine will be, as she's moving on to the next round of the Tournament. I wish you the best of luck!

Hall Spring 2019 ACC Championship
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Battlemaster Lucine Vasano, Battlemaster Kul'tak Drol
Winner Battlemaster Lucine Vasano
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Battlemaster Lucine Vasano's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlemaster Kul'tak Drol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Naboo: Theed Royal Palace
Last Post 19 April, 2019 1:54 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Grot
Syntax - 15%
Kul'tak Drol Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: A number of minor errors, but nothing egregious. Rationale: Very, **very** few errors, well done.
Story - 40%
Kul'tak Drol Lucine Vasano
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: I wish I could give you a four here, because I absolutely adored your set-up. Everything about it was cool and cinematic, and it felt like the perfect melding of your characters to the setting. Your motivations were interesting and well explained, and nothing felt particularly tacked on or cliche in how things were done. Despite this, however, and other great parts of your story, there was a lack of consistency that I couldn't, in good conscious, award a higher score. The pacing is poor and certain parts of the story are too confusing. This is a three, but a high-grade, sterling three. Rationale: The pacing, level of detail, and description were all on point. I really loved the story here, and felt it was an excellent piece of work. Despite this, I felt it ran into a small snag with pacing near the end of the match. After Kul dies, there's a big, extended epilogue section that i thought might have been cut down to preserve the stories integrity. Nonetheless, the extremely solid writing throughout the whole of the post easily earns advantage
Realism - 25%
Kul'tak Drol Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No errors were noted. Rationale: Two errors regarding illusion were noted.
Continuity - 20%
Kul'tak Drol Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors were noted. Rationale: No errors were noted.
Kul'tak Drol's Score: 4.05 Lucine Vasano's Score: 4.27
Posts

Naboo Theed Royal Palace

A magnificent edifice located on the edge of a cliff in Naboo’s capital city, Theed serves as the the Royal Palace for the Royal Houses of Naboo. It also houses the planet’s monarch and acts as the nerve center of government. Despite a Separatist Trade Federation invasion and a failed Imperial attempt to render Naboo uninhabitable, the palace has weathered each storm.

The massive complex was designed with sandstone-like blocks that help make the palace the largest structure in the city. The blocks form into tall towers and rotundas with cupolas that are covered in green tile. A central, drum-shaped structure takes up the majority of the complex while a narrow tower signifies its highest point. Watch towers overlook the cliff face, strategically placed to detect a rear attack from the valley below.

Naboo Theed Royal Palace

Surrounded by a vast garden, the palace boasts a hangar and secret passages leading to the various buildings in the complex. Resembling a moat in design, a pool in the garden is capable of being drained to close off access after the bridge is raised. Entrance and exit into the garden require a passcode to circumvent the security gate.

Inside, the palace is filled with vast, cavernous corridors embellished by Naboo’s own artisans. Its splendor is a showcase of the planet’s greatest sculptors and craftsmen. The main entrance is located at a terminus of the Palace Plaza, a broad promenade which was crowned at the opposite end by the Palace Courtyard, erected in the aftermath of the Trade Federation invasion. The Triumphal Arch stands halfway between the fountain-filled courtyard and the steps of the palace, which are lined with towering statues of famed philosophers who helped shape the constitution of Naboo's government.

Naboo Theed Royal Palace

Within one of the lower rotundas near to the entrance lies the throne room of the planet's monarch, a vaulted chamber with tall windows. The throne rests behind the desk of office with several chairs around which to accommodate members of the court. The throne was made not only for comfort to reflect the calm serenity maintained on the planet, but also for functionality. Control panels on the armrests monitor incoming transmissions and several holdout pistols are kept securely in reach.

In response to the initial Separatist invasion, the entirety of Theed was converted into a massive EMP generator and, once a series of activation terminals throughout the city have been triggered, can be activated from the throne room. It is an involved process that requires working knowledge of the system.

He actual thoughts hidden behind a genteel mask, Lucine gave a respectful curtsy to the monarch seated upon a crimson throne. The pale visage of the ruling Queen of Naboo, Sosha Soruna, moved almost imperceptibly. The only indication she had even breathed was the slow descent of white powder that dropped from the corner of her painted lips. Several of the advisory council were present, along with the standard guard detail positioned at posts around the room. Lucine felt the woman’s eyes probe her, uncertainty evident from the silence that had begun to draw itself out. As was custom within the realm of the courts, the matriarch spoke first.

“Again you have come to my planet.”

The Queen’s disinterested tone was meant to rile her, but Lucine had spent enough time in the court of her own people and was privy to such tactics. Her mouth was frozen in a curt smile and she let it remain plastered there for the time being.

“I have, your Highness. Have you given any more thought to my previous queries?”

“Words have reached my ears of this Brotherhood of yours. What I hear does not exactly inspire me to seek to join in any sort of manner with them. Perhaps your Coruscanti nobles have not yet freed themselves from the lust for corruption and oppression, but Naboo will never suffer such injustices again as long as I sit upon this throne.”

Lucine briefly let her smile fade as the displeasure she felt began rising to the surface. She opened her mouth to retort, but the head of security suddenly leaned towards the matriarch and motioned for her attention. So Lucine stopped in a reflexive sign of respect. As her head spun back to face Lucine, the Queen dug her teeth into the Scar of Remembrance on her bottom lip in consternation. She nodded her head once to the security head and he quickly motioned to the handful of the guards who suddenly pitched into action, arraying themselves with blasters pointed towards the main entrance. Confused now, the other council members got up from their seats and stood gathered around the Queen and out of the line of fire. Behind Lucine the door was shut, but a loud thump was heard through the metal. Then another. Finally giving way the door swished open. On the other side stood a male Zabrak in dark-matted armor. A cloak rested on his shoulders with the hood drawn over his head and casting a shadow about his face. His right hand was still crunched into a fist, while in his left he held an unconscious guard. Flanking either side of him were two large Massifs. Their back spines were erect and red viscera hung about the gums of their maws.

The security head shouted for the intruder to stop, but Lucine’s attention zeroed in on the unmistakable insignia carved into the buckle at his waist.

What the kriff is a Plagueian doing here?!

The Zabrak searched the faces of the room before his gaze fell on Lucine and he gave her an appraising sweep. With a silent command he ordered the Massifs to follow him inside. As he made to take his first step he stopped and looked down at the guard in his hand as if he forgot what he was doing. He dropped the body to collapse face-first on the cold floor. He cleared the threshold and stopped just inside as the orders to stop barraged him from the security team. There was no sense of urgency in the way he stood. Placing himself in an at rest stance, flanked by his pets, he pointed a gloved finger at Lucine before resting the hand on his belt.

“Someone doesn’t know when to keep their mouth shut.”

The Queen used Lucine’s confused silence to interject.

“Who are you and why have you attacked my palace in such an aggressive manner?”

Kul scoffed. He was a patient creature at times, but after having to force his way into the palace his bloodlust was still somewhat peaking and he was never in the mood for drawn out conversation to begin with.

“I’m here for the woman. Anyone who interferes will be considered a threat and dealt with. Now--” The Queen nodded to her security head and he fired a round. The plasma erupted from the barrel, but upon Kul raising his hand again the bolt crashed and dissipated as if it were just water to be slapped away. As soon as the blast rang out, the two Massifs broke off to either side. They rushed the closest guards to either side, whose panicked fire missed the zigzagging creatures. They fell upon the guards with tooth and claw. Leaving the bodies where they lay, the newly bloodied creatures returned to their master while their black eyes watched the remaining few guardsmen. The security head looked to the Queen who frowned and signaled for them to fall back.

“--are you going to accept your fate or make it interesting, Arconan?”

Lucine racked her brain for a plausible way out. Being in the palace would make escape from this Zabrak difficult, so she considered one option. She put on her best diplomat’s smile and let her eyes draw the man in. If she could get herself alone with him where he’d lower his guard she might be able to slip away.

“I will come willingly.”

Kul paused a moment before erupting in laughter that echoed through the chamber. His resounding guffaws sent a small shiver down the woman’s spine. Her heart beat began to putter faster and faster, nearly reaching a crescendo when the Zabrak removed a lightsaber from his belt and activated the long crimson blade.

“Your words are like the wind to me, Arconan. The Inquisitorius doesn’t send me when they want prisoners. Only bodies.”

With a growl Kul advanced on Lucine, his Massifs waiting patiently for their master to satisfy his incessant hunger once again.

Grot, 26 April, 2019 12:00 AM UTC

Positive Feedback

I really enjoy this set-up. It's quite honestly pone of the best I've seen in the ACC. The whole court panopoly in attendance as Lucine entreats with the Queen of Naboo, Kul’s dramatic entrance and the tense stand-off in the throne room, the intimidating Massiffs at his heels as he marches without heed into the throne room, It’s just all so cinematic and interesting. It’s something that does credit to both characters, giving each of them a reason to be there, and fully incorporates the setting seamlessly. Truly something worthy of praise.

Can be Improved

As much as I do like the setting, and the Massiffs, I thought just having them run up and maul a few guards was overwrought and dramatic, the sheer over-the-topness of it taking me out of the story. The Massiffs just charge through a hail of blaster fire, mauling like three or four guards without retribution, and quietly retreat back to their master while the rest of the security detail just… stops firing. Kul’s Intimidation score or Terror ability isn’t nearly enough to justify this sort of reaction, it’s just kind of stupidity on the part of the security force. No competent guards would act this way, they’d keep firing as they escorted the queen out of the room, killing the Massiffs if they could or at least buying time for the queen to escape while they got mauled. This whole scene should have been dropped in my opinion, it’s slaughter simply for the sake of slaughter so much that it distracts from the real meat of the story. Just having the guards draw back when they realize Kul is a Force-user would have been enough.

Continuing on this point, the pacing in this first post is also extremely slow, in part because of Kul’s intimidating entrance. There’s so much time spent pontificating on Kul’s dramatic entrance, the slaughter of the guards, and the massiff’s that there’s not actually any combat between Kul and his opponent, only between some NPC’s. All of this extra, unnecessary slaughter and such should have probably been cut in favor of an initial clash between Lucine and Kul, especially as the post had a word limit. As it stands this really skews the story's pacing.

Lucine’s eyes narrowed as the Zabrak stalked toward her, his gait slow and confident. Her heart hammered in her chest but it was anger, not fear, that caused it to race. Months of careful planning and diplomatic groundwork to find allies against the Collective had been put in peril by this fool’s theatrics. She was not about to take his antics lightly.

The situation can be salvaged, she thought as she used her anger to draw upon the Force. Indeed, she could turn the situation to her advantage, if she played her cards right. But first, she had to deal with her would-be assailant. She released the illusion she had been using to alter her image while addressing the queen, even as she wove a new one.

The sumptuous silk court dress she had been wearing shimmered and faded before the eyes of the court, revealing black form-fitting armor. She unclipped her lightsaber from her belt with her right hand and the emerald blade flared to life.

“Be wary of the massifs,” she said aloud to the guards who stood behind her. “He can command them without words.” The members of the security team did not reply, but she did see a few of them shift their aim to the beasts. She then turned her attention toward the Zabrak as she fell into a defensive stance.

Kul’tak frowned in disappointment when he saw her defensive posture. Though he was trained in Jar’kai and not Soresu, he knew enough to recognize that her stance was terrible. There was something wrong about it, the way it left too many vital areas open. He had hoped that an Arconan Aedile would give him a decent fight, but it seemed that his hope was in vain. He darted forward with a growl, his crimson blade arcing toward the woman.

She jumped back, avoiding the attack. “Really, darling, I am disappointed. Could you really not come up with a more plausible lie? Do you really expect me to believe you are a member of the Inquisitorius?”

“I was not lying,” the Zabrak growled as he slashed at her again. She blocked, but it was a sloppy movement that only caused his disappointment to deepen. There would be no sport here, he decided. Best to simply end the woman and seek out more worthy prey. He lunged, the crimson blade humming as he aimed a deadly blow at her exposed left side.

Abruptly, her form changed as her illusion faded. The lightsaber that had been in her right hand was now in her left. She turned his blade aside, before aiming a ripost at him. It was his carefully honed reflexes that saved him, allowing him to turn his body before the attack could land. The green lightsaber scoured a burning cut in his arm, searing his flesh but cutting no deeper. He choked back a hiss of pain as he drew back several steps, the smell of burnt flesh in his nostrils.

“But who would actually believe that you are a member of the Inquisitorius? I recall the Voice giving a very public address, stating that the Inquisitorius would openly oppose the Collective. So why would they attack me while I am seeking out allies to join us in the fight against the Collective?”

“As I said, Arconan, your words are wind. I have my orders and I will carry them out,” Kul’tak grated as he unclipped and ignited his shoto blade. He could feel his rage building, a burning hatred that boiled within his stomach and drowned out the pain from his wound.

“Who benefits most if you carry out your orders?” Lucine asked. “You have assaulted the Royal Palace and killed members of its security team. If you succeed, you will have murdered a diplomat on a peaceful mission in the very seat of Naboo power. An alliance against the Collective would surely fail if that were to happen. Who would benefit from that? Not the Inquisitorius, surely.” She was satisfied to see Queen Sosha tilt her head to one side, considering her words. Her comments were for the queen, even if they were spoken to the Zabrak.

Kul’tak did not bother to answer. Instead, he darted foward, his crimson blade whirling in a series of one-handed attacks. He reserved his shoto blade for defense, primarily due to the wound on his arm. He poured all of his rage into every blow, seeking to break the woman’s defense through raw power and force of will. Lightsabers hummed and clashed as he hacked at her defenses. Little by little, she began to give ground, driven back by his merciless onslaught.

Sensing victory was near, Kul’tak threw all of his strength into his attack. It sent Lucine stumbling backward, fighting to maintain her balance. “No more words, Arconan?” he asked with a sneer. Behind him, the massifs growled, sensing that blood would soon be spilled.

Grot, 26 April, 2019 12:01 AM UTC

Positive Feedback

You pick up and run with Kul’s premise in a perfect continuation of the story. It flows seamlessly from post to post, and if i didn’t know better it almost feels coordinated. I know it isn’t, but that’s just testimony to your ability to pick up a story and run with it.

The story is also extremely well paced, with plenty of action interspersed with some surprisingly clever character moments. The banter between the two opponents, the queen watching on from her throne, all of it feels incredibly dramatic and extremely satisfying.

Can be Improved

A single syntax problem, so close to perfection!

Kul’tak did not bother to answer. Instead, he darted foward...

The use of Illusion in this post brings up a problem with realism. The entire ACC staff was puzzling over the illusion, and what exactly Lucine did to accomplish it, and came up with the most likely answer that she had conjured an illusionary blade in her off-hand while the real one was concealed in her palm or something. Most any other interpretation is strictly impossible with how Illusion works in our system. However, this most likely interpretation also raises the issue that Lucine physically blocks with the illusionary blade one paragraph before it’s revealed to be illusionary. I’m not sure if this was just a goof and it was meant to say "dodge", but either way it’s in error, as illusionary objects can't block physical objects.

Lucine felt the desk of the Queen’s throne get closer and closer as Kul pressed his attack deeper. Though injured, his main arm still managed to give her trouble due to his raw ferocity. He waylaid her with heavy blows in an attempt to keep her from regaining a foothold by utilizing each strike as a focused, powerful cross-swing. As he did so, Lucine noted he had to move his shoto saber a bit wide to compensate for the room needed to swing his main saber hard enough. She smiled inwardly.

Just like some other meat heads I know. All power, no finesse.

As the edge the desk bumped the back of her heel, she quickly lowered her waist and waited for the strike. His saber cut back from its previous swing. Instead of taking the brunt of the attack and deflecting as she had been doing, Lucine instead opted to to meet the blow halfway. She lanced her saber forward and slipped it into the open space between the Zabrak’s two sabers. Kul was able to guard the blow, but as Lucine expected he used the momentum of the larger saber to block with it instead of the shoto. The woman twisted her wrist and deftly flicked the emerald blade in tight coils. Her saber swirled, catching the Zabrak’s within its vortex and pulling it from his weakened grasp. The saber sailed unceremoniously through the air, clattering next to one of the remaining security guards who quickly grabbed it awkwardly while it was still activated. Lucine rested her saber pointed at the Zabrak, letting herself feel a modicum of satisfaction at her triumph.

“Care to surrender now, darling? I really do have much better things planned for today then playing with you. I wonder what the Inquisitorius would think if they knew you were masquerading as one of their agents on what appears to be some sort of personal vendetta? Though what that might be, I do not know.”

She did not really expect him to surrender outright, but making a show of her victory would hopefully alleviate whatever political clout had been lost with the Queen today. She squinted her eyes in concentration while he deactivated his shoto and slipped it back onto his belt. He gave a cursory glance at the wound on his arm, the flesh cauterised. He was breathing somewhat heavily, but from exhaustion or pain she could not be sure. It was his next action that surprised her the most, however.

He started laughing.

Kul slipped his uninjured arm up and let his hood fall back from his head, enjoying the cool air that suddenly rushed across his scalp. His chuckles echoed off the chamber’s immaculate walls. From behind her, Lucine heard the Queen clear her throat.

“I appear to have missed the joke. Surrender, assassin. Though I cannot overlook your deeds I can at least promise a trial.”

Kul immediately stopped his amused chortles and gave the Queen a look of annoyance before ignoring her completely. He glanced at the saber hovering a few inches from his chest and then gave a cursory glance around the room, head cocked slightly.

“That was a nice trick earlier. You’re not the only one who can play those types of games, though.”

A small movement at his side pulled Lucine’s vision. She realized his hand was held open. As he finished talking he snapped it shut and a black globe emerged from nowhere to cover the area where they stood. Lucine waited for the Zabrak to enter deeper into the sphere and attack. He took a step forward, and so Lucine took a step forward too.

As he was about to enter the center of the miasma of darkness Kul immediately dropped to the floor, catching himself on his hands. His wounded arm complained, but he fought the pain and spun on his palms. As he came to face the exit and what had been his rear he lashed out with an extended leg.

Incoming.

She felt the warning nudge her, but unable to see ahead of her as she too entered the sphere the real Lucine was already too invested into a lunge with her lightsaber, her lead foot forward and arm pulled back to thrust. Her leg was swept from beneath her as the Zabrak finished his rotation. She collapsed awkwardly with a thud on her back, shock from the landing and his detection of her ploy knocking the wind from her. Her illusion faded away as her concentration broke, and he released the orb of darkness with it. She fought to get up, but a heavy boot slammed her back to the floor.

“H-how did you know?” She managed to sputter out while she caught her breath.

Kul sneered.

“It’s what I would have done in your shoes. Though, illusions tend to give themself away when in the dark. They need light to affect the eyes, after all.”

Lucine considered her options, her anger and fear rising. There had to be someway she could turn this around. She glanced pleadingly at the Queen who merely took in the scene with apathetic curiosity. A rumbling noise grabbed Lucine’s attention. She leaned her head back to see the two Massifs approach, jowls dripping with mucous. Her eyes grew wide and she tried to wriggle free of his hold but the Zabrak leaned down closer to her, weight pressed further into her chest, and grabbed her saber where she had dropped it just inches out of reach. He admired the craftsmanship and the jewel placed into the hilt before returning his attention to its owner.

“Oh them? I said I’d only leave a body, Arconan. Not how much of one. They have to eat, you know. It’s a circle, predator and prey. One lives--”

The Massifs sniffed at Lucine’s hair and face. A glob of saliva splashed onto her cheek, mingling with tears she hadn’t realized she had shed.

“--The other dies.”

Grot, 26 April, 2019 12:14 AM UTC

Positive Feedback

I love the first half of this post, almost as much as your opening. Again it feels really dramatic and interesting, extremely well described and carefully crafted. The presence of the queen, the banter back and forth and Kul’s sinister defiance as he turns the tables on Lucine. All extremely well done.

Can be Improved

I was really, utterly confused with the scene where Kul used Blackness. I’m not sure if it’s just a problem with no own comprehensions, but i had a heck of a time just trying to figure out the sequence of events. When Lucine created her illusion, what the illusion was, where Kul was and what was going on. It’s all just kind of lost in a rush of action and description that really threw me off. An unfortunate stumble in what was otherwise a really good story.

The ending also felt rather over-the-top. I absolutely cannot believe that the queen of Naboo, the ruler of a peace-loving people, would just allow a person to be mauled to death by Massiff’s right in front of her throne without a single word of protest or attempt to stop. The cruelty may be in character for Kul, but throws the setting all out of whack, feeling tacked on and unnecessary. Just give her a quick death and leave feeding the dogs for another scene.

A feral grin split Kul’tak’s face as he sensed the end was nearing. The redhead’s movements were slowing, a sure sign that fatigue was setting in. He could feel his bloodlust rise to a feverish intensity, knowing that the Arconan would soon be dead at his feet. Behind him, he could hear his massifs starting to growl and snap at each other, feeling his bloodlust and reacting in kind.

“Just as well,” he growled, ignoring snarls of the fighting massifs. “Words are the weapons of prey!” He punctuated his statement with a devastating overhead blow. Knowing that she would not have the strength to block his attack, Lucine leaped to the side. As she moved, she used her anger and fear to draw upon the dark energy of the Force to weave an illusion.

As Kul’tak watched, one woman split in two, one leaping to the left of where she had been standing while the other moved to the right. Both immediately shifted a few steps away from each other, twin sets of scarlet lips curved into a mocking smile at him.

His eyes darted back and forth, trying to determine which one was the real Lucine. At last, he noticed a difference: the one to his left moved more slowly than the one on the right. The difference was subtle but noticeable. But which one was the illusion?

The two redheads moved nearly simultaneously, closing the distance and attacking with a quick thrust aimed at his abdomen. The Zabrak used his shoto blade to sweep the blows aside, before responding with a slash toward the woman on the left. The crimson blade passed harmlessly through her. There, he decided. That one is the illusion.

Lucine frowned, and the second woman vanished. She took a step to the side and a second redhead once again split off from her. Both moved in opposite directions, flanking him. This time, Kul’tak could spot the difference immediately. Though fatigue showed on the faces of both of the redheads, the one moving to his right moved more slowly. He turned his head slightly toward the slower one, hoping to trick the real Lucine into believing he thought her double was actually her.

Both redheads attacked at roughly the same time. Kul’tak turned his body at the last possible minute, moving to block the attack of the one he thought was the real Lucine. But her lightsaber passed right through his defense. His eyes widened as he realized that he had guessed wrong, moments before her plasma blade seared through armor, flesh, bone, and the throbbing muscle that was his heart.

The heavy thud of the Zabrak’s lifeless body hitting the ground was punctuated by a high-pitched whine. Lucine turned to see that one of the massifs had wrestled the other to the ground, its jaws locked around its throat. It jerked its head, wrenching the other massif’s body violently from side to side. Abruptly, the downed creature’s whines ceased.

But the creature’s bloodlust was not sated. It slowly lifted its head and locked its eyes on the person standing nearest to it: Lucine. The Sith’s eyes widened as she realized its intent, and she brought her lightsaber around to defend herself.

Fueled by Kul’tak’s rage but no longer tethered to his will, it sprang toward the redhead. This was what the Royal Guard was waiting for, and they filled the air with blaster fire aimed toward the charging beast. But the massif was much faster than anyone had realized, and the blaster bolts missed their mark.

It crossed the distance between them in less than two heartbeats and leaped at her. She had no time to think, only to thrust her lightsaber forward as the beast used its bulk to knock her to the ground. The breath exploded from her lungs as the massif landed heavily on top of her.

Black stars exploded in front of Lucine’s eyes as she struggled to draw in a breath. She was dimly aware of the massif’s claws rending her flesh, leaving trails of fire in their wake. But that pain was nothing compared to the agony she felt when the massif buried its teeth into the soft flesh of her throat. She tried to scream, but could only manage a wet gurgle as she felt her throat get torn open.

Mere seconds seemed like an eternity as she waited for the beast to break her neck. But it merely gave a low growl, before collapsing on top of her.

She felt the weight being pushed off of her. Through the gathering shadows of unconsciousness, she saw the hole that seared the massif’s chest. Her lightsaber clattered from nerveless fingers as she reached on hand up to clutch at the ruins of her throat. Blood flowed freely between her fingers. Her mouth moved, but the only thing that emerged from her lips was a crimson froth. Her vision swam as she saw the Guard Captain turn, snapping out orders. Abruptly, the gathering shadows rushed in. There was no more pain, only darkness.

Queen Sosha rose from her throne and moved at a stately pace until she stood over the redhead’s supine form. Moments later, a medic appeared and began trying to administer aid to the fallen woman.

“You will live,” she told the unconscious Force-user. “Indeed, I insist on it. I have many questions for you. In particular, I would like to know why another Force-User would stage a frontal assault on my palace. He killed many of my people, and I want to know why.”

The medic glanced around at the carnage that Kul’tak had caused. “Forgive me, my Queen, but what happens if you’re not satisfied with her answers?” he asked, as he returned his attention to keeping the redhead alive.

“Then we shall see what representatives from the Collective have to say,” Sosha replied. “One way or the other, someone is going to answer for the lives lost here today.”

Grot, 26 April, 2019 12:35 AM UTC

Positive Feedback

The second use of illusion in this post is extremely well done, and perfectly represents Lucine’s manipulative nature as a character. At first i thought it was quite dumb that Lucine was trying the same trick twice in a row, but then the moment where I realized that she intentionally baited Kul with this second attempt was great. An excellent bit of combat writing.

Can be Improved

You’ve run into another realism issue with the use of Illusion here. During the initial clash where Lucine and her illusionary clone attack Kul, Kul uses his Shoto saber to “sweep the blades aside” before directing a strike at one of the two attackers. With this attack he determines which one was a clone, but he shouldn’t have had to in the first place. He’s physically “swept aside” the illusionary attack along with the real one, his saber should have gone right through the illusionary blade, and confirmed which one of them was real. There should have been no reason to further test, he should have just directed a strike at the real Lucine and ended it there.

The extended epilogue bit at the end really ruins your otherwise sterling pacing up to this point. After the Death of Kul it felt like the post really meandered, and this section might have been cut down or cleaned up to better preserve the punch of Killing Kul. Right now it makes up close to half of the entire ending post, which feels quite a bit overboard for an epilogue.