Hunter Sera Kaern vs. Knight Karran Val'teo

Hunter Sera Kaern

Journeyman 3, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Female Zabrak, Force Disciple, Marauder
vs.

Knight Karran Val'teo

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Zabrak, Sith, Juggernaut
Comment

My apologies for blowing past our deadline for getting this wrapped up; my absence combined with health issues and holidays on the part of my staff meant that this took longer to get judged than it should have.

This was an enjoyable match to read. While still relatively new, Karran has got several bouts under his belt now and I think that experience helped lead to some vivid and flowing combat narration. Sera, for her part, put in a very strong showing for a complete newcomer. I know the ACC can have an intimidating learning curve, so it's always impressive when someone avoids all the pitfalls starting out.

I hope to see you both return for more matches, and hopefully continue the friendly rivalry between your characters in the ACC.

Ultimately, there can be only one winner, and today that winner is Sera Kaern! Congratulations, and welcome to the ACC.

As always, please feel free to reach out to us at acc_staff@googlegroups.com if you'd like any further guidance on this match.

Archenksov
Combat Master

Hall Duelist Hall
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Hunter Sera Kaern, Knight Karran Val'teo
Winner Hunter Sera Kaern
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Hunter Sera Kaern's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Karran Val'teo's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Ilum: Crystal Cave
Last Post 3 October, 2019 9:27 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Headmistress Alethia Archenksova
Syntax - 15%
Battlemaster Karran Val'teo Sera Kaern
Score: 4 (Advantage) Score: 4
Rationale: Minor errors; see post comments. Advantage here is really a formality, as both of you were in the same league. Rationale: Minor errors; see post comments. Advantage here is really a site-necessitated formality, as both of you were in the same league.
Story - 40%
Battlemaster Karran Val'teo Sera Kaern
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Solid, but not dazzling. Per the Rubric, to move up to a 4 here we'd be looking for "significant context is provided explaining the characters' motivations and purpose for being in the venue. The description of the fighting itself will also be varied. The features of the environment are highlighted in the descriptions and matter for the story." I think you gave me varied descriptions of the fighting, but I could have used more of a sense of place and motivations. Rationale: Your ending is what pushed this up to a 4. I think you leaned more heavily on the characterization and the combatants' relationship and aspects than your opponent, which is what gave you the advantage here.
Realism - 25%
Battlemaster Karran Val'teo Sera Kaern
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: See the comments on your first post. Rationale: No issues.
Continuity - 20%
Battlemaster Karran Val'teo Sera Kaern
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors. Rationale: No errors.
Battlemaster Karran Val'teo's Score: 4.12 Sera Kaern's Score: 4.45
Posts

Ilum Crystal Cave

On a planet of dangerous myths, shocking fables and unspoken legends, there is also beauty. Dispersed around the untamed world are flaws: cracks formed through thousands of years of glacial rivers rushing and destroying cliffs, scooping away the soil and digging crevices untouched by all but a handful of explorers from ages long past. Isolated at the southern tip of Ilum, this particular ravine is close to the planet’s core. No-one ever dared to dive directly down into the darkness of the ravine, instead opting for laser drills that bore a tunnel into the nearby glacier. Uncharted and unexplored, this passageway is a place of nightmares for those who venture to its depths. The half-eaten carcasses of explorers who have met an untimely end litter the ravine’s descent—a warning to those who might choose to venture too far. Whether these men and women fell to their deaths, or had been murdered remains lost to the long-forgotten histories of the ravine.

The antechamber of the Crystal Cave is wide and cavernous with a winding walkway carved out of the stone itself and smoothed over with glacial elegance. The pathway ascending upwards to the top of the cave where a resilient sheet of ancient stone weathers against the raging winds from Ilum’s winter skies. At the base of the walkway is a platform of old stone used for meditation in times past.

Ilum Crystal Cave

Leaving the main antechamber leads to other tunnels carved and abandoned by miners and treasure hunters. Glinting like candlelight against the unforgiving darkness of the deep and untrodden cave, translucent clusters of kyber crystals crystals reflect the light. Untouched for decades, this place was once a common destination for Jedi Padawans seeking to build their first lightsabers. The sides of the cavern stretch vertically, terminating in a vaulted arch that was carved with embellishments some time ago. On each side of the walls, various ports and alcoves distinguish in the light. Some are known to be rivers of purified water, as displayed by the translucent sheets of ice glistening along the alcove walls.

Illum

37 BBY

Sera despised Illum’s cold. She was a desert dweller, adapted to the oppressive heat of Iridonia’s dunes, the boiling glare of its murderous sun. Not to skin-peeling wind, cold enough to your nose through a bantha-fur cowl. Not the blinding snow, caking your clothing, smothering your breath, weighing you down. Certainly not how wet everything was. The cave, as eerie as it was, was still a relief. Sort of.

Tali, her adoptive ‘master’ in the ways of The Force, had sent her here for what she’d called 'The final step'; to gather a kyber crystal for her lightsaber. She’d been dropped off in the snow with little more than her skins and her knives, forced to use The Force to keep her body from turning into a zabraksicle, with vague directions that had led her…

To something quite unlike quite unlike anything she had ever seen before. Stepping out into the cavern, Sera felt her breath catch in her chest; the sheer grandeur of it all was shocking. The darkness that she’d expected from the cave gave away, breaking into a prismatic, multicolored glow, the ceiling above her vaulting up and away, into distant obscurity. The stone pathway before her was smooth, intricately carved as it winded up and away, towards the other side of the antechamber. As Sera’s gaze moved along the sinuous, arching curves, she froze. There was a figure, kneeling at the start of the path, dressed in dark, loosely-cut robes. Behind him, a large droid lay in dormancy. His face was familiar.

"Karran? Dou ashalro chu hai yol tir, ankar?"

“What brings you to this place, hunter?”

Facing her, Karran stood, his expression indecipherable. Slowly, he stepped toward her, speaking in a low tone, the harsh chops of the zabraki tongue barely audible.

“Shakan ter ina kar ka Rite, Ankara. Ven ta mira. Ankar nat kalan ezit.”

“Force be with you in your Rite, Huntress. May you fight well. I won't let you off easily.”

With a sudden flourish and a flash of blood-red light, Karran’s lightsabre exploded into life in his hands, arcing around in a savage, two handed swing, right at Sera’s neck. She felt the blow about to come, a second before it did. Cursing, she dove, rolling out of the way of the blow as Karran stepped forward, pursuing her. Blast it! She’d put herself at an immediate disadvantage, letting him get so close without even a challenge, failing to see his intent. Even worse, he seemed fully intent on pressing what he’d been given; stance wide, Karran maintained a constant offensive, pushing her farther and farther back with wide, sweeping blows, giving her no room to think.

Dodging back from another strike, Sera gave a low growl. She didn’t have the defensive chops to keep up like this. She needed time to plan her attack. Space. He wasn’t going to give it to her...so she’d just have to take it.

Dipping one hand to her belt, Sera pulled a throwing knife, and let fly with a smooth, underhanded cast. Karran batted it away without even blinking, sparks flying as he cut the puny knife through; but, that gave her exactly what she was looking for. The second taken to cut through her attack gave her time to press inward before the next blow, stepping inside of his guard to deliver a short series of sharp blows; a strike to the gut, knocking his breath from his lungs, an oblique-kick to his left knee, ripping away his balance, and finally, pulling her strength in, one hard shove, The Force sending Karran flying backwards as she pushed.

Grunting, the larger zabrak tucked and rolled, sliding smoothly onto his knees as a grin came to his face. That had been, altogether, far too much fun. With about fifteen feet between them now, Sera dropped into stance; ready, this time.

"Yot meni ti holel de, Karran."

“That was a dirty move, Karran.”

"Chu bolo falu yot dyneshun chu hiso s'lihelu. Yat... tiahlit, tzellelru."

“You only say that because you came unprepared. Still... good moves, my friend"

"Chu biya to oa avtu, eit."

“You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“Oh, I would hope so.” He responded in soft-basic, smirking as his grip returned to his saber. She drew her dagger in turn, one throwing knife held ready in her free hand. This time, she would prepared. Even with that stupid glowstick of his... he was going to be in for a hell of a time.

Three steps were laid out in her mind, as close to a plan as she would ever get. Just like last time, she would get inside his guard, rip away the saber, and then hit him where it hurt. A knee to the balls would probably do.

Growling, Sera sprinted forward, happy to press the attack.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 17 October, 2019 11:24 AM UTC

What Went Well

This is one of those things that I feel like should be cliche, but in fact it’s quite rare to see anyone dive into the ACC before knighthood and this might be the first match I’ve seen where a padawan/apprentice-type fought on Ilum as part of constructing their first lightsaber.

This also doesn’t feel like a first-ever ACC post. I don’t know if you’ve been reading my reports, or you have excellent tutors, or if you’re just inherently awesome, but you delivered all the ingredients required to start a match off on the right foot. I finished this with a sense of who these two characters were to one another and why they were fighting, and I got enough action to carry me into the middle post.

Room for Growth

While your syntax was generally strong, there were two minor issues, one of which was repeated throughout both posts. The F in Force is capitalized, but the article in front of it shouldn’t be, i.e. “the Force” not “The Force.” The other is simply that in published Stars Wars works, including UK/Commonwealth localizations, it’s always “lightsaber” and not “lightsabre.” As mentioned, these are minor issues that didn’t detract much from your overall post.

The way you handled the Zabraki isn’t a problem, but personally I think it was wise of you to drop it in the second post once the idea was established. I’m highlighting it here because, while this doesn’t matter for a casual match, our events frequently include word caps and you’d want to avoid spending them on conlanging.

Karran didn’t show it, but he felt a twinge of pride for his Zabraki sister-in-arms. She had improved greatly since the first day they met, but there was one final test she had to pass. He allowed the woman to close the gap and put himself on the defensive. He intentionally gave ground, using his superior size, strength, and stamina to keep from being thrown off balance by the quick little Marauder.

Step by step, they moved through the winding tunnels of the cave system. The confined area made kept the two limited in their options. Finally, the tunnel opened up into a large cavern. Karran saw the opportunity and jumped back across the natural chamb3t augmenting the strength of his legs with the Force. He stood up straight and watched as the smaller Zabrak breathed heavily, catching her breath.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t let me off easy,” Sera managed to get the words out through her breaths in their native tongue.

“I will not. I am simply teaching you a lesson,” Karran’s words came out cold and flat returning their shared language.

The male Zabrak extended a hand towards the woman, reaching out and focusing for a moment before tightening his grip in the air. A warning light flashed in the back of Sera’s mind, and she dove to the side, but the experienced Sith’s focus remained on her. She recovered her stance and prepared to charge Karran again, but felt herself stop suddenly as an unseen grip took her by the throat. The smaller Zabrak was quickly lifted and thrown back, landing and sliding along the smooth floor of the caves.

“If an opponent is willingly giving ground, do not let them retreat back to a distance where they are out of your reach, but you are still in theirs. Always press your advantage.”

The Sith flicked his wrist, sending his crimson-bladed lightsaber through the air, arcing towards his supine opponent. Once again, Sera heard and felt a warning through the Force. She threw her feet up and rolled back over her head, standing upright once again and jumping back as the lightsaber gouged the ground where she had just been. The strike sent sparks and molten stone into the air in the wake of the blade’s destructive path as it returned to its owner.

Karran strode towards his opponent, confidently. “Perhaps your master was wrong. Perhaps you are not ready for your lightsaber. Shame. I thought you were better than this.”

Sera listened to these words. They didn’t sound like the words of her friend. They were cold. It was almost as if he intended to hurt her. Was he just trying to get an emotional rise out of her? Was that the point of this test? To tempt her to give in entirely to her emotions?

"I'm not done yet, you bastard!” The Marauder shouted out at her opponent.

The smaller Zabrak charged the approaching Sith, hunting knife clutched in her hand. Once again, Karran reached out his hand, intending to grip Sera by the throat once again. The furious Hunter threw her legs forward to slide along the floor of the cave, avoiding Karran’s telekinetic grip, and slashing her knife across his thigh, cutting deep. Blood quickly poured from the wound, and pooled on the cave floor.

The Knight dropped to one knee, the wound on his thigh throbbing as it bled. He gritted his teeth and stood up slowly, his two hearts pounded in his chest like war drums, and pushed him on. Karran’s eyes narrowed as he focused on the smaller Zabrak a few feet in front of him.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 17 October, 2019 11:24 AM UTC

What Went Well

This was a good combat post, with enough damage to keep the stakes real but not so much as to make the final posts a foregone conclusion.

Room for Growth

There were some syntax issues here that a proofreader could have caught, which mar an otherwise well-written post:

The confined area made kept the two limited in their options…

...jumped back across the natural chamb3t…

This passage also gave me pause from a Realism standpoint:

The smaller Zabrak charged the approaching Sith, hunting knife clutched in her hand. Once again, Karran reached out his hand, intending to grip Sera by the throat once again. The furious Hunter threw her legs forward to slide along the floor of the cave, avoiding Karran’s telekinetic grip, and slashing her knife across his thigh, cutting deep. Blood quickly poured from the wound, and pooled on the cave floor.

Ultimately, I’m going to err on the side of the member here, but the way this is written makes it sound like Sera dodged an invisible hand. This is what Grot and I had to say about it during the judgment process:

Arch: I'm on the fence about this being a detractor. You shouldn't be able to dodge TK like it's a projectile, but that said I don't see an issue with the basic premise that Karran was trying to grab Sera but she slid forward too quickly and struck before he could attack.

Grot: You can't dodge TK. It just happens, the thing moves, it’s not like an invisible hand reaching out to you that you can dodge, it's a physical force applied instantaneous from a distance.

Again, I’ve ultimately decided not to dock you a point for this instance because of the ambiguity in the wording, but it’s something to be aware of going forward.

Sera cursed under her breath, crimson blood glinting in the soft glow of the cave as it dripped from her dagger, running in thin rivulets down Karran’s thigh. She hadn’t meant to cut that deep, but in the moment, she’d just… lost control. As they often did, her emotions had gotten the better of her. Now, the enjoyment that she had felt in the good fight was gone. Karran was a part of the test, a measure of her self control, if she was correct. More importantly, he was her friend; friends didn’t hurt friends. She had to be better. Not that the blasted katkattin was making it easy, trying to take her head off with his stupid bloody glowstick, choking her out like a Wookie playing smashball. Meatheaded idiot.

”I think we've had enough, Karran

“No! Fight, you runt. Show me you're worthy... or run back home, and never come back.”

The older, larger Zabrak growled, his face tensing in concentration, bending The Force to his will as he advanced slowly forward, the energy coursing through him forcing his body to ignore the pain of walking, for the moment, at least. His chosen form was an offensive one; it left no time and little spare energy to concentrate on healing. Just enough to grant a reprieve from the pain, while he humbled the young whelp before him. He lost control without even thinking of it; just a moment of anger, and suddenly it consumed him, building like a hurricane within. With a snarl, he gripped his saber tightly in hand and advanced.

Sera did not give him time to close the gap slowly, even if it would have exacerbated the wound; that wasn’t her way. Instead, she bounded forward to meet him head on. The tactic had worked earlier; if she could just get inside of his guard…

A lightning-fast flash of the saber nearly cut her legs out from under her at the shins, only barely avoided with a desperate jump upwards. Even as she came down and pushed into his guard, Karran didn’t relent. Cutting off another sliver of his mind and bending it to the Force, he swelled his muscles with power, sweeping from the side with his elbow, cracking it into Sera’s crown. The smaller female gasped, stumbling away, her vision blurred. Karran, for his part, was bleeding steadily from two wounds now. His elbow had caught one of her horns, gouging deeply into the flesh, but he hadn’t noticed, his pain receptors dulled as they were.

Sera took a step back, gathering her breath. This wasn’t working; dashing in as she was, attempting hit and run strikes, she was only wearing herself out as Karran advanced steadily and aggressively further. The wounds that she dealt out meant nothing when he shrug them off, his mind blunted by The Force, addled by his own growing rage, and the pain dulled by his thick Zabraki skull. His eyes had turned an ugly, sickly yellow; what did that even mean? She needed to finish this stupid Rite, before Karran cut her in twain, and before he bled to death without even realizing it.

She wasn’t going to give up; not now, not ever. All she needed was… a little change in tactics. Grinding her teeth as she was forced backwards, Sera reached out with her mind, forcing through the ringing pain of her head-wound. Even as she grew closer, step by step, to a chasm yawning behind her, the Zabrak forced out a steadying breath, and gently probed at Karran’s psyche.

The first touch almost made her recoil; he was spitting mad, his thoughts and actions consumed with an anger that seemed impenetrable, a swirling, cyclonic sandstorm of emotion. It was completely unlike anything that she had felt from him before. But, even still, sweat beading down her brow at the effort, she pushed inward. It was difficult, and as novice as she was, Sera couldn’t pick up much more than the simplest emotions. With every second that ticked by, Karran’s sweeping strokes grew closer, the red of the saber shining against the perspiration on her body. She could barely muster enough concentration to dodge, growing closer and closer to the gap behind her, only inches separating her from a slip that she would never recover from, a fall that would leave her as just another shattered piece of Illum’s history. Only feet now.

And then, she found it, hovering just underneath the anger. Guilt. Regret. This wasn’t what Karran had wanted, she realized; he’d simply lost control, much as she had. She could get through to him. Grimacing, she bent the whole of her mind onto it, even as he brought his saber forward, missing by mere centimeters. Too close; and her next step backwards further sealed her fate, a slurry of frost and dust kicking over the edge of the chasm. There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. Sera’s blue eyes, still remarkably clear of fear, squeezed shut.. Karran brought his saber up, double-handed grip tightening for the blow. There was a hiss as the blood-red blade descended towards Sera’s neck.

And stopped, an inch from her flesh.

”Do you hear me, Karran?”

The male Zabrak’s face froze, eyes locking onto Sera’s. They were still lidded; she was trembling from the effort of the words, spoken directly into the vault of Karran’s mind, piercing the cloud of anger like a ray of Iridonian sunlight. Gently, his own eyes closed.

”You’re better than this. Stronger. You’ve done enough, my friend. Just let it go.”

Black gloved fingers twitched on the saber’s hilt, relaxing from their death grip. His eyes blinked open. Back to their normal shade. Then, they widened in sudden shock, a gasp breaking his lips.

Sera had kicked him in the groin. Hard. . Very hard. Face purpling, he staggered backwards, the combination of shock and sudden pain shattering his concentration. A wave of exhaustion slammed into him at the same time as Sera’s subsequent spinning kick, which caught him directly in the side of the head.

Like a sack of oh so many bricks, Karran crumpled to the floor, groaning as his lightsaber slid from limp fingers. Sera caught it with the toe of her boot before it rolled over the edge, kicking the blasted thing away. Then, she knelt down by her friend’s side, gently patting him on the back as he writhed. When she spoke, she did it gently, abandoning formal tone for a softer, slightly less guttural dialect. The kind used among friends… and family.

”Y'know, I think I see the point now. The Rite... it's not just a challenge, something to see if I can fight, is it? Tali could have done that. Any old bot could have done that."

Carefully, she used one of her throwing knives to cut a strip from Karran’s robes, gently binding the wound on his thigh. As she did the same for the gouge on his elbow, she picked up speaking where she had left off.

"It was a test. To see if I could fight a friend. To see if I could let go. Kind of a harsh move on Tali's part."

On the ground, Karran nodded his head slightly, wincing as Sera cinched the bandage at his elbow. She stood up silently, gathering herself.

"I hope this answers that question. I will fight, Karran. I won't give in, especially if you pull an idiot move like that again. But, I won't forget friendship, either. I won't ruin what I have. Too precious."

The Zabrak turned on her heel, peering into the deeper interior of the cave. She could see a shine back there, somewhere; a golden glint that caught her eye. Slowly, she began to pace towards it, away from Karran. As an afterthought, she shot one last statement over her shoulder.

"If you need an icepack, friend, there's plenty of snow. I'm gonna go make a damned lightsaber."

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 17 October, 2019 11:25 AM UTC

What Went Well

This was a great take on both characters’ aspects, but particularly the tension between Karran’s “Fighting makes friendship” and “The Beast within.” Delivering strong combat writing can be tricky enough without establishing a character-driven theme like that, so hats off to you.

The crotch shot was also a nice touch.

Room for Growth

As with your first post, my issues are really quite minor. First, you mention inches and then switch to centimeters in the next paragraph. While metric is standard for Star Wars, the real issue is just being consistent. There were some minor syntax issues, in addition to ‘The Force’ as mentioned in your first post:

The wounds that she dealt out meant nothing when he shrug[ged] them off...

...a fall that would leave her as just another shattered piece of [Ilum]’s history.

Karran Val’teo limped toward Sera Kaern. He held his lightsaber active at his side. The Sith circled around the Hunter like a predator eyeing its prey. Sera, on the other hand, was not about to allow her opponent the opportunity to make the first move. She threw another knife at the taller Zabrak before charging in. Karran summoned a shield of Force energy and the knife rebounded off of it harmlessly. The smaller of the two quickly darted in and attempted to slash across the muscled abdomen of Karran. The Sith’s senses blared and he jumped back, narrowly avoiding the blade.

“Good. Feel your passion. Do you hate me?”

Sera let out an aggressive yell as she sought to close the distance again. Her hunting knife glinted in the light as it slashed back and forth. Karran dodged to the left and right. He was wary of the blade that had previously left a deep cut across his thigh. He was waiting for an opening. It finally came when Sera overextended herself. Karran jumped back, twisting himself horizontally in the air, parallel to the ground. As he landed, he used the momentum to bring his leg up into a kick, driving his shin into Sera’s abdomen. The force of the kick lifted the smaller Zabrak off the ground a few inches. Karran felt his injured leg buckle under his weight and dropped to one knee. Realizing this vulnerability, he reached out a hand and sent out a wave of telekinetic energy through Sera, pushing her away.

Sera rolled and tumbled as she came down to the ground. She pulled herself into a three-point stance and slid back a few more feet. She looked up at Karran. His complexion was beginning to pale. She shifted her attention to his leg. The bloodstain was almost imperceptible against the maroon fabric of his pants, especially in the low light of the caves, but it was there. The larger Zabrak’s breathing was coming in shallow and haggard. He stood up shakily, favoring his wounded leg and putting his weight on his right leg.

Sera charged in again, channeling the Force into her legs over several seconds. When she was still a few meters away, she jumped over Karran, clearing over his head and coming down behind him. As she landed, she released another knife in his direction. The blade sunk into the back of the Sith’s other thigh.

Karran fell to his knees. Both of his legs were now bleeding, and one of them still had a blade lodged into the dense muscle. He reached behind him to pull out the knife that had lodged itself into his thigh. It dropped to the ground; the sound of metal hitting stone echoed off of the cave walls. Karran deactivated his lightsaber and affixed it to his belt once again. He stood up, both legs shaking under his weight. He felt energy flow into his legs, strengthening and revitalizing them. The Juggernaut charged at Sera, intending to tackle her. As he connected, he drove his shoulder into her abdomen and pushed through her, slamming her into the wall. He put a hand on her throat, holding her against the hard stone. He clenched his fist and drove it into her abdomen. Sera attempted to return the punch, but her shorter arms couldn’t reach. Karran reared his head back and drove his horned forehead into the smaller Zabrak.

Sera’s vision flashed white, when it returned, it was fuzzy and spotted with black splotches. She barely held onto her hunting knife. Desperately, she tried to pry Karran’s grip off of her throat, but could not break the Sith’s grip. Finally, she brought the knife up and slashed it down across the Juggernaut’s arm. Karran pulled his arm back, releasing Sera. As the smaller Zabrak dropped down to the ground, she drove the knife up into his abdomen, burying the blade deep before pulling it out.

Karran reeled back, pressing his hands against the wound in his stomach, trying to staunch the bloodflow. He dropped down to his knees once again.

“Very good. It is a pity. You would have made a good Sith.” Karran fell prone, closing his eyes and channeling the Force to control the flow of blood and slow the beating of his hearts to be almost imperceptible.

Sera stood up, she went to check for a pulse on her fallen foe. Finding none, she stood and continued on her way.

Hearing Sera’s receding footsteps, Karran shifted his concentration to heal his wounds, after all, he would not want to miss the look on Sera’s face when he meets her at the cave entrance.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 17 October, 2019 11:30 AM UTC

What Went Well

This was, again, a strong post for combat. Your exchanges flowed well and logically. I was a little concerned about godmodding through the injury to Karran’s leg, but ultimately I think you handled it well.

I particularly enjoyed the ending twist. While a part of me wishes I’d gotten to see that encounter written out, I think it was the right decision to end the match where you did instead of going all Lord of the Rings with your ending.

Room for Growth

One verb tense issue:

he would not want to miss the look on Sera’s face when he [met] her at the cave entrance