Augur Cimozjen Kurios vs. Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea

Augur Cimozjen Kurios

Equite 4, Equite tier, Unaffiliated
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer
vs.

Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Twi'lek, Sith, Marauder
Comment

First of all, thank you for competing in the SARLACC event and for completing your match!

It was refreshing to read something other than rancor corralling, the nexu was a sweet change of pace.

Bentre, some of your mannerisms (bulging eyes, clacking teeth) were a bit weird but certainly characteristic and stood out, so mixed feelings on that front mate :P

Tasha your action was just on the edge of being rushed, but not overly so, it was an amazing balance that I don’t get to see very often, well done!

Both of you could have benefitted from a little more proofing, but overall, this was a technically very solid match and a refreshing read. I still can’t spell Cimozjen properly half the time, and I think this is the first time I’ve gotten to see Tasha in action, so it was a lot of fun to see you two writing together. You certainly have chemistry, but I guess that’s to be expected!

Even with this being cooperative, we still have to have a winner, which is Bentre with a score of 4.325 to 4.3! So close!

Congratulations, keep writing!

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Cimozjen Kurios, Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea
Winner Augur Cimozjen Kurios
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Cimozjen Kurios's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [Scenario] SARLACC 2021, Round 1: Breached Hot Labs
Last Post 28 January, 2021 4:38 PM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Adept Bentre Stahoes Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 3 (Advantage) Score: 3
Rationale: Very minor spelling and comma errors throughout, but no Major Detractors Rationale: Some minor errors throughout, proper noun issue.
Story - 40%
Adept Bentre Stahoes Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 4 (Advantage) Score: 4
Rationale: A great blend of action, conflict, and originality Rationale: Fun, quick, action-packed
Realism - 25%
Adept Bentre Stahoes Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Minor issue in the first post Rationale: No issues found!
Continuity - 20%
Adept Bentre Stahoes Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found! Rationale: No issues found!
Adept Bentre Stahoes's Score: 4.32 Tasha'Vel Versea's Score: 4.3
Posts

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The Fourteenth Great Jedi War left deep wounds across the surface of Arx. One such victim, unnoticed by the Brotherhood at large, was the Corrino Research Laboratory on the marshy continent of Uskil. The Collective had assaulted the Shadow Academy's Nesolat platform to gain access to the surface of Arx, its strategic importance dwarfing its role as an isolated research facility. When the battle moved to the planet's surface, the Nesolat was discarded like so much chaff, and debris from the disintegrating station was scattered across the planet.

Some of that debris struck the specimen habitat, damaging them enough for the specimens contained within to escape into Uskil’s swampy wilderness. In the aftermath of the invasion, playing animal control was a low priority for the Iron Throne, but the beasts became more of a nuisance—and even a danger—as time went on. Their exposure to the maelstrom of Force energies around Uskil, stirred up by the Grand Master’s ritual during the invasion, has made the creatures aggressive and unpredictable.

Rather than wandering Uskil’s swampy, storm-soaked wildlands, many of the escaped beasts have since returned to their ruined habitats, finding the climate more to their liking; it was designed for them, after all. They’ve since become extremely territorial, attacking any Shadow Academy staff who try to remove them so the habitats can be rebuilt. Rather than continue to delay the Academy’s research and sacrifice hapless construction workers and lab technicians, the Headmistress has put out a call to any members of the Brotherhood who are willing to help with the problem.

Your goal in this scenario is to subdue and capture the hostile creature so that it can be transported to a different facility for further testing. As the creature has been modified by the Academy’s scientists, the Headmistress would strongly prefer that you capture it alive, rather than killing it and forcing the researchers to make do with data from a dead specimen.

He had always hated mud. In the back of his mind, he wondered how any Force user could stand such an environment. He hated the feeling of the ground squishing beneath his feet. Something about trudging about in swampy conditions never failed to make his skin crawl.

"I have to wonder what the Headmistress really wants here." Cimozjen eyeballed the wreckage of the Nesolat station. He shuddered a bit as he remembered the hurried escape from the rapidly descending platform.

"Are you really concerned about conducting some pest control?" The question drew the Force Disciple's attention to his companion. Tasha'Vel's tone was laced with a mixture of disapproval and disbelief. She glared at Cimozjen with hands planted upon her hips. "Are you worried about getting your hands dirty?"

The Human Sorcerer forced a tight smile. He saw the glance the Sapphire-skinned Twi'lek made toward the slugthrower at his side. He spread his hands out in a show of acquiescence. "Not all of us are quite as ready to jump into the fray as you are, madam Rollmaster. Are you certain that you have enough blades for this job?" The man's eyes sparkled playfully as he pointed to the ornate sword at the woman's side. “You couldn’t have left that one at home while we are only hunting down some beasties?”

"This sword goes everywhere with me, Augur Kurios.” The Sadowan Rollmaster’s tone became cool as she placed her hand over the hilt. Her stance became less like that of a schoolteacher and more that of the “It is important to me. It is important to my family.”

“That is always the rub, isn’t it.” Cimozjen mused, looking back at the wreckage of Nesolat Station. “Family is important to a lot of your lot. So is this a thing of loyalty then?” The human’s eyes danced, looking out at something near the horizon.

“What of it?” The Sith brushed one of her lekku behind her shoulder. “Do you have a point?”

“I have seen visions. I have dreamed dreams. I am not lead about the nose in the same way that you and your hubby are.”

Tasha’Vel blinked several times. “What about that armor you wear? Aren’t you at the service of the Grand Master as well, Inquisitor?”

“I am never somewhere other than where I ought to be.” There was a tiredness in the words. “As I said, my visions guide me. That is what brings me here today. The request for assistance from Ciara coincided with that perfectly and thus I am here. The Force’s will guides others like yourself even when you least expect it. Yet that does not answer the questions as to the underlying reason behind our being here. They were experimenting on wildlife. I doubt that any of that research is above being replaced. So tell me, madam, how does that leash from the Dark Council fit?”

“You talk a lot. You are just lucky-” The raised finger and bulging eyes of her Sorcerer companion brought an abrupt end to the Marauder’s sentence. “What is it?”

“I could have sworn I just saw something.” Cimozjen’s voice became more hushed. The man drew the slugthrower from his side, stalking forward carefully.

“What did you see?” The Twi’lek insisted. Now the Marauder was watching her surroundings as closely as the Sorcerer had been. A soft wind blew across the swampy ground, rustling the vegetation. Nothing else seemed to move around the pair. A good twenty seconds passed before the Augur placed his weapon back into its holster at his side.

“I must have imagined it.” Cimozjen shook his head as worry crinkled his features.

As though on queue, a roar erupted from behind the Sadowans. Cimozjen had barely turned to regard the source before he felt the weight of the impact. He felt the firearm leave his fingers as he was thrown sideways. Before either Sadowan knew what was happening, the Sorcerer could see a row of glistening teeth hanging over him. A globule of saliva hit the Sorcerer’s face as teeth clacked together mere inches from the human’s face. Desperately, Cimozjen tried to push the teeth away as he intently attempted to get a leg beneath the creature.

“Oh no you don’t!” Filled with fury, Tasha’Vel broke from the momentary shock of the creature’s appearance. The Twi’leki Marauder charged the creature, holding her treasured Vishra'Reyal up in preparation for a powerful strike. Bringing the weapon down in a practiced strike, the Sith was pleased to see the blade make its mark. The nexu recoiled, turning around to face the prey that dared to interrupt the meal it intended to make of her compatriot.

The Force Disciple took advantage of the opening to roll to his feet again. He feared the creature would have its full weight upon the Rollmaster within moments. Now outside of immediate danger himself of being crushed between the nexu’s jaws, Cimozjen’s hand scrambled at his side.

Gripping the hilt of his stiletto, it was his turn to charge the nexu. With a grunt of exertion, the human swung the narrow weapon around in a panicked arc. The blade made purchase, plunging into soft tissue and snapping off at the hilt. The creature retracted with a howl, snapping its teeth at its attacker.

The nexu could not keep its eyes on the both of the Sadowans at once. While the human had hurt the Tasha’Vel seized upon the creature’s split attention, dropping her sword to the ground and grabbing hold of her Nightsister dagger. Jumping on the creature’s back, she held onto one of the beast’s spines and stabbed into it. “You!” She bellowed the word. “Are. Not. Going. To. Eat. One. Of. My. Sadowans!” With each word stabbed the nexu again and again.

This day was not going the way that Cimozjen had expected at all. Igniting his lightsaber, he took a moment to consider how to best attack the nexu. If the two of them worked quickly, perhaps they could bring the nexu back maimed instead of dead.

Hopefully the will of the Force didn’t include one of them being eaten.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 31 January, 2021 4:27 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


You setup the ambiance of the area, mud, swampy, gross, very well. A lot of interaction between your character and Tasha's as well, though some of it went over my head I suspect it meant something to the characters.

I liked that you addressed the weakness of the stiletto, especially in such a scenario, by having it literally break, that's refreshing to see.

An excellent mix of action and story, well done!

Can Be Improved


The initial nexu attack completely ignored part of your own sheet, the +4 precognition would have at the very least warned and given Cimozjen an opportunity to react.

While the human had hurt the Tasha’Vel seized upon the creature’s split attention
I feel like you lost some words after 'hurt the' here.

Other than that, you were missing a comma in the very last line (Hopefully, the will of the Force....) and you had an internal consistency issue with Human/human. Pick one and stick with it for race names.

The Nexu howled and tried to claw at the Twi’lek stabbing back of its neck. The creature bucked and sprinted around trying to knock the assailant off. Tasha'vel would not be bucked off, she eschewed her own safety to focus on piercing through the beast's tough flesh.

“Cimozjen, is there anything around we can use to trap this creature?” Tasha yelled as she continued to hold on. “This thing isn’t easy to stay on.”

The Sorcerer’s eyes darted about the place looking for anything big enough to contain the animal, but to no avail. The only thing he could see were trees and swamp.

“Not really seeing anything useful right now Tasha, I hope you have another idea.”

The Marauder thought briefly as she put away her blade and brought out her lightsaber, igniting the violet blade with a crackling hiss.

“Well if we can’t contain it, we need to knock it out somehow.” She looked at the trees and the larger branches hanging down and smiled a bit.

Taking a flying leap off the creatures back, she landed in front of it.

“Here kitty, kitty!” she yelled as she ran towards one of the larger trees opposite of Cimozjen.

The Nexu let out a roar and charged towards the running Battlelord, its jaws snapping in anticipation as it then leaped forward, claws extended.

As she reached the trees, Tasha swiftly threw her lightsaber upwards, the brilliant violet blade spun effortlessly through the branches, severing several large limbs. She watched as the large limbs flattened the pouncing Nexu. It let out a piercing cry as the tree limbs pinned it to the ground. The creature struggled trying to get up, but the weight of the large branches held it down.

Tasha looked at the pinned animal before a smile frown formed on her lips.

“Hey Cimozjen, you realize that Nexu tend to travel in prides right?”

Suddenly, two sets of roars could be heard echoing from the trees on the right.

“Not good.”

The Marauder’s green eyes gazed towards the trees hiding their new adversaries as she shifted her stance to face the oncoming threat.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 31 January, 2021 4:27 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Saber throw in action, well done, not a feat we see utilized very often!

For a short post you did manage to move the story along and have plenty of action, not too shabby!

Can Be Improved


Beast's species aren't proper nouns, good way to check is if stuff ain't capitalized on wookieepedia, you shouldn't do it here.

Tasha looked at the pinned animal before a smile frown formed on her lips
Not sure if this was meant to be a small frown or a smile-frown which...wouldn’t make a lot of sense, but hey. You had a few errors like this throughout, make sure you get yourself proofed!

And if you jump from a creature’s back make sure it comes across as possessive, since the back belongs to said creature.

This was not how he had seen it in the vision. This was not how he had dreamed. This was not good.

"So, does your zoological knowledge on nexu extend any further?" Cimozjen could hear the skepticism in his voice. The Twi'ek's eyes narrowed as she spared a moment to glare daggers at the human Sadowan. Her retort was arrested in her throat as the twin forms of nexu slid into view.

"Okay, so is this first time you have seen one of these things slip into sight like that?" The Augur could hear the fear in his voice. "Because that," he clacked his teeth twice in alarm, "that is not normal, right?"'

"As a rule, no." The bitter sarcasm in the Rollmaster's voice brought the barest twist of a smile to the corners of Cimojzen's mouth. His charms were starting to rub off on her. Now both Sadowans had their eyes glued to the oncoming creatures. The Force Disciple had to admit that the Versea woman had a cool he did not possess. While he was standing comparatively still as he calculated his next move, the Twi'lek was stalking back and forth with her eyes locked on one of the approaching nexu.

"So, I take the one on the left, you take the one on the right?" The human's tone was optimistic, even though the situation was certainly not. His Sith companion did not immediately respond. Instead, she glanced sideways before throwing out her left hand with fingers extended. As though responding to some silent command, the cylindrical hilt of a lightsaber flew to her palm with an audible smack upon impact. Kurios winced a bit at the sound, but the Rollmaster seemed unmoved as she watched the approaching nexu. Unfortunately, the man could still not figure out which one she had focused upon. "Or you are just going to kind of do whatever, I guess." The optimism in his voice dropped noticeably.

"I really hoped by this point in my life I would be the one giving the orders." Cimozjen muttered. "After everything I have been through."

"Well, tough poodoo." Tasha'vel tightened her grip at a high point on her lightsaber, raising the weapon in mock salute before stepping forward. As one of the nexu closed in on the Twi'lek, Cimozjen saw the Marauder drop into a crouch as she lashed out with her weapon. As the creature charged, the Battlelord twisted her lightsaber to bring it in an upward twist. The painful growl of the nexu attested to the efficacy of the strike.

The dark-haired Force Disciple wondered at the cool composure of his fellow Equite. He had to confess that he could appreciate the tenacity and vigor that she displayed. His attention split, Cimozjen realized he needed to focus on the task at hand. The snarling growl of the nexu that had nearly closed upon the man brought his attention into laser focus. Kurios brought up his own lightsaber, fumbling briefly with it as the beast crashed headlong into the man.

All was teeth, confusion, and dripping saliva as Cimozjen tried to grab at the nexu's head. "I really don't need this." His pleas fell on uncaring ears as the teeth snapped within inches of the Augur. His hands had grown slick with either sweat or spittle from his attacker.

In a fit of desperation, he had began to bash the hilt end of his lightsaber into the maw of the nexu. All it would take was a moment, and the man would be down a hand. His thumb danced over the rough location of the weapon's activation switch, before he felt the familiar groove of the activation toggle. Turning the weapon around with the beam end pointing further toward the back, Cimozjen jammed the switch forward. The creature gave a spasm of pain, causing its intended prey to withdraw his hand.

Cimojzen Kurios was glad to know he had managed to avoid experiencing one of the more popular injuries among Sith and other Force users. He clenched the hand into a fist as the weight of the nexu slumped down upon his frame. Feeling sweat coating his head and his body, the Sadowan breathed a momentary sigh of relief. Pushing the slain predator's corpse sideways, the Augur managed to shimmy his body to freedom.

The human took a moment to compose himself. He looked up just in time to see Tasha'Vel, her blue skin now glistening with sweat, bring her lightsaber down in a savage strike across the neck of her own nexu. Kurios took several breaths before slowly walking toward the heavily-breathing humanoid.

"So, unless you are still having fun," Cimojzen chanced, "do you think we can take the little one back to the Headmistress' people? I would really like to get a shower and relax after this."

As though in response, the loud whine of the pinned nexu drew the attention of both Sadowans. There was another noise that neither had caught before, coming from a short distance away. The distinct growling of a nexu was difficult to confuse for anything else.

"It looks like we will have one more to deal with first." Tasha'Vel turned aggressively to face the new threat as Cimojzen's eyes darted across the ground, looking for a new makeshift weapon. "I guess that the den mother didn't appreciate our trespassing." The nexu, considerably larger than any of the three they had fought, had a white-gray striping to her fur. This would not be an easy threat to dispatch. The Sadowan Rollmaster raised her weapon into a ready position just before the mother nexu charged the two Sadowans.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 31 January, 2021 4:27 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


The action just keeps coming, and Cimojzen's day just keeps getting worse. Nice. A good blend of storytelling and straight up conflict!

The dark-haired Force Disciple wondered at the cool composure of his fellow Equite. He had to confess that he could appreciate the tenacity and vigor that she displayed.

I too get distracted by violent Twi'leks my man, I get it.

Can Be Improved


"I really hoped by this point in my life I would be the one giving the orders." Cimozjen muttered.
Need a comma, not a period, to modify previous text like this. I noticed this throughout your posts, but this one stands out more clearly.

Had an extra comma or three, but no major errors!

Tasha pulled her violet blade into the ready position, however, the den mother was surprisingly quick on her feet. Her four red eyes blazed with hatred as she pounced on the Marauder. It’s large, toothy maw hung agape as her sharp black claws stretched out and took a swipe. One of the claws caught the front of Tasha's cuirass and slashed through the light armor to the blue flesh underneath, leaving three red deep, jagged slash wounds. Tasha screamed out, losing grip on her lightsaber as the Nexu clamped its razor sharp fangs into her left hand and bit down hard. Swiftly, the Marauder took her right hand, made a fist, and punched one of the creature's red eyes. As the den mother reeled back and opened her mouth to roar from the excruciating pain, Tasha extracted her damaged left hand from its toothy maw.

Meanwhile, as the Twi'lek was contending with the Nexu, Cimozjen darted past the two and grabbed up his trusty Reynolds DE-21 from where he had lost it. When he picked up the black slugthrower pistol, the dark haired human turned around and aimed the barrel towards the now reeling Nexu den mother and pulled the trigger. A series of slugthrower shots slammed into the back of the beast, singeing the yellow and black striped fur. It let out a whining high pitched cry as the Equite aimed for its head and fired the remaining slugs while Tasha stood up and grabbed her lightsaber from the ground. Two of the slugs blinded a couple of the Nexu's red eyes as it bellowed and whipped her twin tails back and forth furiously. Angry at the interrupted meal, the Nexu turned around and sniffed at the air. Looking through its one remaining eye, the beast could see a thin thermal outline of a human. Growling menacingly, the den mother charged at its attacker. The Force Disciple stepped backwards as the Nexu pounced, however, Tasha's vibroblade, Vishra'Reyal, rose in front of Cimozjen and stabbed deep into the beast's heart as the creature landed on the blade. Collapsing onto the human, the Nexu's toothy maw was agape inches from his face. Soon, the claws relaxed and fell to the side as the four red eyes glazed over.

The Twi'lek rushed beside her buried companion and lifted the beast just enough for the Equite to escape from underneath its body.

"Are you all right?" She asked with a look of concern on her face.

"Ah, your timing is impeccable," he replied sarcastically as he dusted himself off.

"I have almost lost my gun, lost my lightsaber, broke my stiletto and almost got eaten several times. All I want to do right now is get this thing dropped off and have a drink."

The Twi'lek smiled.

"Sounds good to me, besides this is going to be one hell of a story to tell the clanmates."

General Stres'tron'garmis, 31 January, 2021 4:28 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Action! Speed!

This post felt fast with the pacing, urgent and chaotic but not hard to follow for the reader.

You also had a clear ending, which is always niiiiice.

Can Be Improved


"Are you all right?" She asked
Nitpicky syntax, the 'She' should be lowercased, as it is still part of the previous statement. Most likely an autocorrect/complete issue, but it's the same as if your previous dialogue ended with a comma to modify it.

You had an its/it's error (it belongs to versus it is) concerning its 'large, toothy maw' in your second line.