General Stres'tron'garmis vs. Warlord Lucine Vasano

General Stres'tron'garmis

Elder 1, Elder tier, Clan Arcona
Male Chiss, Loyalist, Weapons Specialist
vs.

Warlord Lucine Vasano

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Sith, Seeker
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the SARLACC competition. Let me start off by saying this match was an absolute pleasure to read. I needed a good laugh along with some action and you provided both in spades. From a technical standpoint there’s not much to critique here. Syntax was near-perfect across the board, there were some characterization choices that made me look twice at a character sheet but no realism errors that I could catch.

Because this match was so clean from a technical standpoint it came down to story. All the elements of strong ACC writing were present in both your posts. It came down to some relatively nitpicky areas for improvement in structure and pacing to decide the difference. While your story stumbles were slight there were enough in my judgment to push you out of 5 territory according to the rubric. With both of you at strong 4s the match comes down to advantage. Kord’s posts were solid but the abrupt stop and start of his last post hurt him. Lucine brought several key plot elements to the table and made the creature you were hunting into a character itself. There was a bit of a comedy bit overstaying its welcome in the final post but overall I feel confident giving Lucine advantage in this instance.

This was an exceptionally enjoyable and technically solid outing from two of the club’s top ACC’ers and definitely a contender for one of the best matches of the SARLACC competition. Pat yourselves both on the back for a job well done, but there must be a winner and that winner is none other than our Shadow Lady and reigning champion Lucine Vasano.

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants General Stres'tron'garmis, Warlord Lucine Vasano
Winner Warlord Lucine Vasano
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
General Stres'tron'garmis's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warlord Lucine Vasano's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [Scenario] SARLACC 2021, Round 1: Breached Hot Labs
Last Post 27 January, 2021 12:00 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Syntax - 15%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Only a stray misspelling or two. Excellent work. Rationale: About as close to perfect as one gets. Another judge and I couldn't find any major errors.
Story - 40%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: A strong, solid 4. The combat depictions, characterization, use of the venue and overall plot were exceptional. The “false ending” feeling of your last post held you back from a higher score. Rationale: You took what your opponent gave you and ran with it. You managed to make the creature you were facing into its own character with a backstory, no small feat. You had some small room for improvement in pacing and your epilogue which held you back from a perfect story score under the rubric.
Realism - 25%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: No issues that I could see.
Continuity - 20%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: No issues that I could see.
General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.45 Lucine Vasano's Score: 4.8
Posts

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The Fourteenth Great Jedi War left deep wounds across the surface of Arx. One such victim, unnoticed by the Brotherhood at large, was the Corrino Research Laboratory on the marshy continent of Uskil. The Collective had assaulted the Shadow Academy's Nesolat platform to gain access to the surface of Arx, its strategic importance dwarfing its role as an isolated research facility. When the battle moved to the planet's surface, the Nesolat was discarded like so much chaff, and debris from the disintegrating station was scattered across the planet.

Some of that debris struck the specimen habitat, damaging them enough for the specimens contained within to escape into Uskil’s swampy wilderness. In the aftermath of the invasion, playing animal control was a low priority for the Iron Throne, but the beasts became more of a nuisance—and even a danger—as time went on. Their exposure to the maelstrom of Force energies around Uskil, stirred up by the Grand Master’s ritual during the invasion, has made the creatures aggressive and unpredictable.

Rather than wandering Uskil’s swampy, storm-soaked wildlands, many of the escaped beasts have since returned to their ruined habitats, finding the climate more to their liking; it was designed for them, after all. They’ve since become extremely territorial, attacking any Shadow Academy staff who try to remove them so the habitats can be rebuilt. Rather than continue to delay the Academy’s research and sacrifice hapless construction workers and lab technicians, the Headmistress has put out a call to any members of the Brotherhood who are willing to help with the problem.

Your goal in this scenario is to subdue and capture the hostile creature so that it can be transported to a different facility for further testing. As the creature has been modified by the Academy’s scientists, the Headmistress would strongly prefer that you capture it alive, rather than killing it and forcing the researchers to make do with data from a dead specimen.

The habitat was surprisingly large, a sprawling mix of rocky outcroppings, trees, and rough grass. Above, artificial lighting hummed and flickered, the entire structure badly in need of maintenance, casting long shadows throughout.

“What a mess,” mused Lucine Vasano, glancing up from the datapad in her hand. It displayed a short bit of information about a creature called a ‘jotaz’, something the researchers from the Academy wanted secured, or neutralized, she mused with a slight quirk of the lips as she reviewed the images attached to the file.

The striped pattern would look so fashionable as a handbag.

“I must say, my Lady, I have never hunted this particular beast,” rumbled her companion, Stres’tron’garmis. She looked over and shook her head in dismay, not for the first time since he’d arrived at the labs to respond to her summons. “This enclosure is quite large for something reportedly so small.”

She swiped the screen of her pad once more, before turning to show the particulars of the beast to her General.

“I daresay I could have done this myself, darling, it is listed only being point three meters or so in height,” she stated as they walked further into the half-lit gloom. “Though I felt it would be good to spend some time together, as well.”

Strong raised an eyebrow, looking away from his scanning for threats to take in the sight of the armor-clad Consul.

”My Lady? This type of environment is not what you tend to prefer when you….call upon me to fulfill my duties.”

That earned him a glare before her gaze softened back to neutrality, “Of course not, my dear Garmis, but we find so little time to speak back on Selen! Always working, so much paperwork,” she sighed, “and you seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time on Port Ol’val.”

She didn’t miss the way his shoulders stiffened at the last comment. It wasn’t hard to see, what with the ridiculous outfit he had shown up in. Not that she minded the view.

”I see. Very well. What did you wish to speak on, my Lady Vasano?” his tone was neutral, formal, not the one expected from a sometimes consort of the Consul.

They picked their way through rocks in relative silence for about a minute, as she chose her words and they kept their eye out for the tracks of the small creature they’d come to capture.

“Only that it seems you are spending quite a bit of time on the shadowport, and not back at the citadel, my dear. From what I understand a certain Quaestor has seemed to catch your eye.”

Strong squatted, his leather kilt brushing the grass below as he inspected what looked to be a massive footprint.

”This belongs to something much larger than a foot tall, my Lady, I urge caution.”

“Perhaps it was whatever droid or laborer they used to transport the creature,” she said with a dismissive sniff. “You did not answer my question, Strong.”

”My apologies, madame Consul, I heard only statements, no questions. It is true that I have been calling upon Miss Sroka, as a friend does,” the Chiss responded, his ears darkening a bit. She knew what a blushing Chiss looked like, her emerald eyes narrowed.

”My Lady, I am uncertain if this is the right time or place for this conversation,” he said, reaching over his back to unsling the power hammer slung over it. They had stopped again, under a huge tree near the center of the habitat. ”I suspect this will be more difficult than we believe. I should have stopped back at my vessel to retrieve my armor, to properly defend you, when you called me away from the arena.”

“Ah, that explains the outfit. Wait, you were going to fight at the arena today and you did not inform me? You always request that I observe, as I recall. Were you perhaps going to posture and dedicate your victories for the day to dear Tali?” she teased.

He turned to look at her, his mouth opening in response when something fell from the tree behind him with a weight that seemed to shake the very ground around them. The first thing Lucine noted was the striped pattern, the second was the way it stood a full two heads taller than her giant of a Chiss.

Perhaps someone doing research missed a decimal point, such incompetence, she thought.

Strong was already swinging his hammer as he turned, but the distracting redhead had been...distracting, allowing the beast to get the literal drop on the big man. A huge hand swatted him aside, sending the leather-clad general bouncing across the uneven ground with a grunt.

“Oh my,” commented Lucine, her datapad falling to the grass below, hand reaching for the blaster at her hip. She had no desire to duel this beast.

The jotaz charged at her, her protector forgotten for the moment. Lucine’s eyes widened as she fired off shots as quickly as her Westar could, but ten feet of beast bearing down on her did little to help her aim, the shots leaving scorched marks on its hide. She was surprised by the speed of the thing, jumping back as it swung a hand at her the size of her torso. From the corner of her eye, she could see Strong back on his feet, power hammer lighting up the area around in him in a blue glow as he charged at the creature.

The distraction, ever so brief, was just enough for the jotaz to close the distance after its missed attack. She lifted her pistol and backed up again, only to feel the heel of her boot catch on a rock, her whole body falling back. Lucine made some very unladylike comments in her head as she fell back, eyes shut as she waited for the crushing blow from the monster in front of her. Instead, she felt herself caught before hitting the ground and sighed in relief as she opened her eyes.

“So quick to rescue me, mister Garm— oh!” she cried out, realizing the jotaz had grabbed her midfall, arms pinned to her sides as it held her. “Release me, beast! Strong!”

The jotaz turned its other arm shielding its body from the hammer-wielding Chiss that roared out a battle cry and slammed the repulsor-driven head of his weapon into the creature. It let out a bellow of pain and tried to backhand the warrior, just missing as Strong ducked back, lining up another charge. He was brought up short when the jotaz pivoted, presenting the hand holding Lucine tightly towards the oncoming Arconan, bringing him up short lest he hammer his Consul.

“Strong!” she shouted, struggling to free herself, with little progress made against the beast’s strength. Her hair whipped in front of her face as the jotaz ran back towards the tree it had dropped out of, before it leaped up, its freehand grasping a thick branch and pulling itself, and its captured redhead, up into the dark.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 4 February, 2021 3:56 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The jotaz turned its other arm shielding its body from the hammer-wielding Chiss that roared out a battle cry and slammed the repulsor-driven head of his weapon into the creature.

Action! Your combat depictions were top notch in this post. I could almost hear the crack as Strong drove his hammer into the creature.


Can Be Improved

It’s not a story or realism ding per se but the whole damsel in distress bit really felt out of place for Lucine’s character. Like, really out of place. At best I think the comedy effect you were going for with that bit was offset by the “wait, what” of reading Lucine depicted in that way.

“This is so humiliating,” Lucine grumbled as she hung in the jotaz’s grip, watching as the habitat’s ground got steadily further away. She thought she had caught a glimpse of Strong starting to climb after them, but her view was quickly obscured by branches and foliage.

The jotaz was built for climbing and was able to scale the massive tree with little difficulty, even while carrying her. Through breaks in the leaves, she could occasionally catch glimpses at how high they were getting, and it was enough to prevent her from struggling. A fall from this height would do more than leave a mark.

At last, the jotaz grunted and swung himself onto a piece of debris from the broken habitat roof that had landed on top of several branches, creating a makeshift platform. The jotaz bounded across, and though the platform buckled beneath his weight, it did not break. After he crossed the flat space, he climbed a bit higher, to an alcove created by even more debris. To Lucine, it was the size of a large room. But to the much larger jotaz, it was big enough for him to be cozy.

Once inside of the alcove, he chuffed in satisfaction before setting her down with more gentleness than she would have expected. Now that her hands were no longer pinned to her sides, she reached down to grasp the hilt of her lightsaber as she turned to study the towering creature. He was massive, his arms and legs heavily muscled from a life spent in the trees. The white stripes that she had noted in the file seemed particularly striking when seen up close against his thick, blue-black hide.

He peered back at her through brown eyes, and they simply stared at each other for several seconds. It seemed that the creature didn’t have any violent intentions toward her, but the fact that he had positioned himself between her and the entrance did not bode well. “Well, beast, what now?” Lucine wondered aloud.

The jotaz grunted a few times as it reached past her to a large pile of vegetation that had been piled inside the alcove. He retrieved a piece of muja fruit and held it out to her.

“Oh. Oh I see. Well, you seem to be the proper host,” Lucine said as she gingerly accepted the fruit. The jotaz gave her a toothy grin before sitting down right in front of the alcove entrance and grabbed some fruit for himself.

As the ape-like creature shoved food into his mouth, Lucine took a moment to examine their surroundings. The furnishings consisted of two piles: the pile of fruit that was apparently the jotaz’s stockpile, and a pile of leaves that apparently served as bedding. Tucked among the leaves that served as the beast’s bed, Lucine caught a flash of color. She took a few hesitant steps away, and when the jotaz did not make any threatening moves, she climbed over the foliage to retrieve the object of her curiosity.

It appeared to be a holocam generated image. Though it was faded and crumpled from years of rough handling, she could still make out most of the details. In the center of the image was a pretty blonde woman in a lab coat. She was smiling at the photographer as she hugged the jotaz, who was looking much smaller and far younger. He, in turn, was cradling a small doll. “Dr. Wray,” she murmured, reading the name stitched onto the woman’s lab coat. “Is she the one we have to thank for your manners?”

He chuffed once again. But before either could say anything more, Strong’s baritone voice boomed from outside the alcove. ”Aha, I’ve found you!”

The jotaz bared his teeth as he whirled to bellow a challenge at the Chiss. Lucine could not see him from her vantage point but presumed he was on the platform below. ”How dare you manhandle a lady in such a way! Release her at once and face me!”

Strong continued on, issuing his challenge in a manner that had been passed down the Garmis line for generations. But the jotaz was not listening. Instead, he squatted and reached a hand behind him to—

“Ugh! That is disgusting!” Lucine recoiled as far as she could from the jotaz, as he lobbed the freshly produced and still steaming projectile toward the leather-clad Chiss.

Strong’s challenge abruptly cut off, interrupted by a SPLAT. Lucine had no way of knowing if he had been hit, or if he had managed to dive out of the way beforehand, and did not want to even think of it. The jotaz bellowed a second time, before leaping out of the alcove.

Lucine hurried to the opening to find Strong facing off against the jotaz. The Chiss stood in a battle-ready stance, holding his massive hammer in one hand and his yellow riot shield in the other. The jotaz, meanwhile, towered over him as he growled and beat his fists against his chest threateningly.

They circled one another for several seconds, sizing each other up. Then the jotaz tucked his head low and charged at Strong. The Chiss had just enough time to bring his shield up, and the ape-like creature impacted against it. The force of the blow sent Strong skidding back a few feet, though he kept his feet planted and remained upright. The energy shield crackled loudly, accompanied by the jotaz’s howl of pain and the smell of burning hair. He retreated to the side of the platform nearest the alcove, leaving Strong the apparent victor of this round.

Strong glanced down at his shield and quickly determined that it could probably only survive one more hit. The jotaz shook his head and then bared his teeth in defiance before beginning to circle one more.

Lucine observed the combat from above as she considered her next step. She was inclined to let the jotaz smack Strong around a bit. It served him right, considering how obstinately he was trying to hide his growing feelings for Tali. Honestly, did he think she was stupid, or just unobservant?

The jotaz roared and charged toward Strong, drawing her attention back to the fight. Instead of attempting another headbutt, he swung his massive fist in a devastating blow aimed at the brilliant yellow shield. Strong ground his teeth as he set his stance, allowing the blow to find its mark. There was another loud crackle of energy as the energy shield did its work, and the jotaz howled with pain as the energy shot up his fist. But it was not without cost. As the jotaz reared away, the energy shield faded, leaving only its metal framework. Strong tossed it aside as he grasped his massive hammer in a mighty two-handed grip. Taking advantage of the temporary opening, he stepped forward and swung it with as much force as he could muster.

The hammer collided with the jotaz with a sickening thud. The ape-creature howled with pain, but swung with his other arm, slamming his fist into the Chiss. Strong grunted with pain as he was knocked backward, allowing the jotaz to hit him with a second devastating blow.

Lucine sighed. As interesting as the fight was, she was still rather fond of Strong. It would not do for him to get battered too badly. She called upon the Force and created an image in her mind. She extended a hand toward the massive ape as she touched his mind with the Force, allowing him to see the image she had created. It was that of Strong, only larger and more threatening. The jotaz’s gaze fixed on the bigger threat, and she willed the illusion to move so that the jotaz was facing away from the dazed Chiss. “That was quite a nasty hit. Are you okay, darling?”

Strong shook his head slowly and got shakily to his feet. ”I… I do believe I will be fine, my lady.”

“Good,” Lucine said with a sweet smile. “Shall we work together to subdue this creature?”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 4 February, 2021 3:57 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

“Ugh! That is disgusting!” Lucine recoiled as far as she could from the jotaz, as he lobbed the freshly produced and still steaming projectile toward the leather-clad Chiss.

I have to admit I laughed out loud for a good minute after reading this passage. My cat was scared.

I would hold this post up as an example of how to do a second post right. You carried the plot elements established in the opening forward while adding new elements, exploring the venue and above all keeping the action going.


Can Be Improved

The big nitpick I have as an area for improvement in this post is the pacing. The opening post ended on a suspenseful note of Lucine getting jotaz-napped and when we pick up with your post you slowed things back down for some exposition. For reference it’s about 600 words into your post before Strong shows back up and the conflict resumes. I liked what you did by developing Kong but I feel like you missed an opportunity to carry the suspense Kord established in his opening forward. This is not a story detractor by any means just a missed opportunity.

His head was still ringing, his body was aching, and some horrible smell had lodged itself firmly in his nostrils. All in all, he would have preferred going to the arena and fighting a dozen iron legionnaires off rather than match brawn with the jotaz. The creature was facing away from him as Lucine appeared focused on it, the Chiss shaking his head to clear it.

She must be manipulating it in some manner...it is wide open for a strike! But...to attack from behind such as this would be beyond dishonorable, he mused, brow furrowed in thought.

“Anytime, darling,” Lucine called out, her voice strained. She cut her emerald gaze towards her general and sighed, seeing conflict on the big man’s face. “It is a beast and a brute, General Garmis. It cares little if you cheap shot it!”

Shaken by this, the noble son of Garmis hefted his hammer and let out a long breath, before inhaling and charging. He leaped, hammer held overhead and swinging fiercely towards the upper back of the jotaz. The blow struck true, causing the creature to bellow in pain and surprise, stumbling forward towards the edge of the makeshift platform they found themselves on. It turned, nostrils flaring and teeth bared, straightening to its full height and beating its chest again at the Chiss.

”I believe I have angered it!”

“Quite, dear,” murmured Lucine, “Do back up a bit so it can get a good run in, I shall present you its good side.”

“This creature has a good side?” muttered Strong to himself, readying his hammer and backing away from the enraged jotaz.

It stomped on the metal below foot, causing everything to shudder before it began running forward. As it did, the Shadow Lady upon her perch narrowed her eyes on its left leg, reaching a hand out as if grasping it from afar. She made a jerking motion, opposite of the beast’s forward motion, causing the leg to go out and making the jotaz misstep as it charged, stumbling forward.

As it fell, its face came within striking range of the Chiss, who swung his hammer with all his might. It sounded like a hollow rock had been struck with metal, the beast’s head whipping around, blood and spittle spraying across the area.

Lucine stared in horror as both fluids arced all the way to where she stood, overlooking the battle, splattering across her armor.

Perhaps the handbag idea is still in play, she thought with an angry glare. The jotaz began to rise, unsteadily, despite the hit it had taken. She could see Strong breathing heavily, watching in dismay as the monster got back to its feet, its beady, angry eyes fixed on the Chiss. Right, I did agree to capture it alive. Hrm. What to do, what to do….

She glanced back in the cave, debating her options, noting again the pile of discard fruit bits and refuse, before her eyes settled on the holo-photo, and an idea struck her. A wonderful idea.

A horribly wonderful idea, she decided, whipping her head back to focus on the jotaz which was trying to pound her companion into the ground. Much as she had before, she twisted its perception, weaving a fresh illusion, except this time…

Strong grunted as he sidestepped another double fisted strike from above, growing increasingly concerned that the surface they fought upon was going to give out. The hammer felt heavier than it should. Climbing up the tree, getting bashed around by this creature, was taking a toll. He was trying to prepare a counter-attack when he saw the jotaz’s face change expression, suddenly looking...far less threatening, more perplexed, causing the Arconan to stand stock still in anticipation.

What he hadn’t expected was a happy burbling sound to come from the creature before it wrapped both arms around his muscled form, hugging him tightly to his furry chest and flopping on its side.

”Wha—” he managed before the air was crushed out of him. He craned his head as he heard armored boots slowly walking over the platform, catching sight of Lucine out of the corner of his eye. She had her wrist raised, speaking into it.

“...yes darling, I said subdued. Now please come and retrieve it before it crushes my man here. Yes, yes, I understand. Pardon? Oh, I am afraid I did not get that far into the beast’s file before it decided to abscond with me.”

She stopped next to the creature, wrinkling her nose and looking down at her Rollmaster.

“They will be coming to collect Kong shortly,” she stated, reaching out to brush a bit of the jotaz’s fur as if testing the texture. “That is our large friend’s name, by the way. I manipulated how he perceived you.”

“Indeed? How?” gasped Strong, grunting and twisting in the beast’s grip. “Can you...convince it….to release me? Rather difficult….to breathe….”

Lucine knelt beside him, reaching out to lay her hand on the man’s forehead. He felt a brief pulse wash through him, taking away some of the fatigue and grogginess, but it was clear it took a toll on his Consul as well.

“I found an old holo of our dear Kong as a young….thing. I made you look, to him, as the stuffed beast it used to cuddle with.”

He stared at her smug expression, then glanced back at the jotaz in alarm.

“What?”

“Something just burbled inside of this creature. Perhaps you should move away, my Lady.”

“Oh, just a little bit of gas is no harm—” she began to say, before a smell so foul it made her question if this creature hadn’t come from Nal Hutta assailed her senses, making her eyes water.

It was accompanied by a loud, horn-like sound.

“My Lady,” choked Strong, “away, get back!”

“I can deal with a little stentch, Strong!” she hissed, trying not to breathe through...anything, bringing her cloak up to cover her mouth and nose.

“Not that, it appears it started itself awake,” grunted Strong, again trying to wriggle out of the jotaz’s grip.

Bloodshot, brown eyes met Lucine’s emerald gaze, the jotaz looking decidedly upset.

“Oh dear.”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 4 February, 2021 3:57 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

“...yes darling, I said subdued. Now please come and retrieve it before it crushes my man here. Yes, yes, I understand. Pardon? Oh, I am afraid I did not get that far into the beast’s file before it decided to abscond with me.”

The characterization, and comedy, are strong with this post. Overall a deeply enjoyable read with a good mix of action and laughs.


Can Be Improved

“I can deal with a little stentch, Strong!”

I think you meant stench.

Not sure how I feel about the false ending, it feels rather abrupt to wind the action down then start again. It’s almost like you wrote a traditional alternate ending post then remembered at the very end this is a singular ending match.

Kong blinked his eyes at her, before looking down at Strong, who was still clutched tightly in his arms. Realizing that his beloved toy was gone, Kong bellowed with rage and hurled the Chiss away from him. Strong tumbled over the surface of the platform, but managed to stop himself before he rolled over the edge.

Lucine turned to put some distance between herself and the angry jotaz, but it was too late. “Oh, not again!” she screeched as she felt the beast’s arm encircle her once more, before hauling her even higher up the tree.

This time, she was a bit more accustomed to being carried by the jotaz, and so she had more wherewithal to observe their surroundings. Kong climbed at a rapid pace, and they soon broke past the treeline, affording her a breathtaking view of the artificial habitat. Above, she could see that most of the roof had been destroyed. Shafts of bright sunlight streamed down through ragged holes in the ceiling, and the branches of the massive tree stretched toward them.

As they climbed higher, the branches became thinner and more sparse. Finally, Kong extended his arm and plunked her down on a branch near the very top of the tree. It creaked ominously under her weight but held.

After a dizzying glance downward, the redhead clung to the branch. “O-okay, Kong. What now?”

The jotaz ignored her, and instead looked downward. She followed his gaze to see Strong scaling the tree after them. Kong’s lips peeled back as he bared his teeth and bellowed at the Chiss. Strong looked up but did not respond. Instead he focused on climbing as quickly as he could, with his face set in a look of intense concentration as he hauled himself upward.

Kong has a tactical advantage up here, Lucine realized. What’s more, it would be a simple matter for the jotaz to interfere with Strong while he was climbing, causing the Chiss to plummet to his death. She knew that she had to act. She glanced down at the ground once more, which resulted in another wave of terror at the prospect of falling. She grabbed that fear, drew upon it, and used it to give power to the images she pushed into the jotaz’s mind.

Kong screeched in rage and fear as he saw four speeders burst through the canopy and make a beeline toward him. They flew in a wide circle around him, taking turns buzzing close, as if they were trying to knock him from the tree. The jotaz bellowed a challenge and swiped at thim, trying to knock them out of the air as they flew close.

“Hurry up, darling! I don’t know how long he is going to fall for the distraction!” Lucine called down to Strong. He nodded and climbed faster until he reached a branch about ten feet below the jotaz. He didn’t dare get any closer, considering the fact that his Consul did not appear to be in any immediate danger and the fact that the jotaz had the high ground.

But the jotaz did not hold on to that particular advantage very long. As soon as Strong was no longer in such a precarious position, she dismissed the illusion. The sudden threat vanished, drawing a confused noise from Kong, until he noticed the Chiss on the branch below him.

“Oooook!” the jotaz bellowed his battle cry, before dropping down on the branch to face the General. Strong was already prepared, and as soon as Kong was on the same level, he closed the distance between them. His fists flashed out in a devastating one-two punch that drove Kong back a step on the branch. The Chiss pressed his advantage with an undercut to the abdomen, followed by a sharp uppercut that sent Kong’s head snapping back.

“Well, if it were not for the questionable body fluids, I might consider this better than the arena!” Lucine murmured as she observed the fight from her perch.

The jotaz recovered quickly. He clasped his massive hands together and swung them toward the Chiss. Strong brought his arms up to grab the jotaz by the wrist. Chiss and beast struggled for a moment, locked in a grapple. But Kong’s superior size won out, and he shoved Strong backwards.

Strong stumbled backward before losing his footing. He pitched sideways and then fell, but managed to catch hold of the branch seconds before it was too late. As he hung precariously, he looked down to see if there were any appropriately sized branches below him that he could use to break his fall, but there were none. The closest surface was the debris platform they had fought upon earlier, far below. He looked up to see Kong peering down at him, a look of bestial triumph on his face as he raised a balled fist to strike Strong down one last time.

“Kong!” Lucine’s voice rang out, distracting the jotaz from his murderous intentions. He looked up at the redhead, seconds before an invisible force hit Kong in the head with a resounding THUD. The jotaz’s eyes rolled back into his head, momentarily stunned and therefore unable to grab for the branch. Instead, gravity took hold and he fell. His body struck the platform and it shattered, sending the jotaz crashing through the branches and out of sight.

“Well, I suppose that is that,” Lucine said with a sigh. “So much for recovering him alive.”

Strong gripped the branch and rocked his legs back and forth, trying to get enough momentum to swing himself back onto the branch. He heard a quiet scuffing sound and saw Lucine climbing down. She regarded him with a long look before saying, “Now, about what we were discussing before we were so rudely interrupted.”

Strong swallowed hard. “My lady, I believe this is not a good time for this conversation.”

“Quite the contrary, General Garmis,” Lucine replied with a cold smile. “I do believe situations like this encourage complete honesty.”

”I have never been dishonest, either with you or her!” the Chiss protested.

“But you actively avoided the subject, darling. You are such an honorable man that it is glaringly obvious whenever you try to behave suspiciously,” Lucine said.

Before Strong could answer, she reached down to grab him by the wrist with one hand. She held onto the tree with her other as she hauled the massive Chiss up. He could only surmise that the woman had used the Force to augment her strength, as such a feat should have been impossible otherwise.

Once he was safely on the branch, he looked down at her, his red eyes hooded and his expression tense. Lucine took one look at his expression and laughed. “Relax, darling! I have no intention of lecturing or haranguing you. Ours is an open relationship, and always has been. But take heed, darling. Up until very recently, Tali and I were lovers, and I am still fond of her. Do not mess this up.”

Strong could only stare down at the redhead, stunned by her words. This was not how he had anticipated this conversation going. ”I… I will endeavor not to,” he replied slowly.

“Good!” Lucine said. She dusted off her hands, indicating she was not going to pursue the subject any further. “Now, let us get out of this tree and find the body, shall we? Perhaps we can salvage enough to make a handbag after all."

She did not bother to wait for a response. Instead, she began the arduous climb down, leaving Strong alone with his thoughts. He considered her words, and gave a nod and a small smile. It took several moments before one of her comments came to his attention. ”Wait. You two were WHAT?!”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 4 February, 2021 3:57 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

She grabbed that fear, drew upon it, and used it to give power to the images she pushed into the jotaz’s mind.

I want to give special mention to this creative depiction of a dark side Force user fueling their power with fear.


Can Be Improved

“Relax, darling! I have no intention of lecturing or haranguing you. Ours is an open relationship, and always has been. But take heed, darling. Up until very recently, Tali and I were lovers, and I am still fond of her. Do not mess this up.”

I tend to agree with Strong that this was not a good time for that conversation. While Lucine prodding Strong about the precise nature of his relationship with Tali provided some levity and characterization early on I feel like in this post it overstays its welcome. You devote almost 400 words, or about a third of your post, to this saucy subplot after Kong was unceremoniously yeeted out of the story. It feels a bit disjointed and because of that I don’t think the comedy bit hits quite like you intended. Sometimes less is more and I think you could have gotten away with a parting line or two relating to the love triangle while Kong was being loaded up or something. In other words the epilogue strayed too far from the core conflict, which was Kong.