Acolyte Sinya Ani vs. Warrior Khryso Mallus

Acolyte Sinya Ani

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Twi'lek, Force Disciple, Shadow
vs.

Warrior Khryso Mallus

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Chiss, Sith, Defender
Comment

First of all, thank you both for participating in the 2021 SARLACC competition! It's so exciting to see everyone getting involve with the ACC and really using these matches for some moments of character growth and explanation like you two did.

You two both lacked combat in your first posts, which impacted your Story scores. Nonetheless, you both spent that time telling a detailed set up for your two characters and finished off the match with final posts strong in combat and description. You both additionally had some Realism errors that affected you, which I'll detail below, but these are things that can be remedied easily for future battles and that any of the ACC or Voice staff would be happy to discuss with you if you've ever got questions. Sinya, these errors hurt you a little more, while Khryso's cleaner posts took an edge, but do not let the post comments intimidate you-- you are both fine writers with potential.

Now, that said, we must declare a winner, and it is Khryso Mallus. Well done. I look forward to seeing more of both Khryso and Sinya in future battles, and what happens between them next they meet. They made a good team.

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Acolyte Sinya Ani, Warrior Khryso Mallus
Winner Warrior Khryso Mallus
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Acolyte Sinya Ani's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warrior Khryso Mallus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [Scenario] SARLACC 2021, Round 1: Breached Hot Labs
Last Post 29 January, 2021 3:47 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Syntax - 15%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: A handful of errors, nearly spotless. Rationale: Some of the same errors throughout each post, more unique ones in second post.
Story - 40%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 2 (Advantage) Score: 2
Rationale: Lack of combat in the first post and the specifically confusing, rushed state of the second held this score back from being higher. Nonetheless, description and action were strong where present. Rationale: Lack of combat in the first post held this back from a higher score, in addition to the second post also lacking combat for the majority of the text for the internal sidebar. That said, character interaction still shined.
Realism - 25%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Minor Detractor concerning the use of Healing in the second post. Rationale: One Major Detractor concerning use of Battle Meditation and a minor one concerning use of Concealment.
Continuity - 20%
Warlord Khryso Mallus Nightsister Sinya Ani
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors found. Rationale: No errors found; even the mistake of "reptiles" was consistent. Be careful.
Warlord Khryso Mallus's Score: 3.6 Nightsister Sinya Ani's Score: 2.75
Posts

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The Fourteenth Great Jedi War left deep wounds across the surface of Arx. One such victim, unnoticed by the Brotherhood at large, was the Corrino Research Laboratory on the marshy continent of Uskil. The Collective had assaulted the Shadow Academy's Nesolat platform to gain access to the surface of Arx, its strategic importance dwarfing its role as an isolated research facility. When the battle moved to the planet's surface, the Nesolat was discarded like so much chaff, and debris from the disintegrating station was scattered across the planet.

Some of that debris struck the specimen habitat, damaging them enough for the specimens contained within to escape into Uskil’s swampy wilderness. In the aftermath of the invasion, playing animal control was a low priority for the Iron Throne, but the beasts became more of a nuisance—and even a danger—as time went on. Their exposure to the maelstrom of Force energies around Uskil, stirred up by the Grand Master’s ritual during the invasion, has made the creatures aggressive and unpredictable.

Rather than wandering Uskil’s swampy, storm-soaked wildlands, many of the escaped beasts have since returned to their ruined habitats, finding the climate more to their liking; it was designed for them, after all. They’ve since become extremely territorial, attacking any Shadow Academy staff who try to remove them so the habitats can be rebuilt. Rather than continue to delay the Academy’s research and sacrifice hapless construction workers and lab technicians, the Headmistress has put out a call to any members of the Brotherhood who are willing to help with the problem.

Your goal in this scenario is to subdue and capture the hostile creature so that it can be transported to a different facility for further testing. As the creature has been modified by the Academy’s scientists, the Headmistress would strongly prefer that you capture it alive, rather than killing it and forcing the researchers to make do with data from a dead specimen.

The dark grey T4-A shuttle descended gracefully. Its horizontal control surfaces folded up as it settled onto a rundown landing pad of the Corrino Research Facility. The boarding ramp lowered, its servo motors making a loud whir sound. A young female Twi’lek with cyan colored skin and Brotherhood journeyman robes emerged, stepping silently onto the durasteel platform. She breathed in deeply, casting her large ebony eyes in all directions to take in the surroundings.

Everywhere she looked, the local flora of the swampy continent was staking its claim to the once sterile research station. Large holes riddled the ceiling and walls where debris from the Nesolate had impacted the facility. Moss covered most of the floor and various plants and low growing flowers littered the walls and less trafficked areas. It was almost beautiful if not for the smell. Decomposing plants gave off a repugnant odor as they released methane and other gases back into the atmosphere.

You are late,” the handsome Chiss who had been waiting at the foot of the boarding ramp stated flatly. “I am Kryso Mallus. You are Acolyte Ani, correct?” he asked, addressing the light blue skinned Twi’lek as she disembarked.

The Twi’lek’s brow furrowed at the apparent chastisement as she looked up into the red orbs of the much taller male. “Yes, but you can call me Sinya if you’d like,” she replied before adding, “The shuttle was behind schedule. The delay was unavoidable.”

“Well, it is in the past now. I have wasted an hour waiting for you, let’s get this done quickly.” He pressed his thin blue lips together in concentration and tucked his long dark hair behind his ear with his left hand as he retrieved a standard issue datapad from his belt with his right. He displayed a map on the screen and his red eyes scrutinized the facility’s layout. “I take it you are familiar with the target creature?” He asked as the shuttle lifted off and headed back to orbit.

“I’ve never encountered one, but yes. Reptilian quadruped, venomous tail spike, sharp teeth and claws, nocturnal, hunts in packs, and can sense force users,” the diminutive Rutian paraphrased what she had read in the briefing. “So we should probably find them before dark, don’t you think?” she added, a slight sarcastic tone tainting her voice. She proceeded to walk into the damaged halls of the destroyed facility without waiting for a reply. She didn’t need to consult the map. She had already studied it and knew where their quarry’s habitat was.

Well, she has a bit of an attitude. Perhaps I insulted her by pointing out her tardiness, the warrior mused as he fell in step next to the younger female. He hadn’t needed the map either but had planned to discuss strategy before charging off into the derelict station. It will be fine. Maybe we can discuss a plan later.

They walked in awkward silence for a good ten minutes before he decided to break the ice. “I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. Please accept my apologies. I did not mean to be rude when we first met. I just have a tendency to speak what’s on my mind.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied, her tchun flicking in a dismissive gesture. “Already forgotten, and I was behind schedule.... So, what do you think of this place? It seems very weird to me. Like a giant melting pot of terraforming.”

“Yes, it is very interesting how the broken ecosystems have survived and mingled with each other and the local flora,” the blue skinned man explained as they walked. “I can only imagine what sort of weird plants will come of the cross pollination.”

The corridors seemed mostly empty of fauna except for the native song birds and the occasional snake. Sinya was not familiar with any of them. They were not important. She was on a mission and had a singular focus. Her last mission was a disaster. She vowed silently, This time will be different. This time I won’t need to be rescued.

A familiar sensation tugged at her subconscious. She let it guide her, sidestepping just in time to avoid the brown and white vine snake as it dropped from a hole in the ceiling. She watched as it slithered across the floor and disappeared into a hole in the wall.

Amongst the strange purple vines climbing the walls and green and yellow moss carpeting the floors, the worn down trail seemed to jump out at her perception. Dozens of canine paw prints exited and entered a habitat on the right. The door was stuck only half open and vines had grown up between the slab and the jamb, blocking their way.

“These paw prints look old, and the doorway is mostly blocked. I think the pack may have relocated,” Sinya deduced out loud.

“Or they simply found a different access?” the Chiss warrior offered, the snap-hiss of his lightsaber announcing his intentions. While the violet blade easily cleared the vines, the journeyman Twi’lek closed her ebony eyes and stretched out with her senses.

The Force confirmed what her other senses already told her. The pack of vornskr were no longer here. “They must have left to find a better food source,” Sinya theorized before following the dashing warrior into the habitat.

The area was overgrown. Local plants mixed with those typically found on the planet Myrkr. Several mid sized bones had been picked clean and scattered across the floor. The musty smell of an abandoned den wafted through the space.

“You were right. Looks like they’ve moved on. I’d estimate they have not been back to this nest in over a week, possibly a month,” he said after investigating the area. “Judging by the lack of other creatures, I’d surmise that they over hunted this area and moved out into the surrounding glades.” He moved back out into the corridor and followed the game trail where it led to a gap in the wall. Outside was a humid swampland teeming with life. He squeezed through the narrow opening. “Time for plan B.”

Navigating the interior of the facility had been one thing, but Khryso Mallus was not looking forward to what lay outside of it. As he and Sinya left the corridor and stepped into the wild swamp, his boots sunk several centimeters into a layer of mud, decaying organic matter, and general filth. The smell was repulsive to the Sith Warrior, noxious gases and vile plant spores slamming into him like a wall and bringing him to a halt. “Disgusting,” he muttered, reaching back to ensure his cape hadn’t dragged in the mud. He closed his eyes temporarily to regain his focus as Sinya scanned their surroundings.

“It could certainly be worse,” she responded, though her attention was clearly more centered on detecting the trail of their quarry. Moving forward carefully, the Acolyte immersed herself in the Force, heightening her senses and insight as she moved forward, scanning the environment. The swamp was overflowing with energy due to all of the lifeforms living in harmony, but it was her desire to succeed in this mission, her desire to prove herself, that kept the Force surging through her like river rapids.

The heavy, saturated air still threatened to smother Khryso like a blanket, but he had no choice except to move forward. He wasn’t so weak that he would let something this trivial stop him. It was just that, in many ways, the Chiss had hoped his appointment to Aedile meant an end to missions like these. Trudging through some abhorrent wilderness with a young trainee and no promise of a swift conclusion: it was one of the last things he wanted to be doing. Sinya was far from the worst company; she was capable enough, focused on the mission, and easy on the eyes. That didn’t ease the Sith’s annoyance, much, however. “Let’s just get this done,” he said, mostly to himself. Calling upon the Force, focusing on his feelings of revulsion, Khryso pivoted back to concentrating on the task at hand.

It was only a handful of seconds, however, before Sinya called out success. “I think I’ve found their trail. It’s faint, but distinctive.” Their prey’s unique ability to sense things through the Force made their Force signature more recognizable from the other creatures in the swamp. It also, however, reminded Sinya of the creature’s tendency to hunt other Force sensitive beings. “Predator or prey, I wonder which side we’ll end up on. I know which one I’m pulling for.”

“Predator, of course,” Khryso said blankly, briskly walking to join her, every step emitting an unpleasant pop. “Expel your doubts,” the Sith reached into his cape and produced his LL-30 blaster pistol, “I will ensure we both return from this mission in one piece. Now, please lead the way.” He gestured out into the putrid wilderness where the trail coiled into dense foliage. Sinya rolled her eyes but complied with the order, and the two began to make their way through the swamp.

The trail was inconsistent and unreliable. When it wasn’t winding, splitting, or spiraling, it would sometimes vanish for dozens of meters, forcing the pair to stop and search it out again. Nonetheless, they made great progress, gradually finding more recent traces of the vornskrs’ passing and even the occasional evidence of their work: rotting animal remains, fecal matter, and briefly used dens. They weren’t as far behind the creatures as Sinya had worried they might be and, although the Plagueians’ progress was slow, constantly impeded by twisting foliage and natural barriers, in only a couple of hours, it appeared they were on the heel of their prey.

They came to the foot of a cliff, jutting out of the ground at a sixty degree angle and nearly five meters high, creating a small overhang. Vines and roots from the foliage that grew on the cliff’s edge created a natural curtain, hiding what lay beneath the cliff. Wiry trees and knee-high thick yellow grass created a barrier around the cliff. Far from impassable, but it slowed Khryso’s and Sinya’s progress quite a bit.

Pushing aside the curtain, the trail led the two beneath the overhang. The grass here was flattened and musty smelling, with the smell of wet dogs hanging in the air. The mist had grown thicker while they traveled, but underneath the overhang, condensation had gathered on the bottom of the rock, slowly dripping down. The presence of the creatures was strong here. “This must be their current den,” Sinya said, cautiously reaching for her vibrodagger, “but where are they? It’s still daytime, they should be sleeping.”

“They must have heard us,” Khryso said, shifting his blaster into his left hand, “actually, I think they definitely heard us.”

Sinya’s eyes narrowed as she realized she could sense the presence of five creatures, the same they’d been tracking, slowly circling the area. Between the curtain, the grass, and the trees, they were invisible to the naked eye, but the more she focused, the more pronounced their presence became in the Force. “I’m feeling a lot like prey right now,” she said, her words sounding much more casual than she actually felt.

Khryso had drawn his lightsaber in his right hand, the violet blade ignited. “Focus,” he said, allowing his senses to expand. He could sense Sinya right beside him, tensing up, ready for a fight. Allowing the Force to flow through him, he reached out to her, his senses swirling around the Twi’lek’s mind like a whirlpool. He redirected the movement of the ocean of the Force, creating a current between them, linking their minds. Like a wave crashing over the rocks, his attention smashed back into reality. It was finally time to finish this.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 11 February, 2021 5:14 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The swamp was overflowing with energy due to all of the lifeforms living in harmony, but it was her desire to succeed in this mission, her desire to prove herself, that kept the Force surging through her like river rapids.

God, I love alliteration, and this was a great description, both of scenery and of Sense. In general your post felt like a feast for scene setting. I adored each bit of description of the oh-so-vile swamps and got a chuckle at Khryso stepping around with his cape up to keep it clean at the opener.

The trail was inconsistent and unreliable. When it wasn’t winding, splitting, or spiraling, it would sometimes vanish for dozens of meters, forcing the pair to stop and search it out again. Nonetheless, they made great progress, gradually finding more recent traces of the vornskrs’ passing and even the occasional evidence of their work: rotting animal remains, fecal matter, and briefly used dens.

Again, feast for the eyes. Your post was also very clean. I found almost no grammatical errors at all, and I'm the mean eye for syntax. A missed plural possessive here, a missed hyphen there. You have a tendency to conjoin your dialogue a lot, which got a bit tiresome to the eyes where it felt there should be full stops/pauses, but they were not technically incorrect. Well done.


Can Be Improved

For the second post of this battle, and your first post, there was again no combat whatsoever. Lovely descriptions and well-written examples of Powers are nice, but they needed to be put to use in combat for an ACC match. This was the chance for you to snatch the match after Sinya's first post missed out, but instead you're both staring down the same detractor. It may be tempting to avoid combat between characters in a Cooperative Hall match, or in a Singular Style format, but if you're going to ACC, you should be fighting an established enemy— in this case, your vornskrs.

As the Chiss melded his mind with his companion, he was surprised to find that she was not as singularly focused as he thought. He was bombarded by hundreds of little thoughts and fears. Foremost in her mind was a breakdown of the best possible escape routes. It seemed she had settled on climbing the cliff. She had the proper gear and it was doubtful the Vornskr could reach her up there.

Next, her mind was tracking the six deadly creatures closing in on their position. All six were fully grown, hungry canines whose den was just trespassed. They were ready to violently defend their new territory.

Thoughts about her current battle buddy also surfaced. ’Is he a good fighter? Is his chiseled physique just for show? Can he defend himself, or will I have to protect him? Is his chest as furry as his head? What is his impression of me? Does he like me, or does he see me as a child? Does he know my real name isn’t Ani....

Khryso knew the very moment Sinya noticed the battle meld. The small Twi’lek stiffened, her already large ebony eyes almost doubling in size as she turned her head to look up at the tall Chiss invading her thoughts. The connection was gone in that instant, and so was she. Well she was still there, staring up at him. Her cheeks turning a light magenta as a mix of fear and rage played tug of war with her expression...but her presence in the Force had vanished.

“I don’t know what that was, but i am NOT ok with it,” the young Twi’lek informed him, her lithe body trembling as she slowly stepped away into the shadow of the cliff and faded from his view.

Khryso was taken aback. He had used battlefield meditation with many other comrades and had never seen someone react like that. For a moment, he thought she was going to abandon him out here to fight the apex predators on his own; however, he soon realized she had stayed close at hand. The wet mud sucking at her boots as she walked gave away her position as she prepared for the first attack.

’This should be interesting. Harder for sure, but if the girl is half as good at fighting as she is at surprising me, we should be alright,’ the warrior mused. His purple plasma blade at the ready, he refocused on the predators.

As if on queue, a two meter long brown canine leapt through the curtain of vines. Large powerful forelegs dug into the marshy earth. Turning towards the athletic blue tactician, it lunged with its gaping maw of large sharp teeth. In a flick of the wrist, Khryso brought the brilliant violet blade into the path of the airborne creature, turning it into two very dead hunks of reptile.

“Hey! We’re supposed to take them alive!” The disembodied voice of his partner chided.

“We can’t take them all. This is called thinning the herd,” he replied. “The Shadow Academy needs them cleared out as well as their research preserved. We can only reasonably recover two, which means the rest are a liability.”

Sinya listened...she could hear the other vornskr repositioning, the smell of blood and muck permeated the air. In her experience, timing was everything. She waited hidden in the mystical shadow until the very millisecond the two pack members launched through the canopy at Khryso. Loosing two spheres of crackling stun energy from her heavy blaster pistol as she stepped out from hiding, she witnessed the agile Chiss take one step out of the way as the stunned predators collided with each other in midair, falling to the ground in a jumble of limbs and tails.

“See, we don’t have to kill them. We have…” Sinya stopped short as she felt the familiar tug at her subconscious. She dropped to the ground to roll out of the way; however, the thick marsh had other ideas as the seventh pack member dropped directly upon her from the cliff above.

The amethyst blade of Sinya’s lightsaber sprang to life with a familiar thrum as it impaled the sneaky vornskr. However, its death didn’t come fast enough as the powerful front claws dug deep into her shoulder and the white hot sting of a paralytic toxin traveled through the veins of her leg right leg...

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 11 February, 2021 5:13 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The amethyst blade of Sinya’s lightsaber sprang to life with a familiar thrum as it impaled the sneaky vornskr. However, its death didn’t come fast enough, the powerful front claws dug deep into her shoulder and the white hot sting of a paralytic toxin traveled through the veins of her leg right leg…

You had some lovely descriptors and details in your post, and of course, there's the very important combat. This was a nice incorporation of your creatures and their capabilities too, in showing off the poisoning.

Loosing two spheres of crackling stun energy from her heavy blaster pistol as she stepped out from hiding, she witnessed the agile Chiss take one step out of the way as the stunned predators collided with each other in midair, falling to the ground in a jumble of limbs and tails.

Good use of your Loadouts and various Skills, showing off Blasters, Lightsaber form for both of the combatants, and their powers.

Also, trespass is a great word, very nice use, ten points to Sinyador.


Can Be Improved

Your biggest issue here was in Force Power usage, as you caught two detractors for these. Your Major Realism error was in the misuse of Battle Meditation/Force Meld as a Feat. This power is about synchronizing with others, better coordinating, but it is not Telepathy. Thoughts cannot be heard, read, or otherwise communicated with Battle Meditation. While it's feasible that Sinya herself could try to read Khryso's mind with concentration and not under duress to communicate simple messages, Khryso has no Telepathy on his Sheet at all, and would not be able to know Sinya's thoughts.

The text for Battle Meditation has just been updated to make this extra clear, so hopefully this mistake is avoided in the future. You also had the minor error concerning Concealment where Sinya took no time or concentration at all in order to hide her presence from Khryso; I only marked it as Minor instead of Major because she was not actively doing anything else in that single instance. For now, though, I will repeat my comments from your previous battle I had the honor of judging: these are things that will be easily remedied with a little bit of time and more study of the systems.

As a final note, you did have some more grammar issues here with run-on sentences, comma splices, and listing adjectives without the commas needed to punctuate them.

Before Khryso had time to close the gap between them, Sinya had dispatched her attacker, but was clearly injured. Raising his lightsaber in a simple warding motion, weaving the blade in a figure eight, he took a moment to reach out into the Force and assess her condition. The Twi’lek hadn’t been thrilled at his attempt to connect them earlier, so he was careful not to probe too invasively. He could sense her anxiety and pain and a certain degree of anger. She was still conscious, still wanting to fight, but she didn’t seem entirely able. Something was beginning to sap her strength.

The Chiss carefully moved closer to her so he could help cover her while she was down and began to focus on bringing forth recuperative energy, allowing it to wash over Sinya like a tide. The Force should speed along her healing and hopefully make her mobile again. “Can you get up?”

Sinya pushed herself up into a sitting position, gritting her teeth as she tried to pull her right leg under her to stand up. “The venom is keeping my leg out,” she muttered bitterly, “but I can still get up.” She began to shift all of her weight onto her left leg, pushing herself up. The wound in her shoulder was already starting to feel better thanks to the warmth that had washed over her. As long as Khryso didn’t push his way back into her mind, she could put up with whatever he was doing. That didn’t mean she had to be thrilled about it, though.

“Their venom shouldn’t be that potent,” Khryso mused, his lips pressed tightly together, “they must have been enhanced somehow…”

That was right, Sinya recalled, their venom shouldn’t be much more than an irritant to an adult humanoid. She was small, but she wasn’t so small that it should be leaving her leg numb and immobile. She didn’t have much more time to consider it, however, as one of the vornskr darted out of the trees, making a break for her. Evidently, it had taken her standing awkwardly on one leg as a sign of weakness. It was mistaken. A slight blip in the back of her mind had given her a reminder to focus just a moment before the creature appeared, allowing her to bring her saber up in a quick vertical slash, catching the side of the creature’s face and causing it to yelp in surprise, quickly circling around to her right, hoping to force her onto her weakened leg.

Khryso, however, had shifted his position, shifting his mind back into combat mode. Pivoting on his left leg, passing through the curtain of vines, the Chiss was able to throw his lightsaber, sending it spinning into the vornskr’s side. As the creature collapsed, its remaining packmates seized on the opportunity. A pair of black blurs emerged, striking at either side of the now disarmed Sith.

Khryso threw himself backwards, reaching out to call his lightsaber back to his hand. The vornskrs had missed their pounces, but as they landed, the two canines quickly pressed their advantage, one jumping on Khryso while the other bared its fangs at Sinya, trying to prevent her from assisting Khryso. Thankfully, the Chiss still had his blaster handy, pumping his assailant with several stun blasts as his lightsaber returned to his hand. With a quick flourish, he decapitated the dazed creature.

Upon seeing its packmate die, the final vornskr was momentarily distracted, giving Sinya the opportunity to push forward, aggressively striking at the canine with her saber. The creature tried to retreat, but the Twi’lek successfully struck it down. However, the momentum of her retaliation caused her to tumble forward, landing in the muck of the marsh.

Khryso slowly stood up, muttering muffled curses as he tried to wipe the grass and mud from his pants and cape. After a moment, he composed himself, taking a deep breath, before spotting Sinya and moving to her side. Reaching out, he grabbed her arm and helped her back to her feet. The Twi’lek was frustrated, but at this point she was just glad their task was completed. “Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”

Khryso nodded, retreating and taking a moment to look around at the dead animals. “Well done, Acolyte. Let’s get out of here. I’ll carry the prisoners.” Khryso moved over to the two stunned but still living vornskrs and began to lift one.

“I can carry one,” Sinya said, making her way over to the pile.

“Are you sure?” Khryso asked, eyeing her cautiously. The truth of the matter was, he didn’t want to carry either of the beasts. However, Sinya was small, injured, and her leg was clearly not working, so it only seemed right of him to take the load.

“I am,” she said bluntly, fixing her eyes on one of the creatures and concentrating. Reaching her hands out, she called upon the Force as it bubbled up inside of her, allowing its energy to spread out and surround the unconscious animal. Slowly but surely, the vornskr began to lift from the ground, hovering next to Sinya.

Khryso spread his hands in a gesture of defeat before turning to the other creature and hoisting it over his shoulder. He immediately regretted it as the smell of wild filth filled his awareness and the creature’s dirty hide stained his clothes. He really couldn’t wait to get out of here, the Chiss needed a nice long steam. His robes and cape could use one, too.

The two Plagueians began the long trek back to the facility, carrying the captured specimens.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 11 February, 2021 5:17 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Thankfully, the Chiss still had his blaster handy, pumping his assailant with several stun blasts as his lightsaber returned to his hand. With a quick flourish, he decapitated the dazed creature.

First of all, nice callback to your first post in which he has his blaster drawn then shifts it off-hand to make room for his lightsaber. Secondly, there's the combat! And plenty of it. Well done hitting beats of action one after another.

“I am,” she said bluntly, fixing her eyes on one of the creatures and concentrating. Reaching her hands out, she called upon the Force as it bubbled up inside of her, allowing its energy to spread out and surround the unconscious animal. Slowly but surely, the vornskr began to lift from the ground, hovering next to Sinya.

This was a nice character moment and pay off for Sinya, to which I must nod. It's always refreshing to see combatants highlight their opponents and to see any moment of character growth is fantastic.


Can Be Improved

Due to the final fight, as it were, being crammed into this final post, things got a bit confusing at times keeping up with what Sinya and Khryso did to what member of the pack and also a bit convenient at how easily some were killed with just as much as a single sentence of being struck. None of that is wrong, mind, but it did echo the second tier of the rubric on having "the basis for a good story…" but having, "the result feel[s] rushed and few strong elements...are present." I and my co-judge had to count down the vornskrs introduced and then killed in order to keep track of Continuity in those few paragraphs.

The Chiss carefully moved closer to her so he could help cover her while she was down and began to focus on bringing forth recuperative energy, allowing it to wash over Sinya like a tide. The Force should speed along her healing and hopefully make her mobile again.

That said, your post was still extremely solid, and finished off the narrative. What hurt your score here was also a Realism detractor that I have marked as minor due to the rest of the elements of Khryso's usage of Healing being well done/accurate: Healing +3 means he can do it with less concentration for small wounds but that it still takes concentration/time and drains him, while he doesn't need contact because of the Synergy Feat. The only part you missed was the fatigue Khryso needed to show. He gave her enough of his own energy to stop the poison from spreading and close the wounds in her shoulder. Remember to show some amount of how that's going to affect him.

A slight blip in the back of her mind had given her a reminder to focus just a moment before the creature appeared, allowing her to bring her saber up in a quick vertical slash, catching the side of the creature’s face and causing it to yelp in surprise, quickly circling around to her right, hoping to force her onto her weakened leg.

Just an example here of one of those very few Syntax errors, for sanity's sake. This was quite the run-on sentence.