Master Marick Tyris Arconae vs. Mystic Aru Law

Master Marick Tyris Arconae

Elder 2, Elder tier, Clan Arcona
Male Hapan, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Obelisk
vs.

Mystic Aru Law

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Human, Force Disciple, Shadow, Consular
Comment

First of all, gentlemen and droids, allow me to thank you for your great patience in the grading of this match and for your participation in the 2021 SARLACC competition. Your enthusiasm for this match and for the ACC is treasured.

Both of you obviously had quite a few clever moments in this battle that made it pretty dang fun to read, from the straightman and comic relief interactions between Marick and Aru to the added personality and levity from Biddy and Tinker, to a lot of phrasing and character features. Each of you had some excellent, rich combat, and made nice use of one another's story beats in your respective posts to carry on and enrich the narrative. Wally, the only thing we would've liked to see more of from you was more action from your opponent to pair with that epic action Marick has earned scrap by scrap. Aru, you had some missteps in several areas that I think some extra proofing and attention to and consideration of detail would have prevented. Carefully read both your own Character Sheet and your opponent's posts to avoid as much in the future. Your comments are dense, but do not let that deter you. A little more practice and you'll be much more of a polished ACCer ready to give everyone more Aru in their lives.

Overall, our winner is Marick Tyris Arconae. Thank you both for this match, and know I look forward to seeing more from you in the future.

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Master Marick Tyris Arconae, Mystic Aru Law
Winner Master Marick Tyris Arconae
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Master Marick Tyris Arconae's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Mystic Aru Law's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 22 February, 2021 6:37 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir
Syntax - 15%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Dr. Aru Law
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: One or two small errors per post. Rationale: Repeated errors throughout that distracted slightly from reading.
Story - 40%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Dr. Aru Law
Score: 4 Score: 2
Rationale: Strong posts kept back from a higher score due to imbalance of character "screen time," see post comments. Rationale: While your first post was stronger, your second post suffered in two areas that resulted in bringing this score down. See post comments.
Realism - 25%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 Score: 3
Rationale: None found. Rationale: One Major and one Minor detractor in your first post.
Continuity - 20%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Dr. Aru Law
Score: 5 Score: 2
Rationale: None found. Rationale: One major error that alters the narrative.
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae's Score: 4.45 Dr. Aru Law's Score: 2.4
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

Why do I do this?

Marick Tyris Arconae had asked himself this question many times in recent years. Against all odds, he had managed to survive long enough to finally, formally retire. He had been handed a golden opportunity to walk away from it all—the danger, the intrigue, the risk. Yet he had, inevitably, been summoned once again to serve his Clan. That was the only logical explanation for why the former Combat Master was currently waiting on standby in the entrance tunnels to the Arx Colosseum.

“This is going to be epic,” Aru Law stated boldly with confidence.

“Mhm.” Marick glanced sidelong at his Aedile, skeptical, but kept his thoughts to himself.

“What kind of creatures do you think we’re going to get,” Aru continued, pepping himself up as he jogged in place and did a few calisthenics. “I tried to get Ciara to tell me in advance, but she was coy, as usual. She likes me.”

“Mhm.” Marick nodded, skeptical, but again kept his response to himself.

The recently appointed Battleteam Leader had thought he would be working remotely, focusing on logistics, planning, asset management, and budgeting. Yet his Quaestor, Tali Sroka, had requested the Arconae’s ‘veteran presence’ on this mission to represent House Qel-Droma. Marick did not have to dig too deeply into the deeper translation of someone needs to watch the Aedile.

“I hope she’s going to be in the stands watching,” Aru prattled on. “Really need to impress her, you know? And with the rest of the crowd packed in...”

“Wait. Crowd?” Marick replied finally with an actual note of concern in his usually collected tone.

Aru turned to face the half-Hapan and lifted an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah? The Shadow Academy had the facility upgraded so that spectators could safely observe the creatures.

Arx’s economy had definitely taken a hit in the wake of the Collective’s full scale assault on the planet. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Marick respected the idea of trying to give the local residents of Arx the escape of exotic entertainment. The more rational part of his mind, however, had a very, very bad feeling about this.

As if on cue, servos began to churn as the triple-reinforced blast door lifted slowly to grant egress to the main arena. The Arconae rolled his shoulders beneath his Shaed, the armorweave cloak covering his synthweave bodyarmor and the twin lightsabers clipped to his belt. He did a cursory check over his shoulder to make sure that the static pike he had decided to bring along was still snug in its back sheath.

Off to the side, Marick’s BD-1 unit, Biddy, was chirping optimistically at Aru’s astromech, Tinker. Tinker seemed less confident as he gestured towards his master.

Aru, of course, was busy drawing, twirling, and then holstering his blaster pistol in a few different ways, clearly practicing some kind of fancy flourish. He even mouthed a pew to sell the effect. Marick idly suspected this to be Wyndell’s fault, knowing that his half-brother had teamed up with Law during the previous operation for the Shadow Academy.

The heavy door completed its ascent. On the sobering thought of anyone learning something from Wyn, Marick trailed Aru out through the vomitorium tunnel and stepped into the blinding lights of the main arena.

Marick’s too-blue eyes took a moment to adjust before they immediately began to detail all the changes that had been made since his last time visiting the Colosseum. The floor-to-ceiling transparisteel guard-walls were the most obvious addition. They stretched skyward until connecting at a concave juncture to form a bubble-like dome.

At the very least, it did a fair job of separating the spectators from the live, experimental wild creatures on display within. There were a fair amount of Arx citizens in civilian clothing dotting the stands, with tell-tale lab coats, datapads, and quadnocs breaking up the ranks.

The high-tech cameras had clearly been updated since their original attempts at broadcasting the Grand Master’s tournament. Their feeds aggregated into a giant vidscreen mounted over the north and south sections of the Colosseum where anyone unable to see below could catch a replay or alternate angle.

The air was dry and clean compared to the rest of Uskil. Various stone crags and mesas had been erected across the arena floor, with plated tree corals lining the cracked, rocky ground. A coating of loose sand and sediment signaled potential footing problems, but it was better than trying to trudge through a swamp again.

The Master’s study of the new environment came to a sudden halt as a screeching siren pierced his senses. It was followed by the swelling staccato of skittering pincers.

Click-clack-clack-clack-click-click-clack-click-clack

“Oh no,” Aru breathed, his body shaking as his hand trembled visibly over the grip of his blaster pistol. “Could it have literally been anything else!? A mutant rancor or...or more mastiff phallones, anything!?”

“What? They look like standard Krykna, no different than any other arachnid,” Marick explained flatly as he activated one of his lightsabers and tossed it haphazardly to the side. Before the azure-bladed weapon could fall, he grabbed a hold of it with the Force. The Master idly broke off a small part of his mind to maintain a Telekinetic grip on the weapon. The lightsaber, in response, began to float protectively behind Marick’s back.

In the same fluid motion, Tyris reached over his shoulder and brandished his static pike. There was a horde of krykna closing in fast. The Arcanist counted at least a dozen, with more spilling out from sink holes scattered across the arid terrain.

“Their hides are durable and resistant to blaster fire. Aim for the eyes, avoid letting them surround—”

“—How do you know that!?” Aru cried.

“I read over the catalogue of potential creatures,” Marick replied evenly. “Did you not?”

Aru looked at Marick with a medley of terror, disbelief, and suspiration.

Marick blinked once. “Fine. I will lure them away. Try not to draw too much attention to yourself for once.” With that, the Arconae broke into a sprint towards the opposite end of the arena, his floating lightsaber following him like an obedient probe droid. The azure blade of plasma served as a beacon. As he waved the static pike back and forth like a flag, Tyris further earned the krykna’s focus as they started to swarm towards the Arconae.

Marick leapt up onto a nearby mesa to give himself the high ground. The arachnids followed dutifully, with the first creature lashing out with its needle-like legs to skewer him from behind. It was driven back by Tyris’ telekinetic lightsaber. With his back secure for the moment, Marick sidestepped the next krykna that lunged for him and drove the tip of the static pike straight through its beady little eyes. The creature howled, and Marick struck again at its second eye with mechanical precision.

There was no time to think. The Force flowed freely through the Master as he tapped it for augmented balance and grace. His telekinetic saber sliced through the attack-leg of one arachnid while his pike parried the strike of another. Marick dodged, ducked, and danced backward, his boots weaving smoothly across the solid stone beneath his feet.

When there were only a few krykna remaining, one finally managed to get its teeth onto the static pike’s shaft. Marick struggled to wrestle the weapon away from the creature, but a sneak attack from his exposed flank forced him to forfeit the weapon and reach instead for his second lightsaber. He missed the molded hilt of his previous saber, but it was lost somewhere at the bottom of a sinkhole in the marshes outside the Research Laboratory.

The Master spun and worked his hand-held saber into tight coils, cutting through arachnid limbs and leaving a rising pile of corpses that took away the available space on his mesa. Combined with the similarly colored and telekinetically suspended saber, Marick blurred into an azure cyclone of death that finished off the last of the arachnids in his immediate vicinity. Marick panted as he took a moment to catch his breath. His eyes took notice of the crowd, who all seemed to be roaring with a strange compound of encouragement and blood lust.

Then he spared a glance back towards where he had left Aru and Tinker. Law had frozen in place, apparently, but was hiding behind an equally shaky Tinker. The astromech droid twittered nervously as another cadre of krykna was closing in on him. Aru fired his blaster blindly into the fray, but the creature's thick hides endured.

“The eyes!” Marick called out.

Aru blinked a few times in confusion, but then pieced the words together. He adjusted his aim slightly and fired off a salvo of more focused blasts. One of them found its mark, and the krykna hissed, stumbled, and then collapsed mid motion in an awkward tangle of lanky legs. “Oh...yeah! Take that you six-legged freaks!”

The Mystic lined up his next shot, but the krykna, in harmony, fanned out into evasive patterns. Tinker whistled apprehensively as Aru swept his blaster pistol back and forth, desperately trying to draw a bead on one of them and firing warning shots into the ground. The arachnids, leveraging a preternatural level of coordination, avoided these shots but began to encircle Law like a shiver of sharks.

They do not pay me enough for this, the Battleteam Leader thought as he recovered his static pike and raced to intercept the creatures before they could consume his Aedile.

Meanwhile, in a final act of self preservation, the surrounded Shadow shimmered out of view and vanished under a veil of the Force. Tinker looked around, bewildered, but the arachnids did not seem to pay the astromech droid any mind. Marick skidded short just before the cluster of krykna, who now all seemed to turn their attention towards him.

Kist,” Tyris swore.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 10 March, 2021 2:54 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

On the sobering thought of anyone learning something from Wyn, Marick trailed Aru out through the vomitorium tunnel and stepped into the blinding lights of the main arena.

You made me laugh out loud (and literally say, "mood," at Tinker), which is always good and worth noting in writing. Besides that, your descriptions are rich, vivid, and loaded with alliteration — which will never not be brilliant — and your post itself takes the time to solidly depict both Aru and Marick in their personalities and their Skills/Powers/Aspects.

In addition to the swift but substantive setup and generous action, your posts were also very clean. I only caught one or two errors.


Can Be Improved

The couple of Syntax errors I mentioned were simple: a missing closing quotation on dialogue, a randomly capitalized "Telekinetic" mid-sentence, and using "suspiration" as a feeling Marick has when the noun form, as you know, is a long sigh. I assume you meant exasperation or something similar.

The only other caution I would give here is that Aru as a character did very little — involving combat or "screen time" once the spiders came out — until the very end, and it was a short moment for him. Compared to Marick's several action paragraphs, his contribution seemed lopsided. It was still present, which ticks the box for any opening ACC post, but in the context of your writing, I suppose I as a reader just wanted to have more to keep reading.

The Arconae jumped from his position onto the ground and dashed towards the swarm of arachnids heading his way. He intercepted the first two before the others could surround him. With a precise swing from above, all the way down to its middle, Marick slashed one in half. He then sidestepped away from an incoming fanged lunge and stuck his lightsaber right in between the krykna’s eyes. The creature screeched in pain, its legs twitching rapidly before it came to a complete halt.

The half-Hapan quickly expanded his reach through the Force. The presence was unmistakable. It was what could only be described as liquid Force that somehow was kept together in a humanoid shaped blob.

”There he is.”

When the kryknas had shifted targets, Aru had taken the chance to further distance himself from the creatures. He was now more than fifty meters away from the Elder Arconan.

Tinker was still looking around for his master, in the same position he was left at.

Meanwhile, the four remaining kryknas had reached Marick. He jumped backwards to put some distance between them—and during that jump—the Elder swiftly moved his right hand towards the creatures. A Human head-sized boulder flew into one of them, accelerating at its peak momentum for maximum impact. The creature was squashed against one of the mesas nearby.

With his pike, Marick nimbly cut the second creature’s front legs, augmenting his slashing strength briefly. He then put an end to its misery by piercing its head.

“Two more”

The half-Hapan grabbed his second lightsaber from behind him and moved them both in front of him, holding and gripping them tightly. The two kryknas jumped at the same time, forcing the Arconae to move left. Marick took the chance to slash across one of the creature’s bodies. Its hardened chitin took longer to cut through than he had anticipated, which allowed the second krykna to land and jump back again.

Before the Elder could extend his hand forward to push it away, the spider-like creature was struck by a shot of blasterfire. A blue bolt accurately pierced its head, traveling through its left eye. The creature was dead, flopping upside down. Its legs bending towards its body.

“Woo!” Marick heard a shout from the distance.

He looked in the direction the sound had come from to find his Aedile flourishing his blaster pistol. He then holstered it in his pocket and threw a fist pump

“Did you see that?” Aru yelled, clearly with more enthusiasm than he should’ve. “I killed it!”

Marick sheathed his lightsabers. He made his way towards the center of the arena. A quick glance around the stands and he found the Academic booth, where Ciara sat. He could see her well. She was calm, smiling softly.

“You fight well!” Aru shouted. Marick’s concentration was shattered by the arrival of the Mystic.

“Hmm.” The Arconae finally breathed deeply, and like always maintained a deadpan expression.

“Look, there!” Aru pointed towards the stands, to which Marick turned his head slowly. “It’s Lady Atyiru! And…Amis?”

The Human was confused to see Amis Jumah, his Twi’lek companion sitting next to the Arconae Miraluka.

He already knew that. He had felt her as soon as he stepped inside of the arena.

“Oi! Amis!” The gray Jedi yelled towards them. “Did you see me? I killed that karking spider!”

Amis sunk in her chair, trying to hide from view. The blue Twi’lek felt a warm hand on her cheek. She turned to see Atyiru smiling towards her. “It’s ok to cheer on those we love, dear.”

The Twi’lek’s cheeks went purple as she closed her eyes in embarrassment.

“You can do it!” she courageously yelled. Then she lowered her tone down to a whisper. “Dummy.”


Several service droids entered the arena and gathered the remains of the fallen krykna. After they finished, the speakers around the coliseum came to life, as a metallic feminine voice spoke.

“Wave one cleared. Wave two begins in T minus ten seconds.”

Marick once again grabbed his lightsabers. He stood tall and slim, waiting for what was coming.

The coliseum’s main gate slowly opened. A wave of dust flew away, from the wind current created by its opening. Its tunnel was dark, and even the Elder was having a hard time looking inside. A very familiar clicking sound was now heard. Getting louder, and louder, until it became a swarming that almost sounded like a rainstorm was about to hit them.

Screeches accompanied the swarming noises. Dozens of kryknas rushed out of the tunnel. More than fifty for sure. But that wasn’t the end. After all those creatures had come out of the tunnel, a much louder screech echoed throughout the arena.

Aru watched in terror as a giant krykna crawled out of the main tunnel. Way over four meters tall. The creature had bulbous red balls on its body, and a lime green slime oozed out of its fangs.

“What in the mother of all gundarks is that?”

“Hmpf. You shouldn’t sound so surprised. You are working for the likes of them,” Marick stated. There was a slight concern in his too blue eyes. “I can’t protect you from this.”

“Who told you I needed protection?” Aru tried to sound smug, but his voice cracked at the end. His fear of arachnids had taken over. “You worry about yourself!” he finally said.

“Will do.”

The two broke off in different directions. Marick went for the leftmost region of the arena, where more mesas of different heights were located. He hoped the number of obstacles would make it harder for the kryknas to clutter around him, making it easier to fend them off.

On the other hand, Aru moved to the clearer area of the coliseum, on the south. He favored that area because it would allow him to run away more easily. The Human held his lightsaber with both hands—and widened his stance—to allow for a steadier base. A vivid green blade came to life.

The kryknas divided in almost equal numbers, intending to pursue both of the Arconans at the same time. The giant one, however, stood by the entrance, merely biding its time.

As several creatures approached Aru, he fended them off with pure defensive blows. Each time he parried a fang or a leg, he took a step back, always maintaining his concentration on defence. Only when he saw a clear opportunity did he switch to one hand combat to quickly fire his blaster from the hip. The rhythm was intense, but he managed to kill two of the creatures already.

Marick, on the other hand, had already killed seven. Even though the Elder was a master of Soresu, he was capable of turning its defensive capabilities into offence, by using his parries against the creatures to throw them against each other, and then finishing them off when they tried to get back up.

The Arconae barely managed to keep the swarm at bay, but he quickly glanced over to his Aedile, who was now surrounded, and being pushed against a wall. To make things worse, the giant krykna was now on the move. Although slow, it moved towards Aru, who was completely unaware of that.

“Kark!” Marick cursed.

The half-Hapan jumped high towards a mesa, and got rid of the arachnids. Then, with swift movements, he jumped towards Aru’s direction, landing without a sound and immediately breaking into a sprint to intercept the giant creature that threatened his life.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 10 March, 2021 2:50 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

“Oi! Amis!” The gray Jedi yelled towards them. “Did you see me? I killed that karking spider!”

Amis sunk in her chair, trying to hide from view. The blue Twi’lek felt a warm hand on her cheek. She turned to see Atyiru smiling towards her. “It’s ok to cheer on those we love, dear.”

This was, admittedly, super adorable and got me to buy into Aru as a character more besides him wanting to impress Ciara and generally show off.

You crammed your post with action and combat from both Aru and Marick and wrote each of them respectively well. I'm always impressed when an author really seems to grasp how to write their opponent's character fighting, and you did so.

The creature had bulbous red balls on its body, and a lime green slime oozed out of its fangs.

You got at least two (2) Judges to say, "I need an adult." Congrats.


Can Be Improved

There were some Syntax errors repeated throughout the post that distracted somewhat from reading, mainly in comma splices, a missing punctuation at the end of thought, and an incident or two of misuse of expressions or missing commas that I would chalk up to English being your second language. While I liked the introduction of Atty and Amis, I would caution you to that whole little aside section that broke the flow of the battle with a soft reset to everything — kill the enemy, we're good, have a celebratory moment, resume next round. It was like starting over again. You can add in interactions like that without necessarily stopping and starting.

Of particular note here in this post were a couple head scratchers for me on how Aru was fighting — it seemed you both adhered to and didn't adhere to his Combat Aspects, as he was shown to go first for his blaster and be tricksy with the Force Cloak usage, but then after the two parted ways and he chose to run south specifically because it'd be "easier to run away," he exchanged his blaster for his lightsaber and turned with a firm grip/stance to fight instead of continuing to flee or hiding, which he was plenty capable of with aforementioned Force Cloak. I didn't ding you for it, but I was puzzled by it after reviewing his sheet. Perhaps explaining his thought process more would help, or showing why he had to fight with his blade rather than find any other way out.

Your one Major Detractor here in Realism came from Aru having no Dual Wielding Skill to allow for successfully fending off the spiders with using the saber in one hand and the blaster in the other. It's well written in that he concentrates on the fighting, and it's more framed as though he is using one and then the other more than using them simultaneously, but he's still holding both at once and using each effectively without any trouble. Unfortunately, that's a ding.

Sweat beaded across his forehead. It dripped down from the matted strands of his straight, ashen hair. His breathing was heavy but steady, and on the surface he looked calm and ready. Adrenaline coursed and flowed freely through his veins as he closed the distance between himself and his Aedile.

As he ran, the Arcanist dropped an anchor into the slipstream of the living Force and tapped into its ethereal energy field. Never slowing his steps, Marick drew from its wellspring to rapidly restore his own reserves.

With no obstacles left in his path, Tyris had plenty of time to intercept the giant krykna. His levitating lightsabers lifted higher into the air on either side of him as if their telekinetic holds had been reinvigorated. He started to charge the static pike and honed in on the encroaching mutant arachnoid.

"Beep-boo!"

From his perch on his master’s shoulder, Biddy chirped and gestured with one of his plated feet towards the stands. Marick usually was able to translate the B1-unit’s intent through context clues, but did not have time to piece this one together. The Arconae did turn his head towards the crowd, curious...

And then nearly crashed, face first, into a spire of sand that shot up from the ground like a burst, oversized pipeline.

Preternatural reflexes and a pinch of premonition through the Force allowed the half-Hapan to toe-tap, pivot, and spin away from the obstacle without breaking stride. A second sand stream spouted up a few meters ahead, but Marick was ready this time and juked adroitly around it.

Out of the corner of his eye, Marick spotted one of the scientists standing close to the barrier between the arena and the amphitheater. Close enough that his fat nose was pressing into the glass as his beady eyes flitted between the arena and his oversized data pad. His pudgy fingers were tapping away at...something. Whatever it was, it made the Human lick his lips with excitement and a snicker.

As he deftly dodged a third geyser of gushing sand, Marick came to the conclusion that the operator controlling the arena’s plethora of mechanical traps and terrain tools was most likely the scientist in the stands.

He could deal with that later. For now, he had two directives—protect the Aedile, and kill the giant spider. Then, kill more spiders. Simple enough.

Marick’s lightsabers darted ahead of him as he directed the first azure blade towards the towering creatures's eyes while the second blade angled for its legs. The creature moved a spindly leg in front of its face to deflect the first attack and let the second connect with one of its other legs. Instead of the expected screeching and spray of ichor, however, the giant krykna’s hide repelled the bite of the lightsaber.

Lovely.


Aru managed to down a fourth krykna with a cleverly placed blaster bolt to the eye. “Hah, get some!” he hooted, before nearly tripping over the corpse of the previous arachnoid he had slain. As Aru flailed his arms to the sides, one of the creatures cleverly latched onto the Human’s arm and wrenched away the lightsaber gripped in his hand.

“Hey! That’s mine!” the Aedile shouted as he twisted and fired a point-blank shot into the retreating krykna’s head. A sixth krykna hissed as it leapt in front of its comrade and sacrificed its own hide to take the hit. Law depressed the trigger and mercilessly unloaded into the creature's face until nothing was left but pulpy slime and ichor.

While he was in the clear, for now, he was now without his trusted weapon. Did these stupid spiders have any idea how expensive lightsabers were? Tali was going to literally kill him if he somehow survived this.

That was when he looked up to see the giant krykna for the first time. He watched as two magically guided lightsabers bounced fruitlessly off the creature's evolved hide.

“Meep,” he squeaked. Tinker, his astromech, beeped nervously in agreement.


Marick’s lightsabers had little effect against the giant krykna’s hide, and now it was close enough to try and skewer him with one of its spindly, spear-tipped legs. Fortunately, despite its size, it was not all that fast.

Marick was.

The Master timed his bursts of speed just before the point of impact, weaving and swerving through the krykna’s staccato stomping of its stiletto-pointed legs. Always just enough to avoid certain death while still conserving his energy. Above, his drifting lightsabers continued to harass the mutant arachnoid's head from different angles, keeping its attention split while Marick searched for an opening.

“Hey, ugly, have a taste of this!” a familiar voice called out, accompanied by a salvo of blaster fire.

Marick risked a glance towards his Aedile and would have sighed if he could spare the breath. Still, it did seem to draw the giant krykna’s focus. The Arcanist saw an opening and took it.

“Biddy, go,” Tyris commanded. The little droid saluted with its foot and then bounded off towards Aru and Tinker to lend his support.

With the droid gone, Marick bent at the knees and then launched himself up into the air with an augmented boost. His armorweave cloak billowed behind him until it finally flew from his shoulders and was gone with the wind. The amplified height of his narrow arc allowed him to safely crest over the giant krykna’s limbs and come down at a hard angle for the top of its head.

The Master let out a defiant shout as he rammed the static pike through the creature's eye and straight through to the back of its skull. At the same moment, he discharged the stored energy in the weapon’s tip. The titanic arachnoid started to convulse and twitch and spasm as its limbs lost their virility and coordination and caused it to plummet bonelessly towards the sandy arena.

Marick rode the creature on its way down to the ground. He ripped the static pike free, vaulted away, and then landed smoothly a few meters away. A moment later, the rest of the giant krykna’s body crashed into the arena floor, sending up a cloud of sand and sediment.

“Woah,” Aru breathed. Tinker let out a whistle of appreciation. Biddy beeped excitedly as he leapt up onto Law’s shoulder and opened the storage compartment concealed within its chestplate. Aru blinked a few times but then shrugged and stuck his hand in. He pulled out a shoto lightsaber hilt.

“What’s this?” Aru asked as he inspected the new weapon and then activated its cerulean blade. “Ooo...it’s smaller in my hand than I’m used to, but, hey, it’ll do.”

Tinker whined in what could be considered a droid-like sigh. Biddy whirred excitedly, happy to have helped.

“Hey, thanks Marick, but I totally had things under control.”

The half-Hapan fixed his Aedile with a flat stare. “Mhm.” His eyes shifted to the stands where he finally spotted the cluster of Arconans that had gathered. He neglected to see their Quaestor or other Summit members, but he did spot a familiar, blindfolded face. She had an unusual frown fixed upon her lips, but when she seemed to sense his attention land on her, it changed to a bright and vibrant smile. Lovelier than the moon.

“You can borrow it but I will need it back,” Marick gestured at the shoto lightsaber as he turned away from the stands and continued to assess the developing situation. “There are bound to be more.”

“Okay, fair, but don’t—”

The ground began to shake and tremble. Without any further warning, a square cube of maybe twenty meters sunk down into the ground like a rogue turbo lift, plunging the two Arconans and their droids into a dark pit.

Marick’s eyes struggled to adjust to the change in lighting. The operators clearly knew enough about the former Voice of the Brotherhood’s heritage, because even the faint light from the arena above started to dim. The glow of Marick’s lightsabers and Aru’s borrowed shoto were the only light sources now, making it nearly impossible for the half-Hapan to see.

Aru pressed the frame of his blaster pistol against the side of his head in disbelief. “What the ever loving f—”

“—stay calm,” Marick cut the Aedile’s complaint short with a steady stage whisper. “I’m going to get you out of here, first. I need you to trust me, though.” He recalled both lightsabers but left them hovering in place. He even made a hand gesture to both of them as if he were telling a tooka to stay. He then looked upward and made a few quick mental calculations.

“Sure but what does—”

Marick grabbed the Aedile by the robes and pulled him close, as if to give him a rough embrace.

“Hey, I know I’m your commanding officer, but buy me a drink first at least—” the Human’s quip was interrupted by a sudden case of vertigo as the two Arconans lurched up into the air thanks to an amplified push from Marick’s jump. They barely made it over the lip of the square pits edge, and rolled unceremoniously together before splaying out on top of each other.

As they both scrambled back to their feet—Marick doing so with much more grace—the lighting had indeed seemed to shift towards the hues of a desert night. The temperature, fortunately, did not seem to drop in kind.

While the Arcanist looked around to get an idea of what else they would be facing, he once again reached out into the living Force that permeated plentifully from the planet Arx to briskly refuel his power.

“Wait, we forgot about Tinker!” Aru exclaimed. Biddy, who had been smart enough to latch onto Marick’s shoulder, beeped in concern. Tyris glanced back down towards the stray droid, just as the clicking and clattering of krykna could be seen and heard.

“He’s just a dr...” Marick started to say before his eyes found Atyiru looking down at him. She was not frowning, this time, but had a somber look he knew to be one of determination. He could have been imagining it, but he thought he heard her voice in his head, faint but radiant.

I will protect those who cannot protect themselves...

Marick nodded to her, and while he knew she could not see it, he knew she could sense it. Then, without another word, he jumped back down into the pit.

The crowd reacted to that one, that was for sure, as a collective gasp seemed to resonate throughout the amphitheater.

The half-Hapan landed and quickly grabbed a hold of the astromech droid. Tinker started to protest, but Marick waved a hand and the droid started to float upward. He rose slowly at first, but then accelerated closer to the midway point before being launched the last stretch of the distance and over the edge.

That left Marick, alone, surrounded by an unknown amount of krykna.

“Hmm,” the Arconae murmured as his dual telekinetic lightsabers started to circle him protectively like a pair of sapphire shields. At the same time, he readied his static pike and tapped further into the Force to augment his vision against the dark.

Even an Elder Force Disciple would not be able to maintain this battle tactic for long. At least now, there was no reason for him to hold anything back. No politics or dramatics. The rank of Master had not been handed to him. No, Marick Tyris had earned it, step by step, punch for punch. His hands were soaked permanently with the blood of everything he had done to rise above his station.

So for now, all Marick could do was simply push past his limits, and go beyond them.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 10 March, 2021 2:51 PM UTC

First of all: your references, I get them and love them, all of them (except gone with the wind, you got a sigh for that). Also, #DroidLivesMatter

The Master let out a defiant shout as he rammed the static pike through the creature's eye and straight through to the back of its skull. At the same moment, he discharged the stored energy in the weapon’s tip. The titanic arachnoid started to convulse and twitch and spasm as its limbs lost their virility and coordination and caused it to plummet bonelessly towards the sandy arena.

Marick rode the creature on its way down to the ground. He ripped the static pike free, vaulted away, and then landed smoothly a few meters away. A moment later, the rest of the giant krykna’s body crashed into the arena floor, sending up a cloud of sand and sediment.

"Woah," from me too, Aru, woah from me too. There was a positive plethora of cool and believable action from Marick in this post, from all that grace of slaughter to how we got to see the Elder Arcanist Feat get flexed so much and attention paid to the nightblindness. We also got to see Aru be competent and combative, quick-drawing on the eyes of several of those spiders. He really served as our everyman grounding point, from the disbelief at the big spider to the confusion at the pit dropping out and the worrying for his droid.

You also injected quite a bit of comedy here through phrasing, which I'm sure some appreciated. :P


Can Be Improved

While understandable in the context of the battle (what with Aru being afraid of the spiders) it still seems like a token effort/amount of time and text is given to Aru's character or abilities. He's present, he kills some of the enemies, and he interacts with Marick in the back half, but nevertheless those line breaks serve a pretty convenient visual of Marick's "screen time" vs Aru's. It would have been nice to see more of a marriage of the two. Especially since they've now tumbled without even having a drink bought first. This sort of disparity appearing in both of your posts is ultimately what held it back from a 5 for me.

Again, your posts were very clean, with only a handful of errors in Syntax. I was a little confused at the end about the level of lighting in the arena compared to that in the pit, and if Marick's nightblindness wasn't hampering him back topside or not when he looks back at Atty and decides to save Tinker, but considering he also has +3 Sense and had already seen her in that spot in Aru's post, it wasn't enough of a question to be worth a detractor.

Darkness

Even with his eyesight augmented Marick was struggling to see past a five meter radius. Being surrounded on all sides by krykna forced him to look around as fast as he could, reducing significantly the time he had to assess each possible threat.

Behind!

Without turning, Marick commanded his lightsaber to circle around him and slice through an attacking creature. It screeched in pain and fell to the ground.

Then two came from the side, forcing the Half-Hapan to step back. He pierced one between the eyes with his pike and let his other lightsaber finish the second one.

Jump

He did, and avoided the sharp mandibules of three charging krykna. Mid-air, the Elder grabbed one of his lightsabers and dove down. A slash and a jab, two kryknas were now dead. Half a heartbeat later, he turned around and got on one knee, finishing the third.

Many more screeching noises were closing in. He couldn’t see them, but he could feel them. Dozens. No, hundreds.

Aru Law, as well as the crowd, could only hear the loud noises produced by the infestation of kryknas. The occasional buzzing slash could be heard, but it was quickly muffled by even more arachnids swarming in on their prey.

Besides him, Tinker and Biddy chirped back and forth in a quick manner. And then, Aru’s droid extended its small arm and pointed towards the stands. There, the grinning scientist worked fast to send some hover droids down towards Marick’s pit, to record the data that was so valuable to him.

The Aedile did not hesitate. He rushed to its direction.

“Sir! I order you to stop what you’re doing and put that platform back up!” he yelled.

First, the man feigned ignorance. But he soon noticed the Mystic when he shot a very scary bolt in his direction, only stopped by the barrier between them.

“I am your superior. You have to obey my orders!” The Magistrate imposed his rank.

“You are a contender!” the scientist smirked, “inside that arena, your rank counts for nothing!” Then he laughed and resumed his work.

“Hmm, I see.” Law took his personal datapad from his coat.

With a few swipes and some fast tapping, he was ready to show his true abilities. With a booming click noise, the Colosseum’s protective barrier was turned off. Everyone inside fell silent. The scientist looked in shock at the Gray Jedi. Then, he just vanished.

Looking in all directions, sensing that he was in danger, the scientist looked back, and there he was. Law was right behind him with lips curled into a smile and a wicked look.

He quickly placed his hands over his face and whispered “Boo!” which caused the uncoordinated man to trip backwards and fall inside the arena.

The man hit the ground hard, and was hurt. Before he could even sit, Aru approached him, now visible again. He had Alana pointed towards the scared scientist’s eyes.

“H-How?” He mumbled.

“That doesn’t matter.” Law said. “Put the platform up, or you’ll be joining my friend down there.”

“Bu-But, if I do that, then they’ll come for me!”

Irritated, Law shot the scientist’s foot. “Now!”

A scream of pain, then crying. The scientist wiped his tears and pressed the corresponding buttons required to lift the platform back up.

Twenty seconds later they emerged. Marick stood in the middle of the platform, with an enormous pile of dead kryknas surrounding him. The ones that remained alive, scattered throughout the arena to gain some space.

Everyone in the crowds could be heard cheering for the Half-Hapan. Seeing him come back alive was impressive, on all levels.

Marick was exhausted. His energy was almost depleted, and tapping into the Force for more was getting harder. But he never showed signs of weakness. He kept calm as in the beginning of the match.

The Elder took some very much needed deep breaths, while the arachnids tried to re-organize.

Aru grabbed his shoto lightsaber and prepared to face the incoming swarm. He was surprised, however, to see that the kryknas were not going for him. Instead, the arachnids were attempting to scale the high walls of the Colosseum to reach the crowd in the stands.

The Aedile’s face went pale. He quickly re-activated the protective barrier again, but to no avail. His signal was being jammed.

“Kark!” he cursed loudly. “Kark, kark, kark! Tinker, amplify my signal. And jam the Headmistress’s communication channel!”

The Human knew that only someone with security credentials several levels above his own would be able to bypass his slicing measures. He hoped that his theory was correct.

Tinker chirped a few times and did as ordered. Thankfully, the barriers came back online and quickly encased the Colosseum again. But not before allowing a few krykna through. The people panicked at the sight of such horror. And the arena guards struggled to kill the enraged creatures. People were injured.

“This is on you!” The scientist provoked the Aedile, then laughed at his misery, knowing he would certainly be held accountable for any injury or death that might have occured.

“You’re right.” said Law. His anger was palpable.

He had put the life of thousands at risk, to save one. And he knew others would tell him his decision was wrong. But Marick had saved him, then his droid, and the Mystic never even got to thank him. Plus, he’s from Qel-Droma. What kind of Aedile would I be if I just discarded my family.

“Man Atty would kill me!” The Human laughed nervously, imagining what kind of wrath he would create if he had not tried to save Marick.

Slash

A buzzing noise whooshed by, and then a head rolled on the floor, followed by blood and the smell of burning flesh. The scientist fell on the ground, severed from his stupid face. And Law smiled arrogantly the whole time.

“Luckily, you’re not Qel-Droma.” he said.

Alarms were raised. A high-pitched siren rang and echoed throughout the Colosseum. An inaudible screech was also played. One that had been chosen to incite fear on the kryknas, causing them to back away, into their lairs. After the arachnids had retreated, several armed guards stepped inside the arena.

One of them, clearly their commander, gestured commands towards Aru.

“You are under arrest, Master Law!” he ordered.

“I know. Take me with you.”

The Aedile offered no resistance and was disarmed and cuffed. He did, however, request that medical support be sent for Marick. The Elder would surely refuse it, but both knew he needed it.

Then he was taken away.

Master Ruka Tenbriss Ya-ir, 10 March, 2021 2:52 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Even with his eyesight augmented Marick was struggling to see past a five meter radius. Being surrounded on all sides by krykna forced him to look around as fast as he could, reducing significantly the time he had to assess each possible threat.

You did a really good job of not only your combat writing but of writing to Marick's Character Sheet in the first part of your post. I was especially impressed with HOW you wrote it, with those dramatic single lines to indicate what he's sensing and seeing interspersed with the spider-slaying action and with how you combined Marick's Powers and Feats (Hapan Nightblindness and Force Sight) realistically in those few extremely suspenseful, dramatic paragraphs. It really took the environment written for you in the third post and owned it.

I also found it very intriguing to see Aru's more ruthless streak combined with his Slicing skills, but also to see him take responsibility and rise to the occasion. It speaks well to his Aspects and background of criminal activities merging with his role as an Aedile and a Magistrate. There were real consequences to his actions in the moment, and after they played out, he owned up to them.


Can Be Improved

While this post was an interesting read, it stumbled in several areas in Story due to seeming very abrupt and glossing over at some points while others seemed contradictory or overly and incredibly convenient to the plot, to the point of dancing on the border of Deus Ex Machina. Additionally, about 3/4ths of this final post had no combat shown with the creatures themselves after Marick's section, but was more Aru 1v1 against the scientist and Tinker 1v1 against Shadow Academy jamming frequencies. We also have no indication as to how Aru knew what the siren was for that affected the spiders, as it wasn't mentioned previously that he had helped set all this up in his Magistrate duties.

The floor-to-ceiling transparisteel guard-walls were the most obvious addition. They stretched skyward until connecting at a concave juncture to form a bubble-like dome.

At the very least, it did a fair job of separating the spectators from the live, experimental wild creatures on display within.

The other aspect that brought your score down was the fact that the whole centerpiece of Aru taking down the barrier in order to get at the scientist and then having that be a mistake he takes responsibility for when people get hurt...is a little undone by the fact that in the opening post, quoted above, Marick establishes that the barrier is "transparisteel" and an actual physical dome, NOT an energy barrier that Aru could hack into the system of to activate/deactivate. Normally, Continuity errors are fairly small and don't impact much, but this one is major, as changing the material of the dome alters the narrative of the match per the rubric.