Seer Tali Sroka vs. General Stres'tron'garmis

Seer Tali Sroka

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Female Twi'lek, Force Disciple, Arcanist
vs.

General Stres'tron'garmis

Elder 1, Elder tier, Clan Arcona
Male Chiss, Loyalist, Weapons Specialist
Comment

Thank you both for participating in the ACC and the SARLACC competition. Also thank you for your patience during the judging process.

This match was highly engaging from start to finish. The action was tightly paced, the descriptions painted a vivid picture in my head as a reader and both of you gave enough small details to create an emotional investment in the reader without delving too much into an exposition on their past relationship. You showed instead of told. The conflict that played out across the match was simply epic. So pat yourselves on the back for a job well done across the board.

With matches like this, it's the little things that will separate the authors. Starting with Syntax the posts were mostly clean with a few noticeable errors but nothing that completely derailed my reading of the passages. Tali had less errors overall so takes the advantage here. Story was closer than the 5 to 4 score would indicate. I think Kord's ending caused enough of a "wait, what" reaction in me to what was going on to derail my overall enjoyment of the passage. But otherwise, that was about as strong of a 4 as I could give in story. That same passage was also a realism error. Tali picked up a continuity error with a saber color change, which feels really nit-picky to point out but in a close match like this the tiny details matter.

I wish I could declare you both winners but there must be one and the winner is Tali Sroka.

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Tali Sroka, General Stres'tron'garmis
Winner Seer Tali Sroka
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Tali Sroka's Character Snapshot Snapshot
General Stres'tron'garmis's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 26 February, 2021 11:26 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Syntax - 15%
General Stres'tron'garmis Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: You know what you did (this is one of the few times I get to say that) Rationale: A few errors and misspellings but nothing that detracted from the overall reading experience
Story - 40%
General Stres'tron'garmis Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 4 Score: 4 (Advantage)
Rationale: Your action, dialogue, descriptions and character interactions were all top notch. Rationale: Your posts were tightly paced, exceptionally detailed with vivid imagery and most importantly established an emotional investment from the reader. See my post comments for more details.
Realism - 25%
General Stres'tron'garmis Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: The shoving the arm down the creature’s throat bit in the final post. See my post comment. Rationale: No issues that I could see.
Continuity - 20%
General Stres'tron'garmis Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: Changing your saber color from yellow to blue in your second post.
General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.2 Aedile Tali Sroka's Score: 4.6
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

“Is this really necessary? This startedt to get oldt about fifteen minutes ago.”

“Only a little further, Miss Sroka,” Stres’tron’garmis rumbled reassuringly.

The blindfolded Twi’lek sighed, shrugged, and continued on as she let the towering Chiss lead her towards what he’d sold as a ‘wholesome pastime that invigorates both body and soul’. How anything approaching wholesome could take place on Arx was beyond her, the reverberations of the last War still lingering upon the Force like a discordant harmony.

”There! Please halt and I shall announce our presence to the observers.”

“Observers? Strong, I sincerely hope this isn’t some sort of public—” she undid the neatly tied piece of cloth around her amber eyes to gaze upon the imposing arena around her, “—event.”

A dozen conflicting emotions and thoughts clashed within her bewildered mind as she took in the grandiose surroundings stacked full with cheering crowds. Its high walls were carved with rows of packed seating and the barren field of sand she stood upon bore hints of past carnage. The poignant feeling of being entertainment for someone else’s pleasure reared its ugly head. With that smoldering resentment acting as a fulcrum, she managed to force calm upon herself. The squabble within ceasing as a singular memory resurfaced, its cryptic meaning suddenly clarified.

Dancers moving on a Galactic stage. A violent choreography amidst the cheering stars. Dark asteroids darting towards them. A swirling nebula of purple and blue amidst the celestial chaos.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” Tali muttered under her breath. She’d been catching glimpses of the future more often, but it seemed she only ever understood their importance when it was already too late. Then again, perhaps she could have expected something like this when Strong had insisted she wore protection.

“Apologies for the obfuscation, Miss Sroka, but I am confident this will prove a most invigorating experience and an opportunity to contribute to higher pursuits.”

“Higher pursuits?” Tali inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“Why, for science of course!” Strong declared boisterously, underscoring his statement with a rumbling chuckle.

“Since vhen has that been a priority for you? Aren’t you responsible for physical training?”

“A common misconception! The House of Garmis has always believed the strength of one’s arms be supported by an understanding of their honorable foes,” the Chiss replied with a confident smile, before turning towards a distant mirror-glass podium and waving his arm in approval.

A moment later, a synthesized voice bellowed from the loudspeakers around the arena, blaring over the cheers of the gathered bystanders.

“Commencing field experiment six—” there was a pause, “—nine. Injecting specimens into testing environment; now.”

Strong grinned from blue ear to blue ear as he slipped on a vibroknuckler and patted the matching vambraces to ensure they were firmly in place and ready for action. As the colosseum gates began ratcheting open at the far end of the field, he rolled his shoulders with anticipation for the fresh, honorable challenge he was to be presented.

“Show us our foe!” he declared as he pulled the Bilari off his belt and pointed at the gates. “And let it meet the combined might of Garmis and Sroka!”

Beside him, Tali rested her temples against index finger and thumb, sighing deeply. “You’re enjoying this vay too much, Strong,” she muttered, but unclasped the all-temperature cloak off her shoulders all the same and let it fall in a heap by her feet. The grey-blue of her armor gleamed under Arx Primus’ setting rays, reflecting off the polished plastoid as she grasped her Saber-Glaive with both hands and squared her stance for combat.

The gates stopped open with a clang, swaying momentarily as the metallic sound reverberated through the colosseum. The cheering of the crowds fell silent, anticipation swelling like a living thing. Strong’s burly frame tensed and flexed with the cadence of his breath, his senses alert and eager. Behind her, the Twi’lek scowled and reached out with the Force to measure their opposition.

Pain. Anger. Fear—and hunger.

A cluster of three eyes blinked open in the darkness beneath the gate, flanked by another triplet. The beasts seemed hesitant to move into the bright sunlight, though Tali could feel their excitement for a meal. They must have not fed for days, so strong was their urge to feed, but still something kept them at bay. At least until the flicker of shock probes herded them out and into the open. The spectators broke into a jubilant greeting.

Growling and gurgling, the lumbering amphibians emerged into the bare sunlight like a pair of serrated boulders, their green eyes blinking in discomfort. Heavy scarring atop their heads, pink and fresh, betrayed ocular surgeries that surely contributed to the creatures’ agony as they tried to gain a measure of their surroundings.

Massive jaws snapping, tasting the air for the scent of their prey, the hulking toadlike creatures seemed bewildered and disorientated, at least until they caught sight of the shimmering Biliari blade and the lavender scent of a purple Twi’lek.

“Oh great, there are two of them,” Tali said as she observed the dark hued creatures begin to laboriously trundle towards them.

“It would not be a challenge otherwise,” Strong replied. “I would not insult you with such pitiful opposition, my dear. A proud Lekwarrior as yourself would surely not even break a sweat against a singular foe!”

From anyone else’s mouth, that would have been an obviously backhanded or smarmy comment, but coming from the endearingly chivalrous Chiss, Tali couldn’t help but smile. Fine, he had obviously made an effort, and though this took her away from the business of running the House, at least it was a distraction she could get lost in without feeling too guilty.

Her finger slid over the Saber-Glaive’s activation stud, and a brilliant yellow blade of shimmering plasma emerged from the rugged spear’s tip, humming with the power of a caged sun. Cautious of any trickery the creatures might be imbued with after sensing their crude intellect, she kept her weapon squared at her foe as it closed the distance between them in a wide circle.

To her side, the Chiss observed the other with similar intent, measuring up the curmudgeonous polliwog that, impressively enough, reached as tall as him by its knobbly hump. It had closed the distance to within a few meters, but then halted to observe him, each eye blinking slowly in succession. The Chiss braced his footing for a counter charge, sand scraping under his feet. The cheers of the crowd around him filled his heart with memories of glorious duels as he hoped to add one more to their number.

“Stride forth, triclopean terror, and meet the son of Garmis!” he bellowed, splaying his arms wide in challenge.

The creature yawned, its massive gaping maw stretching wide in mockery—or so it seemed—before a globular tongue shot out and latched straight onto the Chiss’ barrel chest. Viscous slime coated his uniform as the meters-long tongue adhered to its prey like flypaper, catching the Arconan Rolemaster by surprise. Yet, the veteran warrior reacted like quicksilver, planting his stance ever further as the inevitable tug came.

Seeking to reel in its prey into the gaping maw lined with rows of serrated teeth, the dark-hued creature did not expect as much resistance as it faced when it tried to shift some hundred and fifty kilograms of prime Garmis meat. It let out a surprised gargle, having to jerk back its considerable frame to pull free its own tongue, until suddenly the weakest link gave way with a horrific tearing that filled the arena.

Rrrrrip!

Tatters of dress uniform and pressed collared shirt were all the oggdo tasted for its troubles as the Chiss now stood topless and defiant in face of its salamandrian subterfuge. Off to the side, Tali spared a glance at the source of the sound, though she instinctively knew what must have happened. The same thing as always.

“Oh for Bogan’s sake...” she muttered as she saw the Chiss breaking into a bare-chested charge. The instant her concentration had shifted, the other oggdo made its move. With speed out of all proportion to its trundling bulk, it charged headlong towards the Twi’lek-shaped morsel, mouth wide and eager.

The chorus of a million minute voices flared to a shriek in her mind, Tali throwing herself upon the currents of the Living Force like a leaf in a stream. With effortless ease, she danced aside the thundering charge, sand grinding under her toes as she pirouetted around to bring her shimmering weapon to bear. The lightsaber slashed with terrible grace across the bulbous beast’s flank, hissing and spitting as brilliant plasma lapped at the crusted shell of the reckless beast.

It gargled in anger and pain, the hissing of amphibian flesh unmistakable as a foul stench erupted from its charred flesh. Far from being a singular strike to end the combat with a flourish, it had been but an opening gambit. One which the beast seemed keen to avenge.

“Oh kark,” Tali whimpered as the enraged creature, now far too close for comfort, swerved around for a second go.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 26 March, 2021 3:18 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Overall this post was well-paced and had some powerful descriptive imagery.

From anyone else’s mouth, that would have been an obviously backhanded or smarmy comment, but coming from the endearingly chivalrous Chiss, Tali couldn’t help but smile.

You also did a great job establishing the dynamics of these two characters for your audience without needlessly long exposition.


Can Be Improved

Viscous slime coated his uniform as the meters-long tongue adhered to its prey like flypaper, catching the Arconan Rolemaster by surprise.

If Rolemaster was intended as a joke for Rollmaster then I didn’t catch it.

The oggdo reeled around to pursue the armored Twi’lek, its side leaking dark-hued blood. Tali felt a flash through the Force, a warning calling for her to jump to the side. Her athletic form followed the flow, cartwheeling to the side, lekku arcing through the air as she did. The amphibious monster’s craggy backside missed her by inches as it pivoted harshly, trying to swing its bulk into her.

’Didt it just try to buttcheck me!?

She spared a glance over the beast, noticing that either by coincidence, instinct, or sinister training the pair of creatures were driving the Arconans apart. Supporting one another could prove difficult if things went poorly. Tali shifted her focus back on her oggdo, smoothly sidestepping the sticky tongue that shot out at her, raising her glaive in preparation to sever the prehensile limb. In the back of her mind the word prehensile flared up. Her lekku could be considered much the same, though thankfully not sicky, but controllable....

All of this passed through her mind in a flash, eyes widening in alarm as she lost her footing, the oggdo’s bulb-tipped tongue swinging left and knocking her aside. She grunted, falling back and rolling across the sandy arena surface.

Disgusting...hmm, the length is distasteful but didn’t stick to me like it didt Strong’s shirt. Just the tip, then?

Across the sun-baked sands, Strong drove his knuckler-clad fist into the beast’s side, again and again, treating the oggdo like a punching bag. Sweat ran down the Chiss’s chiseled chest as he continued his assault, the small blades on his knucklers causing a multitude of small, bleeding gashes on his target’s flank.

”You are a sturdy one at the very least, hah hah!” bellowed the General, breathing heavily with a massive smile on his face. He had been side-stepping to stay alongside the bulky creature, cocking his right fist back in preparation to rock the oggdo’s elongated skull. He barely saw the kick coming, the three-eyed beast leaning away before lashing out with a heavy foot, sending the Rollmaster sprawling onto his back.

The crowd cheered, anticipating blood as the oggdo trundled around, letting out a snorting sound and narrowing all three eyes at the fallen Chiss.

Tali grunted as she hopped back from the flailing oggdo tongue, glaring at the beast. It was doing an annoyingly adept job at keeping her from glaive-striking distance. Also of concern, she noted, was the fresh scar along its side where she’d struck at the start of their fight, the wound already closed up. Her eyes traveled over the beast’s hide, noting more and more gnarled, puckered lines, ugly scars from testing or previous fights. This creature had either been tortured extensively in testing or was a veteran of many battles.

“Kark,” she muttered, dancing out of the way of another tongue strike with preternatural grace. The crowd growing louder prompted her to check on her ally; perhaps Strong had dispatched his oggdo already, surely that was why they were growing lo— she sighed as she saw her Chiss friend on the ground, the oggdo charging at him.

Drawing on the Force, Tali lashed out with one hand, her glaive held just behind her back as she did so. A striking motion, she channeled energy through the motion, bopping the oggdo trying to lash her firmly on the snout, stunning the beast and causing it to stagger sideways in confusion. She turned and sprinted towards Strong, who was getting to his feet slowly, acting as if the wind had been knocked out of him.

Not going to make it, that thing vill be atop him shortly, she grit her teeth and made a yanking gesture with her free hand.

Strong grunted as he tried to stand, surprised that the oggdo had managed to kick him almost squarely in the stomach.

He coughed, wheezing as he rolled to his front, raising to hands and knees and fighting for air, “Such an...ignoble...end? No...not today,” he grunted as he saw the beast charging, toothed maw salivating in anticipation of the hardy meal the Chiss would provide. He lifted his arms up to guard himself, his mind whirring with options, before feeling something grasp him around his substantial chest and jerk him back, seconds before the beast could overrun him. He blinked as he was pulled out of the line of the oggdo’s charge, finding himself on his back again, the high Arx sun providing a backlight to the armored Twi’lek standing over him.

“Your skill is matched only by your beauty, Miss Sroka,” he inclined his head best he could while in his current position, “thank you.”

She rolled her eyes, thankful that the sun was at her back; he likely couldn’t see her blush.

“Get up! Ve seem to be dealing vith creatures that heal quickly.”

Strong regained his feet, stretching his neck and rolling his shoulders, lifting his fists into a boxer’s guard once more.

”That explains why they have not yet capitulated to her formidable might yet! Hah! Truly, the Academy found us worthy foes, my dear Tali. And,” he leaned down slightly, eyes fixed on the oggdo wheeling about to charge but speaking quietly to his companion, “the crowd seems enamored with you. I cannot say that their attention is misplaced.”

“Not the time, Strong!” she snapped, watching the beast she had been fighting come charging in as well.

“A talk for later then,” he chuckled. The big man seemed to be enjoying himself, despite nearly getting trampled by an oggdo just moments before.

Tali sighed, shaking her head.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 26 March, 2021 3:19 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

Overall this post was entertaining, action-packed and filled to the brim with character. Good work!

“Get up! Ve seem to be dealing vith creatures that heal quickly.” I really like how you raised the narrative stakes here. This is precisely what a follow up post should do.


Can Be Improved

Disgusting...hmm, the length is distasteful but didn’t stick to me like it didt Strong’s shirt. Just the tip, then?

I love comedy in the ACC but it can be a bit of a risk to take as an author. In this particular instance, I don’t think the joke landed as intended. The setup for it was a bit too much for the low payoff.

Her lekku could be considered much the same, though thankfully not sicky, but controllable....

I think you meant sticky instead of sicky.

The ground shook under the thunderous charge of the enraged oggdos, pebbles skipping across the sand as their truncated legs pounded the earth. Back to back, the two Arconans squared up to face the beasts, the purple one bracing her glowing weapon like a spear against a galloping rider while the blue warrior wound up a devastating haymaker. The sapphire blue of the Twi’lek’s saber blade shimmered off her green eyes as she stared down her doom, the oggdo widening its maw for a crushing chomp—before suddenly hesitating.

Its opposite number had no such reservations as it recklessly plowed into the Chiss, jaws closing around nothing. The beast let out a startled grunt as its teeth bit thin air, momentum carrying it through both prey and into its opposite number that had realized the clever ruse. The arena reverberated with the meaty thudd of their impact, both beasts screaming and thrashing as they sought to disentangle themselves from one another.

“A cunning strategy,” Strong mused as they continued to put some distance between themselves and the tangled beasts. “Not one I would have chosen myself, but understandable for a member of the Shadow Clan.” His voice betrayed the faintest hints of disapproval, though he tried his best to hide it with an amicable slap on Tali’s shoulder.

The Twi’lek lurched forward from the impact, breathing heavy. “Serving under the Shadow Lady, you pick up a few things,” she panted.

Strong gave an uncomfortable grunt as he recalled what that selfsame lady had divulged about her personal past with the Twi’lek, the bickering oggdos offering a convenient distraction to his purpled cheeks. “Ahem. Yes. I am sure she can be most educational,” he muttered in a muted tone.

Tali raised an eyebrow at the odd reaction, but thought nothing further of it. At any rate, she had more pressing things to worry about as the monsters finished their screeching squabble and turned towards them once more. With the imminent prospect of more violence, she felt her hands shaking minutely, fatigue starting to set in.

“Are you alright, miss Sroka?”

“I’m fine, Strong. I just needt a minute,” she gasped, feeling the choir in her mind screaming a warning. “Move!”

Tossing herself upon the Chiss, she tried to push them clear of danger, but the General was as immovable as a mountain. Slender probes shot up from the sands, rising to around knee height before unleashing rotating gouts of flame in a visually impressive, if rather wasteful, manner. Clearly, their disengagement hadn’t been approved by the overseers. The voices in her mind growing ever louder, Tali threw out her hand towards the oncoming fire, the gout of bright flame suddenly splashing against an invisible umbrella like inverted rain.

Strong caught on to the situation a moment later, wrapping his hands around the Lekwarrior and dragging her clear of the danger, even as she struggled to maintain the defensive barrier. Tongues of fire licked at her armor as the last of her strength was depleted and the protective bubble popped, but the physical damage was mostly superficial.

“Underhanded parlor tricks!” Strong rumbled at the mirrored podium, cradling the Twi’lek in his arms. ”You are not observing the scientific method!”

“You really didt your backgroundt vork for that silly costume party, didn’t you?” Tali muttered, shakily trying to regain her footing.

“Please, lady Sroka, stay a while and rest,” Strong urged her. “I shall occupy those two while you have a breather. It is the least I can do!”

“That’s really not neces—oh kark,” Tali gulped as the ground seemed lurche underneath her when she tried to stand. “Alright, on secondt thought, maybe I’ll just stay here for a moment.”

Strong gave her a worried look, but the pressing snarls of the oncoming oggdos demanded his attention. Steeling himself for what was sure to be a harrowing duel against both monsters at once, he sat off in a sprint while making as much noise as possible to draw their attention away from the recovering Twi’lek.

The pair thundered after him with fresh injuries from their squabble, one bearing flaps of skin torn off its jaw, the other with deep teeth marks in its right flank. For a moment, the bitten one looked to veer away towards the immobile Twi’lek, but a staccato of blaster bolts from Strong’s vambrace regained its attention.

Fleeting towards the center of the arena, instinctively drawn to make a show of it, Strong could hear the slashed oggdo breathing down his neck. Twisting around in the nick of time, he managed to dodge the adhesive blob of a tongue as it careened past him and dug into the sand. Unrelenting, he brought his fist around to slam into the beast’s forehead with a thunderous crack, feeling something give under the impact but seemingly to little more effect than to stagger his amphibian foe.

A second tongue was launched towards him as the bitten oggdo joined the fray, but it bounced off his vambrace shield and failed to adhere. Uncoiling his Bilari to a more serpentine form, he lashed out at the still vulnerable appendage, barely missing as the beast reacted swiftly to protect its exposed organ. The dazed oggdo at his side rose to its feet once more, groggy but all the more ill-tempered for it, and two against one they sought to make a meal of the meaty Chiss.

A snapping jaw lunged towards him, but he managed to twist aside, if only with the energy shield of his vambrace skidding across the oggdo’s cheek with a thrum of overloading capacitors. He lashed the Bilari across the beast’s flank in riposte, the electro-plasma filament scorching deep wounds in its hide but little else. When he raised his weapon up for a second slash, he felt a sudden wetness envelop his hand as a globular tongue tip latched onto it. This time, he had no chance to brace and was yanked off his feet by the pull, stumbling towards the waiting maw.

With a roar of defiance, the Chiss tapped a rune upon his vambrace and a gout of flame shot out, filling the greedy beast’s waiting mouth. It screamed and bucked, whipping around the blue morsel it had trapped until the adhesive slime tore loose, sending Strong tumbling end over end across the sand. Chomping down with enraged fervor, sparks bled past burned gums as it turned the General’s Biliari into expensive toothpicks and spat out the rest.

Groggily, Strong regained his footing while observing the damage to his vambrace with some concern. He was starting to regret not bringing a hammer. ”Would have been perfect for cracking their tough hides,” he brooded, spitting a glob of bloodied sand from his mouth. The next moment, the pair were upon him again, and for the first time in a long while, the Chiss was truly fighting for his life.

The swirling nebula of purple and blue returned in a flash, fleeting past her mind’s eye. The Galaxy was a cacophony of noise, the stars yearning for blood. Dark asteroids darted past, threatening to rend the dancing gas clouds apart, a pair of larger boulders careening towards them with murderous intent, bound by silver thread. The cosmic joust repeated, the asteroids swerving around unseen gravity wells to strike again, the silver strand glinting in the darkness.

Tali furrowed her brow, feeling something tug at her mind like a whisper. And so replied in kind, reaching out to tug at that silver string.

The hurtling rocks could not be denied. The nebulae were trapped and outmaneuvered, moments from cataclysm. The line of silver snagged on an unseen obstacle, pulling taut the unyielding filament that bound the two together, and snared them into violent contact.

Tali opened her eyes with a gasp, feeling her strength at least somewhat returned. But she could not dally any further, Strong had bought her precious moments of recovery and paid for it in blood. The brawl she witnessed had lost all finesse and turned into little more than a violent struggle for survival.

“Strong!” she cried, seeing her friend and ally sink to a knee after a dazing claw raked his almost-hairless brow. The pressing need to save her heroic friend swelled in her chest, shaped by a forceful gesture into an unseen vector of motion that snatched the Chiss away from the oggdo about to pummel him into the ground.

She rushed over to him, a pang of guilt in her heart upon seeing the extent of his injuries. He rose slowly to his feet, barrel chest rising and falling with ragged breaths, and yet he still somehow managed a smile.

But it did not last. Even past swollen eyelids, bruised by blunt impact, the Chiss could see the wounds he’d inflicted upon the beasts begin to heal once more. It was no use, he couldn’t deal enough damage to bring them down.

“Confounded creatures!” he bellowed. “No matter how much I try, they recover too swiftly! It is like Chissypus’ curse made manifest!”

Tali turned her attention away from her bruised companion and towards the oggdos as well. Their injuries were indeed healing, but not all of them. Bitemarks still adorned one’s flank, while the other dragged flaps of skin from its jaw; injuries they’d inflicted upon each other. Reaching out with her senses, she forced calm upon herself even in face of impending doom and, there, almost lost between the swirling empyrean of their hunger—a silver thread.

“Strong,” Tali pressed, her amber eyes sharp with urgency. “I know how to beat them.”

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 26 March, 2021 3:19 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The pressing need to save her heroic friend swelled in her chest,

You did an excellent job in this post creating an emotional investment in the reader. This made for a compelling and engaging read. As a reader I could almost feel the exhaustion of the characters and they’re determined resolve to face down this threat.


Can Be Improved

The sapphire blue of the Twi’lek’s saber blade shimmered off her green eyes as she stared down her doom,

You established Tali’s saber spear as having a yellow blade in the opening post. Even if you read this passage as her using the Knight’s saber the item aspect on that mentions a yellow kyber crystal. It is either a continuity error or a realism error for not following the item aspect. I’m calling this a continuity error.

The Chiss grunted as he forced himself to stay upright, feeling a patch of his back warming as the implant within kicked into life. It did little for the overall aches of being beaten and battered by a pair of amphibious beasts, but those bloody gashes inflicted slowed their leaking, and his eyes seemed to grow just a little clearer.

”I am open to ideas,” he admitted, glancing over at his companion with a tired look.

“They are linkedt! Their similarities are their weakness; the voundts sufferedt from them running into one another have not healedt. I do not know how it vorks, but…”

”Ah, so we must simply force one to devour the other!” exclaimed the soldier, stretching his arms loosening his shoulders, giving his entire body a shake and exhaling. ”VERY WELL!”

“Vait! Strong!” she shouted as the big man let out a bellow and charged the nearest oggdo. “Vhat am I going to do vith you, Mister Garmis,” she sighed, looking at the creature’s partner.

A plan vould have been nice, Strong, she thought as the oggdo not being born down upon watched the blue man run. From its injuries, she thought it was the one that had saw past her earlier illusion, the one that was likely smarter. Its trio of eyes moved from Strong to the Twi’lek, who grit her teeth and raised her saber in anticipation of removing the creature’s tongue should it strike at her. The gaze shifted back to Strong, the wheels in the oggdo’s mind visibly turning as it plotted.

Tali almost thought she saw the beast smile, such as it were and wondered if she was more tired than she’d thought. A loud crashing of flesh on flesh caused her vision to flicker towards her blue friend and his target, the Chiss driving a fist into the extended chin of the creature, shutting its jaw with a resounding clack. Movement from her left caused the Lekwarrior to throw out a hand, practically without thought, as the other oggdo shot its tongue out. Golden eyes narrowed to slits, her face set in concentration as she channeled the Force towards her target.

The oggdo made a sound that could only be described as a screech of indignation as its tongue stopped short of the giant blue morsel it had hoped to devour, the appendage quivering in the air as it was held in place.

“Strong!” she shouted, her arm shaking as she tried to maintain her hold. Her vision was narrowing to the point of focus, her teeth clenching as she fought against the oggdo’s natural inclination to withdraw its tongue. What came next was a welcome relief when it did.

The Chiss heard his name cried, and for a terrifying moment feared the worst. The beast he’d been fighting was trying to buck him off, his arms looped around its neck, with one wrist grasped with his other hand to lock himself in place. Choking the creature out was proving difficult, and hearing Tali shout sent a chill through him as he looked up, sighing in relief when he saw her upright and away from the other beast. He looked over at the quivering, telekinetically imprisoned tongue, and chuckled.

”I SEE!” he shouted, planting his feet and twisting his waist, yelling as he dragged the grappled oggdo along with him. With a final grunt, he heaved the creature off its feet as he turned, momentum carrying them both as every muscle in his back and arms tensed. ”Hooooooo!” he bellowed, releasing his grip.

The oggdo let out a warbling shriek as it felt something adhere to its side, and Tali released her grip, slumping down to her knees in the sand with an exhalation of exhaustion. The one that had been trying to retract its tongue finally managed to, dragging its trapped brethren along to slam into his toothy maw. The force of the impact sent the two rolling, one trapped and thrashing as maddening hunger and injury caused its fellow to tear in with sharp tooth, not caring where the meal came from at this point.

The trapped beast shrill cries of pain sent a shudder through Tali as she caught her breath, looking up as a shadow fell over her, the Chiss kneeling beside her in a similar state of apparent exhaustion. His hand fell on her back, giving it a pat and a rub of camaraderie.

”A good plan, Miss Sroka! A most grisly end for our foe,” he sighed and watched nature take its course.

“There is still...the other one...Strong,” she sighed, dragging one foot to the front to start standing. She didn’t protest when she felt a touch on her arm, the Chiss steadying her as she rose. The cries of pain died down, as did the oggdo making them, its torn body tossed to the side by the now solitary beast. “I do not know if it being alone changes how it heals,” she sighed, shaking her lekku.

The Chiss lowered his head, and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze, “I have an idea now, dear Tali, just have your blade ready.”

“Vait, vhat now?” she asked as he stepped away, marching with purpose towards the oggdo that was hopping towards them, blood dripping from its teeth. She saw him drop one of his vambraces to the sand below, the one that was rent and broken, before squaring his shoulders and lowering himself into a boxing stance once more. The beast began to close the distance, hop...hop...and on the third landing shot its tongue out again.

Strong sidestepped, the arm without a vambrace snaking out to wrap around the fleshy length, pushed his legs out in front of himself and dug his heels in, stayed leaned back as best he could as the oggdo reeled him back in. The rollmaster took a deep breath as he neared the bloody maw.

“No, no, no,” muttered Tali, realizing what her companion was about to do, charging forward with saber in hand. The sapphire blade hummed angrily as she put one foot in front of the other, feeling the day’s exhaustion wearing on her, eyes on the scarred flank of the beast. From the corner of her golden gaze she saw her Chiss friend rear back with his one good vambrace...and shove his arm into the oggdo’s mouth, up to the shoulder.

It hurt. The teeth tongue into his muscled arm, tearing at the flesh. Strong grit his teeth, finally releasing the monster’s tongue and riving his still free hand into the side of the oggdo’s head, the vibroknuckler’s small blades digging into the flesh and helping him maintain his grip. Inside of the oggdo’s gullet, Strong activated his vambrace, the weapon’s flamethrower filling the beast with intense heat and fire. Steam poured from its mouth, through teeth clenched in the Chiss’s arm, burning Strong’s chest and the side of his face.

Tali’s saber pierced its side, resistant as it was, even it could do little to stop a direct stab. She pushed until the hilt met flesh, and dragged it upwards, arms tense with the effort, until she managed to cut through its spine. It convulsed, releasing Strong’s arm in its throes of pain, shaking off the Chiss’s knuckler as well.

He fell back into the warm sands, groaning as his charred and burnt arm was exposed, gritting his teeth and fighting to remain conscious. The oggdo’s hind legs kicked as it fell on its side, smoke rising from its wounds and open mouth, before going still with a wheeze.

Tali’s saber landed on the ground, the blade sputtering out as she rushed to her fallen companion’s side.

“That was very foolish, Strong,” she said, emotions warring across her face. She reached out a hand, lightly touching one reddening, burnt cheek, and did what she could for the pain. “I’m...so tiredt, I’m sorry, you needt a bacta tank,” she shook her head, looking around for whoever was organizing this bloodsport. “Help!?”

She looked down, feeling a hand closing over her own, “I shall survive,” groaned Strong, “I am sorry, I thought this would be more fun. I hope it was more fulfilling than your usual day of paperwork,” he gave her a weak smile before passing out.

“Idiot,” she sighed, leaning down to touch her forehead to his, and waited for the medics.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 26 March, 2021 3:19 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways

She looked down, feeling a hand closing over her own., “I shall survive,” groaned Strong.

You provided an emotionally satisfying ending to what can easily be described as an epic struggle throughout this entire match.


Can Be Improved

From the corner of her golden gaze she saw her Chiss friend rear back with his one good vambrace...and shove his arm into the oggdo’s mouth, up to the shoulder.

While you described what was going on in this passage masterfully the whole thing just simply broke my suspension of disbelief. Without going through all the questions raised by this passage I will simply say that Strong should have at a minimum sustained more grievous injuries attempting this than he did. So this passage is a minor realism error.