Warlord Lucine Vasano vs. Battlelord Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae

Warlord Lucine Vasano

Equite, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Sith, Seeker
vs.

Battlelord Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae

Equite, Clan Plagueis
Female Togruta, Sith, Shadow
Comment

My favorite illusionist inspiration and my favorite Togruta in the same match!

This was a fun match to read with a lot of clever use of illusion from Lucine and dramatic action from Tahiri. Both characters were written well, with Lucine being particularly skilled at capturing their personalities. Tahiri writes great combat scenes that keep the match engaging and fast-paced.

Ultimately, this match came down to what I felt may have been a rushed final post that resulted in a story that faltered a bit in its continuity and a few other areas. I know we can all come down to the wire, but just try to take your time.

You’re both great writers, and I appreciate your participation in (and patience with) SARLACC!

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Warlord Lucine Vasano, Battlelord Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae
Winner Warlord Lucine Vasano
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Warlord Lucine Vasano's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlelord Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 3 March, 2021 2:16 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Ciara Tearnan Rothwell Tarentae
Syntax - 15%
Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae Lucine Vasano
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: A number of errors, including grammar and spelling, particularly in the final post. Rationale: Almost perfect!
Story - 40%
Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae Lucine Vasano
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: A solid, action-packed story that became a little rushed toward the end. Rationale: A solid story with strong characterisation.
Realism - 25%
Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No real issues found, but one comment! Rationale: No issues found. Good job!
Continuity - 20%
Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: One minor continuity glitch in your last post. Rationale: No issues found. Good job!
Adept Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae's Score: 3.7 Lucine Vasano's Score: 4.25
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

Lucine sighed as she leaned closer to a bank of deactivated monitors and gave her reflection a dubious look. “Ugh, I look like I have been fighting in a sarlacc pit all day,” she grumbled. “Tabriss, be a dear and give me my compact.”

“I do believe that it is because you have been fighting all day, my lady,” Tabriss replied as he handed her the requested item. As Lucine opened it and began to apply the powder, Tabriss continued. “I confess I am confused as to why you are doing this yourself, my lady. Last I checked, you commanded a sizable group of space wizards who could easily bludgeon a bunch of animals into submission.”

“Indeed I do, darling,” the redhead said. “And a good many of them are here. But some things are better done personally. The best way to gain a person’s trust is to go into combat with them, and I am quite eager to establish positive diplomatic relations with several people here. Therefore, I must fight.”

But that did not mean she had to look wretched while doing so. Her hair was perfectly styled and her makeup was as good as it was going to get. For this particular match, she had eschewed the illusion of the fashionable dress that she usually wore, in favor of the armor that the illusion usually concealed.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a crimson Togruta accompanied by a dark-colored vornskr. “Well, I suppose this is as good as it is going to get,” she said with a sigh as she closed the compact and handed it back to her butler. “Here comes my next appointment.”

“I have no idea what you could possibly want from her,” Tabriss said in a sotto voce as the Togruta’s eyes fell upon them and she began to draw near.

Lucine gave him a small smile before turning her attention to the approaching pair. Tahiri Thorn Morte Tarentae was a reasonably well-known Plagueian with ties to the Dark Council. Her relationship with Ciara Tearnan Rothwell Tarentae was good enough that it made it worth Lucine’s while to get to know her. By participating in the Shadow Academy experiments and possibly establishing a positive relationship with Tahiri, Lucine hoped to gain a much more favorable relationship with the Headmistress.

But none of these thoughts showed on her face as Tahiri got within speaking range. “Greetings, Tahiri! It is so lovely to finally meet you in person!” Lucine said as she extended her hand toward the Togruta in greeting.

“Nice to meet you too,” Tahiri replied. “And this is Hadzuska. Zuska for short,” she added as she gave the vornskr a warm smile and a friendly pat on the head.

“How very charming!” Lucine said with a wary glance toward the animal. The upper levels of Coruscant had very few wild animals, and so she was not thrilled with the idea of being in close proximity to one. Especially not after having spent the day in the arena with them. “Will Zuska be joining us?”

“Oh yes, he goes everywhere with me,” Tahiri said brightly.

“Oh good! Well, I am sure he will be very helpful in the fight against a gundark,” Lucine said.

As the seconds ticked by before the official start time of their match, the Togruta and the Human discussed potential tactics. Neither had actually fought against a gundark before, which promised an interesting battle. Apparently, the Shadow Academy scientists had given the gundark increased strength and had rendered their flesh immune to lightsaber attacks. They took this knowledge into account as they made their plans.

Finally, a light came on next to the arena entrance, moments before the heavy double doors swung open. Tahiri, Zuska and Lucine stepped into the colosseum as the cheers of the eager crowd washed over them.

The fact that theirs was one of the last few matches of the day had done little to sate the bloodlust of the crowd. The sun was starting to slide behind the walls of the arena, but its light was replaced by blinding spotlights that glared down at them from overhead. The white sands of the killing floor still maintained much of the day’s heat. Ominous patches of crimson, larger in areas where the sensors and hidden traps were located, made it clear just how bloody the business of the day had been.

The trio spread out once they drew near to the sensors, being careful to avoid the trapped areas. The idea was simple: the gundark would target one of them, allowing the others to get into a flanking position. It was a simple strategy, and one that would allow them to finish the battle quickly.

But it soon became apparent that their strategy was insufficient when the arena doors opposite of them opened and three gundarks stalked onto the arena.

“Oh, now that is just not fair,” Tahiri grumbled as the creatures began to lope toward them, drool dripping from their jaws and a ravenous look in their yellow eyes.

“Well, they say no plan survives first contact with the enemy,” Lucine replied. She extended her hand and closed her eyes as she drew upon the Force. The gundark that had been in the lead gave a shriek of confusion as it found itself lifted into the air. It hung there for a second, before being hurled against the wall with bone-breaking force.

Or at least, Lucine hoped that it had been bone-breaking. But she was destined for disappointment, as the gundark got slowly to its feet, shaking its head and looking annoyed. “Oh, lovely. They seem to be more durable as well.”

Tahiri, meanwhile, narrowed her eyes as she drew her lightsaber and dropped into a crouch. If she was in any way intimidated by the massive, red-skinned creatures, she did not show it. Next to her, Zuska bared his fangs, his tail lashing back and forth as he prepared to pounce. “It doesn’t matter,” Tahiri said, her voice full of grim determination. “We’re still going to win.”

Ciara Tearnan Rothwell Tarentae, 26 March, 2021 4:25 AM UTC

What Went Well

This was a good introduction as far as introducing Lucine and Tahiri and giving the reader some insight into Lucine’s motivations for personally taking on a task like this. Both Lucine’s and Tahiri’s characterisation made me smile. Though she be but little, she is fierce!

“Ugh, I look like I have been fighting in a sarlacc pit all day,” she grumbled. “Tabriss, be a dear and give me my compact.”

Ba-dum-tss!

Room for Growth

“I have no idea what you could possibly want from her,” Tabriss said in a sotto voce as the Togruta’s eyes fell upon them and she began to draw near.

I’ll admit sotto voce was a new word for me, but I don’t think you’ve used it correctly. Though it can have the meaning of “in a soft voice,” it’s only used as an adverb or an adjective, so it should always be modifying a verb or a noun. So you could have written something like, “Tabriss said sotto voce as the Togruta’s eyes…” (adverb modifying said) or, “Tabriss said in a sotto voce manner/voice/tone…” (adjective modifying whatever word you want to use there).

The other two gundarks roared in unison as they continued their advance towards the trio. Lucine began to run towards a rather large, bloodstained area of the arena to the left, hoping to split the gundarks up and give them all a better chance of getting out alive. While the petite Togruta waited as the rightmost gundark closed in on her position, she unsheathed her blacked-out vibrosword in a reverse grip. Zuska hissed and began to slowly edge himself further away from Tahiri’s right.

“Darling, I would advise you to move!” shouted the red-headed Human, as she pulled out her WESTAR-34 blaster pistol. The left gundark growled and hissed as she opened fire on the beast, moving further to the left, hoping to possibly lure the creature in so it would trigger a trap.

Tahiri only half heard the woman, as she concentrated on immersing herself within the Force. Letting it seep into her tensed leg and back muscles, adding to the energy already built up. She could feel the gundark’s pounding steps as it loped towards her. Glancing at Zuska for a split second, she saw that he was ready to spring as well. With every fiber of her being vibrating with adrenaline, she sprang forward from her crouched position, taking the creature head on.

Knowing her saber wouldn’t do much against the creature’s flesh, it would at the very least create a distraction. As the Togruta and gundark closed in on each other—at a mere few meters away from meeting the creature’s wicked claws—Tahiri planted her leading foot in the sandy soil, ignited her saber and sprang up, flipping gracefully over the gundark. At the highest point in the arc over the creature, Tahiri pivoted her frame, using the momentum to hit the gundark with her blades. Her runic lightsaber was the first to hit her target, glancing off as its crimson blade trailed across its shoulder. Tahiri quickly followed through the twisting motion of her body with the reverse-gripped blacked-out Vibrosword. The blade’s heavier leading edge catching the gundark’s cranium, shaving off a bit of fur as it hit the base of its ear, before gliding off.

The gundark yelped, shaking its head slightly and stopping to place a paw over its singed fur. As Tahiri landed roughly a meter behind it, a soft patch of sand made her footing slip slightly. She recovered quickly as she rolled through it, getting back onto her feet. Glancing over her shoulder, the Battlelord saw Zuska lunge for one of the creature's smaller vestigial arms. The vornskr’s teeth sank into the arm for a moment, before he let go and jumped back out of range of the bigger dominant arm as it swung to smack Zuska away, missing him by a mere hand’s breadth.

Meanwhile, Lucine had a surprised look on her face as she briefly glanced back over her shoulder to Tahiri. The Warlord watched as she seemingly raced by at an impossible speed, taking the gundark head on. What the heck is she doing? but she couldn’t focus on what the Togruta was doing, no matter how suicidal it was. The red-head had her own problems. Her blaster bolts did very little damage, they weren't even slowing the hulking two-meter gundark down as it barreled towards her. Dashing towards a bloodstained patch of sand, watching for triggers as she ran, Lucine kept the gundark to her right. The creature roared as it followed its target towards the other side of the arena.

Firing another bolt—which simply dissipated from the gundark’s chest—Lucine made her way around the edge of the dark-stained soil. Turning, she realized that the gundark was only thirty meters away—a little too close for comfort. However, the creature was approaching her from the other side of the almost fifteen meter wide, dark soil patch. Which had been her plan all along. This has to be one of the arena’s many traps. I just have to wait for it to trigger.

The gundark advanced as Lucine anxiously waited for whatever trap to spring. The creature approached. Twenty meters. Fifteen meters. She then glanced around for sensors. Not seeing any she began to suspect it had been a bad idea to stop where she had. Maybe this is not. Her thoughts were interrupted by a tingling feeling throughout her whole body, as a sudden hum erupted into an intense static buzz. The gundark stopped in its tracks, eyes rolling back into its head as it screamed with pain, the ground beneath it becoming electrified. The electricity only surged for a matter of seconds, but it was enough to stop the beast. Lucine watched as the beast swayed a bit, before its body hit the ground with a sounding thud, the ground shaking slightly upon impact.

“Well, that was easy,” Lucine shook herself slightly and then tucked a stray lock of red hair back into its proper place, behind her ear. Holstering her blaster, the Human peered across the arena, finding Tahiri and Zuska each battling with the other two gundarks. One beast was chasing and trying to crush Zuska under its huge paws, while the other was charging Tahiri.

Ciara Tearnan Rothwell Tarentae, 26 March, 2021 4:26 AM UTC

What Went Well

You jumped straight into the action in this post and wrote some really fun combat imagery. I loved Tahiri’s leap over the gundark. There were a few times when I had to re-read sections to keep track of the three gundarks and three combatants, but you did a great job of writing a fast-paced, combat-rich post!

Room for Growth

Letting it seep into her tensed leg and back muscles, adding to the energy already built up.

This sentence is a fragment as it has no subject. Your subject is meant to be Tahiri, and the “it” she’s letting seep into her is the Force from your previous sentence, but you wouldn’t know that from this sentence alone. You either needed to appropriately connect those two thoughts into one sentence or restructure this sentence so it could stand alone.

Knowing her saber wouldn’t do much against the creature’s flesh, it would at the very least create a distraction.

This was a similar issue to the above where your subject gets kind of lost. Tahiri should be your subject here since she is the one “knowing her saber wouldn’t do much,” but you switch to “it” (the lightsaber) in the next phrase, which doesn’t make sense since the lightsaber can’t know anything. You could try, “Knowing her saber wouldn’t do much against the creature’s flesh, Tahiri hoped it would at the very least create a distraction.”

You ran into this a few other times during the post, so it’s just something to watch. When you proof, read over the sentence and see if you can easily identify your subjects.

There were a few other minor syntax errors here, but nothing major. The dropped gundark should’ve hit the ground with a resounding thud (not sounding). Also remember that vibrosword shouldn’t be capitalized and redhead is one word.

Tahiri drew once more upon the Force, feeling it suffuse her muscles as the gundark barreled toward her. She slowed her breathing, forcing herself to focus even as she could feel the creature's footsteps vibrating the ground beneath her feet. At the last possible minute, she rolled forward and to the side, barely avoiding the beast's charge. The gundark was too big to stop easily, and though it tried to turn, it succeeded only in skidding past her.

As she completed her flip, she lashed out with her vibrosword. The sharpened edge bit into the flesh just above the gundark's ankle, leaving behind a thin cut and a trickle of blood. It was yet another in a series of shallow cuts that she had inflicted on the creature over the past several minutes. It was a straightforward pattern: let the gundark charge her, dodge it and inflict another cut. In this way, she hoped to wear it down, at least until Zuska or Lucine could join her in the attack.

Zuska, meanwhile, had problems of his own. He was darting and dodging between the other gundark's legs, snarling and nipping at it whenever he could. Blood oozed from several places where the vornskr's teeth had torn through the creature's flesh.

Lucine's sharp eyes took in all of these details as she approached. Her first impulse was to aid Tahiri. After all, building a positive relationship with the diminutive Togruta was the primary reason she was here. But she had the feeling that Tahiri would not look too kindly at her assistance if it came at the cost of helping that animal of hers. Clearly, she was going to have to get creative.

The gundark that was facing off against Tahiri roared and began to beat the sand with its fists, indicating that it was getting ready to charge again. Lucine took a deep breath as she visualized an image clearly in her mind's eye. Once she was certain that every detail was perfect, she gestured toward the gundark as she touched its mind with the Force.

The creature froze as the scene before it abruptly changed. The form of its litter-mate shimmered and faded, only to be replaced with a two-and-a-half meter tall version of the small red morsel it had been fighting. The gundark bellowed in rage at the sight of this new challenger and charged.

The beast that had been fighting Zuska had no time to get out of the way. It whined in surprise and pain as the larger gundark suddenly slammed into it. The maddened creature gave its sibling no time to recover and instead began hammering it with its fists.

“What did you do?” Tahiri asked as she took a few cautious steps away from the two creatures that were now furiously trading blows. Zuska had a similar thought, though he placed himself between the Togruta and the two enraged beasts.

“Merely a simple bit of misdirection,” Lucine replied as she drew nearer. She made another gesture as she adjusted the illusion that she had cast over the hapless gundark. In its imagination, it saw its sibling come up behind the giant-sized Tahiri and begin to attack her. In response, the illusory-Tahiri leaped out of the way and took off in a run toward the traps and the sensor equipment. The affected gundark roared and charged after her.

“There!” Lucine said as she dusted off her hands. “Now the scientists can get some data while we deal with the other threat!”

Meanwhile, the smaller beast looked at its sibling's retreating form in confusion and anger. It growled as its gaze moved between the other gundark and Zuska. Clearly, it had not forgotten the vornskr that had been harrying it earlier. It looked between the two for several seconds, before turning to bare its teeth at them.

“It appears Zuska has made a friend,” Lucine murmured as the towering creature burst into a loping run toward them.

The redhead dropped into a defensive position while Zuska bared his teeth and growled at the threat that was charging toward them. Tahiri, however, stepped forward. Her hands were closed into fists as she glared at the rapidly approaching beast. It had probably chosen to come after her Zuska because it thought that he was the lesser threat. If the gundark had its way, it would kill her vornskr.

But she was not going to let it have its way. She reached deep within her and gathered up all of her anger. “Pick on someone your own size!” she yelled as she swung her hand palm first, toward the beast.

Tongues of electricity leaped from her hand and arced toward the creature. The gundark howled in pain as the energy tore through him, causing every muscle to lock up in a single agonizing contraction. Tahiri grit her teeth as the smell of ozone and burning fur filled the air. Finally, she closed her hand into a fist and the lightning ceased.

The gundark crumpled to the ground with a heavy THUD, alive and injured. It lay there, twitching in the sand, with its eyes closed and its chest rising and falling in jerking gasps. Tahiri glared at it fiercely as she took several deep breaths, trying to recover from the effort. “That's what you get!” she spat.

Ciara Tearnan Rothwell Tarentae, 26 March, 2021 4:29 AM UTC

What Went Well

Another well-written post! I appreciated how you used the combat setup (gundarks threatening both Tahiri and Zuska) to reiterate Lucine’s motivations and force her to make a choice or come up with a clever solution – which, of course, she did. The giant-sized Tahiri illusion effectively taking care of both gundarks was unique and fun.

Tahiri moving from her normal athletic, swordplay wheelhouse to streaming Force lightning at the gundark to defend her companion with a “That’s what you get!” was another great reflection of her character.

Oh, and the second thud to signify the second downed gundark was a nice touch to mirror the effect in Tahiri’s previous post.

Room for Growth

This was a really clean and solid post, so I don’t have anything sweeping to offer here. The only syntax error I found was that you hyphenated littermate when it should be one word. It works kind of like redhead.

Zuska growled as he approached the fallen gundark. Sniffing it, the vornskr gave another low intimidating growl. The gundark didn’t move, just kept breathing heavily. Zuska huffed and then retreated back to Tahiri. Usually he didn’t like the light shows she made happen from her hands, but he didn’t mind it this time.

Tahiri took a knee as her breathing came a bit heavily. Zaska came up beside her, sniffing her lekku as he worriedly whined at her. Tahiri smiled and slowly stood back up, patting Zuska’s head.

"You alright, darling?" Lucine's tone had a hint of worry in it.

"I'll be fine," the petite Togruta flashed her a quick smile. "That just took more energy than I thought it was going to."

"Well, I hope you did not expend too much energy. We still have one big fella to deal with," Lucine's gaze traveled back to the last gundark who had been chasing her illusion.

“Don’t worry, I still have enough energy to take care of that guy,” Tahiri nodded and reached for the place on her belt for her lightsaber, but it wasn’t there. Confused, she looked around and then realized that in her anger, she had dropped both of her blades when she called upon the Force to fry the gundark that wanted to take on Zuska. Spotting both blades only a meter away, the Battlelord concentrated for a moment, calling her lightsaber back to her hand. It snapped back rather fast and hit her hand harder than intended. Even though her hand stung, she didn’t show it. Looking at the hilt of her saber, she sighed with relief that it was undamaged. Deciding against calling her Vibrosword back, she walked over and picked it up.

A roar of confusion and rage, made her turn towards the last gundark. The beast was banging its fist against the wall and ground of the arena. Apparently whatever illusion Lucine had used went into, or perhaps up the wall, and the creature could not follow.

“What happened?” Tahiri asked the redhead as she clipped her lightsaber to her belt. Unsheathing her blood red Vibrosword from its scabbard on her back, the Togrute came to stand close to Lucine, watching the creature grow more and more frustrated.

“Ah well, I have a giant image of you, Tahiri,” Lucine explained calmly as she concentrated on the gundark, making a quick gesture with her left hand. “Scaling the wall and taunting the big guy. Shall I end the illusion?”

“Hmm, well we still need to finish incapticitating it. So, I say let's get this over with," Tahiri tilted her head slightly, as she watched the gundark make a very awkward jump. Looking around the arena, Tahiri spotted two tall power coilsoff to their right. “Well, that would have come in handy. Hmmm, maybe that will work.”

“What are you thinking?” Lucine glanced at the Togruta, raising an eyebrow.

Tahiri gave Lucine a mischievous smile, her sulfuric eyes glinting slightly. “Want to have some fun? Let’s see if we can’t set off those power coils with the big guys.” Tahiri kneeled and set her blacked-out Vibrosword on the ground and montioned to Zuska. The vornskr came closer and looked her straight in the eyes as she placed her right hand beneath his jaw. Whispering some words in Togruti to Zuska, who after she finished speaking, touched his forhead to hers and then began to trot off to the right towards the power coils.

“You said that illusion is a giant version of me, correct?” Tahiri asked as she picked her sword up and straightened.

“Yes. What are we doing?”

“Drop the illusion and let the gundark come after the real thing,” she replied with a nod towards the power coils.

The Warlord looked from her, to the coils, to the gundark, and then back to Tahiri. “Are you sure you want to do this, darling?”

“Yes,” with that the Togruta took off at a sprint towards the gundark. Lucine watched her take off, and then glanced at where Zuska was, her mind clicked as to what the petite Togruta had planned. With a small gesture, Lucine let the illusion fade.

The gundark stopped in tracks as the giant pest of Tahiri disappeared suddenly. Grunting the creature paced back and forth looking to where he had last seen the being. Then a whoop shriek came from its left, causing the beast to turn its attention to the new sound. A slow deep growl eminated from the gundark as it discovered the source.

Tahiri was glad she was still at a sprint and a hundred meters away, when the gundark charged. She had planned on clanging her blades together, but there was no need for anything else to get the beasts attention. It was still pissed.

Lucine had found the trigger plate for the power coil trap, now she just had to wait for Tahiri. There was no need to wait long, as a roar brought her attention to quite a sight. The Togruta was racing towards her, the gundark right on her heels kicking up the sandy soil in clumps. The gundarks attention was fully on Tahiri as they both closed in on the trap. As the Battlelord raced through the two power coils, the gundark only a few meters behind her, Zuska lunged forward from where he had positioned himself on the other side of the coils to trip up the gundark. The vornskr and gundark tangled for a moment, until Zuska jumped back.

“Now!”

Lucine stepped on the activation plate and the gundark howled as the electricity jumped between the coils. The trio headed out of the arena as the gundark fell unconsciously to floor of the arena.

Ciara Tearnan Rothwell Tarentae, 26 March, 2021 4:30 AM UTC

What Went Well

This post still had plenty of action, but I also appreciated how you slowed down a bit in the beginning to show Tahiri struggling in relatable ways – both from exhaustion and silly things like forgetting that she’d dropped her weapons and reaching for them where she expected them to be.

Room for Growth

The action in this post seemed like an abrupt pivot from the previous post since Lucine had the illusory Tahiri running toward the traps and sensors, and Lucine telling Tahiri that it should allow the scientists to collect data while they dealt with the other beastie. As a reader, I expected to see this gundark getting caught in those traps or Lucine managing the illusion to hold the gundark’s attention over a sensor, but your post has it just being taunted and kept at a distance without the intent implied by the previous post. It’s not a major thing since that shift could have happened, but some explanation for that shift would’ve helped.

Tahiri was glad she was still at a sprint and a hundred meters away, when the gundark charged.

I didn’t detract a full point for this since it sounded like Tahiri and the gundark may have been across the colosseum from one another since the gundark was at the wall, but be careful when quantifying distance like you did. One hundred meters is like the length of a football field, so it’s a little hard to believe they were that far apart.

Lucine stepped on the activation plate and the gundark howled as the electricity jumped between the coils. The trio headed out of the arena as the gundark fell unconsciously to floor of the arena.

This post felt a little rushed, both in syntax and in this ending where you just “head out” while the creature falls to the floor. You had a number of syntax errors that were really just misspellings (montioned instead of motioned, forhead instead of forehead, eminated instead of emanated) or forgetting words (the gundark falling unconsciously “to floor” instead of “to the floor”) that could’ve been caught by another proofing pass.