KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana vs. DEF Gui Sol

Krath Priest Kordath Bleu d'Tana

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Krath, Shadow
vs.

Defender Gui Sol

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Kiffar, Sentinel, Shadow
Comment

Apologize for the long time taken to grade this match. I hope that the feedback given after careful review by multiple judges including discussions on how grading should work in the ACC has provided beneficial feedback to both writers.

This was a great battle to read, where both writers clearly have all the basic concepts of combat in the ACC down with all the proper research done on each other’s characters to tell a great story. Both writers included great action throughout the battle that made use of their respective styles and skills using knives and unarmed combat over lightsabers and flashy energy weapons which gave it a unique feel over other battles.

Although perhaps too intent on winning fictionally, over telling a more realistic story, I feel like Gui Sol has created a great character, and one that in the right story could shine and show off his skills as a great writer and ACC contender.

In the end, taken as a whole with the respective endings, Kordath Bleu d’Tana has edged out the victory on this bloody nose tussle.

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana, DEF Gui Sol
Winner KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
KP Kordath Bleu d'Tana's Character Snapshot Snapshot
DEF Gui Sol's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Shadow Academy - Hall of Secrets
Last Post 11 July, 2015 3:02 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Master Aramis Taelyan
Syntax - 15%
Gui Sol General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 3 Score: 5
Rationale: There were quite a few errors with punctuation, capitalization, and tense throughout the scene. As a suggestion, you should look at breaking up some of the larger paragraphs in your writing - each should be focused on conveying one message and many of yours have multiple making it slower and more difficult to read. As an example - in the middle of your second post you open a paragraph as a book strikes your character’s nose and the same paragraph ends with your character tangled up in a sash. Rationale: Syntax: 5 No issues with grammar, spelling or syntax. As a suggestion - the writing could have done a better job of setting the pace of the story. Longer paragraphs during moments of reflection and planning, and shorter quick words during the action.
Story - 40%
Gui Sol General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You had a great job opening as a curious Jedi in the Shadow Academy although left wondering what mission Gui Sol was on and why Kordath was so immediately irritable. As a reader, relying on Jedi are good, Krath are bad, it escalated on that path towards immediate conflict and did give some cliche interest in the characters but had a unique take that it was entirely carried out with knives. It was an interesting story as you developed it but overall very basic Jedi interrupts a Krath and gets attacked. Rationale: Great transition from the opening post by Gui Sol, and giving reason for the conflict. It made sense why Kordath was in conflict with the Jedi who interrupted his studies. Thoughtful attention was paid to both both characters through the story, and properly representing them, but in the end it was overall a very basic scene. A mission is mentioned early on, but no effort made to come back to it later when Kordath instead just trying to coax and calm down the Defender with no attempts to use him for his own goals. Far more attention could have been paid to the characters themselves and their interest in the conflict beyond just the combat itself. It was just a great execution of a basic Jedi interrupts Krath and gets a beatdown story.
Realism - 25%
Gui Sol General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You presented both characters very well, sticking to the CS and utilizing both characters skills throughout the combat. I had a hard time digesting the conclusion of your post however when you drove a knife through the back of an Equite’s head who has such a keen sense of danger and perception to everything around him despite his sustained injuries. Rationale: You made great use of both characters and their respective CS. Keeping in mind their Aspects and skills throughout all the conflict. It didn’t feel like either character’s Aspects and Skills were fully explored in the fight, to be overly realistic, but there was depth and it was very believable.
Continuity - 20%
Gui Sol General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues at all with continuity, a tome did come out of nowhere to hit your character in the face, and you could have set that up a bit better, but given the opening setup and the action focused on Gui Col at the time it wasn’t entirely unbelievable. It was a decent use of the telekinesis skill. Rationale: No issues at all with continuity. Little was done at all to set the scene in the room or make use of it anyways so it’s difficult to go wrong there.
Gui Sol's Score: 4.05 General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.35
Posts

Below the offices and living quarters of the Headmaster and his Praetor lies the Hall of Secrets—a room dedicated to the members of the Dark Council, and practically unknown by the rest of the Brotherhood. The spacious room is highly secured, with a curving stone ceiling and thick, stone walls. Any noise from the rest of the Academy is completely muted, the silence of this place like a tomb. You were summoned here, the note still clenched in your hand, but so far you haven't seen a soul.

There are a nine cubicles—one for each Councilor—made from transparent crystal, which divides the room evenly into sections. Glancing into one, you see that it contains a small console. You walk towards it and tap in a simple command. Immediately the crystal walls grow opaque, obscuring the interior from view and sealing you within. It seems obvious that this is a secure study for the Council, where its members come to access artifacts, holocrons, or other data, without the prying eyes of the Academy watching.

You reverse the command and step back into the Hall. Glancing around, you search for the person who summoned you. Most of the cubicles are currently transparent, but the furthest one is dark—currently in use. You step towards it just as the walls flicker back to transparency revealing a single figure with weapon in hand…

"It's a pleasure." Gui, greeted. He was always taught the importance of reacting with composure and remained vigilant when dealing with the many dangers stemming from ignorance and fear. It would be no different in the face of this new evil.

Ever cautious, Gui's hands instinctively gripped the handles of his Vibroknives and his eyes became fixed on the rather curious looking Ryn before him. The soft florescence basked the creature in light and his tail twitched with irritation which radiated from his being and met with the delicate senses of the Kiffar boy.

"Lookin for something?" Gui continued, displaying curiosity of his own. Or perhaps he was just trying to gain information as he was trained to do.

"You're interrupting my reading, child. Leave here at once." The Priest commanded, pointing to the door with the blade he held in his hand.

"Not gonna happen, Krathy. I'm on a mission."

"Then I suppose you die little Jedi."

As Kordath uttered his hollow threat, he lunged in before his sentence could fall on deaf ears. This particular youngling was taught to ignore threats and words, to focus on the here and now. To walk behind the lines of battle, to expose. Threats were nothing more than unaccomplished goals fueled by overconfidence. They meant nothing. The only thing that mattered now was taking advantage of what could end up being a horrible series of events had Gui failed to take action. But it would be foolish to think otherwise. The Kiffar was always ready and with but a flourish was able to knock away the incoming blade of his attacker with two of his own. The metallic clank and scraping was music to his ears as he rolled his left wrist in an attempt to follow-up with a well aimed strike to the Krath's midsection.

While the first attack of the Priest was sloppy, it was apparent that he was trying to play with a stacked deck as Gui's blade merely glanced off of Ryn's waist with little to no cutting. Kordath flashed a quick smirk as he lightly twisted to allow the boy to over-extend and followed up with a deliberate action of his own as he drove the sole of his foot into the youngling's back.

A quick 'oof' was heard from the boy as he stumbled forward but tucked into a roll before hitting the ground. Using the momentum generated from the roll and calling upon the Force for brief control, Gui leapt as soon as his feet met with the ground and propelled himself up onto the desk of a Councillor. Here, he would collect himself as his natural athleticism would once again aid him in life, aid him in taking control of the high-ground.

The smirk of the Ryn was erased and replaced with a sneer as he charged towards the desk and wildly swung his blade. This mediocre attempt screamed inexperience with knives as Sol was able to kick away the strike and chamber his leg to unleash a powerful blow which would connect the top of Gui's foot to the bridge of Kordath's crooked nose.

Blood streamed from his face as he stumbled back and frantically blinked his watering eyes, pawing at his sensitive, nearly caved in, nose. This annoyance would have to pay with blood. Catching him, however, would be easier said than done.

Master Aramis Taelyan, 21 July, 2015 4:54 AM UTC

Councilor (sp). He would collect = collected.

Master Aramis Taelyan, 1 August, 2015 5:00 AM UTC

"It's a pleasure." Gui, greeted. - Comma after pleasure, since it’s a continuation of the dialogue, and not a separate clause.

Master Aramis Taelyan, 1 August, 2015 5:02 AM UTC

To walk behind the lines of battle, to expose. - What is being exposed? This is a fragmented, incomplete sentence.

Master Aramis Taelyan, 1 August, 2015 5:05 AM UTC

remarkable to behold in the eyes of the Kid. / his better Judgement. / face simultaneously as his Vibroknife slipped from - Unnecessary capitalization of “kid” “judgement” and “vibroknife.”

Master Aramis Taelyan, 1 August, 2015 5:03 AM UTC

While the first attack of the Priest was sloppy, it was apparent that he was trying to play with a stacked deck as Gui's blade merely glanced off of Ryn's waist with little to no cutting. - Few things here. We have an expression: “Show, don’t tell”. This means that you should SHOW us how Kordath (I think it’s who you meant, but it’s confusing who you’re referring to because of your syntax) is playing with a stacked deck. I don’t really know what that means as a reader. Can you actually show me, through the action? You’re also missing “the” before Ryn.

Master Aramis Taelyan, 1 August, 2015 5:04 AM UTC

Ever cautious, Gui's hands instinctively gripped the handles of his Vibroknives - Vibroknives shouldn’t be capitalized just like like lightsaber shouldn’t be capitalized.

Master Aramis Taelyan, 1 August, 2015 5:04 AM UTC

A quick 'oof' was heard from the boy as he stumbled forward but tucked into a roll before hitting the ground. - The switch to passive voice for this sentence is awkward.

Kordath could taste his own blood streaming down into his mouth, and he didn’t care for the flavor. Breathing slowly so as not to agitate the burning cluster of pain that was his nose at the moment, the Ryn tried to calm himself down. His reaction to the...bloody hell the little Jedi was practically still a child, as the near-Humans went. At least, he was pretty sure it was a kid: the smooth skins were always difficult to pin down before their hair started changing colors and skin got all shrively. Then again, the little brat had interrupted his reading, which was unforgivable.

’He’s good with those blasted blades as well...spry little bugger,’ thought the Krath, using a sleeve to wipe blood from his face. Spitting out a stream of dark spit mixed with his own coppery blood, the Ryn gave a grin to the boy.

“Listen, kid, you caught me on a bad, bad day it seems,” he started, his words punctuated by discordant whistles from his broken nose. The Ryn focused upon his own sense of self as he spoke, warping the portrayal of his own motives and intentions . “Why don’t you come down from there before you get hurt, and we talk this out, eh?”

The young Defender watched with suspicion: the Ryn’s entire body language had changed in moments. Attuning himself with the Force showed a simmering anger coming off the Krath, but he couldn’t be certain of true hostile intent. It was...muddled, as if the Priest was putting out two different auras, one of welcome and understanding and another of rage and restrained violence. It was intriguing to say the least, though it seemed to be flickering back and forth between the two mindsets.

Bleu sighed as his face throbbed in pain. It wasn’t as bad now, but it was still a distraction. And that distraction was costing him an opportunity, he noted, as the boy was peering at him with squinted eyes. Studying him, that’s what the look was, untrusting of the Arconan’s motives. The Jedi child seemed to make up his mind, one hand sliding up into his robes slowly. Kordath shook his head, spinning the knife in his own hairy hand so that the point was facing down, and readied himself. The Ryn wasn’t even remotely surprised when the throwing knife came flying towards him, a flash of light leaving the Kiffar’s hand.

Kordath stepped aside, letting the blade pass him and glance off the stone walls of the chamber. The kid might have been better at knife play then the Ryn, but Kordath hadn’t survived this long without paying attention. He ducked before the whirring vibroblade could take a chunk out of his shoulder, much to Gui’s surprise. The Defender had hoped the misdirection of the throwing knife would give him an opening on the older Krath. Kordath decided to forgo his own blade as his evasion gave him an opening.

As he crouched the Ryn fell to his left, using his offhand to balance him on the cold stone floor before kicking out with his right foot. Gui managed to stumble over the attack without harm, unable to evade as he tried to recover from his own failed strike. He turned to bring his knives down upon the Priest, who had a strange grin on his face, before his feet went out from under him and he fell backwards. The Defender hit the ground hard, feeling the air rush from his body as he looked down to see the Ryn’s tail uncoiling from one of his ankles.

Kordath winked at him as the Priest regained his feet, blood drying on his furred face as his wounded nose finally clotted. The Ryn resisted the urge to kick the Jedi while he was down, suspecting that the Kiffar was prepared for that with his bloody vibroknives. With a snarl of anger at the Arconan’s seeming nonchalance, Gui got back to his feet as well. Blades held ready, the Defender took a moment to collect himself. As he did, the Priest backed away, cracking his neck as he readied himself for the Jedi’s counter assault.

The Kiffar edged in slowly, relying on his Echani training to help him avoid another embarrassing takedown from the older Priest. Stepping sideways to present a slighter profile to the Krath, Gui feinted with one blade, watching the Ryn duck away before pivoting his body on his leading left foot. His right came up with a vengeance, the booted foot slamming into Bleu’s jaw and sending the Krath sprawling backwards. Kordath lay on the floor groaning, feeling the cold stone below him as he probed his teeth with his tongue, checking to see if any were gone.

Gui grinned, spinning his blades in a flourish as he approached his downed foe. The Ryn, for his part, was content that his winning smile hadn’t been ruined by the young Jedi, and began the laborious task of standing back up. This was turning into a long day for the Priest: usually young boys didn’t knock him around this much.

The collected saliva on the Priest's face was remarkable to behold in the eyes of the Kid. He really hadn’t expected to stand toe to toe with an Equite. While he was nimble, he was also inexperienced and it was that unfortunate realization which gripped him during times like these.

The Kiffar reached out and awakened his senses. The Force was very clear about what was to transpire and the next few moments would not be pretty. He could feel the growing tension as he watched the angry bookworm rotate the knife in his right palm, reversing the grip. Doing what he could to remain calm, Gui remembered his training. His Master had taught him to persevere in the face of adversity and remain patient for the opportune moment to establish dominance.

Gritting his teeth, Gui moved in against his better Judgement. All of his senses screamed impact and constriction. His visions were often muddled but accurate and if and when the opportune moment had presented itself, he'd be ready. Unfortunately for the Defender, that moment was not now.

As Gui zipped in, flashing an attack, the Jeswandi practitioner shifted his hips. With but one motion, everything Gui had planned fell to pieces. The Ryn had been baiting him, lulling him into a false sense of security. As Gui's strike horribly missed, Kordath rotated and twisted on his heels. His hands flowed in concert with his hips as he seemingly conducted a mystical symphony. Gui, now frustrated, followed up with another strike but was halted as a rather large and heavy tome cracked him square in the face.

A loud pop could be heard amidst the thudding of the thick cover against flesh as it struck the bridge of the Defenders nose. Pain swelled his face and began to throb as the book fell to the floor, it's blood stained pages fluttering to a standstill as Gui stumbled back and wiped at his nose with his sleeve. He hated reading so this was like some kind of twisted nightmare that Kordath couldn't help but to find amusing as he fought back a laugh. Shaking the stars out of his head, Gui could only manage to raise his arms before Kordath was capitalizing. As the Priest made his move, he unraveled his sash. The long piece of dark cloth became like a spider's web as he wove it around the wrists of Gui, the Kid's struggle only making it worse as he became tangled and ensnared. His arms were nearly tied together and his joints were locked, pulled tight by the Ryn's leash.

But to make matters worse, it was unlikely that Kordath would deviate from his sinister plan. One way or another it was apparent that he would try to make an example out of the defiant little Jedi. The Krath’s aura was dark as was his intent.

The Defender growled in frustration as the Priest slid his hand along Gui’s forearm and clamped down with a vice-like grip that made him writhe in pain as the Ryn twisted his wrist in on itself and jerked straight up. The sharp pain bit into the Defender’s wrist and his fingers spread as the bones of his hands cramped together and began to fracture. Sorrow and agony swept across his face simultaneously as his Vibroknife slipped from his obliterated grip.

The young Kiffar tried to muster as much energy as he could to dull the pain, yet it remained unbearable. The Force felt distant, just out of reach and in that moment doubt consumed him. All the feelings of peace and tranquility faded away and there was nothing left but a voracious darkness.

"Do you see?" The Ryn hissed as he wrenched the arm of Gui and popped his hips, sending the boy crashing into a nearby wall.

"There is power in the Dark." The Priest's surface demeanor had changed. "You’re weak and your presence is a mockery, I’m going to thoroughly enjoy ending you.

"I. I.. can't take.. can't take anymore." Gui muttered through labored breathing. "I'm yours, Mas.. Master."

"Good." Surprise and mild suspicion could be heard in Kordath's voice as he stood tall and took a couple of steps forward, continuing his charade.

"We will be powerful, you and I." He added, his knife gripped behind his back as he took another step forward.

"Well, one of us will be." Gui spat.

The corners of Kordath's lips curled to form a sneer and his tail latched onto the boy's leg and flipped him over. A shout of rage bellowed from within as the Ryn's knife rained down, aimed for soft belly tissue.

Patience. A virtue. While it was something difficult to learn, especially for a Kid. When wielded properly, it was something you could always count on for the "Long Haul" as Smuggler's liked to put it. "It just might save your life one day."

As those words flashed through Gui's mind, he allowed his instincts to take control as he used his wrapped wrists to catch the falling threat. Kordath, filled with anger, kept downward pressure as the Sentinel fought him off. He would not stop until the blood of the Jedi stained the floor but little did he know, Gui would not stop until he was out of danger.

Emerald eyes moved to the Knife on the floor and a smile replaced grim determination as it rattled and took flight, burying itself into the back of the Ryn's skull. Gray eyes rolled back into their sockets and everything went limp as blood ran from his mouth and dripped from the tip of the blade. His body slumping over into a heaping mass of flesh and bone and as quickly as it all started, everything became silent. Gui moaned in pain as he unwrapped himself and caught a glimpse of his own reflection which could be seen on the glistening metal protruding from Kordath's mouth.

This kind of victory was never sweet. Gui was not keen on killing and did not have an endless body count to be gloated over. He did not have much blood on his hands but the blood he did have was perfect. While he would likely never get used to killing. One thing can be said. He has a knack for it.

Kordath worked his jaw a few times as he watched the Kiffar approach. The brat had hurt him already, and so far all the Ryn had done was knock the young Jedi to the ground. He tightened the grip on his knife, surprised he hadn’t lost it after the resounding kick to the face. Gui was younger, he was quicker, and he was better with those blasted knives then he was. If he was going to get the kid to back off, he’d have to at least slow him down. Bleu felt a wetness on his lips as the boy approached, and wondered if it was his nose had begun to bleed again or if the Jedi had busted his lips with the kick.

A surprisingly focused look was in the Kiffar’s eyes, no more playing around it seemed as he came at the Ryn once more. Kordath backpedaled, weighing his options as he ran out of room to retreat towards. The young Defender came in with a spin to build up power, both blades prepared to skewer the Krath. Inspiration struck Kordath as he sucked in a breath and pushed out with the Force, and Gui was surprised when his blades rebounded off an invisible shield. The Ryn had lost any reservations about harming the child sometime ago, and took his opponent’s moment of disarray in stride.

The Jedi grunted in surprise as Bleu’s knife cut through his robes and into his midsection; pain flared across his gut as the Ryn withdrew the blade. Kordath stepped back as a reflexive counter attack came at him, sloppily done but designed to drive the Ryn away. A clank of metal on stone could be heard as the Kiffar dropped one knife to clutch at his wound with his left hand. Blood seeped out and stained his clothes, and Kordath could see from the boy’s tightened jaw that he was in a good bit of pain. It was bloody impressive to the Ryn that the kid was still trying to come at him.

“Leave, boy, and I’ll consider this done,” sighed the Krath, shaking his head.

“You started this,” growled the Kiffar, wincing as he spoke.

Kordath shrugged, “I told you to leave me be, kid, listen to your elders in the future.”

Alarms went off in the Ryn’s head as the Force tried to convey one of it’s usually subtle and vague warnings. The look on the Jedi’s face made the threat very clear; he crouched slightly before he tried to rush Kordath. With a muttered curse concerning thick headed children the Ryn used his left arm to try and knock the vibro-blade away from his own midsection as the two crashed into the wall. Kordath shouted in anger and pain as he felt the Kiffar’s powered blade tear at his forearm, and brought up his right arm. A hiss could be heard as the Ryn breathed in through clenched teeth. He fought through the pain to reach the Force and channel it into his muscles.

With a strength that was fueled by pain, anger and the dark side itself, Kordath brought the pommel of his knife down on the Jedi’s head. Two more strikes for good measure caused the child to slowly slide to the floor. Kordath leaned against the wall, out of breath for a few moments, before unwinding his sash from around himself. As he headed for the exit of the chamber, he wrapped it around his torn and bloody forearm, shaking his head. The knowledge that the boy was going to wake up with a Hutt sized headache was little comfort compared to the pain.