Seer Terran Koul vs. Battlelord Kz'set di Plagia

Battlelord Terran Koul

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Kiffar, Sith, Arcanist
vs.

Battlelord Kz'set di Plagia

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Verpine, Sith, Techweaver
Comment

All in all this was an enjoyable match. You both did a good job in outlining an interesting enough bout that wasn't all about the conflict between two individuals, but an organic conflict that flows back and forth between - forgive me my terminology - PvP and PvE.

In terms of how enjoyable the story was, Terran offered the better flow and content for the majority of this bout. However, the missteps near the end could have become major enough to really detract from your overall score in a more serious manner, had they occurred throughout. Try to keep more cognitive of this going forward to avoid losing on realism, instead of the quality of content. Kz'set, while you presented a more than suitable story, it lacked an overall depth that kept it from hooking the reader in and granting you a higher grade. As well, your second post comes across rushed and lacking in polish.

Keep in mind the comments here, and on the posts, and you both should receive better grades in the future.

The scores are in, and tallied, leaving me only to declare Terran Koul the winner.

I look forward to your next entries into the ACC.

Hall Rivalries
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [ACC] Rivalries
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Terran Koul, Battlelord Kz'set di Plagia
Winner Seer Terran Koul
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Terran Koul's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Battlelord Kz'set di Plagia's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Oricon: Starship Graveyard
Last Post 13 September, 2015 8:03 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Darth Renatus
Syntax - 15%
Terran Koul Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No, or close to no, issues readily apparent. Rationale: Some issues of note in your second post. Please refer to the comments.
Story - 40%
Terran Koul Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You did a great job providing an interesting read. You adhered to the flow of story and added on top of the story presented by your opponent. I felt the general "reveal" in the final post was heavy handed in that it came too late to be of real interest to the reader, however. Rationale: You set up a scene and controlled the tone from the beginning, however you didn't bring much back story into the equation. This leaves the reader with questions as to why what is occurring is happening, instead of enjoying the events as they unfold.
Realism - 25%
Terran Koul Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Please refer to my comments in the last post where I address your issues with realism. Rationale: No realism issues that I took note of.
Continuity - 20%
Terran Koul Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: You managed to maintain flow of action and facts between posts as far as I could tell. Rationale: Small issues of continuity in your second post. Please refer to the comments.
Terran Koul's Score: 4.35 Grand Inquisitor Arden Karn di Plagia's Score: 4.25
Posts

Starship Graveyard

Your senses are overwhelmed as you set foot on the planet [Oricon], the base of the ancient Dread Masters nearly lost to time. The landscape is an unforgiving nightmarescape of lava flows and volcanic rock dotted with strange plants and starship wrecks from a battle thousands of years ago. The smoky, sulfuric air of the surface nearly chokes you as your eyes struggle to adjust to the foggy haze illuminated by the soft glow of the lava flows. Tall, luminous blood ferns adorn the landscape, surrounded by vicious predators hardy enough to survive the intense conditions. Trenches and outcroppings formed from flowing lava serve to make footing uneven, adding yet another treacherous element to this already dangerous world. In the distance, the ruins of an ancient tower call to you - the fabled fortress of the Dread Masters. Remnants of ancient cults can be seen here and there, from wrecked huts to blood-stained altars and crumbling oubliettes.

The Dark Side is strong here, but somehow feels different from other Sith planets you have encountered. You are not alone on this ancient world of nightmares.

“Keep running, they’re still back there!”

The words rang out over the chaotic surface of Oricon as the form of a Verpine dashed out of one of the many starship wrecks that littered the planet. As he bolted for the nearest cover, which appeared to be the crumbling remains of an engine, another form appeared from the wreck. The slightly shorter frame of a Kiffar made a beeline for the same object. He shouted back at the Verpine while taking a couple of suppressing shots with blaster rifle he had out.

“Of course they are! Why the kriff did you have to wake them up you thick-headed insect!”

As if on cue, the forms of two massive quadrupedal droids lumbered out of the ancient hulk and opened fire on the pair of fleeing organics. The Kiffar and Verpine just managed to dive behind the metal debris before the blaster fire impacted. Despite their age and having been left in a low power state for millennia, the weapons of the ancient Sith war droids were still potent enough to kill. Now that they had a moment to breathe, Kz’set glanced over to the Kiffar.

“Because they were useful technology. I’d heard rumors of droids here that were still operative in the holds of the wrecks. Having been exposed to this much Force energy and possibly even old forms of...”

Terran didn’t let the Verpine finish before sending a burst of fire back at the droids, hoping to get them to back off.

“But why did you have to wake them up? Quite a mess you have gotten us into now isn’t it?”

The Verpine sighed and took aim at a leg joint with his shatter pistol. As he squeezed the trigger he answered. “If you wouldn’t have interrupted when you did, I might have had a chance to control them. Typical Arconan, swooping in at the last minute to take what others had fought for.”

Terran smiled a bit as Kz’set’s shot ripped right into the joint, sending the insect-like droid skittering backwards. “Nice shot, but I couldn’t take the risk that you would use them against me.”

Kz’set didn’t even look at the Kiffar to respond as he was too focused on figuring out a way out of this situation. As his mind processed option after option he buzzed a reply. “Don’t lie, Atyiru wants these for something, and that something quite obviously isn’t tending to the wounded.”

Two more blaster bolts shot out from the droids and impacted the makeshift barrier in front of them, punching a clean hole right between them. They both realized quickly that they needed to move and soon. Terran was the first to say something, glancing around a bit nervously.

“We’ll discuss the Shadow Lady’s motives later, right now we need better cover. I vote that old shuttle on the left.”

Kz’set glanced around for a moment and ran several scenarios through his head in a matter of seconds. “56% chance of survival. Best oddszzz.”

Terran harrumphed as he raised his rifle. “Better than half, I’ll take it. On my count.”

Both organics took a deep breath before the Kiffar started counting.

“Three, two, one. GO!”

Darth Renatus, 16 September, 2015 12:00 AM UTC

Having been exposed to this much Force energy and possibly even old forms of...”

I would suggest the use of an em-dash at the end of speech that is being interrupted. The ellipses denotes more of a "trailing off" than cut short.

“56% chance of survival. Best oddszzz.”

The buzzing on the 's' is a nice touch, but applied inconsistently. Either commit to it all the way or drop it.


I like the way you just hopped into the combat right away, but you don't manage to truly instill a sense of why in this post. You give a sense that Kz'set was doing "something" but never get into what, only that somehow Terran showed up and now you're both joined at the hip trying to stay alive. This leaves me with more questions than answers.

As Terran watched the Verpine sprint towards the nearby shuttle, he forced down a pang of guilt and counted a dozen heartbeats - long enough for the droids to begin tracking Kz’set’s movement and turn to follow. The first bolt whirped towards the Plagueian and Terran leaned out the opposite side of the metal bulwark, sighting down the barrel of his WESTAR-M5. He squeezed the trigger and a trio of blue bolts shot towards the rightmost war droid, just as it released a quartet of scarlet shafts at the Verpine. The distracted droid’s optic sensor exploded in a shower of sparks, rendering it blind. Terran ducked back behind the debris, returning his M5 to the holster on his back, beneath his duster. A quick glance to his left revealed the Sith sheltering in the shuttle’s hatchway, glaring at the Arconan with more heat than any blaster bolt. Good. If he’d died down here, Isshwarr would never let me hear the end of it. She told me this was a bad idea in the first place.

The Kiffar met the Verpine’s scowl and shrugged sheepishly, then held up two spread fingers - one pointed towards either eye. After a moment, he lowered one, then pointed past the debris. One droid left. Kz’set continued to glare at him for the space of a few heartbeats before finally sighing and nodding his head. The Plagueian raised his shatter pistol in his right hand and held up all three digits on his left. As Kz’set lowered the first finger, Terran drew the pair of blaster pistols at his waist, eyeing the switches on both to make sure they weren’t set to stun. The Verpine lowered his second finger and Terran reached out through the Force, gripping a pair of fist-sized rocks between him and the shuttle. The raised finger became a closed fist, and Terran ran.

He hurled the two age-smoothed stones towards the remaining droid as Kz’set lowered his pistol and fired. The Verpine’s aim was true, colliding with one of the war droid’s arms and knocking its blasts off-target. A pair of red bolts slammed into the shuttle’s armor plating, ablating harmlessly. The second blaster’s fire flew true, slamming into the earthen projectiles Terran had flung at it. Most of the rocks’ mass were vaporized by the heat of the blaster bolts, but dozens of tiny clods remained, hardened by the wash of superheated plasma. With a grin, the Kiffar stopped mid-step and turned towards the droid. Grasping the rubbled stones with his mind and gesturing with the blaster in his right hand, the former Jensaarai shot the earthen pellets at the droid.

Turning back towards the shuttle, Terran sprinted the last six meters. Though he couldn’t see it, he could feel the dozens of projectiles impacting against the war droid’s armor, pitting its durasteel carapace and lodging in its joints. As he entered the hatchway, Kz’set hit a button to his right. The hatchway’s durasteel cover cycled down - slowly and with a great deal of screeching protest - and plunged the shuttle’s interior into darkness.

“Well, ain’t this cheery?” muttered Terran, holstering the blaster in his off-hand before digging through his coat pockets.

“Don’t blame me,” retorted the Verpine. “You picked thiszzz...lovely accomodation.”

The Kiffar made a sound, half-snort and half-chuckle, as he finally fished a glowrod out of his duster and activated it. He held it aloft, bathing the shuttle’s interior in pale light. Well, it could be worse, he thought, scanning the dimly-lit room. At least he still thinks I’m here on Arconan business.

The compartment was relatively small, only ten meters long and half as wide. The ancient shuttle’s landing ramp served as the aft wall - it would have to lower completely to load or unload cargo - and a small doorway to the fore no doubt led to the cockpit. Under the Verpine’s expectant stare, Terran turned towards the doorway and began stepping over broken pallets and other refuse that littered the shuttle’s rear compartment.

“What was that, out there?” Kz’set inquired, his voice tinged with anger. “I could have been shot.”

“Don’t worry, it was all part of the plan. There just wasn’t time to explain.”

“Your ‘plan’ almost got us both killed.”

“Don’t be silly.” Terran favored the Verpine with his most irrepressible grin. “My plans always work.”

Kz’set scoffed, then fell silent.

“So…” continued the Kiffar, hesitantly. “What do you think the deal is with the droids? I would have expected them to be trying to break through the hatchway already.”

“I do not know,” buzzed the Plageuian. “Perhaps they know that their depleted blasters cannot penetrate the shuttle’s hull. Assuming this shuttle is in no condition to launch, it makes the most sense to wait us out. We will need water long before they need power.”

“Hmph.” Terran gave the door controls a cursory glance. Someone had ripped the panel halfway open and the wires inside were in disarray. Perfect. “Well, let’s hope we can prove their assumption wrong. Mind taking a look at these controls? I can’t make heads or tails of them.”

“Certainly,” replied the Verpine, the slightest hint of warmth in his voice at the prospect of something electronic to investigate. “It would be my pleasure to do szzzo.”

The Kiffar stepped aside, waving towards the panel as Kz’set holstered his pistol and approached. The Plagueian held out a hand expectantly, and Terran passed him the glowrod, moving back a few meters. As Kz’set began examining the wiring, the Arconan took a few steps back and surveyed the remainder of the shuttle’s compartment. There wasn’t much to see. Whatever the shuttle had once carried, it had long-since been carted away by scavengers, leaving nothing but junk behind. A series of low buzzes and clicks came from Kz’set - Terran assumed they were the Verpine equivalent of a contemplative hum - and the Kiffar drew his second pistol. He flicked the power switches with either thumb, silently setting the pair to stun.

Engineers, scoffed Terran to himself, stepping forward and raising his pistols to the back of Kz’set’s chitinous head. Show them a piece of machinery and they forg—

A metallic screech cut the thought short, and Terran spun towards the hatchway through which the pair had entered the shuttle. He heard the Verpine follow suit behind him, scatter pistol whishing from its holster. A large bump marred the hatchway’s formerly smooth surface and the hatch now bowed inward. A second bump appeared, punctuated by another screech, and the Kiffar glanced back at Kz’set.

“Any luck with that door?”

“It is still closed, yeszzz?”

“Then, um...got any suggestions?”

“Just one,” replied Kz’set, drawing his lightsaber and thumbing its orange blade to life.

Then a second set of screeches began, and the shuttle’s roof bowed inward in at least three places.

Darth Renatus, 16 September, 2015 12:11 AM UTC

As Terran watched the Verpine sprint towards the nearby shuttle, he forced down a pang of guilt and counted a dozen heartbeats - long enough for the droids to begin tracking Kz’set’s movement and turn to follow.

Very well played here. Takes the set up by your opponent and spins it around while playing to the strengths of the aspects.


Overall, this was a very well done post. It flowed well with good pacing and had a lot of nice little details in regards to the nature of the characters. I'm still at a loss as to what, exactly, brought both to this place however. Even if you have second post, you can still build upon the "why" of the situation.

You also ran into the same issue as your opponent with your inconstant use of the buzzing in Kz'set's speech.

While it wouldn’t look like it to a casual observer, Kz’set was very deep in thought as he creeped towards the bulkhead where he thought the next thump would come from. In a matter of seconds, Kz’set calculated the height and width of the droids, likely points of impact, what parts of their bodies the droids were using, and a dozen other factors. Taking a deep breath, he moved over next to the hatchway and clicked his chitin covered toe against the crumbling durasteel floor. Once. Twice. Thrice.

With a flash he jabbed his lightsaber into the hatchway at seemingly the exact moment the next thump against it came. Just as planned, the orange sheath of plasma plunged through the shuttle’s hatch and into what amounted for the droid’s pelvis region. Hearing the droid scamper backwards from the damage to its leg servos, Kz’set continued carving a large enough hole to escape. The Verpine didn’t turn around to shout to Terran.

“It’s going to be mad after that, be ready.”

Terran couldn’t help but chuckle as he pulled out a pistol in one hand and an ion grenade in the other. “Really, you stabbed the droid in its, you know, nether region. I’d be mad too.”

Kz’set shrugged as the hole expanded. “What else was it going to thrust with? Bet its friend is jumping on the roof still.”

On cue the shuttles roof buckled further from another thud, sending loose metal shards raining down on the pair. Terran started to seem a bit anxious behind him. “So what does your math say about the roof? One more impact like that at best? Might want to hurry up over there?”

Kz’set clicked a note of surprise. “Wasn’t expecting it to take that one actually. And I’m just about done. You figure out the plan yet, preferably the one that doesn’t involve shooting me in the back?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it my buggy friend,” the Arconan scoffed in reply as he leveled his blaster to where a hole was about to emerge in a matter of seconds.

Even though the two hadn’t worked together before, the were developing surprisingly good instincts for each other. A split second after Kz’set punched out the two meter wide disc of durasteel he’d carved out and ducked out of the way, several bolts of plasma came shooting through the gap and into the waiting droid behind before it could draw a bead on the two organics. A heartbeat later, a metallic sphere followed out the opening, exploding into crackling blue energy a moment later. The ancient droid started sparking and smoking, collapsing to the ground a moment later, but neither Kz’set or Terran were going to stick around and just watch the spectacle. Terran was the first to do a running dive out of the freshly carved portal, Kz’set following a moment later. It didn’t take long for the droid on the roof to realize that his sardines had escaped the can. Terran instinctively laid down suppressing fire as he bolted for a nearby rock formation, but Kz’set had other plans.

As the second droid drew a bead on him, Kz’set calmly raised a long, chitinous finger towards droid. Terran figured lightning would spark from it any moment, but it did not. The Verpine simply looked into the droid’s optics and the ancient metallic behemoth simply stared back for a moment before lowering its blasters. Kz’set turned to where Terran had taken cover and smiled.

“Looks like I made a new friend,” the Verpine buzzed. “ I was hoping to try the techniques I learned from Master Torin on one of these. He was right. they are almost like a small animal, once you have control. A really smart small animal with large guns, but you get the idea.”

“Good work?” Terran said with a clear twinge of questioning disdain.

“Thankszzz.” Kz’set answered. “Now what to do with it now that I have it. You haven’t tried to kill me, at least not yet, but you have proved a nuisance. Decisions, decisionszzz.”

Darth Renatus, 16 September, 2015 12:22 AM UTC

The Verpine didn’t turn around to shout to Terran.

“It’s going to be mad after that, be ready.”

The flow of this is awkward and disconnected. It would have been better to keep the dialogue in with the previous paragraph.

Terran couldn’t help but chuckle as he pulled out a pistol in one hand and an ion grenade in the other.

He already had a blaster in each hand at the end of his last post. He also doesn't have any Ion Grenades.

On cue the shuttles roof buckled further from another thud, sending loose metal shards raining down on the pair.

"shuttles" should be possessive here, not plural.

Even though the two hadn’t worked together before, the were developing surprisingly good instincts for each other.

Reads like this should have been "they were developing".

A split second after Kz’set punched out the two meter wide disc of durasteel he’d carved out and ducked out of the way, several bolts of plasma came shooting through the gap and into the waiting droid behind before it could draw a bead on the two organics

When did Terran switch back from the stun setting on his blasters?

A heartbeat later, a metallic sphere followed out the opening, exploding into crackling blue energy a moment later. The ancient droid started sparking and smoking, collapsing to the ground a moment later, but neither Kz’set or Terran were going to stick around and just watch the spectacle.

A lot of repetition here with the whole "A [...] later" bits, with "a moment later" the worst offender.

As the second droid drew a bead on him, Kz’set calmly raised a long, chitinous finger towards droid.

Reads like it should be "chitinous finger towards the droid."


Seems like you may have rushed this post in comparison to your first, or perhaps your proofer did (or was unavailable). Either way, you had a lot of obvious issues that are easy to miss when proofing your own posts. I know the deadlines are tight on the rivalries matches but you should still plan for proofing.

“Well,” Terran replied, gulping reflexively as he tried to ignore the Sith War Droid with four blasters aimed straight at his head, “You could try having it juggle… but I suspect its lack of opposable thumbs would be a bit of a hinderance.”

“Perhapszzz,” the Verpine buzzed after a brief trilling his species used to indicate amusement. “However, I think that first you will be telling me why you are here. What is it your Consul wants with these war droidszzz?”

Terran sighed, shaking his head in frustration. “For the third time: nothing. Princess Rainbow Sunshine doesn’t care about your karkin’ droids.”

“I’m sure,” replied the Verpine, his tone indicating the opposite. “Unless you have a squad of Arconans trained in Mechu-deru hidden in your pocket, I’m the one leaving with them.”

The Kiffar sighed dramatically before shrugging his shoulders in resignation and the blaster in his right hand. “Look, this ain’t no wobbly-headed droid caper.” Running his fingers through his hair with one hand, he gestured towards Kz’set with the other. “I’m here for you.”

The insectoid looked taken aback, and took several seconds to process the words. “Why would Atyiru target me?”

“She didn’t. She has nothing to do with this. You can thank Pravus for our little run-in.”

“The probability of that is exceedingly low. Why would the Grandmaster interfere with my actions?”

Terran’s answer, when it came, was slow and uncharacteristically thoughtful. “He placed a bounty on your head. On the heads of all his former faux-followers amongst the One Sith. I don’t know why - in my line of work, it doesn’t pay to ask a lot of extraneous questions. However, were I a betting man, I’d guess he wanted to remove any evidence that the One Sith existed. I suspect they don’t fit in well with the narrative he plans to tell of his rise to power. There’s even been rumors of his altering the Brotherhood’s official archives, rewriting its history, as it were.”

The Verpine made a noise not unlike a dozen crickets declaring war and pointed the tip of his lightsaber towards Terran. “So, you followed me all the way to this overgrown scrapyard for a few credits?” His voice was rife with disdain, and his slitted eyes testified to his low regard for men and women who hunted other sentients for credits. They bored into the Kiffar like a termite into wood, and after a few moments he dropped his gaze in shame.

“Yes. I mean, it was a small fortune. But that doesn’t much change the nature of the situation.”

The Arconan wrung his hands together at his waist, as if mulling over his actions, while palming the metal cylinder attached to his belt. After a moment, he looked back up at his target, glop grenade concealed in his left hand. He dropped his right back to his belt, near - but not on - his blaster.

“Look,” Terran began, trying to force sincerity into his voice. “We’re at a bit of a stand-off here. You have to be wondering whether you can afford to leave me alive - I could just come after you again once we get off this rock.” As he spoke, the Kiffar channeled his energy into the space in front of him, only half paying attention to his speech. “On the other hand, I didn’t come here alone. If I show up dead, my crew are going to know you killed me, which could have repercussions.”

“It does seem as if we are at an impasszzze,” the Verpine replied. “I assume you have an alternative to propose?”

“Just one,” the Kiffar answered, surreptitiously activating the glop grenade. Then he drew his blaster and fired.

The Verpine, Force senses no doubt warning him of the danger, easily blocked the errant bolt. What he failed to block was the glop grenade Terran rolled towards him. The silvery ball exploded into a gelatinous mass, coating the Kz’set’s legs and torso with adhesive. Jets of the glue-like substance sprayed over the lightsaber, hissing as the plasma blade burned through them with ease, but much of it coated the Verpine’s hands and the saber’s pommel as well, hardening in an instant.

The Techweaver’s new pet reacted to its master’s distress, unleashing a salvo of blaster bolts on the Arconan assailant, but Terran raised his left hand and the air in front of him crystallized, dissipating the deadly darts. A second salvo followed, then a third, and the Kiffar knew he had to find a way to disable the droid quickly, before his barrier failed. Well, there’s one sure-fire way I know to stop it. Thumbing the switch to set his blaster to stun, Terran let one final barrage of bolts impact the barrier, then dropped the shield and dove for the immobilized Verpine. The droid swivelled to follow his movements, continuing to fire as the Arconan rolled towards Kz’set. The shots cut off abruptly as Terran came out of his roll beside the Plagueian, maneuvering to put the insectoid between himself and the droid. Then he raised his blaster to the Verpine’s temple and fired, stunning him into unconsciousness.

The droid stopped moving instantly, seeming to fall back into standby mode, and the Kiffar spared a brief moment to wonder if the Verpine had been controlling the pair of artificial assailants from the start. With a shrug, he pushed the thought aside and grabbed his commlink from his pocket. Holstering his blaster, he activated the commlink on its predefined channel.

“Isshwarr, bring the Gentleman Bastard in. We’ve got a package to deliver.”

His Wookiee partner roared assent, estimating that they were approximately five minutes out.

“Good. And make sure we have some solvent handy. I don’t want this overgrown cricket getting my ship all sticky.”

Darth Renatus, 16 September, 2015 12:35 AM UTC

The Kiffar sighed dramatically before shrugging his shoulders in resignation and the blaster in his right hand.

Phrasing on this is a bit awkward, took me a couple re-reads to figure out what was going on with the blaster reference.

“I’m here for you.”

The whole concept that you are there for a bounty on him seems at odds with your earlier attempt to stun him in the shuttle. Then again, it could be a "dead or alive" type of deal but the narrative you are driving implies Pravus wants them "dead or dead".

but Terran raised his left hand and the air in front of him crystallized, dissipating the deadly darts. A second salvo followed, then a third, and the Kiffar knew he had to find a way to disable the droid quickly, before his barrier failed. Well, there’s one sure-fire way I know to stop it. Thumbing the switch to set his blaster to stun, Terran let one final barrage of bolts impact the barrier, then dropped the shield and dove for the immobilized Verpine.

Your wording really hurt you here, and your misuse of the powers. You have +3 in Deflection which means you can prepare the ability instantly, but only to deflect not absorb/dissipate. Additionally, you keep referring to it as a barrier later on which is an entirely different power that doesn't work for this purpose. Additionally, +3 Deflection can't handle the sustained fire you received.


This was a really solid post... Right up until the end. You seemed to rush the ending and as a result probably didn't quite think through the realism factor of what you were doing. Take a breath and make sure you understand the implementation of the abilities next time.