SBL Invictus vs. DJK Aiden Dru

Battlelord Invictus

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Chiss, Sith, Marauder
vs.

Knight Aiden Dru

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Human, Sith, Marauder
Comment

Gentlemen,

Thank you for participating in the ACC Fading Light Round II. This was an exceptionally difficult battle to score and was reviewed by two additional Dark Council members prior to finalization.

  1. Syntax was scored as a 4-4 draw with each combatant making one easily identifiable mistake. Vic's capitalization of "The" in the middle of a sentence and Aiden's failure to use the possessive "'s" on the word opponent's.

  2. The story was judged as a 3-3 draw. Aiden's posts were described by three different readers as vanilla and down the middle in terms of entertainment value. Vic's posts were described as exceptional at times and exceptionally difficult to read at others. As one reviewer described it: "I found the excessive and incessant wordiness distracting as a reader. Diction serves a purpose. It should not be the purpose and when abused to this extent, it makes what should be enjoyable anything but." The combination of evinced, surfeit, celerity, invective, verdant, odium, cobalt, vernal, vied, enervated, obdurately, hale, susurration, incongruent, and iridescence became a detractor to the story.

  3. Realism was judged as a 3-4 victory for Aiden. A move by move breakdown is identified in the realism score box above, but the final determination of the score was in Vic's writing of Aiden failing to deliver a fatal blow 2 x times on a seemingly helpless opponent. The first failure was a result of an injured Vic using his +2 telekinesis to grasp a stun baton, activate it, and send it flying into Aiden's back. This all occurs while Aiden has his lightsaber raised over head for the coup de grace. Rather than deliver the killing blow and accept the stun baton (a non-lethal attack) hit to his back, Aiden turns to block the stun baton. The second occurrences happens moments later when Vic raises an artifact described as "nestling within his palm" to deter Dru from delivering a fatal blow or any blow at all. Dru simply lands and is then smashed in the mouth with the artifact. The judges viewed these two failures to attempt a killing blow as out of character for Dru's natural born killer aspect.

  4. Continuity is judged as a 5-4 victory for Invictus. Aiden fails to address Vic dropping his lightsaber in the previous post. It is scored as a 4 because Dru does write taking his eyes off of Vic, which could potentially explain the retrieval of the lightsaber.

The final cumulative score was 3.55 to 3.6 in favor of Aiden Dru. The final score difference is based on the weighting of continuity and realism.

This match was verified by two additional Dark Council members and reviewed for accuracy by a third grader.

As always, please send questions or comments to the Voice/CM.

Hall Fading Light
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants SBL Invictus, DJK Aiden Dru
Winner DJK Aiden Dru
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
SBL Invictus's Character Snapshot Snapshot
DJK Aiden Dru's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Begeren – Desert Wasteland
Last Post 9 June, 2014 3:38 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Mandalorian Declan Roark
Syntax - 15%
Terran Koul Aiden Dru
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: No major errors. 1. Capitalization: Keep it up, the Battlelord thought, The longer he buys the faux bravado, the quicker this will end. 2. No comma: “Sithspit!”, shouted Aiden Rationale: No major errors. 1. Possessive: opponent's, "The sight of blood flowing from his opponents stomach" 2. Rambling sentence: "Aiden looked up to see Invictus’ eyes widen while he tensed up at the sudden intrusion and he noticed the Chiss mouth something unfamiliar just before running toward the pack."
Story - 40%
Terran Koul Aiden Dru
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: 1. I found your story exceptional in some areas and extremely difficult in other areas. Your opponent was down the middle in both of his posts and you were at highs and extreme lows. The verbosity and wordiness of your story detracted from it in a major way. It decreased the enjoyment of the reader and was identified as harmful to your overall story by 3 separate readers. Rationale: 1. Basic story with basic sentences. I did not find anything exceptionally poor about your story or anything exceptionally great about the story. Down the middle.
Realism - 25%
Terran Koul Aiden Dru
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Multiple uses of your character sheet and your opponent's character sheet. Potential miss of divine intervention feat, natural born killer aspect, and overplay of inciting anger in your opponent. 1. Vic usage of his own character sheet. Vic usage of Aiden’s character sheet to incite anger? Could not find anything on Aiden’s sheet that indicated he was prone to anger or to responding to taunts. Aiden writes his character as smirking at the taunts in his initial post. 2. Vic defensive move: Invictus uses his cloak to disarm Aiden: Invictus: +3 Athletics, +2 Perception, +1 subterfuge, +4 precog, +4 amplification, reflexive counter, lightning reflexes. Aiden: +2 blunt weapons, +2 dual wielding, +3 precog, Kneecapper. Defense judged as passable, but tricky. 3. Vic usage of Aiden’s character sheet. Repulsor razor. 4. Vic attack. See previous skill set. No issues with attack. 5. Vic, dual wielding. Ambidextrous. +4 bladed weapons. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Attack scored as possible. 6. Vic attacks. Attack blocked. Vic uses Aiden’s character sheet, RAGE. No issues. 7. Vic writes himself wounded. Aiden utilizes reflexive counter. No issues. 8. Vic mind trick, +1, fails on Aiden’s mental defenses, resolve. 9. Aiden is ready for the killing blow. Lightsaber lifted over his head. A wounded Vic uses telekinesis to grasp a stun baton located in another section of the room, turn it on, and send it hurtling into Aiden. Aiden, a natural born killer, decides to block the incoming baton attack rather than simply cutting vic down. 10. Second killing blow moment. Aiden passes up igniting his saber to defend or attack at an alternate angle. Eats an artifact to the face. Problematic for a natural born killer to pass up a killing blow on a 2nd attempt. Rationale: Multiple uses of your character sheet and your opponent's character sheet. 1. Usage of perception in the discovery of the artifact. 2. Usage of character sheet to describe Aiden and Vic. 3. Usage of Vic's "do you like apples" aspect. 4. Usage of opponent's feats, bladed weapons, athleticism. 5. Attack: Usage of Kneecapper and associated feats. Usage of opponents reflexive counter. 6. Use of Vic’s character sheet. Beast control.
Continuity - 20%
Terran Koul Aiden Dru
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues identified. Rationale: One potential mistake from your final post. 1. When did Vic pick his saber back up?
Terran Koul's Score: 3.55 Aiden Dru's Score: 3.6
Posts

Begeren. Once a prosperous Sith world, it has been the site of numerous battles throughout the millennia. Grand halls and monuments were torn down and re-purposed by looting Republic forces thousands of years ago, before they were driven from the planet. Isolated settlements still dot the planet's surface, but the inhospitable, craggy, and desert-like terrain, along with the beasts common to many desert and Sith worlds, have kept most humanoids from colonizing. Occasional skirmishes have left debris scattered throughout the desert, and battles were fought here as recently as the Galactic Civil War. The planet is now under the control of the One Sith and is rumored to be full of all manner of priceless, ancient Sith artifacts.

The Dark Council has pushed forth to Begeren and the Grand Master, on his quest for ever more powerful items, has decreed the Clans and Houses seize anything of value. The unity shown by the Brotherhood during the beginning of this Crusade is fracturing, with the Clans and Houses growing tired and frustrated with the seemingly endless succession of battles. Tempers are flaring between former allies, with outright aggression no longer uncommon. Despite this, you have responded to the Grand Master's call—though whether it's to actually seize the items for the Brotherhood, destroy them, or use them for your own purposes, only you know.

You have followed the call of the Force to a stretch of desert wasteland, seemingly unremarkable save for the various rock outcroppings that dot the landscape. These outcroppings, though, hide a subterranean cave network, known to be a den of wraids. Though the entrances to the caverns are typically narrow and dark, these tunnels quickly widen. Below the surface, bioluminescent plants and lichen provide limited light.

You know that, despite reaching this place first, you won’t be alone for long, as an ancient Sith tomb is located deep within the caves the wraids now call home. Exactly what you’ll find in that tomb, you’re not sure—but it is something of great power, that much you can sense. You know it is your duty to find it, whatever it is, before any others can locate it. What you do with it when you find it… that is up to you.

As you near one of the entrances to the caves, you think you hear the sounds of footsteps, or maybe skittering, down below—and above ground, you hear the distant crunch of rock underfoot as someone else has found a different rocky cave entrance as well.

The heat had become unbearable as Aiden continued his trek across the barren desert. Spotting a nearby rock, he decided to take a moment to cool off in the scarce amount of shade it provided. Aiden shut his eyes as he sat back against the rock. Sweat dripped down his eyebrow as he tried to imagine himself being elsewhere.

Aiden chuckled as he thought to himself, I’m beginning to understand why the Elders of Taldryan didn’t come after this artifact themselves. They could care less if I don’t survive the harsh heat of this planet, but I bet they are just sitting on their thrones laughing, taking bets on whether I’ll make it back to Karufr in one piece.

Dusting himself off as he stood up, Aiden scanned the desert and noticed the other rocks were scattered in a peculiar pattern. It seemed as if they were arranged that way purposely, maybe as a means to hide something. He took a moment and walked around what he assumed to be an ordinary rock. There was a crack in the side of the rock. Aiden was lithe enough to squeeze through the crack and into a darkened cavern. His eyes strained to see further than a meter while he wandered the cave. Aiden withdrew his batons and used them to feel his way through the dimly lit hall. The echoes of his batons tapping against the wall grew louder as the cave began to widen. Out of the corner of his eye, Aiden noticed a faint green glow on the ground and decided to investigate.

He got within four meters of what he thought was a plant before he heard the sound of footsteps close behind. Aiden quickly activated his stun batons and turned around so that he could see his stalker. Ready to attack, Aiden stood firmly as he watched a Chiss adorned in a golden cloak step into the faint green glow that provided a slow pulsing light. Aiden saw the gold emblem of Arcona on the Chiss’ cloak and smiled, realizing a fight was sure to begin.

The Chiss brought his hands up into attack position, revealing two echani daggers. He nodded his head in Aiden’s direction, quipping, “I look forward to bathing my knives in your blood.”

The Chiss and Aiden ran toward each other, both confident that they would be the victor of this fight. Aiden lifted his right arm up and forcefully brought it down just as the Chiss came within range. The Arconan Chiss had rolled to the left avoiding the strike and returned with a slash above Aiden’s hip. As Aiden stared down at his newly acquired cut he couldn’t help but crack a smile. His opponent barely nicked him, but Aiden knew this wasn’t an accident.

“Well, there’s still a couple things you could learn before I dispose of you.” Aiden was somewhat surprised as the Chiss continued to speak. “It appears you haven’t heard of me. No matter, I’m Invictus and I’ll be your mentor for the remainder of your pathetic existence.”

Aiden laughed and shook his head in disapproval before spinning around to strike Invictus in the knee, briefly flooring him and leaving an opening for another baton strike. Just as Aiden brought his baton down for another strike, Invictus had begun to roll backward before springing back to his feet.

Mandalorian Declan Roark, 12 June, 2014 11:21 PM UTC

No major issues with this post. It is very vanilla. Sentence structure is basic. No majors errors identified.

The Chiss regained his footing and leapt at his opponent, daggers held wide and ready to scissor towards the Human’s jugular, as he suppressed a grin at the warring annoyance and glee on Aiden’s features. A steady patter of condensed moisture dripping from the stalactites overhead beat a counterpoint to the staccato rhythm that filled the cavern. Keep it up, the Battlelord thought, The longer he buys the faux bravado, the quicker this will end. Enjoyment plainly writ on his boyish features, the Taldryanite quick-stepped back from the blow; his batons clanged together around the crossed daggers and he turned his shoulder towards the older Sith, pushing to force the pair apart.

“Youthful exuberance will only take you so far, whelp!” Outrage at the Arconan’s words, eloquently evinced by the scowl falling across Aiden’s visage, was indication enough that Invictus’ tactic was working. Urging the Knight on with a wave of his daggers, the Chiss reached for one more jibe calculated to stoke the Journeyman’s fury. “Really, I thought Halcyon trained his people well enough to at least draw blood before being beaten to a pulp.”

Without a moment’s pause, the Warden lunged at Invictus, stun baton extended to jam into the Arconan’s gut. Ordinarily, the lithe Human’s surfeit of speed would have snuck through an opponent’s defenses, doubling them over the shocking blow - Invictus hated being ordinary. Reacting with celerity fueled by the Force, the Battlelord dropped the dagger in his right hand, shrugged his cloak from his left shoulder, and whipped it towards his opponent. Deftly aimed, the fabric wrapped itself around the baton; a single, sharp jerk ripped it from the Human’s hands and sent both it and the cloak skirring into the cavernous shadows that surrounded the duo.

Lifting his Sapphire Blade from its sheath, the Chiss shuffled his weapons into opposite hands and turned his side to his opponent, narrowing his profile and hefting his blades defensively. Invective flew from the younger man’s lips as a repulsor razor flew from his hand, aimed unerringly at the Arconan’s knee. Mere moments before it struck, the Battlelord dove into a somersault, narrowly avoiding the missile’s hobbling flight. Invictus tucked and rolled to his feet, twirling back to face his opponent and preparing to launch himself at Aiden. The Human, however, had taken advantage of the distraction and his now-drawn lightsaber threatened to put Invictus once more on the defensive.

Anger welled within the Chiss and lent ferocity to his defense as the Taldryanite barreled towards him. Nettled by the protracted exchange, Invictus met the rush with annoyance and abandon, ducking below a slash from the Knight’s verdant saber. Damn, I’m getting too old for this poodoo!, he thought, as he turned the oncoming stun baton to the side and stabbed his remaining echani dagger into the smaller man’s bicep.

“Sithspit!”, shouted Aiden, stumbling back several steps, his left hand dropping the stun baton and grasping at the blade embedded in his flesh. He ripped it hurriedly from his arm, drawing on the Force to shunt aside the pain. Odium plain on his cobalt features, Invictus ignited his own lightsaber and closed the distance between them. Vernal enthusiasm vied with caution, and won, as the Chiss swept his saber at the bloodied Knight. Enervated by blood loss and dehydration, the Taldryanite nonetheless batted aside the sapphire saber angling for his solar plexus.

Invictus plunged his Sapphire Blade into the Human’s thigh instead. Tearing it free - and regretting that it seemed to have missed the femoral artery - the Arconan glared impassively at the weakened Knight, as if offering him the opportunity to surrender.

Unsteady on his feet, Aiden met the blue-skinned Sith glare for glare; then, as if in sheer defiance of his own wounds, the corners of his lips turned up in a grin. “Perhaps,” the Chiss murmured softly, admiration for the Journeyman’s tenacity creeping into his voice, “They do make them like they used to.”

Yearning just shy of outright lust had suffused the Grand Master’s orders to recover the cavern’s mysterious artifact and Invictus knew it was only a matter of time before more would-be spelunkers found the entrance, further complicating the relic’s retrieval. Obdurately ignoring his own growing sympathy for the Knight, the Battlelord sprang towards Aiden, lightsaber extended to skewer the younger man through the heart. Unwavering, the Human stood his ground before the oncoming blow, summoning his rage and focusing it along the path of the thrust. Resistance, unlooked for, stopped the blade short and sent Invictus stumbling back from his opponent.

Aiden seized on the opening, lunging forward and dipping his lightsaber beneath the Arconan’s own. Sizzling plasma seared through the Chiss’ lightly-armored bodysuit, burning away skin and flesh and ripping a strangled shout from the older man’s lungs as he collapsed to the rocky ground. Sprawled on the cavern floor, Invictus’ sapphire lightsaber slipped from his fingers as his hand slapped over the wound in his belly, staunching the flow of blood as he struggled to regain his footing.

Mandalorian Declan Roark, 14 June, 2014 6:07 PM UTC
  1. Capitalization: Keep it up, the Battlelord thought, The longer he buys the faux bravado, the quicker this will end.
  2. Evinced, surfeit, celerity, invective, verdant, odium, cobalt, vernal, vied, enervated, and obdurately. Verbosity is required in academic prose, but commonly frowned upon in story telling. Three separate readers felt the inclusion of "25 cent" words harmed the entertainment and value of the overall story.
  3. At one point I thought I was reading V's speech to Evey.

Aiden’s eyes widened as he walked toward Invictus. The sight of blood flowing from his opponents stomach sent a feeling of intoxication through him. But as Aiden lifted his arm to strike, the ground jolted abruptly and he stumbled into a nearby wall behind Invictus. Stalactites began shaking and falling to the ground, alerting Aiden that this particular region of Begeren was experiencing a ground quake.

As Aiden turned to finish Invictus, his eyes widened. The Arconan had regained his footing and directed the blue blade in Aiden’s direction. They circled the area just as the quake began to pick up. Aiden noticed that Invictus had managed to cease the blood flow and seal the wound he received earlier. The combatants had stumbled slightly before regaining balance and striking out. Their lightsabers collided and lit the cave up. Invictus brought his knee into Aiden’s gut ending the brief clash.

Invictus swung his lightsaber to deliver a killing blow but a stalactite fell in between the two just interrupting the strike. The ground rumbled with immense force, an aroused pack of wraids scurrying out suddenly from the darkness. Aiden looked up to see Invictus’ eyes widen while he tensed up at the sudden intrusion and he noticed the Chiss mouth something unfamiliar just before running toward the pack. Turning his head back toward the fleeing pack of wraids Aiden noticed the alpha had a scroll in its mouth. He stuck his leg out in hopes of tripping the Chiss, but Invictus only stumbled and continued running.

Aiden rose to his feet and gave chase to Invictus and the wraids. He had to focus deeply just to keep the wound in his left leg from hindering him. The ache he felt as his left foot hit the floor had grown numb allowing Aiden to amplify his speed and catch up to Invictus. They chased the wraids through a maze of tunnels that led into another cavernous room with a similar entry way. Invictus stopped suddenly, smashing his foot into Aiden’s thigh and sending him to the floor.

He blinked his eyes slowly while his head rang. All he could see was Invictus kneel in front of the alpha and pluck the scroll from its mouth before patting it on the head and heading for the exit. He just got away with that so easily, I don’t understa— Aiden’s thought process was cut short when a stalactite fell and pierced through his left arm, pinning him to the ground.

“Frak!!” Aiden let a shout ring through the caves, which had reminded the wraids of his presence. Seeing no other means of escape, Aiden reached out with the Force to pull his lightsaber into his right hand and cut into his own arm. Another shout, even louder and more horrible than before, rang through the caves as Aiden freed himself and fell backward. He was free, but it didn’t matter for the caves entrance had become blocked off due to the crumbling caused by the ever increasing groundquake.

Invictus had escaped with the artifact leaving Aiden with one arm sitting in a puddle of his own blood. He managed to force one last smile out as the wraids leapt toward him and began tearing into his flesh.

Mandalorian Declan Roark, 14 June, 2014 6:14 PM UTC
  1. Possessive: opponent's, "The sight of blood flowing from his opponents stomach"
  2. Rambling sentence: "Aiden looked up to see Invictus’ eyes widen while he tensed up at the sudden intrusion and he noticed the Chiss mouth something unfamiliar just before running toward the pack."
  3. You cut your own arm off only to die. Interesting twist.

Seared flesh and muscle screamed in protest as the Chiss rose to a knee, one hand flat against the rocky floor to steady himself. The diminutive Knight loomed over him now, his pale skin lit a sickly green as his emerald lightsaber mixed with the artifact’s glow and washed across the hard planes of his features. Invictus imagined himself as hale and hearty - knew it to be true - and hurled the impression at the Taldryanite as he forced a half-strangled groan from between clenched teeth. He could practically see the idea shatter, dashed upon the rocks of Aiden’s mental defenses.

A tight smile, tinged with shades of disappointment, quirked the corners of the Human’s lips as he tilted his lightsaber for an overhand blow that would skewer the Arconan. It’s a shame his masters didn’t temper that thrill with wisdom, mused Invictus, stretching out his hand as if pleading for a stay of execution. He has no idea he’s being played.

Aiden drew his saber back slowly, savoring his well-earned victory over a vastly superior foe. He paused a moment, memorizing the sight of the Battlelord kneeling before him. Mortally wounded though he might be - why else would the Chiss try to use the Force to convince him otherwise? - he dared not delay too long before striking the killing blow and absconding with the artifact. The Arconan’s hand wavered as if weak or palsied.

Then Invictus crooked his fingers and a vicious grin lit his harsh visage.

The Taldryanite reacted in an instant, his alacrity a credit to his training. But the damage was already done. A humming filled the air as Invictus tugged at the Knight’s discarded stun baton, pulling it towards the pair with startling speed. Aiden tried to turn towards the projectile, intent on deflecting it with his saber, but Invictus surged forward as he did so. Caught between two courses of action - like sinew stretched too taut between bones, neither able to move freely - Aiden gasped as the now-activated stun baton slammed into his lower back and sent tendrils of current surging through his nerves. The older Sith’s leap connected, shoulder slamming into the Human’s gut and forcing the air from his lungs. Aiden doubled over, wheezing, as his lightsaber fell from his fingers and clattered, deactivated, to the stony ground.

Invictus turned away from his stunned opponent, two long strides bringing him to the artifact that had brought them both so far and nearly cost him his life. He shook his head ruefully as he crouched to retrieve it, amazed that what appeared to be little more than a rock covered with phosphorescent lichen could engender such greed in the Dark Council. Its surface was smooth, belying the appearance of glowing moss, and it warmed faintly as it nestled in his palm. He was pulled from his inspection by a susurration of caution tingling along the base of his spine. The Chiss stretched out with the Force, expanding his vision to encompass his immediate surroundings.

He saw, then, that the Knight had regained both his footing and his lightsaber. A Force-enhanced flip devoured the distance between the pair and a rictus of pain and hunger painted the younger man’s face as he angled towards Invictus’ turned back. It was clear he was waiting until the last moment to activate his lightsaber, so as not to give warning of his attack. The Arconan’s lightsaber still lay where it had clattered to the ground, far out of reach, and his Sapphire Blade would provide little defense against the pillar of plasma the Human would bring to bear.

Fueled by instinct and desperation, the Chiss tightened his grip on the luminescent artifact and spun toward his attacker. He held the artifact in front of him, interposing it between himself and his foe. It was no bulwark against the emerald blade, but it served to implant doubt and concern in his foe’s mind. Invictus could read the contention on the Taldryanite’s face. They had traveled interstellar distances at the command of the Brotherhood’s Grand Master, spent what felt like an eternity trekking across unmarked desert expanses, and fought tooth and nail - all to recover the relic. Destroying it would be unconscionable. Aiden landed, lightsaber still unlit, and paused in indecision. Invictus didn’t.

The Arconan lashed out, slamming the glimmering rock into the Human’s teeth, shattering them mercilessly. Aiden’s finger twitched reflexively, trying to reach his lightsaber’s actuator and impale the Chiss. Invictus had other plans. He slid to the left, angling his right flank away from the smaller man and slamming his Sapphire Blade upwards, midway along his opponent’s back. It lodged between two of the vertebrae, severing the Human’s spinal cord and dropping him to the ground in a heap.

Invictus knelt above Aiden, doing his best to ignore the rivulet of blood from his opponent’s ruined mouth and pitiful gurgling that was as close to a moan of distress as the battered Taldryanite could make. He raised the blood-spattered artifact, turning it to and fro, watching the way its light altered as it played across the Knight’s broken features.

“Don’t worry,” he murmured comfortingly, his soft voice incongruent with the situation. The compassion that lit his eyes seemed to match his tone. “I’ll make sure it gets delivered to the Iron Throne. You’ve earned a rest.”

A glimmer of hope and gratitude flitted across the Journeyman’s features. Then the stone fell again, repeatedly, crushing even that faint twinkle until its pale, green iridescence was the only light that remained.

Mandalorian Declan Roark, 14 June, 2014 6:28 PM UTC
  1. Hale, susurration, incongruent, and iridescence. Verbosity.