Knight Zujenia vs. Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana

Knight Zujenia

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Force Disciple, Shadow
vs.

Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
Comment

You two had to make this difficult didn't you? No, you guys had to just be twin balls of awesomeness wrapped in feisty drive. I could write an essay here about all the things that were done right in this match, but... well, neither of you want to sit throw all that and this is a section for summary.

So, I'll summarize. This was a fantastic match without much to really pick at. The downsides came from easily missed errors in Syntax, and near perfection of writing. The pair of you showed a deep understanding of setting, character, and story. It was a treat to read in its entirety and, as evident by the scores, a tie in almost every way. There was no one section that could be pointed to as tipping the scale in either direction.

In fact, it took a concentrated review by multiple Judges in order to attribute the moniker of winner. So, I will explain what contributed to that conclusion. Story. Really, that is the long and short of it. Story means different things to different people, but what was beyond dispute was just how completely Kordath managed to hook the reader with his opening post. It was entertaining and carried the reader from sentence to sentence while instilling the "want" to keep reading. That isn't to say that Zujenia's writing wasn't good. In fact, it very much was. The difference is, that Kordath knocked it out of the park with that first post, while all remaining posts were just "good" in comparison to its bar, and that includes Kord's own follow up post.

With that in mind, the winner by way of the most minuscule of margins, is Kordath Bleu d'Tana, and it could have gone the other way in the blink of an eye.

Hall Sins of the Past -Episode II [Clan Arcona]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [Sins of the Past] [Episode II] ACC Race
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Zujenia, Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana
Winner Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Zujenia's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Jakku: Fallen Starship
Last Post 21 July, 2016 9:21 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Darth Renatus
Syntax - 15%
General Stres'tron'garmis Proconsul Diyrian "Diy" Grivna
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A few easily missed errors, refer to the comments. Rationale: A few easily missed errors, refer to the comments.
Story - 40%
General Stres'tron'garmis Proconsul Diyrian "Diy" Grivna
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You set the tone wonderfully in your first post and held that tone throughout. Your ending was a touch convenient and could have done with more foreshadowing earlier on. Rationale: Really good job here in maintaining the tone of the story in conjunction with Kordath's posts. You described the action really well and had a natural progression to it.
Realism - 25%
General Stres'tron'garmis Proconsul Diyrian "Diy" Grivna
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: None that stood out. Rationale: None that stood out.
Continuity - 20%
General Stres'tron'garmis Proconsul Diyrian "Diy" Grivna
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: None that stood out. Rationale: None that stood out.
General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.45 Proconsul Diyrian "Diy" Grivna's Score: 4.45
Posts

Jakku Fallen Starship

A year after the destruction of the second Death Star in the celebrated Battle of Endor, another war was waged between the New Republic and Galactic Empire. Basking beneath the desert sun of Jakku rests the remnants of this hostility. Shifting sands have since buried and uncovered countless treasures and relics- to the delight of scavengers eager who hope to recover tokens from either side of the conflict!

The harsh desert offers little shelter from the elements, remaining barren and flat against the imposing backdrop of a fallen Star Destroyer that was left uncovered after the famed Battle of Jakku. Rather than allowing the vessel to fall into the hands of the Republic after the self-destruct had been sabotaged, Captain Ciena Ree ordered the Inflictor evacuated and sent it crashing to the planet’s surface. Sunken into the shifting desert sea, the upper portion of the Inflictor’s hull and exhaust ports remain otherwise intact, preserved amidst the rubble of untold casualties that had once occurred on both sides. Although it has been scoured by the passing of several sandstorms, it still displays the former power and might of the Galactic Empire.

Fallen Starship

Innumerous scraps of metal and machines of war share the same grave, echoing the lives of those who fought and died among the perilous wastes. Hundreds of these relics sit untouched, lingering amidst the ghosts that tend and reside in Jakku’s graveyard.

It was hot. Even inside the wreckage of the fallen ship it was uncomfortably warm to Kordath Bleu. His coat lay draped over a crate nearby, the collar of his shirt was unbuttoned and sleeves pushed up to his elbows. Still it was too much. Shadow Gate had been sent to this sand ball for some kind of recovery mission, though Bleu was sketchy on the details. The Gate Wardeness hadn’t been very clear, which was just like the manic, psychotic Twi’lek.

You’ll know when ya find it, he thought in mocking tones as he pushed debris around, trying to uncover a console.

He wasn’t a fan of Jakku so far. Just sand, sand everywhere - it was coarse, rough and irritating. And it was in bloody everything. The Ryn growled as he dragged the remains of a light fixture that had fallen from the ceiling off the console and found...nothing, again. Stripped bare of parts by scavengers.

“Why tha kark are we even here?!” he shouted in frustration.

“Because that’s the mission,” came a tired reply from behind him. The Ryn felt foolish as he glanced over his shoulder at his teammate. They’d been paired off when the team had made it to the site, their boss lady had a weird grin about her when she’d assigned the two of them. He wondered idly how much K’tana knew about what had happened after the Shadow Gate party a few weeks back as he watched Zujenia work. Realizing he wasn’t doing anything but humming to himself and watching her move, he coughed and turned back to find his next bit of work.

“Well it’s silly, there’s a bleedin’ war goin’ on and they sent us out here. I mean, ya know I’m not exactly one fer fightin’ but still, feels wrong ta be away.”

“Are you going to keep complaining about this? It’s been the same thing the last two hours out of you, don’t you have anything else to talk about?”

She was right, he’d been whining almost continually since they made planetfall. On the other hand, any other topic he’d like to bring up with the Half Ryn girl...woman, he thought, glancing over at her again, were primed for a fight. Probably. Maybe. The heat must have been getting to him as he cocked his head to the side while she dug through a pile of debris, her white hair pulled back to keep it out of the way.

“Can I help you, Bleu?”

He blinked and realized she was staring at him over her shoulder, amber eyes drilling into him.

“Uhh, just, uhhh...uhh,” he stuttered, put on the spot and uncharacteristically finding himself short on words. Panic caused his first real kark up of the afternoon. “Why da ya feel tha need ta hide yer tail, luv?”

Wait, what?

“What?” she replied, her tone even and devoid of emotion. He was also pretty sure she hadn’t blinked.

“Just, uh, ya know, it’s just I do nae get it,” he gave her a little wave with his own tail as well as a shrug. “This lot is more or less used ta mine these days, don’t see why ya feel tha need ta hide it while workin’. Or at all, really, but that’s yer business.”

“You’re right, it is my business.” She turned back to the piled she was working through.

Way ta go, idiot. Oh, how bout ya keep talking, that’ll fix everythin’

Uncertain how to proceed, the Ryn ran a hand through his sweat drenched hair, causing it to stand up in disarray. With a sigh, he walked over to where she was and knelt down, shuffling bits of junk around in an effort to look busy.

“I did nae mean nothin’ by it, Zuj, I just... I don’t see why ya can’t be comfortable around me, at least. I mean, ya got nothin’ I ain’t seen before.”

Excuse me?” came the hissed reply.

“Tha...tail, luv, I mean tha tail,” he said quickly. “Besides,” now he tried to give her a grin, she was watching from the corner of her eye, he was certain, “ya saw a lot more of me after that party than I ever saw of you, shouldn’t I be the uncomfortable one?”

Now she turned to look at him, golden eyes alight. “Thought we agreed that night never happened.” Not a question.

“Nothin’ happened, ya had a wee bit ta much ta drink, I let ya crash at my place. Dunno why that’s some kinda problem, lass, I’m rather fond of ya ya...know…” he stopped and swallowed, realizing his mouth had gotten away from his brain once more.

She grabbed him by his beard, something that the Force had screamed at him was about to happen but he found himself too mortified with himself to react in time. “I woke up in your bed without a stitch on. With you wandering around without a shirt making caf and looking smug. And you had the nerve to tell me that I, I made a pass at you the night before,” she hissed at him, her tones low and her face darkening. Kord didn’t think it was from the heat.

He gaped, ignoring the discomfort of his beard being grasped so tightly, staring at her as she berated him for something he’d had little, if any, control over. “By tha gods yer a pretty one when yer angry, ain’t ya?”

Wait, what? No, idiot, no.

This time, not even the Force could have saved him despite the warnings, now with the grip she had on his beard when her amber eyes flashed. She slapped him, hard enough that when the stars faded, he saw her shaking the hand as if it stung.

“Sorry, that just kinda, uhh, came out. I’ll- I’ll go work over in tha other corner, yeah?”

He stood, taking her silence as a sign that he should move on before he messed things up anymore than he had. Nothing had happened that night, well, she’d made a pass at him, but she’d been bloody sloshed. The third member of their little trio that night had attested to his behavior that night, that he’d put her to bed and not done anything untoward. She’d chased him about the apartment when he’d remarked on her ability in the kissing department, finally making him swear not to bring it up again.

As he turned away he glanced down at her again, hoping he could think up some way to salvage...whatever it was they had between them before he karked it entirely. His tail lashed in irritation and he heard a yelp behind him right before his feet were swept out from under him.

“Did you just swat me on the rear with that thing?”

He tried to say it was an accident but found himself instead rolling across the uneven decking to avoid her boots. “Luv, it was- wait, gah!” he shouted as he tried to regain his feet, catching a heel to his gut for his efforts, knocking the breath from him.

Kordath held his midsection and groaned as he saw the tanned, white haired woman stalk towards a corner of the room, wondering why she was...oh.

That’s where she’d put her gear, he realized, as the electro staff thrummed to life.

“We need to talk about your manners.”

Pretty sure I’ve had this dream, but I don’t think it hurt this much when I did, he thought, rolling over to push himself up from the sand-covered, metal deck.

“Too late for sorry, eh?” he asked with a sigh. “Can’t this wait till we’re back somewhere cooler, luv? This place is miserable.”

Her staff buzzed like a swarm of angry insects as it whipped past his head, yanking several strands of Bleu’s hair as he scrambled out of the way.

“Guess that’s a no,” he muttered.

Darth Renatus, 24 July, 2016 4:41 PM UTC

Syntax

Still it was too much.

Should use a comma after "still" for flow.

the manic, psychotic Twi’lek.

Manic is a form of psychosis, making this repetitious.

the warnings, now with the grip she had on his beard when her amber eyes flashed.

"Now" doesn't quite fit the context or flow here, "not" would have been better, even if repetitious with "not even the Force" preceding it.

Story

I'd just like to say I love everything about this set-up. I was entertained and engaged throughout. Nicely done.

Zujenia spun the electrostaff as she advanced upon the backpedalling Ryn, her loosely rolled sleeves threatening to unravel with the motion. Sliding her feet forward, she twisted her torso around, sending the crackling staff into a wide, controlled arc, well aimed at Kordath’s abdomen. The Seer curved his body about the weapon’s path, leaving it to slice through open space, his tail flexing to aid his balance.

Tsk!

The Half-Ryn hissed through her teeth, Kord’s elusiveness as a target was rubbing raw on her. Zujenia was just frankly done with it all. The heat had started to get to her, her exhaustion and stress adding to it. If that wasn’t all, she swore she had sand in places she most definitely didn’t want. The Shadow had pressed onward in their task for the sole duty of getting it completed. They were assigned a job, they needed to finish it. So, for this nonchalant man to so bluntly bring up that detestable evening while, no less, slacking about, complaining, it was the final straw to fall, the catalyst to her outburst.

Amber eyes burned into Kordath’s grey ones, causing the Rollmaster to swallow before another successful dodge on his part. She watched his gaze dart about, assessing his situation. The consoles and other debris were encroaching onto their path as they neared the far wall of the room they were in.

Gliding swiftly across the decking, Zujenia was determined to get a strike on him. With a fluid movement, the electrostaff raised above her head, whipping down from above. Kordath hopped backwards in response, the Knight following him with a reversal of her forward arm and strong arm, snapping the trailing end of the sparking weapon straight to his gut. The Ryn attempted to twist away from it, yet his heel caught upon a small, discarded piece of machinery, stalling him long enough for the electrostaff to connect with his side.

Kordath propelled backwards, the wall so nicely catching him as the electric shock from the weapon dissipated through his twitching muscles. Zujenia stalked after him, her staff held to the her vertically at her left side, hand gripping it firmly, ready. The Seer threw up his hands in front of his face, a halting gesture, as he pushed off the ground into a more upright position.

“Wait, luv...uh, perhaps’ ye should let me explain, er, maybe put down ye weapon?” He shot a weary grin that somehow manage to pause the hybrid Ryn’s assent upon him.

This...nerfhead!

“Kord! Why, for gods’ sake, won’t you defend yourself? Grow some stinkin’ ba--” Her growling words were cut short with a delayed wave of warning from the Force as the shorter humanoid launched forward, snaking his right arm under the metal pole and clasping onto her dominant arm. With a circular jerk, he wrenched her strong hand off the electrostaff. Kordath swiftly grabbed a hold of her right arm, rotating it back, Zujenia dropped her weapon with a grimace, disarmed.

Spinning with his hold, her muscles tensed in her calf before she pushed off, directing a high kick towards his head. Her own tail stiffened against its bonds as the Force screamed through her nerves. The Half-Ryn’s gaze shot downwards, catching a glimpse of Kord’s leg just prior to him sweeping her leg out from beneath her, heel hooking behind Zuj’s ankle. Onto her arse she goes.

Ooph!

The wind was knocked out of her as her rear skidded on the uneven metal tiles. Zujenia bit her lip to prevent crying out as her unplanned landing kinked her tail bone. She inhaled through her clenched teeth, He’s not...completely incompetent…, she mused before footsteps crunching in the sand past her caught the Knight’s attention.

“Zuj...nothing happened that night.” The seriousness and tiredness in his voice caught her off guard. She turned to him and blinked. “Believe what ye wish, lass, but if ye wanna talk, come see me.”

He pivoted, taking a step towards the entrance of the control room they were in, before continuing, the full-blooded Ryn shot a glance back and winked. Zujenia sat there dumbfounded, still on her arse, as she watched him leave. Her gaze trailed down his lithely built torso, and unto the lightly swaying prehensile tail. It’s motion to and fro settled her in a daze, one she quickly snapped out of with a toss of her head the moment she realized she was staring.

That, that, that...er! Gosh fracking damn it!

Closing her eyes, Zujenia reached into the Force, willing it into her leg muscles. Pushing off, she sprinted with her augmented speed after the Seer, and past him, apparently. Skidding to a stop, the stark haired ponytail plummeting down over her tan-skinned face before being swiftly brushed back, Zujenia spun around to face Kord, unsure of whatever was possessing her to chase him to begin with. The grin on his face was hard to distinguish, a mixture of either, ‘Glad you came, luv,’ or ‘Frack! Is she goin’ to seriously harm or even remove any of me precious, fleshy bits?.’

“Knew you would come runnin’, they always do--”

Aw, now it was coming back to her, she remembered why as her fist connected with the soft texture of his fur-lined chin.

“I wasn’t done fighting you, Bleu!” she snapped, a light accent hugging her words with her anger. Kord clenched his jaw with his left hand, rotating it.

“Fightin’ me? I thought you were teach--” Zujenia swung out again, this time the Ryn ducked below the towering woman’s blow.

Darth Renatus, 24 July, 2016 4:59 PM UTC

Syntax

So, for this nonchalant man to so bluntly bring up that detestable evening while, no less, slacking about, complaining, it was the final straw to fall, the catalyst to her outburst.

May want to look into other forms of punctuation before the commas issue a restraining order. A healthy application of em-dashes in place of a few would help, like so:

So, for this nonchalant man to so bluntly bring up that detestable evening — while slacking about, no less, and complaining — was the final straw to fall, the catalyst to her outburst.

her staff held to the her vertically at her left side

Either you missed "side of" between "the her" or "the" invaded your sentence unbidden.

uh, perhaps’ ye should

The apostrophe on "perhaps" doesn't appear to belong, even in conveying Bleu's accented speech.

Kordath swiftly grabbed a hold of her right arm, rotating it back, Zujenia dropped her weapon with a grimace, disarmed.

Should have swapped out the comma between "back, Zujenia" with a period (full stop). This is more comma abuse.

incompetent…,

Going from ellipses to a comma is a bit awkward, and compounds the punctuation. Should be one or the other.

a mixture of either, ‘Glad you came, luv,’ or ‘Frack! Is she goin’ to seriously harm or even remove any of me precious, fleshy bits?.’

The comma at the start here should be a colon, since you are listing options.

Story

You described the combat really well while retaining the tone of the story thus far, an impressive feat.

Teachin’ me a karkin’ lesson, yup, he thought as he ducked back into the room. She’d clocked him pretty good, and while the Force had been giving him every reason to be wary he’d not been able to read her physically. He’d been certain of only two things, he was gonna get swatted or she was gonna grab him by the shirt and make him a happy, fuzzy little Ryn. Shame it was the former.

When she came at him again he was more prepared. He recognized the way she moved, despite finding the overall a bit distracting. They’d both settled quickly, one leg back and arms forward, but she moved in first. He was still feeling a touch sluggish after the meeting with the wall earlier and the electrostaff, so he chose to simply avoid the opening strike. Her hand slid past where his face would have been, he figured she was going for a hold on his beard once more which would have been effective, the Rollmaster admitted to himself. Her amber eyes widened when she realized she’d over extended and began to pull her arm back. Kordath moved as quick as he could, spinning his body in towards her’s and hooking the arm with his own.

The momentum from the spin helped, along with his lower center of gravity, as he pivoted his hip in and pulled her over it towards the floor. She rolled with it and lifted her own captured arm to trap his, pulling him along for the ride. When they both ended up back on their feet he gave her a grin, the older Ryn genuinely enjoying himself for once. They seemed to be on even footing with their talent when it came to the form, and they both had a natural nimbleness. She had the advantage of youth and not having poisoned herself with years of hard drinking, though, and appeared to be ready to go a dozen rounds. Kord, between the hits taken and the bloody staff, was more ready for a nap.

Time ta buy sometime, he thought as he grinned at the woman. “Shoulda known you’d be a Sliding Hands kinda gal.”

“What does that even mean?” she asked, eyes narrowing to golden slits.

Bleu gave her another smile in turn, “Well I know yer Master, Blinky, is a fan of the art. Whooped me enough times fer me ta go and get some learnin’ of it meself. That and ya know, yer built for it.”

His attempt to catch his breath was foiled once more by his own mouth as he watched Zuj’s eyes pop open and her jaw set. She came at him once more, feinting with her hand in a repeat of her previous opening before hooking her leading leg around his own and shoulder checking him. With their height differences, Kord has mixed feelings about this as he fell and twisted, wrapping his free leg around the one she’d used to hook him and rolling his entire body to bring her down as well. He felt a tingle through the Force as he began to regain his feet, and the Half Ryn came at him with unnatural speed as he was rising from his hands and knees.

“That’s cheatin’, luv!” he managed to shout before she rolled over his back, catching his left arm as she did. Bleu got a good view of the ceiling as he finished her maneuver, throwing him all the way over with the move and landing him on the floor with the wind knocked out of him. His perspective of the ceiling was blocked as the younger woman planted her knees to either side of his chest and raised a hand to, more than likely, smack him in the face. Still trying to catch his breath he reached up to grab her by the hips, intent on somehow rolling them so as to gain some kind of control of the grapple.

Before the Knight could sock him in the face once more they heard a laugh from behind her, at the door. Kordath craned his neck to see past his team mate’s midsection to see the purple, cackling Twi’lek, K’tana that was their boss. Realization set in for both he and Zujenia as to the precarious position they appeared to be in, causing his ears to burn and her face to turn a few shades towards scarlet.

“We found the thing, kiddies, ten minutes to get back to the shuttle or we’ll leave you here!”

“What was the thing!?” shouted Kordath.

“Nuh-uh! You didn’t find it, you don’t get to know!”

“We work for a crazy person,” he heard Zujenia mumble from above him. Suddenly realizing she was still atop him, she scrambled off and straightened her clothes. Kordath lifted himself up by his elbows and grinned as he moved around the room, gathering her gear. She paused as she passed a crate and threw his coat at him, covering his head. He continued to smirk as he got to his feet, slinging the jacket over his shoulder.

“So…”

“Don’t.”

“Ya don’t even know what I was gonna say, lass.”

“You were gonna say something about drinks, or having another night that never happened or something else cheeky!” she shouted, rounding on him, her face flushed. He blinked, getting walked in on like that by K’tana had rattled her more than he’d expected.

With some effort he dropped the grin and gave her a more gentle smile. “Actually, was gonna ask about dinner. Drinks is up to you, course, or we could have another sparrin’ when we get back and I’m proper and fresh. Only got me cause ya stunned me early, ya know?”

“Dinner?” she said aloud, as if rolling the through about in her head. “Wait, I beat you fair and square!”

“Oh, aye, I wasn’t tired or stunned or nothin’, yer right.”

He saw a few things war on her face as he kept a straight face. A muscle around one eye twitched, her ears looked even redder than her face, and he could see a tugging that said she was trying not to smile.

“Let’s just get back to the shuttle. I’m tired of sand,” she turned and walked away. Kordath stood back for a moment and cocked his head in admiration. “And stop staring! You can’t even see my tail!”

“Do nae need ta see it ta appreciate them hips after what just happened,” he murmured.

“What!?”

“Nothin! Let’s go!”

He scurried after her, already trying to come up with somewhere to treat. After his behavior here he was certain he was starting with a handicap.

Darth Renatus, 24 July, 2016 5:14 PM UTC

Syntax

Her hand slid past where his face would have been, he figured she was going for a hold on his beard once more which would have been effective, the Rollmaster admitted to himself.

Should be split into separate sentences.

Time ta buy sometime, he thought as he grinned at the woman.

Probably meant "some time".

With their height differences, Kord has mixed feelings about this as he fell and twisted,

Tense dancing!

ceiling as he finished her maneuver, throwing him all the way over with the move and landing him on the floor with the wind knocked out of him.

"he" finished "her" maneuver? The logistics of this makes me think you meant "she".

to see the purple, cackling Twi’lek, K’tana that was their boss.

Should have a comma after K'tana since it is referring to who the Twi'lek is.

and grinned as he moved around the room, gathering her gear.

Again, I think you meant "she".

He saw a few things war on her face as he kept a straight face.

Repetition of "face".

Story

Having K'tana interrupt them feels a touch convenient, despite mentioning that the team had been sent to Jakku in your opening post. A bit more foreshadowing would have helped with this, making it clear that they were all working in the same area for instance.

“Crickey, woman, ye ever gonna make up yer mind?” Kord jumped backwards as the onslaught of gloved punches continued, tail flicking with every leap. Zujenia growled before sinking into a deeper, lower gravity stance, her amber eyes flashing, beckoning the Ryn forward.

“Kord, stop yaking and fight me!” She snapped, white brows furrowing. The Seer sighed and gave his goatee a stroke before settling into his own stance, mirroring the younger Arconan’s, his right leg back opposed to her left.

“Since ye requested it.” Grey eyes locked Zujenia’s own stern, fighting ones, the trigger to the cyclone of movement that sprang forward in the damaged, steel paneled hall.

Zujenia aimed another punch at the man’s chest, it was struck and rotated away by Kord’s wrist. Her trained eyes caught his opposite arm moving in to likely lock and throw her, adjusting her weight quickly, she kicked out, forcing the Rollmaster to block it.

For several moments, the two Gate Keepers exchanged and defended blows, their motion one circular exhibit. A punch here is caught by two open hands, rotated and released, followed by the defendant’s own fist. Arms tossed to the side by swift grips to the elbow before the other twists the grappler’s own away. Kicks aimed at the knees, shins, and thighs forced the target into focusing on their footwork, their attacker trying to draw their attention away from protecting their torsos. Waves of warning screamed against the two sparrers’ nerves constantly as the Force aided them.

During a series of attacks towards Kord’s upper body, Zujenia spotted an opening. She guided an open handed blow out and away from her body, circling her wrist to grab a hold of his arm. Pulling forward, the Half-Ryn bent her knee and, twisting her hips into his trapped limb, aimed a well placed kick to his side. Kordath stumbled backwards a few steps, coughing as the wind was knocked out of him.

Not giving him a moment to recover, Zujenia followed after the Seer, the balls of her feet sliding forward just off the ground. She spun, the stark ponytail upon her head arching out with the motion, weighed by a small metal band, and causing Kord to lean backwards to avoid the hard object. Zujenia followed her unintentional hair whip with an open palm towards his shoulder, barely knocked away by the off-balanced Ryn before it could connect.

Limbs bouncing away from the redirection of others, the sparring continued. Their martial dance disturbed the micro sand dunes beneath their soles, creating a rising dust cloud that settled on their clothing, skin, hair, and fur. Swipes, swats, kicks, punches, each was countered with a smooth execution of skill. Their faces met with the burning intensity and thrill that rose from such intimate sparring.

It was during one of these glances that Kordath shot a disarming grin at Zujenia, one that pulled at his white mustache. Taken off guard, she misjudged the timing of a block, the Rollmaster’s hand successfully gripping her wrist as result. Using his other arm to provide leverage, Kord threw the Ryn hybrid off balance, allowing him to spin her around and lock her in a choke hold with ease despite her taller stature.

“Shall we call it here, luv?” he asked, tail waving behind him as he panted. The two were evenly matched in martial combat, yet endurance was not the older Ryn’s game, nor did that good hit he took to his side help any. Zujenia fought back a shiver from the warmth of his breath on her neck, the grey fur of his forearms tickling her throat.

Refusing to step down, the Knight stomped backwards, the blunt impact of her heel loosened his hold on her. Wrapping her hands over his forearm, she twisted away, wrenching herself from his grip. As soon as Zujenia was free, she pushed off the ground, wrapping her legs around Kordath’s torso, her weight and momentum plummeting him onto his stomach. Still trapping his arm, she pushed ever so slightly on it, just enough to drive his face into the metal decking as he winced.

“I don’t know, Bleu, should we call it?” the Half-Ryn sneered, high off of both the adrenaline and inflicting her annoyance upon him.

“I’m...not sure, luv. The view is a bit nice from here.”

Tsk!

Zujenia dared to glanced down at Kordath and, seeing where his eyes were focused, she snarled. Releasing her thighs’ death grip, she rolled down his form, planting her feet into his back to catapult the Seer into the air. His flight was short lived when he crashed into the opposite wall of the hallway, followed by a wrenching, creaking, and crashing sound.

With a stiff, raised eyebrow, the Shadow rocked onto her feet and carefully explored the large, now panelless hole in the hall. As the sand and dust settled, Zujenia spotted Kord sprawled onto the steel wall sheeting, his leg twitching, but the groan emitted when prodded alerted to her that he was still alive. Blinking her eyes to adjust to the even darker lighting within this new space, she stepped over her search partner and examined the area. Boxes and crates filled the room from floor to ceiling, aisles linked into a form of labyrinth, weaving and dead-ending around even more totes.

Tan fingers trailed across the shelvings, coming up covered in dust as Zujenia stalked through the room. A flash of light caught her attention. She dug into a nearby box and pulled out a rusty but vibrant holocube. Tossing it lightly in her hand, Zujenia returned to Kord, who was still prostrated on the ground. She withdrew a small whiskey bottle that had been tucked into the back of his pants and settle against the metal wall. .

Uncorking it, Zujenia took a swig of the amber liquid, her darker colored eyes watching as the man before her pulled himself onto his hands and knees, slowly adjusting his position into a sitting one. Her gaze didn’t waver as he brushed debris off his clothing, wincing slightly when he shifted his shoulder. She almost laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of their fight, it was cut short by her own setting stiffness. Although the full blooded Ryn had always been respected a good bit by Zujenia, their sparring increased it trifold. Kordath was a formidable martial artist, something one would not realize when looking down upon his general buffoonery, eyes and body honed for fighting.

“Luv,” Kord’s thickly accented voice broke her stare, his head was leaning against the wall as he gestured towards her. “that be me whiskey ye drinkin’.”

Zujenia downed another swig before stretching the bottle out to him. He grasped it firmly, tail flicking in thanks. Settling into the steel surface behind her, the Shadow held up the holocube, circling it around a few times, her heart jumping at the shine to its metallic design.

“I think we found what we were ordered to.” She mused, even flashing a light smile towards Kordath. He grinned and a small duet of chuckles filled the space between them.

Darth Renatus, 24 July, 2016 5:25 PM UTC

Syntax

stop yaking and fight me

Should be "yakking".

Her trained eyes caught his opposite arm moving in to likely lock and throw her, adjusting her weight quickly, she kicked out, forcing the Rollmaster to block it.

Should be broken up into two sentences.

Zujenia dared to glanced down at Kordath and

Should be "dared to glance".

of his pants and settle against the metal wall. .

Should be "settled" and your punctuation seems to be playing around at the end of the sentence.

the Shadow held up the holocube, circling it around a few times.

Not sure why you used italics here.

Story

The ending is a bit abrupt, making it somewhat unsatisfying.