Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana vs. Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona

Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
vs.

Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona

Equite 1, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Kaleesh, Sith, Juggernaut, Obelisk
Comment

I just wanted to say that after all the ACC matches I've read, this one actually was the most enjoyable. I genuinely laughed out loud to myself reading it. I don't do that very often, and it also shows that you two have a good understanding of each other's characters. This shows, clearly with how you realistically played with each other's Character Sheet mechanics, and worked it into adhering to the venue you drew. Both of you did a very good job with that and playing off one another.

You both had a lot of errors in Syntax, most of which would be fixed with some extra proof reading. In timed events like this, I know it's harder to find proof readers, but try reading things out loud to yourself. A lot of the times your ears will catch things your eyes do not.

In the end, Kordath wins for carrying the story from beginning to end, with Skar's finale not holding as much strength as his first post.

Great work Kord, but Skar: I want you to know how proud I am of you.

I called out the WarKaleesh in this event, and not only did you answer the call, but you crushed it. You fought back Guardian. Yasssss. This is Tigerblood at it's best, so thank you for getting your matches in and also getting them done. Super proud to be a part of the same BT as you. o/

Arcona Invicta here, gents.

-W

Hall Sins of the Past -Episode II [Clan Arcona]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [Sins of the Past] [Episode II] ACC Race
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana, Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona
Winner Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Kordath Bleu d'Tana's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Warrior Rrogon Skar Agrona's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Felucia: Rancor Graveyard
Last Post 3 August, 2016 1:11 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae
Syntax - 15%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Repeated errors, see notes. Rationale: Repeated errors that forced me to stop or slow my reading. See notes.
Story - 40%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: I did laugh out loud at what you did with the story direction. If you had more time to flush it out and your ending was a bit stronger, you could have worked this higher. Rationale: Both your intro and final post were superior, simply put. What really sold me was how Kord kept literally digging himself into a deeper hole.
Realism - 25%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues I saw. Rationale: No issues I saw.
Continuity - 20%
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona General Stres'tron'garmis
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues I saw. Rationale: No issues I saw.
Obelisk Adherent Rrogon Skar Agrona's Score: 4.3 General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.7
Posts

Felucia Rancor Graveyard

Hidden in Felucia’s jungle lies a two hundred meter expanse marking the ancient burial site of this world’s deadliest creatures and the location of innumerable remnants of hundreds, if not thousands of rancors. A circular enclosure of sun-bleached bones are arranged in the center of the cemetery—no doubt the former dwelling of a powerful practitioner of the Force. Cobwebs cling to the fallen beasts, a testament to the primordial age of some of the creatures.

Somewhat obscured by surrounding cliffs and the luminescent jungle, the dusted bones and carcasses are cast in a faint shadow, leaving just enough light to see by. The atmosphere is thick and stifling, with a strong overtone of dust and bone suspended in the still air. The taint of the Dark Side's influence has polluted the landmark over time, giving form to a dreadful aura that has scared off scavengers determined to sell off a rancor tusk or two. Unlike most of Felucia, the area is nearly devoid of life aside from ravenous predators dwelling within the hollowed-out husks of dead rancors.

It was hot, humid, and disgusting. Kordath felt miserable. Three days walking through the jungles of Felucia to reach some boneyard that somebody thought Teroch may have found ‘something’ there. The Rollmaster had no idea what that could be, but somebody had thought sending him to investigate was worthwhile. He couldn’t argue with the reasoning; a war was on and he was next to useless when it came to fighting in anything like a battle. His talents lay more towards the gathering of intelligence and espionage. Not that he was completely helpless. Still, this planet was misery to the short haired Ryn, the humidity making his entire coat bristle. Even his tail had seemed to puff itself to twice its normal size and looked like one of those things that hunted nuts in the parks in Estle City.

Unfortunately, somebody in the intelligence division had decided that while the site was worth checking out, it was also possible it was a more dangerous than an usual assignment. Not something to just send a member of the Clan Summit out on without a protection detail. So for three days the Kaleesh had been stomping through the woods like a beast following him around. Rrogon Skar and he shared several things, they were both members of the Shadow Gate team. They’d both had the same Master, albeit at different times, and had very different opinions concerning her. Skar’s being familial while Kordath’s were more...base. What they didn’t share was how they dealt with annoying assignments.

“Huh, these tree’s have got sickly lookin’ leaves than the ones we’ve been passin’. Bet that means we’re gettin’ close. That and I can sense a darkness ahead, but still, kinda neat ta see it’s effect on tha environment, yeah?”

Behind him the Kaleesh seethed. “Do you ever stop babbling? I do not care about the ecology of this world unless it’s trying to kill us, Bleu. You’ve not shut up for days!”

“We’ve had ta trek three bleedin’ days through tha jungle, Skarbs, ya expect it ta pass faster without a wee bit o’ conversation?” asked the Ryn, grinning openly to himself. Antagonizing the once Obelisk was the only joy he’d derived from this trip so far. They’d clashed a few times physically in the past, but Rrogon was loyal to the Clan if nothing else. He was under orders to see Kord through safely, which meant that Bleu had almost free reign to screw with him. “Come on, we’re almost there anyways. We can spend a day or so pokin’ about tha place and then walk ta the extraction point. It’s just like campin’”

Kordath could feel the frustration pouring off of his companion at the mention of the extraction point, another two days walk at the pace they’d managed thus far. Ahead of the Rollmaster, the jungle thinned and the ground dropped off to a short bluff overlooking a barren patch of land filled with old bones. Bleu shivered as he surveyed the graveyard, the massive skulls of Rancors littered the place and something felt...off. The Dark Side permeated the air and gave him more reason to believe Teroch had come here to train in some vile ritual or another. It made his skin crawl and thoughts of fear and anger bubble up in the back of his mind.

He did his best to shake it off, the Ryn had managed to keep a rather positive outlook the past few days and refused to let this get him down. It helped he’d never subscribed to the ideals of violence and anger that the Dark Jedi seemed to thrive in, still it was like a pressure on his chest. Kordath felt like he was forgetting something as he tried to trace paths through the bones with just his eyes.

“Three days for a pile of bones,” growled the Kaleesh behind him, his voice thick with frustration and a rising anger. Kordath had been lead to believe Skar had calmed down in recent times, the former gladiator supposedly had clamped down on his anger issues.

So it was with little thought that the Ryn replied offhandedly, “Not too different from that silly thing on yer face, eh?”

A rumble from his fellow Arconan suggested this wasn’t the proper response. “Uhh, sorry, that was a wee bit insensitive of me, eh?”

Kordath saw it coming, he knew it was going to happen, it had been broadcast through the Force and Skar’s body language. Part of him still didn’t think it would happen which lead to the Ryn taking a chance on not further provoking the bigger man. So it was with some trepidation that he tumbled down the bluff after Rrogon planted a sidekick in his chest. Bleu did his best to roll with it as he bounced down the short drop and slid to a stop in the dirt. With a groan, he got to his feet in time to see the Kaleesh drop down after him, his combat boots setting down firmly.

The bigger man’s stance shifted as he approached Kordath, one arm out and the other brought in towards his midsection. Bleu gritted his teeth and focused on his breathing, his own feet moving to give himself better mobility. Left leg back, the Ryn lowered himself at the knees and lifted his hands up with the palms open.

“Need ta work off some of that frustration, mate? Fine. This place ain’t no good fer ya, Skar, too much darkness for a Sith like you. Lose yer bloody mind, ya will.”

Rrogon came at him hard and fast, the big man was deceptively quick and agile despite looming more than a foot taller than the Ryn. With palm strikes and quick steps, Bleu knocked aside and avoided the first few blows before Skar’s speed won out and he caught a balled fist to one of his shoulders. The Rollmaster spun with the blow and lowered himself further towards the ground with a sweeping kick towards his partner’s ankles. It was an obvious attack that would be easily avoided by most, but the Kaleesh, an able fighter, was more practiced with his blade than his fists. It was with some surprise to Skar that even as he stepped quickly back from the leg sweep he was ensnared by Kordath’s tail which followed the kick, snagging an ankle and tossing him off balance.

Bleu finished his spin by ascending back to his ready stance with a little grin, trying to ignore the bruise he could feel already forming on his upper arm and shoulder. His fellow Shadow Gate member hit like a bloody truck. A fresh growl could be heard as Rrogon picked himself up out of the dusty dirt of the graveyard. Kordath twisted his head slightly to work some stiffness out of it and exhaled, hands up and ready to counter his Clan mate.

“Well, let’s get it out of yer system, Skarbs.”

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 August, 2016 4:03 AM UTC

Even his tail had seemed to puff itself to twice its normal size and looked like one of those things that hunted nuts in the parks in Estle City.

--SPACE SQUIRREL

it was also possible it was a more dangerous than an usual assignment.

a usual

Rrogon Skar and he shared several things, they were both members of the Shadow Gate team.

Comma does not work here. The following paragraph also is a list, and is just kind of bullet pointed awkwardly within the context. You can make it flow better pretty easily.

“Huh, these tree’s have got sickly lookin’ leaves than the ones we’ve been passin’.

more sickly* otherwise the dialog doesn't really make sense.

Bleu shivered as he surveyed the graveyard, the massive skulls of Rancors littered the place and something felt...off

comma doesn't work her either, Needs to be two separate sentences or semicolon.

Kordath saw it coming, he knew it was going to happen, it had been broadcast through the Force and Skar’s body language.

Your tense is off here and it reads awkwardly.

The bigger man’s stance shifted as he approached Kordath

I know he's a male, but Kaleesh aren't really "hu*man*" so it kind of felt weird reading it this way.

With palm strikes and quick steps, Bleu knocked aside and avoided the first few blows before Skar’s speed won out and he caught a balled fist to one of his shoulders.

Excellent Sliding Hands description.

Gripping his lightsaber in hand Rrogon glared down at the small Ryn before him his presence over the past few days had been grating on every last nerve the Kaleesh had. As he looked at the Seer, Skar knew that this was going to come back to bite him.

Thumbing the lightsaber to life the Kaleesh slowly stepped forward towards his teammate taking his time. “You improved you fighting skills I see, call me impressed Kordath I didn't think you had it in you.” snarled the kaleesh

“Well, ya know getting beat down every fight I get into kinda loses its charm after a while wouldn't ya agree?” The grin on the seers face began to irritate the Templar as he keeps walking towards him

“True however there is something I've meant to talk with you about for a few weeks now.” Ice filled the Juggernauts voice as he spoke and it sent a wave of chills down the Ryn spine as he began to back up from the Kaleesh.

“Ya and what might that be mate?” squeaked Kordath as be backed into an extensive set of ribs jutting out from the ground

“Do you remember the Twi'lek working in my bar a few weeks back, crimson skin tattoos on her face? You were pretty drunk that night, so I don't expect you to remem..” Rrogon never finished his sentence before the Ryn cut back in.

“Oh, ya gorgeous lase she was practically had her in the palm on my hand that night before I passed out….why do ya ask?” Kordath’s grin started to fade as he looked at the Kaleesh he could see the muscles tensing up on the larger man, and it seemed that the Templar began to swell up ever so slightly. When he next spoke, Rrogons voice was trembling with anger.

“That woman was my wife, Kordath. You tried to sleep with my wife that night, and she told me everything that you did.” Growling the Kaleesh charged forward and brought his blade around to take the Ryn head.

Kordath ducked under the searing blade as it bit into the bone behind him and severed the entire rib in half and as it crashed to the ground sending dust and dirt spraying everywhere. “I'm going to rip your spine out and beat you to death with it Kordath!”

Kordath couldn't see the Kaleesh with all the dust that the bone had kicked up Skar had gone so far as to turn off this Lightsaber so the Ryn could not see him but the Force warned him before the next attack came. Diving to the side the Seer barely dodged the stream of plasma bolts that slammed into the ground next to him.

“Carking hell Rrogon I didn't know!” Screamed Kordath but the words failed to reach the Kaleesh as he charged out of the dust and all the Ryn could think was how he was going to get away from the angry Kaleesh.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 August, 2016 4:15 AM UTC

Gripping his lightsaber in hand Rrogon glared down at the small Ryn before him his presence over the past few days had been grating on every last nerve the Kaleesh had. As he looked at the Seer, Skar knew that this was going to come back to bite him.

The transition from Kords post to yours could be better. They were fist fighting and then all of a sudden, he has his saber in hand. Will help to show that motion/beat of him reaching/grabbing it in frustration.

Thumbing the lightsaber to life [breath] the Kaleesh slowly stepped forward towards his teammate [breath] taking his time.

Thumbing his lightsaber to life, the Kaleesh slowly stepped towards his teammate, taking his time. A good way to check your pacing is to read it out loud to yourself slowly. A lot of the time you'll catch where a comma is needed or not. It's not perfect, but it is one of my favorite tricks I use :).

“You improved you fighting skills I see, call me impressed Kordath I didn't think you had it in you.” snarled the kaleesh

"...I see. I didn't think you had it in you," snarled the Kaleesh."

Always capitalize your species. Kaleesh are awesome, so they should always have capital letter, duh. Also, make sure you end dialogue that you're modifying with a comma. Reads better :).

seers

Seer's - you're referring to him by Rank, so you would capitalize it. I'm terrible with apostrophes, so that's also a common mistake I make ALL the time too.

"“Oh, ya gorgeous lase "

Lass, lol.

“That woman was my wife, Kordath. You tried to sleep with my wife that night, and she told me everything that you did.” Growling the Kaleesh charged forward and brought his blade around to take the Ryn head.

HAHAHAHA. I lol'd, IRL. This is gold, Skarby.

An angry, armed Kaleesh be chargin’ me, all fer havin’ a wee chat with a lady at the pub. That’s what ya do at tha pub, ya talk ta tha lassies, he runs tha bloody place, how is this a trigger for violence? mused Bleu as he turned to run. Right now, gaining ground and either waiting for Skar to calm down or lose him entirely seemed prudent.

Rrogon was faster than him, the years had been kinder to the younger Arconan. Not to mention the kid didn’t smoke or drink nearly as much as his fuzzy counterpart who was huffing along after three days marching through the jungle. So the much smaller Ryn did the only thing he could and began to slip through awkward gaps in the fallen skeletons. Behind, the Kaleesh hacked his way through ancient bone as he gave chase. Still, every time he had to pause and drag his golden blade through a set of ribs or the like, he lost a little distance on Kordath. He turned to glance back at his angered team mate and debated his immediate future.

If he just kept running and got out of the crater, he could, possibly, make it to the extraction point before Skar. He’d catch hell for leaving the guy behind from a lot of people, not to mention their Master, Nath, would drag the truth out of him. Of all the people for him not to be able to lie to, she read him too well. Though he was an asset, surely they’d send a shuttle back to pick him up, but then he’d just be even more ticked off with Bleu. A direct confrontation, even in this landscape that favored the Ryn, was a piss poor idea. The Kaleesh would wreck him, the kid was a powerhouse and had the stamina to keep a running fight up much longer than he could.

He kept moving, ideas cascading through his mind as he navigated the boneyard, eyes roving for something, anything that could help him. A grin crossed the sweating man’s face as he spotted a particularly good sized Rancor skull, half buried by time. With a look over his shoulder to insure that Skar couldn’t see where he was headed, he scrambled up and through an empty eye socket. He landed lightly inside, the low bone cave still being tall enough to keep the diminutive Ryn from having to so much as crouch. Blowing some air out of his fluted nose, Bleu smirked as the sound resonated in the skull and echoed a bit. He grew still and allowed the chamber to quiet, before moving to the back away from the empty sockets. He began by closing his eyes and stretching out with his senses to track the angry Agrona.

The Kaleesh wasn’t far off and Kordath took a few deep breaths, hoping this would work out in his favor. He cleared his throat and shouted, directing his voice towards the hollow curve of the skull in hopes the echoes would carry it out and about.

“SKAR! I do nae know what yer so uppity about! Yeah I spoke ta tha lass, I was drinkin’ and she was cute. Take it as a bleedin’ compliment! ‘Sides, twas at tha bar! You’re a bartender! How can ya hold somethin’ I said after I was six or eight drinks deep against me, eh?”

As the echoes faded he waited, focusing on the Force presence of Rrogon, who stalked the area outside. He’d slowed his pace when the Ryn’s booming voice had caught his attention, but now he seemed to have stopped moving. Kordath’s brow furrowed, wondering what the Kaleesh was up to.

“Ya got ta calm down, lad, not sure how ya can be uptight with such a lovely creature sharin’ yer home. Less of course, ya know, that’s why she was talkin’ ta me.”

Wait, was I tryin’ ta calm him down or make him angry? Tha hells is wrong with me, the corruption here is messin’ with me head. It wants a fight, blast!

He shook his head, trying to dislodge thoughts of aggression and anger. A sound from outside the skull began to grow louder, like a swarm of angry insects, the Ryn cocked his head to the side trying to determine what it was. Rrogon’s saber blade broke through the bone before him. It was dragged through the skull in a long, diagonal line before being brought to bear once more in the opposite direction. Kordath backed away as a large, scoured X appeared on the inside of his hideaway before a burst of Force energy sent shattered bone flying inwards. Dust filled the skull while light streamed in from the new entrance Skar had created.

Bleu waved bone particles away from his face in an effort not to breath in the dry, dead material, instead pulling a Sith dagger from it’s sheath. The golden blade of the Juggernaut’s weapon was clearly visible even in the cloud, and it was searching for him. Kordath ducked and crept forward, hoping to catch the Kaleesh off guard, but his strike, aimed at the man’s right hamstring, was deftly blocked by the saber. Rrogon’s eyes nearly glowed behind his ridiculous mask.

“I can see your heat signature, Bleu, someday you’ll remember that. Or not, after today.”

“Skar…,” began the Ryn, backing away again and holding his dagger up before him as if it could protect him. His left hand reached back to grasp the solitary flashbang tucked into his belt. “This place is messin’ with our heads, mate, we don’t need ta be fightin’. I’m sorry about yer wife, but ta be fair, she’s good lookin’ and she did nae tell me she was married. So that’s on her.”

Me and my mouth, he blinked, realizing what had come out of him again. I don’t like this place, kark it, I’ll deal with the trouble at home. Besides, he ain’t got tha coordinates for the pick up, I’ll send back a shuttle fer him.

“I will skin you, take your tail, and make a lovely robe for my wife!” shouted the Kaleesh.

Kordath shook his head and turned, dropping the flash bang and diving through one of the open eye sockets. A flash lit up the world around him even more, and a sound reverberated inside the skull that Skar had so recklessly damaged the structural integrity of. The Ryn ran about a dozen feet before looking back to see the bone dome fracture and collapse. With a little whistle to himself, certain the Kaleesh would survive this as he did most things, he gathered the Force to himself and focused. Reaching out, he telekinetically smoothed out the dirt he’d ran across, obscuring his trail before turning and moving out again.

It’d take two days to get to the extraction point, hopefully his fellow Arconan didn’t catch up to him in that time. Good chance he’d be a bit miffed.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 August, 2016 4:24 AM UTC

Rrogon was faster than him, the years had been kinder to the younger Arconan

Poor commas.

If he just kept running and got out of the crater, he could, possibly, make it to the extraction point before Skar.

Zigzags, Rickon! (Serpico)

With a look over his shoulder to insure that Skar couldn’t see where he was headed, he scrambled up and through an empty eye socket.

I'm sure Insurance was on Kord's mind, but you were looking for "ensure" here.

Wait, was I tryin’ ta calm him down or make him angry? Tha hells is wrong with me, the corruption here is messin’ with me head. It wants a fight, blast!

lol.

“This place is messin’ with our heads, mate, we don’t need ta be fightin’. I’m sorry about yer wife, but ta be fair, she’s good lookin’ and she did nae tell me she was married. So that’s on her.”

Hahah, I can't. He keeps digging the hole. Brilliant.

Cold rage pulsed through the Kaleesh as he ran toward the Ryn in front of him lightsaber in hand once more. Kordath eyes were wide as the hulking form of the Kaleesh bore down on him golden blade hissing through the air.

Again, and again the blade hissed past the older Seer as he bobbed and weaved around the Juggernaut relentless attack. But even as he moved back and forth around the Kaleesh, Kordath could tell that Skar was beginning to pick on on the patterns that he was moving and the lightsaber blade began to come ever closer to hitting its mark with each swing.

In a fit of panic, the Seer flexed his can and released a blinding flash of light that illuminated the surrounding arena causing Rrogon to rear back in sudden pain as he moved his hand to block out what light he could. Not wanting to waste this opportunity the Ryn dashed off into the large rib cage in an attempt to hide from the Templar as he began to regain his wits and sight once more.

Wiping his head around the Kaleesh tried to find the Ryn once more but was unable to spot him. Growling the Templar began to slowly walk forward deeper into the graveyard of bones.

“Come out Kordath you know I can't kill you.” Said Rrogon

“Not for lack of trying!” came a reply from behind him as Rrogon spun around coming face to face with a cylinder filling his vision a second later pain and light filled the Templars vision once more as the cylinder exploded releasing a ball of light and sound that brought him to his knees.

Growling Rrogon rubbed at his eyes trying to clear his vision once more as the ringing in his ears prevented him from hearing the voice of Kordath calling to him. With his vision returning once more the Kaleesh raised his head and looked around to find his lightsaber that he had dropped when the flash bang went off in his face.

Rrogons eyes fell on the Rn who was standing in front of him lightsaber in hand grinning like a madman. “Now are ya done trying to kill me over a misunderstanding?”

A small flicker of a smile formed on the Kaleesh’s face as he looked at the Ryn. “Yea I am but this discussion is not ever far from it Kordath.”

“Fair enough mate but let's talk when we get back to the port and have a few drinks ya.”

Slowly climbing to his feet the Kaleesh he made his way over the Kordath and in a blur of speed the Kaleesh planted his foot right between the Ryns leg. Hunching over the seer fell to his knees with a groan and a whimper.

“Like I said I wasn't going to kill you but that doesn't mean I can't make you regret this mission Kordath and when we have our discussion there will be no drinks. Is that clear?” Growled Rrogon as he stood over the Ryn.The only response the Kaleesh got back was a groan as a whole as the Ryn struggled to get to his feet.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 3 August, 2016 4:28 AM UTC

Cold rage pulsed through the Kaleesh as he ran toward the Ryn in front of him lightsaber in hand once more.

in front of him [,] lightsaber in hand once more.

Kordath eyes were wide as the hulking form of the Kaleesh bore down on him golden blade hissing through the air.

Kordath's, possession, the eyes belong to Kordath.

Wiping his head around the Kaleesh tried to find the Ryn once more but was unable to spot him.

Whipping