Knight Lucine Vasano vs. Seer Kordath Bleu

Knight Lucine Vasano

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Female Human, Sith, Seeker
vs.

Seer Kordath Bleu

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Ryn, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
Comment

I'm very sorry that it took so long to get this match judged. Things have been a little crazy for the staff lately.

Anyway, on to the judgement. It's always a pleasure seeing a new face in the ACC, but usually that inexperience comes with a few common pitfalls. Lucine avoided them. Her posts were polished, and clearly either proofread or written - probably both - by someone with a very good handle on Syntax. You avoided the pressure to have your character win. You avoided Realism errors. It was quite an impressive debut.

See the individual posts for my comments, but, to be honest, there wasn't much to comment on. This was a good effort from both of you, and I look forward to seeing more of the same going forward. In the particular encounter, Lucine Vasano is the winner.

Alethia Archenksova,
ACC Judge

Hall Duelist Hall
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Lucine Vasano, Seer Kordath Bleu
Winner Knight Lucine Vasano
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Lucine Vasano's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Seer Kordath Bleu's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Hoth: Ice Cave
Last Post 20 May, 2017 4:49 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Headmistress Alethia Archenksova
Syntax - 15%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Solid overall, but watch that you don't have run-on sentences. Rationale: Very polished.
Story - 40%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Good use of venue and the relationships that the characters have with each other, Zuj, and Atty. The action was low-key but appropriate for the battle. Rationale: Good use of venue and the relationships that the characters have with each other, Zuj, and Atty. The action was low-key but appropriate for the battle.
Realism - 25%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Some overexertion with stealth powers in the first post. Rationale: I didn't catch any errors.
Continuity - 20%
General Stres'tron'garmis Lucine Vasano
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No errors Rationale: No errors
General Stres'tron'garmis's Score: 4.2 Lucine Vasano's Score: 4.45
Posts

Hoth Ice Cave

On the fringes of the Outer Rim territories and famous for being the one-time location of the Rebel Alliance, Hoth is a frigid world marred with fissures created from the tidal pull of Hoth’s three moons. Blanketed in a frozen ocean, massive oceanic currents beneath the southern hemisphere are the cause of constant seismic activities that result in a constantly shifting landscape of tunnels and caves.

Buried into the side of a fissure reaching hundreds of meters into the core of the planet is a network of tunnels leading into a cave. Its sole entrance is suspended within the wall of the fissure, requiring one to rappel down the dangerous crevasse and into the tunnels; one small miscalculation could send explorers descending the rest of the unmeasured height deep within the planet’s core.

Hoth Ice Cave

Insulated under several hundred meters of ice in all directions, the cave is protected against the gale force winds and the intense snowstorms that sweep along the planet’s surface. As a result, the cave is warmer than most of Hoth’s unforgiving cold with melting icicles dangling precariously overhead. In turn, this allows for more life to grow in addition to being a promising habitat for the hulking wampas that have been trapped this far below the surface. Beginning to thaw, it is obvious that this cave will eventually fall victim to seismic activity and disappear into the sheets of ice that surround it. Illuminating the cave’s interior with a dull blue glow, the luminous forms of lichen have taken up residence among the bones of the creatures unfortunate enough to be trapped here.

Caution must be exercised if one is to navigate the slippery slopes of the cave as melted icicles drip onto the cavern’s floor surface. In one corner of the cave, the ocean water has accumulated to form a large pool, providing sustenance to the rare lumni-spice growing within the crystalline complex, never to see the blue-white sun.

The descent to the damnable ice cave had been a trying one for the Sith. How she'd pulled this mission she still wasn't sure; maybe it was her newly minted Knight status, maybe it was the trust her Master had in her skill and ability. Being the Consul's student wasn't all it was cracked up to be, at times, nor the 'sister-apprentice' to the recently raised Aedile of Qel-Droma.

She didn't know why the man she sought had taken refuge in such a place, or how Zujenia had learned of where he was hiding. Likely the pilot who'd dropped him off had been persuaded to sell him out. Water dripped from melting icicles and snow, threatening to dampen her vibrant hair and her spirits. The glow coming off the lichen patches on the walls of the cave provided ample illumination for her to pick her way through, over the bones of less fortunate or capable creatures as she made her way in deeper.

Somewhere ahead she could just sense another person, the Force presence flickering like a candle in the dark. Other signs of life could be felt as well, more bestial in nature, but the one she was headed for was probably her target. She took a deep breath, pulling her cloak closer around her to ward off the cold, and plunged further into the darkness.


Kordath yawned and stretched, working his muscles as he leaned against the ice wall behind him, his cloak keeping him from getting completely soaked. The cave was damp, but at least it was warmer than outside, and the pool provided ample fresh water. As long as he kept the noise down when the Wampas came through, concealing his scent with illusions when they got too near, he was mostly safe. He had no desire to do battle with the hulking, furred beasts; he just wanted to settle himself till it was time to be picked back up.

Not that that was going to happen anytime soon, he thought with a wry grin, lifting the bottle of amber liquid to his lips. The whiskey burned down the back of his throat, helping to chase away some of the anxieties of life, for a time. His mind was a wreck of worry and half-formed paranoid thoughts lately, the closer he got to the date set by the Consul. A high pitched whistle of amusement escaped his fluted nose at that thought; even though it was he and Zujenia's engagement, the Miraluka woman had taken over nearly all aspects of the wedding. Even the when and where.

He took another pull from the whiskey and froze, the bottle having just left his lips. Gray eyes sought through the darkness, squinting slightly and reaching out with his mental senses. Someone was here, not a Wampa but a person, he was sure of it. They were doing a fine job of hiding themselves, physically, and a fair job of concealing their presence in the Force. He felt no ill intent, yet, which meant either they didn't know he was here or...or...

"Aw bugger," he growled, levering himself up unsteadily to his feet and glaring at nothing. "Alright! Who sent ya? Does nae feel like yer here ta kill me, which means somebody sent ya ta drag me back home! Well tough luck, mate, I ain't headin' back till its time ta tie tha knot. So ya may as well turn around and head back," he finished, grumbling aloud.

A shimmer of movement marked his watcher as she dropped the obscuring cloak of Force energy. Despite his status as a soon to be married man, the Ryn let out a low, appreciative whistle.

Blinky musta sent her, she knows me weakness for tha redheads. Clever, will nae work though.

"Kordath Bleu? I'm afraid you have little choice, my Mistress, the Shadow Lady, summons you back to Selen. So how about you come along quietly, I'd hate to break a nail dragging you out of this hole you've moved into."

Her tone was flippant, superior, and the way she presented herself spoke of a deep confidence.

"Tough luck, luv," stated the Ryn, trying to not follow the curves of her dark outfit. He'd not been down here that bleedin' long. "Safer fer me ta be hidin' out from tha Galaxy down here, it is; away from everyone important. Will nae put me lady luv in jeopardy, ya see?"

"No, I do not see. You're speaking gibberish and sound like a paranoid fool. Now come along," she rolled her green eyes and waved a hand at him, prompting him to take several steps unbidden towards her.

His hands felt slack, his legs as if they weren't his to command, and when the bottle slipped from his hand and clattered across the icy surface below his eyes followed it. Whiskey dribbled from the open top, leaving a trail of amber across the blue and white ground. As he watched it stop and pool, something struck him as off about the whole situation. Lazily he looked up, his vision covered with a haze as the red-haired woman reached out to grasp the front of his coat as if to lead him along towards the nearby tunnel.

Fighting his way up from the depths, through the haze, he shook it off and blinked a few times. Realization as to the woman's action, his mind finally tossing up a name to go with that figure, Lucine, brought a rare flash of anger to the forefront. He reached up, grabbing her by the wrist and twisting her hand from his coat and kicking out with a foot, tripping the woman.

"No means no, luv, I'll be goin' home when tha proper time has come!"

From the slick, wet ground, he caught a flash of angry green eyes glaring up at him.

She's gonna get loud, isn't she? Grand, bet that won't attract anythin' bad.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 May, 2017 12:23 AM UTC

Syntax:
These two sentences were fairly awkwardly phrased and I consulted with Atra about it.

Being the Consul's student wasn't all it was cracked up to be, at times, nor the 'sister-apprentice' to the recently raised Aedile of Qel-Droma.

Atra's rewrite:

At times, being the Consul's student wasn't all it was cracked up to be, or the 'sister-apprentice' to the recently raised Aedile of Qel-Droma for that matter.

Kordism:

Realization as to the woman's action, his mind finally tossing up a name to go with that figure, Lucine, brought a rare flash of anger to the forefront.

Atra's rewrite:

Realization as to the woman's action—his mind finally tossing up a name to go with that figure: Lucine—brought a rare flash of anger to the forefront.

This one was more straightforward. You just need to replace that comma with something more severe. I just made it two sentences.

I'm afraid you have little choice[. M]y Mistress, the Shadow Lady, summons you back to Selen.

Story:
You wrote a first post that roped in both character's overall personalities and situations and then clearly set out the reasoning for the conflict. This is why you're our favorite. Well, that and the panty incident.

Realism:

A shimmer of movement marked his watcher as she dropped the obscuring cloak of Force energy.

So Kord detects Lucine, which makes sense: he's got Perception +2 and Sense +4. The thing is, presumably he picks her up as she's approaching. But she can only use Force Cloak while stationary. Moreover, you mention two paragraphs earlier that she's using Concealment. Doing both at +2 isn't impossible, but it's going to be overly draining to the point where, if you'd done it intentionally, it would be a dick move.

Continuity:
No errors. I would be kind of impressed if there were.

The kick was utterly unexpected. Luckily, his hold on her wrist kept her from falling over completely. Instead, she simply dropped to her knees, pain shooting through them as they hit the frozen ground. Her temper flared, and she glared up at him as her free hand moved to close around the lightsaber at her belt.

No. It will not do to bring Zuji's groom back in pieces.

With some effort, she let go of the weapon. She pulled her wrist out of Kordath's grasp and rose to her feet with as much dignity as she could muster. Taking a step back, she took a moment to make sure her outfit was in proper order as she forced her temper to cool from a boil to a simmer. For good measure, she bent to brush the frost from her knees, affording Kordath a view of her considerable assets.

This situation calls for guile and finesse. I doubt that buffoon knows the meaning of either.

“Well that was not very nice,” she said, meeting his leer with a pout. “Really, darling, this is the right time. There is so much to do before the wedding, so many choices that need to be made. The Shadow Lady is helping, of course, but ultimately the choices come down to you and Zujenia. Are you really going to hide out in this hole while your lady love faces all of it by herself?”

“Zuji's tough, luv. She can be handlin' herself,” Kordath replied. Though his tone was easy, there was a slight tension in his muscles that indicated he was expecting trouble from her.

Lucine shrugged her shoulders in a noncomittal fashion, before glancing around the cave with a look of barely disguised disgust. Her eyes landed upon the fallen bottle of whiskey and she reached toward it. It trembled for a moment before flying toward them. Expecting it to impact against him, Kordath jerked a hand up to catch it. But it simply sailed past and landed in her outstretched hand.

Lucine sniffed the bottle before jerking her head away with a cringe. “Was this distilled in a bathtub?”

“Any drink's a good drink when ya got enough of it,” Kordath replied.

She tsked softly, already beginning to run out of patience. “Why would you want to stay here anyway? It is cold, and damp, and you only have a finite amount of alcohol here.”

She raised her right hand and gave it a twirl. Their surroundings suddenly changed to that of a pub. The temperature around them seemed to rise several degrees to a much more comfortable level. The aroma of fried food filled the air, as did the sound of voices in pleasant conversation. A line of bottles were displayed behind the bar, the backlighting causing them to sparkle enticingly. “Now, I know of this nice little pub back on Selen. The prices are reasonable and the company is good. That sounds much nicer than this filthy hole in the ground, does it not?”

She snapped her fingers and the illusion abruptly vanished. The air suddenly felt much colder than it had before. “Come back with me,” she said, using the Force to make her suggestion seem more enticing.

For a moment, the Ryn's eyes glazed over, a sure sign that her suggestion had had an effect. A moment later, he shook his head roughly from side to side, trying to shake it. “Say, yer pretty good at that, luv! But yer try'na con a con here. Everythin' I need is right here, it is, so I have nae reason to go back 'til it's time.”

With that, her patience was exhausted. Her temper once again began to rise, fueled by her irritation at the flippant Ryn. “Fine,” she said as her eyes narrowed dangerously. Tapping her own anger, she gathered the Force to her and sent a tendril of it toward him with the speed of a cracking whip. “Sleep then. I will simply have to drag your unconscious form out of this miserable place.”

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 May, 2017 1:27 PM UTC

Syntax:
A small typo:

Lucine shrugged her shoulders in a nonco[m]mittal fashion

The line is the subject, not the bottles.

A line of bottles [was] displayed behind the bar, the backlighting causing them to sparkle enticingly.

Story:
Very solid.

Realism:
I know it's hard when you're a JM, but be careful of using +2 powers in combat. All of this took place during a conversation where I think Lucine had enough time to ramp up, so you don't have any errors, but I don't want to see you lose points for rapidly firing off powers in a future fight scene. But as I said, no errors in this post itself.

Continuity:
No errors.

Kordath glared into her green eyes expectantly, focusing his will to fight off the Force laden suggestion. When no inkling of drowsiness overcame him, he gave her a crooked grin.

"If yer done tryin' ta play mind games, lass, I suggest ya get back ta whatever ship brought ya down here. I'm nae goin' anywhere."

He turned his back on her, a dangerous move he was certain, but she'd restrained herself from violence once already.

"What are you afraid of, Kordath Bleu?"

The Ryn stiffened slightly, his shoulders going up and his tail twitching nervously. He felt, just on the edge of his senses, a gentle yet probing touch to his mind. With a growl he spun back towards her, getting inches away from her face and lifting a finger up towards the taller woman. He felt the touch recede, and her green eyes narrowed in on him.

"Loss? You're afraid of losing Zujenia, somehow?"

"Listen, sweetcheeks," he snarled, ignoring the flush of anger that filled her face for a moment, "I've come too close ta happiness a few times in me life, only for tha Galaxy or tha Force or some cosmic thing with a sick sense of humor ta take it away!"

"I had ta run from me own family ta keep 'em safe when I was but a lad. I watched tha last girl I fell in love with get sucked outta bleedin' airlock because o' pirates and me bein' too weak ta stop 'em. Tha further I am from Zuji fer now, tha better and safer she is. 'Sides, yer Master is handlin' everythin', they do nae need any input from me," he growled at last.

She began to retort, only to see the Ryn's head whip around, his eyes going wide and knees bending slightly. His entire, wiry body screamed fight or flight as he stared into the depths of the cave, towards one of the tunnels that disappeared into the darkness.

"What? What is it?"

Lucine closed her eyes and focused, pushing her mind out towards where he was staring, and after a few moments of fruitless searching sensed something. It was brutish and simple minded, not unlike the Ryn standing before her, and radiated a hunger that sent her stomach turning.

"Made too much bleedin' noise," she heard him say. "If that thing gets mad, won't much matter what ya want, luv. Suppose ya could take back pieces of me, at least."

She scoffed, "As if I'd fail my first mission as a Knight."

He cocked an eyebrow as she stepped up past him to face the impending threat. The bioluminescence cast a faint blue glow upon the white furred beast that emerged from the tunnel, taller than either of them by far, nose snuffling in the air. It knew something was here, filled with warmth and meat. Slowly the Ryn began to skulk away to the side, gaining a glare from the taller woman when she noticed. He saw her wave a hand dismissively towards the hulking Wampa and smirk.

"What, think yer wee tricks will work on tha big guy? Not sure he'll understan-- where's he goin?"

"I have more tricks than simply compelling weak willed fools to doing my bidding, Kordath," she spoke pridefully, her demeanor turning haughty as she watched the Wampa shake his head and retreat. "I filled his sense of smell with rotted and sickly flesh. That and I sent your own musk downwind to him, you need a bath, very badly."

He snorted and glared, "Cute."

"I'm well aware of my qualities."

"Not what I meant, now get tha kark outa me cave. I'll be comin' home when its time."

She smiled, if it didn't have such a hint of menace to it, he'd have thought it attractive. "Perhaps," she said as she turned away, leaving her curvy form to his inspection as she did so. Moments later she heard a sigh and the sound of a body hitting the floor. Lucine turned back and sighed, head turning to the side in annoyance.

"Such assumptions made, my suggestion to sleep simply required you to drop your guard," she spoke quietly as she knelt and stroked his white hair. As she did so, she whispered more commands, the Force giving her words weight, enough to keep him under until she could get him to the surface. Perhaps she could compel him to walk out while in this state? It would certainly save her some effort.

"Mission accomplished," she murmured, her green eyes glinting in the pale glow of the cave.

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 May, 2017 9:50 PM UTC

Syntax:
Again, make sure you don't use commas to join an independent clause to a sentence.

That and I sent your own musk downwind to him[. Y]ou need a bath, very badly."
She smiled[;] if it didn't have such a hint of menace to it, he'd have thought it attractive.

And I caught an its/it's typo:

I'll be comin' home when it[']s time."

Story:
You mentioned that you thought this ending was boring. I wouldn't go that far, but I had to admit it lacks pizzazz. The use Illusion on the wampa was a neat idea, as was the way you wove in the Manchurian Candidate feat and all the subtle and unsubtle digs at Kord.

Realism:
No errors that I saw.

Continuity:
No errors

Lucine smiled grimly as she watched Kordath slump over, asleep before he hit the ground. “If I break a nail, I am taking it out of your hide,” she muttered as she bent to grab him by the collar. She gave an experimental tug and tsked under her breath. While she was not looking forward to dragging him back through the tunnels, at least she would not have to listen to his incessant blather.

She left him where he was for a moment while she searched his bag for any useful provisions. She did manage to find some, buried beneath multiple bottles of whiskey and packs of death sticks. The contents of his pack made Kordath's many vices all too clear. With a shake of her head, she returned to the fallen Ryn. But as she was bending to grasp his collar once more, a flash of white fur caused her to duck to the side, barely avoiding the claw that swiped where her head had been.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Lucine muttered as the wampa shuffled out of its hiding place. There was little doubt that it had been attracted by the noise and aromas of the illusion she had woven a few minutes before. Snatching her lightsaber from her belt, she moved to stand protectively over her quarry. “Leave us be, fuzzy,” she said, assuming a relaxed stance with her lightsaber held at her side.

But her mental powers, carefully honed to affect intelligent creatures, did little against the wampa. It roared in reply and swung its massive paw at her once more. She thumbed the ignition switch even as she began her parry, the lightsaber flaring to life in time to sever the wampa's arm. She stepped neatly to the side as it roared in pain and turned to slash at her with its remaining arm. She jumped back at the last moment, leaving the creature overbalanced. Hastily, she severed its head.

“That was annoying,” she muttered. “Hopefully there are not more-”

Her words were cut off by the sound of two answering roars, echoing from the darkness of the tunnel.

The last wampa fell after what felt like hours of fighting. Breathing heavily, Lucine picked her way through the corpses to sit upon an outcropping of rock. Just a few minutes to catch her breath, and then she would begin dragging Kordath up to the surface.

Yet as she looked around, she realized that something was missing. Kordath was no longer where she had left him. “What-”

The empty whiskey bottle crashed down upon the back of her head and she crumbled to the ground, unconscious.

She awoke with a horrifying headache to find herself aboard her ship. Judging by the darkness outside, she had been out for hours. “Ugh,” she groaned, bringing a hand up to rub the lump where the bottle had connected. Kordath must had awakened while she was focusing on fighting the wampas. But then where was he?

As the black spots cleared from her vision, she noticed a note scrawled onto the hull with an uneven hand. The nearby discarded tube made it clear he had written the message with her favorite shade of lipstick.

Better luck next time

Headmistress Alethia Archenksova, 31 May, 2017 9:51 PM UTC

Syntax:
Not an error, but I'd suggest adding a horizontal line between these sections using ---.

Her words were cut off by the sound of two answering roars, echoing from the darkness of the tunnel.


The last wampa fell after what felt like hours of fighting.

Story:
It was very interesting to see how closely this resembled Kord's ending in the beginning of the post, and how much it diverged from there. Bonus points for depicting actual fatigue.

Realism:
No errors that I saw.

Continuity:
No errors.