Augur Tra'an Reith di Plagia vs. Commander Rhylance

Augur Tra'an Reith di Plagia

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Male Kaleesh, Force Disciple, Juggernaut
vs.

Commander Rhylance

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Taldryan
Male Chiss, Loyalist, Field Medic
Comment

In this match, both writers had rough first posts. They both did a good job with their second posts, respectively. I think that Aiden needed to get to combat faster, but he did a good job having his second post feature more action and concluded it with action. TR did a good job going off of what Rhylance set up, but had a lot of realism errors that slowed down my reading of the first post. There were less errors in the last post, but it also felt a bit flat.

In the end, there were flashes of things, moments really, that I really liked in this fight. However, when breaking down the technical marks against each writer, Rhylance made fewer realism mistakes despite having more syntax issues. The score determined the winner in this fight for me, as it could have gone either way in regards to story.

All in all, good match, gentleman. Look forward to seeing more matches from each of you.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Tra'an Reith di Plagia, Commander Rhylance
Winner Commander Rhylance
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Tra'an Reith di Plagia's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Commander Rhylance's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Nar Shaddaa: Refugee Sector
Last Post 8 July, 2017 11:39 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae
Syntax - 15%
Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Your second post was much cleaner than your first post. There were a few errors here and there and one missed period that could have easily been caught when previewing. Rationale: Your second post was much more polished but there was still a lot of errors that would be easily caught with a proof reader.
Story - 40%
Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: My biggest issue was following the actions in the main combat exchange between them. I had some confusion that made me stop and re-read the interaction to better understand it. Your last post didn't have much combat at all, and felt rather anti-climatic. Nothing glaring, but nothing that really engaged me with the narrative. Rationale: I loved your ending more than I liked your intro. You had a good idea for the premise of the fight, but it took too long to get into the action for me.
Realism - 25%
Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: A few issues that are noted in my comments. In summary: Barrier deflecting stun rings, how quickly he shrugs off poison, Rhylance dodging as much as he does, and how quickly you have Rhylance bandage himself facing down someone close enough to throw a knife at him. Rationale: I'm docking you mostly for how long Rhylance goes on talking after being stabbed through the chest. We usually see someone die pretty quickly after a chest wound, and Rhylance doesn't have much to help prevent him from just keeling over. This was the only issue I found though.
Continuity - 20%
Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues I'm going to mark down, though there was a bit of confusion for me reading the knife exchange. Rationale: No issues I saw.
Reaver Tra'an Reith di Plagia's Score: 3.55 Blade Master Aiden Lee Deshra's Score: 3.65
Posts

Nar Shaddaa Refugee Sector

A cesspool of the downtrodden, the Refugee Sector on Nar Shaddaa is home to both the unfortunate and criminals alike. Offering their protection for credits, the criminal organizations that control the sector tax the populace outrageous sums. Unable to provide these fees, refugees are forced to work under hazardous conditions producing glitterstim and adrenals for their overseers. Some of these refugees are addicted to the substances themselves—for which the cartels increase the price of their tithes in exchange for a share of the product.

Crammed with stalls and makeshift hovels, several of the sector’s inhabitants find refuge on the streets and in the alleyways. Those who managed to avoid the dangers of drug production can be found selling their limited and often defective goods to others. Behind these stalls a selective stock of black market wares is hidden, reserved for mercenaries and thugs.

Nar Shaddaa Refugee Sector

Littered with garbage, it is obvious that no maintenance droids have been programmed to maintain the sector. The surrounding towers have fallen into decay, bits of debris falling every so often into the middle of the street. The duracrete streets are covered in a film of filth and chemicals from the abandoned warehouses, making movement cumbersome when traveling through the most inhabited areas.

Patrols armed with blasters and vibroswords come through these areas regularly, making a show of force to advertise the merits of their ‘protection’ while extorting the occasional shopkeeper. Screams and shouts are a common enough sound, which is never in the refugees’ best interests to interfere in.

The streets of Nar Shaddaa are no stranger to the stains of blood. The bodies of the victims of the corrupt controlling parties litter the back alleys. The police and security forces of Nar Shaddaa have never been the best at closing open cases in the favor of the victim. You can quite literally get away with murder easily in the refugee sector of the degenerate moon. This is one of the reasons Rhylance decide it was the best place to conduct his research.

The Chiss had spent years using the drunkards and scum of the galaxy as pawns for his nefarious experiments, leaving their remains to be discovered in the dilapidated sectors of the corrupt moon. He had been able to slip under the radar for the longest time, until he chose the wrong subjects.

Tra’an Reith di Plagia stood over the freshly deceased body of a subordinate. His mask held a hardened expression, but his eyes burned with fiery rage. This was the fourth of his soldiers to be found dead and naked in the sewers of Nar Shaddaa. As he turned away from the body, a slight grin spread across his face. He was closing in fast on the guilty party, and justice would be swift, and severe.

……

Rhylance silently leaned over his fresh kill. The soldiers of Plagueis had been instrumentally helpful with his research. His eyes were like steel as his scalpel glided across the dead soldiers hairy skin. Blood didn’t rush to opening, death claiming the circulatory system of the deceased. The Chiss paused to take some notes on his current specimen.

“My work is nearly complete. The blood still isn’t coagulating in the way I would like.” He thought aloud. “Back to the drawing board it seems. Perhaps I’ll find the answer on my trip to Shili.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it. You’ll never make it there.”

The voice broke Rhylance from his studies. The Taldryan turned as he stood up. In front of him stood a high ranking member of Clan Plagueis. The man’s face did not move from his stony disposition.

“Well, it seems I have been found out. How unfortunate.” the Chiss spoke with a mock worry.

“You have now killed five of my subordinates. This will not stand.” the Plagia shook with rage, his fists clenching as he controlled himself.

“I can see you’re upset, but I will not be anyone’s prisoner today. Perhaps we can come to some form of understanding? Plagueis is an honorable Clan. I’m sure we can work something out.” Rhylance held out a hand in “friendship” as his words fell from his silver tongue.

“I will be taking no prisoners today,” Tra’an announced as he drew his lightsaber, activating the crimson blade with a menacing hiss. His face warped into a sinister grin “Today, you die!”

Rhylance observed the alleyway they were in, and he was not in the clear here. He turned and ran towards the opposite end, Tra’an following close behind. Rhylance ran through the opening, and collided with a passing street urchin, the both of them tumbling to the ground. Collecting himself, and rising to his feet, the Chiss deftly escaped the aggressive downward slash of red light as the di Plagia’s blade melted into the ground. Rhylance pulled his blaster from its holster and fired.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 14 July, 2017 1:32 AM UTC

Blood didn’t rush to opening, death claiming the circulatory system of the deceased.

to the

“My work is nearly complete. The blood still isn’t coagulating in the way I would like.” He thought aloud.

comma, he thought aloud

The reflexive snap was sharp, the sound of the blaster bolt being deflected into a nearby storefront was even sharper as it left havoc in its fiery wake. The Kaleesh wasted no time in pressing the advantage, bounding sideways in pursuit of his prey. The Chiss was moving with alacrity, turning to shoot wildly as he ran through the crowd, weaving around the foot and vehicle traffic in the crowded alley.

As the blue humanoid reached a corner, he turned again and fired. Instead of the expected crimson death, the weapon spat concentric rings almost the same color as his skin. The snarl of anger could be heard for blocks as the Augur was forced to skid to a halt and exercise his will to bend the air in front of him into a protective shield that reflected the stun, forcing it outward into the crowd. By the time it finished dissipating, and the crowd had fallen onto the ground, the poisoner had turned his corner and vanished.

With gnashing teeth, Tra'an Reith ran for the nearby wall and crouched before leaping onto its roof. As he paced along the roof and jumped from building to building, the Juggernaut watched for the telltale ripple of someone moving quickly through a crowd. It wasn't long before he spotted it, and reached out to feel for the mind felt the same as the restrained malevolence that had greeted him at the corpse of his soldier.

He felt it just long enough to be sure, before the flood of emotions and resonance from so many others in proximity overwhelmed him and forced him to a knee before he shut it off. Despite the agony, his eyes remained trained on the fleeing alien. Even as the di Plagia watched, the foe who had failed to introduce himself slowed, easing the wake he left to a minimal disturbance. Having recovered from the mental shock, the Kaleesh continued to hop buildings and closed in on the Chiss from above.

As he dropped down at a crossroad, the ripple in the crowd was small but noticeable. It was also enough for the highly perceptive torturer to notice that something was headed his way. Turning his head, the red eyes widened a touch before narrowing again. The intelligence behind the eyes was staggering and it would have given another being pause, but Tra'an Reith was used to the look

"I have you now!" He roared as he once again summoned his copper hued lightsaber into existence and bounded forward in a lope. The crowd cleared for him with ease, all familiar enough with his weapon even if just by the legend of it. Thinking swiftly, the serpent twitched his right arm causing his stiletto to drop into that four fingered palm before being tossed lightly in the air.

As the blue man lifted his blaster to shoot, the gentle toss of the blade quickly turned into a will driven thrust into the right wrist holding the blaster causing the hand to spring open and drop the weapon. As it fell, with his left hand the murderer removed the blade from his arm, hefting it for balance. Tra'an advanced, only to see the stiletto used to quickly slice a strip of sleeve and bind the wound it caused. As the Kaleesh moved to dispatch the Taldryanite with a quick slash of his lightsaber, the Chiss dodged backwards, vanishing the dagger inside his coat.

Rhylance waited and watched as Tra'an advanced again and dodged under the lightsaber as it made another strong arc and got inside the Plagueian's guard. Without hesitation, the Chiss stabbed him in the shoulder as he moved past. The angle of the blade was sufficient to find purchase under his scales and slide between them into the flesh of the shoulder. The di Plagia hissed as the briefest touch ignited his nerves in a hellstorm of pain as the poison fought to take control and paralyze him.

Breathing rapidly and focusing, the Augur believed and let his will push the poison out of his body, neutralizing it even as his shoulder continued to leak a thin trail of blood. Tra'an Reith turned as he stood and glared at the curiously dead eyes of the Chiss. The expression on the blue face morphed from satisfaction and curiosity, to a mix of shock and interest. Resetting himself, the Kaleesh changed the placement of his feet and the angle of his weapon and engaged again.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 14 July, 2017 1:59 AM UTC

The snarl of anger could be heard for blocks as the Augur was forced to skid to a halt and exercise his will to bend the air in front of him into a protective shield that reflected the stun, forcing it outward into the crowd. By the time it finished dissipating, and the crowd had fallen onto the ground, the poisoner had turned his corner and vanished.

When we see things hit a barrier, they tend to be absorbed and dissipated, which is actually how you describe it. The way it's worded, it doesn't seem like a barrier would deflect the stun rings back out at the crowd. I ran this by the ACC staff and they all agreed with the interpretation being off.

It wasn't long before he spotted it, and reached out to feel for the mind felt the same as the restrained malevolence that had greeted him at the corpse of his soldier.

the mind that felt.* I almost docked you points here for Sense +1, but you recovered nicely with how TR is overwhelmed with the flood of emotion. Nice save.

Turning his head, the red eyes widened a touch before narrowing again

his read eyes*

Tra'an Reith was used to the look

missing period.

As the blue man lifted his blaster to shoot, the gentle toss of the blade quickly turned into a will driven thrust into the right wrist holding the blaster causing the hand to spring open and drop the weapon. As it fell, with his left hand the murderer removed the blade from his arm, hefting it for balance. Tra'an advanced, only to see the stiletto used to quickly slice a strip of sleeve and bind the wound it caused. As the Kaleesh moved to dispatch the Taldryanite with a quick slash of his lightsaber, the Chiss dodged backwards, vanishing the dagger inside his coat.

This action sequence was a bit confusing. Not sure how Rhylance had the time to bind a wound with an opponent close enough to hit him with a thrown knife. The dagger that gets vanished into the cloak is confusing, since i would classify a stilleto and a dagger as two different kinds of weapons. Is that what he then has drawn to stab TR in the shoulder? A lot of questions and not a lot of clarity.

Rhylance does a lot of dodging for his +1 Athletics and no Force Amplification ability.

Pushing the poison out of the body would fall under Control Self. But per the Wiki:

  • Force Healing will allow a Force User to treat the effects of poison, assuming they have time to concentrate on the specific task, which will often be difficult during combat.

  • Higher levels of Control Self will allow a Force User to alter their bodies to better cope with the effects of a poison, but would not actually treat the actual symptoms of the poison.

It seems a bit of a stretch that he'd be able to neutralize the effects of a poison in the middle of a melee scrap.

Rhylance had no choice but to go on the defensive. The heat of the Sith’s weapon singed the hair from his blue skin as it grazed him. The shock of seeing the ease with which the di Plagia shook off his strong paralytic toxin was an unwelcomed variable added to the equation. He couldn’t see a way out of the situation he was currently in.

The Chiss could feel the anger, the jealousy coursing through his veins. The Force; the only potential variable that made sense in this situation. Once again the Force users in this galaxy had another method of embarrassing and disgracing those without the connection. That poison had taken years to perfect, and the Sith shrugged it off so easily. His skin was so hot from rage that the sweat accumulating from the engagement nearly evaporated.

The only possibility of survival was to keep moving and find an escape. The makeshift tourniquet wrapping around his wrist did nothing to dull the intense pain Rhylance was still in. The stiletto had easily severed his flexor carpus radialis and ulnaris muscles making his right hand completely useless to him. Luckily, extensive training in deception allowed his outward appearance to remain stoic and centered.

Rhylance was not well versed in his off hand, which showed with his attempted counter strikes. He knew the best points on his opponent to cause pain or massive bleeding, he just couldn’t seem to translate that to his left hand. The Chiss narrowly dodged a swipe at his gut that left his jacket burned. Not one for long engagements, he could feel himself tiring. Stumbling backwards he crashed into a nearby street vendor, knocking the Togruta’s merchandise to the ground.

“Haku doth bu lhonu kabee uba datka? Caiot tee adtahia peee uba doth bolla?” The vendor yelled, his arms swinging wildly.

“Oh solder off, I do not have time for this,” Rhylance snarled as he collected himself.

The momentary distraction would prove fatal as the hissing blade of Tra’an Reith di Plagi violently emerged from Rhylance’s abdomen. He had never felt such a sensation of agony as this lightsaber tearing through his flesh, instantly cauterizing the wound. As Tra’an ripped out the blade screams of the surrounding pedestrians of Nar Shaddaa could be heard by all except the Chiss. He only heard his heart beat struggling in his ears. The blue skinned Consul of Clan Taldryan fell to his knees as the di Plagia circled to his front, a vengeful smile plastered upon his mask.

“So how does it feel, Chiss, to know that all of your so-called work is for naught?”

“You ignorant fool. You could never...understand the work I am doing…” Rhylance knew his time was up, and that only led to an overabundance of anger and hatred. His words dripped with venom as he responded.

“No, I just don’t care,” Tra’an responded as he raised his lightsaber, reading himself to swing the final blow. The pandemonium around the two seemed nonexistent to their senses.

“Which only proves your arrogance. You Force wielders are all the same. Flaunting your unfair advantages as if they make you better than us. Parading yourselves around as our superiors!” Rylance's outburst had him in a fit of coughs as blood gathered in his mouth. The metallic taste of his own blood foreign to him. “You just can’t handle it...when one of us might finally be onto something. A way...a way to fight fire with fire.”

“Chiss, I couldn’t care less about your feelings, or your reasonings. I care not for your work, or the experiments you’ve chosen to conduct. I only care that you killed my soldiers, and that is a crime that will not go unpunished.”

His control breaking, the Chiss cackled, blood dripping from his lips.

“Your great soldiers….hehe...they begged me for their lives. Pleaded with me to let them go before my toxins took effect. It was music to my ea….”

With a resounding hiss Tra’an’s blade effortlessly cut through the Consul’s neck. The medic’s head rolled from his shoulders and his body slumped to the ground. As Tra’an turned to leave a few of Nar Shaddaa’s police force arrived at the scene, but valuing their lives they turned tail and left the di Plagia to his business.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 14 July, 2017 2:11 AM UTC

Luckily, extensive training in deception allowed his outward appearance to remain stoic and centered.

Rhylance was not well versed in his off hand, which showed with his attempted counter strikes.

Show this, don't tell me about it.

“Oh solder off,

Sod off is the British slang. After consulting a few swearing experts, they both agreed that solder (like a soldering iron) is odd here. No detractor, I just felt I'd bring it up.

He had never felt such a sensation of agony as this lightsaber tearing through his flesh, instantly cauterizing the wound

Tense shift here isn't style, it's an error.

I loved this ending.

The sharp thrust met air as Rhylance continued to move backwards, staying just out of reach. He even seemed to smile, after getting a glance at a chrono atop a nearby stall whose window was shuttered in the face of the threat that was the Kaleesh and his lightsaber.

It made Tra'an grit his teeth and grind them, angry that this Chiss seemed to be having such a good time taunting him. It was the sound of clanking metal and the shout that accompanied that sound, which made him realize why the blue medic was suddenly so smug.

"Oye! What in the name of Hoth do you think you're doing swinging that lightstick around on our turf without a permit?" came the howling call of outrage.

"Checkmate," he heard behind him, "until we meet again." The red-eyed being turned to leave, as more insults were hurled at the Tra'an.

Choosing to ignore the threat of the armed patrol behind him, the Plagueian chased the fleeing foe, stashing his lightsaber in the now billowing robe. With a bend of the knees, the Kaleesh jumped atop the roof of a nearby building and continued to hunt his opponent, aware of and ignoring the blaster bolts that were fired too inaccurately after him.

The rooftops again served him well, but only until there was a T split in the warrens and rubble of Nar Shadda's confusing Refugee shanties. Despite the pain from the feedback that would ensue, the di Plagia knew he had only one choice.

Taking a knee first this time, he opened himself to the Force and more than listened, he felt for the signature of that smug intelligence that had yet again eluded him. Seconds passed before it tugged at him from the left, and was immediately drowned out by the sensation crash of the world around his target. The barrage of image and sound was almost too much, before the Kaleesh could retreat within himself and sever the broader ties.

Placing the pads of his fingers upon his cranial ridges, he reached out for the Force and pushed it within himself, to heal the lingering aches from earlier and the fresh self inflicted trauma.

After about a minute, he shook himself and rose, before darting in the direction he had felt the presence of his foe. As the rooftops vanished beneath the former Quaestor, it became apparent that the shuttles ahead were the real goal. The final gambit of extraction in the face of defeat, and intelligence about Plagueis' misdeeds in duplicating the technology given to the Inquisition.

The tall forms rose before him, a row of hulking Zeta class cargo shuttles. Ancient, they nevertheless remained functional workhorses and the backbone of the intergalactic trading consortiums.

Slowing to a stop at the edge of the wide open space between the first row of shops and the landing pads, the lone Chiss stood out like a brilliant gem in a sea of pebbles. Looking around, he spotted some cargo sleds moving his way, and jumped atop one, moving from sled to sled to close the distance as the Taldrayanite walked towards a parked shuttle, trying to remain discreet.

The impact Tra'an made on landing was louder than he intended, and it almost proved his undoing.

The reflexive blaster shot from the Chiss proved that he had been waiting for the sign of his death finding him. The equal answer in its deflection showed that the Juggernaut was waiting for his chance, the copper hued plasma held at the ready.

"So it comes down to this, does it? The hope for a final fight on the edge of escape? I really have to tell you that you should have killed me the first time," the Chiss said.

As he opened his mouth to reply, it was lost to the noise of combat chassis. The Gamma Class ATR6 Assault Transport rose over the hull of the Zeus, its weapons staring down at him as it dropped a line for its supreme commander.

"You will always know this as the day that you almost killed Rhylance, of Clan Taldryan," he yelled, just audible above the din. Even as the Chiss grabbed the rope to get away, Tra'an roared in frustration and threw his lightsaber at the enemy he despised, and guided it with his will. The weapon missed by a fraction of an inch, as the gunship rose skyward at emergency speed, leaving him behind with his prizes, and the fear of discovery.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 14 July, 2017 2:16 AM UTC

I like the subtle reference in the closing of the match. A bit anti climatic but it works.