Augur Terran Koul vs. Vanguard Korroth

Augur Terran Koul

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Arcona
Male Kiffar, Force Disciple, Arcanist
vs.

Vanguard Korroth

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Male Pau'an, Jedi, Arcanist, Consular
Comment

Greetings,

Thank you for your participation in the GJW XII ACC Phase I !

Your battle was a joy to read, and I enjoyed both posts from each of you. Unfortunately, only one of you could win, and today Korroth walks away the victor. Ultimately, realism is what decided this battle. Both authors wrote engaging stories that were fun to read and I hope I get a chance to read more from both of you. As I've left only skeleton comments, if you would like additional feedback on my judgment or score, please feel free to contact me on Telegram or by email, and I will respond when time allows!

~Mav

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Terran Koul, Vanguard Korroth
Winner Vanguard Korroth
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Terran Koul's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Vanguard Korroth's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Naboo: Jan-gwa City
Last Post 4 July, 2017 8:11 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Telaris "Mav" Cantor
Syntax - 15%
Terran Koul Korroth
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: Nothing noted, great job! Rationale: One minor issue.
Story - 40%
Terran Koul Korroth
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Entertaining and engaging, but could use a bit more combat between characters. Also, some detail-related issues in the first and second posts keep this from a perfect score. Speaking of which, I loved the usage of the cuffs here. Rationale: Overall a strong offering, but could use a bit more combat. A few small details were unclear in the writing. Still, engaging and interesting.
Realism - 25%
Terran Koul Korroth
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: A couple of issues, above. The handling of the head injury bordered on a more major issue, but beyond that, your overall reflection of both character sheets was superb. Rationale: Stayed true to both character sheets.
Continuity - 20%
Terran Koul Korroth
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues
Terran Koul's Score: 4.35 Korroth's Score: 4.45
Posts

Naboo Jan-gwa City

Unlike the Gungan’s submerged capital below Naboo, Jan-gwa rests partially underwater; the majority of the city rests above the water’s surface. A waterfall runs along the cliffs behind Jan-gwa, creating a veil of mist around the base of the city’s rounded platforms. Nocturnally illuminated, domed structures encompass the center of each platform and are home to Jan-gwa’s Gungan inhabitants. Some of the these structures extend below the water’s surface, creating an anchor that keeps Jan-gwa from floating with the currents and provides shelter to hundreds of Gungans.

Etched into the cliff walls are several faces of unknown origin. Resembling a humanoid with unembellished features, these carvings are not reminiscent of the city’s Gungan inhabitants—perhaps an indication that some other civilization might have resided near the floating city.

“Mesa no care whosa haven him,” the Gungan told the two offworlders. “Yousa boyos just taken him and goen away, okee day?”

The Gungan was paying only half attention to the outlanders beside him and the cell they were looking at, which contained the Human prisoner in question. Instead, the jailer's stalked eyes kept twisting to the end of the corridor, where half a dozen guards were trying to get a new alien prisoner into one of the pod-shaped cells. Neither were the offworlders, a blue-eyed Kiffar and a grey-skinned Pau’an, taking much heed of the jailer.

“SeNet is very grateful for the tip-off,” Korroth addressed the Kiffar with a level tone. “But I was already coming to an agreement with this gentleman.”

“The Shadow Lady is going to want something better than ‘Korroth got to him first’! No,” Terran made a cutting motion with his hand. “This is my bounty. My plan. I’m going to see it through.”

“If it’s just about the bounty, the Clan can com—”

“No, it’s not ‘just about the bounty,’” the Arconan mocked Korroth’s raspy voice. “Lady Rainbow Sunshine wants to question him about the Sith. She thinks they’ve misplaced their big metal throne or somesuch.”

“Yousa tryen mesa patience,” the jailer interjected. “Better yousa sort thesa out before my throw yousa out.” Meanwhile, at the other end of the corridor, voices and electropoles were being raised as the alien prisoner, a huge musclebound Herglic, protested about the size of his cell. The Human prisoner, a balding man with a crumpled blue shirt that looked like it had been slept in several times, also took a keen interest in the commotion, peeking from within his own pod.

“Arcona isn’t in full possession of the facts.” Korroth ignored the jailer. “We were first to notice something was going on. We’re in a better position to question him. We’ll share whatever useful intelligence we extract.”

“This is incredible!” Terran threw up his hands. “First you tell me your Clan is keeping facts from my Clan, and then you ask me to believe that you’ll share all the intel!”

The Pau’an sighed. It wasn’t just about the intelligence. It was much more than that, and Korroth wasn’t about to let the Sith collaborator in that cell escape the justice of Odan-Urr. He just didn’t know if letting this on would be of any use with this Arconan bounty hunter.

“Look,” the Jedi began, raising his long-fingered hand in a gesture of appeasement. “There’s another reason we want him on Ki—”

At that moment the muffled sound of an explosion somewhere within the prison building rumbled beneath their feet. The cell pods’ ray shields flickered and disappeared. The massive Herglic down the hallway threw several guards into the walls, notwithstanding the crackle of electropoles. The jailer rushed to help his comrades, while Gungan prisoners spilled out of their cells. Korroth squeezed between two eager fugitives and lunged for the Sith agent. His sharp nails dug into the shoulder of his shirt.

“Oh no you don’t!” came the Arconan’s exclamation, followed by the snap-hiss of an igniting lightsaber. Korroth pulled his arm back just as a flare of amber light descended between him and his target, severing nothing more than a piece of the agent’s shirt.

A shove from an escapee made the Jedi lose his focus. The corridor was a pandemonium of stampeding prisoners, beleaguered guards and sparking electropoles, but the Pau’an’s inky eyes latched onto Terran’s dun duster as it pushed through the commotion. He followed it, tucking the scrap of cloth that had remained in his hand into the back of his belt, until the jostling, shoving mass surged into the prison courtyard.

The throng was like a maelstrom of lights within the Force, but the Arconan stood out for the way he drew these currents to him. Korroth spotted him near the gate just as he collared the blue-shirted runaway. The Pau’an extended a hand towards him, guiding the eddies of the Force to embrace Terran in a smothering hug. His attempts to drag the prisoner away became suddenly sluggish, and the agent wriggled out of his grasp. The movement of the crowd soon broke the Arcanists’ connection, but they both saw the agent climb through a breach in the gates.

“Frakkin fantastic!” Terran shouted over the ruckus.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 6 July, 2017 2:26 AM UTC

At that moment the muffled sound of an explosion somewhere within the prison building rumbled beneath their feet.

Minor, but you need a comma for the introductory clause here (At that moment,).

Terran felt a whisper on the back of his neck and spun, his blue eyes widening as he saw the hulking Herglic barreling towards him. His Gungan pursuers' ears flapped comically as they chased the escapee, but their electropoles were held steady. The creature sidestepped Terran with surprising grace and continued towards the now-open prison gate. Spotting the cadaverous Pau'an's approach, Terran followed the Herglic's example.

The Arconan drew on the life around him, moving with preternatural speed. He overtook the Herglic near the gate, the Odanite's presence a half dozen meters behind him. His gaze narrowed as he scanned left and right, then spotted a blue shirt two blocks down. With Korroth closing, Terran knew he was out of time.

"Sithspit!"

Terran gestured with his right hand. The alien behind him stumbled, fighting against gravity, and his gargantuan bulk teetered precariously for a millisecond before crashing to the ground.

Terran could feel the creature's innate gentleness and mourned its claustrophobic terror. The Herglic thrashed wildly as his Gungan pursuers fell upon him, shocking him into submission. The Pau'an, too, felt the creature's plight, and Terran could sense him wavering. That was enough.

He turned and ran, hating himself even as he left the flailing distraction behind. He only hoped the Jedi would take the bait. His booted feet slapped against the spongy ground and he imagined a singularity at his core. Nothing escaped a singularity. Not even a Force-user's signature.

Terran reached the Human in a matter of seconds, sparing a glance over his shoulder. Clear. Hopefully Korroth would succeed in helping calm the poor Herglic. Nodding amicably to the Human, the Kiffar stepped into the nearby alley, skittering away from the street.

Short and thickening around the middle, Thayer Kraln was unremarkable. With his balding brown hair and muddy brown eyes, he was positively nondescript. He could pass for a mechanic or an accountant. Once, he had even posed as a Hutt's dancing girl, if you believed the stories. But he could never pass for a spy - which is what made the DIA's former spymaster so karking good at his job.

"What have you got for me, Kraln?"

"First things first, youngling," he replied, his words hurriedly clipped. "How'd the sprout finger me?"

The Kiffar sighed, mentally counting the seconds. Seconds wasted mocking the Lotus. Time was a luxury they couldn't afford.

"Unknown. They think we told them. Could the One Sith be on to you?"

Thayer shrugged unconcernedly. "Job's done now. And they don't have any more idea where Pravus is than we do."

"So all this," muttered the Kiffar, gesturing vaguely towards the prison. "For nothing?"

"Hey, wasn't my idea to blow up the power grid."

Terran nodded grimly, cursing his Ewok partner's concept of distraction.

"Fair enough," the Kiffar replied tersely. "Know the evac point?"

"Surely do," drawled the Human. "But don't you want to know what I found out?"

Terran ground his molars and forced his hands to unclench. "Of course. What did you find out?"

Kraln snorted at the obvious effort. "Seems there's a network of safe houses most of the One Sith aren't privy to. The bastard might be holed up in one of 'em."

"And if they aren't aware of them, I'm guessing you didn't get their locations?"

"Noooope." Thayer chuckled. "I did find out about a Sith dead drop on Oricon. Could be you might find some hints there."

It was the first lead they had found since the disappearance. And it only almost cost a good man his life. An annoying man, but a good one.

"Perfect. Now take off your shirt. Korroth has a piece, and I'd bet credits to crumpets that he can track you by it." The Human looked at him suspiciously, but complied as Terran nodded with feigned uncertainty. "This'll make it tougher at least."

Well, it'll make the visions fuzzier. And it'll be hilarious. He choked back a laugh as the spy handed over his torn shirt.

And that's when he felt, rather than heard, the Pau'un drop silently to the ground. Terran tried to spin away from the Jedi and draw his blaster, but a gray arm snaked between the Kiffar's wrist and his holster, sliding upwards with fluid grace. It wasn't preternatural. It lacked the ferocity of Terran's own movements. It was swift, purposeful, and as unmovable as a river. Then the Odanite's other hand grasped the back of his neck and the Arconan felt himself sailing towards the wall.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 6 July, 2017 2:40 AM UTC

Nice. I like what you did with Thayer here.

And that's when he felt, rather than heard, the Pau'un drop silently to the ground. Terran tried to spin away from the Jedi and draw his blaster, but a gray arm snaked between the Kiffar's wrist and his holster, sliding upwards with fluid grace. It wasn't preternatural. It lacked the ferocity of Terran's own movements. It was swift, purposeful, and as unmovable as a river. Then the Odanite's other hand grasped the back of his neck and the Arconan felt himself sailing towards the wall.

Adjectives used here seem a bit contradictory - from normal and lacking ferocity to purposeful, swift, and launching someone sailing, this is a little confusing.

Then the Odanite's other hand grasped the back of his neck and the Arconan felt himself sailing towards the wall.

Sailing seems excessive given the situation...

He collided with a “Humph!” but the impact merely knocked the air from his lungs. He turned to see Korroth bearing down on Kraln, but he also noticed a tremor in the ground.

“Hey, Jedi!”

Korroth turned, ready to deflect blaster fire. The Kiffar and the Human jumped away, but for the Odanite it was too late. A dozen kaadu-mounted warriors rounded the alley corner, charging towards the prison. A kaadu struck him fully in the right side, throwing him hard to the ground. The cavalry galloped past as he lay immobile, momentarily processing through the shock. Only when he lifted himself upright, grunting through his teeth, did the trauma become manifest.

With pain lancing through his torso and notions of the Arconan and the Sith agent colluding racing through his mind, the Jedi took pause and opened himself to the Force. It flowed through him, muffling the pain and stilling his mind. The Human was gone, and so was the Kiffar, evidently. More Gungan guards were racing into the fracas, while up in the sky squadrons of sleek N-1 fighters converged on the prison.

Hearing the pulse of engines roar above him, Korroth looked up to see a dulled, black-painted interceptor craft. Just as it passed overhead the Jedi received a glimpse of the occupants’ intent. Their attention was focused not on the prison, but on a platform on the edge of the city. The Odanite locked his eyes on the craft and, recovering his lightsaber with his left hand, sped after it.


Thayer shivered in the chill mist that gusted over from the waterfalls. Those laserbrains in the Firespray kept circling the platform, probably waiting for Koul’s go-ahead. That boy better make up his mind, or I’ll catch me a c—

The crack of a blaster rang out above him, and Thayer thought he heard a faint shout of “Found you, Jedi!” He turned to see the Pau’an at the lip of a higher platform. The spindly figure ducked as another crimson bolt passed by his head, then, without so much as a by-your-leave, he jumped straight off the edge, followed by a salvo of bolts. Out from his left hand issued a metallic wire, which shot up and fastened onto a high strut connecting the two platforms. In the same instant, the Arconan appeared, racing, over the rim. Without braking his momentum, he dove for the Jedi and latched onto his waist.

The two humanoids, having reached the nadir of their swing, let go and tumbled not-so-gracefully onto the platform, the Jedi releasing a strangled yell. Terran was the first to get up, unholstering his blasters. But the Jedi was the one that landed closest to Kraln. All he had to do was extend his left arm and, with the hiss of ignited plasma, the point of his emerald blade appeared inches from Kraln’s nose.

“Hey now,” Terran said, lowering his pistols. “Let’s not do anything rash. The Shadow Lady still needs him.” He slowly placed the Westars on the ground and stepped back. “See? We can talk about this.”

Korroth stood with his right arm clutched over his ribs, his saber fixed on the agent. He had never felt his hold over his own balance become so fragile. Not since…

“You don’t know why Odan-Urr wants him, do you?” He took rasping shallow breaths. “We found records of him. He was there, hidden amongst us, the day before Pravus came to New Tython.”

“So what, you gonna execute him now?”

The green saber wavered. It took him a while to answer. “I’ll take him with me. He’ll help us finish what he helped to start.” At this point, the effort it took to draw in breath and maintain his presence in the moment was making him feel faint. “And then he’ll stand trial.”

“There’s the problem, you see.” Even as he talked, Terran’s attention was on his relinquished blasters. “He’s Arcona’s agent.” The brief flash of shock in the Jedi’s black eyes was all the cue Terran needed. “Now!”

Thayer lunged away. At the corner of his eye, Korroth barely noticed the Westar judder on the ground, then all he saw was a dark blur, and a cracking pain bloomed on the side of his head.

Terran stood over the Odanite’s collapsed form as he signalled for the Gentleman Bastard. “Told you my plan was going to work.”

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 6 July, 2017 2:43 AM UTC

The crack of a blaster rang out above him, and Thayer thought he heard a faint shout of “Found you, Jedi!” He turned to see the Pau’an at the lip of a higher platform. The spindly figure ducked as another crimson bolt passed by his head, then, without so much as a by-your-leave, he jumped straight off the edge, followed by a salvo of bolts. Out from his left hand issued a metallic wire, which shot up and fastened onto a high strut connecting the two platforms. In the same instant, the Arconan appeared, racing, over the rim. Without braking his momentum, he dove for the Jedi and latched onto his waist.

This sequence is a little confusing - why is Terran shouting he had found the Jedi? Wasn't Korrath chasing them? Unclear how this sequence gets started.

Terran's skull cracked sharply against the speckled stone of the wall and he slid down to the refuse-littered ground, head muddled and vision browning out around the edges.

Shaking his head to clear it, he struggled up to a knee. "Listen," he mumbled as he held out his hand to forestall the inevitable confrontation. "We can talk this out. That's the Jedi way, right? Temperance and...and…" he paused, blearily grasping for the right word. "...concessions?" he finished weakly, questioningly. As he spoke, he willed the Force to smother the furious protests of his skull.

Korroth's lips tightened into a sneer, his normal serenity lost as his gaze shifted from Terran to Thayer before stepping between the pair. "We don't bargain with Sith collaborators." The words were half-snarl and half-incredulity.

So much hate in him for the Sith. It's blinded him. The Jensaarai wondered briefly if it was still prejudice if it was right. He can't even imagine that this situation might be different. It was almost comically tragic in such a paragon of temperance. Still, the Arconan would use it without hesitation.

"Listen," Terran repeated, his voice growing steadier. "I'm taking him in. You can't stop it. But we don't have to fight either. What can I do to convince you?"

"You don't get it, Arconan." The Pau'an practically spat the title. "It wasn't your home they destroyed. It wasn't your people forced to run heedless across the galaxy, hiding, dying, clawing tooth and nail for some small respite, some place to breathe without the specter of death looming over you as you slept." The words sounded ripped from the Odanite and Terran swallowed instinctively, taken aback at their passion.

With a sigh, Terran reached into his dun duster and pulled out a modest bag of cred chits. "Look, you take the bounty," he replied, forcing a note of hopeful enthusiasm into his voice. "I take him in. We share the info we gain. Everyone wins!"

Korroth opened his mouth, a scathing retort no doubt tumbling across his tongue, as Terran tossed the bag in a lazy arc towards him. As it sailed through the humid air, the Kiffar caught Thayer's eye with his own. The spy nodded once, sharply, from behind the Odanite. Then Terran's hand shot out, fingers splayed, and he made it rain.

The bag's weakened seam ripped open and dozens of small, sharpened cred chits exploded from it. A glittering rainbow of plasticized shrapnel showered the Pau'an and he rolled to the side, trying to get clear. Thayer seized the brief opportunity, darting towards freedom. He dropped an item at Terran's feet as he passed and the Kiffar suppressed a grin, pocketing it and standing as the Odanite regained his footing.

Terran circled the Pau'an, forcing him to turn with him, away from the alley's mouth and the retreating spy. "You can't stop me from tracking him," the Odanite stated flatly. Terran shrugged silently, preoccupied with his footing.

There. Perfect.

Allowing himself the smallest smile, Terran reached into his coat pocket. The Pau'an responded by unclipping the lightsaber at his belt.

"Last chance, Arconan. Do the right thing, here."

"I am."

He punctuated his reply with another gesture and the Odanite moved reflexively, dodging the small maelstrom of refuse and discarded cred chits that soared towards him. He never saw his own stuncuffs, retrieved from the Arconan's pocket, as they shot behind him.

Korroth's sunken eyes widened to small saucers as the cuffs clicked into place around his cadaverous wrists and Terran let his small smile blossom.

The Pau'an bared his jagged teeth and growled in frustration just as a half-dozen prison guards rounded the alley's mouth. Terran spotted Thayer behind them, grinning like a fool. Terran nodded his thanks as he quickly assessed the shifting situation.

"There he is, officers," Terran shouted, forcing a wheeze into his voice. "I'm not sure who he was trying to break out of prison."

The officers took in the sight of Terran standing unworried, the stuncuffs on Korroth's wrists, and the Pau'an's vicious looking teeth and claws. They made a split-second decision - the right one, as it turned out.

At least, Terran thought so. Prejudice may be wrong...but it certainly is useful at times.

"Mesa thank you, citizen," the lead peace officer said gratefully as the prison guards surrounded Korroth, electropoles at the ready.

"Think nothing of it, officer." Terran struggled to sound sincere before smiling at the Pau'an. "We Jedi are always happy to help."

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 6 July, 2017 3:16 AM UTC

Terran's skull cracked sharply against the speckled stone of the wall and he slid down to the refuse-littered ground, head muddled and vision browning out around the edges.

The force needed to crack a skull while being thrown through the air is more than Korrath seems capable of mustering without the aid of the force. Moreover, even if you are not being literal, Korrath doesn't seem capable of tossing someone through the air with much force at all over very much distance, and symptoms as described would mean a strong impact.

Thayer seized the brief opportunity, darting towards freedom. He dropped an item at Terran's feet as he passed and the Kiffar suppressed a grin, pocketing it and standing as the Odanite regained his footing.

Positioning seems a little odd to have Thayer run past Terran and drop something at his feet - I thought Korroth was directly between them, with Terran against a wall?

As written, Terran's invoking of Control Self seems like it should catch up to him eventually. Moreover, although he dulls the pain, there are no indications he has suffered a traumatic brain injury as described by browning vision and muddled thoughts, and seems to be acting completely normally right up until the end. I was expecting this to show up in some form given the author's description of the injury.