Seer Kelly Mendes vs. Knight Revs

Seer Kelly Mendes

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Plagueis
Female Human, Force Disciple, Seeker
vs.

Knight Revs

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Male Miraluka, Force Disciple, Shadow
Comment

Greetings,

Thank you both for your participation in Phase I of the GJW XII ACC Event! I enjoyed the chance to judge your battle. Due to the nature of this event, I have left only very brief comments. If you would like more complete feedback, please contact me by email and I would be happy to provide it as soon as time allows.

Both authors contributed relatively standard ACC Battles, but certain sections stood out. Kelly had some interesting minor plot elements included, which could have been developed a bit more. Revs incorporated details from his character's conversation with Lucien and his own character's research to give him a small upper hand in their final confrotation, although the depth of knowledge - while possible - felt a little too convenient there. Both authors had numerous syntax errors, and no continuity errors. Thus, this match came down to realism issues, where both opponents made misteps. However, the score differential resulted primarily from Kelly Mendes' second post. Here, Kelly launches a telekenetic strike at Revs, but as written it is inappropriate in a number of ways. Moreover, Revs, a competent duelist, seems to be dispatched with unusual ease. Revs had his own share of minor realism issues, notably in his downplaying of his own character's endurance, and his ignoring of half of one of his own aspects.

Again, thank you for your participation and I look forward to both of you writing additional battles in this event!

~Mav

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Seer Kelly Mendes, Knight Revs
Winner Knight Revs
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Seer Kelly Mendes's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Knight Revs's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Naboo: Otoh Gunga
Last Post 1 July, 2017 8:45 PM UTC
Assigned Judge Telaris "Mav" Cantor
Syntax - 15%
Dr. Giyana Jurro Duelist Revs
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Minor syntax errors in both posts, such as misuse of commas and an improper capitalization (mollusks). Rationale: Multiple syntax errors in both posts, and particularly in the second post they interfere with read immersion; inclusion of 'second post' at the start of final post is the worst, but the second post has numerous errors.
Story - 40%
Dr. Giyana Jurro Duelist Revs
Score: 3 Score: 3
Rationale: Relatively standard match with typical combat. Posts were full of hints that there could have been more here, attracting reader interest, but attempts to engage the reader do not seem to follow through, often simply being unresolved (such as the Gungan Jaruth). Also, at times it was difficult to tell how Force powers were being used. Rationale: A typical match; nothing stood out as particularly remarkable, but posts were relatively easy to read (save for the multiple syntax issues in post 2!). Second post was more interesting than the first combat-wise, and while knowing Kelly Mendes' form was a nice touch, knowing it was her *only* form was a little too convenient as written at this stage of the fight.
Realism - 25%
Dr. Giyana Jurro Duelist Revs
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Multiple mistakes add up here. As written, the telekinetic push in post 2 reads as a charged strike that would require a feat to stagger an opponent, and also would have taken a few seconds of concentration that would have broken the combat that was seemingly ongoing, although it is a little unclear here as written what precisely was happening. In the same sequence, it is unclear why Revs was caught completely by surprise - the character Revs appears built for evasiveness, there is a substantial build up time in the attack, and he had not tapped the Force yet so Precognition is in play here (along with Lightning Reflexes). Finally, although Revs is a lower skill in his primary form, he never seems to have anything close to chance in the combat as written. Rationale: Overall nothing major. One of Rev's aspects is partly ignored; he maintains his playful attitude in combat despite Easy Going 'Till the Fight Starts. Rev's endurance is slightly underplayed here; while Kelly Mendes would not tire as quickly as Revs, the description of the fight does not seem to warrant heavy panting breaths given Revs' endurance in post 1.
Continuity - 20%
Dr. Giyana Jurro Duelist Revs
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues Rationale: No issues.
Dr. Giyana Jurro's Score: 3.55 Duelist Revs's Score: 3.65
Posts

Naboo Otoh Gunga

Beneath the surface of Lake Paonga lies the Gungan capital. Otoh Gunga is constructed in such a manner that leaves the Gungan city trapped beneath water pressures converging on the lake’s vertical center and floating between the surface of the lake and the lakebed. Its location makes the capital difficult to find without knowing its precise location, remaining untouched during the Separatist occupation of Naboo.

Water-breathing species would be able to swim easily to its bubble-shaped buildings; however, those unable to remain submerged without air would find the distance impossible to swim. Therefore, breathing apparatuses are essential for those determined to make the journey themselves and without the aid of Gungan bongos.

Its bubble-like buildings are in fact hydrostatic force-fields that contain breathable atmospheres for their occupants and have special portals that allow theinhabitants to enter and exit. Since the Gungans actually grew the building material of their cities from the natural plasma of Naboo and bubble wort extract, the structure of Otoh Gunga is a hub and spoke design. Each of the bubble-like buildings are compartmentalized units, able to be sealed off at a moment’s notice.

The Gungan Grand Army utilizes patrols that make regular visits between the compartments. Favouring spears, atlatls, Electropoles and cestas for throwing boomas, these soldiers are the staunch defenders of Otoh Gunga. Sometimes armed with distributed Gungan personal energy shields capable of turning aside blaster bolts, these warriors are too-often underestimated, lending to their victories over the Trade Federation.

Otoh Gunga. It had been a nightmare to get to. However, it was worth beating another Arconan down. According to the information Kelly had received, it was a Miraluka, though not Atyiru. This one went by the name Revs, likely not all of his name. He was yet to arrive, so the Plagueian had some time to herself. The locals had been very cooperative; the lightsaber worn on her hip was likely a contributing factor. The Seer had convinced a member of the guard called Jaruth to report any unusual visitors to her. It had been easy in truth, a simple wave of the hand as she was instructing him was all it took.

Revs had overheard Lucine talking about the woman who had beaten her on Takodana. The Miraluka had been raised to Knight over two years ago. He hadn’t managed to become an Equite, and it had been getting to him. Defeating this menace would show Atyiru and the rest of them that he was ready. He had the benefit of hearing how the battle went; this allowed him to strategize. First, he would gain the favour of the Gungan residents, then use them to encircle her. Once that had been done, he would remain on the front foot through his cultured blade work. That was Revs’ path to victory.

A number of hours had passed since Kelly’s arrival in the Gungan city of Otoh Gunga. Her next victim hadn’t shown his face yet. The Quaestor had decided to take the chance to catch some sleep. However, the universe had different plans. Just as she’d laid down on the bed and closed her eyes, the door almost flew off its hinges. Jaruth ran in clumsily, stumbling and almost landing on top of the Human.

“There’s someone here, Miraluka like you said Ma’am.” Jaruth seemed nervous as he spoke. And he had every right to be. Kelly had a feeling a lot of damage was going to be done - not just to the bodies and minds of Revs and herself, either. Simultaneously annoyed and relieved, Kelly sat up on the edge of the bed. She motioned for Jaruth to go and he complied. Ensuring she had her lightsaber and whips with her, the Plagueian headed out to confront her newest foe.

The Arconan paused as he entered the city. There was definitely a dark presence nearby. It was moving towards him in fact. The Knight’s focus was disrupted by a Gungan asking if he wanted to buy some Mollusks. Slightly unnerved, but understanding the different dietary preferences, Revs politely refused. Frustrated he had lost track of the presence, the Miraluka grimaced. He would have to find her or let her find him. Knowing that his plan would need to change, Revs began to adjust his strategy, first having to unlearn the initial plan.

Kelly followed Jaruth; the Gungan was keen to go somewhere and if she was lucky, to her future victim. She was worried her slow swimming would allow the local marine life to figure out she was there for the taking. Luckily, she managed to get to the building that had been designed for combat. Other than being horribly soaked, Kelly was still alright. It was then she saw him, Revs was here alright. Kelly activated her lightsaber and watched as the Arconan did the same. He would be in for a tough fight.

The Knight was slightly less confident now he was face-to-face with Kelly. If anything, his lack of conventional sight made her more intimidating. She marched forward with purpose, looking to end things quickly. Her saber wielding hand was bizarrely behind her. The Plagueian’s left hand was clasped around the hilt, just above the pommel. Revs was confused, but had to prepare for the incoming attack. Kelly went for a sweeping slash at the Arconan’s neck, more of a probing strike than serious death blow. Her opponent parried the strike as sparks flew and the humming blades hissed upon collision.

Kelly was feeling confident. The first blow had been parried, but it was all about playing the long game. As such, she varied her striking. She tried a downwards slash, it was blocked. A diagonal blow was turned away. All the while the hissing and humming created a symphony of noise that had attracted a crowd. Playing to this audience, Mendes increased the pace. Everything was now coming in quicker, her opponent had to react.

Revs parried another downward slash, which Mendes followed up with a horizontal strike from the right. The Knight knew that his opponent was only toying with him at the moment; The slight smirk on her face gave a slight hint that she was overconfident in her abilities. Having heard the stories of the beat down that Lucine had received at the hands of this woman, Revs questioned if his own abilities would be enough. One lesson he had learned in his life was that being more skillful, did not guarantee victory.

The Miraluka started to step back as he parried the increasing number of attacks coming at him, all the while observing his opponent’s physical stature. She was about an inch taller than him, but far lankier. Her slightly longer arms gave her a small amount more reach than Revs had, which she added even more to by keeping her grip low on the hilt of her lightsaber. If he could get inside of her range, he could severely limit the areas she could attack from. That would, of course, be far easier said than done.

“So I see we have gathered quite an audience.” Revs sounded almost cheerful as he half heartedly poked back at his opponent.

“Seems we have,” The Seer responded, slapping the emerald blade away from her.

“Good. I want as many people as possible to witness me take you down,” Revs taunted, hoping he didn't sound nervous.

“Oh?” Mendes chuckled as she swung her lightsaber in a wide horizontal arch aimed at her opponent's head. “You don't think you can actually kill me, do you?”

“Of course not!” Revs mocked, trying to sound offended. “All I want is to knock you down a peg.”

“I've had enough playing around with you!” the Human snapped as she spun to the left, attempting to flank the Knight, swinging her blade at a downward angle. The fencer blocked the blow with ease, following up with a quick thrust aimed at the Seer’s chest. As Mendes swung her blade forcefully to throw the tip of Revs’ lightsaber off target, he relaxed his grip, causing his emerald blade to drop under the parry. Tightening his hold on the hilt brought the blade back on-line with his target, and stepping in as he launched another attack brought the Miraluka inside of her opponent's reach.

Revs smirked as frustration appeared on Mendes’ face. She had managed to get her lightsaber back into a defensive position just in time. Not wanting to lose the advantage that he had gained, he started in with a barrage of attacks. First throwing high, then low. He targeted the Human's face, shoulders, abdomen, anywhere he thought he had an opening to land an attack. The Seer was fast though, and she always managed to get her blade moved just in time to parry Revs’ strikes.

“Ready to give up yet?” Revs taunted as he slashed at the Human's face.

“I'm just getting started!” Mendes snapped back as she spun to her right, dodging the attack while simultaneously moving out of the Arconans strike zone. “You are an infuriating creature!”

Panting heavily, Revs replied between heavy breaths, “Yea...I get that a lot...”

The Miraluka was growing tired, but the Seer he had been so anxious to challenge had hardly seemed to break a sweat. He needed to come up with a way to win this fight and fast, before she wore him down.

His opponent was supremely confident in her abilities and she had every right to be. But this was also Revs’ chance, that she gets too cocky and gives him an opportunity. The saying pride comes before the fall was quite fitting. The Plagueian was maintaining her assault, though slower than she had before. Whether this was fatigue or a conscious choice to prolong the duel Revs couldn’t tell. Either way, he had managed to survive. All he could do was react to what Kelly would do next.

The Seer was relaxed, she seemed to have things well in hand. Revs was showing a level of fatigue beyond what she had predicted. Still, the Plagueian could not afford to underestimate her foe, which she had been doing so far. Now she knew his capabilities, it was time to direct the conflict towards its conclusion. Pulling her free hand back, she could feel the energy building. Once her hand was level with her shoulder, she unleashed it. The unseen energy barreled towards Revs at a rate of knots.

Caught unaware, Revs was hit with the full force of the attack. As a result, he was flung backwards, despite his best efforts to resist. Now she was just toying with him. After talking so much trash, there might be more than physical bruising if he were to be defeated. Of course, it was looking more and more likely that would be the case. Staggering forward, the Arconan was struggling on. He wouldn’t allow himself to be beaten by the first display of any real power. He was tougher than that. He’d show Kelly and his comrades in Arcona. The Knight had to search deep inside his very being to find the power needed to be competitive. He would show the Seer, make her respect him.

Kelly was bemused that her opponent had decided to keep going. She had expected him to let the Force put him out of his misery. The refusal brought a macabre smile to her lips. Then out of nowhere, he charged. The smile quickly disappeared as Kelly had to scramble to avoid Revs’ attacks. By the Mother of Moons, this one was kriffing laser-brained if he thought he had a chance. It was much more of a challenge that she’d expected, but she was still confident. After all, a flame that burns twice as bright burns twice as quickly. It was just a matter of struggling through until the effects wore off and the Knight was confronted with fatigue once more. He tried jabbing at her from multiple directions. First, a downwards jab, which the Seer opted to dodge rather than parry. Next, he approached from the side, to which Kelly opted to hold his blade in place with her own. Any minute now, he would be done. And that is where Kelly could really begin to have fun. Revs was fading dangerously quickly.

Feeling the power slip away, Revs decided the best thing to do would be to use the last of it to get just outside Kelly’s reach. Quickly backpedalling, the Arconan succeeded in getting away. Utterly exhausted, the Arconan dropped to one knee, breathing even heavier than before. Yet Kelly had not come to finish him off. At least his last flurry on the front foot had caused to break a sweat, much to her chagrin. If she was to kill him, at least he could die with his head held high. Revs had nothing to be ashamed of and he knew it. He watched, still panting, as Kelly began to make her approach.

Kelly deactivated her lightsaber and switched it to her right hand. With her now free left hand, she pulled out a bantha hide whip. This wasn’t even personal, Kelly just wanted to enjoy her victory. She yanked the whip back before thrusting it forward and taking out Revs’ leg from under him. A slight thud could be heard as his body hit the floor. Another blow, this time to his back caused him to roll over as he writhed in pain. Chuckling to herself, Kelly decided it was time for a more visible mark to be left. Swapping over the whip and lightsaber, she thumbed the activation switch once more. With the blade, she delicately carved two tally marks onto his left cheek. Satisfied with her handiwork, the Plagueian walked away, the Gungans would keep Revs alive, long enough for Arcona to get her message.

Second post.

The crowd had grown larger, completely encircling the two Force users. Revs could hear low murmurs throughout the onlookers, he even could have sworn seeing the passing of credits between hands. Should he have to run, his chances of escaping into the crowd were slim, it seemed.

His thoughts were pulled away from fabricating an escape plan by the voice of the Sith woman speaking to him. “I have to give you credit, you are skilled. Why do you waste such talent working with Arcona? You could gain so much power in Plagueis.”

“I wouldn't have to wear a good looking dress like that, would I?” Revs teased as he pointed at the woman’s armor. “It doesn't seem like it's very practical to fight in, plus I don't think it would accent my hips very well.”

“Do you ever take anything seriously?” Mendes snarled.

“Sometimes, when it’s absolutely necessary,” the Arconan said, seeming distracted. He had developed the tactic of taunting his opponent years ago. It gave him time to study them, hoping to find a weakness in their defence and just maybe anger them enough that they made a foolish mistake.

He had done research on Mendes' before he started hunting her. He knew she was more of the academic type than a fighter. That concept did not mean she wasn't dangerous though. From what he had gathered she had only studied one form of lightsaber combat, but had managed to master it. The Shien form that she had studied was weak in a one on one lightsaber duel. Where his Makashi form was strong in this area, he would have a small advantage in the dual.

The Seer had not seemed to study any other forms of combat. If Revs could just get her lightsaber away from her, this could possible be over quickly. Her strength in the Force could be problematic, if she was given a chance to use it.

“Well it's been fun, but I think it's time we bring an end to our little show.” Revs tried to appear calm as he brought his blade up in front of him, inching forward to close the distance between him and his opponent.

“I will greatly enjoy watching the life fade from your eyes!” Menes snapped as she jumped into action. She launched several attacks trying to overwhelm the Miraluka. She moved fluidly from one attack to the next, trying to keep Revs on the defensive. Keeping his lightsaber out in front of him, the Arconan was easily able to block the attacks. He didn't have the energy to play with the Human.

Stepping back to avoid an up angled slash from his right. Revs lunged back in, thrusting for Menes’ chest. The Seer easily parried the blow and countered with a downward slash, only to find it blocked again. The duo seemed to have fallen into a pattern of strike, parry, and counter, neither being able to gain the upper hand.

After having a horizontal slash parried, Menes spun in a full circle to flow into an attack from the other side. With this Revs saw his opportunity. He slightly twisted his wrist and flicked the tip of his blade on where he predicted the end of his opponent's lightsaber would be, only he had misjudged his reach. Instead of the emerald blade slicing the Seer's lightsaber in half as he intended, the blade found soft flesh and bone to burn through as Menes' hand was severed.

Revs could not tell which sound was louder in his ears at that moment, Menes' high-pitched scream or the “awws” from the crowd as the human dropped to her knees. With a triumphant smirk, he brought the tip of his lightsaber to the wounded woman’s throat.

“You will be coming with me. I will turn you over to Atyiru myself, surely she will see I'm ready for more power once she sees that I have captured you for her new toy.” Revs couldn't help but sound cocky at his hard won victory.