Knight Tali Sroka vs. Commander Alethia Archenksova

Knight Tali Sroka

Journeyman 4, Journeyman tier, Clan Arcona
Female Twi'lek, Force Disciple, Arcanist
vs.

Commander Alethia Archenksova

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Human, Loyalist, Director
Comment

This was a fun match to read. I liked seeing an NFU Director taking on a Force User without it ever feeling one sided from either writer. Both writers told an interesting story and did a good job of portraying the characters personalities. The deciding factors, sadly, came down to Realism docks where Alethia simply made less. I left most of my notes in the scorecards and on the match itself, so I'll just wrap this up by saying great job to both of you, I did enjoy the exchange between these two characters.

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Knight Tali Sroka, Commander Alethia Archenksova
Winner Commander Alethia Archenksova
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Knight Tali Sroka's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Commander Alethia Archenksova's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Kashyyyk: Rainforest Canopies
Last Post 17 July, 2017 11:49 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae
Syntax - 15%
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Error noted. Rationale: Error noted.
Story - 40%
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: I liked your set up, but your ending was a bit anti-climatic, but not bad by any means and certainly fitting of Alethia's personality. There were a few things that made me need to re-read to make sure I understood what actions had transpired. But otherwise very engaging. Rationale: I really liked how you added tension to your action sequences. I really liked the illusion trick, despite the realism dock it got. The ending was clever, but there were some blocking (positioning of where the characters were in relation to the scene/setting) that made me need to re-read some parts to be clear on what was happening.
Realism - 25%
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Tali isn't a Sith, which comes up twice. I was also a bit skeptic on Tali's +3 Perception not helping her avoid getting caught in the whip, but this is more to tell you I almost called you on it and to be careful going forward. Rationale: The two errors that add up here are: 1. Calling the KX-series protocal droid KX-57. See notes for more. 2. Illusion +2 usage in heat of combat 3. While you don't write it doing so, you imply that the cloak could function like armor and that motivates what we're seeing in the story.
Continuity - 20%
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova Aedile Tali Sroka
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
Headmistress Alethia Archenksova's Score: 4.2 Aedile Tali Sroka's Score: 3.95
Posts

Kashyyyk Rainforest Canopies

The wild planet of Kashyyyk is known to be home to the gentle, but short-tempered race of Wookiees. Wild and untamed, the lush, wroshyr tree-filled forests form a multi-layered deathtrap. The local wildlife presenting more dangers as one descends towards the forest floor. However, as one ascends the vertical environment, the danger of falling increases until one comes in contact with the Wookiee settlements. Fauna and flora flourish in delight, growing within dirt pockets in the crevices of the trees. Some of these plants are carnivorous, becoming larger and deadlier closer to the forest floor. Others have some form of consciousness, able to communicate with the Wookiees to give some understanding of their use.

Kashyyyk Rainforest Canopies

Above the Wookie settlements rests the wild rainforest canopies. Within the crevices of the trees, empty fruit and rotting shells from seeds show the spring season has ended. A soft wind whistles between the thick vines and shrubs that stick to the trunks of the ancient and sleeping giants. Despite the never-ending lack of footholds aside from the branches of wroshyr trees, a series of abandoned and rotting platforms are suspended a hundred meters above the surface, once home to its own Wookiee settlement. Overgrown and decayed, it has since nourished countless plants and trees with their outstretched branches sheltering the dense and soft floor from the extreme sun rays and torrential rain. Upon closer inspection unusual signals become noteable. Moss carpets particular areas on the platforms and nowhere else, and tree-dwelling animals and birds never seem to land on the surface.

Tread carefully, or fall whim to the creatures that inhabit this terrain.

Tali checked the settings on her repulsor belt before peering over the platform's edge at her destination, a derelict shack several meters below her. Back in the village proper, she'd been comfortable. The Wookiees were a hospitable race, and thriving despite their history of enslavement. And their families take care of each other, she mused bitterly.

But that was in the village; there were no Wookiees here. This area had been abandoned for years, and Tali wasn't confident that the rotting wroshyr wood beneath her could even bear her weight.

Oh vell. I have done worse things, she thought to herself before taking a step off the platform. Her stomach lurched as she plummeted the first two meters down, before the repulsorlift generators kicked in and she floated gently down to hover several centimeters off of the walkway outside the shack. With some trepidation, the Twi'lek deactivated the belt and landed on the walkway with a light thud. The wood creaked, but seemed solid enough. Tali took a deep breath in relief, then worked on expanding her consciousness outward.

She didn't know exactly whom she was supposed to meet here. Maenaki had just given her the coordinates and a datapad to hand over. When Tali had asked who the contact was, Mae had only smiled sweetly and told the Twi'lek that she wouldn't have any trouble figuring it out. The mottled armor Tali wore would presumably identify her — despite the dark color, it was unmistakably a Jedi design.

As she reached out with the Force, Tali felt a single person in the hut in front of her. Easy enough, she thought. She set forth, growing more confident in the walkway's integrity with each step.

Gingerly, she peeked into the shack. It was unlit, and the windows were boarded up. But as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, a figure materialized in a chair on the opposite side of the room, positioned where one could watch the door without easily being seen from outside.

"Hello?" the Twi'lek asked quietly. "I have a datapadt for you."

A screeching, instinctual feeling almost forced Tali to duck as a blue stun blast soared over her head. She was less lucky with the fibercord whip that looped around her, pinning her arms to her sides. A swift yank pulled her over, and spots filled her vision as she landed hard on one lek. The Twi'lek yipped with pain and shock.

"I have to admit, I didn't expect you to actually be dressed like one of my people."

Tali blinked a few times to clear her vision as the pain subsided. A Human woman loomed over her, her armor almost identical to Tali's own. The fibercord whip was linked to one wrist, while her other hand held a blaster, leveled at Tali's face.

"Vhat do you vant from me? I have done nothing!"

"Yes, I saw to that," the Human said cooly. "I don't think your friend will be interested in the datapad anymore."

Tali craned her neck to look at the figure in the chair, an Umbaran dressed in the telltale armor of an Inquisitor. He wasn't breathing, and now that her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, she could see a pool of nearly congealed blood under the chair.

"Vhat? No, I was only doing vhat Maenaki toldt me —" The Twi'lek's words were abruptly cut off by a swift kick to the ribs. Far from subduing her, the pain cleared Tali's head. She looked into her attacker's deep blue eyes and waved one hand as best she could under the whip.

"You vant to get some fresh air," Tali said firmly. The Human's eyes went foggy and she started to amble over to the door. She jerked to a halt as she reached the end of the fibercord whip, held back by Tali's dead weight on the floor. She snapped out of her fugue, shaking her head to clear her mind, but by that point Tali had managed to get her lightsaber into one hand and ignited it. The Twi'lek quickly severed the fibercord with her blade, frantically working to cut through her bonds while she had the chance.

As Tali scrambled to her feet, she only just got her lightsaber in front of her as the now-cognizant Human turned and opened fire with her blaster. She deflected several bolts as she edged her way to the doorway, finally dropping her guard and running full tilt off into the maze of platforms and walkways.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 9 August, 2017 12:54 AM UTC

But as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, a figure materialized in a chair on the opposite side of the room, positioned where one could watch the door without easily being seen from outside.

Like a proper Mentant. nod

Was it an ambush? Had she been set up? Had Mae sold her to the enemy? Why was the Inquisitorius agent dead? Questions raced through Tali's head as she ran along the sodden walkways at a reckless pace. A crimson bolt abruptly nipping past her lek interrupted her troubled thoughts.

“Eeep!”

The reaction was primal, gravity asserting its dominance as her foot struggled for purchase on the treacherous cross-plank.

Alethia suppressed a scowl of disapproval at her own marksmanship as the follow-up bolt punched through thin air where the Jedi’s torso had been. How dare she make a mockery of her well-laid plans and humiliate her in such a manner? On the outside, not a hair was out of place and her expression was as cold and unreadable as ever, but on the inside she was already stalking her prey.

Thank the Emp— the Force I came prepared, the silver-haired Odanite thought to herself, catching the old habit of her past and forcing it to conform to the new life into which she’d sworn. The Empire was gone, but she could still hunt these rabble-rousers. Raising her wrist mounted comms to her mouth, she sprang off after the Twi’lek. “Buddy, engage.”

Alethia paused. Had she really just called KX-57 'Buddy?' The Jedi’s mind games must have gotten her worse than she’d imagined.

Fumbling with the controls of her repulsor belt while plummeting through Kashyyyk's skies, Tali finally managed to re-engage the device and the reassuring hum of repulsorlift generators slowed her descent. Having reasserted her independence of the primal force pulling her down, she floated toward a platform near the base of a giant wroshyr tree. Dark colorations upon the woodwork hinted at great age, but it looked sturdy enough at a glance. Gingerly stepping upon the platform and deactivating the fail-safe that she now owed two life-debts to, the Twi’lek took a moment to collect herself.

Tap

Tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap.

Pieces of tree bark rained upon the wooden platform with a soft patter, a stray piece striking her in the head and alerting her of the oncoming threat. Craning her neck up, Tali had to blink twice, three times, to make sure she was not dreaming.

Clinging to the bark of the wroshyr tree like a feline to a scratching post, a bulky combat droid slid down its massive trunk with a rain of chips thrown up by the friction of its descent. Despite the lowered visibility this far down, Tali could see the machine clearly as the pilot flame of its flamethrower glinted off its polished metal shell.

If that bloody voman vas a droidt, I bet she’dt look just like…

WHOOOSH!

The thought never reached its conclusion as a gout of flame suddenly erupted towards her, emerging from the weapon’s muzzle like a belching dragon’s breath. She had not been prepared for this, not at all, and as she threw herself to the side to escape the blazing inferno, tongues of flame still licked her back.

Intense heat flared through her cloak. Rolling sideways upon the abandoned platform, Tali thumbed the clasp of the garment to discard it, the cloth ablaze with a cocktail of chemicals. As the cloak slid off her and burned up upon the sodden planks, the Twi’lek regained her unsure footing and drew her blaster. She homed in on the pilot flame.

Despite its arrested descent, KX-57 landed with a thud that made the platform creak and shudder beneath its metal feet. A sizable portion of the damp wood in front of it was smoldering, the rising smoke obscuring its photoreceptors from achieving a solid lock on its target. The olfactory sensor nestled in its chest reported the composition of the residue as mostly organic with trace elements suggesting synthetic cloth of the type used in all-temperature cloaks. The droid filed this information away and scanned the soot-choked battlefield. Panning the flamethrower’s muzzle from left to right, a flash of coral light registered beyond the smoke.

Overclocked data processors analyzed the threat in nanoseconds, calculating the trajectory to its chest and sending a priority realignment order to the primary locomotion servos. Lurching to the side with a speed almost impossible for a droid of its bulk, KX-57 shifted to avoid critical damage, the blaster bolt striking it in the shoulder with a sharp hiss of melting metal.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 9 August, 2017 1:11 AM UTC

Alethia paused. Had she really just called KX-57 'Buddy?' The Jedi’s mind games must have gotten her worse than she’d imagined.

I don't get why Alethia would call her KX droid Buddy. You also refer to the droid as a KX-57, but there are no numbers assigned to the KX-series secruity droids after checking Wookipedia. It confused me and made me question the item on Alethia's loadout and how it's used. It also happens a few times.

Alethia scowled through her blaster scope. Even if she had been able to see anything other than smoke and flashes of light, the probability of her hitting the Twi'lek at this range was minimal.

The Wookiees have to have some way down. The Human scanned the platforms near Buddy — the droid — and the Twi'lek, searching for a ladder, a freight elevator, anything, before finally spotting a neatly carved hole in the bark of one of the wroshyr trees. Is that a dumbwaiter?

The KX unit was a useful tool, but unlikely to survive a battle against a Sith and less likely still to take one in alive. As was so often the case, it was up to Alethia to do the job properly. Sighing, Archenksova picked her way through the maze of platforms, darting from one to the next until she made it to the tree where a thick wroshyr wood door led to the dumbwaiter. The door had warped slightly over the years and wouldn't budge. Exhaling in frustration, she reached for the torch-cum-fushioncutter at her belt, activating it with a snap-hiss.

Within seconds, the door lay in a smoking heap on the platform floor. It certainly wasn't designed for hauling sentients, but Alethia didn't have a better option. Wedging herself into the box within the cavity, Alethia gripped the frayed rope within and began to pull herself down.

The things I do for information security.


Stupid droidt! Vhat didt I ever do to you? Tali kept pulling the trigger, sending a flurry of blaster bolts into the smoke, hoping that at least a few would strike her assailant.

The pilot flame danced back and forth in the darkness, finally erupting into another stream of fire.

Tali yelped, skittering out of the way as the intense heat of the flames singed the exposed skin of her face and lekku. The stream of flames began to sweep back and forth, and the Twi'lek threw herself to back to the floor. Fumbling with her blaster, she let loose with another volley.

The roaring of flames stopped, leaving only the gentle crackling of small, localized fires where the wood was dry enough to catch. Tali waited, for a heartbeat at first, then another, waiting for the next jet of fiery death to engulf her. Eventually, she exhaled in a huff, only then realizing that she'd been holding her breath in anticipation of the next attack.

Gingerly, the Arconan climbed to her feet. Through the steam and smoke, she could make out the crumpled form of the KX droid. She edged forward, craning her neck for a better look, and saw the ragged holds of a half dozen blaster impacts in the droid's chassis. She lifted her weapon and fired one last shot into the droid's head, just to be sure it stayed down.

The relief had barely set in before the Force once again cried out in warning. Tali dove to the floor as a series of three blaster bolts lanced through the space where she'd been standing. I might as vell just stay down here, she thought ruefully.

"Those Sith reflexes won't keep you safe forever," the Human called out from a few meters away.

Tali didn't want to agree, but as she lay panting on the platform, she knew her chances to escape were growing bleak.

"Now, there are far worse things than me lurking below us. You can take your chances with them, or you can toss me your lightsaber and we can discuss this like civilized beings."

"Vhat do you vant from me?"

Tali was answered with an explosion of splinters as the Human fired another blast bolt into the platform about thirty centimeters from her head. The Twi'lek flinched, pulling her lekku in tight against her torso.

"I believe I told you to surrender your weapon."

Tali complied, fetching her lightsaber from her belt and rolling it off into her captor's general direction.

"Good. Now I have three questions, and I want you to think carefully before you answer them. Who are you, what do you have on that datapad, and what reason do I have to take you in alive?"

Tali fought to keep her voice steady, then started talking.

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 9 August, 2017 1:29 AM UTC

The KX unit was a useful tool, but unlikely to survive a battle against a Sith

Tali isn't a Sith (Gray Jedi) and nothing on her CS points to being a Sith. This comes up again in dialogue later on.

blast bolt

blast ain't no type of bolt I've heard of.

The droid resumed its relentless advance. Using its flamethrower to keep the Jedi’s aim unsteady, it hunted her down with ruthless efficiency. With nowhere to run, the Twi’lek backed away onto a narrow walkway, leading her into a fresh trap.

The rotting wood beneath her feet was anything but sturdy, but still it held her weight, assisted by the repulsorlift belt now on minimum power. With the droid moving onto the gangway, Tali finally had a chance; the path too narrow for it to avoid her shots.

Aiming her blaster at center mass, Tali felt a scream in her mind and ducked. A suppressed blaster bolt zipped overlek, narrowly missing KX-57, before exploding against the wroshyr's trunk. Turning around, she saw the silver-haired woman at the other end of the walkway, blaster leveled for a follow-up.

She was trapped!

Alethia allowed herself a faint smirk at the look of panic on the Twi’lek’s face, lining up her sights to finish her off. In desperation, Tali jumped, far higher than any normal Twi’lek could, but Alethia had faced Jedi before and adjusted her lead. The trigger pull was gentle, the bolt emerging from her blaster like a molten ruby and hurtling towards its mark.

At the zenith of her ascent, the Jedi twisted around, spinning like a ballerina as she pulled out her lightsaber. The carefully aimed shot collided with an emerging plasma beam, deflecting up high into the wroshyr canopy.

Somewhere above, birds scattered.

The Jedi remained hovering in mid-air and Alethia fired again, the bolt finding its mark, but passing through the Twi’lek’s fading form. Treachery? She felt the walkway shift. Alethia tensed as something pressed against her back, the emitter of a lightsaber.

“Don’t, move.” The Twi’lek’s words were cold, almost uncharacteristically so, as she held her weapon against her foe’s back, finger on the ignition.

Alethia could gamble on her cloak withstanding the blade for long enough to disarm her, but she did not like those odds. Not when she had a better plan. With a dry sigh, she tossed away her blaster, the weapon clattering upon the walkway.

Woodchips wafted down behind KX-57.

“Quite impressive, Jedi, but your time is running out. Even as we speak, the OEF closes in on us. I wouldn’t be surprised if crosshairs were aligning on your lekku even now. So better make your move quickly, unless you wish to surrender right now and spare us both the trouble.” If the woman was bothered by the turn of events, she made no sign of it as her voice remained as calm as ever.

“Your droidt, tell it to standt down,” Tali demanded, pressing the lightsaber against her foe’s spine to emphasize her order.

“I don’t think so. KX, now!” The order was followed instantaneously as the droid lurched forward, dropping the flamethrower and picking up its mistress’ discarded blaster, aligning the sights with mechanical precision on the Twi’lek’s head.

It hesitated.

The walkway swayed, the weapon was hot, his injured shoulder gyros malfunctioned. The shot would not be 100 % accurate and a missed bolt could kill Alethia.

“Take the shot!” The anger in Alethia’s voice was a rare outburst and it startled the droid. The firing solution remained poor.

“Tell your droidt to standt down,” Tali repeated her order, this time forcing the thoughts into Alethia’s mind.

The woman resisted. “K-KX…-57. I order you t-to…”

A warning chimed in Tali’s mind, her concentration to the Human broken in that instant.

“...Take the shot!”

KX-57 complied. The blaster bolt struck out, missing its mark but scorching the Twi’lek’s left lek. She cried out in horrendous agony and slipped off the walkway, moments before a massive wroshyr branch crashed behind the droid, seared off by Alethia’s deflected bolt. The walkway buckled and snapped, droid and owner alike tumbling towards the ground after the unconscious Twi’lek.

Tali awoke to a sensation of aquatic motion. Hurting all over and reeling from the lek wound, she realized she was hovering a few inches over Kashyyyk’s surface, held aloft by her repulsorlift belt. Scattered around her were remains of the walkway, bundles of snapped vines and the twisted, blood-smeared wreck of the KX-droid that had tried to protect its mistress to the end; the third law of motion having proven its better.

A predatory growl sounded in the darkness beyond.

Oh frak me…

Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae, 9 August, 2017 2:02 AM UTC

With the droid moving onto the gangway, Tali finally had a chance; the path too narrow for it to avoid her shots.

the path was too narrow...

For the semicolon to work, there needs to be a functioning independent clause on either side, or a list where the listed items have commas so a semi-colon is used instead of a comma.

The Jedi remained hovering in mid-air and Alethia fired again, the bolt finding its mark, but passing through the Twi’lek’s fading form. Treachery? She felt the walkway shift. Alethia tensed as something pressed against her back, the emitter of a lightsaber.

So, I absolutely love this trickery. Very good storytelling that literally "hah got em'd" me. The issue here is that at +2, Illusions like that are hard to just pop off the hip. They require concentration, and Tali has been rolling around and narrowly escaped an attack droid.

“Don’t, move.” The Twi’lek’s words were cold, almost uncharacteristically so, as she held her weapon against her foe’s back, finger on the ignition.

Alethia could gamble on her cloak withstanding the blade for long enough to disarm her, but she did not like those odds.

While armorweave can give some protection against LS, per the item, it's nothing more than a regular cloth cloak in the ACC.