Augur Locke Sonjie vs. Savant Varuk Kru

Augur Locke Sonjie

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
vs.

Savant Varuk Kru

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Umbaran, Force Disciple, Techweaver, Sentinel
Comment

Thank you both for putting in the time to participate in the ACC, and I hope you will continue to be regular competitors and strive to improve your writing.

In terms of syntax there were only some minor differences between the posts. Locke's posts were nearly perfect, with only a few small formatting mistakes. Varuk's posts, meanwhile, had a number of small mistakes, but nothing that significantly impacted the writing.

For this match, in particular, I loved the level of storytelling and description on display from Locke. When reading his posts I felt very engaged and involved in the conflict between the characters, and enjoyed the feeling of tension and excitement he managed to invoke. Varuk's post's, while still perfectly enjoyable, didn't quite manage that same level of excitement or emotional involvement.

The deciding factors of the match ended up being based on Continuity and realism. Varuk's posts managed to carefully avoid any errors in these categories, and earned him some crucial points. In contrast, there were a number of realism and continuity errors in Locke's posts that hurt the score significantly. While Locke's posts, I felt, were more engaging and interesting, these errors ultimately dragged down the score enough to decide the match by a hair.

The winner is Varuk Kru.

Hall Duelist Hall - Ranked
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Augur Locke Sonjie, Savant Varuk Kru
Winner Savant Varuk Kru
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Augur Locke Sonjie's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Savant Varuk Kru's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Sepros: Temple of Sorrows
Last Post 26 March, 2018 2:24 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Grot
Syntax - 15%
General Zxyl Bes'uliik Epis Locke Sonjie
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: A number of small errors, but nothing that detracted from the writing. Rationale: Very clean text, with only minor syntax errors that prevented a perfect score
Story - 40%
General Zxyl Bes'uliik Epis Locke Sonjie
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: The story was adequate, but suffered from a lack of vivid description. There was a lot of telling the reader what happened when I wanted to be shown what happened. Rationale: I really enjoyed the story here. The description was vivid, and ample thought was given to the character's internal motivations.
Realism - 25%
General Zxyl Bes'uliik Epis Locke Sonjie
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No errors were noted Rationale: Two realism errors, noted below.
Continuity - 20%
General Zxyl Bes'uliik Epis Locke Sonjie
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No errors were noted Rationale: Two continuity errors, noted below.
General Zxyl Bes'uliik's Score: 4.05 Epis Locke Sonjie's Score: 4.0
Posts

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Located on Sepros, the ancient Temples of Orian have served as the home for Clan Naga Sadow since the Exodus. In particular, the Temple of Sorrow was selected to become the base of operations for all of Clan Naga Sadow. The Temple has been rebuilt upon a once withered base, creating a hybrid of ancient stone and current era technology.

Within the shroud of Sepros' jungles, the spire of the Temple stands tall and menacing. It is constructed at the heart of a large clearing within the trees, with an impressive courtyard flanking it. The courtyard itself is a testament to the ancient origins of the Temple, littered with remains of the previous temple. Vines grow like slithering snakes throughout the crumbling architecture as if trying to strangle what stone remains and drag it into the dirt once more. Moss coats the stones in defiance to the elements that have stripped the stone bare throughout the courtyard. A grand staircase leads from the grassy ground to the main entrance, with secondary platforms on either side that house landing platforms. Several transport shuttles are settled upon the platforms in varying states of readiness as droids see to their maintenance.

Inside the Temple lies the main hall. The walls are shaped from a marble-like structure with elegant, flowing curves as if molded in clay. Columns line the walls leading away from the entrance towards the central chambers, supporting a balcony that stretches along the walls of the hall as a second level. Multiple corridors are seen between the columns, leading towards the Temple proper. Within these pathways reside the quarters many call home, in addition to various training rooms and small libraries.

This is the Temple of Sorrow, the heart of Clan Naga Sadow.

The dark chrome-armored form of Varuk Kru entered into the Temple of Sorrow - also known as the New Sadow Palace within Clan Naga Sadow - from one of the structure's landing pads after being given clearance to land by the resident Warhost Command, combat boots clicking softly against the smooth floor. The marble-like construction of the main hall reflected off the Techweaver's plating and onyx faceplate, with a face of zero emotion and pure resolve hidden under the plated helmet. From the moment he had landed, the Equite had devoted a constant string of attention to completely masking his presence in the Force.

As Kru continued further into the main hall a plethora of personnel going about their business filled his heads up display., the sounds of their voices helping to drown out the Umbaran’s modulated breathing. The former Sith had until this point never stepped foot inside the temple, or even on the planet Sepros - having served his House and Clan thus far from Tarthos. On his first occasion inside the temple, it was because the Savant had been sent as an agent by his House Summit to retrieve secure tactical information from Clan archives located deep inside the temple.

Aware of this plan through the interception of transmissions to the Umbaran's shuttle, the Ugly Gizka while it was in transit to Sepros, the Clan summit had prepared an adequate response and alerted personnel stationed at the Temple of Sorrow to their plan - as well as not to interfere. In response, they promptly dispatched one of Naga Sadow’s trusted members and a former Consul to end the breach and prevent the archival access.

The armoured Equite quickly turned into one of the adjacent corridors off of the main hall, the activity level in the area immediately dropping around him. The further he travelled down it, the quieter it became until he reached a turbolift nexus and nobody else was nearby. The only sounds were Varuk’s dull modulated breathing and the hum of the lifts on the other sides of the doors as they travelled to different floors other than his own. One of his black gloved fingers pressed the call button for the turbolifts before him. Immediately, the one in front of him showed it coming towards his floor. After several moments, the doors slowly slid open to reveal a purple robed figure. While the two had yet to meet, the Umbaran had heard of the former Consul before him.

“Varuk Kru!” called the voice of Locke Sonjie, Son of Sadow. The Krath had quickly locked onto his target the moment the door opened, bringing down the bright yellow blade of his lightsaber Dreadbane upon the Sith Armor-wearing intruder. Varuk swung his body weight to the left as he threw his armoured form sideways, allowing the lightsaber to bypass him as he drew his own.

Kru took a large step backward, moving out of immediate sight of the open lift doors as his right hand reached behind and grabbed the perfectly machined titanium lightsaber Tenebrae Duellum. As the hilt was brought around front and connected with the his other gauntleted hand in a low-ready position, the dual-handed grip on the hilt compressed a pressure switch and activated the two amethyst crossblades before the main lightsaber blade roared to life.

The Arcanist followed the armoured target by exiting the lift, bringing *Dreadbane’s own blade across in a sweeping horizontal strike just below the waist. The temple infiltrator lowered his own blade to parry, causing a small flash of light as the two blades crashed together. “By order of the Consul, you are to cease your actions immediately and surrender,” barked Locke.

Grot, 3 April, 2018 9:24 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The combat description is very detailed, and clearly a lot of thought has been put into the character's choreography.

Can be Improved

A number of small punctuation and formatting mistakes, but nothing that interfered too much with the piece.

The set-up here is adequate, but suffers from some problems narrative wise. In my mind the maxim of "show, don't tell" applies here. The post spends a good deal of time telling us these little details and facts about how the two characters got where the were, and why they're there, when it might have been better served showing us this through conversation, internal monologue, or context clues.

Varuk's only reply to Locke's command was to step back enough to give himself space to break their two weapons apart. The Savant followed the move with a powerful two-handed downward chop.

Locke side-stepped, positioning his own blade so that Varuk's would slide along it, passing harmlessly through the space which the Augur had just occupied. Even so, Locke felt his opponent's strength push against his own, most pronounced in the brief stress on the Augur's wrist joints until he separated his lightsaber from Varuk's, spinning it just enough to aim a quick slice up toward the Savant's midsection.

The attack would have bisected Varuk from hip to opposite shoulder, but he turned and brought his lightsaber across his chest to bash Locke's weapon away. The Augur let the movement carry him through a spin, taking several steps away to gain ground between himself and Varuk. He eyed the other man, who showed little emotion in return.

"Not even a sneer?" Locke asked, showing a hint of a smile. "The jig is up on your Quaestor's little rebellion. Sang knows, and he isn't very pleased."

Varuk was fairly strong and Locke knew he would have to be careful, but he intended to carry out Sang's orders to the letter: eliminate Varuk's ability to fight so that he could be safely apprehended by Sadowan personnel. The Savant just studied Locke, as if looking for an opening, so the Augur continued his lecture, taking another two steps backward, toward one of the Temple's smaller libraries.

Locke made his tone just condescending enough to be obvious. "We'll teach you all what happens to traitors. You are merely the first lesson to our upstart Quaestor. May the Force have mercy on you."

Apparently, that was enough to rouse the Savant to action. Varuk showed the slightest hint of a snarl, before charging forward, unleashing a relentless assault at Locke. The Augur parried each strike as best he could, letting himself be pushed back continuously.

He fell back into the library and was soon surrounded by floor-to-ceiling shelves, made of the same marble material that made up much of the Temple. A mixture of ancient, dusty tomes and newer datapads and databooks lined the shelves, the latter showing signs of neglect. This was not one of the more noteworthy libraries in the Temple, and Locke would not be remiss if it was damaged.

Let Varuk think he is winning, Locke planned in his head. Make him feel secure in his victory, then strike.

Soon, the Augur felt a slowing in his parries that he could not attribute to his own designs, and it was certainly not due to fatigue. He had fought for hours without tiring, but now he sluggishly parried Varuk's attacks, feeling the strain just a bit more in his wrist each time the weapons clashed. He tried to adjust the angles of his parries to compensate, but it seemed like Varuk was always in the right position to hammer against Locke's defenses.

The Augur decided that it had to be something unnatural. Varuk's face was unreadable. The Savant did not so much as twitch his lips as he pressed his attack.

He thinks he has me.

If he could leverage that, it would fit in with his plans well enough.

Summoning the Force, Locke shunted that energy to his arms, energizing his muscles to enhance their agility. It counteracted whatever had been inhibiting him, and Locke was able to parry his surprised opponent's weapon to the side enough to give himself a slight opening. He opened himself to the dark side, thoughts shifting from calm to burning hatred in a split-second.

Teeth grinding as he snarled, Locke released lightning from his free hand. Varuk caught it on his own weapon, but the energy was only a distraction. Locke held the dark side a moment longer, crouching to lower his palm toward the ground, releasing a blast of pure Force energy that blasted outward.

The shelves shook from the impact, tossing precariously positioned books and datapads onto the floor. Varuk was knocked backward, giving Locke enough time to prepare his next move. The Augur studied his opponent briefly, motes of dust fluttering in the air between them.

Grot, 3 April, 2018 9:24 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The story felt very engaging, and i loved getting a look into Locke's inner monologue as the fight went on. Watching him scheme against Varuk lent a sense of tension and excitement to the fighting as i waited to see what he had planned.

Can be Improved

Very clean syntax wise, only a few minor mistakes.

The description in this post can get repetitious at times. There's a tendency to refer to both characters by their rank (Augur, Savant) instead of their names or titles. This was used so much it became repetitious and lightly off putting to read.

"Summoning the Force, Locke shunted that energy to his arms, energizing his muscles to enhance their agility. It counteracted whatever had been inhibiting him, and Locke was able to parry his surprised opponent's weapon to the side enough to give himself a slight opening."

In this passage Locke appears to be using Amplification to counteract the effects of Slow from Varuk. This use of Amplification requires a special talent, Disjunction, to do. Locke should not have been capable of doing this in this way.

Varuk showed the slightest hint of a snarl...

Here, and in several other places in the post, Varuk is mentioned as showing visible facial expressions. However, Varuk is wearing a black face-plate which entirely hides his expression, as established in the previous post. None of this should be visible to an outside observer.

Varuk stumbled backwards briefly until catching his balance, leveling himself back into a low-ready position with his lightsaber drawn. The amethyst blades of the lightsaber in his hands singed at the dust particles caught within their reach, while some slowly began to settle on the Techweaver's dark chrome armor. As the Augur stared into the faceless onyx mask of his opponent, he felt complete resolve in his duty. Neither body made a noise aside from the Ragnosian's continuous - but now heavy - modulated breathing.

Locke brandished the yellow blade of his lightsaber, having solidified his plan. The former Consul could not beat his opponent in a test of might, but there was a chance he could best him using wit. After all, the Clan Summit didn't require all of him, just most of him.

Until this point, Kru had been allowing his dissatisfaction for the situation to boil inside him, with external emotion. The plan had gone completely awry; the communications to his ship had been intercepted, the Clan Summit alerted to House Marka Ragnos' plan, and he himself was now facing a Son of Sadow in one-on-one combat inside the most fortified Sadowan facility in the system.

The former Sith’s armored form marched forward as he brought his lightsaber across in an upper horizontal slash level with Sonjie’s bicep. The Makashi lightsaber duelist quickly brought his blade up to block the oncoming strike with maximum strength as he pushed his body weight backwards one step, removing his torso from the purple blade’s path entirely. The gauntleted hands of the Savant gripped the hilt of his lightsaber tighter, as he took a step forward and brought the unique crossguard weapon back down in a diagonal strike from the opposing side.

Once again the blades locked together briefly with a small flash of sparks, with the Augur taking another step backwards. At this pace, it would not be long before he ran out of room. Locke took a moment to quickly backed off from the conflict and made some room between their two bodies while using nearly all of his remaining room. Yet there was a plan.

When Varuk’s armoured form approached for yet another attack, Locke lowered himself slightly before sending as much power surging through his legs as his abilities would allow; pushing from the smooth floor surface covered in debris and librarial records and into the air. As the purple robed figure catapulted over the Umbaran the hulking armored man stopped his strike and turned, filling the cornered space that the former Consul had just occupied.

The Augur shook his head for a moment as his senses detected his foe’s commitment. Kru’s determination and resolve to complete his mission were also absolute, and could not be swayed. No other option lay before him.

“There is no escape,” sneered Sonjie, holding his place for a moment as a hand reached for his belt to retrieve a grenade stocked there. It pulled the secured adhesive grenade, and toggled the small timer as Locke cocked his arm back. “You’re mine, traitor.”

When the purple robed arm began to come forward to throw the grenade, the Umbaran’s right hand raised towards Sonjie. Channeling the negative emotion and dissatisfaction that had been accumulating inside him since the conflict first began with the Krath, the Savant unleashed a surge of Force energy through his fingertips as his mind targeted the human’s joints and muscles directly. Locke’s body froze in place as stasis was forced onto his body, eyes going wide as the grenade in his hand exploded a moment later.

The initial explosion of force from the grenade and outward burst of adhesive sent the yellow lightsaber-holding Sadowan to his hands and knees, trapping him inside the sticky and gooey substance. Since it immediately began to dissipate, the Sith Armor-wearing combatant seized the opportunity. He stepped forward, with Locke’s head coming up to face him.

Your treason ends here,” scorned Varuk’s robotic voice, lightsaber raised high in the air, “Then I will carry out my mission.”

The weapon came down - the largest of the amethyst blades separating the Augur’s head from the rest of his body. It fell to the floor, with the remaining lifeless hulk collapsing to the floor once freed from the adhesive of the grenade. Kru stared at the body momentarily, deactivating his lightsaber and returning it the rear of his waist as he continued with the extraction of data as planned.

Grot, 3 April, 2018 9:24 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

I really liked the ending here. Using Locke's own grenade against him was a very clever way to end the fight, and i found myself very satisfied by the resolution.

Can be Improved

Syntax errors continue at roughly the same rate, but the writing remains unimpeded.

" Varuk stumbled backwards briefly until catching his balance,..."

This part of the post was already established by the previous post. Going over it again here is superfluous.

Locke appreciated knowledge, but he considered himself a practical man. He had lured Varuk to this library because it was small, out of the way, and filled with unimportant tomes. Sang had said none of it was important.

It was as ideal a place as any for their fight to get messy.

Time seemed to slow as Locke watched Varuk react to the wave of Force energy he had unleashed. The Savant either lost his grip or decided to discard his lightsaber, letting it drop as he stepped backward, barely keeping his balance as the wave pushed against him. In place of the lightsaber, Varuk raised one of his bryar pistols.

Cursing under his breath, Locke jumped behind a nearby bookcase, a shot just missing him. He counted two more in fast succession. The Augur frowned. That seemed fast for a bryar pistol.

It was unimportant. He had to think quickly. Locke had never been good at blocking blaster bolts with his lightsaber, and he wasn't going to practice now. Shifting his lightsaber to his off hand and clipping it back to his belt, the Augur tossed a fragmentation grenade around the bookshelf.

Locke was in motion before it detonated. He ran down the length of the shelf he was hiding behind, hoping to give himself an opportunity to flank Varuk. As Locke readied his DL-44 pistol, he felt and heard the grenade go off. Concussive energy hit the other side of the shelf, causing books and datapads to fall against Locke. His hearing went from crystal clear to a muffled monotone in a split-second as the blast reverberated off the library's walls and was amplified by the small space.

He grunted and shrugged off the books, ignoring his hearing for now and turning around the far end of the bookcase. He expected to find Varuk there, looking toward where Locke had just been. Instead, there was nothing.

Cursing silently, Locke reached out with the Force. He couldn't sense anything. Had Varuk retreated? If he had, he would run into whatever contingency Sang had prepared if Locke would fail. The Augur didn't hear the sounds of battle, so he assumed this was not the case. Varuk must've still been there, somewhere.

The library was dark. There were only a few discount glowbulbs to provide illumination. They lined the ceiling at intervals, gaps in light showing where some had gone out, while others blinked faintly. Locke strained his ears, but they were still deafened from the grenade blast earlier. He only hoped Varuk suffered the same issue.

Locke took one step forward, blaster ready.

He had only the faintest stirring of the hair on his neck to warn something was wrong. Locke turned, just in time to catch a blaster bolt with his stomach. Another followed it, a distant sound followed by his own muffled grunt. Pain exploded from the wound.

Instinctively, the Augur delved into the dark side, sending surges of it toward that spot as he prepared to return fire toward where the shots had come from. It took all of his willpower to aim, targeting the dark outline of a figure who stood to his side. The outline had a shadowy arm extended, blaster in hand.

"Varuk," Locke growled through gritted teeth. He snapped off one shot, striking the other man's weapon hand. Varuk held the hand for a moment before preparing a second bryar pistol - with his other hand. "Fool," Locke muttered. He wouldn't be able to aim with his off hand unless he had trained extensively for it.

Instead of firing the blaster, though, Varuk did something else. Locke felt a surge of Force energy a split-second before a book hit him in the head, blurring his vision. Then a second hit his weapon hand, sending the blaster sliding out of reach. He snarled, frustration and pain threatening to overcome his composure.

"Two can do that," Locke said, teeth bared. His stomach hurt badly, but he forced himself to ignore it. The Augur dropped to his knees, pushing himself against one bookcase. It didn't hurt that badly, but he didn't understand why he couldn't walk.

Everyone has limits, he thought, remembering what one teacher had told him once. But I set my own limits, he reassured himself, concentrating through the pain by what seemed like sheer force of will.

Locke countered Varuk's book with one of his own, then a datapad, flicking his fingers to rapidly manipulate them, only able to aim well enough to reliably hit the other man's torso. His attacks didn't seem to do much damage there, so Locke tried aiming for the other man's head.

Another struck Locke's head as Varuk attacked again. The Augur would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation if he did not feel as if he was near death. They had both shown their strength in the Force and this was going nowhere. Locke tasted blood on his lips; seeing red on Varuk's temple where the Augur had aimed a lucky strike.

He had to end this somehow. They were both at the limit of their abilities. Locke could not go for a weapon while enduring this tempest, and his opponent apparently could not either.

Locke felt as if he had no options left.

He refused to let despair set in. Mind racing, Locke felt another pang from his side and he flooded the area with the dark side again, grunting at what felt like ice numbing his pain, barely keeping it at bay.

The dark side, Locke thought. He still had that. Like an old companion, it came as soon as called. Locke shifted his focus, roaring wordlessly as agony blossomed in his stomach. He raised both his hands, the twisted power surging into them once again. Its pointless, he thought. He was going to die. The pain was too great.

No! Fury overwhelmed his pain. He would not die like this.

Locke struck. One bolt of lightning leaped to Varuk's chest, and the telekinetic attacks slowed.

Another struck the Savant and they stopped altogether.

A final blast exhausted Locke's force energy, but Varuk was reeling, seemingly unable to retaliate.

Smiling through blood-stained lips, Locke used both of his hands to fish out the slugthrower he carried. He was so close. The battle was almost won. Locke licked blood from his lips. Then he unsteadily raised the weapon, aware of Varuk regaining his composure.

The other man was too slow. Locke aimed and fired two slugs. The first missed, shooting over Varuk's shoulder. Seconds dragged on before the second slug fired as Locke's strength gave way. It struck Varuk in the middle of his chest, penetrating the other man's armor and lodging itself somewhere inside his body.

Locke watched as Varuk collapsed paused, then slowly collapsed, clutching his chest with his one good hand. Then Locke forced himself to keep his eyes open and ensure the other man did not move again.

It took Locke several more moments of intense focus to use his comlink to inform Sang that the task was complete.

He remembered nothing after that.

Grot, 3 April, 2018 9:24 PM UTC

Positive Takeaways

The story really shined here. I found myself engrossed into the narrative and really loving the conflict between these two characters. It felt like a true and honest death struggle.

Can be Improved

"Time seemed to slow as Locke watched Varuk react to the wave of Force energy he had unleashed...."

Varuk was already knocked backward in the previous post, and had enough time to stop and study Locke for a moment afterwards, without any other immediate effects. The passage following this seems to directly contradict the previous post with regards to the Telekinetic Wave's effects.

"He had only the faintest stirring of the hair on his neck to warn something was wrong. Locke turned, just in time to catch a blaster bolt with his stomach. Another followed it, a distant sound followed by his own muffled grunt. Pain exploded from the wound."

Without no armoring except for robes, two blaster bolts to the stomach will outright kill or completely disable an opponent. No amount of physical endurance or control would allow him to continue fighting with this sort of injury. Locke would be lucky to even stay conscious here, let alone continue fighting Varuk on anywhere close to an even footing.