Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea vs. Master Marick Tyris Arconae

Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea

Equite 3, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Twi'lek, Sith, Marauder
vs.

Master Marick Tyris Arconae

Elder 2, Elder tier, Clan Arcona
Male Hapan, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Obelisk
Comment

First of all, let me say thank you for competing and completing your SARLACC match! Secondly, apologies for this taking me as long as it did, I shame my family.

Aside from praising you both for a great story, there’s not much to nit-pick on for this match. You both have a solid grasp on the system itself and the mechanics. You both suffered a spattering of minor syntax errors.

Tasha, you have a tendency to write sentence starters that require a comma afterward (however stands out), something I too suffer from (I used instead a lot), keep an eye out, sound them aloud to see if there needs to be a slight pause. Your first post cost you the story advantage for the tie due to lack of conflict, your second post brought it up with all the action and emotions. Also, try to be more consistent in your titles and conventions when it comes to naming, you swapped out lower and upper case often for things such as Disciple and Marauder.

Wally, you ran into some syntax errors here and there, I spelled out...I think all of them. Obfuscation feat brought some questions up in the judge room, either the feat or the wiki is probably going to be tweaked so they agree (one says you can move, the other saying you can move easier but doesn’t grant the ability). The tooltip says you can move, so this wasn’t an error, just a head-scratcher.

All in all, this was an enjoyable match to read and grade!

With a score of 4.25, Marick is the winner!

Hall SARLACC [2021]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Battle Style Singular Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea, Master Marick Tyris Arconae
Winner Master Marick Tyris Arconae
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Battlelord Tasha'Vel Versea's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Master Marick Tyris Arconae's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue [SCENARIO] SARLACC 2021, Round 2: Arx Colosseum
Last Post 22 February, 2021 12:28 AM UTC
Assigned Judge General Stres'tron'garmis
Syntax - 15%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 3 Score: 3 (Advantage)
Rationale: Minor errors numbering about a dozen throughout. Rationale: Minor errors throughout, much fewer in your second.
Story - 40%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 4 Score: 3
Rationale: Suffering from some convenience in your ending post but overall a solid showing. Rationale: Plenty of action in your second and some good descriptiveness! Unfortunately, your first post’s lack of conflict/action brought you back down to a 3.
Realism - 25%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Your second post had an issue that stretch past the point of realistic believability, detailed there (Assassin's Awareness, high tier Perception and Precognition) Rationale: No issues found.
Continuity - 20%
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae Tasha'Vel Versea
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues found. Rationale: No issues found.
Exarch Marick Tyris Arconae's Score: 4.05 Tasha'Vel Versea's Score: 3.97
Posts

colosseum

Arx’s Colosseum is a monument to the original Petranaki arena on Geonosis, the site where the Clone Wars began with an epic clash between Jedi and Sith. However, instead of confining itself to a decrepit ruin, the Colosseum stands as an example of what the Geonosian arena once was.

Walls tall enough to be unscalable for even the most practiced Force-user surround a theatre the size of a holoball field, floored with sandy soil. Above, rows of seats are packed together into sections for spectators to observe the carnage. The dignitaries who preside over the gladiator matches instead find themselves in an elongated platform “box”, with the large stone throne reserved for the most prestigious among them, flanked by smaller seats for their companions. Large holo-projection screens occupy each of the Colosseum’s walls, displaying images of the combat below streamed by the cam droids that circle the arena.

The arena floor itself is, naturally, more dangerous than it appears. A wide assortment of traps are concealed beneath the dirt and sand, including but not limited to: retractable fire-spewing nozzles, power coils firing bolts of lightning, electrified floor panels, deadfalls lined with spikes, and even obelisks that simply erupt from the ground. These traps are operated by sentient technicians in the Colosseum’s control room, well away from the fighting.

You and another member of the Brotherhood have been tasked by the Headmistress of the Shadow Academy with gathering research data on a wide variety of dangerous creatures. In addition to the normal raucous crowds, sophisticated scanning equipment has been set up around the Colosseum floor to monitor the creatures’ behavior and vital signs under a variety of circumstances—including combat and injury.

Your goal in this scenario is twofold: provoke the creatures and hold their attention for long enough that the Shadow Academy scanners can collect a wide variety of physiological data, and prevent the creatures from destroying the scanning equipment placed in the Colosseum by the Academy researchers. Once those tasks are complete, you will be free to leave the arena (if you can) and claim your reward.

The Headmistress would strongly prefer the creature be left alive and useful after the experiment is finished. She would also "prefer" that you not interfere with the research by attempting to rescue the creature, but you may do so at your own peril.

Loud cheers, hoots, and whistles rose into the air as a crowd of aliens sat gathered about the colosseum. They waited eagerly in anticipation for the upcoming event.

There were two figures standing on the sandy soil floor of the colosseum,observing the six expensive pieces of scanning equipment scattered around the entire floor.

"Why do I bother with these missions?" thought the Twi'lek as she watched the scanning equipment turn on.

"That's right - Ciara needed a favor. Well, at least I am not by myself. I just wonder what the hell kind of thing we are supposed to rough up."

She turned her head to her fellow companion. It wasn't everyday she worked alongside Arconans, however this silver haired humanoid standing beside her seemed very calm, despite not knowing everything.

"Marick, I don't suppose they gave you a memo on what kind of creature this is, did they?"

The Arcanist’s deep blue eyes darted about as he shifted his stance slightly, placing his right foot back and turned a bit, so his right side faced towards the back. He tilted his head towards the Twi'lek.

"I received the same information as they gave to you."

Tasha smiled softly. "So this will be a walk in the park, though it has been a long while since I've seen you around. I heard you had retired from the Dark Council. Has anything changed much after you stepped down?"

Surprisingly, a faint hint of a smile played upon the features of the Elder.

"Well, I did become a father recently."

"Congratulations, Marick. I was wondering why your hair got so white; now I know," she jested. "I happen to be a mother myself and completely understand the joys of being a parent."

Marick seemed to relax a little as he gave a slight chuckle. "It is certainly interesting."

Tasha gave an amused smirk at the comment. She opened her mouth to deliver a further quip on the trials of parenthood, but sudden scuffling sounds drew the attention of the pair. Marick raised a hand in the air. His eyes were wide and alert as he looked at Tasha, and gave the barest tilt of the head in the direction of the noise. Tasha nodded back in silent understanding.

The Marauder steeled herself and adopted a defensive posture; she had a sour feeling in the pit of her stomach as several loud clickety-clack noises came closer.

Bringing her left foot back, Tasha unsheathed her echani vibroblade in one smooth motion, bringing the blade forward as she gripped the hilt in both hands. When she needed to strike, she wanted as much power behind the blow as possible.

Still maintaining his stance, Marick called his dark steeled lightsaber to his right hand, igniting the magnificent blue blade with a crackling snap-hiss. As he clasped the blade with both hands on the hilt, he raised it above his head and waited.

Both combatants heard a growly, buzzy hum in their heads.

"I smell fresh flesh…"

"What in the nine hells?" replied the Equite out loud.

The Twi’lek kept her gaze upon the large set of doors on the opposite side of the colosseum arena as the clickety-clack noises became louder.

"Get out of my head and fight me, slimeball!" Tasha yelled as she gripped her blade tighter in anticipation.

Suddenly a very large dark green creature lumbered out of the large doors opposite of the duo. A hellish dark green spiny exoskeleton covered its large arachnid-like body, while six spear-tipped legs tapped the sandy soil as a spiked,barbed tail flickered back and forth. The nightmarish spawn craned its long neck out, as the red slitted eyes on curved eyestalks surveyed the surrounding area. Opening its red maw, the beast revealed numerous sharp white teeth, while two olive green tentacles whipped around wildly in front of its body.

Tasha frowned a bit. "We are facing a Lylek! Nobody ever gives me the full details, dammit!"

"A what?" questioned the Force disciple as he stared at the monstrous beast before them.

"A lylek is the largest apex predator we have on Ryloth. I have only ever seen one once in captivity."

"Any advice on how to kill it?"

Tasha mused a bit before answering. "First rule, stay back. The second rule, usually ran along the lines of ‘run for the hills and don't look back’, however we don't have that privilege. Guess we will need to improvise."

She immediately sprinted out towards the left of the Lylek heading for the far wall of the arena.

"Hey, ugly! Come and get dinner."

Letting out an unearthly cry, the Lylek skittered forward towards the Twi'lek, its tentacles quivering as it closed the gap. The creature raised its barbed tail up, ready to strike the Equite.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 March, 2021 1:00 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Parental bonding is a rare sight to see around here. You introduced not only the creature, a freakish lylek that I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley after you described it but also the mutation of being at least telepathic. Noooope. Do not want.

The banter was nice, the setup was as well!

Can Be Improved


Proofing! You had some minor spelling errors (everyday instead of every day, etc) and missed a few spaces and commas, especially after the word ‘however’ consistently. Also, while not incorrect it can help your Story score, using italics to denote thoughts to avoid confusing the reader can be very helpful, much like you did with the lylek’s telepathy. God, I hope that’s telepathy and it can’t actually talk. That would be more terrifying.

When the lylek first showed up you capped the name as Lylek, which is incorrect, but did it right later, then wrong again. Species names aren't proper nouns (I know we float on that with character species, it’s...wonky) but most importantly is to be consistent.

Other than that, your post lacked conflict or action, which didn't help your Story score.

Marick idly assessed the terrain, taking note of the raised obstacles in the form of boulders and mesas. The air was dry and arid, and the sand and sediment underfoot provided decent traction. To his left, the towering lylek thrashed towards the defiant Tasha'Vel. Versea appeared to be intentionally baiting the creatures attention, which provided Tyris with an obvious opening.

Despite him being an Arconan, the Sadowan seemed to trust him enough for him to get the hint.

He did.

Marick wasted little time darting right and circled around to the lylek’s back. He leapt up onto a raised platform and landed in a crouch atop the rocky formation. In the same concurrent motion, the second lightsaber that had been clipped to the Master’s belt appeared in his off hand. The pair of azure blades glowed vibrantly in tandem.

The Equite, meanwhile, dutifully doged the first strike from the creature’s barbed tail with a burst of speed from the Force. Tasha’Vel’s sapphire skin and patterned lekku became a blur as she dipped, ducked and dove away from the sweeping and stabbing, whip-like appendages.

Oh...a child of Ryloth...how sweet...

At first, Marick thought he was hearing things. But after Tash’Vel had responded verbally to the previous mental intrusion, Marick now suspected that the lylek had somehow learned to communicate telepathically through the Force. The voice seemed...wrong, however.

Without having any way of verifying the source, the sentient malice and weight behind the words were too visceral to be coming from a detached, external presence. That ruled out someone in the spectators trying to interfere with the experiment. He imagined Ciara would not have been pleased at that notion. Biddy, the BD-unit droid that perched on his shoulder beeped nervously.

In the distance, Tasha’Vel continued to fearlessly rebuke the monster infamous among her people.

“You bet I am!” the Twi’lek shouted proudly as she swapped out her vibro blade for her violet lightsaber. This time, when the lylek’s barbed tail honed in on her neck, Tasha’Vel reflexively intercepted the attack and severed the tip of the appendage clean off. The monster shrieked and hissed and tried to retreat backwards...only to run straight into a pair of scintillating, spinning lightsabers.

Directed by Marick’s will, the telekinetically gripped lightsabers rent through the lylek’s mandibles and hooked, insectoid eyes. Fluorescent green blood and inky ichor spewed out in bursts like a fountain before quickly closing off and cauterizing. The lylek flailed blindly, tripped over a protruding rock formation in the Colosseum floor, and then screamed in agony while it wormed violently against the sandy floor. A second pass from the two whirling lightsabers ended its cries and writhing. Marick leapt down from the mesa and jogged over to join Tasha’Vel, ending his mental marrionateing by recalling both lightsabers back to his hands. In the same smooth motion he sheathed the cerulean blades.

“Double tap,” Versea said with a grin and a hint of approval as she disengaged her lightsaber.

“Always,” Marick nodded.

“Almost seemed easy,” the Twi’lek noted as she looked out across the arena, her smile quickly sobering.

“Too easy,” the half-Hapan agreed.

In the stands, the gathered patrons chanted and cheered while scientists in lab coats scribbled furiously at their datapads and pointed excitedly at charts. The duo stepped over to study the corpse of the slain lylek. Marick had never seen one up close before, but had heard plenty of stories, including one about the Emperor and his apprentice during the early stages of the Free Ryloth movement. He tried to remember the details, but they were fuzzy even to his keen memory.

Tasha’Vel similarly studied the body, deep emerald eyes narrowed as a frown formed on her lips. “The lyleks on Ryloth never got this large. And they certainly never had the ability to speak or rationalize...”

“Ashla and Bogan,” Marick swore under his breath, a new habit he had apparently picked up from Atyiru. Once again, it seemed that the scientific pursuit of power had yielded yet another new abomination and threat to the galaxy. Lovely. He started to consider the implications of a four-meter tall, Force sensitive monster with razor sharp legs, menacing mandibles, tentacles, and a jagged tail—

“—your fickle Gods cannot help you here, little Hapan,” the voice resonated in his mind. While the context of the response alone was unnerving, something much more disconcerting dawned on the Arcanist and Marauder.

“I heard it too,” Tasha’Vel whispered.

“Which means that if we killed the lylek, and we still here the voice,” the Arconan continued the train of thought.

“...the voice is not coming from the individual lyleks, but the Queen!” the Sadowan finished.

Clever, clever....

In what the Queen lylek must have considered an amusing award, a new lylek burst free from a sinkhole forty meters away. A second joined it moments later. Then, a third.

“We’re going to need a bigger stick,” Marick sighed.

Tasha’Vel flashed a feral grin as she whipped out her hefty mythosaur axe and readied the two-handed weapon with deadly intent. “One step ahead of you.”

Marick ignited and then tossed both lightsabers out in front of him and caught them with the Force before they could fall to the ground. As they hovered independently in the air, the Master broke off two corners of his mind to maintain a passive command over each blade. He filled his empty hands with the static pike he had picked up before heading to Colosseum.

I hope you enjoy meeting the rest of my children. I, too, look forward to meeting each of yours, in kind.

Wordlessly, Versea and Tyris both charged towards the approaching lyleks, neither parent prepared to let creatures like these live as potential threats to their children.

Biddy, who was also very protective and attached to Marick’s daughter, chirped a battlecry of his own as he rode on Marick’s shoulder.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 March, 2021 1:00 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


A lot of combat here, as well as story progression. I almost had a moment of 'are you kidding me' when Marick killed 'the threat' off in this, the second post, but figured you were bringing in more.

Elder 2 OP, please nerf

Can Be Improved


You had a few spelling errors, I'll start with the most confusing one.

ending his mental marrionateing by recalling both lightsabers back to his hands.

Marrionateing is not really a word, a marionette is a doll, not the act of controlling it. Puppeteering or manipulating would be the proper way to say this.

“Which means that if we killed the lylek, and we still here the voice,”
I think you know what you did.

Remember, ellipses have three dots, 'clever, clever...'

As one of the smaller lylek approached the Twi'lek, Tasha'Vel shifted her body weight in preparation. Pivoting off of one foot, she swung her Mythosaur axe in a mighty arc. She gripped the weapon's handle with both hands and felt the axe blade cleave cleanly through two of the creature's spear-tipped legs.

She followed through and struck the spiny green side of the lylek. Marick took advantage of the distraction as he turned the electropike in his grip and plunged the pike's tip deep into the beast's neck while the blue energy blade of one of his lightsabers melted through its exoskeleton like hot butter. The creature was torn in half.

"Not bad, Marick."

Tasha pulled her axe from the dead creature with a grunt of exertion and immediately whirled it around to the right of her to parry another set of spear tipped legs and tentacles from the second lylek.

Meanwhile the third lylek had leaped toward Marick, causing his droid to beep furiously. The Arcanist seemed unphased. He glanced at the creature for a moment, and his second azure blade twisted to slice off the barbed tail trying to sting him. The creature howled in pain as two of its legs reared up to stab the Hapan.

"It will soon be over."

"I know you are here somewhere. Show yourself. Or are you that frightened that you will be the one hunted down? How disappointing that the queen of the hive is too cowardly and too weak to defend herself." goaded the Equite. The Marauder brought the axe around again to scarcely deflect another barbed tail attack. Tasha'Vel gritted her teeth as the second lylek's tentacles whipped outward. She felt the appendage coil around her waist. She drove her weapon downward in a desperate, cleaving strike. There seemed to be a few moments of confusion as the creature contorted in pain, but the Equite was successful. With the tentacle severed from the body, the Sadowan was able to chop the axe into the thorax, driving the Mythosaur bone plates deeper into the lylek's midsection.

Meanwhile, Marick turned around and stabbed the pike into the third lylek as his lightsaber blades made short work of the creature's back. His droid gave a victorious chirp as the lylek fell backwards. Despite his heart racing, he still maintained his calm composure and surveyed the area.

"I have you now."

The ground beneath Tasha'Vel and the second Lylek erupted, kicking up a huge dust cloud of sandy soil. Two long green tentacles flew out of the ground. The tentacles seemed to thrash about a moment before both came to wrap around the Marauder. Though she struggled, Tasha found she could not move either arms. Still, she struggled against the constriction. She was able to move her hands at least, if only by great exertion, beneath the strong grip of her attacker.

"Oh, frak!"

A long barbed tail lashed out quickly, stinging the Twi'lek's dangling, exposed left leg as the Queen emerged. The Queen was as large as a desert rancor and her forest-green exoskeleton gleamed in the light. Her scarlet eyes glared at her prey as she opened her enormous maw full of sharp teeth.

"I will devour you, your companion, and all of your children."

Tasha'Vel spit upon the beast's constricting tentacles. She could already feel the poison working through her as it began to paralyze her body. She and Marick would need to work fast.

"I will stop you, even if it is the last thing I do!" The marauder's eyes burned with hatred as she screamed out. Turning her palms over against the coiled tentacles, the Twi'lek concentrated her mind and will as azure lightning rippled from her palms to the green tentacles around her. She imagined the Queen taking Lynna'Vel, the thought angered her further sending a large burst of blue lightning that swarmed upwards through the tentacles to the Lylek's body.

The monster roared out in pain as the tentacles briefly let go of its captive. Tasha'Vel could not move her arms or legs for the paralytic poison had done its work. As she fell from the Queen's grasp she could only watch the ground rising up to meet her as she struck the sandy soil near the Lylek.

"Marick, help." Tasha replied as she looked up at the reeling Queen.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 March, 2021 1:01 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


Wooo you found the action button and you spammed it here, well done!

The lightning write up was well done, the emotional impetus was a great touch you don't often see when people use this power.

Can Be Improved


A couple of syntax errors here and there.

Meanwhile the third lylek had leaped toward Marick, causing his droid to beep furiously.

Much like however, the meanwhile at the start needs a comma.

Though she struggled, Tasha found she could not move either arms.

If this had ended with 'either of her arms' or simply 'either arm' it would have been okay. The either implies plurality in this case, so you didn't need to denote 'arms'.

On the one hand, the Queen was now in play on the holochess board, which saved them the trouble of tracking her down. On the other, the tides had shifted rather quickly from a two-on-one advantage to a Force-sensitive lylek against a lone half-Hapan.

Fortunately, one of the operators controlling the arena must have recognized the sudden shift of power, and raised a short wall of stone from the ground between the lylek Queen and the Twi’lek. A long nozzle opened from the sidewall of the colosseum and spat out a gout of flame, forcing the Queen to hiss and skitter backwards on its spear-tipped legs. She turned her attention to the silly contraption, which gave Marick an opening.

Fighting against his primal instinct to rush over to his fallen ally, Tyris instead put some distance between himself and their new foe. As he ran, the Master recalled his telekinetic lightsabers and deactivated them before clipping them to his belt. Similarly, he slung the static pike over his shoulders to keep his hands free.

From his perch on the Arconae’s shoulder, Biddy’s photoreceptors lingered longingly on the Twi’lek friend they had left behind. The BD-unit whistled a soft, somber beep that Marick did not require a translator for to understand.

“Biddy, go. I’ll catch up,” Tyris whispered to the little droid, hoping the task would keep him ready for when he needed him. The BD-unit nodded his blocky head in affirmation before scampering off across the arena, bouncing from obstacle to obstacle with pointed determination. It was only then that Marick realized that a faint sandstorm had kicked up, gusts of wind creating a faint layer of distortion.

Perfect, Marick thought as he pulled the hood of his armorweave cloak tighter to his head.

With the droid gone, the half-Hapan’s body faded from sight over the span of a few elongated heartbeats. It had taken the former Shadow time to adjust, but he was now confident in moving again while using Force cloak. The Arcanist just had to maneuver more deliberately than he had in the past.

With time running short, Marick positioned himself just outside the range of a trio of conductive rods that appeared to be waiting for some kind of motion to trigger their cage-like trap. Once behind cover of a stray boulder, he released his Force veil to regain his full focus. He fished out the glowrod from his belt. He carefully rolled the field tool behind the trap and then did the same with each of his lightsaber hilts.

With those in place, Marick cloaked himself once again and then doubled back towards where Biddy had roosted protectively over an immobile Tasha’Vel. He risked a glance towards the lyek Queen, only to see her rip off a second flame-nozzle that had appeared from the colosseum wall, crumpling it into shrapnel with her powerful tentacles. He knelt down beside the prone Twi’lek, lowered his Force cloak, and cast his gaze back towards the electric coils in the distance.

No time, need to do it now, Marick rationalized as he squinted through the stinging sweat dripping down into his eyes. Reaching out with the Force across the length of the arena, Marick took hold of his two saber hilts and the glowrod resting in the sand behind the static coil trap. He levitated the lightsabers up into the air and triggered the activators, twin beams of azure light springing to life through the haze of sand.

Foolish boy, your bitter swords of light won’t help you either.

Marick lowered himself into a zen-like state of mind that allowed him to ignore the mental intrusion. Even the faintest of reaction to the Queen’s probing would give away his position. So the Master concentrated solely on the task of keeping the twin sapphire sabers and glowrod hovering in place, as if the Arconae was standing his ground and wielding them defiantly.

Most likely due to the obfuscation from the clouds of windblown sediment, the Queen took the bait, stomping her way slowly but surely towards the half-Hapan’s levitated lightsabers and glowrod beacon. To further sell it, Marick made a quick gesture with his hands, puppeting the dual lightsabers and glowrod to make it look like they were now running away in fear. The giant lylek shrieked with delight, further lured by the thrill of the chase...

...and carried its full weight onto the hidden pressure plate between the electric coils. Golden, fluorescent light erupted from the coils as tendrils of static energy formed a triangular link around the lylek Queen. Torrents of high-voltage, electric current singed her long, spindly limbs.

A siren scream filled the colosseum, sending shivers down the crowd’s spines. Even Marick felt his own focus break, which reminded him the trap would not likely hold the Queen for long.

The Master assessed Tasha’Vel’s status with surgical precision as his hands instinctually moved to the inner folds of his cloak to pull out his antidote kit. He pressed two fingers to her neck, timing her pulse, and idly started to run a few calculations relating to body mass and the wound itself, doing some guess work as to how potent the lylek venom was.

The tricky thing with treating venom wounds was not that there was no antidote, more that every creature carried a different strain or variant and there was no magical cure-all one could carry.

“Mar...ick. Can’t...let...her win. Our...daughters...”

Marick nodded his head so she could see he was following her train of thought. “Tell me more about her,” Tyris used an old clinical technique to try and keep her awake and attentive.

“She’s only three,” the Twi’lek’s voice was barely a whisper. “Shorter lekku than mine...but has her father’s hazel eyes...”

While Versea continued on about her daughter, Marick stuck a thin needle into a visible vein on the woman's wrist. In the same smooth motion he deftly depressed the plunger and sent one of his homemade antitoxins into her bloodstream. If Tasha’Vel registered the pinprick, she offered no reaction to it. After a moment, he saw her left hand start to twitch.

“Hey, look at that,” Marick pointed at the Twi’lek’s hand. “I guess Lynna'Vel really wants to see her mother again. Keep thinking about her, and keep fighting against the venom. I’ll see if I can distract the Queen a bit more, and then try and get help.”

There was no telling how quickly or effectively it would work. Still, it should have kept the venom from reaching her respiratory system, which would have been very, very bad. He debated trying to heal the Sadowan with the Force, but there were just too many variables to account for.

“Don’t forget about yours, Marick,” Tasha reminded him with a faint smile as she closed her eyes and tensed her muscles, ready to fight her next battle internally.

Biddy beeped excitedly and hopped up and down in place. Glancing at the droid, Marick spared a moment to think of little Kirra, bundled up in blankets and trying to grab at Atyiru’s curly locks. She tended to have better success with his hair, for some reason. Just as a small smile started to tug at the corner of his lips, a tentacle wrapped itself around the half-Hapan’s waist and jerked him up into the air.

The sandstorm had also subsided, clearing visibility of the arena and its occupants.

Impudent child, you will pay for your deception!

The Queen’s voice roared in his mind, deafening out all other thoughts. She had trampled over the coils of the electric cage and the giant lylek sported scorched scoring marks across its entire cadre of limbs, mandibles, tail, and tentacles. It whipped the diminutive half-Hapan around like a ragdoll, before hurling him into the barrier that barred the amphitheater from the arena below. A hairline fracture formed from the impact.

“Ow,” Marick grunted as pain blossomed from his shoulder and stretched across the rest of his torso. He fell to the arena floor with dull thump. As he lay there, he tried to gather his wits, but all he could manage was a bloody cough that stained the sand beneath him. He heard the Queen’s staccato steps approaching and knew he had little time to heal. So he split the difference and reached out into the Living Force and drew on its fount of ethereal energy to refuel his reserves.

For a moment, the Master felt a second wind of vigor course through his veins. Unfortunately, he was not able to do much with it as the Queen grabbed hold of him with a seared but functioning tentacle as she lifted him up into the air. The giant lylek lashed the half-Hapan into the protective barrier once again, adding yet another imperceptible crack to the reinforced transparisteel.

This time, instead of letting her prey go, the Queen whipped her whippy tail around and then stabbed the tip into Marick’s abdomen. The crowd gasped as more blood spouted from Maricks gaping mouth. She tossed him unceremoniously down to the arena floor and started to turn away. The static pike over his shoulder fell off and landed somewhere in the sand.

Now be a good child and die while I finish matters with the daughter of Rhyloth...

Bloodied and battered, Marick slowly pushed himself back up to his feet. He swayed in place, limbs loose and shaky, but his too-blue eyes burned with grim determination. He could feel the venom coursing through his bloodstream. The retired Voice, however, had spent almost his entire adult life conditioning his body to the various types of poisons and toxins found throughout the Galaxy.

It allowed him, at least, to siphon the Force and bend it to his will. The torn tendons in his shoulder began to knit back together as a wave of healing energy wove through his body, gradually giving him the strength to call out to his trusted droid, who he had spotted approaching.

Marick extended his hand out to the side as he otherwise stared down the advancing lylek.

The Queen reeled around and glowered at the half-Hapan with the fury of a thousand suns. Emerald skin still smoldering, the giant lylek slowly stalked back towards Marick.

*More, still? After I’m done with you, I will kill your partner, your friends, and then, when I find your precious little daughter, I will devour her slowly so that you know the pain I’ve felt as you destroyed my children.”

Life before death, Marick responded with his thoughts alone. He burned the singular image of living to protect his daughter into his mind, and continued to hold his hand out to the side. To that, he needed to keep the giant lylek’s attention. To keep focused, he began to count out heartbeats.

Four...five...six

The giant lylek closed in as a familiar string of concerned beeps crossed his awareness. Out of his peripheral view, Marick noted the loyal BD-unit sprinting towards him, opening the hidden compartment in his base.

...seven...

With a whisper of will, Marick summoned the shoto lightsaber concealed inside his BD-unit to his hand. The azure blade sprung to life just in time to parry a stabbing strike from one of the Queen’s spear-tipped legs. Instinct and reflex alone allowed the Master to sidestep the giant lylek’s next attack and, just as Tasha’Vel had earlier, cut off the tip of her barbed-tail.

The Queen shrieked in bone-curdling agony and retaliated with a grasping tentacle. Tyris slipped past the attempted grapple, but his muscles were starting to feel slow and heavy, as if he was swimming through molasses.

Nevertheless, he persisted. He held his shoto lightsaber out defiantly, shuffled his feet, and focused purely on defense maneuvers. He simply needed to survive, in the faint hope of stumbling onto a solution.

“You forgot about me, schutta!” a familiar voice rang out.

The Queen spun about, just in time to catch a blade of plasma to its split set of insectoid eyes. She hissed and writhed as her vision left her, thrashing around blindly.

Tasha’Vel Versa stood before the Queen with her hand extended, recalling the blade to her hand from its simple, straightforward throwing arc. She glanced over at Marick, smiled, and tossed him her own lightsaber.

The Master caught hold of Tasha’Vel’s saber with the Force, and then sent his own off with it to finish off the giant lylek. Plasma rent through hide and flesh like a butcher block, until the husky shell of the lylek Queen fell to the arena floor in a bloody pulp.

With their tasks complete, Marick recalled his shoto lightsaber and returned Tasha’Vel’s to her.

“Check mate,” Tasha’Vel breathed, muscles trembling, as she slowly made her way over towards Marick.

“Thanks for the save,” Marick replied, taking the opportunity to gradually heal his wounds. He knew there was only so much that even the Force could do, however. They both needed medical attention, and fast.

“Parents stick together,” the Sadowan replied with a faint smile, extending a hand.

The Arconan took the hand and started to return the smile, until the sound of shrieking lyleks filled the arena. On the farthest end of the arena, two more lyleks burst through a sinkhole.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Versea murmured.

Marick’s usually passive face flickered with something dark. He’d had enough.

Turning towards the transparisteel barrier protecting the crowd, Marick floated his shoto lightsaber over to the glass and slowly willed the plasma blade to start cutting into the existing cracks that had formed earlier.

“What are you doing, stop this at once!” a panicked, high-pitched voice shouted over the coliseums speakers.

Marick turned and stared directly into one of the macro lens cameras feeding into the jumbo vidscreens.

“End the experiment, or I will shatter this wall,” Marick spoke plainly. There was no actual threat or malice in his voice, no flex of authority or implied air of intimation. He simply said the words with resolve and conviction, and there was little doubt to anyone listening that he would not follow through with his promise.

An anxious aura permeated from the amphitheater, before the patrons began to flee towards the exits. The scientists watched in abject horror, clutching their tools and equipment.

“This is not a game, and you would be wise to do as he says,” Tasha’Vel added her voice, hefting her Mythosaur axe up and readying it, as if she were going to swing it at the barrier as well.

Silence spread. The lyleks skittered closer.

Then the gates at either end of the arena opened up and squads of Iron Legion personnel poured in to take down the remaining beasts.

Marick relaxed, recalled his lightsaber, and then simply fell backwards onto the arena floor. He lay there, staring up, regulating his breathing with some help from the Force. Tasha’Vel Versea joined him, her lekku framing her face, as the two parents took the moment of silence together before deciding to get back up.

General Stres'tron'garmis, 4 March, 2021 1:02 AM UTC

Positive Takeaways


You had a clear conclusion that skated the edge of deus ex machina. Nice to see you bring your teammate in despite the poison, that's a trap many people don't avoid!

Can Be Improved


Not sure about the people observing interfering with the test at the start of this post, felt incredibly convenient.

May want to throw some Concealment language in there in the future when trying to hide from a FU creature that's shown it can communicate mentally and 'knew' where Tasha was previously from underground, suggesting it possessed Sense abilities as well.

While pausing to think on his child is heartwarming, I don't think it would overwhelm the precognitive ability of a person with so much training invested in it or the massive perception or your own aspect about hyper awareness, you essentially ignored all of these when the queen got a hold of Marick.

A few very minor syntax errors again (guesswork and checkmate one word each, not two; 'he fell to the floor with dull thump' missing an 'a'; borking the markdown on one of the queen's telepathic taunts (started with an asterisk, ended with a quotation mark).