Acolyte Inyri Ginovef vs. Augur Locke Sonjie

Acolyte Inyri Ginovef

Journeyman 2, Journeyman tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Female Human, Force Disciple, Shadow
vs.

Augur Locke Sonjie

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Naga Sadow
Male Human, Force Disciple, Arcanist, Krath
Comment

To say that this was a close match was an understatement. I would like to commend both of you for an outstanding match. In every single category you were very very close and this match was very nearly a split decision. I invoked "the rule of two" and had another judge review the match in its entirety to confirm the outcome. Story-wise you both did an excellent job of keeping the tried and true match premise of "leader testing new guy" and kept it fresh and engaging. You both also did an outstanding job employing each other's character sheets both in combat and dialogue. You both also did a great job employing the venue into your depictions of the combat. Both endings were strong but the edge goes to Inyri as her ending felt more natural and more satisfying to the reader. Because Inyri had an ever so slight edge in story, the final result of the match would have been the same even without the realism detractor which broke the score tie.

I want to stress that saying you both put forward an excellent match is not idle praise and the fact I had to consult so closely with the rest of the staff and get a full second set of eyes to review the match shows just how close things actually were. Sadly, there can be but one winner in the ACC and that is

Acoloyte Inyri Ginovef

Hall Duelist Hall - Old Container
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 7 Days
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Acolyte Inyri Ginovef, Augur Locke Sonjie
Winner Acolyte Inyri Ginovef
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Acolyte Inyri Ginovef's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur Locke Sonjie's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Felucia: Rancor Graveyard
Last Post 12 September, 2016 3:46 AM UTC
Assigned Judge Champion Rajhin Cindertail
Syntax - 15%
Epis Locke Sonjie Satre Pelles
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: You had a few minor errors, but nothing that detracted from overall reading. Rationale: Some awkward sentences but nothing which detracted heavily from reading.
Story - 40%
Epis Locke Sonjie Satre Pelles
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Your greatest strength was your description of the combat and Force power usage. Also, you kept the dramatic tension high between two unequally powered opponents which made the match fun and interesting to read. Rationale: You did an excellent job introducing the conflict and action with your first post and while close, I felt your ending was the better of the two. As I said in the comments you took a classic premise of leader testing the new person and made it your own.
Realism - 25%
Epis Locke Sonjie Satre Pelles
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: The one issue in your final post with suppression usage brought you from a 5 to a 4. Rationale: No issues that I could see, though be careful in the future with how you depict your character's movement across the battlefield (jumping over obstacles and the like) while you have +0 Athletics
Continuity - 20%
Epis Locke Sonjie Satre Pelles
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues that I could see. Rationale: No issues that I could see.
Epis Locke Sonjie's Score: 4.2 Satre Pelles's Score: 4.45
Posts

Felucia Rancor Graveyard

Hidden in Felucia’s jungle lies a two hundred meter expanse marking the ancient burial site of this world’s deadliest creatures and the location of innumerable remnants of hundreds, if not thousands of rancors. A circular enclosure of sun-bleached bones are arranged in the center of the cemetery—no doubt the former dwelling of a powerful practitioner of the Force. Cobwebs cling to the fallen beasts, a testament to the primordial age of some of the creatures.

Somewhat obscured by surrounding cliffs and the luminescent jungle, the dusted bones and carcasses are cast in a faint shadow, leaving just enough light to see by. The atmosphere is thick and stifling, with a strong overtone of dust and bone suspended in the still air. The taint of the Dark Side's influence has polluted the landmark over time, giving form to a dreadful aura that has scared off scavengers determined to sell off a rancor tusk or two. Unlike most of Felucia, the area is nearly devoid of life aside from ravenous predators dwelling within the hollowed-out husks of dead rancors.

Inyri approached her destination, stepping out of the dense fungal forest towards a clearing that was a collection of massive bones. This planet was already quite unpleasant to Inyri, with its oppressive climate and inhospitable lifeforms. Frankly, why anyone had thought this place had been worth fighting for was beyond her, as she traversed the last stretch. She wore a jungle camouflaged version of the stealth operations suit she now favored, which was a collection of greens, blacks and browns in pixel patterns all over the suit, and had her Gile-44 up and tracking.

Unlike normal, Inyri wielded her pistol in a different stance now, with a higher positioning of the weapon, angled inwards towards her to help mitigate recoil, and her off-shoulder pointed in the direction she intended to engage to provide a more bladed stance. She continued on towards the boneyard, and could feel the chill of the Dark Side here. It was just like Oricon, a feeling of lingering power, with a hefty side of pain, torment, anger, anguish and another dozen other negative emotions. Clearly, something significant happened here in the past and left its mark on the Force here.

As she closed to the center of the pit, a shot rang out that gave her pause. She dropped to a crouch and looked around for where it came from. A figure dropped down from the opposite end of the pit, a rifle aimed at her.

“Hello, Acolyte Ginovef,” The rifleman spoke up, “I’m glad you made it, but I didn’t have any doubts that you would.”

“Am I supposed to be reassured or take that as a compliment?” Inyri asked as she backed towards a large femur-looking bone.

“It was intended as a compliment. Your progress got my attention, as did your little duel with Aul. So I thought I’d have you meet me here, and I could get a look for myself,” The rifleman replied.

“And whose attention did I get?” Inyri stopped for a moment.

“Oh. I suppose that’s fair, you and I haven’t been formally introduced. Augur Sonjie. Locke Sonjie.”

Inyri’s eyes widened at that, now realizing that she was now stuck in a boneyard with the Consul of her Clan. And this was not some innocent inspection, that would have been done back in Naga Sadow space, not on some fungus infested hellhole. No, the meaning was clear here; he wanted to get a look by fighting her.

“Well, this is obviously an honor, sir, but, I suppose this isn’t some meet and greet, is it?” Inyri asked as she started looking at the battlefield before them.

“I’m just doing the polite bantha thing first, no sense in coming at you like some of our number would. So. Let’s see just how much you’ve learned from my old master.” Locke punctuated the end of niceties by opening fire once more. Inyri vaulted over the bone and dropped behind it for cover. Crimson bolts cut through the air, and scorched the bone and ground alike. Inyri waited for a pause in the shooting and came back up, firing a trio of blue bolts back at Locke, causing him to dart towards a rib cage for cover.

Keeping her pistol up, Inyri used her right hand to support her as she vaulted back over the cover, and began advancing on the ribs. As she closed, she fired another pair of bolts about where she saw Locke last, and then another pair each at points before and after that spot, in an effort to keep Locke suppressed until she could close the distance.

“Not a bad tactic. Keep your target pinned and advance on them. Classic strategy, good,” Locke called out from his cover. He then swung out of cover, his off hand up in front of him, and a translucent barrier appeared in front of him. Inyri opened fire but the shots harmlessly dissipated against Locke’s protection, and then his on-hand came up. Blue lightning shot forth and caught Inyri off guard, sending her flying back into the muck as she cried out in anguish.

The pain was unbelievable, nothing Inyri had ever felt before, and it had been completely through her body. It wasn’t that she had never heard of such a power, but more that reading about it and actually getting hit with it were two vastly different things. She then heard the pop-hiss of a lightsaber being activated, and saw Locke standing there with an acid yellow blade humming, pointed at her in a one handed grip before coming up parallel with Locke’s face and then outwards to the side in a graceful swipe, almost like he had just performed a salute.

Inyri hauled herself to her feet but kept with her pistol, turning her right shoulder towards Locke and adjusting her stance for the terrain.

“You have a lightsaber, don’t you?” Locke asked.

“Yeah, I do. But you’ve got enough of an edge in this fight as it is, so I’m playing to my own strengths,” Inyri replied as she stepped closer to the Consul.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 16 September, 2016 2:23 AM UTC

Syntax

Frankly, why anyone had thought this place had been worth fighting for was beyond her, as she traversed the last stretch.

This sentence is a bit awkward, "as she traversed [...]" just doesn't fit here.

Story

It wasn’t that she had never heard of such a power, but more that reading about it and actually getting hit with it were two vastly different things.

I really liked this line, it helped illustrate the older/younger Force user dynamic in the story.

Overall this was a strong first post. You used both CS well, set up a believable conflict and had a strong amount of action. The "testing a new member" premise is a classic, but you managed to give it enough of a unique spin that it was an interesting read.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 18 September, 2016 7:38 AM UTC

And this was not some innocent inspection, that would have been done back in Naga Sadow space, not on some fungus infested hellhole.

Difficult to start a sentence with "and" but the sentence falls apart grammatically even if you were excusing it stylistically.

"It's not wise to stare down a lightsaber-wielding opponent with blaster in hand, " Locke said, slowly edging forward, moving the fingers of his offhand, prepared to defend himself if she tried to attack. In truth, it would not be easy with his chosen form, but he was banking on Inyri not knowing that. "You'll have to learn to use it some time."

"Maybe some other time." Inyri's ice blue eyes betrayed a hint of determination.

Locke sensed a surge in the Force and retreated slightly, stepping backward to keep the Shadow in his sights. He summoned the Force to his offhand, not yet sure how he would use it. Inyri raised her free hand and a moment later blinding light filled Locke's vision for a split second. He growled and squeezed his eyes shut, instinctively pounding his palm toward the ground, releasing all of the stored Force energy at once. It spread from his feet in a burst. He heard the rustling of leaves as they reacted to his Force wave, but nothing from Inyri.

As Locke stood up again, he blinked the spots from his eyes and looked for his opponent, but she was nowhere to be seen. Sighing, Locke opened his Force senses and absorbed energy from the surrounding environment, twisting his mouth as the foul taint of the Dark Side seeped into him like a sickness.

"Resourceful," he said aloud, expanding his Force senses to search for Inyri. "That can be very useful. You might make it far in our organization, if you stay that way." He could feel the Shadow nearby, but not see her. Her presence seemed to move, making him suspect that she had the ability to hide herself somehow with the Force. That could get frustrating quickly if he was not careful.

"Still," he added, gesturing to a cluster of nearby stones half-buried in the dirt . "I hope you have a plan." He enveloped the stones in the Force, smiling slightly as they dislodged from the ground. The Augur lifted them slowly at first, not wanting to arise too much suspicion. Then he felt the Force fluctuating, and knew where Inyri was.

Locke hurled the stones toward her, just as a blaster bolt lanced toward him. He heard Inyri grunt as at least one of the stones hit her, echoing his own startled sound as the bolt glanced his hand, causing the Augur to drop his lightsaber. He let his anger rise, not caring as he quickly absorbed the dark side and lashed out with a blast of lightning, striking toward the spot where Inyri had been standing.

Instead of hitting her, it shattered part of an ancient rancor bone, missing it's intended target completely. Locke calmed himself, flexing his burned hand and gritting his teeth, speaking between them in a low voice. "Nice shooting."

He spoke to distract Inyri, while devoting most of his focus to healing his burns with the Force, using it to slowly restore functionality to his dominant hand. The Augur guessed that it would probably take a few minutes. In the meantime, Locke prepared a thermal detonator in his right hand. He knew he would probably miss if he threw it, but hoped the threat of the weapon would give Inyri pause if she tried to attack him again. He would have to buy time for his healing to work.

"Turns out the Force has many uses," Inyri yelled from hiding. "Enhanced senses are pretty useful."

"So that's what you did," Locke said. He stepped slowly in a wide circle, changing his position while keeping an eye on where he suspected Inyri was hiding. The Augur glanced toward where his lightsaber and blaster rifle lay, making a mental note of their locations.

"What else has Teu taught you?" he asked, curiosity mixing with his desire to delay any counter attack. "For a Daughter of Sadow, she doesn't communicate with the rest of us much. What are her plans?"

"Are you trying to use me to spy on your former master?" Inyri said indignantly.

"Well, I am Consul," he muttered to himself, before raising his voice. "That's such an ugly word, but yes. Welcome to the Dark Brotherhood. It's a complex world. Every mad Equite sees you as their pawn, no way around it." They definitely weren't all that way, but he wasn't going to clarify for Inyri - yet. In truth, whether she agreed didn't matter to him; it was more how she would deal with the scenario that he wanted to experience.

"And if I refuse?" she asked.

"What do you think?" Locke replied, wincing as he flexed his fingers. He still needed time before he could properly use the hand again.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 16 September, 2016 2:26 AM UTC

Syntax

he quickly absorbed the dark side

You use Dark Side in a later paragraph of this post. Either is technically correct, but you must be consistent throughout.

missing it's intended target

"Its" not "it's" for possessive.

Story

twisting his mouth as the foul taint of the Dark Side seeped into him like a sickness.

Excellent imagery here.

He enveloped the stones in the Force, smiling slightly as they dislodged from the ground. The Augur lifted them slowly at first, not wanting to arise too much suspicion. Then he felt the Force fluctuating, and knew where Inyri was.

This is probably the best use of Dowsing I've seen yet. Excellent!

Welcome to the Dark Brotherhood. It's a complex world. Every mad Equite sees you as their pawn, no way around it.

Okay, I laughed at this line. Well played.

“Another one? Really?” Inyri muttered to herself before raising her voice, “You sound as if this is all predetermined or something. Like we’re just going through the motions. Well, I refuse to buy in, because only what we do and who we are decide what’s going to happen, nothing else.”

“No one’s going to ask for your consent. Are you going to answer my question?” Locke replied.

Inyri shifted her focus, remaining behind cover for the moment and called upon the Force to make her next move. It was a gamble but if she could take Locke off guard again, there was a chance she could overpower the Consul. He had to be buying time, but for what? Likely, he had a trap in store.

“Don’t know, don’t care. Maybe you ought to figure out why she won’t talk to you or anyone else and fix it, instead of being all scheming. And here’s some food for thought; stop acting like you’re all slaves to the Force or fate. All you’re doing is skirting responsibility.” Inyri came up out of cover, her off hand up at Locke and began advancing towards him at a fast walk.

Locke blinked several times as he felt his connection to the Force weaken, interrupting his healing efforts. Realizing what the Acolyte was doing, he armed his thermal detonator and threw it her direction. The beeping silver sphere sailed through the air, its red arming light blinking in warning. Inyri had only one option left to her, letting her maintained power go and focus instead of running full bore at Locke. The thermal detonator exploded behind her, showering them both with stone, fungus bits, and chunks of bone. But both of them faced one another without any sign of wanting to back down.

Inyri stepped in, grabbing Locke’s right wrist and rabbit punched him in the solar plexus twice with the barrel of her pistol. She then hooked her right leg behind his left foot, swept it out from under him while using his wrist as leverage to force Locke onto his back. Inyri let go and stepped back, her pistol aimed squarely at his head.

“The Force is a tool, but no one is enslaved to it. I don’t care what you, the Headmaster, or even the Grand Master says. We can’t keep skirting our personal responsibility, nor can we keep turning inward on one another. Spying on Teu is just another example of what’s wrong here, and it has to stop,” Inyri said. Much to her surprise, Locke managed a wry grin.

“You’re not wrong, Acolyte. But as I said, there is a reason that we are the Dark Brotherhood.” Locke’s grin disappeared and turned into a scowl as his right hand shot out at Inyri and blasted her with a burst of blue lightning. Inyri howled in pain as she was blasted from her feet and onto her back. Smoke started to rise off of Inyri, and the odor of burned flesh added to the pungent atmosphere.

“You hesitated. And that alone tells me that you’re not quite ready to move on. In warfare, you can’t let your feelings get in the way,” Locke said as he slowly got back to his feet, beginning to feel winded from his exertion, coupled with Inyri’s strikes.

“...and...sometimes...sometimes you have to trust your feelings,” Inyri replied weakly as she tried to get up. Her muscles were just not cooperating, strained from the second blast of Force Lightning. Just rolling from her back to her front took a great deal of effort.

“I’ve seen it all too often. Some new arrival shows up, bright eyed with crazy ideas and a desire to change everything in their heads. But then, reality sets in, and either they’re consumed or they become part of the system they sought to change,” Locke said, and held up his right hand, wrenching Inyri’s pistol away from her. He then launched it right back at her, bouncing it off of the back of her head. The Acolyte’s body went slack in the fungal muck, unmoving. Locke rolled her over with a boot, looking at her for a moment.

“So if you really believe what you said, prove it,” Locke said to her unconscious form, before dropping to a knee. He held up a hand and waved inwards, and a group of soldiers, Warhost troops intended to keep the locals out of the way, made their way into the pit.

“Get her on a stretcher and let’s get back to the ship. I’ve seen enough,” Locke said.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 16 September, 2016 2:46 AM UTC

Syntax

The beeping silver sphere sailed through the air, its red arming light blinking in warning. Inyri had only one option left to her, letting her maintained power go and focus instead of running full bore at Locke.

"instead on"

Story

And here’s some food for thought; stop acting like you’re all slaves to the Force or fate. All you’re doing is skirting responsibility.

Outstanding dialogue here!

“I’ve seen it all too often. Some new arrival shows up, bright eyed with crazy ideas and a desire to change everything in their heads. But then, reality sets in, and either they’re consumed or they become part of the system they sought to change,”

This dialogue might be a little too on the nose. I liked your ending but I felt like you could have been more subtle with Locke's dialogue. You could have shown the audience how Locke felt without coming out and saying it directly through dialogue. This didn't hurt you point wise, but just something to consider for the future.

"What, are you going to kill me? Inyri asked incredulously. "For refusing to betray my master?"

Locke let a slight smile touch his lips, though he suspected she could not see it. He advanced slowly toward the place where he thought she was hidden. His hand felt better, but the Augur was still not sure how well he could use it.

"Why don't you come find out?" he asked tauntingly, knowing that Inyri wouldn't actually fall for it. He was just talking to fill the gap in time as he approached where she was likely hiding. Locke had to be on his guard. Though Inyri was only an Acolyte; he could not wield a lightsaber. The Augur knew that underestimating his opponent could lead to his own downfall.

He stepped beyond the place in the array of bones where Inyri had disappeared and slowly turned around, attempting to gather the Force. Without his dominant hand, it would have to serve as his primary weapon. Instead of finding it, the Augur experienced something completely different, alarm welling up inside him. The Force seemed to slip away, to linger just out of reach. It was as if he was lunging for it, but could not reach it.

She couldn't have, he thought. Locke spun around, searching for Inyri. He saw her behind him, slowly advancing with a look of determination on her face. She had her blaster in hand, but didn't fire.

"I guess shooting one's Consul wouldn't go very well," she said wryly," even after being threatened by him." Instead, the Acolyte quickly stepped forward and swung her blaster toward Locke's head.

He ungracefully tried to block it with his left arm, wincing as bone cracked from the blow. The Augur gasped and dropped the arm, but Inyri didn't stop. Her next strike glancingly caught his head, causing Locke's vision to waiver.

Her next one is going to knock me out, he thought, slightly panicked. He was frustrated at being so overcome by a Journeyman, but he could not harness that frustration. The Force still lay just out of reach. His lightning and telekinesis were both out of reach. Somehow, Locke would have to survive without them.

I have to disrupt her focus somehow, he thought. His right hand dropped to his belt, gripping one of the detonators there. The Augur fumbled with the primer, but it was enough to give his opponent pause. She stopped, glancing at it as Locke slowly retreated backward.

"You wouldn't," she said. "You would kill us both."

"I would die," Locke gasped, his head pounding from the earlier blow, "undefeated." Finally, his fumbling fingers found the primer and there was a whining sound as the weapon primed for detonation.

Inyri started to step backward, keeping her eyes on Locke. He tried to reach the Force again, but it still wasn't there.

That left him with more desperate measures.

Locke quickly extended his right arm and threw the detonator in Inyri's general direction. It went far wide of where she was, but was quick enough to give her pause. The Shadow ducked for cover as Locke did the same. There was a loud crack as the detonator exploded, followed by a plume of dirt in the air.

This time, when he tested the Force, Locke found it just as he usually did. The Augur quickly seized it and expanded his Force senses, slowly detecting Inyri's presence. He had let his guard down before, but told himself that he would not now. He knew roughly where she had gone. This time, he would be more careful, lest he be injured more. The Augur's left arm ached where Inyri's pistol had struck it, while his head throbbed from where it had been hit.

Grimly determined, Locke reached for a nearby bone with the Force. It was a thin, curved thing. He didn't know what part of the rancor it had belonged to, but it would do for a Force-carried projectile.

"Alright, you win," Locke said. "You've proven yourself. Come out." He prepared to throw the bone.

His only answer was laughter, but he did hear a rustling to his side. Locke turned toward it in time to see Inyri. He lifted the bone and prepared to send it toward her with the Force.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, " she said, pointing above him with one hand, her other arm outstretched toward a point above his head.

Locke glanced up to see half a rancor jaw floating in the air above his head. He chuckled slightly. He had been so intent on not being taken by surprise again that, with his injuries, the Augur had not noticed Inyri using the Force herself.

"I suppose if I break your concentration, it'll fall on my head, " Locke said. "Very funny."

He knew he didn't have much of a choice, but still refused to lose. Gathering his Force energy, Locke enhanced his leg muscles, temporarily boosting their abilities.

Then he threw the bone he was holding toward Inyri.

He wasn't sure if it was the bone's velocity or that she just didn't expect him to do it so suddenly, but the bone pierced the side of her body before slicing into the mud behind her. At the same moment, Locke dived sideways, rolling into the mud and narrowly avoiding the rancor jaw as it slammed down behind him.

It took him a few moments to stand up without the use of his dominant arm, but finally Locke was able to do so. His clothes were caked in mud, making them feel heavier as he slowly turned toward Inyri to see her clutching her side, the glint of blood on her fingertips.

He slowly stepped toward her, making a show of using his right hand to gather the Force and suspend a second bone in the air, positioning it to strike at her more precisely.

"I think you're done," Locke said. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Fine," Inyri said, "I'll report on Teu for you." She seemed fairly sincere, but something about the Acolyte's body language told Locke she was lying.

"Good," Locke said. "Now, as a final test, I'm sure you'll be able to handle that wound yourself. I'll call us a shuttle."

He stepped away to do so, glancing at her as he fished out his comlink with some difficulty. When he was done, he smiled and turned back to Inyri.

"Oh, by the way, I assume you aren't actually going to spy for me," he said.

"What?" she asked, feigning surprise at his accusation.

"It was a test. You don't have to. But you should tell her to socialize sometime."

"Figures, that seemed unlike what I've heard of you," she said.

"Looks can be deceiving, " Locke said, "but then, you already knew that."

After that, they quietly waited for their distress call to be answered.

Champion Rajhin Cindertail, 16 September, 2016 3:03 AM UTC

Syntax

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, " she said

There's an extra space after the comma.

Story

Overall, this was a decent ending post. You kept the dramatic tension high in spite of the power/skill difference between the two. While this caused a small realism issue, I feel like it helped you overall. You also resolved the "Consul's test" premise in a neat way.

Realism

he could not wield a lightsaber

I appreciate you trying to create dramatic tension by leveling the playing field, but I think you are overstating Locke's predicament here. He could wield a saber in his off-hand, just not as effectively. This didn't result in a loss of points.

The Force seemed to slip away, to linger just out of reach. It was as if he was lunging for it, but could not reach it.

Again, I get what you are trying to do but this is definitely a stretch of the suppression power. Suppression doesn't completely cut off the Force without the "Time Out" feat, which is a Elder 2 feat. In the future be careful with how you phrase things. It can be read either way, but after consulting with the ACC staff it was enough to warrant this as a minor realism detractor.